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Chapter Text

Humihikab na pinindot ni Baekhyun ang up sa elevator.

Pinipigilan niya ang mapapikit dahil sa sobrang antok. Ikaw ba naman na late na umuwi mula sa trabaho (midnight na) at expected na maaga siya makakapasok. Dagdag mo pa na hindi siya nakatulog nang maayos, at bawat oras ata, nagigising siya, so instead of forcing himself to sleep, maaga na lang siyang kumilos para makapasok sa office.

It’s no surprise na kaunti pa lang ‘yung tao sa building. Hindi na siya nagulat na agad ding bumukas ang elevator at walang kahit na sinong nakasakay doon o makakasabay niya ngayon papasok. It’s too early.

Masosolo na sana niya ang elevator at pipindutin na sana niya ang close pagkatapos niyang mapindot ang floor niya, pero nakarinig siya bigla ng tumatakbo at biglang may lalaking muntikan pang madulas sa may harap ng elevator, napahawak sa may pintuan which prevented it from closing. 

Parang nagising pa ang diwa ni Baekhyun sa nangyari. 

Tumakbo. Nadulas. Napigilan isara ang pintuan.

Before he can even react, umayos ng tayo ang matangkad na lalaki, mahinang natawa at ngumiti sa kanya, his dimple showing, acting like nothing happened. Pumasok ito sa elevator and Baekhyun took a step back. Ang lalaki na ang nagpindot ng close before sighing and inayos ang suot nitong dress shirt. Nakuha pa nitong mag-salamin sa may tabi niya (since may mga salamin sa elevator na ‘to). 

Tahimik lang sila paakyat. Baekhyun couldn’t help looking at the guy na parang hindi mawala-wala ang ngiti sa labi. 

Parang ang saya naman nito… ang aga-aga pa…

Before he can even think about everything that happened, sakto naman na dumating na rin siya sa floor ng studio niya. Mauuna si Baekhyun bumaba, at bago pa tuluyang magsara ang elevator, nakita niya pang ngumiti ulit sa kanya ang lalaki.

Baekhyun simply looks away, hindi sanay na makakita ng ganun kasayang tao so early in the morning.

Hindi na niya ito masyado pinansin. Dumiretso na lang siya sa studio niya, and the moment he stepped inside his room, he forgets about what happened and immediately gets immersed with his work.

“Kailangan mo pumunta sa awarding mamaya ha. Required tayong lahat,” sabi ni Sehun habang pinupunasan ang gilid ng labi ni Baekhyun. “Ang kalat mo kumain!”

Hindi na lang niya pinansin ang editor at saka nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Siya naman ‘tong pinatigil siya sa ginagawa niya para lang makakain sila dahil, “Ano ba ‘yan, hindi pwedeng lagi ka na lang nagsskip!” which made sense naman. Nung makita niya ang hawak ni Sehun na pagkain, agad siyang natakam. Saka niya lang narealize na parang kagabi pa ang last meal niya.

“Baekhyun ha. Pumunta ka. Isasabay kita para sure,” pagpapaalala pa nito ulit. “May pakain dun, for sure. Narinig ko si Sir Chanyeol na may mga kausap para lang magpa-deliver ng food. Isipin mo, siya na nga ang makakakuha ng award, siya pa ang may sagot para sa mga pakain na ‘yan. He’s really an amazing guy. Super bait and friendly. Kinda a perfectionist and workaholic, parang ikaw, pero… he’s nice. He does what is expected of him and he even goes beyond it.”

Tumango-tango lang si Baekhyun sa kanya. Sobrang dalas na mamention ni Sehun ang pangalan na ‘yan— Chanyeol. He never met the guy, ni hindi niya pa ito nakikita ever dahil ang buhay niya ay nasa studio lang at hindi siya sumasama madalas sa mga company events, pero sa sobrang dalas na mabanggit ni Sehun ang pangalan ng lalaki, nakilala niya na lang ito.

Never nakarinig ng reklamo si Baekhyun tungkol kay Chanyeol mula kay Sehun. On deadlines, probably, meron just like any other working person, but on other things like his personality? The way he works with others? Wala. Puro papuri lang ang sinasabi ng editor niya.

He sounds like an amazing guy (just like what Sehun keeps on saying).

And apparently, kaya kailangan niya pumunta mamaya for another company event ay dahil mabibigyan itong si Chanyeol ng award.

Still, he asks, “Kailangan ko ba talaga pumunta…? Naghahabol pa ako ng deadlines… you know this, Sehun…”

“Yes, I know, pero oo, kailangan. Paulit-ulit ka na tinatanong sa akin dahil wala kang pinupuntahan na event,” sagot ni Sehun which made Baekhyun sigh. Wala siyang choice. “Plus, it wouldn’t hurt for you to step out of this studio for a little bit. Puro ka na lang work! Dalawang taon ka na dito, pero iilan lang kaming nakakakilala sa’yo at iilan lang din kaming kilala mo. They probably just know that you’re B.H, the BL artist. As in, your pen name lang. Ni walang nakakakilala sa mukha mo."

“I just don’t think it’s necessary…” bulong niya.

Sehun wasn’t kidding na puro trabaho lang siya. Talagang umiikot lang ang buhay niya dito sa studio bilang in-house artist ng Sheets and Panels (S&P). Araw-araw, wala na siyang ibang ginagawa kundi ang humarap sa screen niya while trying to update his series, Bound, weekly. Minsan, kalat-kalat ang papel sa studio niya dahil may times na mas prefer niyang sinesketch muna ang lahat sa notebooks niya. Lagi siyang may hinahabol na deadline, and being the perfectionist and detail-oriented that he is, talagang hindi siya nagsesettle for anything na hindi papasa sa sarili niyang standards. He works alone without any assistants, unlike the other artists. Hindi rin kasi siya sanay sa ganun, and they figured, since he proved that he could do it, hinayaan na lang siya sa gusto nito.

Hindi naman siya nagrereklamo sa ganitong lifestyle at career. Kahit na ang tagal-tagal niya madalas dito sa building to the point na inaabot na siya ng gabi (o madaling araw pa minsan). It’s a lot different from when he was a freelancer, back when hindi pa siya nagpipitch ng kwento niya sa S&P. He was mostly writing lang bago siya pumasok ng S&P without going into art. Napunta lang naman siya dito dahil sa interest niya sa pagiging BL artist after consuming a lot of stories like that, so when he saw that S&P was open for in house artists, sinubukan niya. Fortunately, nagustuhan nila ang kwento and decided to give him a chance, so ito si Baekhyun, at least provided with updated equipment that he can use to continue doing what he likes. 

Dito na lang umiikot ang buhay ni Baekhyun.

And he really couldn’t care less sa kung ano mang nangyayari sa iba dito sa company. He’s just here to do what is asked of him and what he wants to do.

“Tsaka… malay mo… magustuhan mo si Chanyeol?” dagdag pa ni Sehun sa pangungumbinsi niya. Nagawa pa nitong magtaas baba ng kilay. “He’s good-looking. Dami kaya may crush dun, even from other departments. Baka type mo rin.”

“I don’t really like the idea of office romance…” mahinang sabi niya, but Sehun heard it loud and clear pa rin naman. Silang dalawa lang naman nandito sa studio. Sehun snorted at what he just said and Baekhyun just shrugged. “I mean, I know there’s no policy about this here in S&P, but it’s more of a rule to myself. I just don’t like it.”

Wala naman malalim na dahilan sa self-rule niya na ito. He just doesn’t like the idea of it. Pakiramdam niya, in some way, it will be a distraction, lalo na kung sobrang lapit lang ng tao. And things might get too complicated kung sakaling magkaroon ng gulo or misunderstanding which will just make it hard for him to go to work.

At ayaw niya ‘yun. He likes working here.

“Boooooo,” pag-react ni Sehun at nagpakita pa ng thumbs down sa kanya. Napailing na lang siya sa kalokohan ng editor niya. “Basta, pumunta ka ha. Kapag hindi kita naakita, pupuntahan kita dito at hahatakin talaga kita palabas. Subukan mo lang talaga.”

Napabuntong-hininga na lang si Baekhyun at tumango. Wala naman na siya magagawa kung talagang nirerequire na sila pumunta.

He’ll probably have to stay late again kung gusto niya pa matapos ang mga for revision niya, and that’s a lot.

Oh well. It’s not like it’s something new.

Maybe it really wouldn’t hurt for him to go kahit saglit lang naman.

Apparently, Chanyeol is truly an amazing guy.

Nung una naman, pagkapasok niya ng auditorium nila, walang kapaki-pakialam si Baekhyun sa paligid niya. While everyone is busy talking with each other, umupo lang sa may pinaka-dulong upuan si Baekhyun, sa may last row pa. Nag-send lang siya ng message kay Sehun na nandito na siya with proof pa of a picture of the stage dahil panay tanong ito sa kanya kung nandun na ba siya, talagang sinisigurado na pumunta siya dahil pakiramdam yata nito, hindi siya tumupad sa usapan nila. Tumanggi kasi si Baekhyun nung nag-alok itong sumabay sa kanila dahil may kinailangan siya matapos and he couldn’t stop his train of thoughts. After that, tahimik lang na naghintay si Baekhyun na magsimula ang program while trying to ignore the urge to just draw something.

Baekhyun thought that this was going to be boring—it’s always like that whenever there’s some sort of ceremony, seminar, or whatever kind of event that has a lot of people, especially for company-related ones. Hindi talaga siya interesado sa ganito.

But when the program started just a few minutes after he arrived and na-introduce ang dahilan why they were here in the first place, that’s when things became interesting for Baekhyun.

This event is really for Chanyeol, who was the reason why sobrang tumaas ang sales nila. It’s no secret in the company na hindi ganun kadali bumenta ang mga works na inooffer nila before since medyo… traditional pa ang gawain nila and hindi pa nakakakeep up sa mga trends, especially dahil mas maraming tao ang prefer na lang na magbasa online. 

Still, they want to continue publishing stories amidst the rise of e-books. They started offering e-books and made all of their works available online (of course, with pay nga lang, the same with other publishers), as suggested by Chanyeol, na sobrang hands on din kahit hindi part ng trabaho niya ang pag-develop ng application para sa S&P. This was very much successful lalo na for shoujo mangas dahil marami talaga ang nagustuhan itong feature na ito. The artists that Chanyeol handled had high sales because of it, kaya hindi rin nagtagal, inupdate nila ang library nila at dumami na ang genre na inooffer nila. Not just shoujo mangas, but also others, BL included. Kaya nasa S&P App ang kay Baekhyun. Mas gumanda ang pag-market nila because of the app. Even in that aspect, si Chanyeol ang nag-handle. Iba kasi ang focus ng S&P noon kaya hindi masyadong natutuunan ng pansin ang mga kwentong may mga illustrations, but with Chanyeol’s suggestion, nagawan ng paraan ang lahat ng ‘to and they were able to see the demand for it.

Chanyeol, as the chief editor for their department, just offhandedly suggested in one of their meetings that they shouldn’t just be limited to publishing physical copies, especially now that lots of things are available digitally. Siya lang naman ang may lakas ng loob to point out that they were being too traditional and that hindi sila nakakahabol sa trends. There are a lot of ways to encourage people to read stories, both online and in print, and they should keep up to what is interesting for people para mas may tumangkilik sa kung anong inooffer nila at mas marami pa silang masuportahan na artists and writers by giving them a chance and platform to share their works. 

Since mahal na rin ang published works ngayon, si Chanyeol din ang nag-suggest that they should contact foreign authors to have their stories published and translated in S&P and make their stories more accessible to the people at a lower price using materials that are readily available naman na sa company. That way, they can encourage others to still buy books and read. This was, apparently, inspired by another publishing company but from another country nga lang, and he thought that they can also apply that in S&P as a way to let themselves be known as a publisher.

‘Yun pa lang, iniintroduce pa lang si Chanyeol at sinabi pa lang ang mga ginawa niya, hindi na niya mapigilan ang maamaze sa kanya.

No wonder bilib na bilib si Sehun sa kanya.

He doesn’t even know the guy personally, pero with the way he’s being introduced and the way a lot of people seem to be genuinely happy for him, alam niya na na it says a lot about the type of person that he is.

It gets more interesting for him when Chanyeol gets on stage and he seems… familiar.

Napatitig siya sa lalaki, iniisip kung saan niya siya nakita, and when the guy smiles, his dimple showing, that’s when he realized where he saw him. Parang nag-flashback pa nga sa utak niya ang nangyari.

Siya ‘yung muntikan na madulas para makasabay ng elevator.

Hindi niya mapigilan ang mapangiti, amused at the memory. He didn’t even know that the clumsy guy na nakasabay niya sa elevator ay ang taong hinahangaan ng marami ngayon. 

“Grabe naman ang pagka-introduce sa akin,” unang sabi ng lalaki when given the chance to say his gratitude. Hindi pa inaasahan ni Baekhyun ang malalim na boses nito which, honestly, made him feel something. Nakakadagdag kasi ng charm nito, especially with the way happiness is evident in his tone, like it’s just so natural for him to be there and have everyone’s attention. Tumawa pa ito, and Baekhyun couldn’t conceal the smile on his face when he heard it. “I felt like a great guy, not gonna lie. Sana proud na sila mama, natupad na mga sinasabi ng mga tao sa akin na someday, I’ll be able to do something great.”

Nagsitawanan naman ang mga tao nang marinig ang sinabi nito, even Baekhyun who thought that there’s nothing fun about this, couldn’t help joining the laughter. Hindi niya maalis ang tingin sa lalaking nasa harap, still so amazed that a guy like him exists.

“But really, jokes aside, I still think this isn’t necessary. Ginawa ko lang naman kung anong tingin kong makabubuti for S&P and our talents. I'm just doing my part and my job. Sir, aminin mo, are you doing this para masiguradong hindi ako aalis dito? Promise, hindi ko gagawin ‘yon.”

Natawa na naman ang mga nakikinig sa kanya. Baekhyun thought that he wouldn’t mind going to events such as this if it means he gets to listen to him talk and witness him shine brightly in front of everyone. 

Kuhang-kuha talaga ng lalaki ang atensyon niya.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad to be here after all.

That day, umuwi si Baekhyun na napapangiti na lang kapag biglang naiisip ang lalaki.

Whenever he catches himself doing so, agad siyang mapapailing, sinusubukan na tanggalin sa isip niya si Chanyeol, ang ngiti nito, the way he talks and catches everyone’s attention, and try to divert his attention somewhere else.

Usually, kapag ganun na masyado siyang maraming iniisip (which now, is unexpectedly, not some sort of crisis in life, but because of one person only), he’ll try to read, write, or draw something.

Sinubukan niyang gawin ‘yon. Just to get Chanyeol out of his mind.

Sinubukan niyang magbasa, only to end up closing the app immediately, hindi pa mapakali. Sinubukan niya mag-outline or mag-sketch, pero he’ll find himself spacing out along the way, masyadong busy alalahanin how unexpectedly a good day it was today.

Umabot pa nga sa punto na kahit nilabas niya lang naman ang sticky note niya para sana mag-iwan ng notes sa outline niya, it ended up with him, drawing a chibi version of Chanyeol habang nagsspeech siya kanina.

Nakuha niya pang matawa at how cute the drawing was, but when he realized what he was doing, he groans and pushes the sticky notes away, frustrated dahil bakit biglang ganito siya kumilos? It’s as if he’s in a trance every time na maiisip niya si Chanyeol.  

Napabuntong-hininga siya at napahiga na lang. Sinubukan niya ulit, one last time, to just try and read or reread something, pero ewan niya ba kung anong nangyari dahil one minute, he’s browsing through S&P’s collections, and the next nasa Facebook na siya, searching for Chanyeol’s profile.

Agad din naman itong nakita nung na-search niya.

Chanyeol Park

Chief Editor at Sheets & Panels

1 mutual friend: Sehun Oh

He clicks his profile at ang unang bumungad sa kanya ay ang profile picture nito. It was a mirror shot. Hindi niya pa naiwasan na mapansin kung gaano karumi ‘yung salamin, and yet… he still looked good. Naka-simpleng long coat lang ito at cream-color na pang-ilalim. Naka-mask pa, and yet… ang pogi pa rin talaga.

Bukod sa name, cover photo, current occupation, wala na ibang makita sa account nito. Mukhang private talaga na tao. Ang mga shared na public posts niya, puro related pa rin sa S&P. Halos ‘yun lang ang laman.

Nakita niya rin na naka-provide ang Linkedin profile niya sa isa sa mga post niya. Before he can even think about what he’s doing, clinick niya na ito, forgetting the fact that people can see kung sakaling i-view ang account mo sa Linkedin. But when he remembers that, it’s too late dahil nandun na siya sa profile ni Chanyeol.

Hindi naman siguro siya nito makikilala.

Wala naman silang koneksyon.

He’s just a random person who stumbled upon his account, that’s all.

Since nandun na rin naman na, tinignan niya na lang ito, curious kung anong laman. When he scrolls through it, naisip pa ni Baekhyun na parang mas active pa si Chanyeol dito sa Linkedin kaysa sa Facebook dahil mukhang mas marami pa siyang posts doon. Updated na updated pa ang credentials. May kung ano-ano na nakikita na sinuportahan or shinare niya. Marami rin pala siyang nakukuhang comments. Not to mention, the number of Connections he has.

His profile is just something that would really make you think na ang galing niyang tao. With all his achievements, experience, talaga naman mabibilib ang kahit na sino.

Halatang gustong-gusto nito ang ginagawa at proud na siya sa nararating niya, and that he’s someone who really prioritizes and takes pride of his career, and yet, even so, he remains humble and close to everyone.

No wonder a lot of people are amazed.

He makes one last look sa profile nito bago niya clinose ang app, thinking about how is it even possible for someone like Chanyeol to exist.

Ever since that day, sobrang dalas niya na naririnig ang pangalan ni Chanyeol. Minsan pa nga, nakakasabay niya ito sa may elevator, at lagi lang itong may ngiti sa labi, para bang napakasaya niyang tao. Never niyang nakita na mawala ‘yun, and each time he sees him, hindi niya maiwasan ang mapatitig sa kanya, only to look away kapag napapatingin din siya sa may gawi niya. Kulang na lang ay ipagsiksikan niya pa sarili niya sa may likod ng elevator at hintayin na malamon siya nun para lang makapagtago.

Katulad na lang ngayon.

Puno na rin halos sa elevator. Medyo late siya nakapasok this time dahil napasobra ang tulog niya at nasa may dulo si Baekhyun, halos natatakpan na rin ng iba dahil siksikan na talaga. Nakakarinig pa nga siya ng mga mahihinang reklamo mula sa iba.

“Ano ba ‘yan, hindi ba pwedeng may mag-adjust at sa isang elevator na lang sumakay?” mahinang reklamo ng babae na nasa harap niya.

“Magparinig kaya ako?” pabulong na sagot ng katabi ng babae, baka kaibigan nito. “Nakakairita pa, hindi pa sinasara yung elevator. Naghihintay pa? Taena, hindi na kasya.”

Hindi na lang pinansin ni Baekhyun ang mga sinasabi nila. It’s none of his business anyway.

Mas iniisip niya pa ang regret na nararamdaman niya dahil hindi siya maagang nakakilos. Syempre, alam niya na madalas, maaga pumapasok si Chanyeol. Kung maaga siya pumasok, mas mataas ang chance na makasabay niya siya ngayon. Buong akala niya, dahil medyo late na siya nakagising at nakapasok, hindi na niya makakasalubong si Chanyeol.

But life, apparently, has its ways of making him realize how wrong he was.

Dahil ang huling pumasok sa elevator ay si Chanyeol.

“Good morning, everyone!” bati pa nito, siniksik ang sarili sa may elevator (na hindi naman naging mahirap sa kanya dahil miraculously ay binigyan pa siya ng space ng mga katabi niya), at saka tinapik ang lalaking naka-hold sa open button ng elevator. “Sev, salamat ha at hindi mo agad sinara. Pasensya na at pinaghintay kita dito. May kumausap kasi sa akin bigla eh, may pinapasuyo ibigay sa ibang department. Inabutan pa akong kape.”

“Okay lang po, sir,” sagot nung Sev at saka lang inalis ang pagkapindot sa elevator kaya finally, ay nagsara na ito.

Ang mga babae naman na kanina lang ay nagrereklamo, parang nawala bigla ang simangot sa mukha nang makita si Chanyeol.

“Ay, sis. Okay na pala ‘to,” bulong ng babae at napa-giggle pa. “Ang pogi… hala, titiisin ko na lang.”

“Ito siguro ‘yung sinasabi na there’s always a rainbow after the rain,” natatawang sabi ng kausap nito.

“Parang mas accurate ‘yung silver lining, teh.”

Baekhyun just listened to their conversation, amused with how it suddenly changed nang pumasok si Chanyeol.

Grabe talaga ang epekto ng lalaking ‘to.

Hindi niya tuloy maiwasan ang mapatingin sa kanya. He was just taking a sip of the coffee given to him. Naririnig niya rin ang mahinang pag-hum nito, just some random tune probably, at paminsan-minsan ay ngumingiti rin sa mga katabi niya na ngumingiti rin sa kanya pabalik.

He looks like he’s in a good mood.

Hindi niya talaga maiwasan ang mapangiti. Napaka-contagious talaga ng ngiti ng lalaki na kahit nakatingin lang siya sa ngiti nito, nakakaramdam na rin siya ng tuwa.

Napaiwas lang siya ng tingin nang biglang mapatingin sa gawi niya si Chanyeol, still with that small smile na kita ang dimple niya. Napayuko siya at halos itago na ang sarili sa likod ng dalawang babae na kanina pa nakatitig kay Chanyeol.

Ang lala talaga ng epekto nito sa kanya, na kahit isang tingin lang nito, pakiramdam niya, nag-iinit na ang pisngi niya.

Kahit nang makababa na si Chanyeol sa floor na pupuntahan niya, hindi pa rin magawa ni Baekhyun na iangat ang tingin niya. Nanatili siyang nakayuko hanggang sa makarating siya sa floor ng department nila, paulit-ulit sa utak ang saglit na pagtingin ni Chanyeol sa gawi niya at ang maliit na ngiti nito.

Sa ganung pagkakataon lang siyang pinapalad na masulyapan si Chanyeol (na talaga namang chinecherish niya), but mas madalas na naririnig niya lang ang pangalan niya randomly, and whenever he does, it’s always good things. He used to think that most people in a company would be too into work politics, but it’s nice to hear only good things about a person. 

Most of the time, kay Sehun niya naririnig ang pangalan niya at mga papuri sa lalaki. Sa sobrang dalas, pakiramdam niya kilalang-kilala niya si Chanyeol. Kahit na hindi niya pa siya personally nakakausap for him to have some sort of judgment about him, ang dami na niyang nalaman tungkol sa kanya. 

And for the first time in a while, he didn’t mind it. Katulad nung sa araw ng awarding, he still thinks that Chanyeol is… an amazing guy. Paulit-ulit na, he knows, but 'yun talaga ang masasabi ng kahit na sino kung makilala nila si Chanyeol.

He didn’t mind na makinig sa mga kwento ni Sehun. Katulad ngayon, na for some reason, habang pinipilit si Baekhyun na kumain, ay napasok na naman ang usapan kay Chanyeol without Baekhyun even saying anything about him. 

“Sometimes, I wonder kung magkano na ba ang sweldo ni Chanyeol,” biglang sabi ni Sehun.

Napaayos naman ng upo si Baekhyun nang marinig ang pangalan, suddenly interested sa kung anong topic na ioopen niya. He tried it discreetly, habang nananatili ang mga mata sa dinalang tonkatsu ng editor niya, pasimpleng hinihimay ito kahit na ang mga tenga niya ay nag-aabang na sa susunod na sasabihin ni Sehun, no matter how random it was (like, he never even expected that he’d be interested about the salary topic!)

“Overheard lang sa isa ka-department ko. More than 5 years na kasi siya sa company—8 to be exact. Na-curious lang ako kasi nag-shift din siya from novels to shoujo mangas. He’s always been in literature, like as in poetry, novels, short stories, basta ganon! But apparently, he needed some change in the atmosphere, or something kaya recently lang siya lumipat sa department na ‘yun and now nabigyan siya agad award kahit kakalipat niya lang department. Basta ‘yun ang sabi-sabi sa amin. Napaisip lang talaga ako magkano naeearn niya since marami rin ang may history of leaving this company because it doesn’t exactly pay well, or not as well as other publishing companies ha,” sabi ni Sehun at sumubo muna ng pork bago siya nagpatuloy sa pagsalita. 

Baekhyun didn’t react. Ayaw naman niya ipahalata na sobrang interesado siya, partida tungkol lang naman sa employment history ni Chanyeol ‘yan, pero all ears na siya agad. If his editor knew about his interest, sigurado siyang hindi ito titigil sa kakaasar sa kanya.

“Besides loyalty, I honestly think that it’s because of his passion in literature na rin kaya siya nag-stay. That, and nabanggit niya before that he wanted to prove na importante pa rin ang stories in any form and he wanted to boost S&P especially since a lot of classics are published under us which, by the way, is also the reason why dream company niya ang S&P. That’s no secret, pero feel ko talaga it’s all because of his passion kaya siya nandito pa. Hindi ko masyado sure. Bihira lang ‘yun magsabi ng kung anong personal about his life. Somehow, nagagawa niyang maging secretive even though he talks a lot —ay teka, sorry, I know, random thought. Naisip ko lang talaga. Just because I want a raise, plus it always makes me wonder how he can always be so motivated kapag pumapasok. I’ve never seen someone be that happy in having another long day at work.”

Hindi naman mapigilan ni Baekhyun ang mapangiti sa narinig. Hindi sa sinabi ni Sehun na he wants a raise ha, but mostly at the idea that Chanyeol is passionate about literature and proving its importance. Of course, as a writer himself, that’s such a nice thing to hear. Halata naman na passionate na tao si Chanyeol, based na rin sa mga sinabi tungkol sa kanya nung awarding. He surely goes beyond what is expected of him.

It’s not always that you get to meet a person like him. 

“Hm… ano ‘yang ngiti na ‘yan ha?” biglang pag-point out ni Sehun kaya agad nawala sa labi niya ang ngiting tinutukoy nito, but it’s too late to hide it. Nakita na siya ni Sehun eh. “I doubt na dahil sa akin ‘yang ngiti na ‘yan, so I guess… it’s Chanyeol? Parang nakikita ko rin ‘yang ngiti na ‘yan nung mga nakaraang linggo ha. Nakakahalata na ako.”

Sabi na eh.

Maaasar siya agad kapag may nakitang bago sa inaakto niya.

“I told you, I don’t like office romance…” sabi niya, pero kahit siya, parang hindi na sigurado kung gaano katotoo ang sinasabi niya.

“I didn’t say anything about office romance. Ikaw ha,” pang-aasar ni Sehun at mahina pa siyang siniko. “I’m not judging you or anything. Sabi ko naman sa’yo, you’d find yourself liking him. Nafeel ko talagang ganun mga tipo mo eh.”

Kahit nahuli na, he still tries to deny it. “N-No—"

Tinapik-tapik siya ni Sehun, as if comforting him. “Shh, my friend. It’s okay. There’s nothing bad in admiring someone at work. Wala naman ‘yan sa policies natin, so technically, wala ka naman nilalabag. Think of it as a way to… have something to look forward to for each day. Nakakapagod kaya kapag puro work lang. What’s wrong with having a little bit of inspiration?”

Nagawa pang kumindat ni Sehun, and Baekhyun just rolled his eyes at that. Puro kalokohan na lang. Hindi naman niya kailangan ng something to look forward to dahil enough reason naman na sa kanya ang drive niya to continue his own story.

He knows for sure that he doesn’t have to have other sources of inspiration to go to work and write.

But it turns out, maybe Sehun is right.

Maybe he is looking forward to seeing Chanyeol kapag pumapasok and it's a nice feeling.

Parang naging habit na lang niya na abangan kung makakasabay niya ba si Chanyeol ngayon papasok ng office nila. There are some days na hindi, but there are also those na oo, and whenever he does have the opportunity na makasabay siya, hindi niya maitatanggi ang tuwa na mararamdaman niya. Pakiramdam niya, his day somehow started right.

May times na seswertehin siya at nasasaktuhan niya na wala sa labas si Chanyeol to meet an artist that he handles. Nandun lang siya sa office niya and seeing him there, kahit na he’s only observing from afar, never failed to make him smile. 

Actually, just the thought of Chanyeol makes him smile.

Ilang beses na siyang napapansin ni Sehun na bigla na lang napapangiti while doing his work which would end up with him being teased at na kesyo, si Chanyeol siguro ‘yan no, and Baekhyun would simply roll his eyes. Hindi naman niya rin kasi ma-deny dahil sa tuwing mapapangiti siya bigla, nagkakataon na naaalala niya si Chanyeol, just some random moments that made him happy for that day, na kahit simpleng makasalubong lang siya or tapunan ng tingin ay enough na to make his day.

Minsan, iniisip niya pa lang ang possibility na magkausap sila, parang napapangiti siya bigla. Malala na talaga siya. But see, the thing is, talking to Chanyeol is some big step already. Never niya pa kasi natry na i-approach siya kasi mahiyain siya. Plus, he thinks wala naman silang rason para magkausap, but still, just the thought of having the chance to talk to Chnyeol makes him happy to the point na sobrang lala ng tibok ng puso niya kahit na iimagine niya lang.

So maybe… maybe Sehun is right.

Nagkaroon siya ng something new to look forward to.

Suddenly, going to work doesn’t seem so… bad. Well, it wasn’t bad in the first place at mahal niya ang trabaho niya at ang ginagawa niya, but he admits that there are days that he feels a little bit too tired or demotivated to even go to work, pero kailangan pa rin niya pumasok kasi mahuhuli sila sa deadline. But lately, ever since he acknowledged that he’s looking forward to seeing Chanyeol by chance, it’s not as stressful or dreading kahit na gaano pa niya kagusto ang ginagawa niya.

Parang kinain niya tuloy sinabi niya.

Kasi, oo nga, he doesn’t believe in office romance, but… maybe he does admire Chanyeol and look forward to seeing him each day para lang may source of happiness siya sa araw na ‘yon, so fine. He admits na… happy crush niya si Chanyeol.

Legit na happy crush lang. Hindi siya umaasa ng kahit ano. He’s not expecting them to suddenly be together or even hang out. He doesn’t have any plans on doing something for his feelings to be reciprocated nor for things to escalate.

As in… happy crush lang, someone that can brighten up a long and tiring day.

Happy crush lang, paulit-ulit na sinasabi niya sa sarili niya. Happy crush lang.

At his second year in work, Baekhyun finally acknowledged that he has a happy crush.

Happy crush… na inabot ng tatlong taon.

Napabuntong-hininga si Baekhyun at pinigilan ang sarili na malungkot dahil parang hindi niya nakita si Chanyeol ngayon. He shouldn’t be hoping na nakasabay niya siya. Heck, ni hindi nga dapat naging part ng everyday routine niya to look for Chanyeol in a crowd, just to get a glimpse of him. Parang nasanay na siya masyado na hinahanap ng mata niya ang pamilyar na ngiti ni Chanyeol. 

He should really stop.

Para naman maiwasan na makaramdam ng ganitong lungkot at the idea na hindi niya nakita ang happy crush niya for today.

Baekhyun convinces himself that it’s just the lack of sleep. Antok lang ‘to. After all, it’s almost 3 AM, at ilang araw na siya walang maayos na tulog, and what he wants right now is to just go home and get that sleep that he deserves the most, tutal wala siyang pasok mamaya.

Talaga ba, Baekhyun? Naisip niya at napasandal sa may elevator panel. Talaga bang dahil lang kulang ka sa tulog kaya ka nalulungkot dahil hindi mo nakita si Chanyeol?

Napabuntong-hininga siya at mahinang pinalo ang noo niya. He should snap out of it.

Napaayos siya ng tayo nang biglang tumigil ang elevator at bumukas ang pinto. Nagtaka pa siya at may halo na ring takot at kaba, kasi sino ba namang nandito pa ng ganitong oras? Although medyo hindi naman na bago na may nagsstay pa ng ganitong oras dahil sa nature of work nila, pero it doesn’t mean na it’s an everyday occurrence kaya sorry na lang kung may halong kaba ngayon. May kadiliman na rin sa floor na ito. Tanging ilaw mula sa isang office ang nakabukas na hindi rin nagtagal ay nagsara na.

Medyo kabado na talaga si Baekhyun kasi ilang segundo na ang nakalipas at wala pa rin sumasakay.

Hindi naman siguro ‘to ‘yung katulad nung sa mga horror stories na may papasok na parang pasyente pero ‘yun pala— no, that can’t be. Sa ospital ‘yon. Tinatakot na lang niya sarili niya. To end his misery, plano na sana niya na pindutin na ang close button, pero bigla siyang nakarinig ng ingay ng sapatos na tumatakbo. 

Parang nagising ang diwa niya nang may biglang muntikan na naman madulas sa may harap ng elevator at napahawak sa may pintuan para mapagilan itong magsara.

Dejavu. 

Nangyari rin ito noon, nung masyado siyang maaga na pumasok, and that time, it was Chanyeol who entered the elevator at nagpanggap pa na parang walang nangyari.

Pero imposible naman na nandito pa siya—

Nanlaki ang mata ni Baekhyun nang makita kung sino ito.

Si Chanyeol.

Napaayos ito agad ng tayo. Nagawa pa nitong pagpagin ang suot niya at saka nahihiyang ngumiti sa kanya bago pa siya pumasok. Silang dalawa lang naman ang nasa loob ng elevator pero kulang na lang ipagsiksikan ni Baekhyun ang sarili niya sa may elevator panel na parang nagpapalamon na lang doon, katulad lang ng ginagawa niya noon pa sa bawat pagkakataon na nandyan si Chanyeol malapit sa kanya.

Hindi siya makapaniwala na nandito si Chanyeol ngayon.

Sa sobrang pag-iisip niya ba kanina na makita siya, na-manifest niya ngayon? 

Hindi kaya guni-guni niya lang ito? After all, masyado ata siya nalungkot na hindi niya nakita si Chanyeol ngayon. Aparisyon!?

Nagsara na ang pintuan ng elevator and when he glanced at Chanyeol just to check again to see if he’s really there, nakita niya itong kinukusot ang mata nito, siguro dahil sa antok, pero mukhang naramdaman ata nito ang mga mata ni Baekhyun dahil bigla itong napatingin sa kanya at saka sinabi, “Hi.”

Agad naman siya napaiwas ng tingin, too overwhelmed with his presence kahit may maliit na ngiti lang naman ito sa labi niya at nagsabi lang ng isang simpleng hi.

One word lang pero parang hinang-hina na siya.

Ni hindi niya magawang magsalita. 

Pinanood niya ang pagbago ng floor number sa may elevator, nagpipigil ng paghinga dahil parang too much talaga ang presensya ni Chanyeol. Gising na gising na talaga siya. Pasimple niya pang kinurot ang sarili niya para masiguradong hindi siya nananaginip ngayon.

He can’t believe na nasa iisang space sila ngayon at kinausap pa siya.

“Bakit nandito ka pa?” tanong ni Chanyeol at dahil silang dalawa lang nandito ngayon, pakiramdam ni Baekhyun sobrang lakas ng malalim na boses nito. He wishes na may hawakan man lang dito sa may elevator para may mahawakan siya for support. 

Hindi talaga siya makasagot, kaya siguro nagsalita ulit si Chanyeol. “May hinahabol ka rin na deadline?”

It’s like Baekhyun forgot how to speak. You can’t blame him. Madalas lang naman niyang nakikita sa malayo si Chanyeol at sapat na ang makita lang siya once a day, so sobrang surreal nitong pag-small sa kanya.

Baekhyun could only glance at him, look away when he saw him looking at him and waiting for his answer, and nod.

“Ako rin eh! I had to catch up with some work kasi may kailangan akong ihabol na manuscript, then nag-photocopy pa ako after. Ang weird pala sa floor na 'yun kapag madaling araw na? Akala ko mangyayari 'yung sa mga movie na biglang gagana 'yung machine mag-isa tapos may lalabas na pinaphotocopy na something and it's some ghost. Or maybe I watch too much or sadyang I rarely go to that area on my usual work day. I’m usually outside in the morning kasi, so after those meetings lang ako nakakabalik ng office to attend other work. Not that I’m complaining, of course! Naeenjoy ko naman, weirdly, kahit umaabot ako ng gantong oras kakatrabaho! Honestly, hindi ko lang napansin ‘yung oras! I was too determined to finish it all today, pero inabot na ako ng madaling araw, so I’m not sure if it still counts as today and I should call it as an achievement…”

He sounds way too enthusiastic and talkative for someone na uuwi na ng 3 AM sa kakatrabaho. He's jumping from one topic to another. His energy is just… overwhelming . Paulit-ulit, pero overwhelming talaga ang overall presence ni Chanyeol para sa kanya. Nakakagulat na ganito  pa rin karami ang sinasabi niya.

“Ah, sorry. Ang daldal ko ‘no, tapos hindi pa ako nagpapakilala. You probably think I’m so weird. Sorry about that. Chanyeol pala. You?”

Baekhyun looked at his eyes, pero just by doing that, hiyang-hiya na siya kaya napayuko siya at napahinga muna nang malalim bago mahinang sumagot. “B-Baekhyun…”

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun!” sabi nito at sakto namang tumunog na ang elevator at nakarating na sila sa ground floor. Para namang nakahinga nang maluwag si Baekhyun dahil dito. 

What a ride talaga.

Buong akala niya, doon na magtatapos ang usapan nila, but then Chanyeol suddenly says, “You know I’m craving for some coffee. Want some? Dyan lang sa may tapat, may nakabukas pa. Libre pa kita if you want. Let’s have some veeeery early breakfast.”

Coffee?

At 3 AM?

Kung kailan… dapat natutulog na?

Tapos gusto pa mag-breakfast?

“Please?” dagdag pa nito, and this time, Baekhyun couldn’t look away from his eyes, not when he looked… cute while trying to convince him. Is he trying to do some puppy eyes? “Gusto ko lang talaga ng kasabay kumain. Gutom na rin kasi ako. Of course I ate dinner, pero nagugutom talaga ako ngayon. Alam mo ‘yun, kapag madaling araw tapos gusto mo kumain? Ganun. I swear, libre ko. And I’m not going to do anything to you, in case you’re worried about that. Literal nasa tapat lang at may nagbabantay pang guard dun. I mean no harm. Gusto ko lang ng kasabay and a potential work friend. This is the first time that I’ve met you and gusto ko lahat kakilala at kaclose ko. You can be, like, my 3 AM buddy… or something. I'll have to think about that nickname…”

Ang daming sinabi.

It’s so hard to keep up with his energy, lalo na at kanina lang ay inaantok lang si Baekhyun, and then suddenly, here was Chanyeol, parang hindi pa pagod after a long day. Talagang nagising ang diwa niya, at napipilitan siyang gamitin ang utak niya.

“What do you say?” tanong ni Chanyeol nang hindi pa rin makasagot si Baekhyun sa kanya, masyadong nagulat sa mga nangyayari. “No pressure and no hard feelings if ever ayaw mo, of course. It’s 3 AM after all. Hehe.”

No pressure and no hard feelings, pero one look at Chanyeol’s eyes, kita mong umaasa talaga ito na papayag siya, and tao lang si Baekhyun, mahina para sa taong tatlong taon na niyang happy crush, kaya kahit naguguluhan siya at overwhelmed, he’s still weak for Chanyeol’s hopeful eyes, kaya wala na siyang ibang nagawa kundi tumango at sabihin, “O-Okay…”

When Chanyeol heard that, Baekhyun had to look away from him because of how blinding his smile was.

If it means he’s the reason for Chanyeol’s smile, mukhang tama naman ang naging desisyon niya.

Good luck na lang siguro sa utak at puso niya.

"So, Baekhyun, saang department ka pala? Anong hinahabol mo?" tanong ni Chanyeol sa kanya, and just casually took a bite of his donut. 

Nanatili lang nakayuko si Baekhyun, nahihiya pa rin, especially with the way Chanyeol was looking at him. He can just feel his eyes on him, ni hindi ito nawawala sa kanya unless may ibang kakausap sa kanya na staff. 

"I-I'm… an in-house artist… for S&P…" mahina niyang sabi. “I had to prepare my update…”

Still, it looked like Chanyeol wasn't bothered by how obviously shy he was. Parang naexcite pa nga ito sa narinig. "Oh! Anong pen name mo? What are you working on?"

Mas lalong nakaramdam ng hiya si Baekhyun. Ang hirap naman sagutin niyan.

Hindi naman niya kinakahiya ang ginagawa niya, at wala rin naman mali rito, of course, but it's not like it's every day that you encounter a guy working on BL for a living. Naka-encounter na siya ng mga taong hindi ganun ka-open minded sa mga ganitong bagay, people who would have this tendency to look at people funnily when they find out about BL, kaya natuto na lang din siyang itago ito or hindi agad sabihin out of fear na baka makasagutan niya ang isang tao.

Who knows, baka ganun din si Chanyeol, diba?

Hindi niya alam if that's even something Chanyeol is interested in. Baka i-judge pa siya nito, although he doesn't really think that Chanyeol's that type of person, but still, baka mamaya, iba pala ang naiisip niya about him.

Hindi naman niya magawang magsinungaling. Not when this is Chanyeol in front of him.

Saglit niyang tinignan ang lalaki and he can see him patiently waiting for him, walang kahit anong judgment sa mukha, kaya napaiwas siya ng tingin.

Mukhang mapagkakatiwalaan naman siya.

"I-I'm… B.H… " sagot niya and he tried to glance at Chanyeol again, and he's not sure if the way his eyes widened was a good sign. Still, he continues. "I'm working on Bound… it's, um, BL…"

Nang tinignan niya ulit si Chanyeol, gone was his wide eyes. Ngiting-ngiti na ito ngayon, halatang excited. Sobrang expressive talaga ng mga mata nito. " You're B.H! Oh, wow! Ikaw 'yung in-house artist na pinupuri ng isa kong kateam. He's a big fan, by the way, and I've heard a lot of good things about your work."

Hindi naman niya inaasahan na marerecognize ni Chanyeol ang pen name niya. He knows he's the editor-in-chief in another department and he probably has access to confidential things only chief editors have access to, but Baekhyun tried not to imagine the idea na kilala na siya nito kasi marami rin naman silang artists sa S&P. It's not that easy to know everyone, kaya upon hearing na kilala siya nito, parang nag-init tuloy ang pisngi ni Baekhyun.

"Sorry, I've never had the chance to read Bound, but nakukwento siya sa akin ng kateam ko. I can't believe I only saw you now. I had plans na mapadaan sa floor ng in house artists, but I've never had the time to do so. Nakakahiya pero nalaman ko lang din na may in-house artists na nung nandyan ‘yung nga co-editors ko, and I just forgot about it. Magkaiba rin naman kasi tayo ng department. Most of the time din kasi, I just hear about your work sa iba pang editors. But really, I had plans of reading Bound, lalo na at you're always at the top of the sales. Congratulations, by the way. Mas lalo tuloy akong nacurious na basahin," sabi nito at nakuha pa siyang lokohin. "Maybe I should buy some coins para masubaybayan ko rin."

"Y-You don't have to…" nahihiyang sabi ni Baekhyun at napahigpit ang hawak sa cup of coffee niya. Jusko. Baka kung ano pang maisip nito when he sees the content of Bound. It's not really the most… wholesome story to ever exist. "I-It's not that interesting… you might not like it… it might not be your preference…"

Hindi naman kasi talaga wholesome ang kwento ng Bound. It has mature content, way too explicit that he can’t even confidently recommend it lalo na kung hindi naman mahilig magbasa sa ganun. Others would think na something that is part of the action and mystery category won’t have one, but Baekhyun was able to balance it all in one story. Yes, it has action, mystery, and would make you intrigued, pero marami sa mga nagbabasa nito ang talagang inaabangan ang bawat pagkakataon na magkakaroon ng some sort of sexual tension or scenes sa dalawang bida ng kwento.

"It won't be number one if it's not interesting. So humble naman," amused na sabi ni Chanyeol. "I'll read it. I don't really have any specific preference. Basta maganda ang kwento, babasahin ko 'yan."

With those simple lines, ramdam na ramdam ni Baekhyun ngayon ang passion nito sa pagbabasa. Even though it's 3 AM, para talagang hindi nawawalan ng excitement sa katawan ang lalaki. He's never seen someone as passionate and curious as him. Dati hanggang observe lang siya sa ganito, pero ibang-iba pala talaga kapag nakikita niya na siya mismo sa harap niya.

"I'm just curious. Why BL? If you don't mind me asking," tanong ni Chanyeol and takes a sip of his coffee first bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "If it's too personal, it's fine. You don't have to answer it."

"I-It's okay…" mahinang sagot ni Baekhyun. Nagulat pa si Baekhyun sa sarili niya with how willing he was to share about it. Hindi niya talaga matanggihan si Chanyeol. "Um… gusto ko lang kasi BL. I read a lot of stories and I guess I wanted to make my own…"

"No sad backstory?" tanong nito, at napakunot lang ang noo ni Baekhyun. Kailangan ba meron? Natawa tuloy si Chanyeol. Halatang-halata siguro sa mukha niya ang pagtataka niya. "Joke lang 'yun! That's nice then. You get to write about something you like. Oh! Naalala ko bigla. How do you usually do your art? I'm not sure if my question makes sense, pero kasi naalala ko lang bigla na may pinakita sa akin si Kyungsoo, 'yung ka-department ko na fan ng work mo, na panel from one of your updates, and it's just one panel, but wow. Ang galing. I absolutely love the details. I’m a sucker for it. How do you do it? May reference ka ba or something? Sorry, ang dami kong tanong ha. I'm just a very curious person."

Siguro kung ibang tao 'to, baka nahirapan na siyang sundan ang sinasabi nito. Ang dami kasi. But since this is The Chanyeol Park, ang happy crush niya for three years, he pays way too much attention on him, kaya kahit sobrang bilis pa nito magsalita at napakatindi ng thought process, hindi siya nag-space out along the way.

“I… uh… I just read a lot of BL and consume other types of media for plot ideas… nothing too special…”

“Lots of BL? Like what? I’m looking for recommendations.”

Ang hirap naman sumagot dito. Palaging may follow up question. But he supposes ganun talaga kung sanay makipag-usap ang tao. At least, nagpapatuloy ang usapan kasi if ever na hindi ganito si Chanyeol, baka kanina pa sila sobrang tahimik dito at napanis na siguro ang laway nila.

“Um…”

‘Yun nga lang, hindi niya alam kung paano sagutin ang tanong niya. He doesn’t know what kind of stories does Chanyeol like. Some (read: most) of the stories that he read are too… explicit and he’s not sure if Chanyeol is comfortable with those kinds of stories. Maybe he should just mention the popular ones? Wholesome ones? Paano ba ‘to sasagutin nang hindi siya najujudge sa preferences niya?

Mukha namang napansin ni Chanyeol ang hesitations niya, because then he says, “There’s no need to worry about my preferences. I’ve already read a lot of BL as well, from wholesome to explicit ones. Mostly kasi nirerecommend ‘yun sa akin, but there are also those that I found on my own. Like, for example, ‘yung Semantic Error? I watched the live action of it and I got curious about the story, then I also watched Cherry Blossoms After Winter, so binasa ko rin story niya. I also watched Cherry Magic! I liked the little details there. It’s very satisfying for me as someone who likes to pay attention to details. I also read some short stories… maybe next time I should list all of those that I’ve read… wait, I think you know more than I do. Familiar ka naman siguro sa sinabi ko, right?”

Ah. The well-known ones then.

Hindi naman mapigilan ni Baekhyun ang mapangiti nang marinig ang mga sinasabi nito. Of course, pamilyar siya sa mga nabanggit ni Chanyeol. Naging unexpected lang for Baekhyun. It’s just so nice to hear someone talk about it so openly at sinasabi pa niya kung anong nagustuhan niya. It says a lot about how Chanyeol really pays attention to what he reads. 

Plus, it’s nice to know that they have similar interests. Hindi niya inaasahan na nakapagbasa na pala ito ng BL. He's happy to know that he reads whatever is recommended to him o kaya kung anong makikita niya at makakakuha ng interes niya, just out of curiosity.

“Yes, I am familiar… um… I can give you some recommendations if you want to read some more…”

“Really!? Wait. I’ll give you my number.  We can exchange some recommendations. Although for me, iba-iba kasi nirerecommend ko. I like slice of life and romance, but really, any interesting for me would do. Okay lang ba if may mga recommendation din ako na hindi BL?”

“O-Of course…” sagot ni Baekhyun. “If slice of life and romance ang gusto mo, may list ako for it… not just BL ones… gusto ko rin kasi ‘yun…”

“Really!? That’s great! Gusto ko ‘yan makita,” tuwang-tuwa na sabi ni Chanyeol. “I’m just curious, pero does that mean you also categorize ‘yung mga binabasa mo into different genres?”

“Y-Yes…” nahihiya niyang sagot. “Mas madali kasi mahahanap kung naka-by genre siya…”

“Right!? Oh my gosh! Same! Bilib na bilib sila kapag nakikita nila na naka-categorize ‘yung akin kasi ang tyaga ko naman daw, but it’s so satisfying to do that. Plus, kapag may certain craving ako, like ‘yung biglang trip ko basahin at ireread, I can just easily look at my list, and then boom! Nahanap ko na—teka. ‘Yung number mo pala!”

Inabot ni Chanyeol ang phone niya at saglit siyang napatitig dito bago maingat na kinuha ito at tinype ang number niya.

Parang ang dami nangyayari. He was able to talk to his happy crush, makilala siya, find out that they have some similarities, and now… makukuha niya pa ang number niya?

Oh my god.

This is too much for his heart.

“Here…” sabi ni Baekhyun at binalik ang phone kay Chanyeol.

Tinignan niya muna ang nilagay ni Baekhyun sa phone at saka napangiti bago niya ito binulsa at nagpatuloy na naman sa pagsasalita.

“Great! I have a lot of recommendations. Anime, manga, live action, movie… oh god. I have a lot! I’m so glad I got to talk to you! Usually, when I start talking about these things people already tune me out kasi I get too excited, and to think that we’re in a publishing company, so of course I will be excited to share all of those that I’ve read… but I’m glad that I have a new friend that has the same interests.”

Tumatango lang si Baekhyun habang pinapakinggan siyang excited na i-express ang tuwa niya na may nakausap siya for today. Kahit na ang hirap tapatan ng energy nito, parang kahit siy ay nadadala na lang din. 

“We should do this again some other time. In a different cafe. And of course, not at 3 AM naman kahit na sabi ko you'd be like my 3 AM buddy. That’s going to be bad for our health. Maybe after work. Oooh. Maybe restau or cafe recos din pwede. You should tell me if may makita ka that you’d like to try. I’m open to anything—sorry, ang FC ko pala ‘no?”

Nahihiyang natawa si Baekhyun at umiling. “No, you’re just… friendly and excited with the things that you like, I guess…”

“You said it so nicely,” Chanyeol said and giggled. “You’re such an interesting person. I feel like we have a lot of similarities. How come I only met you now? Gaano ka na ulit katagal sa S&P?”

“Five years…” tapos three years nun, happy crush kita, naisip ni Baekhyun.

Chanyeol gasped. “And you’ve been working on Bound ever since, diba?”

Baekhyun shyly scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, it’s been a while. Malapit na rin siya matapos.”

“Oh my god. Then I really have to read it soon! Gusto ko makasabay kahit at least sa may dulo lang,” excited na sabi ni Chanyeol and by now, Baekhyun knows na kahit sabihin niyang ‘wag na, mukhang walang pakakapigil kay Chanyeol. Nagulat na lang siya nang bigla nito tinanong, “How do you feel about it?”

Napakunot ang noo ni Baekhyun sa narinig. “Huh?”

“About Bound nearing its end,” pag-clarify ni Chanyeol. “See I also handle artists, of course, and most of the time, there is this feeling for them of having a hard time to let go of their stories, especially those na matagal na nila ginagawa. For you, five years is no joke. I’m sure you’re also attached to your characters and the world you gave them. Araw-araw sila ang kasama mo. You’ve been working on it diligently. How do you feel about it ending soon?”

Hindi naman inaasahan ni Baekhyun ang tanong na ‘yon. Wala naman kasi nagtatanong sa kanya about it. Kahit si Sehun, hindi ‘yun natatanong, and he can’t blame him dahil napepressure din ang lalaki when it comes to deadlines, so most of the time, puro ‘yun ang pinag-uusapan nila, besides other casual talks or rants. Wala rin siya masabihan about his whole process of doing Bound and what he feels, so this is new to him.

Baekhyun thinks about his answer first. Since hindi naman ito naoopen sa kanya, parang hindi niya naconsider ang feeling na ‘yun, but now that this has been given to him, saka na lang siya napaisip tungkol sa nararamdaman niya about it.

“You don’t have to answer it if it’s too much,” pahabol ni Chanyeol.

Agad naman napailing si Baekhyun. “It’s not too much… sadyang hindi ko pa lang siya napag-isipan.”

“Really? So, hindi mo nafeel na masyado ka nang attached sa kanila? ‘Yung small crisis about the idea of all of it ending?”

Has he? Nakaramdam na ba siya ng ganun?

Pilit niyang binabalikan ang mga naranasan niya nitong nakaraang araw habang pilit na sinusunod ang timeline nila. Most of the time, it’s those dates that’s making him move kaya hindi na niya masyadong napag-iisipan, but if he thinks about it carefully, may mga pagkakataon talaga na nasstuck siya sa kung ano ang susunod niyang gagawin. Sometimes, he’d stare at his characters, the world they’re living in, and wonder if nasa tamang landas ba sila. Kung may kulang pa ba, kung kailangan pa ba niya habaan dahil baka hindi pa okay ang lahat para sa kanya o kaya sa mga nagbabasa.

But sometimes, he thinks about a different world. A different story. And that would make him think na he should really wrap up their world and start a new one. There’s no other way.

“Well… of course I feel attached to them. Sila ang una kong ginawa and they’ve received a lot of love, all unexpected ones. I guess there’s a part of me that’s having a hard time to let go of them, like I want to prolong or maybe add some more, but at the same time, parang masyado ko na pinapatagal ang kwento nila. Ayaw ko na sila mag-suffer pa. For me, when it comes to writing and art, even if I don’t want to be attached to the story, hindi naman ‘yun maiiwasan. I’ve come into terms that I have to accept that it will end soon and I have to wrap it up. I have to focus on giving them an ending that they deserve. I think it also helps that I’m already looking forward to starting a new series, so gusto ko na siya matapos so I can introduce something new.”

Parang ‘yun na ang pinaka-mahabang nasabi ni Baekhyun sa isang tao, and he was kind of worried na baka hindi naman pala interesado si Chanyeol na malaman ‘yon, but when he looked at Chanyeol, he was just smiling at him, obviously listening to every word that he said.

“That’s a nice perspective. I’m glad because that means that you get to continue writing without suddenly dreading it just because it’s ending. It’s also nice to hear that you already have plans for a new story. Some artists have a hard time creating a new one, like a writer’s block, after wrapping up one story or parang nag-aalala sila that others won’t like as compared to your first work. Do you also feel that way?”

Grabe. Napapaisip siya sa mga tanong nito.

Parang kanina lang, they’re talking about genres, recommendations, and other things, pero ngayon, parang nagkaroon ng katawan ang 3 AM thoughts niya in the form of Chanyeol na ngayon ay hindi na lang niya maiwasan na isipin ang mga bagay na isinasantabi lang naman niya sa umaga.

“Uh… I love writing, drawing, and showing what’s in my mind to make my own world work, and I really find joy in it. I think hindi naman mawawala ‘yung worry na baka hindi magustuhan or macompare siya sa Bound or any other work , but for me, what’s important is that I like what I’m doing. Tinatak ko na noon pa sa isip ko na not everyone has the same cup of tea, so for me to continue introducing a new world, I have to always be the first one to like what I’m doing to keep going. Just me liking it is already good enough for me.”

Chanyeol still had that smile on his face, and Baekhyun realizes who he was talking to. Technically, he's still his superior, and this is still business that they’re talking about kaya agad niyang dinagdagan ang sinabi niya, out of fear na baka mali na may ganun siyang perspective.

"Um, I mean, of course, nagmamatter din naman if papatok siya sa iba and I also think about ways on how it will be appealing to people. I know it's important for publishing companies to have their stories sell or else pwedeng macancel 'yung production nung story or mapapaiksi siya, and I can imagine how discouraging that might be, kahit ako iniisip ko pa lang eh, masakit na, but what I just meant a while ago was that, I, um... I think it's important to like what you're doing still... and find satisfaction in it..."

Agad na umiling si Chanyeol, still with that friendly smile on his face. “No, it's okay. I get you. There are a lot of stories that have a lot of potential, but others seem to not like it, so it’s no secret that there’s a risk that you have to take in everything that you do or write.”

Nakahinga naman nang maluwag si Baekhyun nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Okay, good. Hindi siya naoffend or anything. Hindi pa siya mawawalan ng platform to post all of his future works. 

“For someone who has the number one sales in S&P, I’m glad that you have that kind of perspective,” sabi pa ni Chanyeol. “It can be pressuring kasi if ever you start minding all those numbers, sales, and the like. Hindi naman din ‘yun maiiwasan. Parte na ng trabaho ‘yan eh. I can’t blame people who worry about those. It’s just nice to know someone like you. I can see that you really like what you’re doing. I understand the feeling, honestly, as someone that, I guess, has been labeled as passionate when it comes to words, worlds, and stories. I’m glad to see someone who has the same love for it.”

Lalo lang nahiya si Baekhyun nang marinig ang sinabi nito, especially since all of these came from a person whom he admired silently for quite some time. It honestly feels so surreal that he managed to talk to Chanyeol like this.

Mukhang may sasabihin pa sana si Chanyeol, but his phone chimes kaya agad siyang napatingin doon. Baekhyun notices the way he frowns before he types something at binulsa ang phone niya. When he looks up at him again, he smiles, but it’s not the same as before.

Parang may bahid ng… lungkot at pagod…?

O baka inaassume niya lang. Ni hindi pa naman sila ganun katagal na magkakilala for him to know what every expression on his face implies.

“Sorry, I wanted us to talk some more, but I kind of… need to go,” Chanyeol said and he really looked guilty. 

Baekhyun shakes his hand and swallows the disappointment that he felt upon realizing that this is about to end. “N-No, it’s okay. Anong oras na rin naman.”

Saka lang napatingin sa orasan si Chanyeol. “Oh, you’re right. Hindi ko napansin oras. Sorry, I got too excited. Nadamay pa kita. You must be tired.”

“It’s okay…”

“Ingat ka pauwi, okay? I’ll also remember to text you some of my recommendations, and I swear, we’ll see each other again.”

Tumango lang si Baekhyun at nag-ayos na ng gamit niya. Sabay silang lumabas ng cafe and before Chanyeol left, tinapik pa muna siya nito sa braso before giving him a wave. “It’s nice meeting you, Baekhyun. See you around. Ingat ka.”

“Ingat ka rin…” mahinang sagot niya.

Pinanood niyang tumawid si Chanyeol, most likely ay kukunin ang kotse niya, and Baekhyun just sighs and quietly walks to the other way.

On his way home, paulit-ulit ang nangyari sa utak niya, pinoprocess ang lahat ng ito. It’s actually a good night, and he’s glad that he got to talk to Chanyeol and experience firsthand how energetic, friendly, and passionate Chanyeol may be. Nakakatuwa na may nakausap siya about the things that he likes, and to know that he and Chanyeol have a lot of similarities.

But while it was good, nagsisink in na sa utak niya ang lahat ng nangyari. Parang sobra siyang na-carried away and all throughout the night, sobrang nadala siya sa nararamdaman niya that he just let himself be that… vulnerable in front of someone that he admires.

Baekhyun couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Parang nag-overshare siya. What if, kaya lang naman pala umalis si Chanyeol ay dahil hindi na niya alam sasabihin kay Baekhyun? Did he kill the mood when he got too serious in answering his questions? Or did he share too much? Oo nga, he kept getting shy at him when they were talking about their interests, but still… parang ito na ang closest that he’s ever been to someone (besides Sehun na katrabaho niya). Hindi pa man din siya sanay na makipag-usap sa iba, especially when it comes to personal stuff.

What if, hindi naman pala talaga siya open sa mga recommendations niya? What if, kaya lang naging ganun ay dahil mabait si Chanyeol and all he wanted was to be civil and respectful enough sa interests niya? Yes, Chanyeol may have appeared to be enthusiastic, curious, and excited, pero hindi niya maiwasan na maisip ‘yon.

No, that can’t be. Hindi naman siguro. Hindi naman ganung klaseng tao si Chanyeol. He didn’t like that he shared a little bit too much about himself and his love for his career, but… looking back, at some point, naramdaman niya na mapagkakatiwalaan si Chanyeol.

Napagod lang siguro siya.

Somehow, thinking about all of those, he feels… drained. Nakakapagod makipag-usap. Ang bilis pa man din ma-drain ng social battery niya, kaya as much as possible, he doesn’t interact much with others at hindi siya masyadong nakikipag-kaibigan kahit sa S&P.

And while it was draining at iniisip niya ngayon na baka napasobra siya ng mga sinabi, he also thinks that it’s not anything bad naman. Especially since he liked Chanyeol’s company.

Baekhyun doesn’t want to hope that there will be a next time, pero he knows na niloloko niya lang sarili niya.

Kasi there is a part of him that’s expecting na makakausap niya ulit si Chanyeol at mas makikilala pa.

But he tries to keep his expectations low. Besides how scared he was that he overshared at hindi niya nacocontrol ang sarili whenever Chanyeol is there, ayaw niya rin naman ma-disappoint kung sakaling hindi na niya makausap ulit si Chanyeol.

Baka maisip niya pa that Chanyeol was just being nice the whole night, and not really sincere about being friends.

That would absolutely crush him and whatever impression that he had about Chanyeol.

Tinatak na lang ni Baekhyun sa utak niya na dapat hindi siya masyado mag-expect para hindi siya ma-disappoint. 

That’s how it is to avoid any kind of pain.

But it turns out that Chanyeol really was serious about sending his recommendations and talking again about random things.

It was overwhelming at first. Of course, anyone na nakakausap ang happy crush nila would feel that way. Plus, hindi rin naman siya sanay na madalas na may nakakausap sa phone niya.

Pero ngayon, he’s looking forward to it.

In the same way na parang pakiramdam ni Baekhyun noon na hindi kumpleto ang araw niya kapag hindi niya nasusulyapan si Chanyeol, ngayon, parang hindi na kumpleto ang araw niya kapag hindi niya nakakausap si Chanyeol. 

Hindi naman naiwasan ni Baekhyun ang mapangiti nang umilaw na naman bigla ang cellphone niya. Agad naalis ang tingin niya sa screen. Usually, hindi naman niya pinapansin ang pag-ilaw ng phone niya (which is easy to do dahil hindi naman siya madalas na umiilaw) kasi ayaw niya nasisira ang focus niya. Pakiramdam niya, kung titigil siya, nawawala na ang momentum niya.

But lately, he just can’t help it.

Lalo na if kahit na hindi niya naiiwasan na mapatingin, he’s been more inspired and motivated than ever to finish his work. 

Baekhyun picks up his phone and reads the messages that he just received from one person.

The more that he talks to Chanyeol, the more that he sees so many similarities between them. Mapa-songs, movies, TV series, and even food, parang enjoy na enjoy silang pag-usapan. Chanyeol often gives Baekhyun recommendations at the most random times. Parang kapag may naiisipan itong marecommend, si Baekhyun ang una niyang sasabihan, and of course, agad na ichecheck ni Baekhyun ‘yun bago siya mag-send ng thoughts and recommendations niya.

At first, he’s hesitant about this whole thing. Hindi naman kasi siya sanay na madalas na may kausap. Baekhyun's most of the time in his own bubble and no one was willing to pop that… except for Chanyeol.

Hindi alam ni Baekhyun kung paano niya nagagawa, but Chanyeol just has his way of making you pay attention to what he was saying, for you to listen to him and talk, at susubukan na i-match ang energy niya. He never expected na magiging ganito siya, but iba rin siguro talaga ang nagagawa ng happy crush sa kanya.

Ni hindi nga niya inaasahan na darating ang araw that he’d have plans after work bukod pa sa magpahinga or maghanap ng kung anong series na pwede mapanood.

But here he was, making plans for dinner dahil may bago na namang restaurant na gustong i-try si Chanyeol at siya ang unang nahatak nito.

(Willing din naman siya magpahatak.)

Baekhyun types in his reply bago ni-lock ang phone at ibinalik na ang tingin sa screen para matapos niya na agad ang natitirang panel na kailangan niyang gawin.

He can’t wait for his work day to end.

Pagkalabas pa lang niya ng building, una niya agad na nakita si Chanyeol, nakaupo lang sa may bench, nakakunot ang noo habang nakatingin sa phone niya, mabilis na nagpipindot doon. He doesn’t get to think about it that much dahil sakto ring nagkasalubong ang mga tingin nila nung umangat ang tingin niya mula sa phone niya at agad na tumayo si Chanyeol para kumaway sa kanya with his usual wide smile.

Hindi naman maiwasan ni Baekhyun ang mapangiti nang makita ‘yon.

He’s getting used to this scene.

Mas madalas kasi na nauuna si Chanyeol sa kanya na makalabas, mostly because mas madalas din naman talaga siyang nasa labas at may mga ka-meeting, kaya nasasaktuhan na kapag tapos na si Baekhyun, nasa labas na si Chanyeol.

Or maybe, sinasadya ni Baekhyun na matapos at the time na alam niyang tapos na si Chanyeol para makasabay niya siya.

Agad na lumapit si Baekhyun kay Chanyeol. He watched him put his phone inside his pocket bago kinuha ang bag niya mula sa bench.

“Hey, sorry… kanina ka pa?” tanong ni Baekhyun nang makalapit na sa kanya.

“Hindi naman. Babalik pa dapat ako sa loob ng building since may kukunin sana ako na documents, pero nadala na nung isa kong ka-department at inabot sa akin kanina kaya nakisuyo na rin ako sa kanya ng ipapasa, so… naghintay na lang ako dito,” sagot ni Chanyeol at sinabayan na si Baekhyun sa paglalakad palabas ng building nila. This time, si Baekhyun ang masusunod sa kung saan nila gusto pumunta. G lang naman si Chanyeol. “Natapos mo papasa mo? Ang aga ha.”

Natawa si Baekhyun sa sinabi nito. “Yes, I was able to finish it. Is it that surprising? Ganyan din reaksyon ni Sehun.”

Pinigilan pa siya ni Sehun umalis agad kanina, suspicious dahil maaga niya natapos ngayon kaysa ‘yung usual na halos madaling araw niya na napapasa lahat. He even pointed out na mukhang excited siya at punong-puno pa ng energy, like he’s looking forward to something after work and not just go home, which is very different from his usual. Natawa lang siya sa kanya tapos nagawa pang lokohin na, “Ayaw mo ‘yun? Bawas sakit ng ulo,” na agree naman si Sehun at hindi na masyadong nagtanong pa.

Hindi rin naman masasabi ni Baekhyun na kaya siya mabilis nakakagawa ngayon ay dahil… inspired siya. Edi magtatanong ‘yun at baka puro asar lang ang makuha niya.

Tsaka paano naman niya sasabihin na kaya ganito ay dahil gusto niyang makasama si Chanyeol? Na hindi siya uwing-uwi ngayon dahil he ends some of his days with Chanyeol?

“A little,” natatawang sagot ni Chanyeol. “Being an editor myself… nasanay yata ako na masyado kong kinukulit mga handle ko.”

“Well… ganun din naman si Sehun most of the time. Just not this time,” Baekhyun said and giggled.

Baekhyun continued leading the way. Nagtaka lang siya kung bakit biglang natahimik ang kasama niya which was quite unusual, given how talkative Chanyeol can be, kaya napatingin siya sa kanya at nahuli niya itong nakatingin lang sa kanya with a small smile on his face.

Hindi naman makakaila ni Baekhyun ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso niya nang makita ang atensyong binibigay ni Chanyeol sa kanya.

This one, however, he’s not used to this.

Parang hindi siya masasanay sa ganitong pakiramdam.

And it’s making him feel too much.

This kind of attention from someone that he’s been admiring for so long and someone na mula sa malayo niya lang nakikita, na akala niya never niya makakausap kahit kailan, is just… overwhelming.

He used to observe him smile at other people. For him to look at them in the eye, and have conversations, and even then, he always found it cute.

Kaya ngayong siya ang nasa receiving end nito… kahit na ilang beses naman na sila nagkakausap at nagkakasama… nag-iinit pa rin ang pisngi niya.

There’s just something about his eyes and the way he looks at people… para siyang nalulunod kapag nakikita niya ito.

Baekhyun clears his throat and looks away. Kalma ka lang, self. With a small and shaky voice, he asks, “B-Bakit?”

Chanyeol hums. “I just noticed that you’re now more… comfortable around me. Hindi ka na masyado nauutal or mahina ang boses and you’re laughing even more now.”

Hindi naman alam ni Baekhyun ang masasagot niya doon. Ni hindi siya makatingin kaay Chanyeeol. Nagulat na lang siya nang biglang may pumisil ng pisngi niya kaya napahawak siya doon at napatingin sa katabi niyang nakangiti lang at saka sinabi, “That’s a good thing. Baka mamaya naging uncomfortable ka dahil napoint out ko.”

“N-No…” sagot ni Baekhyun at napaiwas ulit ng tingin, masyado na namang mabilis ang tibok ng puso dahil sa ginawa ni Chanyeol. “T-Tara na nga! Kung ano-ano sinasabi mo!”

Nagmamadali namang maglakad si Baekhyun papunta sa café na nahanap niya with Chanyeol just laughing behind him, easily catching up to him.

“So, kaya pala…” biglang sabi ni Sehun.

Baekhyun didn’t spare him a glance. Nanatili lang ang tingin niya sa computer niya, zooming in to one of his characters para mas maayos pa ang pag-illustrate niya. He needs this to be perfect at sure na nandun ang details. Mahalaga pa naman ‘yun sa Bound.

Naalis lang ang tingin niya sa screen nang tinapat ni Sehun ang phone niya sa may harap niya, covering his computer screen, at ang nakita niya ay isang notification from Chanyeol. Hindi niya na nabasa ang message dahil nilayo ulit ito ni Sehun. Nang mapatingin siya sa editor na ngayon ay nakangisi habang hawak ang phone niya.

“Si Chanyeol pala ang kasama…”

Napatayo na si Baekhyun sa pwesto niya at sinubukan kunin ang phone niya pero tinaas lang ‘yun ni Sehun.

“Sehun naman!”

Tumawa lang si Sehun at umiling. “I thought you said no office romance? Ayaw mo ‘yun, sabi mo? That it’s your rule to yourself?”

“Sehun! Isa!” pagbabanta niya. “I’ll submit this late, sige ka. Ikaw ang masestress.”

“Edi hindi kayo natuloy ni Chanyeol sa lakad niyo?” pang-aasar ni Sehun. “Saan kasi? Ah, sa The Hidden Corner? Nonood kayo habang nagkakape?”

Tumingkayad si Baekhyun para mahablot ang phone niya. Success naman kaya agad niya itong binulsa at binigyan muna ng isang masamang tingin si Sehun bago bumalik sa pwesto niya.

“Nakakatampo. Hindi ka nagkukwento,” sabi pa ni Sehun at nilipat pa ang isang upuan sa may tabi niya pagkatapos ay pinoke ang pisngi niya. “I told you, magugustuhan mo siya.”

“Tigilan mo ako, Sehun,” pag-iwas niya sa pag-aasar ng editor. “Nagtatrabaho ako rito.”

Hindi naman nito pinansin ang sinabi niya. “Kailan pa?”

Syempre, hindi sinagot ni Baekhyun ang tanong niya. Hindi niya rin naman alam kung paano sasagutin ‘yon. Hindi siya sigurado if he’s pertaining sa kung kailan pa sila naghahang out ni Chanyeol or kung kailan pa niya gusto si Chanyeol.

Hindi naman niya kayang sabihin ‘yung pangalawa. Edi nalaman niya, for three years, tinatago niya na happy crush niya si Chanyeol.

“Bakit ayaw mo sagutin? If you guys are dating, wala naman masama—”

“We’re not,” agad na sabi ni Baekhyun. “We’re not… dating.”

Agad na tinanggal ni Baekhyun sa isip niya ang ideya na nagdedate sila ni Chanyeol. That they are in that kind of status already. Hindi siya pwedeng kiligin sa harap ni Sehun nor should he even entertain that thought, kahit na aminado siya na sa bawat pagkakataon na nagsasama sila ni Chanyeol, pumapasok sa isip niya ‘yon and that he finds himself wishing that… it was true.

Malala na ‘yon.

“Really?” tanong ni Sehun at napataas pa ang isang kilay. “But you’ve been going out for quite some time. If siya ‘yung kasama mo sa bawat pagkakataon na ang aga mo matapos… well, earlier than usual, I mean, but gets? It’s been a while and mukhang ang dalas niyo rin nagkakausap. Isn’t this the… getting to know phase?”

Itong Sehun na ‘to, dinadagdagan pa iniisip niya. “N-No, it’s not like that. We’re just… friends who hang out. You can even ask Chanyeol about it…”

This time, it was Sehun who didn’t answer kaya napatingin siya sa kanya. Nakatingin lang ito sa kanya, parang binabasa ang kung anong nasa mukha niya. Hindi niya tuloy maiwasan ang maconscious dahil dito.

“W-What?” tanong niya nang hindi pa rin naaalis ang tingin nito sa kanya.

“Pero you’ve been thinking about it, ‘no?” tanong ni Sehun na nagpakunot ng noo niya. “Dating him, I mean. You’ve been thinking about dating him, pero pinipigilan mo. Your face says it all.”

Napaiwas ulit ng tingin si Baekhyun. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. Idedeny pa eh,” sabi ni Sehun at napabuntong-hininga lang si Baekhyun, wala nang sinabi dahil kahit naman i-deny niya, alam niya sa sarili niyang tama si Sehun. “I think it’s nice.”

“H-Huh?”

“It’s nice that you’re feeling this way. Siguro kasi nakikita kong mas madalas ka good mood tsaka hindi mo masyado sinusubsob sarili mo sa trabaho. You’re looking forward to something other than work. Something good, something fun, and I know you have fun with your work, but I’m talking about a different kind of fun. Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me, but why stop yourself from feeling that way when it’s obviously making you feel better?” sabi nito, and Baekhyun was just listening to him intently. Then Sehun suddenly winks. “Plus, malay mo naman may pag-asa, so go, diba. Alam mo ba, ni hindi naman ‘yan ganun kadali maka-close ‘yan si Chanyeol. Yes, marami siya nakakausap, but hindi lahat nakakasama nyan outside work. Or so that’s what others say, and that’s something, diba? So, go, take your chances.”

He doesn’t even want to think about the idea na may pag-asa siya. Kasi talagang aasa siya the moment he entertains that thought.

“Kung ano-ano sinasabi mo.”

Tinusok ni Sehun ang tagiliran niya. “Uy, pero pag-iisipan niya mga sinabi ko.”

Napailing na lang si Baekhyun at tinuon na lang ulit ang atensyon sa ginagawa niya.

Hindi na niya sinagot ang editor, kasi again, tama naman siya… talagang pag-iisipan niya ang lahat ng ‘yan.

“I was gonna watch Kieta Hatsukoi at home since nirecommend mo and I finally have a little bit of time, but I didn’t know they allow series to be played here. Akala ko movies lang!”

Ngumiti lang si Baekhyun sa narinig, masyadong maraming iniisip na hindi na niya magawang mag-focus sa pinapnood. Kahit ngayong katabi niya si Chanyeol, halatang natutuwa sa pinapanood, ay hindi pa rin mawala sa isip niya ang sinabi ni Sehun.

“Alam mo ba, ni hindi naman ‘yan ganun kadali maka-close ‘yan si Chanyeol. Yes, marami siya nakakausap, but hindi lahat nakakasama nyan outside work…” naalala niyang sabi ni Sehun.

Inalala niya kung may mga kasama ba itong si Chanyeol after work, pero mukhang dahil sa sobrang late nito natatapos, hindi niya ‘yun nagagawa.  He can’t say for sure dahil hindi naman niya ‘yun naoobserbahan masyado, but every time na may pagkakataon na makasalubong niya si Chanyeol sa may labas ng work, mukhang paalis lang ito ng building at walang ibang kasabay.

Ngayon lang, nung nakilala niya si Baekhyun.

He can’t help feeling… special because of that. As if it’s something to be proud of na nagagawa niya itong bagay na sure siyang gugustuhin na maranasan ng iba.

“Is this live action close to the manga? I’d—” napatigil ito sa pagbulong nang lumingon si Chanyeol sa kanya. “Are you okay? Bakit parang tulala ka? Is there something on my face?”

Agad naman napaiwas ng tingin si Baekhyun. Nahuli pa nga. “N-No… may naisip lang… um… oo, close to the manga siya.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” tanong ni Chanyeol and Baekhyun can only nod, trying to calm himself down dahil bumibilis na naman tibok ng puso niya just because of how caring Chanyeol sounds like. Nakatingin pa naman ito sa kany ngayon. Baka mapansin na namumula na siya. “Sure ha? If may gusto ka pa bilhin na food, tell me. Ako na bibili for you.”

Umiling lang si Baekhyun, pinipigilan na mapangiti dahil sa sinabi nito. Kinikilig siya, sorry naman. “Just watch.”

“Fine,” sagot ni Chanyeol, dropping the topic already, and going back to their previous one. “Once I finish this, babasahin ko na rin ‘yung manga. I like watching live actions even though there are times na hindi siya close to the story itself, but I trust you. Sabi mo close to the manga siya ha. Oh! Which reminds me, hindi ba magshoshowing na ‘yung sa live action ng Re:Do soon?”

“Oo, next week…” sagot niya, but nastuck na ata sa utak niya ‘yung I trust you na sinabi ni Chanyeol.

Alam naman niya na tinutukoy lang nito ay ‘yung sa tiwala niya na maganda ang kung ano mang nirerecommend niya, but the idea that Chanyeol trusts him makes him feel so happy. Ayaw niyang isipin that he’s one of the few people that Chanyeol trusts like this, pero hindi niya rin naman mapigilan na isipin ‘yon.

“That soon!?” excited na tanong ni Chanyeol. “I can’t wait to watch it! I have high expectations for it. It’s one of my favorites now eh. Salamat kasi inintroduce mo sa akin ‘yun, Baekhyun.”

“I-It’s not a big deal…”

“It is, for me! Ikaw lang naman friend ko na willing magbigay ng recommendations sa akin and makinig sa lahat ng interes ko. I’m so glad that I have a friend like you.”

Halatang-halata ang tuwa nito. Kitang-kita niya iyon sa mata ni Chanyeol, with the way he was looking at Baekhyun, and it’s hard to calm himself down when he keeps thinking about how he’s the reason for Chanyeol’s happiness and how he wants to continue being the reason for it.

He wants to be part of Chanyeol’s life and not just as a friend.

He knows that this train of thought is dangerous. Hindi na ito thoughts na meron siya for someone na happy crush lang naman niya.

Nararamdaman niya… na sa bawat pagkakataon na makakasama niya si Chanyeol, sa tuwing mararamdaman niya ang pag-aalala nito sa kanya, kapag nakikita niya ang mga tingin nito… every single time that Chanyeol will give him some time… unti-unti siyang nahuhulog. Sa tuwing nagsasama sila, pumapasok sa isip niya ang possibility na baka may chance. That he’s special, and maybe, kaya Chanyeol likes spending time with him is because he’s also interested in him.

His mind is making him think about all of these things at mas lalo lang siya nahuhulog, umaasa.

At nakakatakot ‘yun.

But it’s just hard not to fall for someone like Chanyeol.

It’s a nice feeling. It’s something na matagal na nung huli niyang maramdaman.

And siguro, tama nga si Sehun. Why stop himself from feeling this way when it’s obviously something that’s making him feel better?

These past few weeks have been different, and he’d like to believe that it’s in a good way. Even though he’s been adjusting, getting out of his comfort zone, just so he can spend some time with Chanyeol, he can’t say that he dislikes it.

And it’s all because of Chanyeol.

So it can’t be that bad to feel this way, right?

For him to hope for something that is against his rule for himself?

 Chanyeol looks at him, may maliit na ngiti sa labi. “What’s up?”

Umiling lang si Baekhyun. “Nothing… I just realized something…”

“Ano naman? That I’m an amazing friend?”

“You can say that…” natatawang sabi ni Baekhyun.

Kung alam mo lang.

“Naks! You flatter me!” natatawang sagot ni Chanyeol at tinusok pa ang tagiliran niya. “I guess I really am a good company.”

Napangiti si Baekhyun. “You’re right.”

You have no idea how right you are.

Baekhyun was just scrolling through his phone, reading some comments left by his readers sa Twitter niya, but napatigil siya nang may makita siya sa timeline niya na balita. He curiously looked at the photo and smiles when realized what it was.

The poster for Re:Do.

Nabanggit na ni Chanyeol noon na gusto niya ‘yon mapanood. Kaka-message nga lang about it eh.

Malapit na nga pala showing nito.

He clicks the link that redirects him to the site where he can buy tickets. Tinignan niya lang ito, Re:Do, and briefly reads the synopsis of it kahit na alam naman na niya ang kwento nito. It’s a time traveling story and most of the characters suffer the consequences of their actions because of altering the past. He really liked this story, and he felt like it’s something that Chanyeol would like as well kaya nirecommend niya ito sa kanya noon.

Pwede na mag-reserve ng tickets for it at hindi naman naiwasan ni Baekhyun ang mapaisip kung ano kaya feeling na manood ng sine kasama si Chanyeol, how different would it be compared sa pagnood nila sa isang café, like a movie da— no.

Not like that.

He convinces himself na kaya lang niya ‘yun naisip ay dahil curious siya sa maagiging reaksyon ni Chanyeol. Sa tuwing amazed na amazed ito o may kinukwento, sobrang expressive niyang tao, and if… if… nanood siya ng sine kasama siya, Baekhyun’s sure, besides the story and the movie itself, magiging interesado rin siya sa bawat expression na makikita niya sa mukha ni Chanyeol, as well as his little mumbles and side comments.

That would be so nice to see.

He considers buying tickets… both for him and for Chanyeol.

Inulit-ulit niya sa utak niya na ginagawa niya lang ‘to not because he wants this to be a date, but because… he wants to hang out with his friend.

Friend na gusto niya not in a platonic way.

He slightly hesitates, thinking if it’s too much if he buys a ticket. Never pa naman niya kasi ito ginagawa. Madalas naman, kung may gusto siyang panoorin, either mag-isa or hihintayin niya na lang online.

But when he thinks about how excited Chanyeol was and how he’s been looking forward to it, and the idea of having to spend time with him and see all of his reactions to something he’s sure na ikatutuwa niya, to hell with it. With shaking hands, he purchases two tickets, one for him and one for Chanyeol.

He did it.

Bumili talaga siya ng ticket para sa kanilang dalawa.

It’s not too much, right?

After all, Chanyeol wants to watch it. Kahit siya.

It wouldn’t be too weird if he treats him to a movie. Madalas din naman siyang nililibre ni Chanyeol, so he can think of it as just a way of repaying him.

Even though it feels like he’s going to ask him for a date… lalo na after his realizations about his feelings.

Of course he’s going to think that way.

He shakes the idea of this feeling like it’s a date. He needs to stop thinking about it being a date, something different from what they usually do. Parang hindi kakayanin ng puso ni Baekhyun ‘yon. Nag-iinit agad ang pisngi niya at that thought. 

Inisip na lang niya kung paano sasabihin kay Chanyeol na bumili siya ng tickets for them.

Buti na lang din at kakamention lang ni Chanyeol tungkol sa tickets, so it wouldn’t be too weird to ask him about it.

He opens their conversation, at kahit kinakabahan, sinubukan niyang mag-compose ng message para maaya siya. Panay bura siya ng sasabihin, kasi pakiramdam niya, ang mali pakinggan. 

So when he finds the right words to say, he immediately sends the message.

Wala nang atrasan. He can’t unsend it anymore.

And now, he waits for his reply.

Sigurado siyang matutuwa si Chanyeol and he can already imagine ang sunod-sunod na messages na matatanggap niya mula sa kanya.

But a few minutes have passed, wala pa rin siyang natatanggap na reply mula sa kanya. That’s weird. Mabilis mag-reply si Chanyeol especially on things that he’s interested in, but the minutes turned into hours, at wala pa rin siyang natatanggap na reply mula sa kanya.

Baekhyun couldn’t help glancing at his phone, anxiously waiting for a reply from the man, pilit na isinasantabi ang ideya na baka nasobrahan siya sa ginawa niya.

Maybe he’s just busy.

Lagi naman ‘yun maraming ginagawa.

Right. He’s busy.

Malamang may inaasikaso ito na for posting bukas. Magulo pa man din ang schedule ni Chanyeol.

That’s probably the reason.

Huminga na lang siya nang malalim at saka tinaob ang phone para hindi na siya mag-abang pa sa message nito. He tried to focus on the anime he’s watching ( Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun which was actually also recommended by Chanyeol), pretending to not care about his phone, kahit na bawat vibrate nito ay agad siyang napapatingin dito, only to get disappointed when the message isn’t from Chanyeol.

The next day, habang binubuksan ang computer niya to get ready with work, his phone vibrates.

It’s a message from Chanyeol.

Agad siyang napangiti nang makita ang pangalan nito sa notifications niya, pero agad din itong napawi nang makita niya ang laman ng message nito.

He tries to push aside the feeling of disappointment. 

Baka naman kasi sobrang busy niya.

Hindi sinabi ni Chanyeol ang dahilan, but with the way that he was only able to send a message now, at ang iksi pa, he guesses that he’s just that preoccupied at the moment.

Napabuntong-hininga siya. Wala naman na siya magagawa dun.

Hindi rin naman maganda kung pagpilitan niya.

He types out a reply bago niya sinet into Do Not Disturb ang phone niya.

For the rest of the day, he tries to focus on his work and ignores his phone, just to avoid checking if may matatanggap ba siyang message from Chanyeol, kahit na after that day, parang wala rin naman silbi ang ginawa niyang pag- Do Not Disturb dahil wala rin naman na siya kahit ano pang message na natanggap sa kanya after his reply.

Mukhang sobrang busy nga.

As much as he wanted to ask for a refund dahil hindi naman na makakapunta ang gusto niyang makasama, hindi naman allowed ‘yon. Alam naman niyang may choice naman siyang ‘wag na tumuloy, pero nasasayangan siya dahil bayad na ang ticket. Mukhang maganda pa man din ang pagka-adapt dito at nakaayon siya sa mismong published version nito. Might as well go kahit na mag-isa lang siya. Wala naman din siyang ibang maaaya na kaibigan. 

It’s just a shame na wala ang gusto niya sanang kasama ngayon.

It could’ve been a movie date. Not a date nga, paalala niya sa sarili niya.

Oh well. Wala naman na siya magagawa kung busy si Chanyeol. 

Tahimik na lang siyang naupo sa nireserve niya na seat, paminsan-minsan na kumakain ng popcorn habang pinapanood ang mga trailer na pinapakita sa screen. 

Naalis lang ang tingin niya doon nang makarinig siya ng pamilyar na boses, a loud, deep, and excited voice that he’s heard too many times. He automatically looks at the direction where it came from, unsure if he’s just imagining things, kasi bakit naman niya maririnig ang boses ni Chanyeol, diba? 

But what he saw made his heart drop.

Totoo nga. Nandito si Chanyeol.

And he’s here holding hands with a woman.

He watches them go to their reserved seat, na unfortunately, ay nasa iilang rows lang before his, kaya kitang-kita ni Baekhyun kung paanong sumandal ang babae kay Chanyeol, and how Chanyeol looked at her with that fond look on his face bago tumingin sa screen.

He wants to deny what he saw, to make himself believe na baka naman hindi niya jowa ‘yun, but the way the woman was leaning on him, ang kamay nil ana hinid mapagbitaw, at ang mata ni Chanyeol na kumikislap sa tuwa at halata ang pagmamahal dito… lolokohin pa ba niya sarili niya?

Ramdam na ramdam niya ang pagkirot ng puso niya sa nakikita.

It hurts. Sobrang sakit tignan ng taong gusto niya na may kasamang iba.

He should look away. He really, really should, pero kahit na namatay na ang ilaw, signalling na magsisimula na ang palabas, hindi pa rin naaalis ang tingin niya sa kanila. Like a fucking masochist. Halos i-engrave niya sa utak niya ang lahat ng ito, memorizing every movement, every pain that he’s feeling.

He should’ve known. Someone as amazing as Chanyeol wouldn’t be single. Halos siya na ang living definition of someone who’s close to perfect. There’s no way that no one is interested in him at wala siyang magugustuhan.

Bigla niya tuloy naalala ang sinabi ni Sehun noon, na maraming nagkakagusto kay Chanyeol, and god, what made him think that someone like him was available? Na interesado rin ito sa kanya? Bakit niya kinalimutan na maraming nagkakagusto kay Chanyeol, hindi lang siya, at maaaring may iba pang mga tao na sinusubukan makuha ang atensyon niya? Na may nakakuha na ng atensyon niya?

Mali niya rin naman.

Siya lang naman ‘tong nag-iisip na baka may iba, na baka may chance, just because they got a little bit closer lately.  

Ni hindi nga siya sigurado if he’s interested in men in the first place. But seeing him with a woman that looks so beautiful and comfortable with him, enough na ‘yun to make him think na… straight siya.

Pakiramdam niya ang tanga-tanga niya.

Nag-assume siya, hinayaan niyang lumalim ang pakiramdam niya para sa kanya just because he got comfortable around him at dahil lang binigyan siya nito ng atensyon at ng oras, at he let him enter his life way too fast and let himself be so open to him.

Ang tanga niya.

Bumili pa siya ng ticket para sa kanya ngayon. Ni hindi niya ‘yun ginagawa para kanino. As in never. Para kay Chanyeol lang. For so many times, hinayaan niya ang sarili niya na umalis sa comfort zone niya, for him to try out new things just to spend some time with Chanyeol, and now… ang sakit. 

He couldn’t even focus on the movie that Chanyeol recommended. Masyado na siyang naconsume ng mga iniisip niya. All throughout the movie, nasa kanila lang ang mata niya at hinahayaan niya lang ang sarili niya na maramdam ang lahat ng sakit na hindi niya inaakalang magiging ganito katindi.

Nagulat na lang siya nang biglang bumukas na ang ilaw at nagsisitayuan na ang mga tao. That’s when he snapped out of his thoughts at nagmamadali siyang lumabas ng sinehan bago pa siya tuluyang maiyak at makita ni Chanyeol.

Pero hindi talaga nakikisama ang buhay sa kanya.

Kahit ano pang pagmamadali niya, napatigil siya nang marinig niya ang pamilyar na boses ni Chanyeol, “Baekhyun!”

He let out a shaky breath first, pinipigilan ang sarili na maluha. Huminga siya nang malalim at pinilit na ngumiti to try not to look too affected bago lumingon sa lalaki na nanlalaki ang mata, halatang nagulat na makita siya, and yet still evidently happy to see him. Hindi niya maiwasan ang mapatingin sa kamay nito na nakahawak pa rin sa babae bago tumingin ulit sa mata ng lalaki, sandaling isinasantabi ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.

“Hey, I didn’t know na natuloy ka manood. Sinong kasama mo?” tanong nito nang makalapit sa kanya, may malaking ngiti sa labi.

“J-Just me…” mahinang sagot ni Baekhyun at hindi naiwasan ang mapatingin sa babae, curious of what she looks like when she’s closer, only to look away nang makitang nakatingin din ito sa kanya with a friendly smile on her face.

Mukhang napansin ni Chanyeol ang tingin nito kanina kaya kahit ayaw na sana niya makilala (masama man pakinggan), sinabi ni Chanyeol, “Si Seol pala. Girlfriend ko.”

Nawalan tuloy siya choice kundi makilala ang babae… mas lalo lang siya nasasaktan.

“Hello! Nice to meet you,” sabi ng babae at nilahad pa ang kamay niya. “I’ve heard your name from Chanyeol a few times. Ka-work ka niya, right?”

Tinanggap ni Baekhyun ang kamay nito, shaking her hand, pero agad din niya binitawan. Hindi niya kasi maiwasan ang maging uncomfortable. 

Ang mali-mali na sa pakiramdam niya na nagustuhan niya si Chanyeol.

May girlfriend ‘yung tao, and here he was, admiring him? Trying to be close to him and spend more time with him? Lowkey hoping that there will be something?

What does that make him?

Ang mali-mali talaga sa pakiramdam.

“A-Ah, yes…” mahina niyang sagot.

“I hope you’re doing well at work. ‘Wag ka masyado magpakababad sa trabaho. Unlike this guy na masyado na mahal trabaho at wala nang time para sa ibang bagay… God knows when he’ll stop,” sabi nito at nakuha pang mag-giggle, but there’s something with it that he can’t name.

He notices the way Chanyeol’s smile faltered at what he heard, pero hindi siya sigurado kung tama ang nakita niya dahil agad din naman itong nawala at napalitan ng usual na malaking ngiti nito.

“I’m well. I-It’s good…” sagot ni Baekhyun sa babae. Hindi na siya nag-effort pa na mag-small talk (as if naman kaya niya ‘yun) and to try to get to know him or ask them if something’s up with the way they were reacting. Hindi na talaga niya kaya pa magtagal dito. Masyadong kumikirot puso niya makitang magkalapit ang dalawa at magkahawak ang mga kamay. With a shaky and small voice, he says, “S-Sorry… Can I go now? I, um… I have something to finish…”

“Are you okay?” tanong ni Chanyeol sa kanya at mukhang lalapit pa sa kanya para i-check siya but Baekhyun immediately takes a step back and nods profusely, obviously not okay with the way he’s acting. Chanyeol doesn’t push it even though there’s an evident concern on his face. “Oh… okay. Sige. Good luck. I’ll see you at work?”

Tumango lang ulit si Baekhyun bago tumalikod at nagmamadaling maglakad papalayo sa may sinehan. Wala na siyang pakialam kung nagmukhaa siyang walang respeto dahil sa sobrang pagmamadali niya.

All he wanted was to get out of there.

To try to remove it all in his head.

When he reached the escalator, saka lang tumulo ang luha na kanina niya pa pinipigilan, but he harshly wipes it away, natatakot na may makakita sa kanya, and brisk walks out of the mall para makauwi na siya at isubsob na lang ang sarili sa trabaho.

What he hoped would be a good day turned out to be like this—a day that he can just feel how his heart is slowly breaking.

Ganito pala ‘yung pakiramdam na ‘yun.

He really should’ve known better.

Sinubukan niya.

Sinubukan niyang isubsob ang sarili sa trabaho, to even make a new art, a new story, just to forget everything that happened. Ganun naman lagi kapag ang daming tumatakbo sa isip niya and it used to work.

Pero hindi niya kaya.

Ganun din naman kapag si Chanyeol ang laman ng isip niya.  

He can’t even get past one panel. Nanginginig na ang labi niya sa kagustuhan na mapigilan ang luha niya. Even his hands were shaking, making it harder for him to even do one stroke.

Ang hirap naman ituloy nito.

Paano niya magagawa ‘yon kung pakiramdam dyan, dinudurog ang puso niya ngayon?

Binitawan niya ang hawak niyang lapis nang makita niyang may pumatak na luha sa may papel niya. He harshly wipes his tears away, pero kahit anong pigil niya, hindi niya magawa. He takes a deep breath and lets the tears flow. Napatakip siya ng mukha, humihikbi, habang inaalala ang lahat ng nangyari.

He really should’ve known. 

Ang sakit. Parang pinipisil ang puso niya ngayon. Pinalo-palo niya ang dibdib niya, hoping na mawala ang sakit, ang kirot, pero hindi ito mawala-wala.

And it hurts even more kapag inaalala niya kung paanong hinayaan niyang lumalim ang nararamdaman niya para sa lalaki.

Dahil ano? Dahil lang binigyan siya nito ng atensyon? Dahil mas nakilala niya ito? Dahil nakakausap niya palagi? Dahil nakakasama niya? Dahil pinaparamdam nito na may oras siya palagi para sa kanya? Dahil Chanyeol has a way to make someone feel special and comfortable enough to open up?

Ang tanga-tanga niya.

Dahil sa nabuo niyang admiration nitong mga nakaraang taon, hinayaan niya ang sarili niya na umasa ng ganito. Na makaramdam ng ganito. He let his feelings take over. Ni hindi niya man lang inisip na baka… baka mabait at friendly lang talaga si Chanyeol. After all, ‘yun din naman ang sinasabi ng karamihan bago pa niya ito nakilala. 

What made him think that the way Chanyeol acts around him is different from how he acts with others?

Ang tanga.

Now that he looks back at all of this and what he found out today, wala na talaga siyang ibang naisip kundi he should’ve known. Oo nga naman, kahit anong kilig niya sa bawat pagkakataon na nagrereply si Chanyeol sa kanya, nakalimutan niya na may mga pagkakataon din na hindi naman ito agad nakakareply sa kanya. That he’ll sometimes see him on the phone, may kausap, with different emotions that he never once saw directed to him. Why did he not think of that?

Was he really that blinded by his feelings?

Pakiramdam niya, ang mali ng nararamdaman niya.

Ang mali dahil masyado siyang nagtiwala. Hinayaan niya ang sarili niya na mag-open up kay Chanyeol. Ni hindi niya ‘to ginagawa sa iba. He let himself be comfortable. Too comfortable. He feels so bare.

Hindi niya dapat ito naramdaman.

Not for a person who's already taken.

It feels so wrong to get close to someone in a relationship and hope that something will bloom between them.

He really should’ve stayed true with his self-rule— wala na lang dapat kahit anong office romance. That includes having feelings for someone in the same workplace.

Pinapangako niya sa sarili niya na iiwas na siya kay Chanyeol. Masakit at hindi maganda sa pakiramdam ang lahat ng ‘to, pero alam niyang ‘yun ang tamang gawin.

But for now, he lets himself cry his heart out, and tomorrow? 

Tomorrow will be the start of him pushing his feelings away and slowly removing himself from Chanyeol’s already perfect life.

Napabuntong–hininga si Baekhyun at nilagay sa may drawer niya ang phone niya. Tinaob niya pa ito at tinakpan ng sketchpad para siguradong hindi na talaga niya ito titignan pa.

Anything just to prevent himself from sending a message to Chanyeol.

Masyado talaga siyang nasanay na nakakausap niya ito bawat araw. He looks forward to receiving something from him every day that it’s hard to just remove it from his system.

But he has to try avoiding him.

At dito nagsisimula ‘yun.

He promised himself na hindi na siya magsesend ng kahit anong message pa from Chanyeol unless kailangan niya. He won’t initiate any conversation with him. He thinks it’s possible, considering na hindi rin naman sila magkadepartment so there’s no reason for him to talk to him. Hindi niya siya editor. 

Wala siyang kahit anong role sa buhay niya.

Kaya sa tuwing maiisip niya na may i-share kay Chanyeol, pinipigilan niya na agad ang sarili niya. Hindi naman kasi kailangan. Hindi importante ang sasabihin niya. Hindi para sa trabaho.

So instead of sending any message to him, Baekhyun will simply take a deep breath and push those thoughts away. Ibinalik na lang niya ulit ang atensyon niya sa trabaho niya, putting it first and the thought of Chanyeol at the back of his mind. 

This is just him trying to avoid feeling any pain.

The last thing he wants is to cry about this again, at kung ang pag-iwas ang solusyon para mangyari ‘yon, gagawin niya.

Kahit gaano pa kahirap.

Nilabas niya ang notes niya para makapagsimula na siya, pero napatigil siya nang makita ang isang sticky note niya. It’s that one chibi that he did from years ago. Nakadikit sa unang page ng isang notebook niya. He sighs, removes the note, and crumples it. Tinapon niya lang ito sa may isa gilid bago nilipat ang page para gawin ang trabaho niya.

He just hopes na wala na siyang iba pang traces na iniwan dito sa space niya.

Hindi na dapat niya brineak ang own rule niya about not having any office romance, kasi now, he’s thinking of checking everything just to make sure na walang kahit anong bakas ni Chanyeol sa work area niya para lang masiguradong hindi niya ito maiisip.

What once was an inspiration became a distraction for him. And he hates that it became like that dahil naaapektuhan na rin ang mga ginagawa niya.

“Wala ka bang lakad ngayon?”

Hindi napansin ni Baekhyun ang tanong ni Sehun. Masyado kasi siya naka-focus sa screen niya. Ramdam na nga niyang nagdadry na ang mata niya dahil halos hindi na siya kumurap sa kagustuhan na matapos sa ginagawa niya.

“Huy! Jusko ka, Baekhyun. Ano ba nangyayari sa’yo?” tanong ni Sehun at kinalabit pa siya. Saglit lang siyang tinignan ni Baekhyun bago binalik ang tingin sa screen. Hindi rin naman niya alam paano sasagutin ‘yun eh. “Ang dami pang nagkalat na naka-crumple dito. Itatapon ko na ba?”

“Do whatever you want,” tanging sagot ni Baekhyun nang hindi man lang binibigyan ng atensyon si Sehun.

Ayaw niyang mawala ang focus sa ginagawa niya. Kung sakali mang mangyari ‘yun, mawawala ang momentum niya. At kapag nawala ang momentum niya, mawawalan siya ng gana. When that happens, babalik ang lahat ng tinatakasan niya isipin.

All related to Chanyeol.

At ayaw niya ‘yun dahil bumabalik lang ang sakit.

Bahala na kung sobrang mapagod siya sa trabaho basta hindi niya hahayaang isipin ang lahat ng ‘yun. Mabuti na lang at matatapos na ang Bound. He can just put all of his attention to it.

Napatigil lang siya nang napansin niyang sobrang tahimik na. Akala niya umalis na si Sehun, pero nang lumingon siya, nandun pa rin naman ang editor, nakatingin lang sa isang papel na lukot-lukot na. Naramdaman siguro ni Sehun ang tingin niya sa kanya dahil tumingin ito sa kanya at pasimpleng binulsa ang papel.

Ano ‘yon?

“Nag-aayos lang ako. I’m going to throw these away,” pag-explain ni Sehun, as if nabasa ang iniisip niya. “As much as I like that we’re now ahead of schedule, I’m really concerned, Baekhyun. Lagi ka late umuuwi at nakakatapos ka agad ng one chapter in a day. A very detailed one at that. Umuuwi ka pa ba?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Kumakain?”

“Breakfast and lunch, yes… ikaw pa nga nagdadala…”

“Wala ka bang lakad?” tanong nito, halatang nag-aalala. “Don’t you have to spend some time with… Chanyeol? Ewan.”

Saka lang napaiwas ng tingin si Baekhyun. That name can still make him feel things. “No. There’s no need to.”

Hindi naman alam ng editor ang nangyari at wala siyang balak na ipaalam ito. In fact, he doesn’t even want to talk about it.

Akala niya mamimilit pa si Sehun na malaman kasi ganun naman ito, but then he says, “Okay.”

Nagtaka naman si Baekhyun sa sagot nito, but when he looked at Sehun again, nagpupulot na lang ulit ito ng mga nakakalat niya na papel.

He’s glad that na hindi na nito pinilit pang malaman. Hindi niya kasi talaga kayang sabihin.

“Thank you,” bulong niya. “Sa pag-ayos.” …and for not asking.

Sehun walks towards him and ruffles his hair. “Just take care of yourself, pwede? ‘Wag ka masyado magbabad dyan.”

Napakibit-balikat si Baekhyun. “I’ll try.”

Hearing that from Sehun somehow made his feelings lighter. At least hindi na ganun kabigat ang pakiramdam niya.

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Sige na. Baka naman mawala na naman ‘yang momentum kineme mo.”

Napangiti na lang si Baekhyun at napailing bago ibinalik ang tingin sa screen niya, thinking about finishing it immediately, para kahit papaano ay maaga siya makauwi.

Maybe he does deserve to take a little bit of rest. He’s been working too hard these past few days.

With that in mind, nagpatuloy siya sa ginagawa niya with his only motivation being having a rest after a long day.

Nagawa naman niya ang lahat ng plano niya today.

He was scrolling through his phone, naghahanap ng pwedeng mapakinggan na kanta, hinahanda na rin ang earphones niya. He was about to push the door for the fire exit nang marinig niyang may tumawag sa kanya.

“Baekhyun!” agad naman siyang napalingon sa may-ari ng boses at napakunot ang noo dahil sa pagtawag ni Sehun. May naiwan ba siya? “Bakit ka sa may fire exit dadaan? Gumagana naman ‘yung elevator.”

Napatigil naman siya dahil dun. Paano naman niya sasabihin sa kanya na kaya ayaw niya na muna sa may elevator kasi nandun ‘yung risk na makita si Chanyeol? That he’d somehow try to look for him if he were there?

“Uh…” he tried to come up with an excuse. “E-exercise?”

Napakunot ang noo ni Sehun nang marinig ‘yon, parang hindi magets ang sinasabi nito, kaya bago pa ito magtanong pa, he pushes the door open.

“S-Sige na… alis na muna ako…”

Hindi na niya hinintay pa na makasagot si Sehun at saka bumaba na lang. Thankfully, when he looked back, hindi na rin naman na ito sumunod. Napabuntong-hininga na lang siya at saka sinuot ang earphones niya. There was already a song playing, one that he was unfamiliar of. Mukhang na-shuffle play niya pa yata kanina.

But it sounds nice. Tinignan niya kung ano ito, A Day At A Time by Gentle Bones and Clara Benin.

This isn’t something that he’d listen often, but lately, it’s what’s been recommended to him. Nahilig siya sa paghahanap ng mga bagong kanta eh. He copies the link of the song. He’s sure this is something that Chanyeol would li— agad siyang napatigil sa paglalakad nang marealize ang iniisip.

Chanyeol na naman.

Naka-open na pala ang messages nila and he was already about to paste the link of the song, pero bago niya pa ito ma-send, clinose niya na ang application at saka nilipat na lang ang kanta.

Ang hirap naman kalimutan ang mga nakasanayan.

Ayaw na niya ng ganito kasi sa bawat pagkakataon na maaalala niya lang si Chanyeol, kumikirot lang ulit ang puso niya at nandun na naman ‘yung urge na umiyak.

Sana lang ay dumating na ang araw na hindi na ganito ang mararamdaman niya.

He’a doing his best to achieve that.

Kaya kahit mahirap, sa ngayon, iiwasan niya muna ang lahat ng mga bagay na makakapagpaalala kay Chanyeol.

Thankfully, Chanyeol made that easier for him.

Tatlong linggo siyang hindi nakarinig ng kahit ano mula sa lalaki.

Baekhyun was already doing great… or so he thinks. Laging naka-do not disturb ang phone niya at nakatago para talagang maiwasan niya na mag-abang ng kahit anong message. Nagagawa na nga rin niyang sumakay ng elevator, although admittedly, there’s still a part of him that looks for him, pero hindi naman niya ito nakakasalubong. Baekhyun would like to think that sinuswerte siya kapag ganun, but… hindi naman niya makakaila na nandun pa rin ang disappointment kapag hindi niya nasusulyapan si Chanyeol.

Noong una, nakakaramdam pa siya ng kirot sa puso niya dahil hindi na siya kinakausap ulit ni Chanyeol, that he wouldn’t if Baekhyun never initiated anything, that it’s so easy for him to just forget about his existence, but he tries to shift his perspective. Inisip niya na lang na mas okay ‘yun, hindi na niya ito makakausap, and he can hopefully start moving on.

Plus, baka kaya hindi na siya nito kinakausap ay dahil abala ito sa girlfriend niya.

That thought alone will make him stop hoping for any message from him. Mababalik lang siya agad sa realidad na wala silang pag-asa.

And that’s how it’s been for weeks.

But after weeks of not hearing anything from the man, weeks of not getting a glimpse of him, nagparamdam na ito ulit.

Just as he was about to put his phone on Do Not Disturb, nakatanggap siya ng message mula kay Chanyeol.

Paulit-ulit na binasa ni Baekhyun ang message nito, and for a minute, he considered replying to him. To say yes. 

Pero huminga siya nang malalim at saka i-sinet sa Do Not Disturb ang phone niya.

His message was not important. Hindi ito about work nor anything that is urgent. So walang rason para mag-usap pa sila.

Medyo mahirap pero pinigilan talaga ni Baekhyun ang sarili niya. Gustong-gusto niya itong replyan, pero para saan pa? Kapag sumama ulit siya kay Chanyeol at nakausap niya ito ulit, mas masasaktan lang siya.

At ayaw niya na ‘yun.

Napabuntong-hininga siya at pinilit na lang ang sarili na bumalik sa trabaho. He first checks his notes app, just to see the notes that he left the night before as a reminder for him, nang saktong makita niya ang lahat ng unsent messages niya para kay Chanyeol na napunta na lang sa notes niya—mula sa mga song recommendations, shows, and books, all of which he thought Chanyeol would like.

Ang hirap naman nito.

He convinces himself that he’ll get over this. That he’ll stop taking note of these things someday.

Binuksan na lang niya ang notes niya for his story and reads through it, bago nilock ang phone at nilagay na ulit sa may drawer niya.

Baekhyun was convinced that he was making progress already. 

Hindi na niya masyadong iniisip pa si Chanyeol eh.

Pero napabuntong-hininga siya habang nakatingin sa dalawang tickets na nabili niya. He unconsciously said two tickets nung sa counter, and when he realized what he just did, parang gusto na lang niya ipukpok ang ulo niya sa may pader.

Sinong nagkakaprogress, ha?

Is it progress if you unconsciously bought two tickets for a movie that you were looking forward to watching with someone?

Ang tanga talaga.

Hindi naman niya pwede ibalik pa kaya inipit na lang niya ‘yung isang ticket sa likod ng phone niya. Sakto rin naman na nag-vibrate ito at napakunot naman ang noo niya nang makitang galing ito kay Sehun.

Akala ko ba walang message kapag naka-break?

Pero nang makita niya ang laman ng message nito, natigilan siya.

Hinahanap siya? 

Bakit?

There’s a part of him that felt happy at the idea na hinahanap siya ni Chanyeol, pero agad niya rin iyon isinantabi. Hindi tama.

Chanyeol’s just being friendly. Siguro, nagtataka na lang din dahil hindi siya nag-reply noon. He’s probably just curious. Just nice. Like usual. 

Napabuntong-hininga na lang si Baekhyun at nag-reply sa editor niya. 

And as if on cue, nakatanggap siya ng message mula kay Chanyeol.

Nanginginig niya pa itong binuksan.

Gusto niyang mag-reply, but the pain is still there, so he doesn’t. Siguro, ayaw din ng buhay na gawin niya ‘yon dahil saktong namatay na ang ilaw sa sinehan at malapit na magsimula ang movie. He sighs, locks his phone, and tries his best to focus on the movie.

Kahit na all throughout, pabalik-balik lang sa isip niya ang message ni Chanyeol at ang urge na mag-reply sa kanya. 

It was only two weeks after his last message did he hear from him again. Saktong stuck siya sa inooutline niya na kwento at timeline na sinusunod niya for the flow and updates of his next story and when he glanced at his phone again, umilaw ito, and for a second, parang tumigil ang pagtibok ng puso ni Baekhyun nang makita ang pangalan ng lalaki.

He’s acting like nothing happened… as if hindi ito apektado in any way sa biglang pag-disappear ni Baekhyun.

But then again, it’s not like alam nito kung bakit biglang ayaw na siya pansinin ni Baekhyun. Ang alam lang nito, naging busy siya at nagpahinga from work. Nothing more.

As much as it hurts to think about it, oo nga naman, why would he even care, diba?

At wala rin naman plano si Baekhyun na ipaalam kung bakit naging ganun ang pakikitungo niya sa kanya.

Hindi naman kailangan malaman ni Chanyeol na kaya naging ganun ay dahil gusto niya nang mag-move on at kalimutan ang nararamdaman niya para sa kanya.

He shouldn’t reply. Para na rin sa ikabubuti niya at para hindi na lumalim ang nararamdaman niya para sa kanya.

But it’s been a month since he last talked to Chanyeol, and he can’t even say that it’s been easy kasi araw-araw magkakaroon ng time na para siyang nangangati na makausap siya. Walang araw na hindi siya nakakaramdam ng pagkasabik na makita, makasama, at makausap siya, even if it still feels so fucking wrong to feel that way for him. 

Hindi pa rin siya sigurado kung dapat ba niyang hayaan na mapalapit ulit kay Chanyeol. Kung dapat bang pumayag pa siya sa pag-aya nito knowing the possibility of him getting hurt along the way.

Alam niya sa sarili niya na kaunting kabaitan lang na ipakita ni Chanyeol, kaunting atensyon lang, ay agad siyang aasa. Babalik na naman ulit ang nararamdaman niya. Mas lalalim pa. Mas masasaktan pa siya.

Pero mahina pa rin talaga siya sa taong ‘to.

Napabuntong-hininga siya at saglit na tinitigan ang messages nito. Should he?

Kung sakaling papaya siya, he’s going to be guarding himself all throughout. Tataasan niya pa lalo ang lahat ng mga pader niya para masiguradong hindi ito maaakyat ulit ni Chanyeol.

Is he really going to do all of this dahil hindi niya matiis ang lalaki?

Dahil lang there’s a part of him that still misses him?

Pasabi lang ng isang beses: Bwisit ka, Sehun.

Hindi na siya makakaisip ng kahit anong excuse nyan.

Bago pa siya makareply sa lalaki, nakita niya na itong papalapit sa kanya at kumakaway, just like how he looked like before kapag maghihintay ito sa labas ng building nila.

Paano naman niya matatanggihan ‘yan?

Binigyan niya na lang ito ng isang maliit na ngiti.

“Hey, you’re not too busy, right?” sabi ni Chanyeol nang makalapit sa kanya. He even looks at the notebook just near him para lang i-check kung talagang hindi ito ganun ka-busy ngayon. “I mean, if you are, I can just wait here. Tapos na ako for today eh, but I kinda don’t want to go home yet, then naalala ko may irerecommend ako—oh, of course, only kung g ka lang…”

Nandito na siya sa harap niya. Paano pa siya makakatanggi?

Hirap din naman siyang ituloy ang kanina pa niyang ginagawa.

And seeing him in front of him just made him realize how much he missed his presence. Nandun na naman ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso niya, ang mgaa paruparo na akala niya’y nawala na.

But he reminds himself that he can’t feel that way. Hindi tama.

So kung papayag siya sa aya nito, kailangan niya paulit-ulit na ipaalala sa sarili niya na hindi niya pwedeng maramdaman ito, na palalimin pa, dahil maling makaramdam ng ganito sa taong may ka-relasyon na. Hindi magandang bigyan ng malisya ang mga ginagawa ni Chanyeol at kapag ginawa niya ‘yun, mas masasaktan lang siya, at maaaring makasakit din siya ng iba.

Itatatak niya sa utak niya na kaya lang siya nandito ay dahil kaibigan niya si Chanyeol. ‘Yun lang at hanggang dun lang.

He takes a deep breath bago siya sumagot sa lalaki. “I-It’s fine. No need to wait. I’m not that busy.”

Mukhang nagulat pa ito sa sagot niya at napatitig sa kanya kaya napaiwas ng tingin si Baekhyun at inabala na lang ang sarili sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit niya.

“Okay, great! Akala ko hindi ka papayag eh…” rinig niyang sabi ni Chanyeol at bigla naman itong tumayo sa may tabi niya. “Let me help you para mas mapabilis ka na rin.”

Baekhyun lets out a shaky breath and just nods, not saying anything else out of fear na baka sumabog siya at masabi niya ang mga bagay na kinikimkim niya. He let themselves be surrounded by silence at hindi niya tinitignan si Chanyeol kahit ramdam niya ang paminsan-minsan na tingin nito sa kanya.

“They have strawberry cakes here, like ang cute pa ng design. Favorite mo ‘yun, diba? Nung sinabi ng handle ko ‘yung about dito, I wanted to go and chrck immediately, and I was going to recommend it to you, but I got a little bit too busy…”

Tumango lang si Baekhyun sa tanong ni Chanyeol habang nanatili ang mata sa menu, namimili ng bibilhin.

“Pick whatever you want. Libre ko na—”

“No, I’ll pay for myself,” sabi ni Baekhyun at dumiretso na sa may counter.

Hindi na niya pinansin pa ang pagsunod ng mata ni Chanyeol sa kanya. Huminga na lang siya nang malalim at saka sinabi ang order niya.

Pinapaalala niya sa sarili niya na hindi siya dapat maguilty sa pakikitungo niya kay Chanyeol. This is just him trying to be more reserved, for him to put some sort of distance between them, bago pa niya mahuli ang sarili na umaasa na naman sa mga ginagawa ni Chanyeol.

This is him trying to be civil.

“Hanap na lang ako upuan,” sabi niya kay Chanyeol at hindi na hinintay pa ang sagot niya. Hindi rin niya ito tinignan kasi pakiramdam niya, he’ll see those puppy eyes na mahihirapan siya tanggihan, and he’d just feel guilty for acting this way kahit na ginagawa lang naman niya kung ano ang tama.

If Chanyeol noticed something different with the way he was acting, he didn’t say anything. Pumunta lang ito sa may pwesto nila, at dala na niya ang order niya at ang order ni Baekhyun. Mukhang sinabay na niya.

Nabalot sila ng katahimikan. If this were like before, baka may kung ano nang kinukwento si Chanyeol and magkukwento rin pabalik si Baekhyun, but this isn’t like before. He doesn’t want it to be. Siguro, noon, he’d be bothered kung sakaling sobrang tahimik nila. Maybe he’d try to initiate a conversation, pero ngayon, ayaw na niya.

He promised himself that.

Ayaw niyang mag-overshare na naman at maramdaman niya na masyado niyang hinayaan ang sarili niyang mapalapit sa lalaki dahil lang may nararamdaman siya para sa kanya.

Kaya sumubo na lang siya nung slice ng strawberry cake na binili niya, tahimik na hinihintay na si Chanyeol ang magsalita.

Mukhang hindi rin kinaya ni Chanyeol ang katahimikan. He clears his throat and says, “Congratulations on Bound, by the way. I never got to say it to you personally since you were on a break.”

“Thanks,” tipid na sagot ni Baekhyun, umiiwas pa rin ng tingin kay Chanyeol.

Bumalik na naman ang awkward silence. Hindi gusto ‘to ni Baekhyun, sa totoo lang, dahil kahit noong unang beses silang nagkausap, never nagkaroon ng ganitong atmosphere.

Ngayon lang.

But if it means he’d save himself from the pain and not to cross any line, titiisin niya ang lahat ng ‘to.

Ngayon lang naman ulit.

Ngayon niya lang ulit pinagbigyan ang isang parte sa kanya na sabik na sabik na makasama at makausap ulit si Chanyeol.

But this will be the last time that he’d let that side of him win.

Kung sakali mang mag-aya ulit si Chanyeol, kakayanin niyang tiisin ito at tanggihan. Para na rin sa ikabubuti ng lahat.

But for now, he’ll let himself lowkey enjoy Chanyeol’s presence and hope that by doing this, hindi siya masasaktan pa along the way.

Ano ulit sabi niya?

Kakayanin niyang tiisin si Chanyeol?

“It’s a good thing you’re not busy!” tuwang-tuwa na sabi ni Chanyeol. “Nakabili na ako popcorn.”

So, bakit siya nandito ngayon, sa parehong sinehan kung saan sobrang nasaktan siya, kasama ang taong dahilan kung bakit siya umuwing luhaan nung araw na ‘yon?

Dahil lang sinabi nito na may tickets siya for the movie that he wanted to watch?

“You didn’t have to,” sagot ni Baekhyun at kinuha ang inaabot nitong popcorn. Hindi naman na niya ito matanggihan dahil hawak na ito ni Chanyeol kanina pa nung natanaw niya itong naghihintay lang sa may tabi ng counter. “But thanks.”

“Is there anything else that you want?”

“No, this is good enough,” sagot ni Baekhyun. “Pumasok na tayo.”

He doesn’t care kung mukha siyang nagmamadali. Sadyang hindi lang siya sigurado sa kung anong mararamdaman sa lahat ng ito.

Sabay silang pumasok sa may sinehan and saktong nagsisimula na ang mga trailer.

Honestly, if this were like before, baka hindi niya na maexplain ang tuwang nararamdaman niya. Baka ngayon, iniisip niya na how this could be a date, pero hindi niya na pwedeng isipin ‘yon.

At nagkaroon na rin siya ng bad memory sa lahat ng ‘to.

So tahimik lang siyang umupo at pinanood ang mga trailer habang inuunti-unti ang pagkain ng popcorn na binigay ni Chanyeol.

“You know,” biglang bulong ni Chanyeol. Just like before, mukhang hindi talaga nito kinaya ang katahimikan. “I’m actually quite excited to watch this. With you , specifically.”

Hindi sumagot si Baekhyun. How could he, when he’s feeling a lot of things dahil lang sinabi ni Chanyeol that he wanted to watch this with him.

Bago pa siya mag-assume at kiligin na naman, pinigilan na niya ang sarili niya. Hindi pwede. That probably doesn’t mean anything special. 

Hinintay na lang niya ang mga susunod na sasabihin ni Chanyeol. For sure, meron dahilan bakit siya, and it’s not something na dapat niya bigyan ng kung anong malisya.

And he was right.

“You’re the only person that I know who likes BL kaya nung nakita ko poster for this, ikaw agad naalala ko. I remembered that you recommended this kaya nung bumili ako ng ticket, binasa ko rin siya agad. Pati ‘yung anime niya, pinanood ko na muna. So, I’m really looking forward to watching this. Aabangan ko na rin mga updates. I honestly regret na hindi ko siya nabasa agad, but you know how busy I can be in life… only recently did I have the time for it.”

Still, hindi naman maiwasan ni Baekhyun ang mapangiti sa narinig. It’s still so nice of him to read all of those that he recommended and really show interest in them. Not everyone is willing to really do that. ‘Yung iba, sinasabi lang na babasahin nila ito o papanoorin, pero hindi naman gagawin.

But with Chanyeol, it’s different. Ginagawa niya talaga kapag may nag-recommend sa kanya at nagustuhan niya.

“Kailan ba usual updates ng Sasaki and Miyano? Aabangan ko talaga,” tanong ni Chanyeol.

Mahinang natawa si Baekhyun. Mukhang nagustuhan talaga. “Usually, nakikibalita lang ako sa account nung mangaka eh.”

“I guess I’ll do that too,” sabi ni Chanyeol. “Or maybe, you can just tell me tapos sabay tayong mag-react sa nabasa natin.”

Baekhyun just gave him a small smile as an answer. Hindi naman kasi niya masabi na ayaw niyang gawin ‘yon.

Before, siguro, oo. Pero ngayon… he promised himself that he won’t initiate any conversation with Chanyeol. Hindi siya ang unang magmemessage or maga-approach sa kanya. He would reply kung magmemessage siya, but if hindi? Then Chanyeol won’t be hearing anything from him. That’s the least thing that he can do to make sure na hindi siya masyadong magiging kumportable at makapagshare na naman ng kung ano-ano sa kanya.

He thinks it will be easy, kasi sabi na rin naman ni Chanyeol, busy siyang tao. Hindi ganun karami ang time niya makipag-usap or to even hang out like this.

Nagkataon lang na pareho lang silang free ngayon.

He even thinks that this is the last time that he’ll be able to spend some time with him.

Last na talaga.

Then it’s going to be another long time before they even talk again.

He’s pretty sure of it.

He’s only here now because he’s also looking forward to this, and yes, he admits, that he still longs for Chanyeol’s presence, but that’s it. Sigurado siyang hindi ito magtatagal. Matatagalan pa ang kasunod, or who knows, maybe it truly will be the last.

Except it isn’t the last.

Oo, pinangako niya sa sarili niya na hindi na siya ang mag-iinitiate ng kahit ano kay Chanyeol. In fact, ever since they talked to each other, nagawa naman niya ‘yun. Kapag nga nagkakausap sila, halos sa tuwing tinatanong lang siya ni Chanyeol kung busy siya sumasagot. Ganun katipid. Wala siyang nirerecommend na kahit ano. Wala siyang kinukwento. He’s not doing anything that can make him feel like he’s being bare again.

Sabi niya sa sarili niya, kakausapin niya lang si Chanyeol kung siya ang mauunang makipag-usap sa kanya.

Pero pinaglalaruan ata siya ni Chanyeol dahil simula rin nung nagkausap sila ulit, siya ang nauunang makipag-usap sa kanya.

Siya rin unang nag-aacknowledge sa kanya.

Alangan naman hindi niya pansinin!?

Kahit noon sa may elevator, siya pa ang naunang mag-hello. Nagawa pang tumabi sa kanya kahit nasa dulo siya at halos siksikan na. Talagang nag-excuse siya sa mga nandun para tumabi kay Baekhyun.

Ano bang ginagawa nito?

He doesn’t want to hope, to think about anything, pero minsan, kapag umaakto ng ganito si Chanyeol, napapaisip siya, wala na bang jowa ‘to? Why is he acting this way?

Gulong-gulo siya, pero hindi naman niya matanong dahil sa takot na mahalata ni Chanyeol kung bakit naging mailap siya sa kanya.

Plus, aaminin niya, ayaw na niyang mapamukha pa sa kanya na Chanyeol’s already taken and out of reach.

Kaya he never voiced it out.

Pero mas lalo lang talaga siya nagtataka dahil ang dalas nito mag-aya sa kung saan. He knows how busy Chanyeol was, but whenever he hears from Sehun that he wasn’t, nagtetext si Chanyeol sa kanya at magtatanong kung busy ba siya at available siya after ng trabaho.

And every single time, pumapayag siya dahil hindi siya makatanggi.

Hindi niya talaga siya matiis.

Kaya bawat pagkakataon na nangyayari ‘yun, sinasabi niya rin sa sarili niya na last na ‘yun, as in last na talaga.

Pero at this point, parang niloloko na lang niya ang sarili niya.

Kasi ito na naman siya, palabas ng building, at ang una niyang nakita ay si Chanyeol na nakatingin din sa may exit, halatang may inaabangan. He swears that he saw him light up nang magkasalubong ang mga tingin nila. Agad itong tumayo at kumaway, tulad lang noon kapag magkikita sila after work.

Habang naglalakad papunta sa kanya, kahit parang niloloko lang niya sarili niya, he kept telling himself… last na talaga.

“I hope you’re okay with an eat-all-you-can kasi may bagong bukas dyan lang sa may tabi ng samgyup, and they have a promo dahil bago lang. Don’t worry, it’s my treat!”

Last na talaga.