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Lucy was happy that at least the day ended on a positive note. She had finally gotten to take her Ritalin, and although it hadn’t fully taken effect, she already felt more pulled together. It also didn’t hurt that she got a break to come outside and celebrate Carol’s pregnancy with all her coworkers.
Now, though, she was ready to go home and get away from Carter for a while. But even though she was mad at him, she still couldn’t keep her eyes away from him. He too looked happy and carefree even when just hours earlier, he looked exasperated with her and was mocking her for misplacing her computer.
I’m supposed to still be mad at him, she told herself, hoping that would help her ignore just how charming he could be. He’s the one who caused me to feel like crap and completely scatterbrained today. Maybe if I just turn away and start heading home, I’ll want to stomp off again. Yeah, that’s it.
She waited until Carter was distracted to say congratulations to Carol one more time and wish everyone a good night, and then she decided she actually wasn’t ready to go home just yet and walked across the street to Doc Magoo’s. Just when she was about to open the door, she heard a familiar voice calling for her. Carter was running to catch up, so she reluctantly decided to wait for him. I guess I’ll hear him out.
“I’m kind of hungry,” Lucy said. “You hoping to get something to eat too?”
“Not really. Just wanted to grab a soda, although a light snack doesn’t sound like a bad idea now that you mention it. Care to join me?”
She sighed. Damn, he’s good. “Sure.”
They grabbed a booth, both taking another quick look to make sure no one else from the hospital was walking in.
“I had to go back on the Ritalin,” she told him, trying to get right to the chase. “You know, I still kind of hate you for trying to tell me I shouldn’t be taking it. I told you it was working for me and you kept pushing back as if you knew everything about me. I’ve worked with you for a little under a year, but that doesn’t mean you know what it’s been like for me to live with ADD, especially in medical school. If it hadn’t been for my medication, I would have dropped out. So I’m not going to throw all my progress away just because you got too nosy.”
“You’re right,” Carter said. “Mark came down on me pretty hard before. He was kind of a teacher to me when I was in med school, and he called me out on how I hadn’t been doing a very good job of helping you learn. Of course, we remember that he had to get involved when you and I had the spat over your evaluation, so needless to say, he wasn’t happy to see your performance today. That said, he really didn’t put a lot of blame on you. Although he is right about how hard it will be to sleep when you’re a resident.”
“So at least we’ve both taken the fall for something during my ER rotations. I lied about knowing how to start an IV and initiated what happened in the X-ray room, and Mark reamed you for being a terrible teacher. I guess we are on equal footing after all, and not to mention this rotation has gone a lot worse than I expected it to.
“I wasn’t honest about something else either, really. I wouldn’t have done an ER rotation if it weren’t required. I may do an elective there again in my fourth year since I’m still on the fence about where I want to apply for a residency, but honestly I don’t think it’s going to be the ER. It’s really not my thing. I don’t have the sense of urgency, sometimes I don’t think fast enough, there’s a lot of running from one thing to the next…it’s not exactly ADD friendly.”
“So what are you thinking?”
“Psychiatry. I mean, it has its own challenges, but things tend to move slower and have more structure. You know when you’re supposed to see your patients individually and in groups. And I don’t have to worry about how to scrub or do sutures, or put in an IV. I don’t have to treat a GSW. The work is more…I don’t know…understanding people and how they think, and actually listening to them, not trying to patch them back together and push them out the door.”
“It sounds like you’re thinking smart. And look…I never confessed this, but I did a lot of stupid things when I was a student and even an intern. When I got my surgical match, I snuck off with this other student I was kind of dating and drank champagne on a lunch break and ignored my pager. I’m damn lucky I didn’t get my match pulled and kicked out of the program. Then, when I was an intern, I went behind Anspaugh’s back and pushed for a surgery on a patient he’d refused to operate on. Again, I almost got kicked out. I topped it all off by deciding I hated surgery and ended up starting my residency over in the ER, and I’m still doing stupid things. No matter where you end up matching, you won’t know it all after one year.”
“I can’t imagine you doing all of that stuff!” Lucy started to laugh. “Even when I was annoyed with you, I never would have thought you were that dumb.”
“Well, believe it.”
“I guess that means you could stand to be a little more sensitive towards me then.” she admonished him.
“And how do you suggest I do that?”
“For one, you can trust my judgment more. I’m going to be a doctor this time next year, and you won’t be able to keep after me and act like you’re my babysitter anymore. And you could have been more humble when teaching me, like telling me a lot sooner about those dumb mistakes you made so I wouldn’t feel so bad.”
“You’re right. And I’m sorry. I’m more used to the pressure cooker environment and being brushed off, the way you felt on your first day here. Benton was my supervising resident when I was a student and he was pretty short and to the point with me. I was left out to dry and handle a patient’s pushy husband virtually by myself. So, I’ve been there. I taught you the way I knew and tried to replicate how I was treated instead of trying to understand what teaching style would help you.
“As far as the elephant in the room, the Ritalin,” he continued. “I admit I was wrong there too. After Mark lectured me today, I realized ‘and that’s why she didn’t want to stop taking it’.”
“That’s what I was hoping to hear. Thank you for taking my advice so quickly.”
Carter smiled and shrugged, then started to eat his fries. “Even teachers need to learn something once in a while.”
“You know,” Lucy said, smiling back at him. “This is my last summer of relative freedom before I become a resident. Why don’t we have dinner sometime and put this all behind us? Or you can come over to my new apartment once I’m all moved in.”
“And recreate what we did the day you kicked me in the chest?”
“I won’t kick you this time. Even after today, I’d never do that to you on purpose. See, I’m still in touch with my sensitive side. Now it’s your turn. So, impress me.”
“Boy, I can’t wait until you graduate.”