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Driving was your specialty. For this mission you were assigned as both soldier and driver to bring the troops to the country border. Under Colonel König the order was simple; clear the area from terrorists and escort the figurehead.
The Colonel participated, he was sitting beside you as the truck passed through thick forest heading to the assigned place. Finally he broke the silence between,
"Nervous?"
You shook your head, "No, sir. You know it's not my first time here."
"This gonna be your last mission before being promoted to sergeant, good luck."
Even the balaclava hide your smile, your eyes couldn't lie. Since your day one in Kortac, König alway be the senior that supporting you from behind like a brother despite his rank.
The way he rarely showed up nor he revealed about his personal life affected his reputation. They often view König as a beast as the rumor said he could banish a whole troop alone only with a hammer.
They said if König's vest was white, it would come back in red.
You too didn't quite understand about his personal life but the rumors were definitely too much. For you he was the best. Like how a responsible leader supposed to be, he talked you through the hardest time of your career as a soldier.
Somehow your heart throbbed to see him handle things as professional combatant, probably this what we called admiration.
You thought.
Unfortunately the laugh didn't last. This mission turned out to be a living hell. Many of your men were wounded to the point that retreat was necessary. König missed too many details including the fact that the opponent had air patrol. In order to wipe your troops out, they wouldn't hesitate to demolish their place with missiles.
They know you all were none to be underestimated.
Like an old pal, König trusted his back on you while looking for the safest way for exfiltration. Exfiltration's car was waiting on the other side of the site. This time every shot should be counted, both of you were running out of ammo.
Under the balaclava you were coughing over the flying dust. The first airstrike ruined main building. It didn't get you, but a piece of metal that flew out of nowhere does. It scarred your temple, dripping down fresh red liquid down to your face blurring your left sight.
"The car is behind this building, let's go!"
His voice probably was the only thing that kept you sane by ignoring the ringing sound your ears made after the first airstrike. The good luck charm in his words didn't work as tragedy kept raining upon both of you. Not so long after that, an unexpected explosion threw you both hard enough to hit the wall.
Ringing sound inside your head was getting louder, your head was spinning. While your sight was fading away, you had a glimpse of König that tried to crawl closer to you.
He kept calling your name.
The only response that you were able to give was rolling on your back and heavily inhaling the air-filled dust. God forbid you for having a bit of peace, really. Whenever you exhaled, there was a sharp pain in your chest. At this point you were about to give up, but the corner of your eyes caught something.
The Colonel was busy helping you get up when you noticed somebody behind the window aiming at both of you.
BUGH!
Last thing you remembered after dodging his tall figure to the ground was a shock from your body for two bullets penetrated under your organs unannounced. Right away he dragged your body behind the ruins.
"Man down! Man down!" the voice of him shouting to the comm sounded far though he was right beside you.
The shock made you unable to talk as your sight rapidly decreased; you were fading away while tightly gripping his arm. Death was scaring you, but oh, at least you were with him in your very last moment.
"Look at me!" he shook your shoulder few times hope it keeping you awake. It did, only for you smiling while vaguely staring at the cloudy sky.
Life was not that bad, you recalled.
Though not regretting your tragic end, in fact it wasn't your turn yet.
You were gaining consciousness somewhere in a nice white-blue room. Your sight was blurry but the moment you opened it somebody was gently tapping your cheek, trying to keep you awake. Your mind failed to comprehend who was that person. It was a figure wearing a black balaclava and long sleeves of the same color.
"Where..." One word escaped from you, the rest was restrained by the itch in your hoarse throat. Every last bit of energy existed you used to ask, "Konig.. where.."
König is safe, was the only thing you wanted to know.
Before your consciousness completely turned off for the second time, you saw this person clicking the nurse bell beside your head several times.
It was hard after that day. You had several awful bruises, two bullet wounds, two stitches on your temple and twenty-four stitches from where they fix your ribs.
The second explosion got you, it ruined two of your ribs.
They made you stay at the hospital for two weeks and more. It made your promotion to sergeant postponed. Even worse, once you get back König moved you to the office because (according to the hospital) you need less physical activity to recover better.
Well, speaking about König, while you were in the hospital you never once saw him visiting. Instead, you were often visited by Horangi on behalf of him. König was kind enough to greet you on the first day you came back but that was it.
Honestly it was upsetting for him not to show up during your recovery process, like you were nothing. He was alive but his detailed condition was unknown after the last mission, he had very minimum appearance since that day.
But he was the colonel, to your understanding all this failure must be blamed on him. He bear the burden.
For a moment you were lost in mini calendar on the desk, staring at every deadline you had. It had been only five days since you were moved to the office. Long periods of resting didn't sit right with you. Weeks of minimum physical activity made your body sore, you got tired easily.
To you 24 stitches on the left side of your body came with paranoia, you couldn't even bend yourself, sneeze, sleep, or share a laugh without the fear of snapping it out. Before this tragedy your duty was in the warehouse. You stack things, make sure it was nice and clean— now you need to learn office paperwork from zero.
Back in the warehouse you did paper too, but not as complicated as the office required, so you often took extra time to learn about things here, just like today. Your shift ended by 7 PM, it was 9. The hallways were empty, no one really roamed around the facility at night as most night shifts were on the outside.
Knock knock
Without quit typing at your keyboard you peeked behind your computer to see who was knocking on the door. It was Horangi stepped in with a can of soda.
"You good?" He put the can on your table as he dragged a rolling chair to sit near you. Apparently the drink was for you, "how was the office?"
"People are nice here," you reached the can and cheered to him before snapping the tab open, "thanks!"
"In my warehouse they were not nice?"
"Less yelling," a chuckle followed after one big chug of soda. Horangi had his glasses off, you caught his eyes smiling.
"I saw you doing overtime a lot," he opened the conversation, "is it even allowed to—"
"You... or König?"
One question from you left him silenced, you proceed to answer anyway, "hmm, I need to learn a lot here, what do you expect from a logistic person to be in the office."
Though sinking in silence, his fingertip impatiently tapping his own knee without breaking the eye contact, "you know what" he grabbed your attention.
"He did everything he could," to you it sounded like Horangi didn't want his buddy to be looked down on.
"What do you mean?" you looked at him a bit confused about where he wanted to bring this conversation to.
"My order was to watch you recover in the hospital because after that day he didn't know how to approach you."
Each of his words made your eyes wider, he presented you with the truth. Before you the injury König and you protect each other's back, the way he avoided you right after never met your understanding.
"But why—"
Like he knew you would ask why, Horangi answered right away, "out of everyone you're the one who nearly died. Even worse it's because of him, in front of him. He blames himself all the time. You were out for five days, he was there almost all the time."
The red dots connected, knowing the man in balaclava was König and he waited for you to wake up from five days of coma turn you completely silent. The way you stare made Horangi lean back on the chair, a dry laugh came out, "what the fuck did I just say," Horangi scolded himself.
"No, no—" you snapped out of your thoughts, "thank you... for explaining."
"Don't push yourself too hard," said while he put the chair back in place, "I better head back before saying even more classified things," he joked before heading out from the office
The conversation with Horangi made you wander deep about König's perspective; what is it to see a person you treasure facing death in your arm? How heavy the guilt will be if he was late and couldn't bring you back?
Pain in your hips threw you back to reality, you were sitting so long. So you stood up almost doing your usual stretching, glad the memory of your wounds clicking.
Really frustrated sigh followed as you packed your things inside a paper bag, the doctors advised you to not use the upper muscle too much, that means upper stretch, heavy loads or a backpack would be a bad idea.
When you walked out of the office you realized that both of your legs were still functioning. So, you head straight to the gym with a bag of your gym clothes, loose shirt and loose knee shorts. Loose in everything, the stitch really came with paranoia.
Glad the backdoor wasn't locked after shift. Before you changed, you had a few good minutes staring at your top-less body in the gym bathroom. The large cuts on your left body from the surgery were healing along with the other scars.
You were destroyed.
But that was what it takes to be a soldier. It wasn't like you didn't accept how your body formed after that day, it was just you wish König would face you as it is.
You wish he was there.
You really couldn't tell what feelings that surround your heart right now.
Was it resentment or just a sense of missing him?
The moment you stepped in the area there was somebody busy weightlifting. Judging from how wide his back was, he must have done this a lot. Cool, you thought. Deep in your heart you wish you could soon go back to weightlifting before your muscles fade away. Sadly, since the stitches came with paranoia you knew it would take you a long time to erase the fear of snapping it out.
The treadmill was on the other side of the room, you hop on it half-heartedly. Walking on the treadmill was the only safe exercise in your judgment. That was when this man cussed during his lift, it made you turn immediately,
"Agh, scheiße, where the earbud fell—"
This empty gym echoed your gasp and immediately took his attention since now he was able to hear the surrounding. From his accent you recognized him right away. He was more surprised as both of your eyes met. It was your first time seeing this man without a mask and it seemed like it was his first time being seen without one too.
Panic flashed in his eye. He turned his back on you while tapping on every pocket he had, looking for something that certainly wasn't there.
"König..." Slowly you approached him, he interrupted by pointing at his balaclava that lay on top of plate shelves, probably he forgot it there when picking up plates.
"Oh! There! There it is, my mask!" König tried to walk past you but you stood in his way. He couldn't run forever, at least you won't let him.
Just like you, he too ran out of words. Unable to keep your face straight, disappointment fused in your eyes as you stare at him, knowing he still had the urge to run even though this was probably the only time both of you could talk.
Deep down you really missed him. Getting avoided was not very pleasant either.
His hands went from ruffling his hair to pressing his own face— covering the scars, rubbing it in frustration. Eventually, he sat on the bench facing the soft-mattress gym floor instead of you, "I dont want to make you uncomfortable," he sighed, "let me grab my mask back before we chat."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You know, I.." he kept eyeing the balaclava that was probably only seven steps away from him. A gentle tap you place on his shoulder,
"Listen, I didn't mean to scare you"
"Ah, nein, how could you scare me. Hahah! That's supposed to be my line." A long pause struck before he continued, "I heard your wounds are getting better... I'm glad."
You couldn't help but gazing at him softly, the upsets and anger evaporated the time he spoke.
Probably you did not resent him.
On the bench he stared at the ground, fright glazing his eyes as if his horrible imagery of something flashed inside his head, "I saw your scar when it was still bleeding. I thought I would lose you.."
It sparked something in your chest because Horangi was right. You reached his head, slowly, giving him more time to refuse you. But he was not. He let your finger ran between his hair, gently stroking it behind.
"So you were beside me all the time I was not conscious?"
"Heh, sort of." he awkwardly scoffed. Though avoiding your gaze, you caught fright melted away from his gaze and his blink getting slower, he enjoyed the head strokes, "I'm sorry, should've been me who took care of you." he added.
"Horangi wasn't that bad even I rarely talk to him as a person before this."
The way you said his name made König pause for a moment, "you like his company?"
"Mhm, he checked me often. Recently too."
"So… you two close now?"
"Closer than before."
He went silent.
"Hmm, what's that? Jealous?"
The way you joked made him finally tilt his head up for a moment, "huh?! No— how could I feel like that about him." Even saying so, his eyebrows were squeezing against each other and his glance was sharp.
Didn't seem like not jealous
"König, what's on the ground? Still looking for your earbuds? Look at me." you couldn't help but whined, it eventually felt strange for having a conversation with person that did not even meet your eyes.
"It would only make you really uncomfortable, this is a better way to talk to you right now," he seemed anxious by tapping his feet, "amongst others.. you're the last person I want to show my face."
Oh, it was face-reveal problem?
"I saw that earlier." you were happy enough to be able to talk to him after a long time, you didn't even think about anything else.
"You would regret it to observe more."
One palm of yours started pressing his cheek, gently rubbing it with your thumb until he finally gave up and tilting his head to you. As you stare at his face, in silence your thumb traveled to his feature; the skin, the jaw, the scars— indeed there were an awful healed scars.
Desperation covering his gaze that locked to yours, seemed like he was just about to lose something important, "I don't want you to hate me.."
"For running away from me?
"Dummkopf, the mask. I don't feel human without my mask… nor do i look like one, hahah!" Though he joked, his laugh only made your forehead fold for how hurt it sounded. "It's alright, though" he added again, "I didn't expect you to be nice about i—"
You grasped the red thread of this conversation before immediately cutting his words, "you mean the scars?"
Your thumb lapped on the scars, tracing every bump on his cheek then a white healed line right across his lips. This was probably the first time you could see his eyes clearly. Without the black paint around it, he looked more like a person. Couldn't help, it nudged a little crescent in your face.
Up there your eyes were screened between fascination and admiration; for the evidence of him surviving, for nobody ever saw him in his own skin but you, for a little tingle in your heart looking at him just the way he is. While not answering your question all he did was avoiding your gaze then leaning on your palm, you caught him secretly nuzzling into it.
"I wonder what kind of pain you've been through.." again, your hand crawled up to his hair, filling each gap on your fingers with his strands before gently stroking it behind. From this view you can see a few spots on his head that were no longer growing hair.
Few, he survived getting hurt in the vital part more than twice.
Slowly he leaned forward to press his forehead on your abdomen hiding his face there. A thin smile on you grew big, he was getting comfortable as you kept stroking his head.
"I wish you would never know what it is like to be like this." he muttered.
As days went by Konig's absence continued. At this point you couldn't guess it was just him not hanging out with most of his fellows like usual or was it because of you. But your last meeting ended on a good note so couldn't be you, you assumed.
Office still the place where you belong. Delivering papers to several divisions became part of your weekly routine. Today you dragged two large boxes of classified documents to The Colonel's office.
Dragged; they made you use a trolley for carrying boxes instead of hands because apparently, the Colonel said you shall not be given heavy physical works until further notice.
As you get in after his approval, König with his mask and usual long sleeve was busy on his desk poorly wrapping bandages around his right hand.
"Leave it there, danke." he said without even looking at you, busy figuring out how to wrap his hand neatly.
"Sir," concerned was the only thing he could tell from your tone. With his experiences in this field, it was almost impossible for him to screw basic medical situations like this. His poor work was merely because of the struggle from operating his non-dominant hand.
"Let me help," you added as you crouched near him, reaching his palm before spreading it gently.
"You don't have to—"
Deafening yourself from how he refused, you keep stripping all poorly wrapped bandages to replace them with the new ones. Large cut across his palm revealed, the wound was clean with meds rubbed on it. The cut was clean, must be a little accident on his own. With your help, the bandage turned out neater and easier for him to move with it.
"You should stop showing me love."
His words interrupted you from bandaging him, leaving your work unfinished to look up to the man in utter confusion. He pulled away his hand from you, letting the short end of pre-cut bandage freely swaying.
From how he stood up and had a few steps before getting into the topic he started, seemed like he thought saying that was a bad decision.
"I don't want to get used to it," he paused, staring at you that apparently a bit shocked, you did not flinch from your former position, "I would long for more and more. It wouldn't be good for you either. One day... one day I would be terrified to imagine a day without it."
No matter how strong he is, he knew feelings can single-handedly end him.
He scoffed while turning his back on you, trying to add humor to his heavy confession though he didn't sound natural either, "besides, I can't figure out your intention for being kind to a person like me even after I took my mask off."
"Nobody was ever able to look at me in the eyes after they see me, yet you're still here. Sounds too good if you have no intention," he peeked at you, making sure you hear each one of his words, "It's been too long for you to act like this. It was nice to be with you... If you have something to achieve or bet to clear, you can just tell m—"
You grabbed his arm to turn him, forcing his tall figure to face you, "what the fuck you mean I have intention. I want nothing!" it hurt you a bit, his words. You hit his shoulder with your hand, he barely flinched. There was underlying anger sparked between all the shock and sadness in your face. Tears welled on your eyes as you tried to swallow the sadness away, at least not crying in front of him.
If he was uncomfortable by it, you would fully understand and took few steps back, but his reason for refusing your affection was far more stupid than you thought. Couldn't blame him either, you didn't know what hell he had been through.
"you're just..." few blinks rolled the tears down your cheek as you did your best to finish your sentence though your voice getting quieter ang quieter by the end of sentence, "you're just very dear to me.."
When he thought the worst thing could happen was you leaving him, he was wrong. Seeing you shed tears because of him felt far more horrible.
Hesitantly his hand reached your shoulder, he did you wrong by making you cry, didn't want any other thing to go that way. This time he made a good decision by slowly pulling you closer before embracing you in his arms.
It was his turn to reassure you. He had never been this touchy but this time he left a peck on your head, "I'm sorry.."
The kiss up there failed you to sobs, all the hurt his words caused evaporated in milliseconds replaced with shock.
A happy shock?
You couldn't tell, your chest was beating too fast.
Slowly König hide his face in the crook of your neck, resting it there as if it just released such a heavy weight, "I can't lose you… I don't want to," his hand grew tight wrapped around you as he murmured. Seeing death flashed in front of you affected him, putting him into realization that it could not be avoided.
"König," your hand stretched out to hook on his shoulder, giving him a light squeeze returning the hug, "I'm still here."
A scoff came out from him, "you didn't even know my name."
"Regardless your actual name, you are still The King I know."
Under that mask he was grinning widely. Probably, just this time; he would accept his defeat to things called feelings.
- fin ?