Work Text:
Clap
Appearing out of nothing, Chen Xiao dropped to the ground and screamed.
“Cheng Xiaoshi!” A voice called out in the distance. Another person, looking for their family. He didn’t have time to help them, his mother needed to get somewhere safe. If he didn’t help her she was going to… Choking on a sob, Chen Xiao curled in on himself, grabbed his hair and wailed. It was so dark, and he was all alone. Or so he thought, before he felt warm hands gently taking hold of his own, loosening his fingers from his hair and pulling his hands to someone's chest. Whose chest? Chen Xiao whipped his head up towards the stranger, grabbing their shirt and pulling them closer, tears running down his face.
“Please! You have to help her!” He begged, gesturing to the rubble behind him. The moonlight cascaded over the stranger's face, creating an angelic glow around him. It’s as if a guardian angel had graced him with his presence, but he wasn’t the one who needed it. His mother was.
“Cheng Xiaoshi.” The stranger said, mouth downturned in concern.
“Please- My mom-”
“Cheng Xiaoshi, she’s not your mom,” The man interrupted, pulling Chen Xiao closer to him. “You’re back in the present, Cheng Xiaoshi. The earthquake is over,” The man soothed, rubbing his hand gently up and down Chen’s back.
“Cheng Xiao–who?” Chen[g] Xiao[shi] whispered, memories of the quake flooding his mind and mixing in with the present. Cold shrapnel and hard stone flickered to warm hands and soft furniture briefly, before he was back in the dilapidated remains of his home.
“Cheng Xiaoshi. Your name is Cheng Xiaoshi, it’s 10 o’clock, and you’re in the room you share with me,” The man insisted, low voice permeating the panic and calming his nerves.
“I’m… My name is Cheng Xiaoshi… It’s dark… The rubble…” He hesitated, flickering once more between the quake and a room he barely recognized. The white haired man reached to the side without letting go of him and pressed a button on a small remote, lighting the room in a soft golden glow. The earthquake's destruction fizzled out and Cheng Xiaoshi was finally able to breathe.
“You’re home. Come back to me.” Lu Guang whispered, pulling Cheng Xiaoshi back into an embrace, running his fingers through dark locks of hair in a hypnotizing manner.
“Lu… Guang…” Cheng Xiaoshi breathed, returning the embrace in full and slumping into the arms of his roommate. “I couldn’t save them,” He cried, body shaking violently from the adrenaline of the disaster wearing off.
“You weren’t meant to. You know the rules, Cheng Xiaoshi,” Lu Guang started softly.
“If I had been quicker- If I had warned her properly-”
“-We must leave the past as it was. There was nothing you could do,” Lu Guangs voice shook. He had never seen Cheng Xiaoshi in such a state of distress.
“Wasn’t there? There had to have been something-” Cheng Xiaoshi stood up shakily, making his way over to his laptop and typing in the date of the incident. He clicked on the “Images” button and selected one of the photos. Lu Guang stepped around him and slammed the laptop shut before he could dive, turning to face his friend.
“You know you can’t change a critical node. Especially not a death node. More people could have gotten hurt if you had saved her,” Lu Guang pressed, taking hold of Cheng Xiaoshi’s wrists and walking him backwards to the couch.
“But mom would be alive,” Chen[g] Xiao[shi] insisted.
“She’s not your mom,” Lu Guang reminded him, sitting them both down and taking Cheng Xiaoshi’s face in his hands.
“Maybe I should have spared her the worry, then,” Cheng Xiaoshi lamented, tears welling in his eyes once more. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her about the earthquake to begin with, and just let her live her last moments in peace.” The tears escaped once more, dripping down his face, only to be wiped away swiftly by a soft caress.
“You were just trying to help,” Lu Guang placated, “You got caught up in it.”
“I shouldn’t have,” Cheng Xiaoshi started, mind spiraling as he plunged himself deeper and deeper into guilt and ‘what-if’s. “Chen Xiao will have to live with my actions forever. He’ll have to live with me fighting with Cap’ and his sister. He’ll have to live with me stressing out my-” He paused. “ His mom.” A deep inhale. “He’ll have to live with my fuck-ups,” He concluded in a somber tone, eyes cast askance for fear of witnessing judgement in baby blue eyes.
“As if you don’t have to?” Hands left Cheng Xiaoshis face in favor of pulling him to lay on top of Lu Guang on the couch. Lu Guangs lips met the top of Cheng Xiaoshi’s head as he whispered into his hair, “We all have to live with this, Cheng Xiaoshi. You got Chen Xiao’s messages across and that’s more than anyone could ever ask for. You were brave enough to witness tragedy first hand and kind enough to try and save who you could knowing that you couldn’t change the outcome.” Lu Guang heaved a loud sigh, silence filling the air as he hesitated around his next words. “If anyone should feel regret from this, it’s me. I let you do this. I let you experience horrible things, and seeing you now, I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself.” Cheng Xiaoshi heard Lu Guang sniffle, felt his chest stutter with shaky breaths as the man underneath him fought to keep composure. “But,” Lu Guang continued after a long pause, “Just like the rules of our work, the past cannot be changed. Time must move forward and so must we.”
Cheng Xiaoshi lifted his head, looking up at Lu Guang in awe. How he remained so strong and collected, even in the face of something so grievous and scary, was incredible to Cheng Xiaoshi. Pushing himself up to hover over Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi smiled wetly, a stray tear falling and landing on Lu Guangs face before sliding down and disappearing onto the fabric of the couch. Vulnerable blue eyes met determined gold ones, and a connection bloomed between the men, one unlike anything they had ever experienced before. After today, they knew each other more deeply, more personally than they ever had before, and soon there would be nothing that could tear them apart.
“If the past cannot be changed,” Cheng Xiaoshi stated, determination strengthening his voice, “Then the most we can do is ensure a brighter future.”
“In that case,” Lu Guang smiled, eyes soft and searching as he reached up and pulled Cheng Xiaoshi close enough that they could taste each other's breath, “We’ll ensure that future together. I’ve got you.” He whispered against soft lips.