Work Text:
bakugou katsuki had just gotten home from a long, relentless day of training at best jeanist’s hero agency. he decided to go with his favorite hero after graduating from UA. you would think that he just graduated yesterday with how frequent his one, singular thought was that originated during his time there, but it had been a couple months since then. he drops his bag of freshly bought groceries onto the ground with a huff before turning to lock the door to his one bedroom apartment. he decided against living with his friend, valuing his own personal space, and knowing that if he lived with kirishima, kaminari, sero, and ashido, there would be no peace and quiet anymore, something that came as a necessity when this thought would pop into his mind.
the reason for his annoyance was this thought. the one that would rarely go away, even seeping into his dreams causing katsuki to wake up with an intense feeling of disappointment. he didn’t want disappointment or regret. he wasn’t one for regret, especially after making amends with midoriya. he was going to become the number one hero, he didn’t have time for that shit. so when he would wake up, washed with an icy wave of extreme regret, he got mad. mad at himself and mad at this thought that wouldn’t go away. he tried everything imaginable. he got drunk, but that just made him blush a deep scarlet as the thought popped into his head. he tried sleeping around, but he left before he could even undress himself, leaving the person in front of him confused along with disappointed. how could he sleep with someone when the whole time he would be dreaming that it was someone else. yes, bakugou katsuki had a crush. that’s what the thought was. and not just any crush, it was a crush on todoroki shouto. one that started during their days of supplementary training to get their hero licenses, and never seemed to falter. some may wonder how someone deals with a crush that has lasted him three years, and that, again, is something that took katsuki a long time to figure out.
katsuki was always against smoking. he thought that the damage to his lungs would affect his abilities, but when it came to thoughts of todoroki shouto, all katsuki wanted was a cigarette. that was what started his habit. the one that he does on this particularly rough day.
after slipping his shoes off, and sliding into his house slippers, katsuki walks to his bedroom, stopping at his nightstand to get out his half used box of luxury cigarettes before letting himself out onto his balcony. his apartment was high up, and had a nice view over the city. the sun had already begun to set on his way home, so the sky had a peaceful orange haze to it. he placed the pillow from his outdoor chair onto the ground before sitting in front of it. he carefully open the box of cigarettes with his long fingers to grab one and the lighter that was also placed in the box. right as he let the filter touch his lips, a pang went to his heart. the thought. it was there already. katsuki cursed as he moved his hands to light the cigarette, want to inhale at least a bit of nicotine before fully letting himself sit in the thought of how he wish it were todoroki’s perfectly soft lips touching his rather than some paper with a filter inside of it. now katsuki didn’t know they were soft from experience, as much as he wishes he did, but he spent countless times staring while no one was looking. he was sure that the man’s lips were engraved in his brain at this point.
after taking a huff and slowly letting the smoke slip past his lips, he laid his head down on the pillow, and began his evening. this was his routine when it was particularly bad, and today, he just so happened to run into todoroki. well, it wasn’t just todoroki. midoriya was there too. katsuki was on patrol when he saw the two go into a noodle shop together, each in their casual clothes. he thinks of the sight in detail. midoriya’s laugh and todorki’s small smile. fuck, he wanted todoroki to smile like that at him while they walked into a restaurant together. now, in their defense, they were just friends, but that didn’t stop katsuki from burning with jealousy. the small interaction replayed in his mind until finally he balled up his fist and punched the ground. the anger was seeping through him so intensely that he didn’t notice the blood trickle down his knuckles and pool onto the cement where he laid his hand. he cursed todoroki out. fuck him. fuck him for going to dinner with midoriya. fuck him for wearing that small smile that katsuki thought was so adorable he just wanted to kiss his lips until they lost their breath. fuck him for calling them friends throughout school and then rarely interacting with him outside of hero work. sure, they left high school with pretty much the same dynamic except for the fact that katsuki had settled down quite a bit, but the reason that he would get angry at being called todoroki’s friend wasn’t because they were rivals anymore, but because he wasn’t to be his boyfriend, not his friend.
time passes as katsuki curses out todoroki for everything he’s done aside from breathing, although that does come to mind as katsuki thinks about taking todoroki’s breath away in every way imaginable. soon katsuki realises he’s finished his cigarette, and so he grabs another one and lights it before laying back down. if the first cigarette was for cursing todoroki, then the second is for cursing himself. if only he said something, but as confident as he was in every other aspect, he wasn’t in love. he knew nothing aside from his parent’s romance, which he usually left the room as soon as they shared anything more than a peck on the lips or ‘i love you’s. so, no, he wasn’t confident in his ability to tell someone he was interested in them. he was sure if he went up to todoroki he would’ve yelled in his face about how annoying it is that he’s so pretty and that he hates him more than ever because he doesn’t hate him at all. he also was used to getting what he wants, so if todoroki rejected him, it would crush him. not only because of that, but because of the intensity of his feelings. if only he talked to kirishima or ashido, or even kaminari about it, then maybe he would of been able to do something.
before long, his second cigarette runs out without him noticing. it was just discarded on the ground as he laid there thinking about running his hands through todoroki’s hair in order to see more of his face, and kissing his scar over and over, only pausing to say “i love you” until todoroki truly knows what it means to be loved. he thinks about showing his love to the other. he used to find todoroki’s body attractive for purely sexual reasons, without any feelings, but now he imagines spreading the other in front of himself with nothing blocking his view as a way to show his love. katsuki was far better with actions than words, so the idea of laying todoroki down on his bed, and pleasuring him in every way was how katsuki imagined showing his love. he even imagined todoroki laying him down on the bed, removing his clothes and having his way with him as a way to show todoroki that he’s okay with being vulnerable with him, since he loves him. that was never something he imagined being okay with before.
eventually, katsuki’s eyes close and he falls into a deep sleep, dreaming about his love, todoroki shouto.