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“Matthew! Thanks so much for your help with the field trip—oh!”
The woman startled back when Alfred turned. He’d been leaning against his car, waiting for Matthew at the school where he worked. Matthew had dental surgery today, so Alfred was being super generous with his time and driving his brother to the doctor’s office and back. The woman, who Alfred assumed was another teacher, patted down a crease in her long green skirt and smiled. “Sorry, you look like one of my colleagues…”
“Matthew? The English teacher?” Alfred asked. “Yeah, that’s my twin brother!” He offered a hand to shake. “Alfred, nice to meet ya.”
“Katyusha,” she shook his hand. “I teach History.”
“I got an F in History, once.” Alfred sighed dramatically. “Just like Tzar Nicholas II, the Russian Revolution module was my downfall.”
“Oh, no,” she chuckled. “Well, unlike him, you seem to have survived it. Anyway,” she tucked some hair behind her ear, “I’ll leave you to it.”
“No, wait, you need Mattie, right?” Alfred could see him stepping out of the school building and he waved. “There he is.”
Matthew spotted Alfred and hurried up. As he approached, his eyes kept darting over to Katyusha. “Hey!” he greeted the pair of them, though his smile was directed at her. “What’s up, Katya?”
“I just wanted to say, thank you so much for helping me organise that field trip this Friday.” She squeezed his forearm. Hello?? And Matthew smiled wider and shook his head. He was blushing a little. Hello??????
“Oh, please, it was nothing.”
“I’m buying you lunch this Friday, okay?”
“No, what? You don’t need to!”
“Shh, I will,” Katyusha grinned. “Okay, have a good tooth extraction.”
“Very funny. Thanks.”
They waved at each other as they parted and Matthew hopped into the passenger’s seat. Alfred did not miss the way his eyes lingered over Katyusha as she unlocked her bike.
“Oooh, you have a crush on Katyusha,” Alfred teased, as he started up the car. “I get it, she’s pretty cute.”
“She is a friend and a colleague,” Matthew retorted archly. He drummed his fingers against the dashboard.
“Who you want to kiss.”
Matthew rolled his eyes. “It’s not like that, Alfred…”
“Why do you deny it?” Alfred turned into the highway. “Besides, she was sending you signals. Squeezing your arm like that? Buying you lunch? It’s cuteee. You should ask her out.”
“I think she had a boyfriend,” Matthew admitted. “It doesn’t matter, let’s talk about tooth extraction.”
“No,” Alfred dug in. It was so rare that he got the chance to tease Matthew about crushes. His brother was so shy and secretive about that part of his life, he never even told Alfred about it unless he had to. Alfred. And they were twins! Best friends! “Dude, you’re so repressed.”
“I am not repressed.”
“You are!” Alfred goaded. “Come onnn, let’s talk about it. So, you like Katyusha.”
“She has a boyfriend.”
“You said she had a boyfriend. She doesn’t anymore.”
“Right.” Matthew made a face that was nearly a pout. “You know, I guess I’ve just convinced myself she won’t like me back.”
Alfred nearly rear-ended someone as he slowed at a stop sign. “What? Why? She was flirting with you, dude. Also—everyone likes you. You’re like the nicest guy most people know.”
Matthew grinned weakly. “Honestly, after the disasters that were my last three relationships, my confidence in this department is a little shattered.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Alfred stared ahead at the slow-moving road with a pinprick of guilt. Matthew had crap luck in that department. It was probably why he didn’t like talking about his love life. In the past, Alfred’s boyfriend Lovino had even offered to set him up with people, but that somehow never panned out. Matthew had a way of evading these questions. As if on cue, he pointed to a car up ahead, with a dog sticking its head out of the window.
“Aw, cutie! It’s a Samoyed! You know, I’ve been thinking of getting one.”
“Oh my god, you should!” And Alfred launched into some spiel about how cute it would be for Matthew to own a puppy and how Alfred demanded the right to drop in at all hours to play with it, and did Matthew have any dog name ideas yet, and…
Alfred was pulling into the dentist office parking lot before it occurred to him that Matthew had diffused the interrogation about Katyusha.
Matthew was getting his wisdom teeth removed. Alfred got his done only last year, so he was mentally prepared for the loopiness afterwards, and Mattie did not disappoint. Later, they stumbled back to the car, Matthew leaning on Alfred, vaguely saying things like, “D’you think dentists are afraid of other dentists?” and pointing at a man walking his rottweiler and saying, “Oh my god that such a cool horse.”
“Can I drive?” Matthew grinned, eyes glazed and drooling pink saliva. “I’m…I’m…” he squinted as if focusing on the words “a better driver than you.”
“No,” Alfred paused. “On both counts.”
By the time Alfred had come around to the driver’s seat, Matthew was leaning against the window with his eyes half shut, his spectacles discarded somewhere by his feet. Alfred sighed and picked them up, wiping the smudged glass on his shirt. He hunted around the back seat for Matthew’s backpack to find his spectacle case. Matthew started spontaneously giggling.
“What’s so funny?”
“The word ‘gerund’.” And Matthew absolutely lost his shit. He was just dying of laughter, curling in on himself. “Gerund. Ger-und. Gerrrrr….unnnnd.”
If Alfred was an eviler person he would record this. He just about managed to put Mattie’s glasses away and turn back to the steering wheel. “English teacher humour sure is something.”
By the time they managed to get back to Matthew’s apartment, he’d become quiet, except for the occasional hiss and groan. Feeling must have been returning to his mouth. “Aaaalllll,” he whined. “Why did I do this to mysellllf?”
“Because you’re very responsible. Lovi had to force me. He said he’d not sleep with me until I got my wisdom teeth removed. It was very mean of him.”
“Lovi is mean, sometimes,” Matthew agreed. “But you need it. It’s good for you.”
Alfred snorted. “Thanks.” He parked the car and helped Matthew out.
“Katya’s nice. Not mean at all. And so pretty.”
“Mm, yeah, you should ask her out.” Alfred was more focused on getting Mattie up the stairs and into bed in one piece, so he really wasn’t thinking too hard about what he was saying.
“Yeah,” Matthew said suddenly. “I will.”
“Oh.” Alfred stopped, grinned, and patted his back. “Atta boy.”
Once they were inside, Alfred helped Matthew to the nearest chair and said, “I’ll get you a bowl of yoghurt.”
“Not hungry…”
“You are, dude. You’re just too drugged up to feel it.”
“Oh.” Matthew nodded sagely. “Makes sense.”
Alfred returned from the kitchen to find a horrific sight. Matthew was on his phone. “Wait! Wait! No—” He had his phone on him? Alfred was so sure he’d taken that away! “Please tell me you’re not—” he set the bowl down and snatched the phone from Mattie’s hands. He ignored his brother’s protesting cry, and…oh god.
-Katyaaaaaa
-iii wanted to say to you klooked so pretty today green suit u
-Di you wan tto get coffee sometime
-Likea date
-I really like you youre so funny and smart andd pretty nd nice n historic
“Historic?” Alfred cried. “Historic? What kind of compliment is ‘historic’, she’s going to think you’re calling her old!!”
“No! Because she’s a History teacher!” Matthew explained.
“Oh my god. We have to delete these. How do you unsend—shit, she’s typing.”
Matthew made a grab for the phone but Alfred held it out of his reach.
-Oh wow…Thank you Matthew :)
-I really like you too! Are you okay, though??
-That nitrous oxide sure is something, huh :P
-I hope you don’t regret this when you sober up!
-Yes we can have coffee when you’re feeling better! Sleep well~
“What did she say?” Matthew asked, sounding hopeful.
“I can’t believe that fucking worked.” Alfred switched the phone off. “You get this back in the morning. Congratulations on the most insane romantic confession ever.”
“I hope she doesn’t dump me or cheat on me or ghost me like everyone else,” Matthew sighed, picking up his yoghurt.
“Yeah.” Alfred patted his shoulder. “There’s no way to tell that. You’re just going to have to take the risk.”
Matthew nodded. His face was horrifically swollen from the surgery but he smiled anyway.