Work Text:
"If I'm your husband, I'd long considered a prenup," said Akashi, his eyes settled on Kuroko and Kise that were lazying on the sofa. He was sitting at the adjacent one-person couch while tasting the Earl Grey tea Kise brought back a few months ago.
"Akashicchi, that's cruel," retorted Kise, crocodile tears creeping out of the edge of his eyes. He gripped Kuroko's hand tight.
"Well, it would be better if you could discuss this with me first, Kise-kun." Kuroko glanced at Kise's face one more time, sighing, and then moved his gaze to Kise's stomach which was hidden beneath the strap of pregnancy-bump kit. "And how long will this 'stick' to you?"
Kise bit his lower lip. He even had the grace to look embarassed now. "Two weeks."
Kuroko and Akashi, simultaneously, facepalmed, and Kise only let out a guilty chuckle.
"Can you explain to me what this programme is all about?" inquired Akashi, putting his tea back on the table.
"Sure. It's for the Ladies' Day event that is going on at the company, and my manager selected five models to wear this for the entire two weeks. We won't have any photoshoots for the time being, but we were tasked with a VJ each to record a video of our everyday lives," explained Kise meticulously.
"So that's why this… person is here, recording us since the time you were home?" Kuroko pointed to the stranger holding a video camera in his hand, sitting at a corner of the room, and also a cup of tea in his arm's reach.
Kise nodded with a smile. "His name is Takeru."
"If I may ask," interrupted Akashi, "are the other four models men too?"
The blond nodded again.
"This does sound like a good way to earn supporters and fans, but I suppose the other models are still single?" asked Akashi further.
This time, Kise nodded while looking like a kicked puppy. "Kurokocchi, I'm sorry…"
"It's okay." Kuroko patted Kise's hair gently. "You always rush on things when it comes to doing good deeds before thinking about the consequences."
It was supposed to compliment Kise but somehow he didn’t feel like he's being praised, and the words stabbed his heart mentally.
"Although I can't say that I hate those things about you," and Kuroko gave Kise's cheek a light peck, and after that a soft smile, making Kise fawned over the smaller man.
===========
It was 12 in the afternoon when Kise woke up from his beauty nap at the couch. He looked around, sensing that Kuroko was no longer in the house and had already went to work hours ago. He yawned and lifted himself up from the couch carefully, suddenly feeling very tired because of the weight at his stomach.
I am a former basketball star. I can do this, he thought, convincing himself that he's strong enough for this challenge. The VJ didn't come today because of some personal matters, and had handed Kise the camera to record himself for the time being. Kise, meanwhile, only put the camera at where it would see the whole apartment from one place because he's busy enough with the 'baby' at his stomach, he didn’t need another 'baby' in his hand.
Kise walked to the kitchen to get himself a glass of milk, in which later he found himself waddling like a pregnant mother, and he chuckled at the thought. He's too tired to think of walking elegantly to the kitchen.
After finished quenching his thirst, he went to pick up the used clothes and the laundry basket. The laundry room was downstairs, and he sighed. Walking downstairs was considered a chore now that his weight was no more 77kg. With cautious steps, he held the huge laundry basket, tucked it underneath his right arm, and went to get the camera.
Unfortunately, with the laundry basket expanding his blind spot, he didn’t see the slight upward dent from the rug below. Kise was astonished when he suddenly crashed on the ground, rib first (because face is too precious), and the laundry basket flew to God knows where. He whined at the pain.
"Kurokocchi…" whimpered Kise. He stayed on the ground for fifteen seconds before he rose back up and went to pick his phone, calling Kuroko.
"Kurokocchi, help…"
Kuroko nearly lose his grasp on the chalk he was holding, and he walked outside of the classroom for a while to avoid the children's noise. "Kise-kun, are you okay?" asked Kuroko, concerned with Kise's sad tone.
"I fell…" cried Kise again, sniffing and wiping his tears away. The pain was throbbing at his muscled ribs.
"Okay, don’t do anything for now. Go lie down on the bed. I'm coming home," said Kuroko while he packed up his things in the classroom, making the chaotic classroom silent. The children's eyes watched his every movement and one of them asked, "Koko-sensei, where are you going?"
"I need to be somewhere. A teacher will come in later to keep an eye on you, so please behave until then." Kuroko hurried to his car while calling the office to confirm his leave.
When he arrived at home, he saw the splattered clothes with a laundry basket sitting weirdly on the table at the living room, and he believed that was the crime scene. He went to the bedroom and saw Kise lying down with wet cheeks and eyelashes. After the blond spotted his husband at the bedroom door, he whined again, "Kurokocchi…"
Kuroko dashed onto the bed and hugged Kise instantly, calming him down, and even stole a glance at the bruised ankle. "How did you fell, Kise-kun?"
A shook of Kise's head answered Kuroko's question. "I don’t know…"
Kuroko sighed. He gently caressed Kise's head at his chest, and spoke, "next time I'll be at home so you don't have to injure yourself doing house chores."
Kise lifted his head and looked at Kuroko straight in the eyes, and was replied with a soft smile from Kuroko's calm pupils. He buried his head on Kuroko's chest back.
"I love you, Kurokocchi," said Kise.
"I know."
===========
"Yo, Kise! How are you doing?" asked Kurama, Kise's fellow model who also underwent the same tortur-- I mean programme.
"Pretty good. It's really exhausting being pregnant," replied Kise in almost the same cheerful manner.
"Yeah, talk about it. The other day I tripped on my own clothes on the floor, thank God I fell on the bed. Who knows if I stumble upon something sharp on the ground? That would kill me…"
"Aww poor you. Don't you have someone to take care of you?"
"My girlfriend's at Okinawa, having a vacation with her friends," retorted Kurama, with a sliver of disappointment in his voice . "Lucky you, Kise. You have your husband to take care of you."
Kise giggled. Indeed, he is very lucky to have Kuroko. "So get married quick, Kuramacchi."
"Screw you. I don’t mean that, stupid," replied Kurama while bashfully avoiding marriage topic, and Kise laughed. At the corner of his eyes, he watched Kuroko picking up the scattered books and tidying up the room. He wanted to help Kuroko but his help was always being denied, with Kuroko saying he didn’t want Kise to be slipping on nothing and bruise his ribs again. All he was allowed to do was watch Netflix on the couch and cook meals for the both of them everyday, and had even got into a long and intense discussion with Kuroko for the latter part.
"Well then, see ya Kise. I've got to go to the convenience store for dinner," said Kurama, ending their conversation.
"Don't eat too much ramen. It's not good for the baby, Kuramacchi," joked Kise.
"Again, screw you, Kise."
"Only Kurokocchi is allowed to screw me."
"Oh God, stop…" Kurama pinched his forehead, unable to take all of Kise's joke at once.
===========
"Kise-kun."
Kise that was busy reading a newspaper on the couch suddenly was called by Kuroko, and the blue-haired man settled himself beside his partner.
"We need to talk."
There's just a power to that sentence that made every human being on Earth gulped everytime it's said, and Kise was no exception. He folded the newspaper and put it on the empty seat beside him, and focused his attention to Kuroko. "What is it, Kurokocchi?"
Kuroko seemed a little bit concerned while staring at Kise, and it got the blond worried.
"Tomorrow I will be going on a field trip to Osaka," said Kuroko with regret embedded in his tone. "It will be a three-day trip, but don’t worry, I've contacted Akashi-kun to look after you. So if you need anything, just call him, okay?" Kuroko connected his hands with Kise's and patted it lightly, and after that kissed it lovingly.
"Kurokocchi, can you bring me back some souvenirs from Osaka?" requested Kise with a smile, although he's incredibly sad that Kuroko was going to leave him for the next three days.
"Of course, just say it. I'll give you anything."
"Anything you bring back to me is good enough, Kurokocchi." Kise leaned forward and rested his head on Kuroko's shoulder. "I just want you to be safe."
Kuroko smiled, and leaned his head against Kise's, enjoying the warmth with his husband while he was still here because God knows he will totally miss it when he goes to the trip tomorrow.
==============
One thing about Akashi: He was surely one busy businessman. And Kise learnt this the hard way. Of course Akashi never failed to give him the proper care he needs, but he was never home, like never. And everytime Kise tried to call Akashi, it either went to his soft-voiced secretary, or to his best friend, the voicemail.
Kise sometimes wondered how Kuroko even reached out to Akashi, since, surprisingly, the two of them were best friends since they finished college. It was later that he was informed by Kuroko, Akashi has his own friend's calling time, in which made Kise twisted his face in a weird way. This was considered ridiculous, unlike Kise that declared his friends were free to call him all the time; In this case none of them did except Kuroko, and that was mostly because of the laundry he never did right.
Kise punched Akashi's numbers in for the umpteenth time. He got through the secretary the last four times, this time Akashi might be alarmed. He never bothered to hear the voicemail's lady to the very end since it's an assured unreplied call.
In truth, he just needed Akashi to take him to the pharmacy for some medicine resupplies, and also some feet lotion since his feet was hurting and cracking because of the weight for the last seven days of pregnancy. He heard ringing at the speaker, and his heart was wishing that his secretary can actually connect him to the boss named Akashi.
You have reached the voicemail system.
A hard facepalm came in contact with his face. Kise tried to calm his fiery heart down, holding himself from throwing a tantrum like a girl on PMS. He silently listened to the lady's voice in the message, because it's better than Akashi's cold tone, and at least the girl tried to sound friendly.
To leave a message, just wait for the tone.
"I know how to leave a goddamn message you jerk…" mumbled Kise under his breath, feeling impatient.
When you're finished recording, just hang up, or press # for more options. For delivery options, press 5. To leave a callback number, press 8. To page this person, press 6.
"Give me the motherfuckin beep…" Kise pinched the bridge of his nose.
To repeat this message, press 9.
"I am gonna kill you," warned Kise to the computer lady. His shoulders slumped down, given up on how to reach out to Akashi.
To mark this message as urgent, press 11.
"There is no 11, you fucking whore!"
To hear this message in Spanish, press 2.
"Oh my God, I'm gonna kill myself…" said Kise. He had totally given up on Akashi, the technology, and the humanity itself.
BEEP!
"Finally!" Kise rubbed his face that has crinkled out of anger, and quickly formed a sentence for the message to Akashi. "Akashicchi, it's Kise--"
I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full.
After being rendered speechless for three seconds, Kise put his phone back on the table, trying hard not to bite it off to pieces in the process.
==================
"Kurokocchi…" cried Kise as soon as he heard Kuroko picking up the phone at the other end.
"What is it, Kise-kun?"
"Akashicchi's being mean to me…"
"Oh that," and Kuroko chuckled. "You know Akashi-kun never really liked you."
"But still," Kise sniffed. "I'm lonely."
"I'll be back tomorrow, Kise-kun," said Kuroko with a smile. "Until then, please hang on."
Kise 'hmm'ed, letting Kuroko talk for the night, because he missed his husband so much. Screw pregnancy hormones, he felt lovesick with Kuroko even when he's not a real pregnant female. There's just something about pregnancy that made him feel vulnerable and wanted to be protected.
"Kurokocchi, I love you…"
"Yes, I love you too."
"Come back tonight?"
Kuroko chuckled, deep in his throat, and Kise loved it so much.
"Go to sleep, Kise-kun. I'll be at home around 10 AM."
Kise mumbled something, childishly, and protesting the idea. He's yearning for more sweet nothings from his husband, and Kuroko proceed to feed Kise's request for the rest of the night, because he was also missing the blond too.
=================
"I seriously don't understand what you're trying to do here, Kise," said Kagami as soon as he saw Kise on the bench nearby the outdoor basketball court, with hands connected to Kuroko. "I mean… Just what are you trying to do?"
"It's called appreciating the Ladies' Day, Kagamicchi," pouted Kise.
"And how are you supposed to play basketball like this?"
"I can shoot three-pointers."
"In two-on-two?"
"Kurokocchi's here to help me."
"As if he can dribble past me."
"We'll see, Kagami-kun," disrupted Kuroko. His eyes filled with determination and revenge towards Kagami's comment on his basketball skills just now. Suddenly Kagami thought it was a bad idea to rouse Kuroko's anger before the game started.
"Yo~" yelled Aomine from afar, and he ran from the corner to the court just to meet up with his friends. "Long time no s--What the fuck, Kise?"
Kuroko sighed, and Kise whined. "What's up with you people? Is it that strange seeing a pregnant man… I mean person?"
"Since you're a man, I'd say it is fucking weird," replied Aomine, eyes still on Kise's bulged stomach. "Woah, does it move?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Aomine-kun," stated Kuroko and he slapped away Aomine's hand that was poking at Kise's stomach.
"Ow, what was that for?!"
"Don't poke my baby."
"It's not a real baby!"
"It's still my baby."
Kise laughed at Kuroko's protectiveness, and Kagami only facepalmed. "Seriously, one of you need to take up a vagina and give this man a baby, or he'll be a delusional father for the rest of your life," uttered Kagami.
"There is a research going on about male pregnancy, but it's still on testing grounds," countered Kise.
"No, Kise-kun," retorted the phantom.
"What? Why?"
"If we want to have a baby, I'll be the one impregnating it, and not you," affirmed Kuroko to Kise.
"Why? Did I make a bad mother?" Kise started weeping.
"No. I know you love modeling, so I don't want our dream of having a family destroy your body. Besides, I could do some heavy liftings myself too, with the baby on my body, and maybe I could build some stamina during the whole nine months. You can just do your job peacefully, and be a good father when you get home."
Kise knew he loved Kuroko, but he never knew he could love the pale man more than he could now. The blond hugged Kuroko, feeling his love drowning him internally; suffocating but yet pleasant.
"Oh my God, fucking sappy, be right back I'm gonna throw up." Aomine turned to his back and faked a puke while Kagami was feeling awkward at Kise's public affection display. It was as if the married basketball couple was emanating a lovesick aura to a radius of 50 meters, and oddly enough, Kuroko wasn’t freaked out by it, but of course, he was married to that lovesick puppy so he must have bode well with Kise's antics, or Kuroko's simply broken.
"Seriously, you two, get a bush and make out. I'll go play with this idiot while you two are at it," said Aomine and his hand yanked Kagami's back shirt, dragging him to the court.
==============
Kuroko watched the TV silently, waiting for Kise to come from the kitchen and bring him his favourite vanilla shake. Kise was no longer banned from doing housework now his two-weeks period had ended. The TV suddenly showed the Ladies' Day programme, where Kise and his friends had participated. It was very funny seeing each person's reaction on being pregnant, and also very heartfelt too. Their insights had somehow changed at how hard mothers had endured just to bring another person into this world. Kuroko wiped at the tear that leaked his eye. Suddenly he missed his mother so much.
"Kurokocchi?"
Kise was baffled seeing Kuroko cry when he was back from the kitchen, and he was worried at what had affected his partner. He quickly threw a hug to Kuroko, asking him at what was making him shed tears.
"It's nothing, Kise-kun," said Kuroko as he replied Kise's hug, and wiped his tears at Kise's shirt.
"If it's nothing then why are you crying?" Kise looked down on Kuroko that was leaning his head on Kise's chest.
"Suddenly I want a baby."
If this was a comic, everybody could see Kise turned into a stone for a moment. Kuroko looked up, trying to find Kise's eyes because he could feel Kise stiffened. "Sorry, that was rather shocking."
"Not really," said Kise after he had turned back into a human, and he hugged Kuroko closer. "You want to do surrogacy?"
"I don't really want to share you with others but if that's the only way…" Kuroko gloomed for a second, and Kise just can't stop admiring at how cute Kuroko was.
"How about the womb installation like Kagamicchi said?"
Kuroko's eyes lit up. Seems like he agreed.
Omake
"Look, when I said for one of you to get a vagina, I don't mean for you to take it seriously," sighed Kagami.
"But Kagamicchi, look! Now Kurokocchi is pregnant!" beamed Kise, almost as though he could light up the dimly-lit park with just his grin. Kuroko, on the other hand, only smiled at Kise and kept looking at his stomach that was now filled with a sprout of life; His proof of love to Kise.
"What?! You mean as soon as Kuroko got it, you two did it?!" yelled Kagami, and Kuroko was sure it was heard by other residence at the park.
"Something wrong with that?" asked Kise.
"Kagami-kun, I would appreciate it if you did not inform the whole city about our sex life."
"No, I don’t mean…" And Kagami facepalmed. There's just no words could ever describe the way he's feeling right now. It's all hectic. "How about Akashi?"
"He said he wanted to be the godfather of the child, and kept threatening Kise-kun with stuff like If I heard about anymore stupid things like this again I'm gonna skin you alive," answered Kuroko calmly, and he sipped his vanilla shake.
"Oh good, Akashi had done it so I don’t have to do it."
"Hey!"
"How about Aomine?"
Kuroko looked at Kagami for a second before replying, "he said he'd be happy to take care of the baby for a while if we decided to have another baby."
Definitely Aomine. Kagami knew, he couldn’t rely on anyone else for this matter, so he stepped up to take the job for real.
"Anyway, if you two ever need a hand on cooking meals, I'm here to help. You know pregnant people have weird fetishes."
Kise and Kuroko looked at each other and smiled. The growing infant in Kuroko's belly will have a hard time choosing people to be his or her godfather.