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“Shit.” There was a wild light in Chan’s eyes when he looked at Felix Lee. A kind of terror that was almost primal; like he was being chased by dinosaurs and he’d just found out it was lunchtime. "Your tattoo," he said. “The one I just finished."
Felix blinked up at him. “Yes?” His face was all big eyes and freckles. He was so goddamn cute it was unfair. He looked like how Chan imagined a sugar plum fairy might look, in real life.
Chan swallowed. "I--I might've fucked it up."
And all of a sudden that cuteness is gone. "Um....You what ?"
"I--well, there’s no easy way to say this.” Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Man up, Chan. Face the shit that you threw onto the fan. “I accidentally tattooed my name on your butt instead of the one you wanted me to. I know, very asshole move."
Felix turned around to check his ass--pretty, peachy, waxed--in the mirror. He looked back. His eyes were comically wide. “I can’t see anything.”
“Well,” Chan felt compelled to explain. "There are bandages. So you won't be able to see the, uh...bang chan for another three weeks."
"Yes, I know that.” Felix's voice dripped acid. “And you'd better spend those three weeks studying my ass until you know it by goddamn heart.”
Chan’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “ What ?” Was Felix reading his mind? Because if so, this was bad. This was very very bad. Felix’s butt looked really nice under all those bandages RESPECTFUL PROFFESSIONAL NONSEXUAL THOUGHTS GO HERE.
“...so you can figure out a way to cover it up,” Felix finished. “ Mr. Bang Chan."
Oh. Okay, that made more sense than Felix reading his dirty brain aloud.
And then because Bang Chan was exactly as bad as everyone thought he was (and just a little bit more horny, and only slightly more impulsive) (and stupid) (a whole ton more of stupid) he said "Fine, but I'll need a live model for that." And even as he said it, every thought in his brain was going you idiot you what are you doing THiS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE TRYING TO GET IN HIS PANTS CHANNIE.
There was a little mental pause.
Well, piped in the other part of his brain, the part containing most of that whole ton of stupid, the part that just never learned how to shut up, you already got in his pants, that's how you fucked up that tattoo. What you really want is to get in his ass-- Chan let out a frustrated sigh. SHUT UP, he told his brain. Shut up shut up shut UP --
The whole while Felix was staring at him, lip pushed out in a pout, brow furrowed. "Okay," he said finally.
"Okay what?" He was doing really bad at following the program, wasn’t he? Why oh why did he always lose his shit around the cute ones.
Felix shot him a look of pure disgust. "Okay, I'll be here in three weeks at five pm, right after my work lets out. So you can study my butt and figure out a way to hide the abomination currently on it."
"Right," said Chan. "Yeah. Okay. That makes a lot.of sense.”
"Wow.” Changbin's voice was wondering as he peered over Chan’s shoulder at the client he was currently assessing. “You really fucked up, boss, didn’t you."
"Why thank you, Changbin," Chan told him. "Thank you. Thank you for saying that. You're my assistant, I thought you were supposed to be on my side, you know."
"He's right though," Felix observed, from where he was lying on the table, face down and ass up. "He's validating my feelings. Validation is important.”
“What are you, a therapist?”
“Actually, I am.” Felix was smiling sweetly. Chan couldn’t see his face, but he just knew Felix was smiling sweetly. “Family counseling. If my ex had known the importance of validation–among several other crucial skills– I might not even be lying here today, as my swole tattoo artist tries to come up with a way to get his name off my ass. Validation is that crucial a part in being emotionally healthy.”
"I fucked up," Chan said immediately, as he massaged Felix’s butt for Reasons. “So badly.” Reasons definitely related only to covering up the tattoo. Yeah. That. "I fucked up so bad and so hard. You can just call me Mr. Fuckup, at this point. That’s how bad I am."
Changbin leaned in conspiratorially. "You are witnessing a very rare event, Felix," he whispered. “Taking place before our very eyes is the famed yet little-seen courtship ritual of the male Bangchannius Giganticus. Witness as this well-intentioned, but not very intelligent, large mammal attempts to present himself as a prospective mate."
"I do have a needle, you know," Chan informed the universe at large. "And it is sharp."
"Violence is never the answer," Felix said calmly.
"Of course," added Bang Chan immediately, "I would never use that needle. No sirree! Not me."
Felix let out a giggle. From Changbin's vicinity came a long-suffering sigh. Bang Chan had the silent air of someone rethinking their life choices.
"You're so hot," said Felix, voice muffled from how his mouth was pressed into the table. "You’re talented, too, this mess up notwithstanding. So how ? How are you so dumb? How does it even work? How does such a thing even come to be?"
"We're still trying to figure that out," said Changbin. "My current working hypothesis is that he's not actually human, but rather a Ken doll granted the power of speech and movement via a nefarious deal with Satan."
Felix almost sounded like he was laughing. "Oh?"
This only encouraged Changbin further. "He has a sizable collection of barbie dolls, too. What does a smokin' hot tattoo artist need with three Malibu Dream Barbies if he is't an actual Ken? Or even if he is Ken, but c'mon. It all just makes sense . Terrible, terrible sense. He plays dressup with them, too," he added gleefully. "When he's not busy accidentally tattooing his name onto hot people's butts."
But Chan was still focused on something Felix had said earlier. "You think I'm hot?"
Felix pushed himself up a little so he could glance over his shoulder at Chan. "Hell yeah i think you're hot, Mr. Australian-Surfer-Muscles and Hot Tan. Why do you think I picked this tattoo place to get an inking on my butt for? Because the google reviews were good? Though they were pretty good. Current service notwithstanding."
There was a moment of silence. Chan's hands were still poised awkwardly on Felix's ass, and for some reason, that felt weirder than it had a moment ago. Why were his hands on Felix's ass? Why was he even in this universe? He took them off and stuck them in his pockets.
"Omigod," squealed the one and only Seo Changbin, slapping at Chan's arm like a little girl and jumping up and down. "He thinks you're hot omigod omigod omigod Bang Chan you might actually have a chance. "
He'd have to thank Seo Changbin later for the vote of confidence. A long thank you. Out back. Man to man, like they did in the movies. Because his best friend seemed less concerned with chan getting with maybe the love of his life than with completely and totally embarrassing him like some cringy mom who came to sub your sixth-grade homeroom class.
"Coffee?" Chan dared to try, when Felix still failed to make some cutting remark about Bang Chan's non-chances. Because goddamn, if he was going to be humiliated anyways, he figured he may as well go all the way and add getting flat-out rejected to the mix, too. And if he didn’t get rejected, then hey, win-win, right?
Felix flopped back down to the table. "You want me to go out with you?”
“Yeah. I do.”
And Felix said--
“Fine," There was wickedly impish on his face. "if."
"If what?"
" If you agree to get a tattoo of my name on your butt, too."
"Deal," said Chan, and oh boy, he definitely wasn't thinking this one through, was he?
But then Felix said, "Tomorrow at ten work for you? At the coffee place down the street, maybe?"
And Chan couldn't find it in himself to regret it.
And when Felix's mouth--sweet, smelling faintly of coffee--slanted over his the next day, startling Chan enough that he dropped his mochachino all over his lap, he definitely wasn’t having any buyer’s remorse.
Not when when Felix's small hands grabbed at his shirt collar to pull him in close; and not when Felix's pretty throat gasped bang chan's name into his shoulder as they made out passionately beneath a streetlight many horse later.
In fact, Bang Chan didn't think he'd ever regret it, period.
Not even when the fresh tattoo on Chan’s left buttcheek meant that Felix had to tone down the buttsmacking during their makeout sessions for a month. Not even then.