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Sneak, Snivel, And Susan Go To Walmart

Summary:

Sneak, Snivel, and Susan go to Walmart and have little misadventures.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The Nightmare Shark Ship rumbled and bounced as it rode across the empty roadway, swerving through the tight city streets of the Dreamworld’s version of Brooklyn. Its tires scarred the roadway wherever the ship rode, leaving a trail of harsh ruts in the parking lot, contrasting the eerie sky. The Night Hunter had brought his crew of Grimspawn to this strange version of the city, hellbent on finding one thing.

He accidentally lost his hook-hand underneath one of the aisles in that Walmart, and he kinda needed that thing if he wanted to shoot his crossbow.

And alongside him were only Sneak, Snivel, and Susan. After all, he didn’t exactly need to bring an entire army to Walmart. Last time he did that, the Pretzel Incident happened.

The pirate ship screeched to a stop in the parking lot, accidentally running Dallas over (let's see YOU try not running someone over in that thing!) , and the Night Hunter began to give the trio a rundown. “Listen. I’ve got to retrieve my hook hand from this Walmart, but you three have been pretty good tonight.” He handed a ten dollar bill to each member, adding “Here’s ten dollars. Go get something you like, but no soda, sugar, or caffeine.” When the three began to scuttle off, he added, “And especially no Rad Radioactive! We don’t want a repeat of the Pretzel Incident.”

Snivel gave his boss a salute, remarking “Gotcha, boss!” before running through the doors. He definitely wouldn’t want the Pretzel Incident to happen again… the Nightmare King’s still trying to get the smell of mayonnaise out of his throne.  

The three immediately split paths when they got into the door, each looking for something fun to get.

 

—-------------------------------------------------

 

Snivel strutted through the aisles, his weird-little-head-thingy bobbing behind him as he looked around. “C’mon, c’mon, there’s gotta be something good! Something instead of bread! Something like…”

He skidded to a stop and tried to catch his breath, but when he looked up, his heart sank. Surrounding him on both sides were cereal boxes looming high… and every cartoon mascot was staring him right in the eye. He slowly began to tremble, remembering what the Night Hunter said: that cereal would probably kill him. And when he gazed into the cereal, the cereal gazed back, their ear-to-ear grins eerily plastered across every box.

 

One thought rang through his mind….

 

“I gotta get out of here!”

 

Snivel started sprinting as fast as he could, desperately weaving between startled shoppers, who also  screamed, jumping up on their carts and yelling about there being a rat in the store… only within the snack aisle did Snivel find a good hiding place, shoving himself into a jar of pretzels…

…and immediately getting his head stuck.

“Oh come on, why does my big head have to ruin everyth- wait, are these sourdough?”

When he was sure the threat was gone, he began slowly waddling over to the checkout. 

 

—--------------------------

 

Sneak glanced back and forth, furtively, as he examined the aisles. He knew that there was a nonzero chance that the Dream Chasers were here. And while the three of them might be able to hold their own against them until their boss could help them… when separated, they were basically dead if they ended up in a confrontation. And the new Logan-style hat he got from an endcap by the checkout for five dollars wasn’t helping.

 

Still, that didn’t stop him from looking for what he wanted the most: something to really chew on, and something to sharpen his claws. The Nightmare King was getting tired of all the scratch marks on the walls and tooth marks on his weapons, so it’d be a good way to get on his good side. Especially after that time he helped Logan escape. While he did put an Eye on Logan’s hat, it was really more to save face than anything. 

 

So it was just his luck to bump into ol’ Stinkbrain again right in the dog toy aisle.

 

Sneak and Logan stared at each other in disbelief; Sneak in the “why is this sports-kid in the dog toy aisle?” sense, Logan in the “oh my god, Sneak’s still alive!”-sense. After a moment, the poor creature found himself immediately in a bear hug,

“Sneak! You didn’t die!”

Sneak only could sputter out a weak “HELP!”... that is, until he managed to squirm out from his grip and flop on the floor. After an awkward pause of Sneak trying to catch his breath, Logan asked him something.

“So uh… what are you doing in here? And where are, like, your Grimspawn friends?”

“First off, they ain’t my friends, but Snivel and Susan are trying to find something to buy. Nighty’s off trying to find his hook. Second… well, I kinda have something to tell ya, just put me on the floor.”

“Lay it on me, man.”


After Logan set Sneak down on the floor, he tried to find the words for what he was going to say. No matter what, he would come across as betraying Logan’s trust… which he really didn’t want. But he had to say it.

“...Okay, you’re allowed to be mad at me for this… but… The Nightmare King would have definitely killed me if I didn’t do this. But I put an Eye on your hat for him to spy on you… so uh, I got this new hat for you.” Instantly, Sneak cowered and winced, preparing for the incoming impact… but all he got was a flick upon the forehead.

 

When he opened his eyes, Logan was crouching down in front of him. “Dude, I totally forgive you, but seriously don’t do that again. Okay?”

“Wait, you aren’t going to kill me?”

Logan sputtered for a bit, clearly shocked at what Sneak just casually asked.“Wh… What the heck made you think I was going to kill you?”

“Any time I mess up a little the Nightmare King just threatens to kill me.” 

 

“...Dude, that is messed up.

“Look, just take the hat, okay? So that my boss can’t spy on you any more.”

—--------------------------

 

“Heeheehee!”

Susan flew and weaved between the displays, enjoying her time causing mischief by dropping cans onto hapless customers and knocking boxes over, and soon, she landed in the toy aisle to look for more tools for her to torment the customers. Finding something was secondary, until she found a foam sword hanging in the toy aisle. Snatching it up, she immediately began swinging it around with a mad giggle… that is, until she heard a squeaky, slightly bitcrushed voice behind her, servos whirring as somebody rose up.

 

“Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Finally, a wowthy opponent for Elmo!”

 

Slowly turning around, she saw a Tickle-Me-Elmo that got out of its packaging, swinging around a Nerf sword of his own. And just to cap it off, the red furry toy made a “bring it” gesture, to invite Susan to a battle. "You awe no match for my cute, wed, fuwwy might! Heeheehee!"

And if it was a battle Elmo wanted, it's a battle Elmo would get. Immediately, she went in wildly swinging, Elmo parrying every hit she could throw at him, and swinging back when Susan was exhausted, giggling like Tickle-Me-Elmo would. He relentlessly taunted her, totally kicking her butt. “Foowishness, gwimspawn, foowishness!” 

 

Before long, he swept the Grimspawn’s tiny legs out from under her, batting away her sword once she landed. His own sword was pointed right at her little throat, and he let out pre-recorded laugh after pre-recorded laugh, causing rage to boil up inside her.

 

“Any last words, Gwimspawn?”

“Yeah! Enjoy the fall!

Before the toy could react, Susan had snatched his leg, and was flying up as high as she could. If she can’t fight like a swordswoman, she’ll have to fight like a Grimspawn. 

 

Swinging the toy back-and forth, she kept getting smacked right near one of her many eyes by Elmo’s foam sword. But with one last mighty toss, Tickle-Me-Elmo was no more, smashing into pieces on the hard linoleum floor.

And just to make matters more humiliating, she snatched his sword for good measure, taking it to the checkout.

 

—--------------------------

 

Finally, the Night Hunter had got his hook back. It took him the better part of an evening squeezing through the vents and having to crush rats with his bare hand, but he finally got it back. Now it was time to wait for the rest of them by the checkout line.

 

Snivel was the first to come up to the checkout with the humiliating sight of a pretzel tub stuck on his head, followed by Susan covered in claw marks … and Sneak, slowly walking with a dog toy in tow up to the squad.

 

“Sneak, are you the only one who didn’t get injured or humiliated today?”

“Hell yeah I am!” 

“Good job. And Susan…”

“Yes, boss?”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you dropping that Tickle-Me-Elmo. Let’s just check out of here and get home.”

 

With that, the group just had their products checked by a very confused employee and skedaddled out of there…

 

…But not without backing over several cars when Susan got a hold of the wheel.

Notes:

what even is that thingy dangling off of snivel's head called? a dongle?