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It had been awhile since Satoru and Suguru had spent time together, really spent time together. Their days off goofing off around campus were instead replaced with less time consuming activities like watching a movie or redecorating Yagas desk. There became this invisible barrier that seemed to just push the two away no matter how hard Satoru fought and clawed his way forward.
Now they were both in the kitchen, Suguru standing over the stove making tonight's meal while Satoru sat on the counter top, swaying his feet as he watched. Shoko was in her room, studying, leaving the two alone dancing around this weird tension that’d built in the air.
As he watched Satoru noticed a certain hostile method Suguru used to chop the vegetables in front of him. It was odd to see really, Suguru had this sort of appreciation for the food he cooked, no matter how insignificant the dish he put care and effort into it. Not like he was doing now, no, Suguru’s chops weren’t delicate and pristine but rough and careless.
After watching this odd display for a while Satoru reached his foot out, lightly pushing into Suguru’s back to grab his attention. Suguru’s motions paused but didn’t pay any attention to Satoru’s attempt at grabbing his attention, only shooting him a dirty look over his shoulder before resuming instead. Frowning Satoru did it again, a little rougher his time, watching as the others balance shifted a bit.
“Why are you being so dark and gloomy right now? Those carrots are innocent, you know? They were framed.”
“Stop messing around Satoru.”
The statement only concerned him more, Suguru had never said his name like that. Instead of the usual light, airy tone it sounded scolding, harsh. It made something in his chest sink. Banter was the one thing that was a constant in their lives, a way to say everything’s okay even when it’s not. He couldn’t remember a time Suguru didn’t quip back at him, no matter the injury or quarrel.
“Whatever,” Satoru jumped off the counter, strolling back to his room as he spoke over his shoulder. “Call me whenever it’s done.”
While Suguru finished cooking Satoru sprawled out on his bed, head hanging over the edge as he thought. He tried to remember at what point Suguru had started acting this way but couldn’t come up with anything. Maybe he’d been so wrapped up in the excitement of being around Suguru that he looked past him. There were probably a lot of signs leading up to this, Satoru realized, so many more moments that should’ve been concerning but he just wasn’t paying close enough attention.
Dinner was just as awkward as Satoru had been expecting it to be. Shoko sat with her head buried in her textbook, not even looking away to stab food on her fork and shove it in her mouth. He would’ve found the sight hilarious had he not been so focused on the fact Suguru’s fork wasn’t stabbing anything. Satoru spent his entire meal watching Suguru shove around the food on his plate, a strange look on his face he couldn’t decipher.
None of them had said a word to each other since sitting down, not surprising given the atmosphere before Satoru went to his room. What was surprising though was when Suguru stood up, still not having taken a bite of his food, and walked down the hall to his room. Shoko finally looked up from her textbook, giving Satoru a questioning glance which he only shrugged in response, shoving his own food around the plate.
After the food had gone cold Satoru stood up himself, following Suguru back to his room. Standing outside the door he didn’t even bother to knock before opening up the door. Greeted by pitch blackness he shut the door behind him, staring at Suguru curled up on his bed, back facing him. This sight right now, seeing Suguru lay motionless on his bed not even giving Satoru shit for barging into his room made something odd bloom in his chest.
“Go away Satoru.” That tone again, a punch in the gut compared to the softness he was used to.
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Satoru spoke as firmly as he could.
“Leave it.”
“No,” he softened his voice and then. “Tell me what’s wrong Sugu, please.”
A sigh and then a sniffle. Satoru watched silently as Suguru suppressed his cries, wanting nothing more than to rush forward and comfort him but scared to spook the man.
“It’s just so dark Satoru it’s all so- I can’t find meaning in any of the shit I see. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what i’m doing but it’s so shitty. all of it. I feel like a puppet, like I'm not a person anymore.” Suguru babbled for a while longer, letting everything off his chest even if half of it wasn’t making sense in his state. The words came out muffled and broken, barely comprehensible had Satoru not been listening so intently.
“Then turn on a light dummy.” Satoru laughed lightly, taking a cautious step toward the bed. In that moment Suguru wanted nothing more than to tackle Satoru to the ground and smother the idiot with a pillow but Satoru continued before he could. “You don’t have to know what direction you’re going in to get to a destination.”
A few more steps and Satoru kneeled down beside the bed, reaching out his hand to Suguru’s side, placing his head against his back. “You don’t have to walk blind Sugu, it’s okay to reach for somebody's hand to guide you even if they don’t know where they’re going either.”
Another sigh and the dam broke, Suguru cried in a way that made your chest ache, made you feel years worth of pains and burdens. Maybe that was just Satoru but either way he swallowed back his own tears, running his hand up and down Suguru’s back as he hiccuped between sobs.
It took awhile for Suguru to wear himself out, but once his cries had quieted and he’d calmed down to sniffles and deep breaths he chuckled. “You’re weirdly insightful when you’re not being an ass.”
“I know.” Satoru smiled widely, Suguru saying something that was so Suguru had relief flooding his chest. letting a moment of silence fall between the two before he spoke again. “I’m gonna hug you now.”
“noo Satoru go awayy.” Geto groaned his voice thick from tears, trying to move away. Satoru was quicker, getting in the bed and wrapping his arms tightly around Geto.
“don’t be so fussy, I'm trying to comfort you.” Satoru laughed, his breath fanning Suguru’s face.
Suguru smiled softly, his throat closing as he stared into Satoru’s eyes. Suddenly so overcome with a feeling he doubted he could ever put into words he hoped it showed in his eyes. It did, he realized as Satorus own soft smile spread over his face before he buried his face into Suguru’s chest.