Chapter Text
The first time he came face-to-face with the sport was upon seeing the ball itself.
Eijun stumbled upon it on a random day, when the sun was about to set. Bidding farewell to his friends, he walked towards his house while humming a random tune, and that was when he saw it–a different color amidst the green that he is familiar with.
He thought at first that it was trash left out by irresponsible people—which almost made him lash out in fury—however, upon further inspection, his mouth gaped open at the sight. It was a white circular shape with red seams, gripping the ball in one piece. Eijun was drawn to it the moment he saw it. Upon picking it up from the ground, he yelped at its weight—it was in no way heavy, but he did underestimate it due to its size.
Grinning widely at the object, he raced towards his house to show it to his parents and grandfather.
Upon arrival, he immediately gushed about how he had seen the ball and showed it to them, exclaiming how pretty it was. His family exchanged glances before explaining what the ball is.
That night, he lay in bed with the ball in his hand, imagining himself playing baseball with his friends in the future.
A day later, he decided to look up baseball and watch some videos (during which he winced, not finding enjoyment in watching the game—but still loving the sport). As his eyes were glued to the screen, he could feel his heart beating faster than usual upon seeing the person standing on the lump of land. He quickly discovered that the lump was referred to as a mound, and the player standing on it was a pitcher.
Pitcher. He uttered with a wide grin, his eyes gleaming with new light. He wants to play pitcher and feel the exhilaration of standing on the mound, throwing countless pitches toward the batter—guided by his partner, the catcher.
The next day, he told his friends about his plans to create a baseball team in their school, to which they all agreed, despite the doubts in their minds about being able to become the best of the teams in their region, especially with little-to-no baseball equipment and anything that can help them improve—save for balls, bats, and mitts that they have saved up from their allowances and by helping their neighbors.
Indeed, it was fun to play as a team. However, they also cannot help but question their abilities to help Eijun achieve his goal—to bring them to Koshien.
Little did they know, the pitcher also had the same thoughts but chose to disregard them and lead the team as the coach, captain, and ace. Day by day, he felt the same frustration Nobu—his catcher —felt when he failed to catch his pitches (or in Eijun’s case, failed to put it on his mitt).
The other members of the team also tend to fear—and at the same time, be amazed at his pitches, they seem to break randomly at the plate, which makes them hard to catch.
The night before the fateful day, he dreamed of standing on the mound, wearing a gray baseball jersey paired with the same color of pants; his undershirt and socks were red. The crowd was cheering for the two teams, which he couldn't hear because of his heartbeat.
He simply stood there, trying to soothe his nerves while waiting for the catcher’s signal. Golden eyes met another pair, and the thought of striking out the batters felt so right at that moment, as the crouching figure silently told him to trust his mitt and that no matter what Eijun threw, he would catch it.
He cannot shake off the thrill running down his spine as they strike out every batter together. The grin on his face seems never to leave—as if they were not playing to win but to have fun.
Upon hearing the final slam of the ball hitting the mitt, indicating the end of the game, Eijun could not help but let out a roar, his left hand clenched into a fist, as the members of the team ran towards the mound to celebrate their win. As he scanned the various faces, his smile faded as he realized he couldn't find the catcher. Uneasiness settled in the pit of his stomach as he moved away from his faceless teammates to find the catcher. Only to see in the dugout the person’s protective gear. He rushed towards the locker rooms—only to feel disappointment as the figure he wished to see was nowhere to be found.
Where is he?
By the time he woke up, he immediately went to his desk—despite feeling groggy. He immediately wrote out the details of his dreams, so he would not forget them. After his game, he will ask his family what his dream means.
⚾⚾⚾
They lost. All the chance to go to Koshien in their final year in junior high was gone, the goal shattering like a china glass—it may be replaceable, but it lost its sentimental value.
With tears in his eyes, he apologized to his friends—and teammates, for not taking them to Koshien. He knows that there is still a chance in high school, however, Akagi is being closed down—and this year was supposedly the last time they would bring glory to the school’s name. The opposite team laughed at him, so he gave them what they deserved.
He slapped them all. Hard.
That night, he lay in bed, his left-hand clenching with frustration oozing out of his skin. Thinking of the possibilities if he just held back in throwing that last pitch to Nobu. A pitch is thrown with all his will—for them to reach the dream stage. That dream, so small yet so big, is just like how a child reaches out for the sky to reach for the stars. He then remembered some snippets of his dream from the previous night. The field, the crowd, the colors of his jersey,
Most of all, the figure crouching on the plate.
He remembers them working in harmony, as if dancing to a tune only both of them knew. Like a secret shared between the two of them, drawing them closer and closer. The moment the other is within Eijun’s vicinity—his personal space—even if the figure is faceless, he can feel him smiling. The words the catcher spoke brought a shiver to the pitcher’s heart.
“Nice ball, let’s have more fun, shall we?”
It may seem like a cruel statement for the opponent team, who was lured into their trap, but for Eijun, it brings warmth into him, reminding him of his hometown. The voice feels like home, a solace for him.
He sighed as he unclenched his fist, and then turned off the lights to turn in for the night.
⚾⚾⚾
Takashima Rei, Seido High School baseball club’s assistant coach. That was how she introduced herself, and she was the person who introduced him to the new world of baseball.
Being scouted was no-easy feat, especially when coming from a no-name school. Also, to think that he decided to slap the pansy team they lost to. Yet the lady did not care about the riot he caused after the game, instead, she complimented his wrist flexibility and supple joints.
He did not care about her or the team she was proud of, not until she challenged him to visit the school—which he accepted.
During the visit, he was blown away by their training equipment, and he knew that the scout was thinking that he was starting to be swayed. No, he still has a promise to keep to his friends.
Imagine his anger when he saw a grizzly bear-like person throwing insults at a pitcher—who shrank like a squirrel, and that was when he met him.
Miyuki Kazuya.
Someone with a shitty personality, since he decided to place his mitt dead center—also known as Azuma’s favorite spot. He growled when the catcher told him about it. That damned Tanuki made me change the trajectory of the pitch! He mentally seethed, as he yelled at the catcher that he could handle his battle.
Of course, the catcher rebutted that baseball is a team sport. As a catcher, he will bring out the best in him, but there was one statement that made Eijun gawk at the player in surprise.
“Nice to meet you, partner!”
That day, he threw 11 pitches, which changed his life. After bidding farewell to Takashima—who sent him off on the train, he was dazed during the entire ride.
Could it be, that Miyuki was the one he was looking for?
He wanted to go, to follow Miyuki in Seido, to form the battery—just like his dream shows. How they could conquer everything by being paired up together. However, he also wants to fulfill his wish for his friends.
Would it be a betrayal if he decided to go to Seido?
His parents and grandfather encouraged him to follow his heart, and his friends told him to go. Upon hearing their consent, a weight was lifted from his shoulders as he called Takashima that night, finalizing his admission to Seido with a new goal.
If he cannot bring his friends to Koshien, then he will lead his new one as the team’s ace and shoulder his friend’s hopes.
As spring came, it was time for him to bid farewell to his friends, and family—whom he would leave behind as he began his new journey. The moment he entered the train—along with Takashima, who picked him up, his friends then expressed how they wanted to play with him more. Upon hearing those words, the doors suddenly closed—and he was left to place his hands on the window—an attempt to reach out to his former teammates, and he knew it was futile.
Why didn’t you tell me? He asks, and no one answers. Not even him—because he already knew why, but did not want to admit it.
⚾⚾⚾
His start at Seido was rocky.
His roommates played a prank on him, the moment he opened the dorm room. When they stayed up all night and did not wake him up for morning practice. When Miyuki used him as bait to sneak in line. He was running laps for two weeks, not allowed to touch any baseball equipment like the other first years.
During that time, the only thing he felt was the barrier between them, yet he decided not to let it get to his skin. After all, he declared to the team that he would be the ace.
He will not let those scrutinizing gazes and whispers about him deter him, nope, not at all.
If one were to ask him how he is, he would probably hide the truth with a smile on his face. Truly, being on the team was hard, he was only assigned to the second string after the intra-squad scrimmage. Turning towards Miyuki, he sighed. When will he be able to reach him and walk alongside him?
He tried to extend his hand, trying to reach for the catcher’s back—only to feel the distance. At that moment, he asked himself again, "Am I not good enough?”
He thought that was the end of the storm, he should have known better. Takashima introduced him to a third-year catcher, and he was dismayed to know that he wouldn’t be paired up with Miyuki, but with Chris.
The catcher also felt the same as him, as the third year gripped his hand tight, mentioning how nice it was nice to meet him, and called Eijun a clumsy pitcher.
Ever since that day, the third year tortured him every day—through a scroll (made from hell), which was usually handed by Yoshikawa. The first time he read the scroll, he cannot help but blink once, twice, then three times—thinking that he may not have read it clearly—only to realize that the text did not change—not even a tiny bit.
The scroll that was once in his hand flew across the sky—while Eijun sputtered out his annoyance towards the third-year catcher—who tends to leave early, for reasons he did not know. The only thing he can think of—is how he has given up on baseball. Eijun even told him that he would never want to end up like him, and was surprised at the glimpse of regret and sadness in the third-year’s eyes—quickly masked by their usual dullness.
He notices the way the catcher moves mechanically, as if everything has been a sort-of ritual, not including the time when they tend to pair up. Eijun was so excited to pitch, but Chris took his time to stretch him—which made him feel restless. After all, who needs to take their time stretching? He was startled when Chris asked him if he thought that catchers were merely a pitching target—which he denied, as he explained how he has no confidence regarding his control.
Eijun can barely make out the words muttered by the third year—who went to the net to catch for him. The ball ended up breaking like it used to do, while Chris did not even bother to catch it, hitting his shoulder—protected by the chest protector. The third year did not even bat an eyelash as he emphasized where his mitt was located. He then asked whether he was playing for himself, and told the first year that he would never understand what they had been through within the past three years.
It also did not help that Miyuki got mad at him for speaking ill of Chris, gripping his shirt tightly with eyes set ablaze—clearly emphasizing how he would never forgive Eijun for saying those words. At that moment, he felt fear at the same time disheartening. He then asked himself whether it was truly worth it to enter Seido—or were his ambitions just that big?
It seems like there was no place for him in the school, or on the team.
Imagine his surprise when he found out about the third year’s injury—and finally, he understands Chris’ apathy, and his leaving early—as well as Miyuki’s fury.
Several emotions ran through him—before he knew it, he was bowing down to the third year and begging him to teach him baseball. In his long to-do list during his time at Seido, he mentally added; to form a battery with Chris.
Even though he does not know when it will happen since the third year is out of commission, he still wishes for it to happen. He wants to know what it feels like to be in a battery with him and to fully trust the catcher who teaches him to become a better player.
His wish was granted, at a certain time when his pitches tend to move more erratically than before. Not even near the strike zone. He was frustrated at it, and he knew the coach would substitute him—but he was dumbfounded when the catcher was substituted. They stood at the mound, planning out how to get the remaining outs—with Chris formulating—and sharing it with them. Even though it was risky, they still followed it—and fortunately, they were able to get out of the pinch.
In that game, Chris told Eijun that he would be waiting for his best pitch. He, too, wants to live up to the third year’s expectations. The first year can feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins, as they managed to hold off the team—fully trusting one another, as well as their teammates in case the opponents hit. The other team seems to have changed their antics by bunting and stealing more—which made Chris throw a lot—in an attempt to get an out.
Eijun was worried that the older man was straining his shoulder. The said person also appeared to be disgruntled with the next batter, eyeing him with wariness. With a deep sigh, the first year encouraged the catcher with a bright smile.
Still, he did not yet repay him for what he did to Chris. He then threw the ball with all his might, and it ended up as a pure straight fastball, straight to the catcher’s mitt—who called out “Nice ball” with a smile on his face.
After the game, where the coach assembled them to announce the ones who would join the first string, both he and Haruichi were called. He did not know how to react to the news. Should he be happy that he was chosen? No, he knew he wasn't. Since someone better was suited for the spot that was given to him. That someone was the person left in the second-string, now assigned as the scout and scorekeeper. Left on the bench, but unable to play.
At the same time, the person he played with once for a few innings will never be given a chance to play again.
The rest of the first string confronted him after the announcement, saying that they had to be stronger for those who were not able to play. That time, he understood, that he must get stronger, not only for himself, but for the team.
⚾⚾⚾
For Eijun, life was not as colorful as it seems to be.
The moment he was stripped of his pitching abilities (or does it count as such?), everything seemed dull. Fading colors were not sinking in, until he realized that everything had turned into a never-ending cycle. As much as he tries to become the person he used to be, it is useless; and the voices he hears from different corners are sinking him deeper and deeper into a hole where he is uncertain if he will come out alive.
All he remembers is how the third students cried for the loss of the trip ticket to Koshien—a factor that decided their game against Inashiro, in which the latter came out victorious.
So close, yet so far. Something that can be seen easily, yet upon grasp, would then fade away. As Eijun mulled over at their loss, he cannot help but ponder;
“The deciding factor of that game, was it really my fault?”
No one answered. He already knew the answer himself, yet he refuses to admit it.
It was not his teammates’ fault. He was the one to blame.
The burden, is his to take.
⚾⚾⚾
If he were to compare how it feels to play with Inashiro, the first thing that Eijun can think of is hanging on a thin thread, not knowing whether it would snap or not, or even the moment that it would. Snapped it did, and the cause of losing hold of the thread also ended up in a bad end for them.
It was a close fight, yet it would not even matter since they lost. Gone was the opportunity to go to Koshien as a team.
For the third years, the final chance to stand on the sacred stage was gone from their grasp, ambitions turning into dust, taken by the wind. As they mourned the loss of opportunity, Eijun could not help but feel guilty, clearly remembering the way the ball hit Shirakawa’s head in the final inning, with only one out left.
In the end, the dead ball affected him deeply, which made him unable to throw to the inside. His sub-conscious remembered the dead ball every single time—making him flinch—and also caused him to throw widely instead of where he wanted it to be.
He can see himself trying to run without any direction, the people who were supposed to be beside him were gone—too far for him to reach. Even though he tries to reach out to them, and scream for help—no one comes.
At that moment, he felt alone. In a dark place, without anyone to guide him. As if he were in the center of the forest in the middle of the night—and even the light from the moon cannot help him find the right path.
He never felt more scared than being stuck in the middle of nowhere. Wanting to give up, yet still trying his best to find a way to go back—to be with his teammates again and play the sport he loves.
The sport he loves If only he could laugh out the pain, the bitterness, and the fear deep within him, and pretend that nothing happened. Yet he knew, the bitter reality right in front of his eyes. The sport he truly loved was something he now feared. It was something that gnawed at his consciousness, not allowing him to sleep properly, even though Kuramochi scolded him about it, saying that he must move on.
Move on? Even books and the web cannot provide tips on how to forget things as if they never happened, lest those words.
⚾⚾⚾
One night, he woke up with a loud gasp, heart beating fast.
It was not the same dream that he used to have. In fact, he awoke to a nightmare. He dreamt of standing on a mound, and he can feel thousands of prickling eyes observing every move he makes while commenting negatively on him.
That was not what frightened him.
It was the sight of a batter’s box with blood splattered across it, staining even the chalk marks on the box. He stared in horror towards the catcher’s box, only to see no one, yet the umpire was there—staring at him with unexplainable emotions. Blood can also be seen trickling from his head.
He turned towards the crowd—only to realize he was incapable of doing so. As if his whole body were pinned on the mound. Yet he knew, people were sneering at him for his terrible control—which is the result of the said situation.
As much as he seeks Kuramochi’s comfort, he cannot will himself to bother the shortstop, like he usually bothers his teammates. Kuramochi would really need his sleep considering he needs to work hard due to new position sets, now that the third years are gone. Eijun thinks, not even bothering to lay down on bed, hisbed, back pressed against the wall with his legs on his chest.
He cannot will himself to sleep after that nightmare.
⚾⚾⚾
Despite his predicament, the coach did not take him off the roster and instead provided him with a training regimen—different from the rest. He followed everything without complaining. Yet no matter how much he follows the coach’s instructions, he still questions himself;
‘What does he want from me?’
He understands, he is weak. Unconsciously running away from the batter—which would end up with him throwing wild pitches. Even when placed in the outfield, he cannot perform properly. Even some players are questioning his ability—he is wearing a varsity number—which he does not deserve, now that he is nothing but a crippled pitcher. With no pitching arsenal on his plate, he only has his moving fastballs and inside pitches—which were taken away from him.
Yet he still begs Kanemaru and Wataru for help, and is glad that they indulge him, despite also wanting to be part of the starting team.
He tries to pitch again, but to no avail. Every time a batter fails, the moment a batter is standing. Still, he never gives up, finding solace in a dream he used to have. Vividly remembering the soft smile of an obscured face.
One night, he stood a few meters away from the net, panting. Balls were scattered all around the net, while he glanced at the half full crater on his side. And that’s when he clearly heard it.
The sound of leather shoes echoing across the indoor training room caught his attention, and a soft baritone voice caught his attention. He immediately turned to the source—to see Chris in his uniform, wearing a mitt on his hand. Relief immediately rushed to his veins, and for the first time in weeks—his lips stretched into a smile. He knew, upon seeing the third year in front of him, that he would help him.
And Chris did.
After a short explanation, the third year placed his mitt low and away, a challenging look in his face. As his tutee, he wants to live up to Chris’ expectations, and repay him with all he can. Checking the grip on the ball, he proceeded to wind up, and—
The ball slamming the mitt echoes in the training room. A shiver went down his spine, and he stared at his hand in surprise, and towards the catcher with a grin.
“Chris-senpai, one more, please!”
The other replied with a soft laugh and a nod. Up until that moment, Eijun had never heard of a laugh so beautiful. Something that reminds him of fall—something that people may think of as the end, yet in his opinion, was the beginning.
For one must endure downfall before shining as bright as the sun. Chris was someone who shone brightly on the field, yet just like how the leaves fall, he also underwent a state of depression (he winced). What was inspiring was how he once again bloomed anew.
By the end of their session, he sincerely thanked the third year, who only smiled and patted his head. Before bidding each other goodnight, he asked the elder;
“Chris-senpai, how were you able to love baseball despite your injury?”
He can see the older man pursing his lips, and deduces that the third year knows the answer, yet cannot explain it thoroughly. He was about to take back his question when the older spoke.
“I never hated the game in the first place, Sawamura.” The aforementioned was silent, urging the older to continue, and was not in a rush for Chris’ answer.
“It was about being frustrated with how I held myself back through hiding my injuries—not being able to play the game that I love, the sport I lived and breathed for—something that was engraved on the depths of my brain—with my father, who was active at the NPB scene.”
“The frustration, and withdrawal from the sport for my rehabilitation resulted in me having self-doubt. As much as the team supported me and cheered me up to get better soon, I know that I would not be able to play with them anymore in high school. Yet as someone who garnered the coaches’ attention with my plays, it also frustrates me to no end that I have been left behind while my peers are continually moving forward.”
“Sawamura, both my injury and your yips both affected us in various ways. Yet I know Kataoka-kantoku believes that you would be able to bounce back and become a better player than before. That is, if you also work hard. By working hard, this also includes taking a rest occasionally in order not to strain your body.”
“Kantoku can find players who would replace your spot, yet he did not replace you. He knows, even though you still have lots more to work on, you will become a pitcher that will reach great heights. Although, I suggest you to take one step at a time, and try to perfect the outer course.”
Eijun was dumbfounded by the third-year’s speech. Not knowing that tears are dropping out of his eyes. Not until Chris pulled him close and whispered something that would forever be ingrained in the depths of his heart.
⚾⚾⚾
Eijun gripped the ball in his hand, not too tight nor too loose. Staring in at Wataru’s mitt, not minding Kanemaru standing at the batter’s box in a full batter gear. He did his wind up motion, and—
“Ball!”
He knows he is weak.
“STILL TOO FAR FROM THE ZONE!”
And he is planning to change that.
“Focus on the mitt!”
If it were not for Chris anchoring him—a boat that is about to sink.
Then he would probably be…
But…
What made him love baseball in the first place?
It was at that moment that he remembered every loud slam of a ball hitting the mitt, every encouragement and criticism he had received.
Most especially, that dream…
Those negativities would not deter him. If he wants to be of use to the team, he must strive hard. He is playing not only for himself but for the team. He might be a mere caterpillar as of today, but if he did not learn to pave his path, he would not grow into a butterfly.
Facing both the batter and the catcher meters away from him, made him realize;
It was not enough.
He must get stronger.
Not only for himself.
But also for—
*slam*
⚾⚾⚾
Despite his renewed drive to become a player worthy of the number given to him, he almost lost the chance to prove himself.
He sets aside the outer course pitch, which he is trying to improve. Even if there was even minimal progress with him controlling the course. He still set it aside when the assistant coach, Ochiai, told him to become a practice pitcher and simply throw sideways.
It was only then that the head coach reprimanded him and reminded him of what he was supposed to do.
It reminded him of how foolish he was. simply to have a place on the team. To help the team overcome their adversaries—in the form of their opponents. There was no time for him to change his form, and as coach Kataoka hinted, it may also have a detrimental effect on him.
Foolish self. Have you learned nothing in your stay here at the school? He scolded himself. Even with the frustration building deep within him, of wanting to help the team, he have come to realize;
That the only way to help them now, is to hone his low-away pitch.
⚾⚾⚾
He did not regret it.
Honing his low-away pitch has allowed him to differentiate between inside and outside courses. He remembers Chris’ words when he taught him that pitch, and realized how effective it is against batters.
It was also during the game against Nanamori that Eijun came to realize this. He, Miyuki, and Kuramochi were in the bullpen as he was the starting pitcher.
That same moment, when he was able to throw to the inside again, he never felt more elated than knowing that he was able to overcome the yips. Although there were blunders during the game, what can he do? Technicalities.
Yet the fact that they both won the game and he was able to overcome his fear made him elated. Although in the back of his mind, a voice was telling him to not let his guard down or it would be forever taken away from him.
He gritted his teeth. As if I would let it be taken away from me again. No one, not even my next opponent, will strip me away from what I love. And…
He closed his eyes, remembering the game last summer against Inashiro. This time, we will be their usurpers. Just as I thought highly of myself, I also stooped to the lowest of the low. And every king must be overthrown from his throne and learn that there are people not to be underestimated.
“Inashiro lost!” He turned towards the source of the voice, thinking it was just a joke. It seems he was not the only one in disbelief based on the reactions of other players in the vicinity.
They…lost?
How frustrating.
⚾⚾⚾
Ugamori, the team that defeated the crowd’s favorite, was also their next opponent. Their ace, Umemiya—whose hair greatly reminds him of his father (ah, the nostalgia of his home), throws a plethora of pitches. Yet what became a decisive factor in their team's victory was his new pitch.
A slow curve, as they have called it.
Compared to his curveball—or now power curve, the speed completely throws off the batter’s timing, and considering that both of his curves have similar windup motion—the pitch would sure work wonders.
It must be nice to have so many pitches in your arsenal. He mused.
He is not jealous at all—okay, maybe he is.
Yet he knows he needs to pace himself and hone what he already has. He still have a lot of time to learn new things, but first—
Control.
A loud slam snapped Eijun back to his thoughts as he looked at Kariba’s mitt, a baseball snugged tightly on his mitt.
“Your control is looking good, Sawamura!” The catcher called out, throwing back the ball. With a grin, he caught the ball and yelled;
“Ten more, please!”
The game against Ugamori
The same team that defeated ‘them’.
He needs to be ready to go at any time.
He will not falter again.
Never.
(He almost did. When the final batter, the ace and the clean up of the team, suddenly placed a tremendous amount of pressure on the plate–reminding him of the game against Inashiro.
Those events…
He knew he would not be able to move forward and claim what he had desired if he did not overcome the pressure.
And in those final moments,
He left the mound, unscathed, as their team won with their spot sealed towards the next stage.)
⚾⚾⚾
It was during the game against Ouya that he debuted a new pitch in his repertoire. A few nights ago, Coach Ochiai (whom he calls Sergeant) taught him the grip of the changeup. At first, it was a spectacular failure, (which made some of the people present sigh in exasperation). Yet with Toujou's demonstration and the assistant coach's further instruction, he was able to throw it with ease.
With every grip he made across the ball, there were also various breaks. from the way the palmball did not slow down in speed yet had a slight break, or the vulcan grip, which suddenly broke widely, which made Eijun gasp and apologize at the wild ball.
And during the game, he was able to throw the changeup successfully, despite the blunder which occurred in the earlier innings (he was nervous though, can anyone blame him anyway?)
As they left the stadium and were heading towards the bus, he caught sight of some of the third students who were watching the game. With a wide grin, he approached them.
⚾⚾⚾
After reviewing the game between Sensen and Seiko, Eijun headed straight towards the coach's office. Knocking on the door, he heard a muffled "enter," which cued him to open the door.
"EXCUSE ME, SAWAMURA COMING IN!" Turning towards the head coach, he spoke (more like yelled) "BOSS! WHAT BUSINESS DOTH THOU HAST WITH ME TODAY?"
"You did a great job pitching yesterday. Did you get enough rest?"
"Yes, Rei-chan!"
What caught him off guard was the question the coach asked him. Just remembering the events in their recent game made him giddy, a thrill bubbling deep within his bones. It made him feel the best as if he were a sleeping beast who rose up from his rest to threaten those who entered his territory. Although that thought made him grimace, cat eyes popped out of nowhere.
He is not a wild animal!
Yet what threw him off was how the coach and Rei-chan praised him. It made him realize that he truly has worth on the team.
The moment he bade them farewell. The coach's words echo through his mind.
'Firmly ground your feet and take one step forward at a time.'
That's right, this is not a contest. No matter how frustrating things can be, I will be able to overcome them if I take one step at a time. There is no need for me to rush.
⚾⚾⚾
That night, he dreamed of the same dream he used to have.
The thrill of standing on the mound–is more exhilarating than the one he is used to in reality. Of crimson-colored jersey–which reminds him of blood, yet he cannot grow to be afraid of or despise.
As if the said color embraces his whole being—all the trials and trepidations he faced along the way. Eyes glaring towards the batter as if he were a lion about to pounce on its prey, he awaited the catcher’s signs.
Locking eyes with the person crouching 18.44 meters away from him, he cannot help but gasp as the once faceless figure–save for the soft smiles redirected towards him—was starting to become clear for him to see, despite being obscured by the face shield. A pair of olive green eyes asked him; “Do you trust me?”
With a smile on his face, he nodded at the catcher–both an affirmative to his requested pitch and an answer to his question. Going through his windup motion, he cannot help but utter;
“Always.”
The sound of the ball slamming across the mitt signaled the end of the game as he clenched his fist in victory. He paid no mind to the loud cheers that echoed throughout the stadium, along with the umpire declaring the end of the game. His gaze never left the catcher–who was now standing in front of him, face shield thrown somewhere across the field as he ran towards the mound.
“You did it, Eijun.” Was the catcher’s breathless statement the moment he reached the mound. Eyes full of adoration—and oh, Eijun wants to bask in that gaze forever. Although that moment was broken when he was pulled into a hug–which he returned to with a smile on his face, nuzzling the catcher’s neck.
“No. We did it, Yuu.”
As they embraced each other on the mound, it was as if it were only both of them, and no one else. The older’s mouth was on his ears, and Eijun suppressed a shudder as Chris’ breath tickled his ears. The latter whispered something only he could hear, resulting in a blush on his face, and a weird, fluttering sensation in his stomach.
And before he could respond, he was awoken by the blaring sound of his alarm.
⚾⚾⚾
As Eijun was running across the fields, he could not help but curse the gods out there for abruptly ending such a wonderful dream.
His thoughts ran wild as he got more immersed in running. He remembered when he was younger when the same dreams kept on occurring for several days, weeks, and months–and by the moment he got fed up, he then decided to look up what they meant.
From what he has researched, there are several definitions of dreams. It could be 'a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep,' 'a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal,' or,
'indulge in daydreams or fantasies about something greatly desired.'
For someone who was having recurring dreams ever since he was young, Eijun wonders what his dreams truly mean. From the various definitions across the internet, only the last one seems to be a viable possibility. A desire.
For a partner on the field. A catcher and pitcher working together as one creating a masterpiece only they can call their own.
Eijun, upon reading that statement, has come to a conclusion that there is truly something missing. As much as he wants to play with his friends in Nagano, he feels restricted in his abilities as Nobu cannot catch his pitches–unless he pitches softly. He longed for a catcher who brought out the true potential of a pitcher. Not a catcher who is merely a machine to catch the pitches (he winced, remembering a certain third year’s commentary regarding the matter), but rather a partner who would be able to guide the other half of the battery.
He thought Miyuki was that person, despite the latter’s nasty (or maybe rotten, as Eijun wants to smack the second-year catcher too many times to count) personality.
Yet the thrill he felt akin to the ones in his dreams was not the same thrill he felt with Miyuki. Sure, it was still exciting and nerve-breaking, but it still felt wrong. And among the different catchers he has partnered up with–Ono, Miyauchi, and even Kariba, no one could have given him the same hype–save for one person.
Eijun knows he is fond of two things: baseball and shoujo manga. The recurring dreams proved his love of baseball–the sport he ate, lived, and breathed for. Those dreams–save for the recent one and the nightmares, consist of the same details. Of a faceless catcher crouching 18.44 meters away, of strategy discussions on the mound, of trusting and being trusted in return, and of the sound of the mitt, that oh-so-perfect sound to the extent that no words can define how perfect it truly is.
Now, as if the fog has been lifted, he can see Chris as the catcher. His mentor, the same person who taught him how deep baseball is. The person who guided him towards the right path when he did not know where to go anymore. The person who taught him how to pitch low and away when he had the yips. A good friend who is willing to become a shoulder for one to lean on--probably because he understood the most what it feels like to be stripped off from your own ambition in a single snap.
Sure, they may have started off on the wrong foot, but Eijun has learned during his stay at Seidou that Chris, despite his aloof demeanor, is someone worth respecting. And he does not want to go back ever again to that time, when all they had for each other was hatred and resentment.
He then remembers the last moments of his dream. Of how he wants to bask in that soft gaze forever, and of never wanting to let go of the embrace.
He stood dead in his tracks. a red hue staining his cheeks–reaching the tips of his ears as he covered his now-open mouth–due to surprise, and realization.
If dreams are based on our unconscious desires, does that mean…
Holy shit.
Is he…
Is he in love with Takigawa Chris Yuu?
⚾⚾⚾
During morning practice, he was able to set aside those thoughts (fortunately enough for him, their training can be described as one hell of torture that he cannot think of anything else but the boss torturing them.) Although, the same cannot be said during classes, as he sat, and was dazed the entire time.
This was not left unnoticed by some of his classmates who were weirded out by his behavior–as he was notorious for sleeping in classes, and as a result, he got scolded a lot by the teachers alongside Furuya.
Yet this time…
He slammed his head on the table, the loud noise echoing across the room. His face heated up despite the pain on his forehead. He can feel the inquiring stares and whispers from his classmates, asking if he was alright. He want to yell at them that he is alright, thank you very much. However, the indication of being ‘fine’ can be determined otherwise based on his facial expression alone.
So much for having internal crisis.
“U-uhm, Sawamura-kun. Are you alright?” Despite not seeing the other’s expression, he can notice Yoshikawa’s inquiring yet concerned gaze towards his figure. He immediately sat up straight as he turned towards the latter with a sheepish expression.
“I’I’m fine, Yoshikawa-chan! N-nothing’s wrong, definitely none!” As he let out his usual boisterous laugh (which made Eijun internally wince at how awkward and out-of-place it is and they would definitely know something’s wrong–)
True to his guts, some of his classmates (namely those from the baseball club including Yoshikawa, and those whom he bonded through Shoujo mangas) narrowed their eyes at him. With his trademark cat eyes popping out, he cannot help but ask himself;
“What did he do wrong???!”
One thing led to another and now, he is at the center of the topic as his female classmates surrounded him, forming a circle as they inquired what happened. With pleading eyes, he turned towards Kanemaru, silently asking him to save him.
The latter did not budge even an inch, as if saying “You’re on your own now.” He huffed, turning towards his classmates.
“In case you forgot, we still have a–”
“Oh come on, Sawamura-kun! It’s still class break, you know! So you better tell us what’s on your mind!” One of them interjected, and Eijun knew he was already losing a battle that has not yet even began.
He sighed. Is this what Furuya meant when he said, “girls can be quite annoying?”
⚾⚾⚾
In the end, he told them everything. Or maybe not everything, but certain things that led to his predicament at the moment.
Not the entire details on how the third-year retired catcher-slash-manager-slash-scorekeeper and he interacts, oh no, no. There’s absolutely no way he would tell it to others–especially in the earlier stage of their partnership!
Rather, he simply stated how he is conflicted with his feelings towards his beloved shishou. Of course, without mentioning who the other is. This garnered intrigued expressions from those around him. One particular question from the crowd made him flush heavily–serving as an answer.
“Is it something ill-mannered feelings or, something sappy, perhaps?”
Probably upon seeing his flushed face, they all cooed (and squealed), yet the only thing Eijun wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
‘Alas, it is impossible,’ he groaned ‘although, it would be a great event if it were to occur’.
Like the defeated man he is, he explained to them how he had these reoccurring dreams until such time that some events were altered which also made him confused. He also stated how there was this person (aka his beloved shishou) who was in his dreams and he felt those sappy feelings and he does not know why.
“Oh, Sawamura-kun.” One of his classmates interjected. “I have a question–no, several questions for you. Answer them with yes or no.” He turned towards her, head tilted to the side as question marks could be seen around his head. Assuming that he is willing to answer any question thrown his way.
By the end of the of the final question, he was left a blushing mess. He may have not answered the question, his face says it all.
“Sawamura-kun, you’re in love.” The girl who asked him series of questions, Natsukami, squealed.
“I-I..” He stammered. Shaking his head, he sighed. “It does not matter, anyway. It’s better to watch from the sidelines, as they may not feel the same way.”
“You’ll never know if you try.” A wry smile was plastered on his lips. He won’t look at me that way. After all, I am just nothing but a kohai.
Although, he wishes they could be more than that.
⚾⚾⚾
For the rest of the day, he simply did his usual training; running, pitching, field drills–although he still did his best, the rest of the team noticed his lack of enthusiasm–scaring his teammates as they all whispered to one another about what had happened to him. He did not even protest when the green-haired shortstop wrestled him into a submission hold, and which was even more surprising (to the rest of the first string present) was he did not even spare a glance at Miyuki-–who informed him (and Furuya) to rest in preparation for the semi-finals tomorrow.
(It was the first years–Haruichi, Furuya, Tojou, Kanemaru, and Kariba who snapped from the tension and dragged Eijun towards Kami-sama knows where after dinner. The second years, along with some of the first years could only shrug as they hoped for the best.)
As the first years arrived on Field B, not before stopping by on the nearest vending machine for some drinks, they expressed their concern for the southpaw. The latter became flustered at his friends’ inquiries, as he claimed that he was fine and it was nothing important.
“It was about what happened earlier, isn’t it? Eijun flinched at the question–more like a statement that Kanemaru has thrown at him. It feels like a straight fastball thrown with no control. His mind supplies.
“N-no, no. It’s not that.” he reasoned out, only for the latter to give him a ‘Do-I-look-like-I-believe-in-that-bullshit?’ look. He averted his gaze.
“Yeah? And I don’t have eyes and ears.” Kanemaru huffs.
“Eijun-kun, we want to help you too. This is not something that is meant to be battled alone, talk to us.” Haruichi cajoled him, hands reaching out to hold the southpaw’s–a sign of reassurance, and encouragement.
He breathed out, and muttered. “You’ll hate me.”
“Eijun is Eijun.” Furuya mumbled, patting his shoulder. “We will never hate you.”
The rest of them expressed their assurance towards the southpaw–who was trying not to cry.
“You guys…” He began, as he hugged the nearest people towards him (namely Haruichi and Furuya) “How did i got lucky to have you?”
“S-shut up!” Kanemaru yelled, who was stunned when he got dragged into a hug (alongside Toujou and Kariba).
After a long time, the first to detach themselves from the group hug was Eijun, who sat down and began telling them what he had shared earlier with his classmates. This time, he elaborates on his recurring dreams and how he has come to Seidou to find an answer–a face behind that mask.
“...and by the time I was able to see clearly the person, I cannot seem to fathom these–” Eijun waves his hand around randomly, as an attempt to explain how much it confuses him too “--feelings.” He added.
“I am quite unsure whether what I felt was true or not until earlier when Chiake-chan asked me series of questions.” Eijun hid his face into his palms, face flushing upon remembering the series of questions and how he may have answered yes (or more like nodded to almost all of them).
“I have a question–no, several questions for you. Answer them with yes or no.” He tilted his head to the, question marks appearing around his head.
“Do you think of this person a lot?”
Does he? He dutifully does the training regime that his shishou gives him. Thinking about wanting to play with him for a bit longer, of how he wants to see the older smile, of hearing his voice, of–
“Yes.” Eijun answered.
“Do you feel jealous of those around them?”
Jealous? Why would he be? He has no rights to get jealous. Sometimes it is an ugly feeling that constraints people. And him being jealous towards around people sounds like locking up a prized bird in a cage.
And he does not want that.
He shook his head.
“Do you feel your heart racing, or butterflies in your stomach being around them?”
It was way much better than that. Every time he sees the older, it was as if there was a rain during drought. Or a new chapter of a shoujo manga or even book! Everytime is an absolute blessing, and as if it were a new beginning.
No words would be able to explain how he feels every time Eijun is around the third-year.
He nodded.
“Do you feel safe, and happy around them?”
Of course, he does. Even though Chris may be stern at times, especially with his shenanigans, he does not make him feel unsafe. Rather, the older welcomes it (even though he can see the older shake his head at his antics–-although once, he saw a glimpse of a smile in his face.)
“Do you find their quirks, perhaps, attractive?”
He is reminded of the third year’s baby hairs straying onto his forehead, unable to be contained with gel, and how his notes towards the opponents are extremely detailed, to the extent of knowing the relatives of the players or their hobbies. Of how he won’t stop teaching Eijun until he gets it right–and one time, he even asked the third year whether he is annoyed that he cannot get it right easily, only for Chris to reply
“Learning takes time, it is better to learn it the right way rather than the wrong method, which may cause harm. Fret not, Sawamura, it would be a failure on my part if I were not able to teach you properly rather than getting mad at you for not getting it immediately.”
There was also that one time where he caught the older buying a can of coffee from the vending machine and blanched as he stared at the same can as if it personally offended him. Chris, upon noticing his stare, chuckles and explains that he does not really drink coffee that much, and rather prefers tea. Upon hearing this, Eijun asked him; “Why are you drinking it, then?”
“To survive this night since I have to do something.” the third year said, taking a sip then grimacing—probably from the bitterness.
“Why are you torturing yourself with that—” he pointed at the can of black coffee, “--that abomination?!”
The older raised his eyebrow and hummed, amusement etched across his face.
“Yes.” He muttered
“Lastly, do you want to spend a lot more time with them?”
At this point, he can feel his face flush deep red as he slowly nodded on the final question. Holy sh–
He really is in love.
“And that’s it.” Eijun ended as he turned towards his friends, all of whom were wearing a look of understanding. Haruichi smiled.
“It’s Chris-senpai, isn’t it?” His eyes widened as he stared at the pinkette who blurted out the information.
“H-how did you know?”
“Oh, Eijun-kun.” The pinkette hummed. “Recurring dreams may be seen as a warning or a sign in certain cases, although they can also be a manifestation of one's desires. Considering you mentioned a faceless figure behind a face guard, we can say that the person is a catcher.” The southpaw nodded.
“Among the catchers you have encountered, the ones you have pitched to are Miyauchi-senpai, Miyuki-senpai, Kariba, Ono-senpai, and Chris-senpai.” Furuya muttered.
“Among them, you look up more to both Miyuki-senpai and Chris senpai—no offense, Kariba,” Kanemaru commented, the latter replying with “none taken.”
“I really thought it would be Miyuki-senpai since you ask him a lot to catch for you alongside Furuya,” Eijun’s cat-eyes popped-out, and the dark-haired pitcher’s aura flared, “yet upon seeing you once with Chris-senpai—it’s different.” Kariba added.
“You look at him with great adoration, with extreme longing, passion, and devotion.”
“W-was it that obvious?”
“Not really, but we are your friends, Eijun-kun.” Haruichi murmured, hands clasping the southpaw’s in reassurance. “We know you, and for someone who wears your heart on their sleeve, you hid those feelings too well. That aside, maybe we can help you with him.”
The brunette shook his head. “He won’t look at me that way. After all, I am just nothing but his kohai.”
“You’ll never know, you know? Besides, it is better to confess than to keep it all to yourself, you know?”
“It’s better to watch on the sidelines.” He'll not feel the same way, anyway.
“Now, now, where’s the spirit, Eijun-kun? What if it was mutual anyway?” The latter went silent, he then shook his head.
“Don’t give me false hope, Haru–”
“No matter what the result will be, we will always support you.”
(After pondering about it for some time, Eijun decided that he will confess towards the third year.
After all, his parents and grandfather did not raise a quitter.)