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It was a sunny day. The Dokis decided that it was a good day for a mall day. They were at the food court, trying to decide what to do.
“Maybe we could hit Hot Topic? I wanna see what they got today.” Femc suggests.
“I see a Spencer’s over there, we could try that.” Natsuki points across the Food Court to the Spencer’s nearby.
“I don’t think that Spencer’s is the best place to go to.” Yuri chimes in nervously.
“Aw, man, why not?” Natsuki questions with a smirk.
“Because every time we go there, you drag us to the back of the store and give Sayori a crisis.” Monika deadpans, refusing to entertain the idea any further. “Let’s shoot for something we can all enjoy.”
Femc snaps her head over to Sayori, bearing a huge grin. “Lego store?” She asks excitedly. Sayori lights up at this.
“Lego store!” The two immediately run off, grinning like little children. The others try their best to catch up to them.
As they’re walking, Monika holds a small smile on her face. Sayo seems so happy..if only I could make her as happy as she is when she’s with FeMC... Her smile fades a bit. She and FeMC are pretty much perfect for each other..she doesn’t need me. She frowns a little but quickly perks back up when Natsuki calls for her to catch up. She feels a tickle at the back of her throat but doesn’t think much of it. She watches with a sad smile as FeMC and Sayori go around the stores together, nerding out whenever they spot merchandise from their shared interests.
Later that day, they’ve all gone home and Monika is lying in her bed. She stares up at the ceiling, recounting the events of the day with a fond smile. She remembers the smile on Sayori’s face and keeps that image in her head for a little. Of course, her thoughts get in the way.
She wasn’t smiling because of you. FeMC made her happier than you ever could. Monika frowned, feeling a lump in her throat. The lump quickly turns into a stinging, and she rushes to the bathroom to cough her feelings out. Literally. Next thing she knows, there’s blood all over the floor. There’s also…cherry blossoms? What? I didn’t even see any cherry blossoms today..
Concerned, Monika opens up her laptop and googles her symptoms. She clicks on an article made by “Aljazeera Medical Center.” Immediately, she’s greeted by a Gacha image that looks like it came straight from a Gacha Cringe Compilation. There’s no way this is a legit medical center. Despite this, she reads on.
After about an hour of research, Monika reaches a conclusion. She’s suffering from the fictional disease known as Hanahaki . The disease is known for making the victim cough up flowers and blood and is usually caused by unrequited love. The longer it goes untreated, the worse it gets and eventually kills. She digs a little further and finds that the type of flower usually corresponds to the object of the victim’s one-sided affection. Cherry blossoms...Sayori’s favorite. She realizes this with a grim expression on her face. She sighs, already accepting her fate and going off to sleep.
A few days later, Monika drags herself out of bed and checks her phone. Natsuki texted the group chat suggesting a hangout at her place. She groggily types out a response that’s enthusiastic enough and starts getting ready for the day.
Truth be told, Monika’s not at all bitter toward FeMC. She still views her as a close friend. Monika might be the jealous type, but she would never let it get in the way of her important friendships. That said, she’s not going to let her one-sided feelings get in the way of her friendship with Sayori. She’s made it her mission to bottle up her feelings until she physically cannot anymore. Which probably won’t take long, considering I’m literally dying… She sighs, opening her front door and heading to Natsuki’s house.
“Alright, people! Let’s get this started! Game of Life!” Natsuki announces, holding up Game Of Life. Sayori and FeMC respond enthusiastically, Yuri smiles softly, and Monika doesn’t respond at all. She’s completely spaced out, thinking about her current condition. I wonder how long I can keep this up…
“Monika!” She quickly snaps back to reality, looking up to see everybody staring at her in concern. Meanwhile, Natsuki is waving her hand in her face. “Jeez, Monika. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you space out that hard before. You alright?” Monika pauses for a moment before replying.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just…I’m just thinking.” Her eyes land on Sayori’s concerned expression, and she feels a tickle in her throat again. “I think...I need to go to the bathroom.” She quickly gets up and navigates to the nearest bathroom. She locks the door behind her and immediately falls to her knees. She clutches the toilet and throws up flowers, dandelions this time. She mentally curses when she remembers that Sayori always loved dandelions. She thinks that they’re beautiful, but she always gets sad when they get hated for being weeds. She continues coughing out flowers before hearing a knock on the bathroom door.
“Monika?” Natsuki’s concerned voice immediately motivates Monika to force her throat closed and choke out a weak response.
“Y-Yeah?” She hears Natsuki attempt to open the door, before calling out to her again.
“Monika, let me in.” Monika hesitates, staying on the floor. “Monika. Let me in. We’re worried about you, especially Sayori.” At the mention of her name, Monika uncontrollably throws up more flowers.
“I-I’m fine! It’s all good.” Her voice is strained from all the coughing, and Natsuki definitely heard.
“Monika, I just heard you throw up. Let me in.” Monika reluctantly gets up, unlocking the door. Immediately, Natsuki comes in and sees all the blood.
“Holy shit. Monika, what happened?” Monika falls to her knees again, and Natsuki tries her best to support her.
“I don’t think you would believe me.” She weakly responds, holding a hand over her mouth.
“Just tell me what’s happening. You’re kinda using my toilet to throw up, so I feel like I should know.” Natsuki puts a hand on Monika’s back, trying to reassure her. Monika pauses for a moment, trying to find her words.
“I..I have hanahaki disease.” She chokes out.
“The flower thing? Isn’t that fictional?” Natsuki expresses her doubts, but immediately regrets it when she sees Monika cough out more marigolds. “Holy shit.”
Monika gives a solemn nod. “Promise you won’t tell the others?”
“Are you sure? This feels like something they should know..” She trails off when she sees Monika’s pleading expression. “..alright. I won’t tell them.”
They sit there, Natsuki silently helping Monika get the flowers out of her system before they return to the living room. They nonchalantly continue playing board games before returning home.
After that, Monika and Natsuki talk to each other about the former’s worsening condition. They call each other often, trying to figure out solutions to the problem.
“Well, you’ve gotta confess!”
“Why would I do that? It’ll only go away if they return my feelings, which they don’t.”
“How do you know that? That’s what I thought with Yuri, but look at us now.”
“There’s just no way. They’re really close with someone else, I coughed up flowers earlier just thinking about it.”
“What’d you cough up this time?”
“Forget-me-nots. They’re really pretty when they’re not covered in blood.”
“Aren’t those the blue ones? Their color kinda reminds me of Say- oh my god you like Sayori.”
“Natsuki!”
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Stop talking.”
“She likes you back for sure.”
“There’s no way. Pretty sure she likes FeMC.”
“Seriously? Their relationship is completely platonic, they’re just nerds.”
“Maybe, but even then, Sayori probably doesn’t love me back.”
“I’ve read stories like this where there’s a surgery that removes the flowers but also removes your feelings for the person. Maybe there’s something like that?”
“No way. I love Sayori, even if it hurts to love her. Loving her is torture, but she’s the torture that I wouldn’t trade for anything.”
“That’s..poetic. No wonder you’re the president of the literature club.”
“I guess so. I have to go, I’ll call you later.”
“..alright, Monika. See ya.”
“Bye.”
Monika sighs as she hangs up. I need to stop telling her things. She feels a tickle in the back of her throat and makes her way to the bathroom, more annoyed than anything. She starts coughing up more forget-me-nots. Ugh…forget-me-not? More like forget me now…Sayori would be way better off without me. More flowers. More blood. I really am a lost cause.
Several weeks pass. They’re all hanging out at Monika’s house, and Monika’s lost in thought once again. “Hey, Monika?” She looks up to see Sayori looking at her with a questioning look.
“What’s up?” She asks, holding a smile on her face.
“Why do you have so much cough medicine? Are you sick or something?” Monika freezes. She looks over to Natsuki, who looks just as panicked as her.
“Uh…I guess I had to tell you guys eventually.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “I suffer from a fictional disease known as Hanahaki. I’m sure you all know what it is. And before you say that you don’t believe me, Natsuki saw it for herself.” Everyone looks over at Natsuki, who gives a solemn nod.
“Well, you’ve gotta confess! If that’s the reason why you’ve been going to the bathroom a bunch, it must be getting really bad!” Sayori gently grabs Monika’s shoulders. The latter looks to the side.
“I…I don’t think that I can do that. Actually, you guys should probably get going, it’s late.” It took everything in Monika to maintain her composure. The four girls reluctantly left, giving solemn farewells and “get better soon” wishes as they parted.
Once she knows that everyone’s gone, Monika rushes to the bathroom and throws up an abundance of flowers. What am I to do…
Weeks pass. Monika’s slowly fading, and Natsuki knows this. She can’t stand to watch her friend slowly die without being able to do anything. Wait. I am able to do something. But would she want me to…? Fuck it, she’ll be mad at me but at least she’ll be alive to be mad.
Getting up from the couch, where she does most of her critical thinking, Natsuki leaves her house and walks over to Sayori’s. Gathering her courage, she knocks on the door. After a few moments, the door opens.
“Oh, hi Nats! What’s up?” Sayori asks with a cheerful smile on her face, which soon falls when she sees how concerned Natsuki is. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, it’s about Monika.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “You know how she’s got Hanahaki and all that? And you know how the disease comes from one-sided feelings and whatnot? Well, the person she has feelings for…god it’s hard to say this… the person she has feelings for is you. And the reason why I’m telling you this is because she’s getting worse by the day, and I think this is the only way we can help her.”
The two stand there for a moment. Sayori’s eyes are wide, and Natsuki is averting her gaze. “Well, we have to go now! We can’t let her get worse! I can’t believe I never realized she loved me back..” Sayori grabs Natsuki’s wrist and they run off to Monika’s house.
After a minute or two, they arrive. Sayori knocks on the door. “Moni? Monika? Open up, it’s me and Nats!” No response. They knock again. And again.
“Alright, I’m getting impatient. Let’s just go in.” Natsuki opens the door, leading Sayori up to Monika’s room.
“Monika, we’re coming in!” Sayori shouts before pretty much kicking the door down. Her eyes widen. Oh my god…
The sight that lay before her was horrifying. Blood. So much blood. And flowers. Those are my favorite flowers. And at the center of it all…was Monika’s lifeless body.
Sayori put her hand up to her mouth, trying not to vomit. She can hear Natsuki’s ragged breathing behind her as she walks towards the scene, grabbing something that Sayori didn’t even notice was there.
“It’s a note. It’s addressed to you, Sayo.” Natsuki hands the folded-up piece of paper to her. She opens it up and silently reads it.
“ To Sayori: I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t last longer. I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make you feel better. I’m sorry that I worried you and the others. I’m sorry that any of this ever happened. I’m sorry for ever thinking I could be good enough for you. I love you so much. I don’t think I could ever love something more. I’ll bring my love for you to my grave, but I don’t think it’ll ever be able to leave my tomb and reach your heart. And for that, I’m sorry. Love, Monika. ”
Natsuki muttered something under her breath, but Sayori didn’t hear. She dropped the note, letting it flutter to the ground. She stood there for a moment before dropping to her knees and absolutely shattering. She let out a scream of despair, which was followed by sobs and hiccups. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I should’ve told her. I should have come sooner. She was curled up into a ball on the ground, not ever wanting to leave Monika’s bloodied side.
In the background, she heard Natsuki call an ambulance, and then call Yuri and FeMC. She didn’t bother to listen in on the conversations. She was only focused on Monika. She stayed by her side for what felt like an eternity before getting gently pulled away by FeMC. Monika…I’m so sorry…
A month passes. Everyone is absolutely destroyed. There hasn’t been a club meeting since Monika left. Yuri has been reading up on all of Monika’s favorite authors and poets. FeMC has been working on the funeral nonstop. Natsuki has been acting even colder to everyone except for her fellow club members. But Sayori got hit the worst. She locked herself in her house and refused to come out for the whole month. She didn’t respond to texts or calls. Every day, the only time she would leave her house was to go to the special part of the park where she would always meet Monika. She would go at the exact time that she and Monika always planned. She was never late. She’d stay there for hours at a time, silently hoping that Monika was just running late and that she’d meet her there any second. But every day, nobody came.
This is the day everybody was dreading. Monika’s funeral. On one hand, they wanted to honor their friend in the best way possible. But on the other hand, attending this event meant accepting the fact that she was gone. None of them were ready for that.
Everybody was here. They gathered around, not knowing what to say. “…your new bow looks good, Sayo,” Natsuki mutters, breaking the silence.
“Oh, thanks. I got the inspiration from Monika.” Saying her name was painful. After her passing, Sayori went out and bought a white bow for her hair, replacing her signature red one. It reminded her of Monika’s ribbon. She couldn’t bring herself to wear Monika’s actual bow on her head, instead opting to put it on her school uniform.
“Sayori, it’s time for the eulogy,” FeMC says. Sayori nods, going up to the podium. She takes a deep breath before beginning.
“Monika, you were an amazing friend. I can only imagine that you were an even better girlfriend. I really wish I could have had the chance to hold your hand without being met with cold, lifeless skin. In your note to me, you said the words ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again, but you have nothing to apologize for. I love you more than anything. I fear that now that you’re gone, I might never have the chance to love again. I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for you. I wish I could have told you that I love you. I don’t think anything will ever feel happy again, simply because you made me so happy that everything else seems so little in comparison. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with. None of us would be here together without you. If you’re up there, listening, please know that you made such an impact. All of us have grown so much ever since you created the club and brought us all together. Remember how at the beginning of the club, Yuri and Natsuki argued nonstop? Look at them now! They kissed on the way in here, haha. I wish I could have kissed you, or at the very least, hugged you. I hope you like my new bow, I spent a whole month looking for it. I’m..running out of things to say. Usually, you guide the conversation, and we talk for hours. But we can’t…do that anymore…” Sayori took a deep breath, trying not to tear up again. She smiles a little before finishing.
“Anyways, I love you so much, Monika. Whenever I see my favorite flowers, I’ll think of you.” There’s soft applause as Sayori exits the podium.
“That was great, Sayori!” Natsuki smiles at her as she regroups with everyone. She’s being uncharacteristically happy, especially in comparison to the past month. Deep down, she was trying her hardest not to cry from Sayori’s speech, but she wanted to keep the mood uplifting.
“Thanks.” Sayori gives a weak smile before frowning again. “I have to go to the bathroom.” She says, quickly making her way over to the bathroom and locking the door. As she sinks to the floor, she lets out all of her bottled-up emotions. She’s almost crying as hard as she did on the day that she lost Monika. As she chokes on her tears, she chokes out something else as well. She watches with wide eyes as something falls to the ground. A single green petal. Oh, Monika…