Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The rain pattering the windshield is unseasonably late at early November, monsoon season is well past but there’s rain. It’s fucking trite, cliched; still I’m going back to Echo for the first time in like five years. No one spoke, my parents in the front, they’d been arguing in hushed whispers but seem to have hit their ‘you just don’t get it’ moment. Their delinquent problem child coming home and they aren’t even going to get a refund from the school after it goes under, maybe they’ll sue, and maybe a miracle will happen and their marriage wont fall apart in two years.

Fuck em though, they had me dragged out of bed at two in the morning when I was still in short pants. Had me shipped off to the closest thing to hell on Earth I can imagine. Which is saying something because I’m from fucking Echo. Speaking of I can see the flat collection of podunk and hicksville that makes up the town as we round the bend over the basin. I wonder if I’m old enough to demand a cut of any class action. Would pad out my scholarship money and get me out of here sooner.

I’ll never have to see Echo again, never have to think of it. Never talk to the freaks in the front seats of this car again. Start new, be someone I want to be, sealed records, no Dogeir, no ‘incident’ at Lake Emma, no Sydney, no Hunters. I think I’ll change my name too, cut everything with the stink of Echo out of my life. Just one year, get through all my make-up courses, test out of high school and at the college level by the end of summer and I can be at Pueblo by the fall… Assuming the trial doesn’t need a formal witness, god I don’t want to be cross examined.

Dad speaks up, “so… You’re room’s still there, but uh. Well we’ll probably need to replace your bed so we set up the air mattress...” Great, even though between the court dates and the depositions, and the statements, they had three fucking months to order a bed. Some shitty thing from Ikea would have been easy to have shipped to our place. I try not to make my disgust overt, oh well not the worst thing I’ve slept on, I’ll take grandma’s quilt out of storage, should make things easier, “sounds good.”

The house is as they left it. Sans a few photographs, some from when I was much younger, nothing after my sixth birthday. Like they were trying to forget who I’ve become. Well, looks like we agree on something. I enter my room and look around it’s stark. My posters are gone, my games too. There’s just nothing left except a couple old stuffed animals. It’s like I died and they couldn’t live with the memories.

Dropping my bag with my meager changes of clothes I start the air mattress pump. “Do you want dinner? We picked up some mac and cheese.” I shake my head, “no, I just want to get some sleep. If I’m hungry later I’ll make it myself.” I’m not an amazing cook by any stretch but I worked kitchen duty enough to learn how to read directions. “Oh… Okay...” They both head in different directions, sleeping in different rooms. It feels weird how unsurprising it is. Surprised I’m not surprised.

**

I set out the minute I’m sure they’re asleep, slipping into the bathroom and running the water into the large floor tub, low enough not to make much noise, high enough that it’ll fill before one in the morning. Then sneaking into the kitchen, slapping some peanut butter on saltines. Something to sit in my stomach. Letting the bath run while I eat, I keep myself angled so I can see either hall to my parent’s room. Mom could see me as I see her, if she’s paying attention but I’ll see dad coming long before he sees me thanks to the reflection on the flat-screen.

Stripping out of the boxers I’ve been wearing all day I lay out the Dogeir bland, mental patient chic of the same sleepwear I’ve been restricted too for the last five years. I hate it but it’s gotten some of the pockets sewn into the in seams still. Laying them out with flat military precision I slip under the water. Sinking down the maybe foot and a half into the tub to rest on the bottom. It’s a small reprieve but after so long of precise denial of such a basic need for my species, finally being able to just, run a bath on my own terms is nice. Almost makes up for being back in Echo…

Almost.

**

The jumpsuit’s not uncomfortable, not comfortable but after years of wearing it or something like it everywhere falling asleep isn’t hard. The air mattress is a bigger adjustment. I remember thinking ‘people pay to send their kids here?’ Almost everyday, now I think ‘people pay to sleep here?’ while tossing and turning on it. I kinda wish I’d just gotten a camping mat and sleeping bag honestly.

Oh well the quilt I remember grandma knitting for us when I was five or six was right where I thought it’d be. I’m able to curl it tightly around myself and pass out easily enough. Sandwiching myself near the wall between a stack of storage tubs. It’s the easiest way to feel secure. Probably think about getting a night stand and dresser to box my bed in. Less open space the better…

Nightmares are nothing new, the first few months of it were nightmares of the lake. Leo and Flynn holding me down while Sydney returns the favor, finishing the job I couldn’t. Jasmynn holding Toby scowling at me with utter contempt while Toby avoids my eyes.

I don’t know if waking up back in my cell in Dogeir is any better. Alarms being used to drag me from sleep at four in the morning. Having to leap out of bed to avoid being forced to stand still for two hours before getting a late start. Being expected to still finish everything with two hours less time. Getting punishment detail because it’s ‘half-assed.’ The grueling work in the Yard. The exacting ‘study hall’ periods.

I think Dogeir is worse; the gang I grew up with aren’t my friends, it used to hurt more, hasn’t hurt much in a while. The staff made sure that we were dependent on them for everything. Decoupling that’s going to take years. I’ve had years to come to terms with the fact that Carl and Leo aren’t my friends anymore.

At least then I could hide myself in something useful. Something I could use when I finally escaped this pit. The worst was when I see Thompson, the lead ‘coach’ the one who took a liking to me, standing over the others holding me under. The worst is when Sydney’s paws became his. I can still hear the affirmations, poisoned and conditional ‘love’ dripping into my ears.

I wake up, panting, the angry red of my alarm clock reading 4:45AM, over an hour before my alarm’s set to go off but late compared to my usual schedule. I just change the alarm to five and shut it off. Getting up to make myself breakfast. I’m moving quietly, turning on the television on as low volume as I can stand, using closed captions to make up for anything I can’t hear.

Albion World News is taking up the parts of my brain not on oatmeal. Part of me wants to indulge in the marshmallow or candy dino egg oatmeal I used to scream for as a child. I learned my lesson from the ‘snickers’ incident. Apparently I am no longer a sugar junky because anything over two or three grams makes me sick now.

Whatever, I remember the times Toby’s mom would take me to church with them. I hated going and thought the ‘self-improvement’ stuff was a crock. There’s something darkly hilarious about how proud they’d be that I’m eating healthy with so little sugar. I don’t think what happened is what they had in mind for me.

At half-past dad comes in and startles when he sees me watching TV with my school schedule in front of me, I’d finished and washed my bowl. “Oh Chase, good morning, early start to the day? Good habit.” He sounds proud, I shrug but I can feel my jowls curl in disgust. I work to school my features before he sees them.

“Starting late, already behind,” my answer is monotone and he makes a face, “I’m sure the school will be fine. You’re transferring and it’s not like you didn’t have a reason...” My reason is none of the schools business. Though the transfer paperwork probably has the reform school’s name and address. So if any of the teachers or admins decide to let slip where I’ve been I can kiss the little privacy I have goodbye.

“I’d rather be prepared,” it’s the way to argue while agreeing. Deferring to ones betters is expected for people like me. He nods and smiles, I entertain the image of tipping his coffee up while he drinking, sending him to work stained and scalded. Show him how Dogeir responds to smug self-esteem. Still he’ll be leaving soon I hope, I know his firm in Payton starts soon and he has to drive over that way. Mom should be leaving soon too, then I’ll get the house to myself again. “Oh, if you leave before your mother wakes up leave her a note please. She’s on leave this week.”

Oh, because of course she is. It doesn’t matter as long as she stays in bed I’ll be fine. “You eat breakfast?” He asks as though he just realized that’s something he has to remember again. Good thing one of us is put together. “Oatmeal.” He nods “ah alright, I can pick you up some more? I know we only have the plain.” I turn back to my schedule and the accompanying Payton High map. “Plain is good, can’t eat sweets anymore.”

He looks uncomfortable, part of me thinks good, but after years of being broken down to be as accessible to others and sensitive to their needs as possible doesn’t go away overnight so I smile. “Thanks though I do appreciate it.”

Mom doesn’t wake up so I’m spared another awkward interaction, but I do as I was asked and leave a note taped to the coffee pot. ‘Dad went to work. Left for the bus. Packed lunch.’ Said lunch is a sandwich with cold cuts and a mineral water in a plastic bag. Since buying anything else or picking up an actual lunchbox is out of their element I guess. I don’t know how I’ll maintain the patience of them relearning the basics off parenting that they were barely adequate with before.

**

The wait for the school bus is surprisingly chilly, the late rains and early morning both keep the air bitingly cold. The blank mental patient gray hoody is warm enough though. And it’s not worse than the winter calisthenics so there’s that. The bus is an ugly squat thing that’s almost as much rust as yellow paint. It pulls up with a rumble and slight squeak. Hinting at surprisingly well maintained inner workings. The doors open up and I climb in. Looking over it seems I’m not the only one who’s here, maybe the third stop considering Jasmynn, Clint, and Jeremy probably got on at the same stop. That Carl’s the other person is surprising. From Jasmynn street to the castle, I wonder if the school’s going for irony or if that was the bus driver’s decision.

“Hey there kiddo, I’m Karen and I’ll be your bus driver from now until graduation,” her voice has the drawl of a multi-generational Echoite. “Chase Hunter, I appreciate it,” my voice is the same monotone used on dad, the wrote response drilled into me, she makes a face at it. Still she swallows any discomfort “well aintchu polite Chase.”

“It’s an act!” Jeremy pops over his seat and my gaze drags over him lazily, Clint joins him, “yeah American Psycho here drowned someone in Lake Emma, thought Juvie was like ten years.” Karen gives me a look as I walk towards the back before she starts yelling at Clint and Jeremy to get their asses back in their seats. My instincts are to keep to the middle back, the perfect place to avoid the eyes of authority figures. Close enough to not be scrutinized for doing something, far enough to be obscured. As I walk Carl’s eyes meet mine, his mouth is open and I sneer down at him.

He ducks his head and mumbles something into the handheld in his hooves. Good, now he knows what it feels like being gawked at like a sideshow. Jeremy and Clint are still nattering back and forth with the bus driver. Jasmynn’s eyes are on her book, I’d caught her looking during the initial startle, she recovered quicker than Carl. Good, she’s less passive than the ram. I take out my homework, I know I’m not going to be well liked. “Oh god, you’re a psycho and a nerd,” Jeremy’s decided to talk to me instead of continuing his spat with our ride. I look up cock my head like I’m examining a morbidly interesting bug. “Maybe you should try it Jerr, might come up with something actually insulting, instead of boring.” He scowls, I wonder why I responded, I haven’t risen to bait in years. Maybe it’s just nostalgia, I’ve stop listening to him and Clint going off, Jasmynn glares and I arch a brow. If she’s going to start something she might as well do it. She doesn’t though so I don’t care.

The bus ride is uneventful after Karen cussed out the Tetanus gang into shutting up. Heather getting on results in a renewed round of staring and whispering. It doesn’t matter to me. I just continue to work, I don’t see anyone other than Jasmynn and Carl. Not sure if I care.

**

Turns out I do care because Leo and Sydney are waiting for Carl and Jasmynn, which annoys me, especially when I can feel their eyes on me. I’ve had worse and more penetrating gazes on me so I walk past them into the building. Jeremy arcs an eyebrow, “what not going to say ‘hi’ to the honors society? Or is it too awkward with your murder buddy there.” I huff, it’s actually surprising but Jeremy being so casual about it despite him trying to needle me is, strangely, easier to deal with over the stares of the others.

Probably my gallows humor the laugh isn’t what Jeremy wanted to hear though, still what did he expect. What’s less expected is Clint’s response, “nah you see how Leo looked at him? Like he was a taco or some shit.” And I remember how casually bigoted Clint is, though Leo’s glowering at me seems to have elicited… Not respect but some bizarre morbid fascination from Clint. I’d rather not think about that all things considered.

“Better than how he looks at Micha,” that’s another name I was surprised to hear, that Micha is around, I consider that he must’ve been skipping class since he wasn’t with the Tetanus Alley crew. Clint makes a face like he bit into something rotten, “fuck don’t bring him up...” Jeremy looks like he’s about to answer but I beat him to it. “How’s he look at Micha?” The two of them jolt, having evidently forgotten I do in fact exist. “Nunya business Schizo,” the two walk away in a huff which, while I might have been curious about whatever presumably beef Micha has with Leo that would result in him hating him as much if not more than the ‘attempted murderer,’ Jeremy and Clint fucking off is a delightful consolation prize.

**

My first class is math, I’ve already tested into advanced algebra, one more test and I can bypass precalc. Get my English grades as high and high school would be pointless. I’ll be able to get the career counselors to sign off on taking college credits and the biggest hurdle of leaving Echo a bad memory is crossed. As I enter I can see a few people look up with open curiosity, most of them are older than myself, the exception being Jasmynn who’s expression is shocked enough to be hilarious while also being a little insulting.

I offer her a confident smirk, just to salt it a bit, even as kids she was rarely ever caught off guard. It’s amusing, especially the very obvious snubbing she does in response. The teacher, a haggard looking fox woman who’s fur is a shocking mix of red and white, looks me up and down obviously wondering if I belong here. I hand off the paperwork to prove that yes I do belong here. She frowns down at it. Glancing up and I roll my shoulders. She gestures towards the back, “have a seat over there.” I nod, making note that this might be a teacher that conveniently ‘loses’ homework and claims it never got turned in. It doesn’t matter, passing those classes with exceptional marks is the most satisfying ‘A’ I can get.

I take notes on the equations and orders of operations. Luckily they’re little more than building off what I already know. I can’t afford to let down my guard this close to my goals. The next period bell rings and I pack up, Jasmynn’s remaining behind. I have to, to make sure I have everything I need to be caught up, curiously I listen to their conversation while I wait. “I’m sorry Jasmynn but I can only push forward the placement tests by so much. And you’ll need to take Calculus before then. You’re a bright and driven girl so I know you’ll do well just. Be patient yes?”

She turns to me and frowns, though not maliciously as she tries to surreptitiously check her roster, huh maybe she just doesn’t like to be surprised. “One moment…” Jasmynn spares her by supplying a terse ‘Chase.’ Earning a look of gratitude form the teacher, “ah yes, one moment Chase. Now, oh!” Jasmynn’s already packing up, looking to escape this interaction. Especially now that she has her answer from the teacher. She sighs, “she’s always so busy. Sorry about that Chase I’m just not used to new students coming in this late in the year. I’m Mrs. Byrnes by the way, since you weren’t here for introductions first week.”

I nod, “yeah sorry it couldn’t be helped I’m afraid. Hence I’d like to make sure I have a follow up on the work I might be missing.” I hand her my assessments from the state, she scans them then smiles, “I’ll look these over.” I nod, “actually Jasmynn asked a question I had, if the assessments show I’m where I should be I’d also like to take the math placement.” She sighs, and I jump, my instincts still to justify my question to anyone in authority, “I know there’s a set time I just need to know when so I can schedule around it. Especially if it’s before or after school. I’ll need a ride from my parents then.”

“Of course, so are you from Echo as well then? You and Jasmynn seem to know each other.” Not anymore, I supply without saying so but I smile, “ah yes but I’d moved away for a while I only got back last night.” She tuts, “too much. I hope you’re able to sleep.” Oh good she’s noticed I look like roadkill, wonderful, “that… is independent of the transfer work.” She gives me a look like she doesn’t believe me, “well if you says so, but I need to get ready for next period and you don’t want to be late. Go on, shoo.” She makes a dismissive gesture with her hands and I find myself again torn between insulted and amused.

**

Next class is chemistry, another class with Jasmynn who decides to take the lab station on the other end of the class from myself. Not that I mind I’m not too keen on speaking with her either. Especially not if we have any classes with Toby.

Unfortunately it means I am stuck partnered with a deer who is far too chipper for the early morning. “Hi!” he holds out a hoof, “I’m Julian.” I look at the offered hoof, not too keen on touching a stranger which thank fuck he seems to catch onto quickly, I offer a tight smile, “Chase. What grade are you in?” Julian looks younger than myself and while unlike Mathematics the science classes don’t follow the same progression it feels odd that he would be in a class with Jasmynn and I.

“Oh uh, year younger than you probably. I just wanted to take Chemistry before Biology. I know it’s going to be awkward being the youngest in this class this year and the oldest in Bio next year.” I nod and look him over, “then why do it?” He coughs into his hand, “it seemed like the right direction, learn the chemical processes of the body before you learn the bigger parts of the body.”

Huh, I thought he was bland, turns out he’s fucking weird. “Well better work hard, I’m not gonna let my GPA crash so I’m counting on you.” He nods, “don’t worry, I might be a year younger than you but I’m a hard worker.” He’s earnest too. I don’t like him but he’s too inoffensive to dislike.

“Alright, help me set up, I did the paperwork but this’ll be my first lab,” he smiles in response setting up, “oh? Maybe I should be concerned with my GPA?” Fucking sass, okay, maybe Julian’s a little likable. “Yeah yeah, yuck it up on the transfer student.”

**

After Chemistry is gym, which I get to spend with the dulcet tones of tweedle dee and tweedle speciest. By which I of course mean Clint and Jeremy, joined this time by Micha who while talking to them is hissing something back and forth with Clint. Tension I wasn’t expecting considering this morning. Interesting. Also Carl is there, sulking about his excuse being rejected by the gym teacher. Nope he’s going to be playing volleyball with the rest of us.

“Maaaaan, why couldn’t we get Heather or some of the girls in our class? Fucking sausage fest in here.” Jeremy’s distinct whine plays out, “because you’re a creepy perv who’s probably gotten like three complaints this year?” Micha ribs him only to earn a look from Clint who mumbles something like ‘and you wont oggling us up’ and that may or may not have been followed up by a slur. Curiouser and curiouser, still I’m looking forward to this about as much as Carl. The only way this game could be less in my wheelhouse is if it was basketball.

No cries of ‘species features’ will save me here. The gym teacher having decided that they’re being obnoxious splits the group up. Jeremy, Micha, and myself on one side. Clint, Carl, and a Coyote named Darick on the other. “Ugh, great I’m stuck with the psycho with mini-sausages for legs and Micha,” Jeremy’s bitching is annoying, so I glance over to him. “Wouldn’t wings be a benefit?” Micha snorts, “speciest, flying tires me out and I aint doing jack more than I have to.” I make a ‘tch’ with my tongue, like anyone in Clint’s group has a right to get pissy about species comments.

I don’t like gym and I know I’m gonna get wrecked here but I need to at least try, that’s all gym teachers really care about anyway. The serve goes to us first and I toss it to Micha, “one thing and then you can be done.” Micha looks at me “don’t tell me what to do.” I shrug, “oh I get it, you don’t want to embarrass you’re friend.” He takes the ball despite his protest, there’s a gleam in his eye and he jumps, spiking it right over Clint’s head and it hits the ground. Both Clint’s other players stare at first the ball, then Micha. “one to zero” the bat says with a certain satisfaction, looking Clint in the eye. “You’re going down kelpto!” The Yote says tossing the ball back over, “otter serves this time.”

I shrug, I’m not great at volleyball but I’m not hopeless, and I know the weak link on their end. The serve goes up and over towards Carl who seems flabbergasted he’s being served and hits it… into the net. Micha hops up and smirks “two-oh!” I can practically hear Darick and Clint grinding their teeth, “pay the fuck attention Hendricks!”

The game continues like that with it eventually becoming, despite Micha’s assurances he wasn’t doing anything, more a war between him and Clint. After two botched passes Darick figured out that he’s best off playing support to them like the rest of us. Jeremy and I pick on Carl when we can but by and large end up doing the same. “So...” I cock my head at the heated game between Micha and Clint. “That’s new.” Jeremy rubs his temples in a way that proves he is indeed Jasmynn’s brother. “Ugh, right you were off at like juvie or whatever.” I scowl, “reform school” he looks at me and I shrug but the venom is still there, “parents don’t pay to send their kids to juvie.”

Jeremy must realize he’s in dangerous waters because I just get a surly ‘whatever,’ then he gestures at Micha, “so apparently Micha likes dick and Leo’s dick is the dick he’s on.” That earns a double-take from me, and a middle finger from Micha who’s ears are not just for show. “Leo? Like red wolf football jock beat the snot out of you and Clint, Leo?” Jeremy slouches but says ‘yep’ popping the P. he’s very clearly not happy about that turn of events… I couldn’t contain the question, “is it like… A blackmail situation?” Jeremy actually laughs out loud at that and the volleyball bounces off my head which makes Jeremy laugh harder, “oi! You got something to say muskshit?!” I smirk, “yeah. Does what’s going on here,” I gesture a finger between him and Clint, “count as cheating on him?”

Micha and Clint both start with on an impressive tirade of profanity that gets them held back by the gym teacher who finally decided this was his problem. Jeremy was breathing like he was about to pass out from laughing and even Carl and Darick had snorted at the last comment. Our team ends up winning with the early lead. But just barely.

Afterwards with the salt-twins getting bitched out I see Carl and Jeremy hanging back, looking around the corner in time to see money and a baggy exchange hands. I wait for Carl to slink out but catch Jeremy “how much?” He stops and looks at me, “didn’t take you for a druggie Honors.” I roll my eyes, “I thought I was a murderous juvie kid? Besides weeds less of a drug than booze. You want money I wanna sleep through the night.” That earns me a look, something… much more guarded. But he nods with acknowledgment, “bring the cash to Jasmynn tomorrow night I only got fatass’ order.”

With a sigh I respond, “fine but if you screw me,” Jeremy holds up his paws. “Bro, nah, I don’t fuck with my business like that.” I have no choice but to trust him… And ensure consequences if he decides to scam me.

**

I was hoping lunch would be uneventful and dull, when I saw the other otter enter the cafeteria I could tell that no such luck would be mine. I finish my sandwich eager to leave before… The shadow of that otter falls over my table, great. He bats my water off the table “oops. My bad.” It hits the ground and splashes Clint’s ankles. Fucking great. “Hey! What the fuck?!” Clint’s getting up but Sydney shoots him a look. “Shut the fuck up Clint. Unless you wanna get fucked.” He smirks, “again.”

I can see it, Sydney’s one of those, not hard to see after the lake, and I’ve has met more than a few. Those kinds who’ll hurt everyone then use their own power or privilege to get the other person fucked by the system. The wrestling jersey says enough, and Clint’s dirt poor and one of the bad kids. “Oh what the fuck? You aint got your scaly fa-” Sydney rounds on him, the other two wrestlers step back but keep their flanking position. There’s an upperclassmen in a jersey coming into the cafeteria. So I know how to play that game too. “Clint be nice, it was obviously an accident,” Sydney leers, disgust on his ace like he thinks I’ve gone Toby on him. “After all you know how clumsy we otters are outside of water. Don’t worry Syd, I’m sure you’ll be off the bench someday soon. If you keep trying.” I don’t know if he gets benched or not but the sneer on his face falls away as both Clint and Jeremy’s table and a couple others ‘ooo,’ I notice the dingo accompanying him snort but covers it as a cough quickly.

I can see the real Sydney Bronson now. The bitter vindictive anger. He pulls me up off the cheap bench and gets in my face jowls rising in fury in time for a deep rich voice to bellow “Bronson!” Sydney drops me the other man, a broad shouldered giant jaguar of a man. Based on his jersey, the captain of the wrestling team if I had to guess, looks me over. “What happened?” The dingo opens his mouth, “this guy was a speciest shit! Talking shit about Sydney being an… ott...er...” I make a gesture towards my own very otter body with my very otter arms in reply as he’s realizing what he’s accusing me of. The dingo stops looking embarrassed and Sydney drags his paw over his muzzle, “well if you wanna be self hating-” The captain speaks up “Go, get your lunch.” Sydney glares at the jaguar for a moment then leaves.

Turning to me the jaguar looks over the other table Clint still grumbling about Sydney while drying his pants. “I get what you’re trying to do, respectable, but maybe you should think carefully about who you stand up for.” I look at the other table, Clint is still distracted but Jeremy meets my eyes, looking back to the captain, looking him in the eye I speak, “I think I know who I should” and then I nod at Sydney’s retreating back, “and who I shouldn’t, stick up for.”

The jaguar holds my look then grunts, before walking away. By the time Clint’s done with his tirade I’ve already left, walking towards the east building’s home economics rooms.

**

Drifting to the back I start getting ready for the class when someone slides into the seat next to me and I wonder if five years in that fucking hellhole wasn’t enough punishment for attempted murder if I’m going to be stuck until I can escape Echo. I try to shoot the most vitriolic ‘do not speak to me. Do not interact with me.’ Glare I can at the other person who’s… Fuck, a husky, the only way this could be worse is if this was a retriever breed. “Hi! I’m Raven! I’m real glad I’m not the only guy here now. What’s your name?” He’s so exuberant and I want to throttle him, he’s holding out his paw and unlike Julian isn’t taking the hint. A gray furred paw grasps his, “hello Raven.”

A slightly dazed cat, Heather I think, the daughter of the guy who works the dam. “You playing nice?” He nods, shaking her hand like it’s not weird to be doing that with a friend. He has a thick accent so maybe that’s just how things are at home. “Yeah we were just introducing ourselves.” With a put upon sigh that goes over both their heads. “Chase. Chase Hunter.” The cat cocks her head, “oh yeah. I think I heard Jer talking about you earlier. Were you really in juvie?”

The question is innocent but seemed to accompany the whole class going silent. The worst thing is I don’t think there’s any malice in the question. I think she’s just genuinely that much of a fucking ditz. Raven at least has the awareness to look uncomfortable. I let it linger for just too long and he’s starting to look afraid. “...No,” short sweet and to the point. She nods like that’s exactly how it should be. “I didn’t think so. I can tell these things.” She sits between Raven and I apparently deciding we’re all going to be part of the same group.

Delightful.

Raven clearly trying to do anything to make things less awkward, good fucking luck buddy, chimes in, “so why’re you here? I know why I’m here but you’re like the only other guy.” Not surprising but I glance around to confirm. The other cliques are shooting us looks and whispering but nothing major I shrug. “I wanna be able to take care of myself, and cook something other than mac and cheese.” Heather nods sagely, “more men need to learn that. Good for you.” Raven pouts, and she giggles, “and you too Rae, but I already said that to you.”

And like that my plans to be another face in the crowd until graduation dies on the vine.

**

One more class, a mantra on repeat in my mind as I go towards the last class, thank fuck I was able to get APUSH set to an online class. Tests, a couple reports, and maybe a trip to a heritage site. A shame because history has always been my favorite subject. It’s probably why I was able to test into and register for it online so easily. Also if how my last four classes have gone I’d probably be stuck in class with Leo glaring daggers at the back of my head… or both him and Micha sucking face in the back.

That whole thing still feels bizarre and, not wrong, not really. I aint Clint, whatever floats their boats is fine by me but the idea of my ex-best friend tongue deep in one of the Tetanus Alley crew is just uncomfortable in a way I cannot fully express. Then again I seem to be meshing with Jeremy of all people better than my former friends. So maybe this is hell or purgatory or someshit, I died in Dogeir and this is some Silent Hill purgatory built from my sins.

I open the door and lock eyes with Jasmynn yet again, she glowers, “what are you playing at Hunter?” She hisses under her breath realizing that the last of her precious advanced classes just got interrupted. I look at her and keep my voice meticulously monotone. “Same as you I bet. Getting out of Echo.” She blinks and there’s a look of… intrigue? Curiosity? Sure as shit isn’t respect?

Whatever it is she seems to accept it and slides into her own awful desk chair abomination. I’d been lucky all my classes so far had tables and stations. Of course classic lit would have these things. Whatever I find one next to the window the classroom is stuffy and for the first time in living memory it’s a humid heat. I’m just starting to wonder if I’ll need to make another ‘demusk’ trip to the bathroom when an older stoat comes in and begins the lesson plan.

The class has been reading the Divine Comedy, lucky me Dogeir was a fan of religious texts especially the ones that talked about punishment for sin. Unluckily for me it meant they didn’t have Paradiso so I might have to bullshit. I’m saved again by the fact that they’re just finishing Inferno, and are doing a wrap up combined with introduction to Purgatorio.

I’m furiously taking notes along with the teacher who’s moving through the material at a clip and makes it clear the one time I try raising my hand that questions are to be reserved for the beginning and end of class. Something I should have learned the first week apparently. Because not being here is apparently not a good enough excuse not to know.

I go up and try to explain this after class and the stoat makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds like a dying cat. I tune out whatever it is he says favoring the smile and nod approach until I get a breakdown of the course.

“I suppose you haven’t read the material then?” That earns him a smile, not a good smile, not a happy one. The smile that reminds people that while we might be known as waterclowns, we’re still predators. “Actually sir,” I emphasize sir in the most condescending way possible, “I’ve read all but Paradiso. I had a lot of time to read through what I could.” He sniffs clearly put off by the most malicious compliance form of respect he’s had in a while. “Yes well, your generation is woefully inadequate when it comes to reading the text, so you can’t blame me for such impressions,” can blame you and I will you tweaker looking ass, “we’ll see if your comprehension manages to surprise me too.”

As I leave, Jasmynn shoves something into my hands and leaves before I can fully process that I’ve been handed something. That something apparently being the syllabus including required reading, as well as project and essay dates. I may be proud, but I’m not too proud to admit I gape at her like a hooked fish until she’s out of sight.

“...Thanks...”

**

Walking into the library and finding an open computer is easy enough, as is getting through the first few assignments, I don’t have a backlog the way I do for the other classes. Which is good at least. I finish the first Civil War assignment, and I have no intention of mincing words on reconstruction. The degree to which Johnson sabotaged the healing of the USC. Allowing the evils of the secessionists and their cause to fester into the modern day.

I pause a moment in my typing, paws hovering over the keys trembling a moment. I remember the differences in treatment between peoples in Dogeir. The legacy of the country’s history shoved in my face everyday. A paw falls on my shoulder and I tense only for it to be removed, “yo, sorry! I didn’t know you were that into the zone.” I rub my paw over my temples, why is it so hard to get a bit of goddamn peace to work on my homework. I’m not here to make friends. I wont be allowed to. Not until I leave Echo. Not until this town is out of my life.

I shoot a look over my shoulder at the Yellow Labrador who holds his hands up, “ah sorry man. I ugh…” He runs a paw over the back o his neck. “I was wondering if you wanted to try out?” He holds out a flier for, of course, the swim team. My exhaustion must be evident. Because he at least looks chastised. But he remains firm. I want to tell him fuck off, I’m not some water clown, but, five years of conditioning aren’t so easily broken. So instead I say “I’ll think about it.”

**

Waiting for my stop feels long, Jasmynn seems embarrassed to have shown what she did, still, I feel a smile tugging at my muzzle. Jeremy and Clint are talking to Carl about that game. Or more Jeremy and Carl are giving Clint some shit about acting like Micha’s bitter ex. Which has lead to some shockingly colorful language and an even more shocking lack of slurs.

Nothing changes in Echo. Nothing’s supposed to. Everything just goes in circles, static but ever spiraling towards entropy.

So why does everything feel new?

Chapter Text

[Payton High Tuesday Night Wrestling Practice Sydney PoV]

“Alright Jacks, you’re up next” the wolverine hops off the bench jogging over to the mats, “you and Bronson getcher asses over here.” Standing up I smirk and toss my towel and grab my water bottle, downing a swig then leaving it on the bench. Teek’s watching us carefully, it chafes, I can feel his eyes raking over me and I wanna slap him. Whatever, Jacks is shuffling a bit nervous. So much for them having supposedly unshakable courage. I get myself ready and grin, he better get his head in the game or else. He readies himself, taking his stance. Coach blows the whistle and we’re grappling.

He’s got more muscle density than me but I’ve got more flexibility. And more aggression. The grapple doesn’t last long until I slip under him leveraging the motion to knock him to the mat and grapple him. “C’mon Jacks you’re not even trying are you?” I’ve got him in a lock now. 𝙒𝙚𝙖𝙠. “How you plan on bringing us to state like this?” He’s struggling. 𝙋𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙘. “Get it together!” I squeeze.𝙅𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙏𝙤𝙗𝙮. He taps the mat. 𝙅𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪. I hook my legs and tighten my arm his tapping becomes more frenzied and desperate. 𝙉𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙃𝙄𝙈 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪. “BRONSON” coach roars, “SHOWERS NOW.” I’m pulled off, Teek has me by the collar I try to fight him but he scruffs me. Jacks is coughing and I’m dragged out.

Silence to the locker room, silence once the shower starts running, I shudder just a moment. I had a fear of water for a while. 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠, 𝙖𝙛𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙙. I got over it. 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠. Because He’s back. 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠. I grit my teeth jowls rising fangs showing. “I called Moore. He said he’ll be here in thirty.” Teek’s voice rumbles, senior but still technically a minor yet he’s got a deeper voice than half the teachers. “I aint tired,” I growl and shoot him a nasty look, he looks so unimpressed, I wish I could wipe the look off his face. I wish he’d finally look afraid for once. So high and mighty. 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚. “You’re going home Bronson. And you’re benched Friday.” I turn on him, “BULLSHIT! I’M THE BEST HERE!?” He arches a brow, “you’re the most raw talent in your weight class.” I smirk “right so-” he cuts me off, “however. If you can’t control your temper you’re a liability. You’ll cost us another match. Or worse.”

I look him in the eyes, he looks back impassively. “Bitch couldn’t handle a match he shouldn’t be here.” I don’t necessarily mean Jacks. Blood staining my knuckles flashes in my mind’s eye. He steps forward and I hate myself but I step backwards. “You nearly broke his nose. You’re lucky it was talked down to a forfeiture. Your talent means nothing if you cannot finish a match without being disqualified.” So he knew what I was thinking of. He puts a paw on my shoulder and I hate that I flinch. 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚. Stop. 𝘼 𝙥𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝. STOP. 𝘼𝙣 𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨. Please. 𝙊𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠. He says something about talking to the counselor, getting a therapy recommendation. Static fills my ears and I shrug him off. “I need to get dressed since my mother is apparently picking me up.” Teek looks at me a moment before sighing, “fine. I will talk with coach. You will need to tomorrow.”

**

Once I’m outside I wanna smoke but Flynn’s on his way and I don’t need him bitching me out. His ratty ass pickup pulls into the lot in front of the gym entrance. “Alright, you know you’re lucky my freight gig is in Payton. Otherwise you’d be walking home shitbird.” He’s smiling and we bump fists but it’s strained. “Ugh, Teek told you when he called you didn’t he.” Flynn nods, “wear your fucking seat belt.” I buckle up, “yeah well, had an off day.” He rolls his shoulders, “that it? An off day? You haven’t had an episode in a while. I thought you got past it.”

I don’t know if he’s not mentioning my last match to spare me or if Teek for once didn’t tell my nanny everything that he has to criticize me over. I can tell Flynn doesn’t say since Toby. Like he’d been hoping that Toby not being around would somehow magically make this all better. “Tch, yeah it’s” me, being crazy, having anger issues, wanting to hurt people. Feeling good and in control when I do. “Chase’s back.”

Flynn swears and makes a noise like he’s sucking his teeth then hawks a wad of presumably venom out the window. “Fan-fucking-tastic,” his claws tighten on the wheel. “Of course he is when you get back into a good place. Fucker must have sixth sense for when he’s absolutely not wanted.” I wonder sometimes if Flynn hates Chase this much genuinely or if he plays it up for me. Either way he’s in my corner. That’s the important thing.

I shrug “probably.” The rest of the ride is quiet.

**

[Hunter Household Tuesday Night Dinner Chase PoV]

Dinner is a quiet but not quite as tense affair. Dad decided that we need to reboot Taco Tuesdays and brought the family dinner from a place in Payton one of the Alveraz’s recommended him. I didn’t know he still talked to them. The place is good though so I guess they weren’t trying to spite him. Mom looks across the table, “so I went in your room to move some boxes out...” She does that delay thing, like anything she says might set me off. I know there’s not contraband in my room, maybe I’m just used to the guards just coming out with the punishment. Rather than someone embarrassed they violated my privacy.

Privacy hasn’t existed in my world for years. “Well I wanted to say that I think it’d be a good idea. If you were thinking of joining a sport.” Sport? I look up and or for fucks sake! She found the fucking swim meet tryouts flyer. I want to crawl into a hole and die. Right because an otter on the swim team wouldn’t be cliched. “I dunno, I said I’d think about it.” She makes an annoyed clicking sound, “Chase dear I think it’d be a good idea, a way for you to get in the water, and exercise and maybe meet some new friends.” She doesn’t say after Emma, after I lost my one and only shot at friends in Echo.

“Maybe,” ugh, I try to remember what he told me. The tabby cat guy who came into Dogeir, the one who blew the lid off the whole thing. ‘Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish.’ I want to be selfish, to say no. I have enough going on I don’t need a fucking sport. On top of it.

But… Do I? I don’t have friends, I don’t have extra curricular activities, neither official nor the teen vagabond kind. No friends to get into trouble with. “May I be excused? I’d like to take a walk.” They look at each other mom starts “I don’t think that” as soon as dad says “be careful and home by nine thirty.” I take his permission and ignore my mom. I leave as another argument is revving up. Good they don’t notice me. Nor the cash I slipped into the hidden pockets in my pants.

**

The walk to Jasmynn street takes me maybe twenty or thirty minutes. Jeremy’s there to meet me at the entrance. “You deal for Carl, you ashamed for your friends to see me?” He rolls his eyes, “nah, but pretty sure Jasmynn fucking hates your ass. You know she was bitching earlier about you being in all her advanced classes?” I shrug, “can’t put my life on hold for her.” I give him the cash, he counts it out eyebrows climbing. “Damn killer, who’d you take a hit on for this? This is Carl money.” I roll my eyes, “I’d say your mom but no one she knows could afford it.”

He scowls a moment like I touched a nerve, then he starts laughing. Handing me a bag similar to Carl’s. “Fuck aint that the truth. Obviously I don’t wanna know, ‘s long as the money comes through we trade green for green yeah?” I actually laugh, it’s nothing more than an amused tinted huff of air, but Jeremy seems to be please with himself over it. “How often do you use that one?” He throws up his hands, “you kidding me? Like fuckall. Micha’s the last person I told it to and he told me I was a humorless and didn’t realize it. Fucking dick.” It’s said fondly so I don’t think he’d appreciate me being a smartass about Micha or his taste in men. So I just shrug. Jeremy’s mood turns a bit. “Yeah alright you got your weed now get back to the rich side of town.

I’m about to turn but I speak instead, and I don’t know what possesses me to say this, “dude. I aint getting invited to Carl’s place until hell freezes over and even then Sydney and Flynn would both need to keel over. I aint got dick to do with the ‘rich’ house.” Because it’s fucking Echo there’s no rich side of town just slightly less poor side of town. Jeremy laughs, “wow, no love lost in the honors society huh?” I flip him off, “juvie kid remember?”

**

Obviously I don’t go home to smoke, the last thing I need is my parents smelling weed on me after that argument. Plus while I don’t like the idea of being pushed into swimming mom’s right about something. I need the water, to feel the pressure of it above me, surrounding me when I’m on the bottom of the river or the pool. The tranquility and stillness of being the only one there. It also rinses off enough of the smell that anything remaining will blend with my own natural musk.

Stripped of my shirt and shorts down to my boxers I’m sitting on a boulder watching the river flow. Blunt near slack in my muzzle, I shouldn’t waste it. I take another inhale then slip the rest of it into a baggy. Exhaling, a bit of a coughing fit as the smoke tickles my sinuses and lungs. “Fu-hughk Fuck!” I tap my chest with a groan. “Hey man, you okay?” There’s a drawl to the question, familiar local accents and I look over to see a haggard but bright eyed kit fox in a red lifeguard’s hat. I nod, “yeah, just… Not totally used to it yet.”

He cocks his head, “yeah? Just hitting your experimental phase?” I snort ungraciously, because yeah I’m not fucking getting into it with a rando with ‘druggie hippie nomad’ vibes. “Something like that,” I hop off the rock, hooking my thumbs into the band of my boxers he balks and turns around, “WHOA MAN! Warn a guy yeah? I’m like an adult and you’re very much jailbait. I don’t need that kinda smoke in my life.” I laugh sliding my shorts up, “shouldn’t I be the one worried about getting perved on by an adult?” I honestly hadn’t thought of it. Barracks showers weren’t private and strip searches weren’t uncommon. I just stopped seeing getting changed in front of others as anything but a necessary chore. “It’s safe, my purity is protected again good gentleman.”

He turns back around hesitating a minute while I throw my t-shirt back on. “You’re really not worried huh? You know I’m all about looking for the good in people, proud of it in fact, but I’m aint a teen out alone in the middle of the night. I look over my shoulder at him, “dude, my house is like ten minutes away and it’s only nineish.” Nine fifteen so I’ll need to book it if I wanna avoid getting bitched out. I start walking that way, “well okay bye then I guess?”

I shoot a look over my shoulder and give him a wave, “yeah well this teen’s gotta curfew.” And I don’t need my parents shopping around or a new pit to dump me in. “Thanks for the concern though,” that came out more sincere than I meant it, gonna need to work on that.

Getting home is shockingly only a ten minute walk, usually my sausage shaped otter legs make it closer to twenty. Though I haven’t walked this route since I was in grade school so who the fuck knows. Closing the door behind me I slip in and hear my dad, “Chase?”

Ugh; “yeah dad?” There’s a pause, “you’re home early.” I look at the clock, “you said nine thirty yeah?” There’s a chuckle that makes me clench my paw into a fist, “yeah which usually means you’re home by ten or I have to go pick you up at ten thirty.” I grind my teeth, I’m not a child anymore, and more importantly I don’t have friends jackass. “Yeah sorry about that, gonna take my bath.” He doesn’t say anything my voice must have shown some of my agitation.

The bath isn’t as good as the river but it’s still water, and it’s nice to feel clean. Lay at the bottom a few bubbles slipping out of my nose and trapped in my fur towards the surface. I use them like a timer, surface when all the surface is off of me. Left down here to my thoughts, the weed wonn’t really leave my system for a bit so I’ll be able to sleep at least. Thoughts wander, the last couple days have been weird. I start to weigh the choice in front of me. Just me not what other people want. Getting mom off my ass would be nice. Having a team to back me up even if just a little was life or death at Dogeir, but do I really want to stay in that mindset? Sports scholarships are also something to consider. I’ll need to do more than half ass it then. I’m not here to make friends. Friends... I managed to avoid Sydney at lunch again but something still feels off. Like something missing.

Why haven’t I seen Toby? It hits me like a train, it’s like the world’s forcing me to at least brush my former friends. But not the person all this shit was for. Not the person who stayed silent when I was treated like a sociopath. A serial killer waiting to happen. The images of that day aren’t clear, memory is not reliable. I learned that at Dogeir, watching things that never happened become truth, things that scarred us being erased. Systematically unmaking something that I used to think was sacrosanct. For so long I’ve been questioning if defending Toby was just an excuse.

What if I did just want to hurt Sydney? What if what everyone says about me is the truth and what I’ve held onto for so long is the lie? Thoughts spiraling down and around and around. Only two people know what happened that day if I can’t trust myself. I can’t trust Sydney, and I don’t really want to talk to him. Not after yesterday.

I don’t know if I want to talk to Toby. I want to question if I can trust him. Of the group Toby’s the most trustworthy, to a fault, since he couldn’t betray Sydney. A lack of betrayal that betrayed and damned me. Rising to the surface and climbing out of the tub, tepid and lukewarm, to stare at the tired bloodshot eyes of the otter in the mirror. For a moment he looks less sad and pathetic and more sinister, like something waiting for the unsuspecting in a dark alley.

Shaking my head I sigh, one thing at a time and at least ‘to join or not.’ As much as I loathe it, it would be more useful to me to join up. Ugh I don’t want to deal with this shit, but I have to. Sydney, the lake, ostracization, kidnapping… Dogeir. Now this. There’s only one option, only ever been one option. Move forward, move forward and don’t stop. Stopping in this place is death.

I wont die here.

**

Another day another dance of barely restrained violence. I sip the bottle of coffee I bought while watching Clint and Micha having a go of it all bus ride. “So is this every morning since the whole Leo thing?” I gesture towards the two of them, Jeremy takes a look and then slumps back against the window. “Ugh, when he’s not getting a ride from Leo yeah. It’s enough to make me wish he’d get there everyday but nope. Leo gets extra before school practice and the result is Micha coming to school with us. I mean all of us hate waking up early but Micha really hates it.”

I nod sagely, “ah this makes sense,” Jeremy doesn’t look amused, “speaking of why are you sitting next to me schizo, last I checked I’m your dealer not your friend.” I gesture to where the two of them are tugging each other’s ears over their seats “because the only other option is the ‘splash zone’ or your sister.” I look over to Jasmynn, who looks back to Jeremy and I with barely veiled disgust curling her muzzle. “My own sister, abandoning me to this fate,” meanwhile the other two have moved onto using an impressive array of speciest and homophobic terms. Including mixing them; Popobawa was actually impressive Clint. I had to look that one up.

“Clint is shockingly erudite when it comes to being a shitheel.” Jeremy throws up his arms, “nah, I’m pretty he just looked up ‘rape monster’ at one point just to try and get under Leo’s skin.” Leaning back I scribble my formula in the margins of the equations I’m working on, “The real impressive thing is how he’s avoided being concussed this year if that’s the case.”

“Probably Micha’s doing,” Jeremy answers in time for Karen to slam on the breaks and tell both of them if they don’t want to walk to Payton they’ll shut the fuck up. Jeremy and I simultaneously look between them, and say “definitely Micha’s doing.” The bat in question looks over at us, “the fuck you two on about?” I say ‘nothing’ while Jeremy ever proving he’s still just the worst says “wondering if you bribe Leo into not pasting our dearest friend here.” This is accompanied by a jerkoff motion. Karen immediately turn to him and says “hey lil shit you’re included in the do you wanna walk there?”

I turn towards the window because that seems to be infinitely more interesting than catching the ire of my ride in. Jeremy meanwhile has taken to sulking. Getting off the bus Jasmynn heads straight for the school entrance looking like every second spent with us was costing her precious brain cells…. In fairness to her that’s probably true.

Leo is immediately there to swoop an arm over Micha, shoot Clint a look of pure disdain. Me a death glare earning him a raised eyebrow and glance at Micha upgrading from death glare, to full exposed fang growl. Which earns him a smack upside the head from Micha. The fact this actually gets Leo to not only stop growling but look sheepish is actually impressive.

Still at the end of the day Leo is not my problem anymore and I’m not attached enough to either Clint or Micha for either of them to become my problem.

Math is delightfully dull, I take notes and don’t even need to worry about Jasmynn staring holes through my brain. Mrs. Byrnes is very good at breaking down steps and making the skills and tools to tackle longer more advanced problems something like muscle memory.

I find myself not only taking notes but start to review the textbook problems even outside the assigned problems. Just to prove that I’ve got the puzzle worked out. Sometimes a simple mistake still throws off my work or one thing doesn’t make sense but Mrs. Byrnes is amazingly patient going through the parts I have issues with. Though occasionally Jasmynn or the other students will groan or snarl when I raise my hand.

Fuck em. This is my ticket out. I aint half assing it.

**

Julian waits at our usual lab station when I arrive. He looks at me askance something’s bothering him. I wonder if the rumors finally reached him. Wonder if he knows his lab partner who he’s been bantering with is a ‘murderer.’ “Julian” his eyes snap up to me, “we need sulfur phosphate, not potassium chlorate.” He looks down at what he’s handing me then seems to nut up and say “you know I have first lunch too?”

I blink and look at him, uncomprehending for a moment, then I realize he probably saw the display my first day. “Right, Sydney and I have history.” Julian frowns, “is that all I know Cl-” I interrupt him with a curt “hey Julian?” He nods, “hmm?” I look him in the eye, “drop it.’ He blinks, frown deepening, but thankfully does just that and drops it.

The rest of lab is uneventful, I wonder if Julian’s going to ask to be moved? Part of me feels uncomfortable with that idea. The rest of me reminds that part it shouldn’t care.

**

Getting to Gym I find myself agitated and Jeremy arches a brow, “what got up your ass?” I run my paws through my head fur and snarl. “Just Chemistry. Any idea what we’re doing today? I’d like to hit something.” Jeremy looks at me askance, Carl shuffles further away from us. He probably doesn’t want to be the target of bullying he and Toby definitely received the brunt of it when we were kids. Still the way he side eyes me, like he’s wondering if he can move to the other side of the gym without getting caught makes me wanna bully his privileged ass alongside the Tetanus Alley crew.

He doesn’t know me, hasn’t known me for years, never bothered, he can’t fucking judge me.

The gym teacher normally my most loathed nemesis, with their love of humiliating species with short ass legs, has a moment of redemption. Dodge ball. Carl shrinks into himself, Jeremy starts laughing alongside Darick and Micha, when I look at them, apparently Clint and I are wearing the same near feral grin hearing the announcement.

The captains are no one I know, Clint, Micha, and I end up on the same team. Carl, Darick, and Jeremy are on the opposing team. I look them over, bouncing one of the rubber balls in my paw. Then look over at Micha and Clint, “you two get in my way, because you’re arguing, I will resort to friendly fire.” Micha flips me off, “fuck off cunt you’re not as cool as you think.” I blink, “I don’t give a fuck I just wanna commit aggravated assault without an arrest.”

Both Clint and Micha give me a look, before Micha starts laughing, “holy fuck Leo wasn’t kidding. You’re a fucking psych-” I didn’t even realize I chucked it but the ball narrowly clips one of his ears. “You bring up Leo with him?” I stick my thumb out at Clint, who shoots a meaningful glance at Micha while also flipping me off. Micha doesn’t lose the smirk “damn I thought he was exaggerating the bad blood…” Then he scowls, “you don’t threaten me though, I don’t care-” he’s cut off again, this time by the teacher telling us to wait until the whistle, resulting in him telling the man to fuck right off. Notably though, not to his face, probably because the bat doesn’t want to get held back two days.

“Bitch’s lucky I wanna eat lunch with Leo today,” I stop listening. I don’t wanna hear it, not from someone who knows fuck-all about what happened. Hell the people he’s listening to don’t know what happened. Only three people know, and I honestly don’t know if I trust any of them to recollect it accurately.

I grab a ball and the whistle blows, Carl’s eyes go wide and he ducks, clearing the path for me to hit Darick square in the chest. “Aw man Hendricks. I needed you to be my shield!” Carl snorts and Clint hits him, very intentionally in the ass. I really wonder, between the ass shots, constant homophobic comments, and jealous ex vibes I get about him and Micha I wonder if he doth protest too much.

Jeremy takes advantage of the ass obsession to get him out. He’s also a quick little shit god damn. He dodges past not one but three of my shots and one of Micha’s. Picking up one to get the bat out. He grabs another but I am prepared and when he chucks it I catch it.

Smirking at him he shrugs, “drat, now it’s just you against them~.” His three remaining teammates… To my being the only one left on my side… Me. Fuck me. Smug little shit.

Suffice to say I’m out and Jeremy’s the last person I managed to tag out.

Still I find myself leaning on the lockers panting as the adrenaline and endorphins starting to ebb out of my system. “Damn man, you got more game than your stubby lil legs would suggest.” Something chilly gets pressed against my head and I blearily open my eyes to see Darick. Blinking up at him then at the water bottle that’s being pressed against my head. Taking it I crack it open, “otters need more water right?”

I respond with a so-so gesture, “a bit but not by a lot actually. Mostly what we need is a full body immersion.” He blinks, “huh; so you get to the lake then?” I shake my head, “not since I’ve been back but I spent some time in Yeeyah but otherwise no.”

He hums, “so how often you guys gotta do it?” I look to him wondering why the interest, “preferably daily but we can go like a week… Technically indefinitely but last time that was tried it resulted in suicide so...” Darick balks but then shrugs, “sheet man. Well-” he stops when I shudder, the two weeks I was shut out of the pool having to make do with showers because Dogeir wanted to ‘break the dependence’ and ‘stop risky behavior’ probably just thought it’d be a funny ironic punishment. Darick obviously notices but thankfully says nothing other than “huh, alright.”

**

Lunch is quiet now that I’ve started hiding in the school courtyard, I noticed Julian with a group in the lunchroom. Tetanus Alley hanging out at their table. Leo and Micha walking down the hall. Leo knocks into me obviously trying to knock my lunch out of my hands, “Watch where you’re going.” I roll my eyes “says the nineties stereotype.” He snarls and Micha grips his arm tighter, “not worth it Leo. C’mon I’m hungry and you said you’d cover me today.” His ears flatten and while he stops growling his fangs are still showing. “Yeah Leo, don’t keep your date waiting.” Micha looks around him eyes narrowed but drags Leo off before he can smash my face into the security door.

Am I suicidal? Probably.

The courtyard seems to not just be my refuge since Jasmynn is reading with her own lunch. Our eyes meet briefly and I hold up my paws. Indicating I don’t want beef, and move to a different spot from her, far away from her, which seems to be a suitable peace offering.

**

Home-ec is much the same with Raven chattering nonstop or the lab, this one on balancing home finances and inexpensive ways to get groceries. Heather hums, but seems to be taking notes with a measure of diligence. The more time I spend around her the more strange she is. She and Raven get along well but they’re not friends outside this class. She spends time with the Tetanus Alley group at lunch but isn’t involved in any of the shit they are, probably on something though given her whole… Space cadet thing.

Still something feels off. Like despite Raven’s… Raveness she’s keeping him at arms length. I’m probably overthinking things. She probably just gets a lot of attention from guys. She’s not unattractive, for whatever that’s worth coming from me.

Not everyone is fucked up like you.

I sigh, earning a look from Raven and a glance form Heather, “something wrong?” Raven’s got his head cocked to the side. I realize I must seem like I’m having trouble follow. “Oh, no just thinking about getting home tonight. I might be staying late and the ride back to Echo’s long.” Both Heather and Raven nod accepting that. “I’ll probably just call my dad it’s just you know. Annoying.”

At least they’ll be happy I’ve decided to try out. What I said to Darick isn’t wrong. I need more water time than I’ve gotten since leaving Echo. Plus scholarships and references, another little nuisance to get what I want. I just need to remind myself.

Great go from one thing on my mind to another. I glance up at the clock and my face immediately falls. Still twenty minutes of class.

**

English is quiet, the teacher’s started avoiding calling on me, one too many times answering with a well reasoned answer. And one time is one time too many having a reading of the text that contradicts his but being able to back it up. He’s stopped calling on me, though I do take a certain pleasure in raising my hand when no one else does. Even waiting juuuuust long enough for him to get desperate.

Watching his look of relief seeing a hand twist into an ugly expression of disdain when he realizes he’s just called on me is a special kind of funny.

Jasmynn rolls her eyes, well just because she has no joy is doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy myself.

**

I get a look from Jasmynn when I walk away from the bus stop instead of towards it but she doesn’t say or do anything. She just cocks her head a moment before deciding to go out the other direction.

Walking towards the school pool is nerve wracking, I don’t even know if I’m a good fit, honestly I know I’m probably not the right fit. I try to think there has to be a reason one of the team invited me right?... Yeah I’m a god damn water clown. Getting to the pool with that thought has me enter with a scowl on my face. Which earns a couple looks from the people there. I was surprised to see Darick who’s also looking at me with pretty naked curiosity.

The Labrador who'd given me the flyer waves, “Oh cool! You came, bro this is the guy I was talking about.” A tall and broad leopard seal turns around and offers me an apologetic wave. “Yo, glad you decided to show up and sorry about Kyle,” he shoots a look at the lab, “you don’t gotta be here if you don’t wanna. I want my team to enjoy themselves first and foremost.” I shrug, “well I thought about it and I think I’d get more out of trying than not. Rather realize I’m not a good fit than wonder if I could hack it ya know?”

The leopard seal smiles with a measure of approval holds out his paw and says “glad to hear it. I’m Kedryck, the lab who needs species sensitivity classes is Kyle” who immediately waves “hi I’m Kyle” and Kedryck’s attempted reply is cut off by a maine coon “and I’m Ryan!” The two of them both crowd my personal space clearly excited to have a new teammate ‘you’re gonna love it here! What’re you doing Saturday? There’s this party at Parson’s you should totally come! Yeah! Darick’s gonna bring a keg.’ This last one is chorused by Darick yelling ‘Don’t go volunteering me for shit!’

Kedryck guides him away from the two who get wrapped up into a conversation about what is evidently Schrodinger's keg. “Right the coyote’s Darick,” I nod, “yeah we have Gym together.” He laughs, “oh? So you’re the otter that wrecked his ass in dodge ball today?” I feel my cheeks heat because I probably should figure people will talk but still it’s awkward. He then points to a guy in the back I hadn’t noticed, “hey Carter come introduce yourself!” He shrinks a bit but waves, “hey,” he’s got a slight accent, kinda sounds like Leo’s but not quite the same. He’s a lizard species I don’t fully recognize, I shrug and take his claw, “Chase; hey…” I look at the three still debating kegs, “are they always like that?”

Both the others laugh, “pretty much. Don’t worry though they mean well they’re just; really social.” My brain decides to translate this as ‘idiots.’ “Alright Chase take your mark, I want you to do a couple laps in various styles. I’ll time you, Carter, I want you timing the group while I eval the newbie, switch off with Kyle after two laps then all of us are gonna finish with a full pool lap. Everyone got that?” There’s a chorus of affirmations at varying degrees of enthusiasm.

The rest of the practice goes, well I suppose. Apparently I’m still rusty from the conditioning I had from Dogeir but luckily I’m decent enough even with it that Kedryck said he can meet me after school tomorrow so we can narrow down which form I should focus on. I’m surprised by the relief I felt being picked up by the team. By the end my muscles ache and I don’t have a chance to take any deep time but I still feel calmer, and more centered.

The locker room is small but decently equipped. Kyle runs in with Ryan on his back… aaaand without his swimsuit. “Dammit you two! I don’t wanna see that shit!” Darick shouts as they come in. Kyle swings around and drops Ryan while turning on his shower. “Whatever bro,” Kyle says but Ryan jumps in, “how’re things going with Heather? You sure you don’t wanna double up?” Darick scowls, “she uh, I don’t think she knew that I was asking her out.”

The other two make exaggerated ‘aaaws,’ which I’d presume was facetious until Kyle looks around the shower and says, “you want some help? I’m sure we could wingman for ya.” Darick rolls his eyes, “do homos even know what girls like?” Ryan laughs and sticks out his tongue, “duh, gay best friends man.”

I tune out the rest of it when Kedryck comes in, “yeah Darick don’t be an ass about phrasing, but if I see you two strip before you’re fully in the locker rooms again I will have you swimming drills for the rest of the week.” Kyle reels like he’s been punched “whu? It was just us though!” Ryan thinks a moment, “yeah like we see each other in the buff everyday?”

Carter comes in last with a towel around his waist but puts it over the wall between the showers and the locker room proper, “yeah but we have a new guy. And you guys don’t know how he feels about all this...” Kyle looks actually hurt and shoots me a look, “oh no dude! We didn’t make you uncomfortable did we?!” He’s using the extremely expressive Labrador eyes on me, before Ryan cuts in, “unless you’re a phobe, then I’mma get down and give Kyle a blowie right here.”

This earns him a slap upside the head from Darick, “like fuck you are! Was once not enough?!” That turns all eyes to the two but Kyle’s tail is just wagging while he laughs, “dude your fault for not knocking man.” Ryan laughs too, “yeah, it was a house party you never know who’s doing what in the bathrooms.” I think I hear Carter mutter something about there being something in the water. I just shrug, “it’s not something I think about Ryan. I went to an all boys school so it’s not like we had the options to figure out what we’re into.”

That earns me a look, “dude, were your parents like… Catholic or something?” Ryan asks in a surprisingly earnest tone. I grit my teeth and I don’t want to get into it, “or something...” I pointedly reply, which Kedryck takes as the moment to say “so Chase you in Payton or Echo?” I blink looking baffled a moment, Darick answers, “Echo, he and Jeremy ride the same bus.” Kedryck nods and asks me “I can give you a ride too? Darick lives over that way and the school reimburses me gas money so they don’t need to send another bus that way.” I think I here Ryan mutter, ‘bro that means you ride with Clint? Gross man, dudes a phobe and a speciesist.’ I shrug, “I was just gonna call my dad… but if you’re going that way sure?”

**

After we’re showered and back in our street clothes we split off into groups of three, Kyle, Ryan and Carter hopping into an old ford with a wave while Darick and I follow into Kedryck’s jeep. “So I hope you weren’t scared off by our madhouse,” Darick says while Kedryck smiles keeping his eyes out for any of the numerous potholes in Echo’s roads. Deftly avoiding most as someone who’s clearly traveled this way often. I nod “yeah it’s not so bad, Kyle and Ryan aren’t malicious and they don’t intentionally try to insult me like Clint and Jeremy,” though thinking on it beyond giving me shit Jeremy hasn’t said much, neither has Clint honestly, too distracted by getting at Micha.

Kedryck nods at the road, glancing at me in the mirror, “for sure Chase. They’re good people just you know.” I smirk, “dumb as a box of bricks?” That earns a frown from Kedryck but a laugh from Darick, “pretty much.” Kedryck sighs, “they’re plenty smart in their own ways just… Kinda focused on their own things without quite getting it on anything else.”

The rest of the drive is quiet Darick gets dropped off first as he’s towards the edge of Echo, about halfway to the rez. Which I realized means Darick’s probably at least partially Meseta seeing the location of his house and some of the decorations. He salutes, “aight guys ‘m heading out. Seeya at practice Ryck. See you in Gym Chase.” He runs towards his house with us waving towards his back. Or more Kedryck waving, me just giving a single participatory raised hand.

As we get closer to my street and I get out I can see a scuffle of some sort down the road, I realize I recognize the red fur. As I get out I can see Leo’s got someone pinned to the ground he brings his fist back, blood flecking it, “well well, and they call me psycho.” My phone’s up and I’m making like I’m recording, he looks up and snarls, “get out of here otter.” I roll my eyes, “how about nah? See this is the kind of violence we don’t get on TV since dad cut the cable. I bet the school’s mailing list would love to see star footballer Leo Alveraz’s true colors, hell keep going like that and someone else’ll get the killer moniker.”

He stands up and makes like he’s gonna stalk over and make me regret it. “Think you can beat me before I press ‘send all?’” He narrows his eyes “Or maybe we skip all this and I finish the job this time?” Leo’s not afraid of me but he doesn’t know me anymore. Our stand off is broken by a car horn and Kedryck leaning out his jeep, “you good Chase?” Instead of continuing the wolf decides on discretion turning and walking away, smart choice considering I wasn’t bluffing. I turn to Kedryck a little weirded out by having someone back me up. “Yeah I’m just gonna head home.” Though I do cock my head to indicate the guy on the ground is also my priority.

I hear him pull away while turning to look at the unfortunate victim was... And I kinda regret not letting it continue because Clint is rolling over groaning but when he sees me the polecat spits. “Didn’t need your help psycho fag,” I make a shocked expression “oh? So that was consensual? I didn’t know you were into rough play Clint? Or was Leo just giving you a back alley nose job for your Victoria’s Secret shoot?” He scowls and makes like he’s going to get up but his ankle’s swollen to shit. Ignoring his whinging I haul him up one arm over my shoulder, “so Clint what racist or homophobic or combo platter of heinous shit set off anger management this time?” Because it’s Clint and that means this goes from ‘entirely undeserved’ to only ‘sort of undeserved.’

“Fuck yourself” he growls. I make a hum, “that’s a bit tame to set Leo off, even though he has a short fucking fuse so I don’t think I believe you.” He turns away, “I don’t need your help fa-” I smile sweetly to him and say “hey Clint wanna know what I learned from the staff at Dogeir? I learned how to make it look like an accident...” I consider a moment “or a suicide. So don’t fucking think I was bluffing just now.” Hauling him down the block he starts struggling “this aint the corner of Jasmynn” I hum again, “nope, you telling me your dad keeps a first aid kit lying around? No? Well then shut the fuck up and stop being a bitch about getting help.”

He’s quiet the rest of the way, “bathroom’s at the end of the hall,” my parent’s house isn’t big by any stretch but it’s bigger than Clint’s dad’s trailer for sure. I sit him down on the toilet, “shirt off your back’s bleeding too.” He sneers, “you just wanna undress me fag?” I look at him appraising, “nah, you’re way mouthier than I like my twinks.” He sputters but that shuts him up long enough to get disinfectant on his split lip and start bandaging his ankle. “Alright back, I’m not doing all this work just so you can get sepsis and die. Or whatever else Echo’s got in it’s dirt.” He turns and winces while I apply more alcohol, “that fancy boarding school teach you this shit?” I make a noncommittal noise wondering how much I should answer. Then again I’ve heard things Clint says, seen him and Micha both come to school without lunch more often than not. Seen him limping around town. Not as much Micha since he and Leo hooked up, which means he probably doesn’t know about this. “Sort of, not like an official curriculum but you learn how to treat it or you end up with scars and bald patches. Only from the sloppy instructors though. Most of them make sure the only bruising is hidden by fur and scale.”

Finishing up Clint starts to replace his shirt, “listen I know that you like to piss off Leo but you know even with my recording it’s like a fifty/fifty if anything actually happens right? He brings in federal grant money so he could probably beat either of us into a coma and get maybe a detention.” Luckily Leo’s either too stupid or too decent to think that way. If it’d been Sydney then we both would have been fucked. Clint just shrugs, “whatever, what the fuck else is he gonna take from me?” That’s an honest question, I know that he and Jeremy still hang out, but still ‘losing’ Micha probably sucks.

“Your friendship with Micha, because you’ve not lost him yet but if you keep shitting on him for being gay and picking fights with his SO is more likely to do-” Clint glares and cuts me off. “Fuck yourself. You think I don’t know that shit? You don’t know dick about any of us. You don’t wanna hear anything about your precious lil friend-” now it’s my turn to cut him off I force him back to sitting and I loom.

“My ‘friends’” I drawl out the word ‘friends’ in the most venomous sarcasm I can muster. “Left me to rot in Dogeir, for years. Years without contact Clint. Years I got reminded every fucking day that being locked up. Being deprived of water, being pit against the other boys like scorpions in a bottle, of-” things Clint cannot know. No one can know. Things no one will know. Never. “They aren’t my friends. Say what you want to say and how about we just see if I don’t get it.” I don’t know what my expression is like but Clint swallows audibly, “Leo’s just… He’s no good okay? He’s controlling, he’s a damn bully still like we don’t matter. Like we aint worthy of being Micha’s friends.”

I sigh, “listen, I don’t doubt any of that but I bet Jasmynn would fuck Leo up if she thought he was being abusive to Micha and Micha doesn’t seem like the type to roll over for Leo… Outside of the sack anyway.” Clint stands up and starts towards the door, “yeah that friend group’s soooooo good at looking out for each other. Just ask Toby. Oh waaaait~.” By the time what he just dropped on me registers he’s on his way out the door and I try to grab him but he shrugs me off. “What about Toby?! CLINT!” He just flips me off and keeps going.

I-I didn’t think… I didn’t know what. I thought it was just that he didn’t want to see me, that we didn’t have any classes together. But no I realize… I haven’t seen Toby at school once. The ground feels shakey beneath my paws. Everything blurs around the edges.

**

It’s not until I snap the first aid kit closed and putting it away that I realize I’ve been running on auto pilot. That my brain is scrambling, wondering what I missed. HOW I missed it. How I didn’t notice the lack of the lynx’s presence. I did I just. I was so wrapped up in my stupid self-pity to care. I stumble like a puppet towards the bathroom, just splash some water on my face and I’ll be good that’s it. Just gotta ground myself.

Entering the bathroom I shuffle towards the sink, shaky paws beneath me, cold linoleum on my pads. I splash cold water on my face and shudder. The lights go out. There’s just enough of a sliver of light from the partially clouded moon coming in through the window to make out the edges of my reflection. It’s wrong, twisted, there’s an expression on its face I can’t place, but I know it’s wrong. The mouth a hideous Glasgow smile going back almost to just below ‘my’ ears.

The suspicion it’s not really me is proven when I hear it; ℍ𝔼𝕃𝕃𝕆 ℂℍ𝔸𝕊𝔼. It’s voice is the rattle of dead leaves on the wind. The breath of stale air echoing from the mines. The whisper of the wind on gravel. The whispers that sometimes, when I was younger, I could have sworn were voices. 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕐 𝔸ℝ𝔼. No no no no no no; this isn’t real, it’s just… Just Dogeir, the trauma manifesting as. 𝔸 𝕃𝕀𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕋𝔼𝕃𝕃 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ𝕊𝔼𝕃𝔽 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕂ℕ𝕆𝕎 𝕀𝕋. 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕀𝕊 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝕃. That’s impossible. But even in my most self deprecating and lowest moments my inner voice was never like this. Never this ageless, monolithic, hostile, thing. 𝕋ℍ𝔸𝕋’𝕊 ℝ𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 ℂℍ𝔸𝕊𝔼. 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕂ℕ𝕆𝕎 𝕎ℍ𝕐 𝕀’𝕄 ℍ𝔼ℝ𝔼.

“Toby.” 𝕋ℍ𝔸𝕋’𝕊 ℝ𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋. ℙ𝕆𝕆ℝ 𝕋𝕆𝔹𝕐, 𝕎ℍ𝕆 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕃𝔼𝔽𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕆ℕ𝔼. 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℂ𝔸ℕℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔽𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 𝔽𝔸𝕋𝔼 ℂℍ𝔸𝕊𝔼. 𝕊𝕐𝔻ℕ𝔼𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝔼𝕊 𝕋ℍ𝔼ℝ𝔼, 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ ℙ𝔸𝕎𝕊 𝕊𝕋𝔸𝕀ℕ𝔼𝔻 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝔹𝕃𝕆𝕆𝔻, ℙℝ𝕆𝕋𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔸 𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝕆𝔽 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼. 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕀𝕊 𝔸𝕊 𝕀𝕋 𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 𝔹𝔼. 𝔹𝕌𝕋 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝔸𝕀𝕃𝔼𝔻. ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕐 ℍ𝔸𝕊 ℍ𝔼 ℍ𝕌ℝ𝕋 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝔸𝕀𝕃𝔼𝔻? ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕐 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃 ℍ𝕌ℝ𝕋 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℂ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻ℕ’𝕋 𝔼ℕ𝔻 𝕀𝕋?

No. I’m not, I didn’t, I couldn’t. 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℂ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼, 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼, 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕄𝔸𝕂𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊𝔸𝕄𝔼 𝕄𝕀𝕊𝕋𝔸𝕂𝔼 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ? 𝕆ℝ 𝕊ℍ𝔸𝕃𝕃 𝕀 ℍ𝔼𝕃ℙ 𝕐𝕆𝕌?

“Why?” Eldritch horrors beyond time don’t just ‘help.’ But I can’t voice that no matter how hard I try, it’s like my only control is stripped from me. There’s a hand around my throat. I only get to answer when it wants me to. 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕋𝕆𝕎ℕ ℕ𝔼𝔼𝔻𝕊 𝕊𝔼ℂℝ𝔼𝕋𝕊. 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕊𝕆𝕄𝔼𝕆ℕ𝔼 ℕ𝔼𝔼𝔻𝕊 𝕋𝕆 𝕊𝕋𝕆ℙ ℍ𝕀𝕄. 𝔹𝔼𝔽𝕆ℝ𝔼 ℍ𝔼 ℍ𝕌ℝ𝕋𝕊 𝕊𝕆𝕄𝔼𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝔼𝕃𝕊𝔼. The reflection leans in and I feel the weight of it. 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝔸𝕀𝕃 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ? The lights flick back on and the bathroom is just an empty bathroom. Mom’s tacky clam shell shaped bar soap in it’s wave dish. Soap dispenser with the fish backdrop. Daisy tile around the place where tile meets drywall. It’s all the same, empty, quiet and safe. But there’s that lingering thought. Is anywhere safe? Is anyone safe?

Chapter Text

The night’s quiet and cold, I shudder from the wind coming off of Lake Emma. Most people think I’d never wanna come back here after; 𝙃𝙀 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪, what happened. Why shouldn’t I though? 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮. I survived. 𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣. I didn’t get shipped off to boot camp or whatever. 𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚. Lake Emma is mine. Is it? It’s also where no one bothers me. Not even Flynn realizes this is where I like to hang out to be alone. 𝙉𝙤 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. 𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚? MINE I think, practically hissing it at the intrusive thoughts. 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙬𝙪𝙢 𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚? 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙬𝙪𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙀𝙘𝙝𝙤 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚? He doesn’t need to dignify that. 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙤...

Stubbing out the cigarette on the boulder I slip down the massive sandstone edifice. I need something to drink. Preferably alcoholic but the convenience store cashiers in Echo give more of a fuck than the ones in Payton. Probably because they’ve known all of us since we were ten. Walking in I take a moment to appreciate the manager’s sense of climate control. They shut the AC off around evening so the store’s nicely temped from the chill of a desert night outside. Not like in Payton where they run the damn things until well after sundown. Looking around I opt to grab my favored drink, that I can legally buy, a cold brew. There’s supposed to be booze at the party so it’s not like I gotta worry about being up all night.

When I go to pay though I can’t help notice someone, someone I haven’t seen in a while. Barely even a glimpse in the last few years which is impressive since Echo’s a tiny ass no horse town at the crossroads of podunk and boonies. I wait until Toby gets in line in front of the register before I slide in putting my drink next to his gummy snacks. “Hey there buddy,” I slip my arm around his shoulder, “how about I cover this time?” He withers and we get a look but a quick smile and the cashier wanting to get through this customer interaction finishes any suspicious glances. Toby’s ears fold back as I guide him out the door. 𝙋𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙘

Once we’re out into the night air I guide Toby forcing him along despite his weak attempts to duck out from under my arm. To show I’m not playing I slam him against the wall, pinning him. It feels good to do this again. Remind this little prick, so meek and pathetic, that he’s not so great. He has it good and all it does is make him so fucking fragile. So 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠. So 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨. “Damn Toby. After how long we don’t see each other and now you’re just acting like you wanna ditch me? That’s cold you know.” I hold him against the wall, his warm fragile little body squirming. “Kinda think you should say sorry.” Can’t even say it, so what if my paws are at his throat now?

His eyes are wide his pupils blown with fear and shining with tears. 𝙎𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜. Sharp pain hits me, liquid fire carving through my wrist. Bloody gashes left by his claws in one wrist. “𝙁𝙪𝙘𝙠! 𝙇𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝!” I growl, before I hear a car horn. The distraction is enough for Toby to duck out and scarper into the night. “Tch,” I click my tongue as a voice announces from the truck “Oi Shitbird, you wanna be more late to Parson’s?” Flynn, my ride, arriving ten minutes late, just in time to ruin it, 𝙣𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. I roll my eyes and pull my jacket sleeve down don’t need him to listen to him whine about injuries. “Who was that?” He asks once I shut the door, with a shrug I answer, “Just some tweeker ass begging for hand outs. Fucking had to teach his 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚.” Flynn side eyes me. But he drops it fast enough, he’s reliable like that.

[Two Days Earlier Chase PoV]

I don’t bother to listen to the conversations around me, Jeremy tried to needle me a couple times but all I could muster is a grunt. That little voice in my head gleefully reminding me that I’m in my own head, self-pitying, lamenting my own mistakes. The same thing I did when I first got here that kept me from paying attention to the person who is missing. But what can I do?

Follow the advice of that thing? I shudder, something’s wrong, am I undergoing a psychotic break? I remember hearing that I’m the right age to start developing schizophrenia. Yeah that’s a screening I should go through. ‘Hey parents who sent me to baby-jail for a cool fifty-K, I think I might have one of the most stigmatized problems in the world. Mind taking me in for a screening and not institutionalizing me again? I’d appreciate it.’

I don’t even notice if Leo or Sydney came to greet Jasmynn and try to liquefy my insides via eye contact. I’m still in this spiral by the time Math ends. Mrs. Byrnes stops me on my way out, “Chase do you mind checking in with me for a sec?” Jasmynn obviously curious about this is given a look and she rolls her eyes before leaving the room. Mrs. Byrnes shakes her head fondly then looks to me with open concern. “Are you doing okay Chase?” ‘No,’ I don’t answer. Instead I shrug, “Trouble sleeping why?” She’s scrutinizing me and she’s not saying anything. Not the whole story and I suspect we both know it.

“Well alright Chase, but I noticed you are slipping a bit. Would you be interested in a Saturday tutoring session? I run them at the local library for all ages and it’s not just math. It’s a study hall too. When she can make it Jasmynn is a frequent visitor.” That’s not exactly something that makes me inclined to join. Still I sigh, “I won’t be able to join this weekend. I’m working with the swim team.” I smile, it feels tight and wrong on my face, I know it doesn’t meet my eyes, “Trying to get out of the funk. That’s probably all that’s going wrong.” She nods, thinking a moment, “Well how about this, if you’re not satisfied with your grade on next Fridays quiz I will allow an after school makeup session, all students have a chance to take part. If so I recommend a study session on Saturday.”

I narrow my eyes, “Why do you think I’ll need a retest?” Byrnes holds up my homework, “You’re dropping from a ninety to a seventy six and I haven’t even finished grading this.” I can feel my cheeks reddening and my ears heating up. Well fuck. She’s got me there. Maybe, even if my quiz isn’t a bad grade I should spend some extra time on this. “Uh, sure if I can find time to get up here,” I can probably guilt mom or dad into giving me a ride. My brain’s already trying to set things up, trying to organize my life around the storm of emotion inside.

Trying to decide when and how I should do what I need to do. I walk past the trophy case, flanked by photos of each of the current teams. The wrestling team photo brings something deep and spiteful inside me to the surface. I hurry past towards class. I don’t need to look as I walk by the oak case to feel the unnatural amber eyes of my reflection following me.

Chemistry is done in near robotic efficiency, between our earlier disagreement and my mind being anywhere but in the classroom Julian and I just follow instructions and record our results.

Gym operates the same way, cold, empty, methodical. Darick looks at me funny but he’s pulled away as he’s been assigned a different team. Afterwards between the locker room and my heading towards the courtyard for lunch Jeremy intercepts me. “I’ll be getting more stock on Friday. Bring cash to the party at Parson’s.” I blink a moment but he’s already turned and left leaving me to gawk in the hallway like I’m having a stroke.

That’s how it goes, without Heather to bounce off Raven’s making a one sided conversation with I’d say me but is really just himself. Occasionally I barely respond to his questions, eventually it peters out with a whine… He spends the rest of class pouting.

I think the English teacher decides to take my sullen silence as a blessing. Packing up I remember that Kedryck wanted to do more focused style training, getting into my swim suit Kedryck is waiting for me in the pool. “Alirght I want you to try out a few different strokes.” I grunt and he stops me from getting in the pool. “If you don’t want to be here, don’t. I don’t want to waste my time or yours on something you won’t enjoy and put effort into.”

“BACK OFF!” I shrug his paw off. “I’ve got shit on my mind that isn’t swimming or class or whatever fucking drama is-” his voice cuts through the fog around my brain. “HUNTER!” I flinch and curl in and something shifts inside his expression. “Take five,” but he grabs me before I can turn away fully, he cocks his head towards the pool. “Deep end, five minutes, then we see if you’re ready to start.”

I don’t want to give him any credit, but here at the bottom of the pool I can think. For the first time since yesterday I don’t have a million panicked hate filled thoughts buzzing around in my brain. It’s… quiet. I try to think things through. Organize my thoughts. It’s all still a mess but… I think I can recenter enough to get through this. Get through today then start finding out exactly what happened.

Turns out my tail makes me a solid for the breaststroke. Kedryck has me on it and a second for the butterfly in case Carter has to bow out for whatever reason. I can see it, given his own tail and wide feet. “What is Carter? I’ve never met a lizard like him?” Kedryck laughs, “Okay so normally I’d be getting on your ass for a speciest question but you had enough tact to ask me alone so I can let it slide. But Carter’s a Jesus lizard.” I must be looking at him real weird because he smirks, “It’s true! His people run on water.” That’s when I remember reading about them, “A basilisk. How is ‘Jesus lizard’ not Speciest?” Kedryck elbows me in the side, not hard, but I still sway, “Because I’m team captain.” I roll my eyes.

“Hey… Kedryck...” He looks over to me “hmm?” I sigh wondering if I really want to know, “Do you know anyone named Tobias Hess? He usually goes by Toby?” He thinks a moment. “No, can’t say I do. He go here?” I run an agitated hand through my headfur. “I would have thought so but. I don’t know. Not really. He lived in Echo, before I left.” Kedryck thinks, “I dunno, what’s he like?” I walk towards the locker room, “Lynx, religious family but in the aggressively welcoming and helpful kind of way. I’m just… I’m worried okay? I haven’t seen him since I got back and he and Sydney… Sydney liked to pick on him and he’s the ‘turn the other cheek’ kind of guy… no matter how much it escalated. So I’m kinda. Clint said some stuff yesterday.”

Kedryck looks around his shower station and sighs, “Listen Chase I’m not going to rip on who you hang out with. I know Echoites kinda get the short end around here but well. Clint’s….” I deadpan right to his face, “A bigoted asshole? Yeah we aren’t exactly friends he and I’ve just got a little less bad blood than the other Echo kids. Marginally.” He snorts, “Alright yeah, he’s a bigoted asshole so maybe not your best source?” Then he looks pensive, “That said… Well Sydney’s got a rep too. And I know you weren’t the first otter Kyle tried to headhunt.” I shake my head, “water clown recruitment.” Kedryck looks embarrassed on the lab’s behalf, “yeah that’s not inaccurate. He says Sydney just told him to fuck off.” I raise an eyebrow at that, “You don’t believe him?” He shrugs, “Well Ryan fucking hates, and I mean hates Sydney so I suspect it went a bit further than a ‘fuck off.’ I can’t say anything, Kyle’s not said anything, it was months ago now, and well… Wrestling team brings in more fed money than we do if you catch me?”

Something inside me seethes but, this makes me think, I need to do more research, maybe corner one of the others. But I’m not sure who. I could definitely bully Carl, but he’s close with Flynn and by extension Sydney so he probably wouldn’t even consider it. Jasmynn’s got no love for Sydney and was close with Toby but she’s not going to just talk to me. Maybe tomorrow at lunch. Maybe a successful push for state will change the fed money situation.

Great just what I needed. A reason to care.

**

I take out the overly peppy school planner I received once my paper work finished. They aren’t very good for actually planning my time. Too small to adequately block off hours in the day. But they are good for prioritizing what needs doing for each day. I look over my list.

1. Speak with Jasmynn

2. Math quiz

3. Get to Parson’s on Saturday

4. Get mom and dad off my back for that day

5. Weekend homework priorities

Leaning back at my desks I stretch realigning my back and switching over to math. A bit more control. But I still need to decide. What will I do about it if the worst is what happened? Can I really jeopardize my future, my way out of Echo to stop him? Is it revenge or am I protecting people…

Do I deserve to make that choice?…

**

Much like yesterday I’m stuck going through the motions. Match, Chemistry, Gym, Lunch, Home Ec, APUSH, and finally English. I had a goal and now I’m stuck between goals. I’ve never been good at making choices. At being decisive when I need to be.

Maybe it’s why Sydney’s alive and… No, I try to remember what I was told yesterday. I don’t know what happened. I need to remember that. I need to hold onto that. Until I can get some answers. Gym’s finishing up the volleyball section and the teacher announces next week will be running before thanksgiving break. When break ends it’ll be swimming until mid December.

Lunch is the only time worth noting today. Taking a few breaths to steady my nerves I walk into the courtyard normally I’d go to the opposite side of the courtyard and avoid Jasmynn entirely but not today. Why am I even doing this? It’s not my responsibility.

I need to know. “Jasmynn,” she doesn’t look up, “I need to ask you something.” She doesn’t look up she doesn’t stop eating. Or reading, it’s like I’m a ghost. But no matter what she tries her ears give her away. “Where’s Toby,” that causes her to pause, then she continues like nothing happened and I take a breath then let it out. “Jasmynn I’m serious… Clint said stuff yesterday and… God dammit is he okay?” I don’t know if it’s the tone in my voice or what but she clicks her tongue and looks up at me. “Leave him alone Chase. Toby’s been through enough and he doesn’t need you in his life.”

I wanna scream at her for this but… He’s alive. I sag, hitting the dusty hot ground “So he’s okay?” She looks at me hard. “Yes Chase. He just gets home schooled now.” I narrow my eyes but there’s something she’s not telling me. But that doesn’t matter. Still I nod and ease myself up. She can’t look me in the face but does say “You were really worried?” Or maybe it wasn’t a question.

Either way if she’s not going to tell me everything, she doesn’t get to hear my mental state.

**

Raven is fretting when I take my seat, I’m close to late but not quite. That conversation with Jasmynn was more than I wanted to deal with. A necessity but exhausting. He’s staring at me and he sags when I sit down, “Oh thank goodness. I thought I was gonna be by myself again.” I look over him, the lazy glance isn’t, for once, because I’m trying to project disdain and apathy. I’m genuinely tired.

“Heather out again?” He nods, “Yeah, Jasmynn told the teacher she was dealing with some things at home but handed her homework to her.” Jasmynn doesn’t have that many classes with Heather, not given how many are AP with me. “Really? She better be careful.” Raven nods, “Yeah I think she did that bit for Heather, I don’t know if they really have time to meet up before school.

I look at him, “I meant Heather. Jasmynn will help out if she’s sympathetic but she’ll go off if she feels like she’s being taken advantage of.” Raven cocks his head like a confused pup. Is that specieist? Probably. Eh whatever I didn’t say it outloud and it’s far from the worst intrusive thought I’ve had.

“If she’s at Parson’s on Saturday I’ll let her know.” I smirk to him, “I know at least one guy who’d jump to help her with her homework or do study sessions with her.” I give the husky a meaningful look because I suspect he’s down bad on the same level as Darick.

**

Getting to the party would be a mild challenge. But since the swim team invited me I should have an out. Push comes to shove I’d just sneak out. No cop in the state will come to Echo for anyone missing for less than forty-eight hours. And no cop would come to Echo for anyone likely dead. Which if they hadn’t turned back up after those forty eight hours is the likely case nine-point-nine times out of ten. Still sneaking out in this instance felt wrong. A violation of trust.

A vestigial piece of filial piety that I am fully aware he’d need to excise in order to leave Echo behind as thoroughly as I’m coming to realize I’ll need to. “I’ll be going out,” I announce at dinner. This earns me a look from the parents. Like I did not just state something as an assurance without the deigning of their permission.

“Swim team’s going to a party. Sounds like some pre-break thing. Mother smiles tightly, “Well I suppose you do need to bond.” Father scowls, ah a reversal of the last dinner talk, “Have you finished your homework?” I look at him in the eye, I haven’t, gotten the framework down just need to refine the little fiddly bits in the APUSH and English, then check my work and finish the back half for math and chem. “Of course,” he searches my face for the hint of a lie. I used to be abhorrent at it as a child. I’ve gotten quite a lot better at it.

They don’t need to know that though. “Be home by ten,” I look to the clock’s eight fifteen PM. And I look at him, “Of course.” I repeat and I can see the moment he realized he can no longer tell if I’m lying. He hates it.

I relish it.

**

The walk to the Parson’s is long enough to make my stubby legs feel it but not enough to be sore. Parson’s Manufacturing is one of the many emptied out businesses that sprouted up after the slow decline of the town. When various bureaucrats and scavenging managers tried to keep the town on life support. Most were just jackals and vultures here to pick at the corpse. Parson’s however tried. The great concrete edifice standing watch over the desert, bleached and hollow eyed like an alien skull is a monument to that attempt. And Echo’s resistance to revitalization. White, almost unnaturally, where it wasn’t colored in the neon squiggles of graffiti or sandblasted by dust and grit.

Finding the entrance is a pain, sure there are many holes and loading docks but they’re all boarded up. Or chained up. It takes me a minute to find one, in what must have been an underground parking ramp. Some aggressively gothic club music, all synth organs and base beats pour out from an entrance. Along with multicolored lights, maybe even blacklight. I hope it’s not real blacklight, I don’t even want to think about what those lights may illuminate. I see a knot of my peers gathered around a fat squat keg. Darick leading the raucus conversation. The strange cat in my home ec class swaying alongside it with the music. I wonder if she’s drunk.

“So Darick it looks like the twins got you to bring the keg I see,” I approach with a wave. He looks at me and squints. “Oh ya Chase. Fuck ya. I brought this cause I wanted to. Kylen his boyfren aint got shit on me!” He then downs what was in the little red cup and throws his arms in the air to a cheer from the crowd. Okay so Darick’s a prick when he’s wasted. I roll my eyes and tap Heather on the shoulder. “Hey you might wan-” she recoils from the touch and “No!” Her eyes are glazed and I think she may be much more than drunk. “Who… Chase?” Darick storms over, “Eh? You! Leaf Heather alone!” She cringes away from him, only accepting a touch from a female fox. She glances at me, “’s fine Dar, he just surprised me.” The fox glares at me and I hold my paws up, “Sorry Heather, just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Raven and I missed ya in Home Ec.” She smiles dreamily but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Her eyes are shiny like she might’ve started crying if I surprised her worse.

I’m starting to recognize the things she’s doing, the way she carries herself in the crowd. The way she smiles politely at the mention of Raven but nothing else. I feel the ghost of Coach Thompson’s hands, the lingering smell of his breath and aftershave, I shudder and have to work to keep the bile down. Heather seems to see something and I don’t like how naked I feel when her eyes lock with mine. “Raven’s nice...” That seems to be the end of the conversation. I slink away from the group and into the building.

There are people here I recognize from Payton, and from Echo. Leo’s with a few other people, some in Letterman jackets, I assume more football jocks. He’s whinging about Micha hanging out with Clint and Jeremy instead of him. He’s whinging about it loudly. One of his teammates smirks and says “wow you’re down bad for him. Must have an ass like my girlfriend to get you that hung up.” Leo growls and grabs the other male’s jacket. The cheetah’s ears flatten and his eye lower, “Micha’s not like that! Just wish I could get ‘im away from those two. You know. Civilize him a lil, kid’s practically a feral.”

I move away, I don’t know if Leo realizes, or even cares, what saying something like that when the one of the ‘ferals’ he has to save his precious freshman from is Meseta. Jasmynn would make herself a wolfskin rug if she’d been here to hear that. I know they still talk but does she really not interact with them that much? Luckily his tirade has given me what I need to find out where the Tetanus Alley crew is.

Clint, Micha, and Jeremy are on the second floor where a door fell away and the windows broke. Creating a derelict building balcony overlooking the desert. The smell of weed floating through the night from the blunt in Jeremy’s paw. Clint grunts in my direction, Jeremy gets up, Micha glowers with suspicion at me and I give him a nod, “just a heads up you got like maybe another fifteen before Leo starts begging for attention in person.” As if to punctuate my statement a text notification hits Micha’s phone and the bat looks down with an annoyed yet fond expression that I can only assume is reserved for Leo. It’s a good look, beyond his usual shell of bravado and slight contempt. Clint notices it and slinks down against the wall, “Ugh, if he comes up here I’m gonna tell him to suck himself off.”

Micha rolls his eyes, “You do that and I won’t stop him from chucking your tweaker ass off the ledge.” Jeremy snorts and bumps his paw with mine, the exchange is quick and easy. “So hear you’re moving up in the world Schizo. Our little killer’s a jock now. Swim team.” Clint makes an awful little sound accompanied by an awful little expression, “Once an honors always an honors. Or do all the fags just fall into sports? You like eyeing up your teammates?” Then his awful little expression gets meaner, “Surprised they let you near other people in a pool. Don’t that violate your parole?” I glance at him in a cold evaluating way, then to Micha, “You gonna stop me if I throw him off? Leo might get salty about me stealing his kill. ‘Specially after that shit you pulled with Toby.”

Micha looks over at Clint, then back to me, “Eh, worst case he throws you off too. But I might owe ya one shutting him up. What’d he do to Toby?” Clint flips us both off, which we both return, “Didn’t do Jack! Not my fault you think everyone’s like you Schizo. Yeah we all saw you actin like I told you he got mercced.” Jeremy rolls his eyes, “Can you two, I’m sorry three, not go all bitter exes for like five minutes? This is why we don’t date in group.” Micha gives him a sly look, “That your way of coming out Jer? You telling us you a member of the lavender mafia?” Jeremy rubs his temples, I actually laugh a bit, “You look so much like your sister when you do that.” He gives me a bereaved look. “Here I was gonna invite you to something next week. But you come for me like this I may not want to.” Clint looks back “Oh hell no! C’mon we get enough of his ass at schoo-” that’s when we’re interrupted by Leo storming out onto the little concrete refuge.

He shoots me the dirtiest look he can muster, I wiggle the fingers of one paw at him like a coy flirty greeting and he growls “Oh Chula it looks like I got here just in time.” He goes to Micha who waves him off, “If you pick me up like I’m some ingenue I’m gonna bite your dick babe.” He chuckles and slips down next to Micha snuggling him close. Clint makes a gagging noise and decides to leave, Jeremy rolls his eyes but I get the impression that it’s not Clint’s reaction he’s doing it to.

Once we’re out of earshot and Clint’s stomping towards the first floor Jeremy turns back to me. Offering me the blunt he’d been puffing on “You gonna be a regular customer of mine?” I shrug, “Yeah well as long as it’s enough to knock me the fuck out then I don’t give a fuck. Just weed though I don’t need to replace one problem with another.” He nods, “Yeah you mentioned that...” He runs a paw through his head fur, “Listen Chase. Is it nightmares?” I look at him askance like is Jeremy fucking Begay asking after my health? “Why?” He leans back, “Hey don’t be a bitch about it. Just uh, this guy we know Keith. He says it’s something about this town, calls it the Hum. Just uh, well I… you keep buying I’m happy to supply but he might also know something.”

He looks like he wants to say more but instead he says, “I just, I think talking to him’d help. Since, ornery bitch though he is, I’m glad someone was there to pick Clint up and bandage his dumbass. Plus now I know why you’re being such a sad sack.” I nod and take a hit from the joint passing it back to Jeremy, “Well Sunday before break down by the shack back of my place we’re having an Ahoa, lil tradition Keith started so obviously he’ll be there. I can also tell ya what I know there.” It’s not a formal invitation a ‘this is a thing at a time at a place,’ but it’s the closest I’ve heard from any of Tetanus Alley Crew. An option to take or leave, it’s better than an invitation. It’s a choice.

“Why not tell me now?” He stares at me taking the blunt back, “and have Leo gib me because someone slandered one of his precious little friends? Nah man I aint saying shit while any of the Honors Society is in earshot. Cept maybe Jaz, she’s cool about that one thing.”

**

Walking back through Parson’s to get through to the main party is a trip. The way the music echoes from the bowels of the building. The way shadows dance across the walls is unnerving, I thought I saw a chalk outline in one room and I honestly can’t tell if it was the site of an industrial accident, an actual murder, or my peers being edgy. Shambling down the hall I can hear a familiar pair of voices, inside a former storage room, more an alcove off the main party floor, I wonder if I really want to deal with them but I realize I should probably at least do a quality of life check. Tapping the heavy metal door propped open with a cinder block, Darick’s comments in the locker room ringing in my mind.

“Come in we’re decent!” Says Kyle. Followed by Ryan, “we’re clothed I don’t think I’ve been decent a day in my life!” This is followed by a series of giggles like that was the most clever thing anyone’s every put to words. I take a breath, count to ten, then release it. Pushing the door open Ryan and Kyle are propped against a wall. Their clothing rumpled and askew, a suspicious rusty brown-red stain between them. Though it looks like they just separated. “Oh hey! Probie” says Kyle, “is there probation for swimmers?” Ryan giggles, “newbie? Nooooooob?” I wait for the giggles to subside enough to answer “How about Chase?” Kyle pouts, “But that’s boooooring.” Ryan nods, “Yah, you could take a page out of our friend here!” He points at the suspicious stain, “He’s got no legs ‘n a spooky face, and is a bit of a prick. But he likes our nicknames.” He turns to Kyle, “Oh shit or maybe he’s just kinky! He did tell me to choke you.”

I look at the empty space, “What did you two buy off Jeremy?” That starts up another round of laughing, “Fun. We bought fun from Jeremy,” Says Ryan. “AND! Happiness. See money buys happiness.” Suddenly Ryan’s incredibly clever and funny joke about them being indecent became the second most clever spoken quip. I found myself backing away letting the door close, “Okay well you two hydrate or you’ll be very very very hungover tomorrow. Bye.”

They wave enthusiastically and I think that I’m partied out. Time for a walk and some weed honestly. Because I’m also not going to be home on time. I have at least SOME self-respect.

**

As I walk out the entrance, noticing that Darick’s on the ground shuddering unpleasantly and Heather’s on the other end of the parking garage she’s stopped swaying and holds a joint in a trembling hand. I don’t opt to talk to her right now, she’s clearly overstimulated whatever happened before I went inside. “Darick you good?” The coyote looks at me and offers a small thumbs up. Ugh, worst part about caring is I’m going to need to check on him tomorrow. Least I know where he lives. Walking out I see a truck pull up and two people I didn’t want to interact with get out.

“Well, well, well;” Sydney starts to saunter towards me brash and full of bravado. Fucking great, “Didn’t know your ankle monitor has this much range Chase.” Flynn hasn’t said anything but he clearly isn’t happy about this turn of events, cool maybe he can reign in his feral. I shoot him a look implying just that. I suspect that in the intervening years Syd hasn’t exactly been house trained.. Or had his rabies shots. He’s not saying anything. Just observing, like he always does, just watching us. Asshole’s always been so sure he’s on top of everything, when he has no control. I look over to Sydney, “meh. Feral abuse only gets ya a fine.”

Flynn opens his mouth and starts to say something, but he doesn’t get past ‘watch your’ before Sydney’s face twists. His expression is ugly. Like something unnatural is being let loose. His paws are on my shirt and I can feel my own muzzle pull back and my teeth come to bear. 𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕀𝕊 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ ℂℍ𝔸ℕℂ𝔼. 𝕊𝔼𝕃𝔽 𝔻𝔼𝔽𝔼ℕ𝕊𝔼. My hand’s on the switchblade I’ve been carrying for self defense, thumbing the switch to release it when a scaled claw touches Sydney’s wrist.

“Syd, he aint worth it.” Sydney doesn’t want to hear it but something’s stopping him from attacking me alone, “C’mon Flynn, help me hold him down! Teach this fucker a real lesson, aint no one gonna care what we do to him.” Flynn looks at me, there’s disdain in every inch of his examination. “Sure Syd… If you tell me what happened to your wrist.” I follow Flynn’s gaze, my eye movements mirrored by the otter in front of me, raw red streaks in his brown fur. A small rusty splotch also staining his bracelet. I’m curious too. Not enough to drop the out I’ve been given. I shake off Sydney’s grip and slip out around them.

I can hear an argument start behind me, not yelling like I’d expect from them but there’s a tension to those low words that has me on edge. I also wonder if Flynn gave me the exit on purpose.

**

My mind is buzzing, like there’s a swarm of moths in my skull. Delicate wingbeats on the inside of my cranium. I can see it. In every broken window. Every shard of glass. Every piece of metal not dulled into opacity by the elements… Eyes, they’d be mine but they’re wrong. My eyes are brown these eyes though. A field of glittering judging amber stars. All focused on one point. Me. They’re flaying me on their gaze, I can’t escape them, once I lock with them I can’t tear my own eyes away not until.

Someone’s crying in the old schoolyard. I wanna keep walking. Before the eyes come back. Pretend I don’t hear it. It’s not my problem, not my responsibility. I know the crying though is the worst part. The last time I helped him look where it got me. I should turn around and walk away pretend I didn’t see him and we can go back to being how we’re supposed to…

I rest my head against the fence at the play ground entrance and growl out a low drawn out “FUCK.” Toby hears that and startles, looking more like a rabbit than a lynx. Especially when he sees me; then he recognizes me and I can see the relief and tension bleed out of him. Why? Why the fuck is an attempted murderer lurking in the dark reassuring? Because, an unhelpful and gleeful part of my brain supplies. There’s only one other otter that would lurk around in the dark. I remember the thought that day, the one I had to fight off. The one I still need to ignore. ℍ𝔼’𝕃𝕃 𝔻𝕆 𝕀𝕋 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ.

“Ch-Chase?” I step forward, “Toby.” my voice is curt and clipped. Cold, and he sags, like he’d been expecting this and that I just fulfilled those terrible expectations. God it’s the look he’d get whenever Sydney’s play nice facade finally broke down. I hate it, it makes me angry, how dare he. How fucking DARE he compare me. After everything I did, everything I lost, he didn’t even have the decency to explain to me. After what? Expecting that five years on and I’ll still be right there like nothing’s changed.

I glower at him, my voice oozing that righteous fury, “Really Toby?! You want me to sit here and make nice, console you and pick you up after five years of radio silence? No one tried to contact me except my parents on holidays to try and make themselves feel better for shipping me off. So don’t. Just… Fucking don’t try to pretend we’re still friends.” The lynx shrinks in on himself and mumbles, “I tried.” I turn and look at him, hard, he’s still the same Toby he shrinks further under the glare, “What was that?” He looks up eyes shining, he’s not crying, not yet, but he’s close, “I tried! I-I thought you didn’t want to see me. You didn’t want to write me back. Be-because of what I did, that I didn’t say anything… Eventually all the letters just got ‘return to sender’ and I thought that was it. That you hated me.”

I did, I resented him, I wanted for so long to hear why. Why didn’t he say anything about what Sydney did? Why wouldn’t he try to talk to my parents? Why didn’t he try to reach out to me? All that resentment, all that hatred and bitterness I felt towards him all that righteous indignation that pushed me to come speak to him now just… it’s gone. That fire replaced by a hollow empty pit in my stomach, that I believed the fuckers who ruined my life over one of my best friends. I took it out on him too. I just start laughing, I’m laughing so hard that my knees give out and I’m holding my middle. Because my emotional reaction to any of this is broken.

I’m broken, I broke and now I’m back in Echo, where broken things belong. “C-chase?” God he sounds so scared but I can’t get a grip on myself, his paws touch my shoulder, “Hah, s-sorry heh, Toby it’s just-” Toby pulls back eyes wide. “Chase you’re crying.” I bring my paws to the fur beneath my eyes and yeah it’s wet. I’m crying. Toby looks scared but then he seems to make up his mind about something and I have him wrapped around me. “I-I’m sorry Chase.” I freeze a moment but then I return the embrace as he seems like he’s going to pull away. I haven’t been hugged in so long. “Not your fault Toby… Those fuckers.” I feel his ears flatten, “Sorry but… They’re bad people Toby, they made me think no one cared about me anymore. No friends, maybe they shredded my parent’s letters too. Who knows.”

“Why would they do that?” His voice is so small, he genuinely thought I was there to be helped. “Because we’re easier to control when we’re alone, and isolated. We have no one to turn to… No one to tell the bad things.” He looks at me, he wants to know I open my mouth but it sticks. Like a ball of mucus in the back of my throat, freezing my vocal chords, instead I close my mouth and I shake my head. “I-I’m not a baby Chase, I’m going to be fourteen next month! I-I can understand things now.” I chuckle and rest my head in the crook of his shoulder, “I know Toby, but I can’t. I’m not strong enough to.” We sit like that, this strange raw reunion. It feels so right to finally have someone again. One of my friends who didn’t give up.

I hate that place more now. I hate my parents too, even if they tried to write or call. They still sent me there. Still left me there. Toby doesn’t deserve it though. Toby tried, when no one else did. The pit inside me doesn’t feel so cold and hungry anymore. With my childhood friend holding me like he’s the older one.

I smile into his fur, “You really did grow up huh?” He startles a bit, “Whu-huh?” I chuckle, it’s not the unhinged broken laugh before, it’s not a great laugh but it’s real, “You’re grown-up enough to hold someone through a breakdown. Seems pretty mature to me.” I can feel him heat up, he’s blushing, “y-you’re the only one who thinks so.” I pull away enough to look him in the eyes, “Fu- ahem, forget them then Toby,” I try to be reassuring. He chuckles a bit, “Ah, it’s um, I’ve been trying to go by TJ lately...”

Heh, looks like I’m not the only one aiming for reinvention, “So what if you cry or don’t swear, or drink or whatever. You’re mature where it counts, you’re more mature than- TJ you’re the first person to hug me in five years. You knew I needed it and even after all the sh- crap stuff I said. You still helped me.” He giggles and sticks his tongue out, “that’s not a much better word Chase.” This laugh is warm and real, because. That’s so quintessentially Toby. TJ. Whatever. My friend.

For the first time since I’ve returned to Echo, I don’t feel eyes on my back.

Chapter Text

[Keith’s PoV, Day Before Ahoa]

Stepping out of the shade of an abandoned boxcar near to the Alveraz household I stretch and enjoy the cool gloaming air. Micha’s been a good friend, giving of his own bounty to help me. Though it’s unworthy of someone who considers themselves his friend to take. A friend offers and a friend chooses not to accept based on needs. I walk out into the desert humming to myself making a little debate in my head. Thinking up the voices of the philosophers I’ve read. It helps organize my thoughts, especially in those hum spots. As the early morning gloom and cool air begins to warm. I hike out to the site I picked for the Ahoa party. Jeremy texted me last week to say there might be another guest coming.

Clint’s already there, “Hello Clint; you’re up very early today!” Clint smiles, rolls his eyes, and promptly flips me off. “Yeah go figure I don’t wanna die of heatstroke out here,” he tosses a shovel to me and I grab it out of the air with a smile. “Understandable. How’re things going at school. You and Micha getting along again?” He grunts, and starts to dig alongside me, “I guess, Micha’s still cool but… I just. I fucking. How the fuck can he be dating Leo fucking Alveraz that...” He quiets, “He just doesn’t get treated right you know? He just… Leo treats him like he owns him.”

I laugh and look at him leaning on the shovel, “So what? Micha would be better off with you?” Clint balks, “What? No I aint no...” I smirk, the word hurts but Clint doesn’t use it, not on me. I’d be stupid to think he doesn’t use it at all though, so I just answer “A fag?” He looks ashamed and I nod, “If you feel ashamed maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t say it.” He grumbles, “Wouldn’t on you.” I consider, “You ever say it to Micha?” The way his ears flatten is enough of an answer. “Clint, I’m not going to tell you what to do but I’ll say if you think Leo isn’t treating Micha right. Maybe treat him how he should be treated.” He looks up and sniffs, “I said I aint gay!” I laugh and he growls a bit but I hold up my paws, “Now I didn’t say that Clint. You can treat someone the way you think they should be without wanting to get in their pants. Hell I’d say that’s maybe what people should be doing.”

Clint doesn’t say anything but that’s how I know he’s thinking. I know there’s a genuinely good man there. Close to the surface too, just behind a wall of fear that’s bricked up with hateful words. He’s the prime example of someone who needs a little patience. As we work to finish, smoothing out the fire pit and piling a ring of stones around it I smile. “Looks good. Alright Clint you go enjoy your day. I think I’ll get a walk in and collect some firewood for us.” Clint looks conflicted a minute, “You sure you don’t want help with that?” I laugh, “I’d love it. So if you want to bring some mesquite with you tomorrow I’d be grateful.”

Clint smiles and starts packing it up, “Alright, gotta get something to cover up your musky ass.” I laugh while good naturedly flipping him off. “Oh fuck off Clint you don’t exactly smell like a rose right now.” Still it was nice to have him around to help out. I walk towards the river, feeling the cool air come off the low valley still in the shade. The air of the river doesn’t have the same stagnancy as the lake, the Hum isn’t over here the way it is in Lake Emma. “Keith,” a high breathy voice I know well. I turn and I can feel the hurt bubbling up inside of me.

I need to take a breath, and I need to count, I need to remind myself that there’s good in everyone but then I turn around. “Brian,” the bear, my ex-boyfriend, and the first and so far only man I’ve ever loved is standing there. He looks sheepish, I remember how he was when we first opened our place. I thought he was outgoing but it was so nice to see someone awkward and, well, a person. Worried about tending a bar and having a successful business. It reminds me that like my kiddos he’s probably just scared and hurt and he wanted someone to face the world with.

I sigh, because I understand that but I didn’t want to be in that position. Not yet, “Hey” he looks up hopeful. “I was wondering if. Well I heard you needed a place to stay and I got a place in Echo set up. I want you in my life Keith and I can’t bear the idea that I ruined that. It’s all I ever wanted, and… I’m sorry you weren’t ready. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.” I know that’s what we argued about. I just didn’t see why it had to be like that? Why couldn’t we have our business and we just buy a place and get together. I could come out when I didn’t need my mom anymore.

“Listen just, hear me out,” I nod, “I’m having a party for my kiddos, the ones that used to hang with us. Pick me up afterwards. We- we can talk about us then.” He smiles, that small smile reserved for me. Some bitter hurt part of me says it’s like a spider that found something caught in its web.

**

[Chase PoV Monday Before]

I feel off, I exchanged numbers with the only remaining of my old friends. It feels so weird to be with someone I knew before Dogeir, to rebuild what I had on my terms. Not to start anew because I get thrown together with someone in class. It just feels so wild. I’ve messaged Kedryck to try and get extra practice in everyday this week. Apparently we have a meet on Thursday, the wrestling and football teams managed to secure the Friday and Saturday slots respectively. So we’re going to have to double time it. Kedryck made a group chat for scheduling so far only Carter has said he’ll for sure be there. Which won’t do, I give a thumbs up and then make a note to start bullying the rest of them.

Like fuck am I gonna let them slack now that I actually care about our performance. Darick I can probably leverage, I’ll just invite Heather, I’ll have to invite Raven too since talking to Heather in Home Ec is more reliable than talking with her at lunch. Kyle’s enough of a people pleaser and if Kyle’s there Ryan’s good as got. I’ll need to find out something more reliable with Darick. I’m pretty sure Heather’s not interested in him and he’s starting to realize that.

Distracted as I’ve been and emotionally raw I’m worried about my quiz, I doubt I’ll fail for certain but Mrs. Byrnes wasn’t wrong about my last homework set being a comparative travesty. Taking a deep breath I start, hammering out the answers mind focusing on the task at hand. It’s obvious that I need to do more work, I won’t fail but I know I won’t pass with the grade I want but I will pass. Still if I don’t join the Saturday study hall I won’t here the end of it.

Chemistry is quiet for the time being, until my phone pings, Julian looks at me with naked irritation until he notices the screen which I’m trying to hide from the eyes of the teacher… Which left it facing him. “How do you know TJ?” He keeps his voice low and I scowl, because of course he’s going to be nosy. Though what’s more interesting is his question “How do YOU know TJ?” I’ll admit the irritation slipping into my voice is probably more than is warranted. Julian rolls his eyes, “We’re in youth group together.” I grunt course he’s a church latchkey kid, “Yeah well… When I lived in Echo he and I were friends.” I look at the message he’s offering to pick me up from swim practice tonight, I don’t know if it’s the best idea but… I decide to send a quick thumbs up. “Were?” Julian’s voice gets my attention, “Looks like ‘are’ is more accurate, I don’t think I’ve seen you just smile like that since we’ve met.”

I roll my eyes because the deer’s so fucking nosy, but he’s not wrong. It’s a relief to have at least one person still in my corner. “Yeah well I don’t think ten AM Chemistry’s the best place to see me in a good mood.” Julian lets out a snort like he doesn’t believe me but does say “Eh, fair enough.”

Gym’s slightly awkward, apparently Jeremy has decided that he needs to slowly prepare Clint for my presence at the Ahoa. I tried to consider Clint’s point of view, the polecat having had to deal with another member of the group he’d loathed as kids. One of his friends not only being gay but getting with someone who relished making his life hell. Makes me wonder if I’d never seen that side of Leo directed at me how I’d feel about Clint, would I be this sympathetic otherwise? Though was it surprising that Micha hid that side of himself with Clint being how he is? Was? Clint’s current feelings are hard to pin down.

Lunch I spent almost as much time resting as I did eating. The shade just cool enough to take the edge off the sun-baked region of Payton that the Payton Tri-City high school occupied. Jasmynn hadn’t decided our little interaction the previous week was worth losing her little hideyhole away from the rest of the group. It leads one to wonder if she’s really friends with them. I remember her and Leo’s ongoing rivalry, more barely civil (and often not even that) series of spats and arguments. I couldn’t guess her thoughts on Sydney now but I don’t imagine they’re any better than they were when we were kids. Unless her disdain for me overwrote that.

I’m lucky that Heather is here today “ah good you’re here I wanted to talk to you about a couple things.” I know this means Raven is coming along. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll be busy. The cat looks up at me with a slight tilt to her head showing that she’s listening. “So two things, first Mrs. Byrnes does a study hall on Saturdays, she lets anyone come, and since Jasmynn will be there it’ll probably be a good idea to go.” She pouts and I hold up a placating hand, “I’ll be there too I just don’t want her getting mad at you because she thinks she’s being taken advantage of.”

Heather frowns at me and says “She wouldn’t think that! She knows me.” I shake my head, “no one really knows what goes on in anyone’s head. Just, think about it. She’ll probably be happy to see you no matter what.” At least for now, “what’s the second thing?” Raven pipes up because of course he does. “Ah yeah, I got a swim meet on Wednesday and thought I’d invite some friends.” Please be busy, Heather being busy will be a slight nuisance but I can still say I invited her. Raven grins wildly, “course we’ll be there! Or I guess I will Heather?” She gives me a piercing look, it’s unnerving given how dreamy most of her expressions are. Seeing her look so totally present is unnerving. Then her only sort of cogent smile happens and she holds out her hand, “If we shake on it then we’re friends and you’re inviting your friends!”

I smile, it’s forced, and take her paw, feeling a bit like Dr. Faustus. But she smiles back and at some point from shaking her paw and sitting with her between Raven and I the smile I’m wearing’s become much more genuine. I am so fucked.

The rest of the day is fairly bland but it looks like in APUSH we’re supposed to get ready for a project, research this week putting it together next week. “How has your community’s history impacted it’s civics?” Huh, honestly it’s a more interesting and more engaging prompt than I was expecting. Or used to. Maybe I can get even more out of Saturday than I originally thought. Might even spend the whole time there.

Running my thumb over my temple I’m trying to put things together in mind, there’s no way in hell that I’ll be ready for the meet but I can at least try to make sure the team I. In addition to that there’s whatever’s going on with Heather. And my advanced classes. My foot paw is bouncing with barely contained impatience and frustration, the sooner I can get back in the water and try to think the better. One thing that I realize that I’m grateful for is that Kadryck gives me a chance at the beginning of practice to just drift and recenter.

The humidity of the pool room is a refreshing and I take a breath, Kyle is here and Ryan is still changing for once. “Hey Kyle,” he looks and grins tail going a mile a minute, “Yo Chase! How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since the party!” Like that wasn’t two days ago. “Alright, hey can I ask you to help me with something?” He lights up and oh I almost feel bad taking advantage of it… Almost. “Yeah I wanna get more practice before the meet. I wanna be ready and I haven’t had a chance to really swim in way too long.” He looks confused, “Uh but? We practice like twice a week? Three on meet weeks.” I roll my eyes, “yeah and Kyle do you know how embarrassing it is that I, an otter, will probably get smoked?”

His ears fold, “I doubt you’d get smooooked,” he doesn’t believe what he’s saying though. I’m currently the lowest bracket among the group. If I didn’t have the boons I do for the harder forms on other species I would never have been brought on. No matter how desperate the team is. I just stare, his tail slows but doesn’t stop, “Okay yeah, I’ll talk to Kedryck, I know he and Carter like to do extra training.” Darick comes in with Ryan, “Aw hell no, we really doing more drills?” I turn to Darick, the last hurtle, “Yeah, I’m inviting some friends to my first meet. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of TJ, Heather and Raven.” Darick’s ears go up and hone forward, he tries to stay neutral but his tail is swaying. “Well, I guess that makes sense, specially with you being an otter and all.” I blink at him, like wow, I thought Kyle was bad. I don’t need to say anything as Kedryck smacks him upside the head. He with Carter right behind him came out of the coaches office, Darick flips him off “on our own again so specieist comments will be handled how I want.” He shoots the group a look, “like ten extra laps.”

The pleasant ache of my muscles is a reminder that not only am I alive but I’m back where I belong. At the bottom of a body of water, the pleasant chill around him, the weight of it above him. Everything slows down here, my thoughts becoming more organized. Everything, even spatial awareness becomes easier, sharper, down here. A couple of the others come down to check on me, Kedryck told me that for those like us it’s a necessity but everyone else, even people used to being on a team with us, finds it unnerving or frightening. Funny since Kedryck’s even more than me able to indulge. I’ve heard of seals sleeping underwater. The thought of being able to just doze off lulled by my slowing heartbeat makes me envy him a bit. I wonder if any of the others envied me or Syd for this kind of skill.

**

Stepping out of the pool and onto the still warm but rapidly cooling evening air of the is a bit like a slap to the face. Which is honestly not a problem, it’s refreshing in a way the cloying bone dry heat of the southwest. A shiver runs through me and Kedryck looks a bit askance at me. “You good?” I nod, “Yeah just the night air. Always surprising even as a native, how cold the night gets.” He chuckles, “Yeah well it is late autumn early winter.”

“Only by technicality, maybe if we were up a little higher, where snow happens.” He laughs and I opt to join him Darcik sneezes grumbling about how his people weren’t meant for the cold. “I thought you were from up north?” Kedryck looks over at him and he rubs his paws over his arms, “Nah, I’m Meseta, only native from outside the rez is Janice.” That catches my attention, “Janice? Works at the diner Janice?” He nods, “Ya, her granpa and great granpa are from the east. If I had to guess they’re part of the Lakelander linguistic group.” I look at him, “Doesn’t that encompass like the whole Lakeland, noreast UDC, the midwest and east portions of the GWN? So like… You can say ‘Lakeland’ and that’s like at least a dozen tribes and a hundred bands?”

Darick gives me a sour look and Kedryck laughs, I shrug, “Jasmynn has WORDS whenever someone mistakes Meseta and Ahacte. So I’ve sat through a few things.” There’s also the horrifically high number of both Meseta and Ahacte that were in Dogeir because the boarding schools never shut down apparently. Just got a squeaky clean new coat of paint. Maybe now that Europan bodies were unearthed people might start asking if maybe, just maybe, torture prison schools are actually the problem.

And maybe I’ll get a unicorn for Christmas. Because shitty parents like stupid people just seem to be a law of reality. Darick snaps me out of that bleak line of thought with a “Can we get going? It’s fucking freezing out here.” I looks at them, “I thought I mentioned a friend was picking me up? You two can take off whenever.” Darick shoots me a glare, “Slipped your mind?” Kedryck looks unsure, “we can wait...” That earns more griping from the coyote next to him. Until a minivan pulls up, because the Hesses are the most minivan family to ever own one of the vehicles. Tob- TJ, god the least I can do is call him the way he wants; TJ leans out the window and waves, “CHAAAAAAASE!” It’s such a surprise to see him so excited to see me that I find myself laughing and waving back. “Well looks like I worried for nothing, c’mon Dar.”

“Fucking finally!” The coyote says and I wonder if it carries… Right up until TJ shoots the coyote a scandalized look and yep, his comment definitely carried. I wave to them as I head to the van, Mrs. Hess looks a bit perturbed right now. Hopefully it’s just the short notice of it all. I don’t want to think that Mrs. Hess is suspicious of me because of everything. Not that I’d blame her just… She used to embarrass me and I wondered how TJ could stand her being what I thought was overbearing.

What does it say about me that basic affirmation and involvement looks smothering. Until what little I had was gone and I felt envy eating me alive. I smile to her, I know it’s tight but a glance at how excited TJ is makes it a much more easy smile. “So Chase why’re you here so late?” I groan a bit, “Uh yeah I’m on the swim team. I wasn’t sure if I wanted too, don’t wanna just be a water clown but… The scholarships are really good.” Mrs. Hess looks over her shoulder, “You’re looking at college awfully early aren’t you?” I look to her and nod, “Yeah I’m in advanced classes and if I can test into college work I’d really like to.” TJ’s ears fold and I look to him, “I wouldn’t go further than Pueblo. And it Wont be for at least a year.” I’m more reassuring him than answering his mother’s question.

The rest of the ride is really awkward and I really hope I didn’t just hurt TJ. I’ve done enough of that. I need to make sure that he knows I will never leave him behind. Which I should probably do now, or at least try, his ears having flagged from the pure enthusiasm he showed when he saw me. “Ah, speaking of w-we have a meet and I can probably get some plus one tickets… You know if you’re interested TJ. I-if you or Mr. Hess are busy I can probably get Kedryck to pick up TJ when he comes to get Darick?”

TJ’s ears perked and swivel towards me and I can imagine the look his turned head is giving to his mother. She laughs, “Well honey it depends on the day. We have church group on Saturday.” I sigh with relief, even if I end up getting wrecked, which isn’t to say I want that, I would like TJ there. Especially now that I care about this team. “That’s not a problem, it’s on Thursday, means we won’t be able to have much of a post game party but...” Mrs. Hess laughs again and looks at me in the rearview mirror, “Chase we’d be happy to come and true we won’t be able to stay late but we’d also love to join any celebrations. Assuming it’s not a team members only thing. What about your parents dear? We wouldn’t want to impose.”

What about them? This is a way to have the state continue to babysit their delinquent kid. That they wouldn’t come if I asked, and I wouldn’t ask. Neither of them would take time off from work to do this anyway. I shake my head, “Nah both of them have to leave for work around six in the morning. Even if we wrap our afterparty at eight thirty or nine they wouldn’t be able to come.” I can almost feel the disapproval from Mrs. Hess and I worry I’ve tripped something accidentally. But she smiles back at me, “Well then we’d be happy to come.” TJ does a little fist pump and his mom laughs, “Watch the roof honey you’re not as small as you used to be.” His ears fold bashfully, and says a quiet “Oops, sorry mom.”

The arrival at the house is unceremonious, it’s a small single story with a basement. Quaint and homey. It feels weird to be back, the Hesses never were loaded like Carl’s family or even the modest affluence of my parents but they’re responsible and frugal. A decent house, a college fund for TJ, they also just like to live healthy and modestly. The air is tense and awkward, even after the ice breaker ride. Something’s different here. Mr. Hess meets us with dinner in the kitchen dining room. Once we’re seated and each have a plate he clears his throat, “So, how’s it to be back home?” I shrug, “Echo’s… A little different, a few places closed but other than that it feels the same.” He nods and Mrs. Hess wonders aloud, “You know TJ was really keen on writing you?” She’s prodding, honestly if I didn’t know what I did I’d be upset being questioned, but I do know why. “Mom...” TJ mumbled and he looks sheepishly at me but I smile.

Again I can’t help but think how I’ve always thought Mrs. Hess was a bit of a prude and that both she and TJ’s dad weren’t doing him any favors but it’s easy to see now how much they care about him. Despite everything Echo puts in front of them. For the first time I think I envy TJ’s home life more than anyone else’s. “Yeah he told me. I- I uh, never got them.” She frowns maybe wondering if I’m lying, “Dogeir didn’t let us have letters.” She drops her fork and Mr. Hess freezes. That reaction is how you know who’s read the news out of Deseret’s newest dirty little secret exposed. They share a look and there’s pity there, I tighten my grip on my fork, the last thing I need is to fly off the handle and put the first connection I’ve had in years at risk.

“Ah, I see,” she doesn’t not the full picture but she knows her assumption was unfounded so I smile, “It’s… Well not fine but I didn’t know that either until TJ and I talked. I’m really happy he didn’t forget me.” I can say that without tearing up but not without my voice cracking great now the pity’s back I hate it I hate all of this. Mr. Hess smiles, “Of course not Chase, I’m sorry we…” He doesn’t know what he could have done, “I’m sorry we weren’t more thorough.” God dammit, that’s more than either of my parents said to me about any of this and I need a moment to take a couple breaths. “Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Hess, it… It means a lot.”

TJ doesn’t really have any video games so most of what we’re doing in his room is talk. Jasmynn apparently likes to hang out after studyhall when she can get there and has been sharing some of her manga with him. I look through it and some of them one catches my eye and I look at him with clear question. It’s a story about a feral duck who becomes a princess to fight demons of some sort. “Oh yeah, that ones actually really good! It’s like a love letter to old fairy tales.” He says very quick and maybe in a younger day I’d rib him about it but… “Okay, mind if I borrow it then?” He looks at me with open shock for a moment and I wont lie it’s a reminder that I have to work to be better than who I was, the smile he gives me is the reason to pursue it.

**

The sounds of the meet are loud despite the small size of the crowds. Sounds in the pool echo and create a loud I’m on one of the lower benches watching Kedryck finish smoking his opponent. It wasn’t even a real contest watching them, Kedryck isn’t just built for the water the way I am he’s also got a passion for the sport in a way I don’t. It’s admirable and makes me want to not only work harder but get the others to as well. Darick is next and I watch him getting ready, he takes a few deep breaths for as much as he wants to portray himself as not needing any practice, and of being too cool for caring. But he does care. He cares deeply. He wouldn’t be so nervous he almost puked earlier if he didn’t. I realize it’s not even that Heather is here. She’s an excuse a reason to pretend he’s working hard for her. Not for the team. That’s not to say he isn’t interested, his aggressive white knighting while drunk showed that much.

Even with this though he cuts through the water like a knife. Pushing himself quickly, and startling his parakeet opponent. Turning and pushing off to start towards the other end. He doesn’t do as well on the return once his opponent recovers from the initial shock but the early lead was enough to keep his lead.

Next is Kyle who I expect to do really well but he’s put up against a salamander who matches Kedryck in both species aptitude and, maybe not quite the same level of devotion but enough that he quickly pulls ahead of Kyle. Who has to struggle to keep up and by the end hasn’t managed to recover. However, in a show of the Lab’s optimistic attitude he immediately shakes the salamander’s paw and is in a heated discussion probably trading regimen tips.

Ryan is the next swimmer and I see how he competes for the first time. Fur slicked down with product of some sort. Likely water resistant. He comes out like a soldier geared for battle. Likely how most long furred species competing in swim competitions are. He’s against a monitor of some sort but he’s clearly taken his opponent by surprise because he cuts ahead fast enough that he manages to do better than even Darick’s time. The monitor looks at him scrabbling out of the water and is talking to him. The two laughing, based on the snippets I can catch this isn’t their first time matched with each other. But this is the first time Ryan’s done that well. Ryan points at me and I flush because the monitor looks grave. I’m being singled out as the weak link of the group.

A not inaccurate assessment, my hopes of maybe getting a match up that will at least let me lean on my species’ advantages in the water is dashed. The other team’s captain is my match up, a fishing cat with the same hard look to his eyes as Kedryck when it comes to competition. Well, if I can hold on I’ll call it a win. Even though I know this will be embarrassing for all the friends I invited. We take our places I remember Darick’s instruction on proper starting form. He only tried to physically guide me once, I had to apologize for hissing, especially since purely verbal instructions are harder. We dive, our dives are both almost perfect but his is better. His form is flawless and there’s an almost ethereal grace and beauty to the motions. It makes me want to learn, to try, not just for the team and their security for myself. I can feel envy coiling around my guts. I want that form, I was made to look that good while moving through the water.

I find my head light, my lungs burn I try to mimic him, and it’s the only way I can keep on his tail. There was no way in hell I’d win this, I can tell there’s not even a way that I’ll have driven him to even a fraction of his all out. But that I can get this close means a lot. I feel like I’m learning, eventually I slap the other side as he’s pulling himself out. I’m panting, lungs burning and muscles aching. A lightly webbed paw appears in my vision. The fishing cat is holding his hand out to me. He’s barely breathing heavily but he did exert himself a little at least. “You’re rusty,” he says as he pulls me out of the water. “Y-yeah, I hah, I didn’t… Not enough.” I gasp trying to even my breathing, “They didn’t let us swim at my other school. Not often.” He says something in a language I don’t know, it sounds like something derisive though. “It’s alright,” I stick a thumb towards the team coming up to us, “They’re good to me.”

The whole team has a good game moment with our opponents and we get invited to a winter break camp with the southwest league…

**

I’ve decided to get into my street clothes and duck out while the rest of the group is still dicking around in the lockers, because I wanna go meet with TJ and the Hesses. It’s when I’m alone texting where to meet when the night takes a bad turn. And losing my first match-up in front of my friends isn’t exactly a good start to the evening. Sydney’s walking down the hallway towards me and his sneer is an ugly thing. “Well well well Chase. Thought you didn’t want to be a water clown? What your lil time in Juvie make you that desperate to get ass pats? Or did your time in the showers awaken something in you?” He accompanies this with an obscene gesture.

Something inside me snaps, like I’m not wholly in my body anymore, I can feel myself walking up to him, he seems shocked and when my fist meets his gut he lets out a pained ‘urk’ sound. Then something inside him seems to break as well and the next thing I know I’m caught in one of his stupid wrestling locks. Tightening his arm around me cutting off my air. I kick at him I think I claw his leg with my foot paws. There’s blotches in my vision as he hisses obscenities. I look up and there’s something behind him in the mirror, taller than him, it’s form smudged and indistinct. Save it’s red eyes, Syd’s so intent on choking me though he doesn’t notice the other reflection. Ryan bringing his fist into the side of his muzzle, he loosens his grip and I twist enough to bite him.

Pulling away as he does, without him holding me up I’m left hacking on the ground. Kyle’s at my back helping me up and Sydney’s gearing up to fight Ryan when someone bellows his name. Kedryck’s there at the top of the little half flight of stairs where the locker room doors are. “Back off Bronson,” he looks at Kedryck still wearing that spiteful smile. “Or what? Your team started it and you ain’t got shit on me or the wrestlers. You guys don’t bring in anything, never been to state, and-” he’s cut off. “I’m a captain Bronson. Know what that means? Means I attend the team meetings with the others. Including yours. What do you think Teek and your coach’ll do if they heard you were trying to choke out one of my swimmers? I know you’re on thin ice as is. Keep this up and you wont be a wrestler.”

I’ve never heard Kedryck’s voice like that, there’s something cold and disdainful to it. He cocks his head and in that same tone says “Unless you think you can choke all of us out and get away?” That’s when I noticed Darick’s managed to get in on his other side. Sydney realizes a beat after me that he’s been flanked and will get tag teamed if he tries anything. Sydney holds up his paws and spits, “whatever, I gotta go check the mats for tomorrow anyway. The real winners got a game tomorrow.” He shoves past Ryan earning a hiss but Kedryck shakes his head and steps aside letting Sydney go.

He turns back to me and he looks less angry and more disappointed. “What happened Chase?” I can feel shame eating me alive. I want to justify myself. To say something. I also don’t want to say anything. Recognizing something about it Kedryck tells the others to go let my friends know that I’ll be a little bit. When they’re gone I find myself sinking to the floor. Did I just wreck my chances here? Will I get… I can’t go anywhere else if they find out I was fighting. I can’t breathe. My mind is trying to put together an exit strategy, some way to get out of my house and out of Echo. No one comes looking, being homeless isn’t ideal but I wont go back I wont let them send me-

Kedryck’s paw is on my shoulder, “Hey, Chase breathe. It’s just us and I aint gonna tell anyone. Neither’s Bronson neither’s the group. This never happened. But I need to know what started it? Because this can’t happen again.” I nod and I swallow, “He talked about where my parents sent me… I used to live in Echo until. Sydney and I got into it when we were kids, it was bad. I looked way worse than him at the end of it. My parents paid for. I got.” I can’t say it, I hate how much that place still rules me. How much a place that doesn’t exist anymore still manages to shackle me. Kedryck nods, “Aight, I got it. Stay away from him from now on then, I know you can’t always control it but. If you can stick with one of us or your Echo friends.”

That makes me snap, “WHAT ECHO FRIENDS!? THEY BELIEVED HIM! TO THEM I’M JUST SOME PSYCHO WHO SPENT THE LAST THREE YEARS IN DIET JUVIE.” I think he’s going to get cold with me, bench me, realize I’m a weak link and kick me. He just smiles. Smiles and laughs. “Chase. Heather and Raven are waiting for you along with that other kid. TJ? And his parents. And sure I may not really know what’s up with you and them but from what I hear Jeremy at least seems to go to bat for ya. Chase… I don’t know what happened but you got people who’re your friends. You’re not alone.”

That… That broke something in me in a way Sydney couldn’t and I end up needing another ten minutes to avoid crying my eyes out in the middle of the hallway…

Since we managed to take the meet and then that whole thing happened Kedryck let the Hesses, Heather and Raven come to the afterparty. Honestly I think he just wanted an excuse he loves getting social gatherings started. He even got on our asses when it was obvious swearing made TJ uncomfortable. When we were alone Heather hugged me. I don’t know what brought it on but she said it was very exciting and that I did well. I don’t think I did but it was nice to hear. I feel like there was something unsaid. I know she spent the evening with Darick while we were actually eating. I hope she lets him down gently. TJ seemed to notice I wasn’t eating much, Sydney did a number on my throat and went to get some water with lemon. Maybe, maybe someday I can let myself believe that Kedryck’s right.

**

I remember the first day I realized Leo wasn’t my friend anymore. That I don’t think he’d ever be my friend. I was trying to talk to Toby. To get him to tell them what had happened. I was desperate. I just wanted my life back. My parents never looked at me the same. People whispered and pointed. Psycho and killer got thrown out by Clint and Jeremy who while never going further the way they did before the Lake. It hurt, I didn’t want them to be right and only Toby could help me. But when I’d tried to talk to him, Leo had gotten between us. “Go away,” I’d tried to shove past him, I didn’t think Leo would do anything. He’d never done anything before. I wasn’t a part of the ‘pack’ anymore though, he broke my nose. I remember not knowing what had happened, white and pain and I woke up on the ground with the red wolf driving his foot into my stomach. I remember something, I remember saying “I shouldn’t have stopped him.” I don’t know if Toby heard me or not.

Then I’d hoped he had. A week later I was pulled from my bed and shoved in a car, like a cross between a taxi and a cop car. By the afternoon of that same day I’d been in Dogeir. I’d learned to really wish Toby had heard me.

I don’t wish that anymore, I don’t wish that at all. Not now, not as I stand on the shores of Lake Emma. The world around me devoid of color. Just grays, whites, and blacks. Save one splash of color. Sydney’s eyes, like chips of sapphire, glittering with malignant pride and smug accomplishment. Toby’s in the water at his feet. Floating face down. Sydney meets my eyes.

Sydney just stares.

I wake covered in sweat and shaking, curled around myself, I want to puke but I can’t move my muscles cramping and my teeth chattering. I try to will myself to move slowly, so agonizingly slowly. The slight relaxation of my muscles triggers the bile. I spend the next twenty minutes in the bathroom puking and then recovering from it.

**

The rest of the week is uneventful. Shaking any of the team is damn near impossible. Even though most of them don’t have lunch with me they’ve managed to get Raven and Heather to hang out with me at lunch. Which is a good thing because Leo confronted me the next day, “Why are you even here otter?” He stares me down, “You know no one wants you here.” I was about to say something back but Heather told him it was rude to call a lady ‘no one’ and he should apologize. This seems to shock him enough that we were saved by the bat. Because Micha is definitely still friends with Heather whatever him and Clint’s deal is. Because when he saw her he immediately hugged her and told her how happy he was she was back in school with them.

Leo awkwardly shuffled around behind them and I just shrugged at him because while I’m not happy being treated like this… Again… Still, seeing him in the same awkward position he likes to put me in isn’t a bad way to end my week.

**

Getting off the bus into Payton I see a text from TJ, ‘Mom wants to give you and Jasmynn a ride home. You want to stay for dinner? Dad’s got to work late though, new wildlife specimens came in.’ Smiling I shoot back a quick ‘Sure’ it’ll be awkward to ride with Jasmynn but if she’s still friends with TJ then there’s no way she’d make excuses for Syd’s behavior… Though she’s still friends with them.

There’s a notice board outside the library. It’s covered in missing persons posters. There’s something perturbing about how many there are. Payton’s not a big city by any stretch. There’s a German shepherd putting another one up, a coyote smiling out from it in a track and field outfit. ‘Chris Daniels’ last seen between Echo and Payton. Dated two weeks ago. The shep sees me looking and nods, “You seen him?” There’s a bit of elevation in his voice. Like he’s trying not to be hopeful. I shake my head and he nods with a sigh. “Yeah… I don’t know why I’m trying… You from Payton kid?” I shake my head again, “Echo.” He nods, “You see him you mind calling me? Cops in this shithole ain’t gonna do dick for a missing gay kid.” He hands me a card, his name ‘Ryan Vasquez,’ a personal trainer. I nod, telling him I’ll keep an eye out.

As I walk away I wonder why I offered that? I don’t owe him or this missing kid… He’s a kid that’s been discarded for something he has no control over. Being gay and then in the wrong place at the wrong time. Being left to rot by the people who are suppose to look out for him. On that note I enter the Payton library, approaching the librarian a tall but reed thin badger woman, she looks up and smiles to me, “Yes?” I look around, “Uhm, I’m here for the study hall with Mrs. Byrnes?” She nods and points down a hall, “Down there and to the right, it’ll say ‘Washington Memorial reading rooms.’

I stepped past the front desk towards the big hall that leads to the records and reading rooms of the Washington Memorial wing. A large eight foot tall portrait of a stern looking austere black cat in a white dress and a sunhat with, shockingly, a sword at her hip. She looked so, no not stern. Bored. Like the subject thought that being immortalized for a library wing was the most arduous social task. In a fit of pique I decide to stick my tongue out at her and, for a moment it seemed like I’d earned a smirk from the painting. Perturbed, especially after the issues I’ve been having with mirrors, I decide to move towards the reading room.

Finding the one I wanted was easy enough. Heather had evidently managed to get here before me. I’m not one hundred percent sure how. I thought I’d caught the earliest bus. Mrs Byrnes is sitting in the middle of the flat side of a half circle table. Jasmynn is also already there, her being early is much less surprising. I wonder if she walked from the rez or if Mrs. Byrnes gave her a ride. Byrnes however looks pleasantly surprised to see me, not sure if I should feel offended or not. I opt to raise a paw in greeting, “Hey, I feel decently about correcting the mistakes I made on the last quiz. I want to review conversions, especially with orders of operations. But I also want to get a heads up on my APUSH assignment.”

Jasmynn shoots me a look of naked suspicion and says “PTC High doesn’t offer APUSH.” Is she trying to tattle without tattling? Maybe I shouldn’t antagonize her but… “No, but Deseret Public Schools offers it online. You know, assuming you can pass the assessments.” I end that with a smug smile directed at her. Remembering her and Leo’s unimaginably competitive streaks. Her eyes narrow and I have definitely made an enemy for life. Offering more proof that my sense of self-preservation is dangerously underdeveloped. Well might as well go all in, I open my muzzle again “If you’d like I could help you study for it.”

If looks could kill I’d be a greasy pile of ash. Honestly I’m wondering if I might spontaneously combust during this studyhall. I feel an uncomfortable kinship with Leo and Sydney who are probably the only other people to receive this particular look. “Well then Chase,” Mrs. Byrnes either unknowing of the clash of wills going on, or wanting to get us on task. “Get out your conversion notes. With a little practice I know you’ll not only get it but you’ll be able to do it like that.” She punctuates her statement with a snap of her fingers.

We spend most of our time in low conversation with Mrs. Byrnes bouncing between us, Heather receiving a lot more one on one attention than Jasmynn or I. Mrs. Byrnes seems to be taken with Heather and is shockingly adaptive to her idiosyncrasies. I let out a bit of a groan realizing I’ve gotten distracted from the book of municipal ordinances I have for my APUSH project. “Need some help Chase?” Mrs. Byrnes smiles to me and I sigh, “Yeah maybe a bit. The project they want us to do over break is ‘how has your town’s history informed it’s civics?’ This stuff is so dry though and none of it really comes with any court dates or minute records that show the debate behind it becoming law.”

She stands up and gestures for me to follow, “Here let me show you something that might help.” I follow while Heather and Jasmynn trade chem notes. “My great uncle used to be a prominent photographer in Echo. I found a box of his photos a few years back and donated them to the library archives. Turns out he did both commemorative photography and forensic for the then Sheriff. The library helped me put together dossiers of the events accompanying a few of the photos. Including the collapse of the old Hendrick’s mansion at the tail end of ‘15.” I follow her, as she pulls out a large binder labeled Echo 1910-1915.

Inside is nothing short of a trove, reporting on the burning of one of the papers, miner’s strikes, a riot that happened shortly before the hysteria. All of them accompanied by detailed photos. “Wow. You’re uncle had an eye for composition!” I look through them, she stops me at one of a group of men having a picnic. Pointing to a fox, “That’s him actually.” The nearly cut off face towards the bottom showing this to be a primitive selfie. “Mind if I copy these? I don’t know if I’d be able to take any legible photos with my phone.” She nods of “Course Chase, you have a library card?” Shit I don’t, seeing my expression she chuckles “How about I scan these and set about getting copies while you go get one?”

**

TJ’s mom comes to pick up Jasmynn and I with Mrs. Byrnes offering to give Heather a ride home, TJ leaning out and waving, “Hello!” He’s practically half out the window, Jasmynn and I both chuckle “Over here!” His enthusiasm is infectious and we’re both smiling. “Hard to miss you hanging out here like this flufferbutt.” Jasmynn teases him as she gets into the back behind Mrs. Hess while I take the opposite side behind TJ. “Would it be alright to get lunch at the diner? I’m starved I had to bus in so breakfast was a while ago,” I hope I’m not being demanding. I also know the Hesses were never fond of the diner’s food. Being health conscious. TJ looks to his mom, “Please? It’ll be the first time all of us get lunch since Chase got home.”

Jasmynn looks annoyed having been dragged into this but is clearly not going to be the one telling TJ no. His mom has even less interest in doing that than Jasmynn. “Well I suppose this is a special occasion. Alright just make sure you mind yourself okay?” He nods his head. “Thanks Mrs. Hess I got some stuff for a project over break and I’d like to go over it over lunch,” with our next stop decided she pulls away from the library.

Mrs. Hess pulls into the diner parking lot and we all jump out with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Jasmynn awkwardly making small talk with me along the way. TJ talking a mile a minute about how much fun it is for the three of us to be together again. Going to the diner just like when we were young(er) because it’s impossible for me not to notice that TJ is still the youngest of our group. Insightful and a hell of a lot more mature than I gave him credit for, but I shouldn’t forget the gap that exists between us. Even if for now, I can just enjoy being with one of my friends while he enthusiastically talks up a storm. The enthusiasm he shows for everything despite everything.

The diner is, thank fuck, air conditioned. “So what did Mrs. Byrnes give you?” He says while we wait for Janice to come take our orders. I lay out the photos, “ S o apparently this guy” I point to the buff coyote with a facial scar, the hot bad boy look made manifest, “ Is Sheriff Adler.” TJ looks up, “ W hat like?” Janice comes by “ W ho’s calling me sheriff?” I look over to her and hold up the picture, “ S chool project. Sheriff Adler and Deputy Bronson.” I didn’t feel like bringing up Sydney’s great great whatever with TJ and Jasmynn but the picture of the two is one of the clearer ones with William in it. Janice takes the photo and smiles at it, “Adler and Bronson huh? Ya go figure.”

I pull out the other one I have that’s most clear. A picnic showing a group of men including Sheriff Adler, Mrs. Byrnes’ great uncle embracing a stoat in a manner that looks a bit too intimate to be ‘just friends,’ maybe I’m just reading into it. A huge badger smiling to the camera. And the cameraman, only a fourth of his face is visible but he’s what looks like a white furred puma. Janice looks through them but when I hand her the picnic photo her smile falls like a brick and she pales under her fur. She seems a million miles away until TJ looks at her with worry. “Janice you okay?” She snaps into customer service mode unnaturally fast, “ S ure thing hun. Just memories. So what can I get you kids today?”

**

Going to Jasmynn street is weird, I’ve only been a couple of times since being back. I hear a heated argument and when I realize I recognize all the voices I press myself to one of the trailers, obstructed by a four wheeler on cinderblocks. Otter ears might not have the swivel range of many other species but they do their job well enough. Helps that no one here is anything resembling subtle. There’s a loud crash, “I’m not fucking playing with you Begay. You think because you’re Jas’ bro I’m gonna just let you disrespect me? Now I told you what I want and you have two options. Either you give me what I want. Or I choke your bitch ass out.” There’s another crash, “And you get your legs broke you methed up incest baby so don’t try that shit again.”

Jeremy’s voice is placating and seems to cut off whatever Clint was about to say in response. “Dude you can’t get blood from a stone. My supplier gets me weed and meth. Heroine’s more expensive so he ain’t gonna let any of his low ranks deal it.” There’s another slam but this is a fist against metal. It’s an easy image the antagonist of this little tableau punching the trailer he’s got Jeremy pinned to, inches from his head. “Then who the FUCK is your supplier.” There’s actual hesitation in Jeremy’s voice and I get the unsettled feeling that it’s not just because he’s being threatened, “His name’s Brian, I can get you his trailer number and lot.” There’s a sneer in the voice of his assailant. “You do that.” I wait where I am until I see Sydney’s silhouette stomp past the shaded patch I’m hiding in. He seems too intent to notice me. Fucking, heroine? Really? There’s this part of me that wishes I had Flynn’s number, the surly asshat almost certainly doesn’t know about this. But then again, the greater part of me, the part of me that remembers Thursday, doesn’t give a flying fuck.

I wait a beat for Sydney’s footsteps to fade out completely, someone’s crying and when I turn the corner I know I very much wouldn’t have called Flynn. Jeremy’s got dust on his clothes, Clint’s got a rag to his snout stained with blood. Heather’s crying. When Clint sees me he makes a noise but with his nose bleeding and a rag muffling him I don’t hear what would have certainly been a comment about ‘too many otters fucking up his day.’ Heather looks a bit less shell shocked though, if being her friend gets me that reaction I can’t say it’s a bad one. Heh, maybe my rep as the would-be Sydney slayer helps for once. Jeremy sighs, “Oh good you came. Normally we’d head out now but as you can see I need to take care of some shit here.” I nod, “Take your time. I got some bandages and antiseptic in a field kit if ya want?” He nods to Clint’s knee and I see a cut on his own cheek.

“Honor’s society preparedness?” I laugh at that, because for once he ain’t wrong, “ Y eah actually. TJ’s health conscious as all fuck.” Clint takes the rag away enough to say “ T he fuck’s TJ?” I sigh, “Toby, he goes by TJ now and unless you want me to mix up antiseptic and salt when treating your ass you’re going to respect that.” Clint grumbles, and Jeremy laughs, Heather takes the bandages after I grab the big one for Clint’s knee to go treat Jeremy.

We walk a little ways towards the meeting space, it’s about halfway between Lake Emma and the railroad tracks. I can smell the mesquite smoke from here, it adds a pleasant scent to the air, next I feel the heat even a little ways away. Probably because I’m down wind. Micha and a kit fox I am shocked to realize I actually recognize are there. He looks up, head cocked to the side and Micha narrows his eyes, “ T he fuck you doing here?” Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Before I can answer though a Clint’s abrasive voice catches me slightly offguard, “Jeremy fucking invited him.” Jeremy’s slouched and frowns, “ J ust told him a thing was happening, if he came that’s on him.”

That answer clearly does not work for Clint but the kit fox smiles, “Well then welcome… hey I think I know you...” He hesitates a moment then he smiles and snaps his fingers. Keith looks me over, “Yo, river otter dude. Or I guess otter dude from the river.” The kit fox from before holds out his paw to me, I shake it and offer a ‘both are true.’ He laughs, “Right on, right on.” He says in an almost song-like cadence. “And I hope your purity remains intact.” I roll my eyes at that and Jeremy starts laughing Clint shoots me a look like I’d just tried to jump Keith’s bones right in front of everyone. “Well I’m Keith. Keith Tsosie.” Same last name as my school bus driver, interesting. “Jeremy’s mentioned you. I hear you got Hum problems. And you helped our baby boy Clint when he got jumped.” Clint flips him off and makes an unkind comment about his family line. He just laughs it off, “You got Hum problems like the rest of the town.” I shrug, “I’ve got something. But pretty sure that something is trauma.” He looks at me hard and says, “Then you definitely got Hum problems.”

“Why do you call it that? I haven’t heard anything.” He nods, “Yeah hum’s the best word but it’s not a perfect word. Vibration might work too, a sort of lowgrade kind of thing that you notice when it’s gone or when it amps up. Might be infrasound honestly. But I think there’s more Too it than that. Like the sound’s just what we can detect but it’s not the whole thing. In places, and at times, where it’s strong you can sort of hear it. Like an orchestra tuning their instruments but they never play. Just tune.” I want to say that I haven’t noticed anything like that… Except I have. I remember that first night coming back to Echo. Passing Lake Emma, the weird weight that made my fur stand on end and felt like I swallowed lead. I’d never felt the need to smoke something to sleep but… I do here. “It makes trauma worse. Like if you have a good life nothing too scary or harsh you’ll get on better, but that’s just life. Even the people with happy lives here, and there ain’t many in a place like Echo, are still more frayed than most.”

“How do I deal with it?” He smirks and shrugs, “ W eed , others do meth but stimulants really ain’t the best choice.” Fuck me, “I already do that.” He looks me over, “ H ow much?” I would shrug but this feels more serious so I answer honestly looking him in the eye, “ J ust when I need to sleep… Or...” I look around take a breath, “ A fter I have a nightmare.” There I said it, this is the first time I’ve said it explicitly. TJ and I have talked a bit but never this direct. Keith gives me an approving nod. Like both the honesty and the answer were correct. “Probably the best use, it’s not really a ‘get used to it’ but it stops being effective because the Hum isn’t static. So if you smoke too much then when the Hum ramps up then it gets harder to endure those worse moments.”

He claps his paws together and says, “ A lright , bad vibes begone! Let’s get this started.” The Ahoa is going well with Micha coming out with some empanadas. They’re delicious and I have to wonder if he got Leo’s dad to make them. Leo’s dad, from what I remember was really hit or miss when it came to Northacana but traditional Sonoran and Salvadoran food he made was always amazing. I’m a bit surprised when Keith in a mild slightly tired voice asks, “ S o how’d you like them? Personal recipe I learned a year back.” My surprise must be obvious because he laughs, “ Y eah . I had a S onoran wolf regular that taught me how to make these.

Then he smiles and claps his paws together, “In the spirit of good vibes, I have an announcement. Brian and I are talking and, if I decide to take him up on it, it sounds like he wants to apologize, and make up. Even bought a place here in Echo.” I smile but then I realize I’m the only one other than Keith who is. Clint looks at first I thought affronted but not just that, there’s something else there… Worry. Jeremy isn’t looking at him, when I meet his gaze he looks away. Within the flickering firelight I wonder… Does he look paler? Micha though, Micha gets up. “You cannot be serious.”

I get up to get another drink, it’s not my place and it sounds like a conversation they are going to have in private… I wonder if this Brian is the same supplier that Jeremy sent Sydney too. Sighing I decide to sip the soda, there weren’t a lot, a six pack for the five of us. The small can doesn’t last me all that long so I stick around a moment before meandering back to the group.

As I make my way closer and I hear a muffled but fervent conversation, “I’m just saying you should be careful Keith...” Micha’s voice kept low but clearly he’s agitated. “I appreciate your concern Micha but he’s not evil, he’s rough but there’s good in him. There’s good in everyone.” Keith’s voice is low and patient, also slightly glazed sounding. “He outed you to your homophobic cunt of a mother!” There’s silence after that, Micha didn’t scream but his voice rose above the quiet. He’s panting, I can hear it, and there’s silence from Keith for long enough for someone to count to ten. “I hope that one day you’ll be able to see past hurt Micha. But no matter what, we all make our own decisions.”

Micha curses and I can hear him getting further away, walking around the trailer I arch my brow at Keith who’s ears flatten but his expression is sheepish not hostile. “I see you heard that. Micha’s a bit protective and well yes Brian hurt me but he’s not the villain Micha wants to believe.” I shrug, it’s not my place but if what I heard is true I find myself falling towards the bat. Maybe Keith’s older and got more awareness about Echo’s weird horseshit but I suspect Micha and the others are the more canny and streetwise.

There’s a coughing rumble and Keith smiles to me and looks to the group as we walk towards the noise. “Next Ahoa’s going to be at my new place everyone. I promise.” He holds out his paws and I can see the bear behind the wheel smile when Keith draw attention to him. There’s something about him. Something hungry in his gaze and empty in his smile. I feel like I’ve seen that kind of smile before. I really find myself leaning towards Micha’s assessment.

Chapter Text

[Flynn PoV Second Morning of Thanksgiving Break]

Even as I’m approaching the Bronson house I can feel something bad in the air, there’s something very wrong with this town. It messes with people and seeing what it’s been doing to Sydney these last few years is more than enough proof. I wish I could just hate Chase like everyone else, fuck being on Syd’s side would be so much easier if I could. Lake Emma’s one of those places that attract misery, it wasn’t something I learned or understood until very recently, but it’s hard to drop the blame solely on a child. He went too far though and I wont fuck with Syd just to cover for another otter. Ain’t my place. Ain’t what I’m good at. Let the others do it. My jackass birthers tucked tail and ran from Echo. My aunt at least wants to change things for the better. Fight for our place.

Which means she wants to be mayor and have me take her job as clerk. Which means me doing welfare and quality of life checks. I smile, at least shitbird’ll help make this go by less arduously. Still something is wrong, something’s about to happen and it makes me worried. Not afraid but… Like I know there’s a test I didn’t study for.

Mrs. Bronson lets me in with a smile. She’s always been cool with me unlike Syd’s dad. He was the reason that it doesn’t matter what this place does to people I can’t just write off their own actions. Syd’s dad was so obsessed with manhood and so fragile in his that he hurt Syd, planted the seeds that this town waters no matter how much I try to take ax and adze to them. “Hello Flynn. Sydney’s in his room, just… he’s had a bad couple days I don’t know what happened at school but… Even at breakfast he was real sour.” She rubs her paws together. I know she can see elements of her husband in Sydney, and while he might not have been a terrible husband, he wasn’t great. Too stunted emotionally to be present the way he needed to be. I also got some issues with Mormons for obvious reasons. So I smile and nod, “Yeah sounds about right. I know being benched Friday got him real messed up.” She smiles to me, “well, a break should help at least. And I know he’ll be happy to see you.” When I knock on his door there’s a muffled noise. A groan? He might have gone back to bed, well. Putting him in one of his wrestling holds should wake his musky ass up.

That’s not what happened, it takes me not even a beat before the training Aunt Delilah put me through has kicked in and I’m on auto pilot. “ELIZA GET ME THE WHITE KIT FROM THE TRUCK!” She comes in instead of doing what I ask and screams. Fucking hell, Syd’s brother Bobby comes in with her and makes a beeline for my truck. Kid’s got good instincts, I immediately get to him, taking off the rubber hose around his arm and yank the needle out of his arm setting it aside I start trying to keep his heart beating. He’s still warm but I can tell he’s clammy under his fur and his heart beat is there, but slow. His breathing is so shallow

Bobby comes back with the kit. I keep the mouth to mouth up, “Narcan, top of the kit.” He gets it, I pop the cap and administer it. His breathing starts to even out a bit. “Eliza there’s a light in my glovebox, put it on my truck. Ambulance will take too long. Bobby, help me get him to the truck.” Syd’s sister comes out yawning, “what’s going on?” I look over to her and she looks at Syd in our makeshift stretcher. “What happened to Sydney?” I look to her and Eliza comes in. “We need to take him to the hospital, keep the twins inside and out of Sydney’s room.” I spit venom once we’re outside. The stress has me producing overtime.

Once he’s in the back, Eliza gets in petting Syd’s headfur and crying telling him to be okay. She acted fast once she acted but I’m still frustrated with how much she’s paralyzed in this situation. Bobby gets in the front seat. I have to swerve slightly to avoid running over Chase who’s walking on the side of the road at six thirty in the morning like a fucking weirdo. Fucking hell how does he always manage to appear when this shit happens. Eliza looks me in the eyes in the rearview, “What happened Flynn? How’d he get the drugs? Where’d he get them? Why?” I hiss and spit another wad of venom out the window. “I don’t know, but I WILL find out.”

**

[Chase]

I wake up to see an otter on the ceiling. He looks so tired, and so scared, he’s strapped to a table also on the ceiling. I want to reach up to comfort and free him, I hate the expression on his face… My arms stop short. I try to pull but they just can’t move. Panic starts to grip my heart. It’s not an otter, it’s a mirror. I know that face, it’s my own. I start to struggle, but my limbs feel so heavy and weak.

Another figure one I know, I start to thrash. Coach Thompson starts getting closer, creeping up from the foot of the table to loom above me. No, I try to even my breathing. This isn’t real. He’s dead. Hanging in a motel when Dogeir’s little secrets started coming to light. He’s gone.

“Oh Chase… Is that what you think? Poor boy. You think I’d do something so selfish? Leave my favorite student all alone?” Yes, yes you would. You’re selfish everything you do is selfish. Everything you did to me was for yourself. None of it was for me. That was just a trick. A lie. “Poor boy. Letting those cops trick you like that. You think they’re on your side Chase? A delinquent little faggot?” His fangs brush my ear as he says this “It’s okay Chase, I’ll forgive you. I always do when you misbehave.” My toes curl with revulsion and a whine chokes out of my throat. His paw’s around my neck silencing the whine as he squeezes. Cutting off my air.

I thrash harder and he laughs, his voice starting to sound high and breathy with satisfaction. I see myself in the mirror. I can’t breathe. Darkness is seeping in, like pixels on the screen of my vision slowly going dark blotch by blotch…

**

[Chase PoV Awakening Second Morning of Break.]

I wake with a gasp, panting and heaving in bed. Cold sweat covering my body and making me shiver in the cool early morning air. My throat feeling tight and bruised. With shaking paws I unlatch the vent and reach in to grab my weed and lighter. On my way through the kitchen I notice the tickets. Looks like leaving the convenient ‘weekend trip couple’s therapy’ fliers around the house and neighborhood has paid off. I don’t know if I actually care about my parents working things out but I don’t feel like listening to them argue and snipe at each other every time they’re in the same room for more than twenty minutes. I’d also like them not to spend all my settlement money on court fees in a messy divorce. Four days without them in my hair also sounds like a good bonus.

Then I walk out into the gloaming, I don’t light up until I’m about fifteen minutes down the road to Payton. Taking a long drag from the joint I can finally feel myself getting calmer. I hear a car coming, I start to shift to the side of the road but the car’s moving fast and my reaction’s slow. They swerve and honk, which causes me to wince.

It takes me an embarrassingly long time to realize that it’s Flynn’s truck that nearly made me a street pizza. I’m stunned by the fast almost reckless driving and flashing light on the roof. So much so that, by the time I flip him off, he’s already around the bend and gone.

Why the fuck’s he tearing out of here towards Payton like Micha out of hell? As though summoned by my thoughts my phone starts to buzz. Micha’s name appears on the screen. “How the fuck you get my number?” I can hear the eyeroll, “Jeremy dipshit, you shouldn’t give your dealer your actual number scrub. You wanna be like us you gotta get your ass a burner phone.” He’s probably not wrong but I don’t want to admit that because Micha’s insufferable. Also one to talk I got his number from Jeremy.

“The fuck you calling me for Micha? If it’s to get up my ass about who I give my number to I’m hanging up.” There’s fierce cursing from the bat, “Fucking hell Chase, get the stick out of your ass.”

“Hanging up now,” my thumb slowly moves towards the end call button when he yells. “WAIT!” That’s how it goes. Micha needs to have his hand forced sometimes. Else he can spend hours being a fucking smartass. “Fucking fuck, Chase. Just. Listen. I think Keith’s gone missing,” Missing? We saw him like two days ago. Little less than. “What’re you talking about Micha, we saw him like-” he hisses. “Chase don’t be a bitch, he promised me he’d let me know when he finished his little heart to heart. He wouldn’t just leave me hanging like that. I think Brian did something to him.” Brian, he keeps popping up in ways that leave me weirdly disturbed.

“Okay so say he is missing and you aren’t being paranoid. No I’m not insulting you” because I can hear the affronted noise, “I would be a fucking hypocrite if I was.” Paranoia’s healthy for those like us. “One, isn’t Brian Jeremy’s supplier? Why not ask him? And two, aren’t you staying with Leo? Wouldn’t he also be a better choice than me?” There’s quiet and I can tell he’s trying to figure out how to phrase it. Probably because he already asked them. “Yeah, Brian’s Jer’s supplier. Didn’t think you two were that close.” We aren’t I overheard Sydney, but Micha doesn’t need to know that. “Between that and him and Clint being pants-shittingly terrified of Brian they won’t say dick about it. He’s already said as much.” Makes sense, I remember how they reacted to him being brought up at the Ahoa and Jeremy’s tone when he told Sydney his name. Also means he already asked him. Probably yesterday Jeremy doesn’t get up before noon unless he needs to for school… And even then.

“As for Leo… Leo barely knows Keith, doesn’t know Brian at all...” Meaning he’s not Pack. Leo’s only got the almost obsessive pack loyalty because that’s where all his energy goes. He won’t go out of his way for anyone not pack. “Okay,” I don’t even know why I’m agreeing to this, it’s not like I know Keith or Brian. Except I kinda do know Keith. And I know I don’t like Brian. Too many similarities.

No don’t go down that road, not if I want to be anything but useless. “What do you know?” Micha grumbles but I can tell he’s relieved, “Not much. Jeremy’s the one who knows him.” Alright that’s something at least. I’ll try Jeremy first, means I’ll have to wait for him to actually wake up. “Alright I’ll meet up with him when he’s awake and ask.” There’s a pause then Micha says, “Yeah, probably a good idea, I’ll meet you too, he might be more okay talking if we lean on him.”

**

[Payton General Hospital Flynn PoV]

I’m waiting outside with Syd’s mom. Mrs. Bronson’s just staring listlessly into space. The rhythmic clicking of my claws on the linoleum floor fills the largely quiet room. It’s not empty. Payton’s big enough and neither disease nor accident consider people’s schedules when interrupting their lives. We’ve been here a couple few hours now. The nurse comes out, “Eliza Bronson?” Syd’s mom jolts, getting up and going towards her, I follow. “He’s stable. You can go in and see him after we ask a couple questions.” She looks scared about that. She feels like shit I can tell. Probably thinking what kind of mother doesn’t notice? Syd hides shit from her all the time, it’s not her fault. It’s just who Syd is; I’m the one who should have seen it. He doesn’t hide shit from me… or I thought he didn’t.

“Does he have any unlisted conditions? His file didn’t indicate anything but his oxygen’s all over the place in a manner not consistent with an overdose. His reactions are also inconsistent. His pupils dilate normally but then they start acting like he’s in REM sleep. So we need to look into possible head injury, neurochemical disorders, hallucinations, mood swings, anything you can think of?”

She shakes her head, “Maybe, he has anger problems but nothing like hallucinations and he’s only ever angry when he has a reason. He just gets heated.” I want to defend him like she is but I have to keep a cool head. If there’s something with his head then I need to be realistic and… Syd and his dad never had proportional responses to things that upset them. The nurse nods, “we can go into more detail in his room.” She holds up a hand to stop me from following. “Are you family?” Mrs. Bronson starts to say something but I interrupt. “It’s fine I should call my aunt and check in anyway, I don’t need to get fired before I’m actually a clerk.” She frowns, “I’m sure Delilah won’t do that, it’s an emergency.” I smile “Yeah but she doesn’t know yet.”

Eliza realizes that is true that we’ve been in emergency mode so long that we didn’t think about the more mundane parts of the emergency. Plus I can’t track down his dealer from the hospital room. Once I’m outside I take out my phone, my aunt answers after the first ring. “Why didn’t you finish your rounds?” She’s not happy about it but that’s fine, “Syd ODed this morning. I went to pick him up and his mom and I found him in his room.”

There’s silence a moment, “Jesus, is he...” I shake my head but she can’t see it so I speak up. “No he’s in the ICU but he’s stable.” I can hear her considering, “Take the rest of the day off I’ll cover.” I’m thankful running a hand over my head crest. “Thanks, I gotta stop by later anyway so I’ll cover your lunch break,” she makes a noise, I know she’s not excited about it but she agrees, “See you at one then.”

**

[Jasmynn Street Chase PoV]

The gang’s currently decided to set up shop in the second floor of a house abandoned halfway through renovations. There’s something terribly sad about that, a home someone had probably saved for left to ruin. The excitement of a new beginning lost, were they a new family? A couple buying their first home? Or a young professional trying to build equity? It doesn’t matter anymore, all that’s left is the husk of an abandoned dream. The seating of this gathering reminds me of the Ahoa with a cooler of pop and some beers replacing the bonfire.

Heather gets up and makes to hug me but stops, the movement awkwardly aborted when she notices the flinch I thought I’d suppressed. Instead she gives me another of her strange commiserating smiles, I’m starting to feel more like I should know what they mean. I hate the show of weakness, he’s DEAD a nightmare shouldn’t get to me like this, a dead man shouldn’t have this much power over me. “What’d you want psycho?” Clint’s abrasive tone cuts through the awkward vibes in a way that makes me question how the hell I’d ever found myself being grateful to Clint for being a shit. I smile at him, full pearly-whites, “What else do I put up with your mangy ass for?” Jeremy snorts, “Too bad I’m tapped out Chase, sounds like someone isn’t as good at moderation as he claims.”

I still have my stash but they don’t need to know that. I know my motives, that’s enough for me. “Yeah? Maybe your supplier then?” That instantly makes everyone tense up, even Heather and Micha interestingly. Micha shoots me a look like this was not to plan, how the fuck does he successfully shoplift with that shit a poker face? Luckily for us the others are too distracted. “Chase…” Jeremy starts but he doesn’t meet my eye for the second time, this confirms what I was sure of. Brian is his supplier, not just a name he sent Sydney to. Clint again cuts through the moment, “Fucking figures. Birds of a feather.” Heather’s eyes are clear and her gaze piercing and so horribly lucid. “Dubois,” despite that her voice has that dreamy affect and I wonder not for the first time, how much her airhead schtick is an act, “He’s pretty new so the clerk probably has his lot?” Clint shoots her a look of betrayal, which is interesting, Jeremy rubs his temples, and sarcastically says “Yes Heather thank you. That was very helpful.”

She smiles to him, her eyes glazing again, “See I’m not stupid, everyone thinks I don’t pay attention but I do!”

**

[Jasmynn Street Flynn PoV]

Climbing the rickety stairs I have to look out not just for loose nails but dry rot. There’s a reason I call this shithole ‘Tetanus Alley.’ I can hear the tweedles but there’s other voices up there too. Micha’s one, I’ve heard his voice often enough since I’ve had to ‘live and let live’ about my damn bike since he and Leo started bumping uglies. Shouldn’t be surprised klepto is still part of their merry band. I don’t recognize the other two but one of them nags at me.

There’s a snap, a patch of rot on the last step was wider than I thought, I’m spotted. Clint has a clear line of sight to the door, and he isn’t subtle, “FUCK’S SAKE?! More of you fucks?” Jeremy looks panicked for a minute until he sees it’s me, then he just makes a noise of disgust, “Man Clint don’t lump them together. Chase is tight.” That explains the familiar unfamiliar voice, and sure enough my least favorite, living, otter is in the room just out of sight from the door. He puts his paws over his heart bats his eyes to the desert fox and in the most aggressively saccharine voice says “Why Jeremy! You do care!” Jeremy gags and flips him off but still laughs as he says “And now I regret all of it.”

“Cute as your knitting circle is...” My voice drops the venom my people are known for seeping into it. “Which one of you turd burglars sold to Sydney.” I loom over Jeremy, exhaling over my venom glands the bitter smell of it filling the room, I know Jeremy sells to Carl. Wouldn’t surprise me if he was the one who did this. “Didn’t know Syd’s a meth-head now,” Chase says, he glances at Clint who’s thumbing something in his pocket. My first instinct is to get ready for them rushing me but Clint holds off, seeming more interested in whatever Chase is doing, so I keep Clint and Jeremy in my periphery but glance at Chase. What game is Hunter playing at, might as well hazard it, “Heroin.” Chase smiles and nods at Clint and then to Jeremy, “Well too bad no one here deals that, Jeremy said as much last weekend.”

Jeremy looks shocked; not, I note, that Chase is covering for him, the reaction is too delayed, but also too genuine, no something else is going on. I’m almost inclined to believe Cunter. Almost, “Yeah I’m not as gullible as you apparently. Assuming you aren’t just covering for your new friends. Shouldn’t be surprised you ended up here, with the rest of Echo’s trash.” Chase doesn’t even flinch, his expression doesn’t change, no flick of an ear, no broken eye contact, no flick of his tail or clenching his paws. Just that same bland passive expression, like he’s not even alive, it’s fucking creepy. “Man,” Jeremy’s voice, “Heroin’s fucking expensive you think I’d pass up that kind of cash?” Clint has shuffled next to him, taut like a wound spring, Jeremy’s also trying to hide his clenched fists with his relaxed stance. Chase though, Chase just looks a bit bored.

“Man, fuck off Flynn,” Micha, I’d actually forgotten he was here. Leo’s going to give me an earful later, might even deck me. Fuck these two and their whole fucking deal. “You got your answer. No one here sold to your fucking psycho friend.” He says something low, I can’t make it out but Clint’s ears swivel, closer to the bat than I am it’s likely meant for him. The polecat starts to relax. He’s still got his hand on whatever piece is on him. Probably a knife, maybe a gun. I won’t push too much further, it may no longer be the promise of violence but the threat is still there.

“Who deals then?” Jeremy shrugs but it’s too forced to be honest, he knows something. “Ask Sydney. Thought you two were tight.” I don’t need to put up with this shit, but this is all I’ll get from them. Without outing Syd’s problems. Which they aren’t entitled to. So instead I back out of the room keeping my sights on them. They let me.

**

[Jasmynn Street Chase PoV]

“Chase,” Jeremy catches me before I leave, everyone’s on edge after Flynn crashed the party, “I’m serious, don’t fuck with Brian. The dude’s a psycho. Like sure we give you shit but he’s… He’s evil Chase, sadistic. I don’t know what he did to Keith but I don’t want it to happen to your or Micha.” I nod but I wont be stopping. Jeremy and Clint, I may not be the best friends with them after all they’ve done when we were kids. But they’ve done more for me than my supposed friends. So what happens when they’re stuck under his thumb? How long will they survive and what would the cost of that be?

𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕂ℕ𝕆𝕎 ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕋ℍ𝔸𝕋 𝔼ℕ𝔻𝕊.

Returning home to get a quick lunch and then a hat and sunglasses before I need to hike to the Echo government building mom and dad call me into the living room. Joy. This isn’t what I want to deal with. “Chase, we wanted to talk to you for a second.” Shuffling into the living room I look at them, “Chase your mother and I are going on a trip, we’ll be gone until Sunday. We’re leaving tonight and leaving money and the number for the place but please be careful. Always lock up.” Mom speaks up, “we trust you to keep the place clean and not have anyone over,” Because I don’t have friends thanks to you, “So don’t break that trust.” I nod, “Sure, promise I’ll let you know if something happens.” I’ d cross my fingers but lying to them isn’t worth that effort.

ℍ𝕆𝕎 ℂ𝕆ℕ𝕍𝔼ℕ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝕋 𝔽𝕆ℝ 𝕐𝕆𝕌.

“Well alright, we’ll be leaving this afternoon will you be there to see us off?” Of course they’re just dropping it on me. “Sorry I have an appointment at the government center for my APUSH project.” Dad looks proud of me. Mom looks disappointed but she smiles and kisses me on the forehead, “Well alright sweetie that’s pretty important.” I tolerate it, the sooner I’m out the door the sooner they are.

Still it’s starting to feel like things are lining up, too perfectly, for the first time since I broke down in TJ’s arms I can feel amber eyes on my back whenever I cross a reflection. I leave for the county clerk’s office without a bathroom trip. I can bathe later.

**

[Diner Flynn PoV Same Time]

Fucking Leo’s still not picking up and Carl might not even be up, either way neither of them are answering. I rub my muzzle because this whole thing is a damn nightmare. Janice comes back with my order, I’m not usually interested in the diner but I didn’t exactly have time to make myself or my aunt lunch so I’ll just deal with any indigestion. Luckily they’ve finally started offering a salad option which is less murderous on me than their other options. Looking up I realize that half the town is here for lunch. And the other half has probably passed through here. “Hey Janice you got a sec?”

She stops by my table eyebrow quirked. “What’s up hun?” I pause for just a second, “There anyone new in town? They’d be palling around with Jeremy and Clint, or I guess running them. Probably older than them.” She frowns and purses her lips in the way she does when she knows and clearly isn’t fond of knowing. “You ain’t looking to pick something up?” I scowl, “Fuck no Janice! I think he’s dealing serious shit and I don’t want… Carl getting involved.” Not an amazing lie but it’s believable and she seems to accept that I’m not looking to buy at least. Seriously Janice, what the fuck?

She taps her pen on her notepad a moment then she answers, “His name’s Brian, he’s come in a couple times and he’s a, now I don’t say this lightly and you don’t go running your mouth about me swearing at work, a fucked up son of a bitch. Comes in by himself occasionally, comes in with Duke less often. Last name’s Dubois.” She shakes her head sadly, “He used to run a bar with his then boyfriend, that part came out later, did some fucked up shit and I know Keith didn’t know about it. Keith’s a spacey kid but he’s a good egg, I know Karen, and have since we were girls. I love her like a sister. But kicking Keith out was one of the most heinous things I’ve seen someone do. You keep Carl and your other lil friends away from Brian. Especially Chase now that he’s back, kid might think he’s slick but I know he’s been smoking.” I’m not Chase’s minder and he’s not even slightly in our orbit since the lake. No sense telling Janice that though. “Thanks Janice, mind putting in an order for my aunt’s usual? I’m bringing her lunch today.” She nods smiling happily, it’s not her customer service smile at least, hate that unnatural expression. “Well aintchu sweet, tell her ‘hi’ for me.”

**

[County Clerk’s Office Chase PoV]

The county clerk’s office is hot and stuffy. Smelling vaguely of dust and a small amount of sweat. Flynn’s aunt is sitting at the front desk and I am not sure at all about going up and talking to her about my appointment. She looks up at me and I can tell there’s a calculating appraisal to her expression. I keep my own neutral, then there’s something strange in her expression but she sighs. “Mr. Hunter. I’m guessing you’re here for your appointment with the records room?” I nod, “Yes, and I want to know how far back sheriff’s reports go. I found a pic of Janice’s great grandad. Figure it might be nice to use it as a visual aid for something.” She hums, “Well they go back to the founding by and large. Though we do get some in from Payton and a few other places when someone new moves in.”

I cock my head, “Isn’t that illegal?” She shakes her head, “Not unless the record’s sealed. Like when a child offender turns eighteen.” That’s pointed. She’s as acerbic as Flynn, just less direct about it. “Good to know if I ever get a record,” Dogier was private and my role in the trial was a witness so she can get fucked. Everyone can honestly. I don’t have a record so they can all stop acting like I do.

𝕁𝕌𝕊𝕋𝕀ℂ𝔼 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕃𝔼𝔾𝔸𝕃𝕀𝕋𝕐 𝔸ℝ𝔼 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊𝔸𝕄𝔼.

Fuck them. She seems to realize I won’t rise to the bait in the way she wants when I don’t elaborate or change my tone. So instead she leads me to the records room in merciful silence. Finding what I want is not easy… Because the file system is a nightmare to navigate. And Flynn’s aunt is looming in the background. Do county clerks not have actual jobs? Whatever, I pull up criminal records going back to the founding and sift through them while I work out the system. Luckily that’s also where I find my target.

Brian Dubois Plot 12 at Danicka Lane. Remote, I don’t think there’s even any trailers out there. Perfect for a psycho drug kingpin. And psycho is right, his arrest record is public because he’s deemed a ‘potential threat’ to any community he’s in. An image of a worried German Shepherd and a missing poster with a smiling coyote comes to mind.

Once again I am struck by just how fucking worthless cops are.

ℍ𝔼’𝕃𝕃 ℕ𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ 𝕊𝕋𝕆ℙ.

Not unless someone stops him.

ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃 𝕊𝕋𝕆ℙ ℍ𝕀𝕄.

I write it down the way I’ve been doing all my other notes. Packing them up I turn to see that Ms. Moore is gone. Good she got the hint. Okay maybe I was doing something nefarious but nothing illegal about accessing public records. I check the front desk, it’s unmanned which is… A little creepy, the way this place just went quiet and empty like that. Stepping away from the clerk’s desk I turn towards the main hallway. And almost run into Flynn. Ugh, why do I keep seeing him around? His own eyes widen, then narrow. “The fuck are you doing here?” I smile at him pleasantly, “School project.” I try to squeak past him only for him to grab my arm. “Why don’t you go where you’re actually wanted. Like Danika mine, or out in the desert.” I pull my arm away, “Well golly gee Flynn, that’s I guess, a bit more polite then yelling kill yourself like a preteen channer.”

He sneers at me, “Oh what? Little chip on your shoulder? Enemy of the world because you got some consequences for once in your cushy little life?” I should be mad, I am a little, no not mad. Offended. He’s trying to do his little ‘psycho-analyzing’ thing. But he doesn’t know jack shit about me. The arrogance! I roll my eyes, “Why don't you play therapist to the person who needs it? Like you know the violent sociopath you keep covering for? Speaking of consequences, how’s he been without any of his own? I heard his wrestling matches have been a shitshow." Flynn looks like I just punched him in the stomach, shocked, hurt, and a little winded.

Poor baby not fun when someone else decides to go for your weakness huh? He rears back about to punch me but it’s sloppier than anyone from Dogeir would have done and ducking under him is easy. He ends up punching the drywall. On my way out the door I shoot one imperious look over my shoulder at him, he’s taller than me, even hunched over cradling his hand. "𝕀 𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼 𝔽𝕀ℕ𝕀𝕊ℍ𝔼𝔻 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕁𝕆𝔹 𝔸𝕋 𝔼𝕄𝕄𝔸."

**

[County Clerk’s Office Flynn PoV Moments Later]

I go to stop Chase only for the front doors to slam in my face. My reflection in the window grinning back at me. I have to touch my cheek to be sure that’s not actually my expression. It’s not. I blink and my shocked and disturbed face is mirrored correctly, melting into a scowl. Something’s going on, more than Chase being off.

I turn to see my aunt looking over at me from the door, “What was Chase even doing here?” She doesn’t respond at first. I think she might have been there for our interaction because she’s clearly unnerved. Can’t say I don’t get it Chase is a mouthy lil shit, always has been but between that cadence in his voice and what I hope is a trick of the light, I’m starting to suspect there’s something else going on.

Hard to tell though, he’s different I can tell as much from the last few times I’ve seen him. There’s a disdain to him that reminds me of Jasmynn but deeper. Fury or vindictive spite in addition to hating Echo. He might think I can’t tell, that he’s changed too much, and he has. The old Chase was never confrontational, he avoided conflict whenever he could. My aunt shrugs finally deciding to answer my question, “I can only watch him so closely you know?” She holds the door to the back open and I follow her, “Seemed like he was being honest about it being for school. He looked at everything from land plots, to mayoral minutes, to sheriff documents going back to 1875.” I grumble, with a range like that I might as well just look into what I came here for.

I hand off her lunch, “Alright, I’m going on break so let me know if you need anything now.” I huff, “Nah. I’m good, Janice says ‘hi’ by the way.” She smiles at that, “She’s a lovely woman.” I walk into the records room and start to go through what I can. Finding the info I want is shockingly easy. Namely because it was in the ‘recently accessed’ quick select. Meaning whoever was here before me was looking at it. The fuck is Chase looking into Brian for? Again that sense that something’s off. That I’m only getting a fraction of the story and people are lying to my fucking face about it. Again. Just like the fucking lake. Only Chase, Toby, and Syd know what happened that day and no matter how much I love Syd I’d be a fucking moron to take his version at face value. Especially after today I can’t help but think bitterly. Yet it’s hard to think anything else, neither Chase nor Toby have said anything to contradict that. Not that I or anyone in the group would really believe Chase… Eh, maybe Jasmynn she fucking hates Sydney. She’d never liked him but after something like middle school their relationship sank like a brick.

Chase did most of the work for me making finding the plot Brian’s trailer occupies easy… Which frees up time to maybe satisfy some of my curiosity about the otter. People might lie but records don’t, especially not if you can look through the facts and compare them to statements. Finding that info is both harder and easier than I thought. Harder because I was expecting a criminal record, easy to find but hard to access being sealed per the juvenile records laws. But no, there’s nothing, no criminal trial, no charges were pressed. Which means contrary to everyone’s belief he wasn’t in juvie.

That means my time is spent tracking mailing information and a couple tax documents that required a county login to access. Turns out the Hunter’s decided to contract out parenting the problem child. “Dogeir…” A quick search brings up a reform school for boys. Shut down within the last six months. A series of articles come up, one with a tabloid photo of a group of kids coming out of a courthouse. A certain otter hidden in the middle of the group. That article is salacious, clearly milking the tragedy of the event. Lurid exploitation at it’s worse. So I move on to the article that broke the story, hoping for something more professional. I get it but oh it’s so much worse. The author had gone undercover into the school following suppressed complaints and stories of accidental deaths and suicides. His details are first hand. I can barely finish the article before I’m closing it and clearing the cache.

I realign myself, what I learned… It’s stomach churning. I wish I was enough of an asshole to agree with that malicious intrusive thought that he deserved it for traumatizing Sydney. Except that isn’t what traumatized Sydney. I know all too well what traumatized Sydney. I covered it up. Dirtied my hands, like I’m doing again. Like I did every time I lied to Mrs. Bronson about Syd’s behavior. No Chase has fuckall to do with what traumatized Syd, he and Syd are just a fucked up Ouroboros of shitty behavior. A symptom more than anything.

**

[Brian’s Trailer Chase PoV]

The trailer looks exactly like the kind of thing I expect from someone like Brian. Remote, covered in rust, with garbage decorating the yard, including I note watching where I step, at least one needle. You’d think walking around paws out around the hot southwest would make people less inclined to break glass or drop needles but nope. Echo is such a fucking hole.

Approaching the trailer I can hear something going on inside. Something sounds like muffled words along with a high breathy voice that seems risen with barely contained excitement. It’s creepy the way it filters out of the bear’s abode. Steeling myself I knock loud and clear and the high effeminate voice curses and starts stomping towards the door causing me to backup. I mentally find myself glad I learned to project my voice better. My own high whine would have been too similar for comfort in a few years. What opens the door looks like more mange than bear.

I wasn’t sure what I’d been picturing, I guess I’d hoped that someone like Keith who Jeremy, Clint, Micha, and Heather clearly respect, had better taste in men. Because this man looks awful. And much of it is clearly self inflicted if the drugged out haze in his eyes is any indication. What really catches my eye is a faded red lifeguard’s bucket hat, sat just inside the door on an end table. Both times I met Keith he had that hat. I remember the muffled voice, the sobbing sounds before the door opened. Noticing my gaze the bear steps out and slams the door behind him. “The fuck you looking at?”

His voice may not be intimidating but his body is. There’s clearly muscle beneath the layer of fat, sallow skin, and patchy fur. “I heard you’re the guy to come to for drugs, I need weed.” He snorts, “Go bother Jeremy.” I hope that I can leverage unpleasant skills, I cross my arms behind my back and look up through my bangs with a pout. “Really? He’s out, and I could really use something to help me sleep...” He scratches his belly and tries to look disinterested, but I can see the malignant predatory gleam in his eyes. “I suppose… How much cash you got?” Bingo, “Enough, but I didn’t bring it. Wanted to make sure I got the right place ya know?”

He scowls a moment then grins widely, “I bet I can get you what you want, even give you a nice discount. If you’re willing to repay me for my gen-generous nature.” Ugh, that disgusting attempt at a sensual purr to his voice makes it obvious what he wants, it turns my stomach but I smile through it. “I bet we can work something out. Meet me at the overlook park? You know the one?” He looks confused, “At the lake? Yeah I know it. Why there?” I look a bit sheepish, like a kid over his head, “W-well my parents want me home before curfew and I live over that way...” There’s a naked hunger to his eyes now. Like the idea of doing what he wants under my parents’ noses is the best thing he can imagine.

Predictable, I guess when you’ve met one you’ve met them all. “Great! See you then!” I hope I’m not too late.

**

[Brian’s Trailer Flynn PoV]

Getting out of the clerk’s office was arduous, my aunt needed more help after I’d finished my research, at least she was willing to cover my time. And pay for dinner. Now I’m approaching the plot the man’s trailer is located on. Yep just as disgusting as I imagined Tetanus Alley’s kingpin. He’s even getting out and going towards a pick up.

I box him in before getting out. “You Brian?” I know the answer, he’s as ugly as his mugshot. He growls, “Shops closed. Move your fucking truck before I wreck your faggot ass.” Wow, he’d be intimidating if he sounded like anything else. “Really? You sound like that. Talk about wrecking ass. And call me a fag? You’re projecting hard enough to show a power point.” His eyes blaze, he’s fucking pissed, “As for my truck… How about no. Simple fact is you ain’t going to deal to any Bronson. EVER. I hear anything about it and I-” I probably should have expected the blind side to the muzzle. I did expect it, fucker has more reach than I thought. I charge him and try to grapple him ready to bite him if I need to but he’s ready and has my head braced. I can’t get a clean shot. I take one shot anyway. His fur is rancid and this was a mistake.

His meaty fist hits my belly and the wind is knocked out of me. I can hear as much as feel something inside crack. I can feel him grab my crest just before my head makes contact with my truck. God how fucked is it that while my vision whites from the pain my first thought is that he dented my fucking truck. Fucks sake Moore worry about your fucking skull asshole. I kick out and catch his chins with my claws raking them over his leg and drawing blood. He screams and yanks me hard sending me off the side and into a ditch of scrub. There pain and a tinkling sound that accompanies broken glass. Of course there’s broken glass on the ground out here.

“Guess you’re lucky I got somewhere to be. Nice piece of faggot tail. I hear they can hold their breath real long.” The fucking perv starts to giggle that horrible sibilant falsetto of his giving it a disturbing breathy sound, “Maybe I’ll make your little friend join him if he’s still alive after that mix.” I can hear him get into his truck and start to drive off I have to roll out of the way since he’s going around my truck and nearly over me. As the sound of it fades, drowned out by the ringing in my ears I drag myself to my phone and dial Carl’s number. Fatass answers on the third ring, “Yoooooo Flynn man sup?” I cough up blood and venom into the scrub, “You don’t sound so good bro.”

“Yeah no shit Carl I just got the shit beat out of me and I think I got a broken rib.” There’s a pause, “Whoa, no shit? What’re you gonna do?” God dammit he’s already fucking high, “Oh I don’t know I was thinking of getting my fatass fucking friend to drive me to the hospital. I swear to god if you crash and kill me, after I survived this beating, because you’re high. I will drag you to hell with me.” There’s a pause, “Oh uh sure… Where are you?” I give him the address.

He arrives in a short amount of time and helps me in. “So uh, not that I’m not happy to be your go to but why’d you call me and not Sydney?” Shit he doesn’t know about Syd is the last cogent thought I have before I decide fuck it unconsciousness is better than explaining shit.

**

[Flynn PoV]

I wake up to a brief moment of pounding, followed by the feeling of floating. I recognize the ceiling of Payton General. Three things hit me, first is brief panic about waking up somewhere weird. Second that I must be on the good shit to not be feeling like roadkill. Last that the brain damage is hopefully nonexistent or at least very minor since I can remember all of that. Then shit. Chase is walking into a meeting with that psycho. Lil fucker might have pissed me off, and next time I see him I will punch his shitty face, but no one deserves to be at that bears mercy.

I try to sit up but just manage to fall back with a groan. Right the good shit. My balance is probably going to be a little fucked, as is my speech. “Flynn! You’re awake!” Carl’s at my side and auntie’s on the other side. “Oh shit.” She scowls at me and then pulls me into a hug that pulls on the IV “Ow! Dammit that fushing hursh!” She looks me dead in the eye, “Shut up Flynn. You reckless stupid boy.” Then I’m in a hug again. Carl looks awkwardly around but I roll my eyes, “You too stoner. I need someone to cushion me against the boney old lady.”

“I almost wish that fucker broke your jaw mouthing off like this. You’re on painkillers how do you still have that smart a mouth?” I roll my eyes but Carl obliges me, probably because he knows I wouldn’t allow anything like this sober.

The moment is brief and ruined by the worst interruption I could get that doesn’t involve a psychotic dealer. Cops. Fuck I’d rather deal with Chase than cops. “Mr. Moore, now that you’re awake we’d like to speak to you.”

Chapter Text

Conqueror Worm

[Sydney PoV]

I’m trapped in the suffocating darkness for so damn long. My neurons firing across my brain. Or have I died and this is the halls of judgment? The weight of my sins weighed against the truth of my life, ready to send me into oblivion. Or worse leave me with nothing but his voice.𝙒𝙚’𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚. 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪… 𝘼𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣. Sam. Yes. My ally, my friend, my bane, my torturer. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙗𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝. I saw, I saw what happened after I was taken away by the ambulance. Flynn confronting Brian. Brian beating him to death. I can feel myself screaming until my throat is raw and bleeding.

Breathing is hard, are my lungs failing? Or is this death? The inability to breathe, the inability to die. Suffocating forever. I see myself, a shotgun in one hand. I take Brian by surprise. The knee blown off, he’s on the ground. I brought a baseball bat. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪? 𝙎𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙩𝙝 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨. I watch myself take my time beating him to death. I’m slower than he was with Flynn. There’s satisfaction to it. But it doesn’t stop.

I found his little notebook. His list of names and how long they lasted. I found his secret graveyard. And I realized it. I was unshackled. Flynn was gone. Ambushing Chase was the first thing I needed to do. I beat him with a crowbar, he fought back but the element of surprise was mine. He doesn’t die before I need to run but he’s left a vegetable. Toby is next, I’m able to tie him up and bring him to Lake Emma and finish what I started all those years ago. Jasmynn escapes Echo. She escapes 𝙢𝙚. And 𝙄 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙀 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙩. Oh I can feel my resentment, she escapes, I don’t. So I take it out on her brother. I make him my slut.

He needs me, I have Brian’s stash, and his connections. And I enjoy beating him and taking him. He cannot do anything about it. I found the tape of Duke’s wife, the agreement between him and Brian. He buries Toby in the desert for me. But unlike Brian I don’t let him have his blackmail. He’s in the grave next to the lynx. 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨.

Years go by and I perfect my craft in 𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝘽𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙. I keep them alive for weeks. 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨, 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙩. The hysteria is 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙣𝙪𝙢 𝙤𝙥𝙪𝙨, so many people trapped in their illusions. 𝙊𝙝 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨! 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙. 𝙋𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 ‘𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝’ 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙚. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙩𝙤𝙮𝙨. 𝘼𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚. 𝙈𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙣. “NO!” I scream, because this isn’t me this is him.

Sam, the thing that a man became after decades of suffering and years more without form and mind. “STOP!” I scream into the dark. 𝙊𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩? 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚. “SHUT UP! YOU AREN’T ME!” I saw while he tormented me with what ‘we’ could be. Saw him in my dad’s mind raking his hatred across my father’s synapses. 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙎𝙮𝙙𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙛𝙪𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. 𝙈𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨. “THEN LET ME DIE.” I scream again, “Just let me die. I hate this. I hate not being in control. I’m sick of being this.” Rage and fury echo through me, but I’m used to it. Because that’s all I’ve felt clearly for years. “I’m sick of this, get out of my mind!”

𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙮 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧, “I didn’t ask for that! Why do I deserve this?!” 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙏𝙤𝙗𝙮? 𝘿𝙞𝙙 𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙞𝙙? “AND HOW DID YOU HELP THAT?” 𝙄 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙. “Maybe I shouldn’t get everything I want?”

…

His Silence is deafening and then I see something else. Another time and another place. I see what could have been, drowning in Lake Emma, Toby saved. Chase holds me under and I feel it in my final moments.

Relief, gratitude, clarity, a suspended moment in time where I’m not rage. I see Chase’s eyes dull. Sam jumping to him, like a rat fleeing a sinking ship. That drives something in me. Makes it snap. NO! How dare he? How dare he take my dad and twist him? How dare he take me and twist me?! How dare he ruin my friends! “GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT! GET OUT!” I put all my fury behind it, behind even the rage he fans. This is deeper this is wholly and completely ME. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” It’s quiet. So so suffocatingly quiet, here in the dark behind my closed eyes in my dying brain…

**

[Lake Emma Chase PoV]

Waiting at the picnic table overlooking the lake I take a breath, hold it, and let it out. Am I really going to do this? There’s no turning back. If I don’t then someone else gets hurt, no I saw that hat, I talked to Micha, I saw the missing posters in Payton. Keith will die if he isn’t already.𝕁𝕌𝕊𝕋 𝕃𝕀𝕂𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕃𝔸𝕂𝔼. Yes 𝔹𝕌𝕋 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℂ𝔸ℕ 𝕊𝕋𝕆ℙ 𝕀𝕋. Yes. ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝔼𝕃𝕊𝔼 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃. 𝕀𝕋’𝕃𝕃 𝕁𝕌𝕊𝕋 𝕂𝔼𝔼ℙ ℍ𝔸ℙℙ𝔼ℕ𝕀ℕ𝔾. ℍ𝔼’𝕃𝕃 𝔻𝕆 𝕀𝕋 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ. I nod as Brian’s pickup pulls up with a rattling cough. I was an idiot to think I could be anything better than I am, I’m the bad kid. I might as well do something worthwhile with it.

He stumbles out of his truck, moving like a drunk. High? Probably. Looks like he got into a fight though. One of his legs and arms is bloodied, but he’s swaying and his pupils are blown, not limping. Probably took something for the pain. Or maybe he’s just that fucked in the head? He grins and struts up towards me. There’s something about what’s about to happen that’s thrilling. I was never able to see justice done. Not for me. Not for the others. Time and death robbing us. A settlement consolation prize. The worlds worst ‘you tried’ sticker.

I offer Brian a teasing glimpse of my ass through my shorts, tail swaying enough to get his eyes on one part of me and off the more important part. I feel him grope and the bile rises in my throat but I shoot a sultry smile and slip out of his grasp with a playful laugh. Planting my feet firm and bending my knees just enough. I almost laugh again, Kedryck’s voice in my head walking me through my form. I have maybe a second at most as the bleary eyed stoned bear pivots, one foot raised, he’s balanced on his injured leg. I wont have a better shot so before he can bring it down and regain his balance I launch myself into his side. It’s called overlook park because it’s right above a major drop-off, I take us into that drop-off. Taking us both over the ledge and into Lake Emma. The water is chilly, not too cold yet, but still enough to take my breath away if I hadn’t been through conditioning. Brian’s winded as soon as we go under.

I’m immediately pumping my legs and he’s trying to beat me, bringing his ham hock fists down on my shoulder they’ll bruise, maybe swell, but he can’t get a good enough angle to really damage me. Rudder tail and legs work overtime since I can’t let go of him, adrenaline helping to push us down further. Even his drug addled brain is starting to wake up to his predicament. He switches from trying to beat and punish me to trying to free himself, it’s too late though. He’s going to die here, I know we’re already near too deep for him to surface before he takes in water.

His beady little eyes are blown wide with terror and a feral animal desperation; he doesn’t want to die. It’s almost funny, if what little I saw of his trailer was anything to go on he doesn’t care about other lives. Probably even has victims already. I hope I’m not too late for Keith. His thrashing is getting slower, I release him and kick off him starting for the surface looking back long enough to see the last bubbles pushed out by my kick and the slow spastic twitches that are his drowning brain trying to save itself.

He looks pathetic like this, a disgusting bloated corpse that hasn’t quite realized it yet. There’s satisfaction knowing he’ll never hurt anyone again. As I swim back to the surface that voice from the mirror comes back to me, ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕐 ℍ𝔸𝕊 ℍ𝔼 ℍ𝕌ℝ𝕋 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝔸𝕀𝕃𝔼𝔻? ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕄 𝔸ℕ𝕐 𝕎𝕀𝕃𝕃 ℍ𝕌ℝ𝕋 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℂ𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻ℕ’𝕋 𝔼ℕ𝔻 𝕀𝕋?  I shake it off and head to the surface. I know Brian won’t surface with a pulse because my own lungs are burning by the time I crest into the cool night air. Gasping a lung-full of the precious oxygen. I shudder with unwanted empathy for what Brian just experienced at my own hand. What Sydney once experienced, though not to it’s conclusion. Then I puke until I dry heave. Then I laugh. I laugh until I sob…

I’m still short on time, I need to clean myself up. Make sure that I don’t smell like the lake or look sodden when I meet with Micha. No one can know. This is my sin and mine alone.

**

[Train Yard, Micha PoV]

Leo tightens his grip on the back of my head and shoves me down causing me to gag. I hate it when he does that and I run my teeth along his length, a threat, a threat I will follow through on... And unfortunately a threat he decides to take as a reason to finish. I pull off and spit it into the brush next to the train car we’re using to get away from his parents and brother, “Fucks sake Leo...” He has the decency to look chastised, which… is really cute, big eyes ears folded back. Bastard knows I’d let him get away with murder if he flashes me the damn puppy eyes.

I’m spared having to decide how to give him shit for it when my phone rings. Chase’s name is on the caller ID. Or the pseudonym I gave him. Hot as he is, love him though I may, Leo’s paranoid and would one hundred percent look at my phone if I left it unattended, “Hey I gotta take this.” He’s distracted looking down at his phone with a hard expression, his ears swivel towards me and he looks up. “Oh yeah not problem Chula,” fuck he can’t use the masculine suffix? Or at least the neutral. “Looks like Flynn and Carl tried to call me today.” Then I can hear him say much lower, probably not intending to be audible, “A lot apparently...”

Whatever not my problem right now. I take my phone outside and a ways away. “Whatdya want?” There’s a deep sigh like he wants to say something else but instead he says “I found Keith… I think.” I hiss into the phone, “What do you mean you ‘think’?” I realize my voice carried, I didn’t contain it as well as I wanted. My ears rotate to make sure Leo’s not on his way out to listen in on this conversation overtly. Shit I do not need right now. “Brian had his hat.”

To anyone else that would be the flimsiest bit of evidence. I am not just anyone though. “You’re sure?” Chase pauses but there’s noise in the background like he’s multitasking, “Pretty damn sure. Brian was driving out of town about twenty minutes ago. I can’t get into his trailer to be sure. Not on my own. But hey, how different is a trailer lock to a dirt-bike lock?” Fucker, course some dipshit would tell him about that, still I snort, I like that he gives as good as he gets. “Breaking into Brian’s trailer is a hell of a lot more than I was expecting.” Still, reputation aside Chase wouldn’t just suggest it. Especially not with his own skin on the line. “Alright give me twenty to get over there on my own,” Lord knows I can’t get a ride from Leo if Chase is going to be there. Not to mention the breaking and entering. I hang up and go to let my boyfriend know about this.

“I gotta go. They found Keith,” I say that as I grab my tank top and throw it on. Leo however is now in front of me blocking the way out of the car. “Flynn and Sydney are in the hospital, we gotta go!” We? Leo I like, I get on with him, Carl’s chill, and I like picking fights with Jasmynn. Flynn though? I barely know the guy other than he covers for Sydney and Sydney’s a fucking sociopath. “Leo, you go ahead, but I need to go.” He starts to loom, another thing I fucking hate it when he does. It’s his way of trying to say ‘No I am right and we are doing this thing because I’m the bigger man literally.’ The blowhard. “Micha, I don’t want you going by yourself. Especially with Chase around; you don’t know him like I do.”

There it is, he’s been even pissier about me hanging out with Clint and Jeremy since Chase got into the group. I pull away from him because I’m pissed, “Oh? I thought I was ‘going alone’ if the gang’s there then I ain’t alone.” He rolls his eyes, “Chula.” I dodge around the hug and out the box car, “Fuck off Leo. You haven’t spoken to Chase other than the two of you being bitchy at each other since he got back.” He starts to growl, it’s my turn to roll my eyes, “Oh stuff it Leo. You know what Chase is? Literally the only person who believed me enough to try and fucking find Keith. More than my oldest friends. More than my boyfriend. My boyfriend who likes to beat on my friends, unless you thought I wouldn’t find out about why Clint was out of class, and then gets pissy with me because I don’t invite him places I go with those friends.” That’s when he growls, “Oh yeah? And any idea who might have jumped Flynn? Because I know one violently racist homophobe stupid enough to do that?!” I turn to start walking away and I know he’s giving the puppy eyes at my back, “Micha...” I pause a moment, take a deep breath, then say, “We’ll talk about this later Leo. Go be there or your friends. I need to go be there for mine.”

I can hear him cursing in his mother tongue behind me.

**

[Brian’s Trailer Micha PoV]

The trailer at the address Chase texts me is shitty and he meets me at the road leading to it warning me to keep an eye out for needles and glass. Great, despite what Flynn might like to say, we do take care of our places and it’s only the worst parts of Jasmynn Street that are like this. The places that are either abandoned or used by people who’ve given up on everything including life. Then there’s people like whoever owns this place. The people who make coming near them unpleasant. I don’t need to ask. This is Brian’s place, even if Jeremy and Clint never let me come this way.

I grab my picks, a set I’ve assembled, jury-rigged, or stolen, they do me proud despite being a motley collection. The lock clicks open easy, and I click my tongue disappointed. “Yeah no you were right. The lock on Flynn’s bike was way better than this piece of shit. Guess Brian just assumes no one would be stupid enough to break into his trailer.” Which fuck me, I am the one stupid enough to do that. Well Chase and I. The trailer smells bad. Stale sweat, beer, unwashed dishes, and other darker scents underneath it. Chase is in before me hyper focused on one thing. He grabs the hat off an end table, and he holds it out showing it to me and yeah, it’s Keith’s. My heart clenches as I reach for the hat then something thumps making both of us jump. There’s a closet we hadn’t seen, I look to Chase and he looks to me.

We both cautiously walk towards it, I grab a lamp without a bulb off the table near the television. Chase gives me an amused look which I would respond to if I wanted to alert who or whatever was in there. Or my hands weren’t full. I can get creative with hand gestures. Chase reaches towards the sliding door, slipping the fingers of his right paw into it his other grabbing a fucking switch blade out of his pocket. Well shit, Juvie’s got some tricks of his own. Now my lamp does feel stupid, the fucker.

He flings open the door and a muffled plaintive wail is the response I get. When I see who it is. “HOLY FUCK KEITH!” I’m on my hands and knees, pulling the gag out of his muzzle. He looks awful. Fur matted and crusty with blood, tears, and things I don’t want to think about. The fur on his throat is worn bare in places and the skin below it is bruised and raw. That fucker, that absolute piece of shit bear. Keith’s shackled to a pipe, almost comically, with a pair of kink play cuffs. No they look like kink play but they don’t have the quick release. Fuck Brian probably wanted to use these to trick people into bad situations. Assuming he hasn’t already this place is fucked. Once I have them off I pull Keith into a deep hug and he sobs, dry since he’s probably dehydrated, into my arms. I look over at Chase, who looks away trying to give us privacy. Fuck, Leo be damned I could kiss him for that. “We’re gonna get you out of here Keith but we gotta go now okay?” He nods and I get him out of the closet. I expect Chase to already be out the door but there he is, staring at something. There’s a strange look that washes over his face, I can see him shaking. I follow his gaze and my blood chills.

**

[Inside Brian’s Trailer, Chase PoV]

There it is. I know that table. I know those restraints. I know that mirror set into the ceiling above it. I can feel cold, slimy fingers slide down my spine, trailing putrescence. That’s what it feels like, unclean rot soaking into my fur, into my skin, into my soul. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Static fills my brain until a paw rests on my shoulder. I turn to look into the eyes of the kit fox. Micha’s looking between us baffled. Keith’s got that look, that look Heather gets. “Lets go,” his voice is a hoarse whisper but I can still hear it and so I nod and follow them.

Once we’re out and I can feel the coarse dirt road beneath my paws Micha decides to speak up. “So what now because I don’t think Leo’s gonna be okay with me taking him back to his place.” I look at him and he scowls, I don’t press. “My parents are going to be gone until about Sunday. We can go to my place.” This could bite me in the ass but all it takes is one look at Keith to know that this is what I should be doing. Against my nature but it’s the right thing to do.

**

[Hunter House Micha PoV]

Chase’s place is nice, no Hendrick’s castle but it’s one of the nicer places in Echo. Chase shows Keith to the bathroom so he can clean up and get a moment to himself. He hesitates a moment, like he doesn’t want to be alone but decides a bath is better than standing around with us. “I’ll be out here if you need anything,” he says as the door closes. Chase starts cooking something, methodically moving through steps, his voice is flat and monotone, it’s fucking creepy when he talks to me, “Hey Micha, mind running to the corner store I dunno if Keith can use our fur shampoo. It’s made with the oil of otter fur in mind.” I take a glance at the door, do I really want to leave Keith alone? No. But I know that Chase wont do anything and making sure Keith’s as comfortable as possible is what’s important.

Walking to the corner store I spend the trip thinking, giving myself until the walk back to decide if I want to call Jeremy and Clint. Because they were covering for Brian, whether or not they were afraid for me they left Keith in that place. That fucked up torture table and the state we found him in was enough to know they’re shitty people for doing that. The same sort of people who pretend Echo doesn’t exist because our poverty isn’t convenient…

Fuckit, they still need to know, especially Clint. He was the one I’m pretty sure was mostly trying to keep me safe more than cover for Brian. I text the two of them, I don’t bother telling them where we are. I need to give Keith space and I need to not be around them or Leo for a while. This whole situation is so fucked. I also text Heather but I bother to give her a little more info because she’s got enough sense to not pass on the info until tomorrow.

**

[Hunter House Chase Pov]

Cooking’s become something of a refuge, it’s meditative, requires enough brain space to need to do it right but is automatic enough to let me think. I wonder if this is what I was supposed to do, pay it forward. I remember the man who came to Dogier. I, like everyone else, hadn’t thought much of him. He was unassuming, but then he’d done little things, put himself in spaces, seen things. I remember one of the nights I snuck out to get some night air and he found me. I’d been too panicked to notice the camera at the time.

He’d also done little things, covering for kids, taking on discipline tasks and then doing the bare minimum. He’d talked to us whenever he did that. Small things, affirmations, things to keep us stable and grounded. He’d invested a lot into talking to us.

Then the expose came out. Some of us blame him for making the horrors public. I have mixed emotions. But not towards him, he saved us. Dogier doesn’t exist anymore thanks to Ben. Makes something I’d never considered before. Investigative journalism. I smile down a the food because something about that feels right.

Micha gets back and brings the shampoo over to Keith, giving me a nod as he walks past. There’s a strange gratitude to his expressions since I agreed to help him.

Like I owe it to others. Pay it forward huh?

**

[Payton General Hospital Carl PoV]

Man, I wish I was anywhere else, here in the hospital I can’t even smoke. I can’t leave though, Flynn’s in surgery. At least my parents don’t care about me spending the night here. Like that’s a point in their favor and not them forgetting I exist half the time. Ugh I need a joint, I can almost hear Flynn giving me shit for this. “Wow fatass, can’t go three hours without getting high? That’s what I need when my aunt gets here; you meeting her stoned off your ass.”

Man whatever, mobile games are almost as good a drug as weed, way worse for my wallet though. “Carl?” I look up and into the wide tired eyes of Sydney’s mom. Huh she looks like she’s been up for like two days and most of that was spent crying. “Oh hey Mrs. B. You here about Flynn?” She looks at me like I’m insane then shock. “D-did Flynn not tell you about Sydney?” I shrug, “Oh uh, no. He basically passed out when I took him in. I think he got jumped… In surgery right now.” Her expression plummets, “Surgery!?” she looks like she’s about to start crying again. Oh. Shit.

Apparently Syd’s also been in the ICU since this morning. An OD which I found out when I started getting grilled by Mrs. B. Like wow, just because I smoke weed means I must be dealing (or buying) heroin. I know she’s a boomer… And a Mormon…. Yeah no this is about what I should have expected. No bad Carl, now you’re starting to sound like dad. Still, Flynn just happens to get jumped in Tetanus Alley after Sydney ODs? Ha! I’m not Flynn but I can do basic math. Bout the only math I can do to Jeremy’s annoyance.

While I’m thinking about this my phone buzzes Leo’s name popping up on my caller ID. I answer it and wonder what Flynn would do in this situation, “Bout damn time Leo!” Okay not the best opening and if this wasn’t like the biggest emergency I wouldn’t even think of it! But it also feels kinda good to finally tell someone they’re being an ass. Take that sis! I can stick up for… Well Flynn, not myself… No homo.

I know if Sydney was in the hospital Flynn would have definitely called about that. Which means Leo was either not checking, not calling back, or had his phone off. He probably called everyone. Except Chase for obvious reasons. Or Jasmynn the two were on worse terms than usual. Or Toby, I don’t think any of us still have Toby’s number. Or… Oh, that’s all of us. He called me and like the shitty friend I am I slept through it. No focus Carl, Leo problems. You can wallow in self pity and ice cream later. And pizza. Fuck Flynn why’d you have to get jumped after the canteen closed?

Leo got tired of waiting for any follow up. “Wow what crawled up your ass?” Okay focus, find out how do we handle giving Leo bad news? Fuck you Flynn I am NOT equipped to be the responsible one! “Well fuck, sorry, I’m stressed okay! Syd and Flynn are in the fucking hospital and I really want to make a dick joke about that but it’s not nearly that hilarious.” The silence I hope is Leo processing and not Leo’s hung up. “¿Que?” Okay I have no right to criticize Leo about being thick but Come on! I need to do this twice. “Syd was brought in this morning and I think Flynn got jumped?” Leo growls into the receiver. “I’ll kill him when I find him.” Fuck Leo don’t do this machismo bullshit now please. “Just… Leo get here fast please. I’m- Fuck I’m the only one here.”

Chapter Text

[Sydney PoV, Payton General]

I wake up in the hospital, everything hurts. Like looking right into a light box after years of wearing sunglasses. There’s a nauseating clarity to everything and the first thing I do is dry heave bile into the bedpan. Fuck that’s nasty. Mom immediately comes charging in, she must have heard me. “SYDNEY! Oh my god, NURSE!” She’s shooed away by a stern looking raccoon woman who doesn’t think twice about coaxing her out of the way and checking my vitals. “You were very lucky Mr. Bronson.” I offer her a smirk that probably looks more like a muscle spasm, “Please. Mr. Bronson’s my dad, ‘m Sydney.”

She glowers, and I’m starting to guess she thinks I did get brain damage. I’m starting to wonder if I got brain damage. “Very lucky. If your friend hadn’t brought you in when he did you would have died. Very few people make it out of a heroine overdose without fast treatment.” Shit, Flynn saved my ass… Again. Mom sighs and looks so worried, which makes me feel like worse shit than waking up, “I wish he’d said something before...” She’s fretting and looking out into the hall, that sends a jolt of panic through me, “What… Where’s Flynn?” My voice sounds wrecked, she looks very nervous. The nurse sighs, “Three doors down you can see him during visiting hours after breakfast.” The thought of eating makes me wanna puke. I try to leave the bed only for her paw to shove me right back into bed. “Nope, you need a full once over, then we’ll let you see your friend, and HE is still asleep.”

She shakes her head, “I doubt he wants you undoing all our work.” She walks away mumbling something about not needing to deal with children doing grudge killings. Ice water goes through my veins shutting down the thoughts of the worst. Flynn’s safe.

**

Carl’s outside Flynn’s room when I get there, “Hey man, why’re you out here?” I can here Leo yelling at someone over the phone, “I can guess why Leo is.” Carl shrugs with a snort, “Yeah, he’s talking to Micha. Flynn’s talking to the cops.” I scoff, about to make a comment about the bat and wolf’s relationship when I hear what he said, “The fuck the cops want him for?” Carl makes a face, “You think they told us? Just told us to get the fuck out of his room and shut the door.” We can hear Flynn’s voice elevated, “I don’t know what the fuck happened? I was beaten unconscious and brought in by a friend. No thanks to you people! I was in the ICU at one in the morning. Getting treated for the concussion that psycho left me with.” Great we get to go deal with Flynn getting wound up by the cops.

I find myself smiling, if he feels well enough to yell ‘Fuck the police’ to their faces. Still, concussion and ICU are not things he wants to hear attached to Flynn. Unless he became like a surgeon or someshit. Flynn would one hundred percent be smart enough for it.

The sheriff leaves his room, “Alright Mr. Moore, tell us if you remember anything about what happened.” They side eye me as they leave, then look at Carl, “He’s all yours now.” Carl sags into his hoodie more, “Great.”

Flynn looks at us as we enter. “So they discharging you, shitbird?” I smirk, “Yeah sooner than you asshole. What the fuck did you do?” He looks to the side… “Got into it with your dealer...” Carl looks between us and I feel my heart stutter. “B-Brian?!” I choke. The memories of exactly what he’d do to me, and the things he did to make sure I knew it wasn’t an idle threat, if I ratted on him are some of the clearest parts of the last week, “The fuck Flynn!? Brian’s a fucking psychopath! Like I think has killed at least one person psycho. What possessed you to-!?” Flynn hawks a wad of venom into the trash, “YOU!” There’s tears at the corners of his visible eye “You ODed on the shit he sold you Syd. I just… I was so angry.”

I still pace, fuck fuck fuck fuck, apparently saying that out loud because both Carl and Flynn are looking at me, “Flynn he’s going to kill you. Brian’s a vindictive piece of shit!” Flynn looks embarrassed, “Well uh, you ain’t gotta worry about that.”

I stop and look at him, the connection to the cops hits me and I want to ask what he did, “Jesus buttfucking Christ on a horse dildo Syd I was in here all night! I just got the shit from the sheriff I don’t need it from you now too. He got high off his ass and I guess went night swimming or someshit. Drowned in Lake Emma last night or this morning. Fucking Karma if you ask me.” I feel myself sag with relief, but something itches at the back of my mind… Me being held underwater. I shudder, too much from that fucking opiate fueled brush with death is close to the real world for comfort.

Maybe Jasmynn’s comments about seeing a therapist aren’t something I should keep blowing off.

**

[Hunter House Chase PoV]

I wake up to the light starting to come in through my window. This late in the year the sun rises late in the day and I panic a moment. Remembering yesterday, nine in the morning is really late for me. I was too exhausted for nightmares. Sitting up I have to bite back a moan of pain. Brian definitely bruised me fighting for his life. Yesterday was real. It wasn’t a nightmare. I actually did that. I feel my throat tighten a moment, stumbling towards the bathroom when I see him. Keith’s standing by the back door just staring out into the desert.

Keith’s alive. That’s something I can take away from yesterday. Focus on that, focus on what’s in front of you. And what’s first is breakfast. Keith’s too thin, hasn’t eaten enough (anything?) since he was rescued. Get him started with something light. Make pancakes. Easy, sweet, filling, and in the right way it’ll be perfectly light. Then go out and get lunch and dinner. Or the stuff for it. Echo’s a food desert in addition to a desert desert.

Keith sees me enter the kitchen and starts a little, at first but then smiles I hold up my hand, “Hiiii~,” Why the fuck did I say hello like that? What the fuck is wrong with me? Wrong question to ask myself. “Sorry I took some of the tea in the cabinet. Chamomile, I don’t think I can stomach black right now.” I look over at him from the bowl in front of me, “You bastard. Coming into my home. Stealing my mother’s chamomile stash. However will I recover the reserves before winter?” My voice is deadpan but my mouth curls up into a smile and Keith laughs, the first time he’s sounded like the Keith I met that first time at the river.

“I think I see why you’re who Micha came to.” I’m not going to tell him I was Micha’s third choice. Or that being compared to a thief isn’t exactly flattering. Because he and Micha are close, to him it is a compliment, and I am so much worse than Micha will ever be.

“Yeah well, pancakes will be done in like twenty tops so maybe wake him up?” The bat in question yells from the hallway to my parent’s room “Too late bitch! You need to talk quieter than that. Seriously Leo snores and you two still woke me up.” I crinkle my nose not wanting to think about Leo’s sex life. Nor Micha’s as much as I’ve come to like him. “If you bring up any details about you and Leo I am banning you from my house.” I would say he has to stay at the end of the driveway but the joke sours Keith’s mood noticeably and I hate myself for the careless way I’d even implied I’d isolate him. Smooth Chase, real smooth. Micha comes to my rescue, “Bitch. You’re name ain’t on this mortgage I bet. Seriously though who’d your mom have to suck off to get this place? Especially given how she’s gotta put out for her oxy.”

I make a noise of disgust, “No pancakes for you. I don’t want to hear about Leo or any immediate blood relations.” I pour the batter into a pan where it sizzles. I don’t pour enough for Micha because I am not going back on my word. A man has to have his principles. “Oh? How about Jeremy or Clint?” Keith looks beleaguered, “Clint’s alright to look at but way too mean, Jeremy’s easy on the eyes but I don’t think I should get involved with my dealer.” That earns a chuckle from my guests, “Nah just give him your phone number.” When I plate up the pancakes Micha looks at me and then Keith, then me, “The fuck?” I raise a brow, “I said no pancakes for you.” He looks to Keith expecting back up, the kit fox looks to him, “The laws of hospitality are sacred Micha. One must be a courteous guest.” I stick a thumb towards the stove. “Mix is right there, so’s the stove. You want some? Make them yourself.”

Putting the plates in the sink I get up and grab my keys. “I’m locking the door, please don’t go out until I get back I don’t have spares to give you and this is Echo. Any requests for dinner Keith?” Micha glowers, “OI!” I roll my eyes, “You want input you come with.” The bat eyes the stove like it’ll try to burn him. But then trudges after me, grabbing a poptart out of the box. “I don’t understand how anyone can eat those without toasting or freezing them.” Micha flips me off, “Go hungry for two days and then say that.” I smirk as I lock the door, “I have.”

He gives me a weird look, “Juvie’s fucked.” I shrug, “That really a surprise?” It’s not worth correcting at this point. Micha would probably just call it juvie more if he knew it annoyed me.

The convenience store is cold and I find myself shivering. Micha calls me weak but I catch his teeth chattering from the AC too. The clerk glares at us and I go towards the oven meals. Oven pizzas, jalapeno poppers, and brownies. The unholy trinity of shitty teen food. I add a couple cans of pringles to the pile. Micha drops Otter Pops into the basket and dares me to say anything about it. I don’t say anything. Verbally. The judgmental stare I give him earns me a middle finger. I don’t stop staring until we reach the counter.

The clerk looks us over with suspicion, “What? You wanna frisk me?” Micha knows his own reputation precedes him. I snort, “Careful Micha. This is Echo. Anyone living here would probably get off on it.” Despite the look of paranoia Micha gives him the clerk doesn’t say anything other than, “Twenty eight ninety.” Doesn’t even bother with the customer service voice. We’re probably one outburst from getting banned. Though he probably doesn’t actually care if Micha even stole anything.

On the walk back towards my place the sheriff and an ambulance both go by. I feel myself tensing in a very obvious way. Micha flips them off for kicking up dust. He coughs, “Fuck I’m going to need a fucking shower. Fucking useless pigs.” I nod, but I don’t say anything, not keen on getting dust in my mouth. I probably couldn’t trust myself to respond verbally either.

Trying to focus on anything but the buzzing inside my head while Micha’s in the shower is Sisyphean. My leg keeps bouncing, I left Brian floating belly up in the lake. I’ve been back what a month? A little over? And someone drowns in Lake Emma? How obvious could I be? I should have weighted him down. Or like shot him or something. I should have done anything else. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. “Yo!” I look around glaring at Micha, “Shower’s free. You look like you just got covered in plaster.” I nod not bothering with a snappy comeback. Might as well look good for my perpwalk. Micha’s phone rings and he makes a face at it, “Leo.” He looks to the living room where Keith’s watching some nature documentary. “I’ll take it outside.” That doesn’t bode well. Whatever not my business.

Under the water makes things clearer. It always makes things clearer. Silences the racing thoughts. Soothes the bruises and slight swelling under my fur where Brian beat at me. I exhale a bit letting the bubbles drift upwards. There’s whispering around me. It’s hard for me to differentiate between intrusive thoughts. It’s not the worst thing in the world. Just an unpleasant unfocused haze. My conscious thoughts are more distinct. Less scathing and self-loathing than the rest. I roll over and sink further until I’m hovering just above the porcelain bottom of the tub. My tail dragging lazily on the bottom.

Getting out of the bath I’m greeted with someone banging on the door, not ringing the doorbell like a normal person. Banging, like a sociopath, or a cop… Eh same difference. Ketih’s made himself scarce as has Micha. I prepare myself for the sheriff and wonder if I need to figure out how to phone the family attorney. Instead I see Jeremy, Clint, and Heather. Jeremy’s paw is raised to pound again. The fucking bastard. Behind them I see… Jasmynn and TJ? That’s got me on high alert again. Which suppressed the good idea part of my brain because I yell into the house “Micha get the gun my dealer’s stalking me!” Because apparently being a suicidal smartass is instinctive. Jeremy flips me off and punches my shoulder as he pushes past me, “Dick.” The rest pile in after him.

I look to Jasmynn and TJ and gesture between them and the Tetanus Alley crew. “How’d this happen?” Because I could see TJ and Heather getting along but that’s where the line ends. Jas sighs, “I just wanted to get out of the house. I was meeting TJ and Mrs. Hess when Jeremy,” she glares at her brother, “Mentioned that you were having a get together. Mrs. Hess heard party and well. Here we are.” Makes sense, and the way TJ’s blushing and looking shy, “She just doesn’t want me to be a sheltered and isolated homeschool kid.” However there’s something about Jasmynn’s answer. Namely the shared gleam in her and Jeremy’s eyes and the look they exchanged that reminds me these two are both siblings in the most insufferable way.

Keith shuffles out looking much better. More alert and like he wants to be here with the insane asylum that just piled into my house. Though, having the here gives me an idea. “Hey Keith?” His ear turns towards me and he rolls his head slightly in my direction, showing me he’s listening while also paying attention to his other friends talking to him. “Does a kiln work for an Ahoa?” It’s not a bonfire but I know that dad adopted it as a fire pit once mom decided that the home pottery business wasn’t actually for her. Looks like I had the right idea because Keith gives me the brightest warmest smile I’d ever gotten from him, “I don’t see why it wouldn’t.”

Clint and Jeremy immediately head out towards the back and start gathering wood and getting things set up. I blink watching them go with a measure of shock. I’ve never seen either of them act with this almost military level of precision for anything. But that just means I should get the food in the oven. I get some salsa and shredded cheese. We got the half finished bag of corn chips that just manifests in all Deseret households. So basic bitch nachos aren’t hard to do. Turns out dad’s got a jar of jalapeno slices in the fridge too. Nice.

“Hey Micha! I ain’t got anything new but there should be a GameCube in the den and a few games I ‘borrowed’ from Carl.” TJ looks disapproving his ears flat and his expression chastising. “Chase. You should return those.” I shrug and give him a shitty smirk, “Yeah probably. But he’ll need to stop running the other direction every time he sees me coming for that to happen.” TJ pouts and it’s kinda cute, which draws me up short.

Within the hour I’ve got a decent spread and some fries we had from ‘corndog night’ in the oven when the doorbell rings. “Hey Jeremy, see that? That’s how you let people know you’re here and not a fucking narc.” The kit fox throws an empty water-bottle at my head as I hop the back of one of the lawn chairs and head for the door. Keith’s decided to help stoke the fire and the door opens to reveal Darick which makes my eyebrows climb. “Yo Chase! My Nan decided to make extra tamales for her potluck and sent me home with a bunch. Wanted to know if you wanted some?”

He looks around and furrows his brow a second when he sees everyone. “Huh. Guess you got food.” I take the plate from him and invite him in. “Yeah and Micha and Jeremy are bottomless pits that demand constant sacrifice so I won’t say no.” I take one though because they will disappear the minute I put them down and I am not passing up grandma made food. I leave the door open so Darick can come in if he’d like.

“Yo shit! I don’t get these unless Leo’s Abuela’s visiting!” Micha launches himself at the plate like a him out of hell. I have to dodge out of the way. “Wash your hands first bitch. I saw you hauling wood out there too!” TJ is luckily in the living room helping Jasmynn setting up the GameCube so I can be more liberal with my language. Micha smirks, “Yeah. Bet you like to see me hauling wood.” He accompanies this with an obscene gesture. “Nah, put some meat on your bones like Jer and maybe you’d be my type.” He slings an arm over my shoulder, takes an obnoxiously large bite out of his tamale and gestures towards the living room. “Yeah? You sure? Because the way you look at him makes me think you’re into twinks.”

I shake him off with a scowl, “Micha don’t be fucking gross.” There must have been a lull in his and Jas’ conversation because TJ shouts “CHASE!” In an absolutely scandalized tone of voice. “Sorry Teej.” I yell back and glare at Micha, “I’m giving the rest of those to Jeremy and Clint.” He grabs another one as I try to duck away from him, “You’re the one thirsting over your dealer. Like this is the second time you’ve mentioned his body.” They’re all a bad influence, I need to keep TJ out of the backyard.

Still I go to visit them, Micha, Heather and Keith. Clint’s in the kitchen, probably raiding dad’s stash if the glass bottle in his paw is any indication. Jeremy’s talking with Darick about basketball, I occasionally hear TJ chime in with something unknowable to me. Sports, even my own, to a certain extent are basically Greek most of the time. I bring another tamale out to the patio and drop it on Heather’s plate. “I’ve hidden one in the fridge if you’re feeling up to it later you can have it tomorrow. Alright?” I ask Keith. Last thing I need is for him to crash via refeeding, I dunno how long it takes for that to be a risk.

Better safe than sorry, and if the retching I’d heard last night is anything to go by Keith’s probably not up for anything too heavy. He nods looking wane, then shudders, I toss him a blanket then sit with him. The man’s shivering under his wool blanket, the fur on his neck is partially worn away and he’s got that look, the same look I saw in every other boy had leaving ‘attitude realignment,’ the same look I had after leaving it. There’s an unspoken bond, a truth shared between Keith, Heather, and myself. I look to the girl in question, “I’m gonna go get some cocoa, you want some too?” She smiles in that only half there way of hers and nods, “Yeah, Micha and I’ll keep Keith company,” she loops an arm around Micha who makes a sour face but says nothing Keith offers a tiny but real smile.

Entering I see Clint staring out the window at the group, Darick’s moved on to playing something with Jeremy in the other room, Jasmynn and TJ are just watching them. For now, Jas has that gleam in her eye that tells she called winner. It’s a bizarre sight to anyone who knows the group’s history. I start the water boiling in the parent’s tea kettle. Clint’s looking out into the backyard watching the Ahoa fire burn, “You and Micha found him in Brian’s trailer.” It’s not a question and I stiffen, “You know they found him, Brian, in the lake this afternoon. Belly up like a dead fish, everyone thinks he was high and fell in the lake. Drowned. Seems weird for someone who knew his shit like Brian did.” The first real conversation I had with Clint flashes through my mind. “Wanna know what I learned from the staff at reform school? I learned how to make it look like an accident.”

“Yeah, I hear that’s what gets ya, people who get too sure they can handle it and go out alone like that. Then, just a bit of bad luck.”

Clint nods and shoots me a look of gratitude, it’s not something I thought I’d see from him, “Makes sense.”

I look out the window, my face transparent and off reflected back. Something unnatural in my reflection whispers ‘𝕋ℍ𝕀𝕊 𝕋𝕆𝕎ℕ ℕ𝔼𝔼𝔻𝕊 𝕊𝔼ℂℝ𝔼𝕋𝕊.’

I excuse myself, Clint eyeing me, “Cocoa for Keith, mind taking it out to him? I need to use the bathroom.” I don’t wait for an answer before going to the bathroom and puking my tamale out. I don’t know if I can keep this up. Clint knows, ℍ𝔼 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℕ𝔼𝔼𝔻 𝕋𝕆, my reflection gleefully whispers. ℍ𝔼 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℕ𝔼𝔼𝔻 𝕋𝕆 𝕂ℕ𝕆𝕎 𝔸ℕ𝕐𝕋ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ 𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ. Shut up! I think at it. It’s NOT me and it doesn’t get a say. This. No my choice wasn’t a mistake but I’m not like that. I didn’t have a choice. 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔻𝕀𝔻. It was self defense. WAS IT? DID 𝕐𝕆𝕌 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕀ℕ𝕍𝕀𝕋𝔼 ℍ𝕀𝕄? 𝕊𝔼𝕋 𝕀𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕃 𝕌ℙ. ℙℝ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝔻𝕀𝕋𝔸𝕋𝔼𝔻. Cold filthy lake water soaking into my fur no matter how waterproof it is. Soaking to the bone. Soaking to the soul. The stain of sin.

I grip the sink and try to get my pulse to even out, I’ve almost managed when something grips me from behind. Strong arms around my waist, I can almost feel the bear’s vile breath in my ear on the back of my neck. The cops ripping my arms behind my back to cuff me, “GET OFF!” I twist and throw off the grip turning around ready to defend myself from. TJ’s wide, hurt, and shocked eyes. I hurt him. He loves hugs, it’s his main way of showing affection. I’m already on the ground. “Oh my god TJ! A-are you okay? I’m so sorry I didn’t mean, I got scared I didn’t know-” I can see tears pricking at his eyes as he rubs the back of his head with a soft “ow.” No, this is wrong, I can’t hurt TJ I’m better than that I’m not Syd- Something cuts off the panicked thoughts.

𝕆ℍ ℕ𝕆, ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕃𝕀𝕂𝔼 𝕊𝕐𝔻ℕ𝔼𝕐 𝔸𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕃. 𝕊𝕐𝔻ℕ𝔼𝕐 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼 𝔹𝕃𝕆𝕆𝔻 𝕆ℕ ℍ𝕀𝕊 ℍ𝔸ℕ𝔻𝕊. 𝕊𝕐𝔻ℕ𝔼𝕐’𝕊 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔸 𝕄𝕌ℝ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝔼ℝ. My reflection leers down at me, I can feel it’s eyes borrowing into me despite my back being turned to it. I find myself shaking, for the first time I think I can feel the weight of what I’ve done settle over me. The spiral’s derailed when TJ pats my hand, “Sorry I scared you.” I grab his hand and he looks startled but he doesn’t pull away. “No! TJ that’s not okay. It’s never okay for someone to hurt you! I’m the one who’s sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”

He seems to blush under his fur then smiles, “Well… Okay but then it’s not okay for me to touch you without you knowing okay?” Why? Why is he comforting me I hurt him I’m… No. “I forgive you, it was an accident right? You didn’t mean to hurt me right?” I shake my head furiously. “Then you forgive me for scaring you?” I’m not the one who should give forgiveness. I should be begging for it. But I just nod and he smiles. “Great! Then everything is fine.”

Everything fine. Nothing is fine. But… Maybe I can lie until it is. Pretend nothing’s broken, as long as it needs to before it becomes real.

**

[Payton General Flynn PoV]

The overlook garden at Payton General is really nice. Sweet selling air perfumed with flowering cacti, succulents, and a few less hardy plants protected by an awning and well-watered and kept. Two giant terracotta pots of agave flank the big double doors leading into the lobby. The wooden deck looking out over a drop into the sagebrush. Looking out over the rustic ass end of the desert with a few spotty suburban bungalows dotting the edge of Payton proper is nice and contemplative. I wish I was fishing personally but without Leo, Carl, and Syd around I can hear myself think. I know my aunt will be here to pick me up soon. I’m being discharged, half my face is still swollen and bandaged. The bandages covering my eye make my scales itch but it’s better than the socket collapsing.

For all the brave face I put up the Sheriff’s questioning has me on edge. Not for the reason anyone normal would be on edge. Nah, I’m from Echo nothing normal about anything. I’m left wondering why I didn’t say anything. Why am I covering for Chase? I don’t like him. Barely tolerated him when we were all friends. He was as much of a bully as Syd but he deflected. Pointing to Syd’s behavior so Jasmynn would get mad at someone else for tormenting her precious little friend like TJ’s too much of a child to take care of or stand up for himself. Also he’s done time, functionally, private school’s diet juvie or juvie the results are the same. Nonviolent offenders tend to become violent after incarceration. And violent offenders learn not to leave witnesses.

So why am I doing this? Twisting myself in knots to protect someone I don’t even give a shit about. Hell not like Chase knew about Syd or I when he did what he did. I mean, if he did. It’s all pretty circumstantial but, given his history, he’d be convicted in a heartbeat. The smart thing would be to tell the sheriff. Take out all violent people in the equation, no Brian, no Chase, no risk. Too bad I ain’t a fucking monster. And I am certain it was self-defense. There’s no world I see that situation happening and Brian wasn’t the aggressor. But what happens if he gets triggered again? What if Sydney’s the next one to do it?

Turning back into the lobby I sigh a scratch below my bandages, just trying to not bother the wound but also get some relief. That’s when I see the television in the lobby, and a disturbingly familiar trailer. With an even more disturbing chyron scrolling below the news feed. “Hey,” I ask the nurse on duty, “Can you turn that up?” The reporter is a roadrunner in a prim suite, the channel’s a dinky local station but it’s one of the state-wide ones. She’s standing at the end of the isolated road I got my shit kicked in on.

“-tanding in Echo outside the home of a local man discovered having drowned in what’s been ruled an accident or misadventure. The apparent tragedy has led to a grisly discovery. In the home of the former resident, one Brian Dubois,” a mug shot of the bear looking less awful than he did when I saw him. Probably younger but who knows? Meth does freaky shit. “Inside his home is what the police are describing as a dungeon. Implements of torture and restraint were found inside along with evidence of victims. Additionally an appearent list of instructions leading into Danicka Mine was also discovered among the Echoite’s effects. A planned investigation and possible excavation is underway. Brian was originally a local of Payton before moving to Echo fleeing an outstanding warrant. We plan on covering all the details of the case as they come in this is…”

The nurse turns away shaking their head, “Bad business that. Real bad business.” I nod nothing good comes from those kinds of discoveries, I can already see families packing up and leaving Echo because of it. “Christ, that’s just what we need to be known for.” Walking over to a chair that faces the parking lot to watch the sun finish it’s decent below the horizon I can’t help but sigh because as much of a pain in the ass as it is I know what I’m going to do. Absolutely fucking nothing. Not the first time I’ve covered for a muskshit in a real bad place. Better fucking be the last time though. Fuck this is why people drink.

Chapter Text

[Keith PoV]

Staying in the Hunter house is strangely peaceful. But it’s not a pleasant sort of peace, it’s peaceful like a morgue. The house is cold and sterile. Much of Chase’s room is even filled with boxes. Like even after he came home he was still just something extraneous to stow away until something can be done about him.

It’s quiet but stark. The family pictures look very stock and generic, and they stop after Chase turned ten. Jeremy told me about this. Rumors of Chase trying to kill Sydney at Lake Emma but there only being one story that’s been accepted. That story being Sydney’s, and then the only other people who could contradict it being home schooled with no one save Jasmynn staying in contact with him, of the other…

I see too much of Heather in Chase, not in personality but pain. Pain I know now. Leaning on a door frame I’m looking into the living room. “One clean, immaculate place no one lives in with three bedrooms at the edge of it.” Really only two bedrooms.

This is a house where love fled long ago. Even my own relationship with mom, no matter how fraught, had love. Until of course she found out I was gay. Still sent her a text to tell her I’m alive.

There’s the doorbell. Chase is out for the day, he and Micha were pawing through something in the offices but as soon as they had what they wanted they ran out the door. Making copies or scans or something or other.

When I open the door I wish I hadn’t. “Keith Tsosie?” The Sheriff asks, though I know her and she knows me. “Hello Sheriff Maulco, I’m afraid that none of the Hunters are in right now.” She nods, “I know, interesting that you’re here when they aren’t.” I shrug, “Fairly dull to me.” She tries to look around me, there’s nothing in there worth seeing so I don’t block her. “Some of your prints and fur that looks a lot like yours was found in the trailer of one Brian Dubois, you know him?”

She knows I do, she also knows I used to date him and was in business with him. The only time he was involved in a legal business. Even if I care more about morality and ethics than legality. I arch a brow. “Am I under arrest?” She crosses her arms, “I’d rather not but if you were involved with him.”

I shift to try and cover the bare patches around my throat, “No.”

“That an answer?”

“That’s all you’ll get without an attorney present.”

Maulco’s inoffensive, but ultimately useless. She doesn’t abuse her position beyond being lazy. That said I’m still a gay native man. She wants me to cooperate? She’ll need a warrant and I’ll get an attorney. She frowns because she knows this, probably just wants the Brian case to go away. It won’t. I wasn’t the first person in that dungeon. The pure naked horror I felt when I saw the claw marks on the wall where he kept me…

She does look me over, “Your mom’s the one who talked to us by the way. She had more to say than you. Sure you don’t have anything you want to say?” Of course she did. God dammit Karen, did she even think that I was in trouble or does she just assume I’m the same kind of person as him, “I said what I will without an attorney.” She looks sour a minute but I do catch her looking at the scars on my neck, “Alright then, but if you think of anything you want to tell me you have my number.” With that she leaves and I sag against the door once it’s closed.

**

“THAT CUNT!” Micha screams when I tell him what happened. “That heinous bitch.” He’s pacing with naked fury. His own problems with his parents makes him especially sensitive to this kind of betrayal. Chase is quiet while Micha rants, but I can see a line of tension and fury in his body that I don’t think I’d ever seen in him before. There’s a cold utter fury to him that kinda scares me.

I put a paw on his shoulder and he jumps a bit and my other paw taps Micha’s arm. “Maulco’s just trying to find an easy out for the whole thing. I’m okay, if she had anything real she’d have taken me in.” Chase thinks a moment then he stands, “Can you be a bit scarce tomorrow Keith? I need to speak with my parents tomorrow. I should be able to get a place in Payton for you to crash, maybe find somewhere nearish to Payton High?”

Micha looks at him there’s that glint in his eye, the same one he gets when he lifts a cash stuffed wallet from a bougie asshole. They’re planning something and this is the nice way of saying ‘you don’t want to be involved in any fallout.’

**

[Chase PoV]

I’m in my childhood bedroom, looking out my bedroom window. Dad’s at the kiln, tossing papers into it. Thick flaky ash like dark moths floating up on the heat breeze. I look up following them my gaze lost for a moment when I look back I’m standing in the backyard.

Echo’s gone, save a few ruins jutting from the otherwise almost totally flat landscape. Like bones littering a battlefield. The crimson sky baking the landscape, despite red being a warm color the whole landscape feels cold. A more than physical cold. Only the kiln’s yellow-orange glow provides any warmth. Burning documents still rising into the sky.

Now the Tetanus Alley crew is hunched in front of it warming themselves. It looks like the fallout of an apocalypse. Even more than Echo usually does. Heather’s next to me, it’s when I realize I’m among them, “It’s all going to be gone soon. What are we supposed to do next?”

What do we do next. Something I never asked. What next? What happens when Brian gets investigated? What happens when my parents come home? What happens when I graduate? I’ve spent so long trying to survive one day I’ve never thought ‘how do I survive ten years?’

….The Hum, the first time I’ve really heard it. Noticed it. The vibration, like an orchestra tuning their instruments. The illusion of it rising steadily but it never does. The pitch only seems to change. Echo is not a place that changes. Echo is only a place that rots in slightly unique ways. The Hum seems to rise until the jarring pitch change of my phone ringing yanks me from sleep. A cosmic shepherd’s tone.

**

[Chase PoV Hunter Household Earlier That Morning]

I climb out of bed and find myself stumbling to the bathroom as I answer my phone. It’s the chromosome donors, who I am not awake enough to deal with. But alas I must do this to make my escape plans viable. Especially now that I have to step up the timetable. “Hello?”

Mom’s voice has this edge, “Chase honey we’re coming home early.” I blink, I don’t like that, I don’t like that at all. “Why?”

“Have you not seen the police? Or the news?” She sounds incredulous.

“I don’t have friends to go out and see in town and I don’t watch the news,” I deadpan. She sighs, “Chase this is serious… There might have been a serial killer in Echo.”

Oh good. We made the news.

**

[Chase PoV Six Months Ago]

We’re in the courthouse’s witness room. It is dead silent for a minute. The lawyer representing us, us being the class action plaintiffs. Me and the other boys that Dogeir chewed up and spit out. Both young and old ‘graduates.’ My dad was very pissed about being dismissed. Luckily client attorney privilege means he can’t really say jack nor shit about this.

“So. This how you want it?” The attorney a kindly looking pine marten who agreed to represent us pro-bono. Apparently both People for Children, and the Movement for Indigenous Rights are invested in the case. We learned in the trial that Dogeir started life as a boarding school. Functioned as a de_facto boarding school even to my own tenure there. A place to dump Meseta and other tribes when they're inconvenient. I scan the documents, the attorney said they’re pretty standard and I’m not even the only boy doing this. The portion of the payout from the liquidating of all Dogeir’s assets and contracts along with a twenty six million dollar settlement from the state. I want it put into a blind trust accessible only by me.

I frown at the paperwork a minute, “I want one thing changed.” The marten looks at me. “This is all very standard.” I nod, “Yeah but I don’t want to wait until eighteen. I want it to say when I am my own legal guardian.” This makes her frown, “Getting emancipated at your age won’t be easy. Your parents don’t seem the type to let go easily.” I shake my head, “No, but I’ll figure it out. I’m from Echo and I can’t live there for years. Dogeir was enough.” The lawyer sighs and shakes her head but says she’ll have the updated forms ready by tomorrow.

**

[Chase PoV Hunter Household]

The door opens with a burst, my parents storming in with a frenzy of activity that abruptly halts when they see Micha. Keith took the out we gave him. He doesn’t need to be here for this, he’s been through enough and he’s honestly way too nice for it. I get ready for damage control and my little coup. I know that unless we all want to spend a stint homeless then we’re going to have to move fast and with care.

The folder in front of us has the photocopies we made of his paperwork, and the emancipation forms. I might have just sunk my parents marriage unless they can bond over hating me. I don’t care. This is a long time coming. They come into the living room dad bellowing “CHASE!” At the top of his lungs. “Yeah? I’m right here so use your indoor voice.” I let him know with my tone I’m annoyed. That needles him in the way I want, he’s stupid when he’s mad. Tries to force his way out of problems.

“Don’t you take that tone with me Chase Cooper Hunter.” I roll my eyes, how scary the middle name, that reaction is not what he wanted. As much as I want this type of outburst it’s obnoxious. He thinks he’s got all the power here the dumbass. “Take your own advice, and have a seat, because we need to talk.” I use the most obnoxiously parental voice I can muster. Dad storms over and despite everything his temper does still frighten me a little bit. But I’ve gotten good at hiding weakness. “No. You need to listen you little brat. God, I can’t believe I actually thought you learned responsibility. That school was such a waste of mon-”

“Unless you want the cops to get the papers locked in your top file cabinet you should not finish that sentence.” Because if he’s in prison I won’t need much more than to needle mom into signing the papers. But I don’t want a lengthy court case. “I don-don’t know what you’re…” He does, he’s gone ashen beneath his fur. “Did you know the IRS has a tip line? You can just send in financial crimes. Whistleblower laws protect the person doing so too.” Micha snorts next to me reminding me he’s here. “The folder is just copies, the scans are with someone else so no dad you won’t be burning this problem away.” Mom looks between us, her voice has gone icy and it’s not aimed at me for once, “What is he talking about Richard?”

He knows that nothing he says will get him out of this. “That’s how you’re playing this?” I shrug, “I needed to step up my timeline for getting out of this shithole. I was planning on going to Pueblo and just changing my number.” Mom looks at me, “Just leave? Like that?” I look at her and I didn’t mean for my voice to get as venomous as it does. I have better control then this dammit, “You two didn’t really seem to mind sending me to Dogeir.”

Dad rolls his eyes, “That’s what this was about? You needed the discipline Chase.” Mom’s looking a little chastised at least, “After what you did to little Sydney we didn’t know what to do…”

I can feel my muzzle curl into a sneer, “Neither of you bothered to try and find out what happened. You just didn’t want a problem child and decided to take the easy way out.” I look at the sperm donor half of this pair, “What is it you’re fond of saying? You want to be treated like an adult you can deal with adult consequences?”

Mom falls onto the couch, “That’s not fair Chase we didn’t know.” She’s about to cry and everything I was drilled with in Dogeir and what little filial piety I have wants to comfort her. But then I remember that neither of them bothered to stay for the court date, neither wanted to actually confront the evidence presented at trial. “Life’s not fair. Sign the paperwork, as soon as it clears don’t contact me.”

Micha watches the whole thing with a smug expression, “Damn. You sure you don’t want to embrace the ‘Killer’ nickname because I just witnessed a straight up murder.”

Dad rounds on him, “I should have guessed Chase’d slum it with thieves and delinquents. I might be legally required to keep him clothed and fed,” he points a finger trembling with rage in my direction, “But you are not so lucky.”

“Careful,” he says waving his phone because Micha’s very good at getting under people’s skin, “I’m one of the people holding onto the backup copies, and no they ain’t on my phone. Honestly, given how long you’ve gotten away with this you should be proud. Chase was smart and careful. You raised him up right.”

I roll my eyes again, “Don’t give him the credit.” Getting up I drag Micha towards the door because Mr. Hunter might actually punch him, consequences be damned. As I close the door I can hear my mom finally lose composure and start sobbing.

Micha and I walk in silence for a while, “So, not gonna lie that was pretty great but what’re you going to do now? Or me for that matter. I don’t really wanna go back to Leo’s place right now.” I hum, “Well if you’re fine roughing it for a while I was thinking Parson’s. We got six weeks at the most to deal with this. But he’ll probably just want me out of his house so he’ll go to the County Office as soon as he can and then I can call the bank on Monday.”

He looks me over, “You got money?” I offer him a sly smile, “I’ve got some settlement money, now that I’m my own guardian it’s mine. Full access to the trust.” He hums, “What kind of settlement?”

“About one point two million is in my trust.” He stops a second his face making odd movements, then he laughs, “If I didn’t think Leo’d maul you I’d ask you to be my sugar daddy…”

We walk for a ways, again in silence, “Hey Chase?” I look over at him, “Yeah?” He doesn’t look at me, “Thanks. I mean it. Keith’s been through a lot and like. You’re offering a lot.” I feel uncomfortable with this level of sincerity from the bat, “Yeah well, he’s over eighteen so a realtor won’t look too much at him and I meant what I said back there. I’ll need a place to stay until the end of the year or so.”

Then because Micha can’t let me be the moment ruining asshole, he shoots me a sidelong grin, “Yeah? Well then I guess I don’t need to steal ya anything too nice now huh?”

**

[Chase PoV First Day Back]

Karen was looking somewhat surlier than usual. Her fur is disheveled and she looks like she lost sleep over break. Good I can’t help but think. Keith was only in the position he was because of her. Her, Micha’s parents, mine, Sydney’s dad, Jasmynn’s, Clints…. Heather’s, this town creates poisoned seeds. Rotten generations creating hurt and broken people to carry that forward after them. I don’t even bother sneering. Taking a seat next to Jeremy, Clint and Micha sitting in a sullen silence. We’re all stressed trying to make sure Keith’s okay getting his new place in Payton. Jeremy’s halfway asleep against the window when I shake him awake.

“I got an energy drink if you want it?” He nods and takes it gratefully, “Thought you didn’t have access to your accounts yet?” I shrug, “I fudged my expenses from what they left me. I had to have learned something from the male gene donor.” Jeremy offers me a tired fist bump, “Damn, no wonder you and Micha get along.” The ride is quiet for a while, me and Jas are reviewing homework, Carl on his handheld system, I’d heard from Micha that Flynn was in the hospital for much of the weekend which must be why he’s so burnt out. It continues like that until we hit the pothole pulling into the school lot. “FUCK!” I hear Jeremy yell as he’s splashed with the toxic green drink he’d been nursing. Karen turns on him, “Not the day you lil shit. You cuss again and you’re walking home tonight. Honestly I swear if it weren’t for your sister I’d swear your parents didn’t spend a damn day raising their kids worth a damn.”

I feel Jeremy go rigid beside me, he stays that way until the bus stops. “C’mon Jer, let’s just go.” As we get off the bus Jeremy stops and I lose my grip. I stop and turn around, Jeremy’s looking Karen dead in the eye. “Maybe, just a thought Karen,” she looks at him blinking like she forgot we existed. “You should think about how you abandoned your son in a serial rapist’s torture trailer before you say anything about someone’s parenting.” I put a hand on his shoulder, he’s shaking he’s so angry. “At least he’s got a few teens doing more for him than his mom ever did,” I add, backing my friend up. Getting off the bus I think we probably shouldn’t have done that, fuck none of our parents deserve that kind of defense but I just hate how up her own ass she was getting about it.

Math is a surprisingly light affair, Jasmynn actually encourages me to sit next to her, which I’m suspicious of to start. Her and Leo’s tricks could go from inventive to downright cruel. But I don’t think she’d jeopardize anything just to spite me. When I sit down she pulls out her work and begins writing, she doesn’t make small talk but she does occasionally ask to review my notes to compare to her own. When the bell rings and I move to get up she stops me, “I want to talk about you leaving Echo. Meet me at lunch.”

Chemistry is a little quiet, Julian is looking at me funny, “What? Do I have something on my face?” He shakes his head, “Nah, just didn’t know you and TJ were such good friends.” I look askance at him and he makes a waving gesture, “We have youth group together remember? But he doesn’t talk much about the Echo group he used to hang out with. I just know there was a falling out. But now he’s reconnecting with you and he’s been happier.” I roll my eyes, “He’s had Jas.” Julian snorts like he knows something I’m not seeing but drops it.

“Alright class listen up! We’re going to be starting our Swimming segment from now through winter break. Something some of you don’t have an excuse not to try at.” I flip him off from behind Clint’s shoulder causing the polecat to snort and a few other giggles including Carl. The Gym teacher looks over us but doesn’t notice my little insubordination. “Shut up! Sooner we get done with announcements the sooner you can grab a locker in the pool locker room.” With that we get ready to go. Clint, Micha, Jeremy, and I hang back while the rest of the class goes ahead. “Any idea what Jasmynn wants to talk to me about? She was being cagey in math and not gonna lie I was getting Dogeir flashbacks being all clandestine and shit.” Jeremy shrugs, “I ain’t her keeper. Jas does what she wants. Always has.” I sigh because yeah, that’s pretty much what I expected. “Well alright, I’m gonna quick catch up with Darick I gotta check if we got practice tonight.” Clint waves me off, “Waterclown.” I flip him off with both barrels, “Only an otter gets to say that ringtail.”

Outside the Gym teacher’s getting bitchy with another student, “I don’t care who your parents paid off to sign this ‘fur care’ is not a valid doctor’s excuse. If you don’t get in there I’ll flunk your ass.” The other person is shockingly unswayed despite the malamute towering over them. “Fine. I’ll take it in summer school. Listening to you scream drills at us isn’t worth growing mold in my fur and getting pneumonia.” They spin on their heel and start walking towards us. It’s then I realize what I thought might have been a squirrel is a chinchilla and the exemption note makes more sense. Gym teacher pinches the bridge of his muzzle, “Prissy squirrels.” I cough, “Chinchilla sir. And uh, yeah they can’t get wet, like, take dust baths to clean.” He gives me a look like he doesn’t believe that’s a thing but Darick comes to my rescue, “’S true boss. And you better hope she doesn’t tell the principle or you’re in for ‘sensitivity training.’” The shit eating grin he shoots our teacher earns us both a scowl but the muffled fuck makes it clear he won’t be following through on that threat to flunk her.

“Ass.”

**

On my way to find Jasmynn I get the last thing I want to, an angry red wolf slamming me into a locker “FUCK.” He’s growling in my face, “You just can’t leave well enough alone can you otter?” He spits, “Clint wasn’t enough now you gotta try and sink you hooks into Micha. He doesn’t need people like you and Clint.” He punctuates these sentences with blows to my body. He tosses me to the side and starts kneeling down over me. “Nothing to say for yourself,” the pain isn’t great but not the worst thing I’ve dealt with. I start laughing, I used to think Leo was terrifying and to a certain extent he still is but I’ve seen real evil. Not a slightly unhinged red wolf.

“What’s so funny!?” He squeezes my throat cutting off the laughter, then after a moment he lets up, I guess he actually wants an answer. “Because Leo. You’re just a petty bully. I’ve seen what people like you turn into. Those people scare me. You? Not so much.” That makes him snarl and he pulls back his fist. I wince bracing myself to needing muzzle reconstructive surgery… or a closed casket funeral. “LEO!” Someone barks. It’s Jasmynn… With Micha and Jeremy? “What the everloving fuck Leo?!” Micha stalks up to the red wolf in a way that’s ballsier than anyone I think I’ve ever seen and Leo almost literally shrinks before him. “What the fuck? No HOW the fuck? When I said I need a break, when I told you that I needed space to decide my priorities. You took this to mean ‘go beat up one of my friends?’”

I feel a bit affronted, “He didn’t-” Micha turns his glare on me and now I know why Leo shrank from it, there’s a force to it. “Chase. Shut up.” I do just that. I shut up. He turns back to Leo, “Well?” He looks chastised, “C’mon Micha you don’t know these people like I do. Chase is a liar. He tried to kill Sydney and lied about it when he got caught. Jasmynn’s always stirring shit up because she can and Jeremy likes to pick on anyone weaker than him. That’s who they are Micha! I’m trying to protect you.”

He inhales, “Fuck that. Leo. We’re done.”

Leo looks like Micha just slapped him, “Chula! C’mon you know I’m.” He ignores Leo hooking an arm under one of my arms, Jer’s on the other side. “Thanks.” I whisper Micha nods, Jeremy shoots a scared look over his shoulder but Leo just calls behind us, “Chula! Micha! Please…”

I can walk on my own once I’m up but I don’t sag until we’re in the safety of the courtyard. “Fuck, that smarts.” Micha makes an annoyed sound, “Sorry for my part in that. I told Leo I needed a break because I wanted to sort some shit out and he obviously didn’t take it well.” Then he shoots me a crooked grin that’s more a grimace, I suspect he’s not crying right now because you don’t show that kind of weakness on Jasmynn street, “Ain’t apologizing on his behalf though. Ain’t my problem anymore.”

I can tell he doesn’t want to talk anymore about this so I turn to Jasmynn, “What did you want to talk about?” She shoots Jeremy and Micha a look, she wants this conversation to be private. They aren’t moving, “Sorry sis but you’re Honors Society and we ain’t leaving one of our own with any of yours after that.” That’s… Kinda sweet in a fucked up sort of way.

She sighs, “You can’t tell anyone, and Micha leaves.” Jeremy rolls his eyes, “If it’s about your weird foreign mags-” She hisses in his face, “I mean it Jeremy. They took off my door because you ran your mouth so you breathe a word of this and I will fucking end you.” Jeremy’s hands go up, “God fine! Sheesh. And I told you that was an accident. I didn’t think dad would flip his shit like that.” She sighs, “Yeah well it’s related to that.” She looks me in the eye. “I hear your getting out of Echo. I want in.”

That’s something that renders all of us speechless for a moment. “WHAT? WHY?” Jeremy asks in tandem with Micha’s “What you offering?” And my more subdued “Okay.” That has all three of them looking at me. “Chase you can’t be serious! Jas, c’mon I know things aren’t great home but…”

“Jeremy, I can’t stay there. I have my own life and goals and they won’t let me leave, you know that.” She crosses her arms glaring down at him… Despite him being taller. He sighs furiously scratching at his own fur. Micha however is looking at me, “C’mon Chase you can’t just give out passes on the Echo Underground for free.” I look between them. Jeremy finally stills a moment, “Fine but I have two caveats Jas.” She narrows her eyes, I look at him because dude, I’m the one dropping money on this shit. “First, you’re taking Heather with you. Alright?” She scowls but nods, “Second,” he takes her shoulders and looks her directly in the eyes, “You stay in contact okay? You make sure I know you’re safe.”

Something in Jasmynn’s face softens with that and she nods, “Yeah Jer, I will. I’ll make sure to.” He pulls her into a hug. Both Micha and I are left feeling somewhat awkward witnessing this very private moment between two very private people.

**

[Jasmynn PoV Echo One Week Later]

We’re waiting for Mrs. Hess to pick us up from school, Chase’s leg is bouncing with nervous energy and he taps his claws on it in a staccato rhythm. I don’t know why he’s so nervous but then I guess I don’t really know him. I never would have imagined he could do what Sydney says he tried to do. Though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sorely tempted to finish the job, I know he’s the reason TJ spent fourth grade with his arm in a cast. I don’t know why TJ never said anything. Still Chase’d never been aggressive or especially invested in TJ, then suddenly he tries to drown Sydney for no reason other than he wrecked TJ’s sandcastle? Then he effectively disappeared for a while. Not like he had a choice but it still means I don’t know him.

“Chase,” my tone is sharper than I meant it to be. So I start again softer, “It’s TJ, he’ll be a little sad but supportive you know?” Chase sighs, “I just don’t want to hurt him. Or abandon him. I’ve done enough of that.” I look at him critically, his paw is tightly gripping his knee like he’s trying to physically restrain his nervous fidgeting. His shoulders are tight and the line of tension within them shows off the muscles he’s developed over the last few years. Or is that his swim training? He certainly looks sincere, or at least sincerely nervous. With a sigh I turn to him, “Look Chase. TJ didn’t tell me any details but he was adamant that it wasn’t your fault. The disappearing for years I mean.”

He stills, like he doesn’t move, absolutely. Even the little nervous ticks go still. It’s unsettling, I’ve noticed it before. It’s like every so often he encounters something that causes him to shutdown. Whatever logic causes it is internal, known only to Chase, maybe not even to him. It’s interesting some cold clinical part of my brain observes, cataloging the response. “I should have known. I knew the staff couldn’t be trusted. I knew they lied. Stole from us. I let them turn me against him.”

Exhaling I can feel a small amount of irritation, this self deprecation is annoying when Carl does it, I don’t think I’d have the patience for it from two people. Though I do wonder what caused it, he’s so different now from what he used to be like. What happened wherever you were Chase Hunter? “Did you even know he was trying to write you?” He shakes his head, his breathing sounds tight. “Then you couldn’t do anything. It’s not unreasonable to assume that he or his parents wouldn’t try to contact you after…” I almost say ‘What you did,’ I’m not that tactless, “What happened.”

Chase just shakes his head again, “No. You’re right about the facts but I could have tried to reach out to him. I didn’t. I was so damn angry that he never said anything. I said some awful things before… Before I was gone.” He hugs himself a minute, lets a shaky breath and then returns to that horrible stillness. But it confirms what I’d long suspected. TJ knows what happened.

TJ hasn’t told me what happened and I’ll admit it. That kinda hurts. He tells me almost everything. Told me about how Sydney attacked him and Chase found him crying on the playground. Okay he didn’t say he was crying but I do know TJ. I was ready to go out and find a way to get them both locked up but then TJ told me he and Chase just talked. That Chase’d thought we all left him to rot where he was and he was hurting about it. Turned out that’s just most of us. TJ tried to send letters and the place he was at confiscated them.

What kind of private prison bullshit are the Hunters even on. I feel like he mentioned the place at one point I’m tempted to look into historical records to see exactly what kind of thing it is. Maybe then I can put this unease to bed. Because for as much as TJ’s been happier than I’ve seen him in a long while. Or that Chase evidently spent most of his time where he was studying, because now we share most of our AP classes and he’s even managed to weasel his way into one I didn’t know about.

Apparently trying to escape this place too. I see him coming out of college prep around the same times I’m in there. Not like I can blame him Echo’s sitting on a hellmouth. Despite all of that, everything he’s doing would have made us even closer than we were, which is saying something because before the lake he and I were probably closer than just about any of the others. Now all of that is recontextualized at the backdrop of Lake Emma.

Mrs. Hess pulls up and I get up, Chase I notice is looking like he’s about to puke. So I pretend the Lake didn’t happen. That it isn’t lingering over every interaction we have. That this is just like the first roller coaster ride at Southwest Adventures, the one I had to physically drag him onto. Just like back then he grumbles but doesn’t fight me. Lets me lead.

“So, what’re you kids so excited about? I heard there was some big news today,” Mrs. Hess asks us her eyes meeting ours via the rear view mirror. Chase withers almost physically under that look. Looks like I need to rip the band-aid off. “Chase and I are leaving Echo. Chase has a place in Payton that we’re staying until we can get set up to get to Pueblo. Probably wont be able to leave until the beginning of next fall semester but it’s a start.” Her expression becomes a concerned frown, “Are you sure that’s safe?”

Chase is the one who pipes up at this, “Yeah, I know the guy who’s place we’re staying at. Keith. He’s really solid. He’s helped a couple people get out of bad situations in Echo.” I side eye him and he doesn’t seem to notice, because to hear Jeremy tell it Chase was the one who set them up. Hard to believe the Chase I knew would pass up the chance to be the hero of the story. He’d always been quick to divert attention from his failures, and flaws, but never his successes. “So you’ll be in Payton for a few months yet then?”

I nod, “Yeah, but not much longer than that. I don’t think either Chase or I want to put off the next steps by too long.” Mrs. Hess nods, TJ looks over the seat at us. “Do you need some help moving in?” Chase seems startled by the offer which, really Chase? It’s TJ. He’d help anyone who needed it. I bet if Sydney was moving he’d still offer to help. “Uh, well I don’t have a whole lot, I guess my games and anything I don’t want the a- Uh, my parents, to throw out. We aren’t exactly departing on good terms.” He looks at me, “You?”

“Just my manga, some clothes and keepsakes of my grandmother.”

TJ’s ears twitch like his listening to everything but still thinking really hard. “OH! I know! Why don’t we have a going away party during my birthday? That way we can have one more big celebration before you two head out!” Which is such a TJ thing to say, he knows everyone will be available, and that it means we wont need to spend as much money. “If you’re sure TJ, then I’m game, you Chase?” He seems to be looking at TJ then he nods, “Y-yeah, it’s your birthday. You decide how to celebrate.”

When they get out and walk towards the back I keep my ears trained. I don’t know how much I trust Chase alone with TJ. Mrs. Hess seems okay with it which is a surprise. She’s the only person I’ve met since Adam that actually scares me. The way she talked to Mrs. Bronson after the accident the she pulled TJ from school over made me think she was gonna finish what Chase started and maybe take Sydney’s mom out with him.

“I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay,” I hear Chase’s hushed voice. “It’s okay Chase. I’m glad you’re going where you need to. Doing what you need to. I bet I can come visit you when you’re at Pueblo too.”

I walk away because nosy though I may be some things are private and don’t need me to overhear them. As long as TJ’s safe I can give them space.

Chapter Text

[TJ PoV Hess Household]

I’m standing on tip toes setting up a banner. I know it’s supposed to be my birthday party but birthdays come once a year. You only get a graduation party once, twice if you’re lucky. So I want to make it as fun for everyone as I possibly can. Especially Chase.

I don’t know how to feel anymore. I was so excited that Chase came home, and he didn’t hate me. Not the way I thought he did. He’s also calmer, and he puts others first more it feels like. Then I feel bad thinking like that because it’s not the way he should be. I’m not stupid I might not understand everything that’s going on with him but that glazed look he gets when he responds to some of the adults is scary. Like he’s barely even there when he’s doing what they ask or answering questions His responses feel scripted. Even when he’s acting like himself he always feels more gloomy like there’s something constantly weighing on him.

He reminds me of Jasmynn… but not exactly, he’s more sad. Jasmynn looks at her life and Echo and just gets mad. Or determined to find her way out. I know mom’s been helping her try to jumpstart getting to Pueblo and dad’s helping her find out how to get out of town. Chase though, he just seems sad. Like even though he’s got the same sort of plans as Jasmynn it’s like he doesn’t really believe he’ll ever leave Echo. Like he’s trapped on a railway going in circles.

I just want to hug him but I don’t know how to make things better. I didn’t tell mom about the shove, because she’d freak out, and I know Chase didn’t mean it. He’s not like Sydney. But I wanted to know why he was so afraid. I asked mom, I just said he started shaking which is true, mostly. She just looked really upset and said the school he got sent to was a bad place and it’s not really her place to say more than that. That Chase will tell me if he’s ever ready to talk about it.

I think I might hate that place and the people who run it. Gosh that makes me feel like a bad Christian, that everyone deserves forgiveness if they actually want it but thinking about how quiet everyone gets when it comes up, the cloud of sadness that covers them, just makes me so mad! I hope his parents didn’t know because I just don’t know what I’d do or how I’d feel if they knew where they were sending their son.

I know it says to honor thy mother and thy father but shouldn’t parents honor their children too then? Or at least protect them? That’s what dad always says, and so does Pastor John. I remember when the new youth pastor came on, she was out about dating another girl. I asked her about that because I didn’t really know why that was so important. Some of the congregation was really mad about it and they pulled their kids from youth group. I’m glad Julian’s still around. I know Flynn dates other boys. Jasmynn talked about it a couple of times.

The youth pastor and Pastor John talked to some of us together and said it wasn’t really any different to how straight couples are. That we’re all children of God, and Jesus died for everyone, no matter who they are or how they love. That love was the chief thing He taught. She said that she was homeless after her parents kicked her out and it took a long time for her not to hate them. That she’s still working on forgiveness. Pastor said that when parents forsake the covenant with God that comes with having a child they break the commandment of honoring when we asked if that was breaking the commandments. London said that forgiveness and not hating wasn’t really for them but for her. She said hate was a lead weight in her heart and she wanted to be free of that and the hurt.

She’s really strong and I like when she runs group. I think Chase is also really strong too. I hope he can see that someday. I hope he doesn’t have lead in his heart. If he does maybe I can help him carry it, even if he doesn’t let it go.

**

[Karen PoV Echo]

Looking out the back of my trailer window at the long dead fire pit I find myself tapping my claws against the linoleum countertop. I’ve had to confront a lot of things in the last couple weeks. Learning about Brian’s…. Proclivities… I thought he’d dragged Keith into a life of unrepentant sin. That when he’d outed Keith to me it was a way to flaunt how he’d tainted my boy.

I was so angry I’d thrown him out. Left him to the wolves. Yet despite all that he texted me to say he was okay. I thought the worst, that Brian had him involved. But… Jeremy’s a little shit but he’s loyal I’ll give him that. I’d seen him face down the Alveraz boy despite getting the snot beaten out of him just to stick up for his even more of a lil shit friend Clint. The Hunter boy’s a wild card, always thought the two never got along but something happened when he vanished for a few years. Boarding school I heard.

I can’t help but shudder. Being a Meseta the words ‘Boarding School’ have very sinister undertones and if the hollow haunted look I see in that boy is anything to go on they are earned feelings. But even so, he stood next to Jeremy, stared me down, and said I was a shitty mother. Damn near lumped me in with if not below his and Jer’s own parents. How much of that was honest opinion and how much was exaggeration over principle. I don’t know.

Then I sent Maulco after him, fuck what a mess. I did the only thing I could do when I in this kind of mess. I put the kettle on and called the only two women I know and trust enough to help me sort out the nightmare that is my feelings on the subject. There’s a knock at the trailer door and I open it to see Janice Adler and Delilah Moore on the other side. “Hello Karen,” they exchange hugs with me and I gesture to the lawn, “Sorry but the trailer’s a bit less spacious than I’d like for guests.” They don’t mind and I know as much.

“So what’d you want our help with Karen?” It’s Janice asking, she’s always been the one to step up first. “Because lovely as it is to see you, it’s never short notice and both of us unless something’s going down. Like when your son’s boyfriend got exposed and then outed him to you.” My ears fold because I know this is just a part two of that breakdown.

“It’s about Keith again isn’t it?” Delilah’s voice cuts to the quick, she, like her nephew, has always been one to get right to the point unerringly. I nod, “I thought. I feared. He was involved and he was just…” Janice puts a paw on mine, “Maulco stopped by, she said he had wounds on him, fresh wounds. If what they’ve been digging out of Danicka is anything to go on… He got lucky…”

Janice pulls her paw back and takes a breath. “Karen. You value and respect my opinion yes?” I nod to her, “Yes.”

“And you appreciate that because I’m honest yes?”

I nod again.

“Then believe me when I say you were a massive bitch for what you did to your son. You kicked him out, left him to a predator, when he was vulnerable. Because of who he loves? Like he has shitty taste in men, but that’s a reason to have a long talk with him and teach him about red flags. Lord knows all of us know about shitty men and how much of a risk they are to our safety.” I hadn’t thought about that, god dammit I should know better as a Meseta woman I shouldn’t need Janice to tell me this. I look to Delilah who as always seemed to be holding her peace until she’s asked.

Taking my curious glance as the question it is she opens her eyes and says, “My nephew is gay. He’s been open about it since he was a teenager. His parents kicked him out and if I hadn’t been there for him he would have been in the same boat as Keith.” I don’t need her to spell out her own feelings, “What do I do?”

“You’ll need to work, to do something big and to be consistent. You broke his trust in many many ways. And in the words of a music video my nephew’s fond of, ‘Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection.’”

Janice nods, “Well. I think I know a way you can help.” I look to her hope writ across my face, at least that’s what I try to project. “His little friend Micha comes in with Leo often enough. Sounds like something might be going on with another of their friends. Heather?” Yeah I know her, little slip of a cat. I always worried about her, I told her even though Keith aint welcome she could come and go as she wanted. Never took me up on that. I feel worse about all this. Delilah slides her phone to me, “Maulco’s still in town.”

With a nod and a shaking paw I pick it up and press the call button, “Hi Sheriff, it’s me Karen. Yeah… I have a report I think I should make.”

**

[Keith PoV Downtown Payton]

Job hunting is one of, if not my least favorite thing. Well before Brian showed me a bottomless abyss of worse things. Brian and mom anyway. Sending out my resume and applications like tumbleweeds across the scrub and desperately hoping it gets picked up and looked at and I’ll hear back… Yeah not my favorite thing. Everything else? Is pretty great honestly. Interviews? I love meeting and chatting up new people. Resume? Finding new and interesting ways to bullshit is a kinda fun puzzle.

I’m working in the corner window table at a cafe in downtown Pueblo confronted once again by how much I’m relying on people outside myself. Job searching on a laptop Micha gifted me (providence unknown and I am not about to ask,) eating a lunch Jer paid for, and when I’m done I’ll be going home to a duplex that Chase dropped a shocking amount of money on. Something about a settlement, the look he got when the others asked made me think twice about pushing. If Heather cussing out Clint for getting too pushy didn’t validate that choice. I sigh because nothing hammers home how low you’ve fallen, nor how sad you are, quite like relying on literal children for handouts to survive.

Someone takes the seat across from me causing me to jump a bit. God calm down Keith you’re not back there. You’re in public. In a brightly lit cafe. In the middle of the day. The man across from me is a fairly well built rabbit, his head fluff pulled up into a bun that’s almost a top knot with a hair net over it, he’s in an apron and uniform, staff? “Looking for a job?” He asks with a warm smile. I blink and try to smile back but it might look a bit more like a grimace because I’m worried I’m about to be asked to leave. Hard to keep the good in people in mind after Brian. But I try, it’s what I owe the people who got me out of this, if I hadn’t reached out to one lonely little otter. “Yeah. I could use a job. You got one?”

He gestures to the cafe behind him, “You’re looking at the owner. Been looking for a good all rounder. Someone who can work register, dish, drinks, and kitchen prep all as needed. I’m usually in the kitchen so I need someone flexible who can go cover something while I’m whipping up orders.”

“Yeah I can but…” I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but last time I didn’t. It’d also be an affront to the people who came to my rescue if I put myself in another bad situation. Seeming to sense my discomfort the rabbit nods, “Seems a bit too good to be true?”

I nod. He gestures to my laptop, “I noticed your sticker.” He’s pointing to the rainbow indigenous pride sticker Jeremy slapped on the computer when Micha gave it to me. “I believe community’s gotta stick together.”

He holds out his paw to me, “I’m Falion.”

Grabbing it he has a firm yet gentle handshake, “Keith.”

**

[Micha PoV Payton High]

“I must say Micha, I’m really surprised when you contacted me,” Mrs. Byrnes says as she sits across from me. She’s nice in a way that no matter how hard I try is just… Pleasant. Not faux polite, not condescending, not as a way to make me go away without lifting something from her office, which of course puts me on edge. “What? Think I can’t care about my education?” She quirks an eyebrow, right she’s dealt with Chase and Jasmynn all year. Both of them are mouthy fucks, “You never seemed especially interested in higher education.”

I shrug and try to remain unflappable, she’s not buying it, letting out a puff of air I grumble, “Alright you got me. I wasn’t until… Well, Jas and Chase both took the test to get to Pueblo at the beginning of next year. Clint’s dropped, but now he’s working and getting the last credits for his GED. Jeremy’s been doing some…” Shit how do I describe taking over the dead kingpin’s contacts to build his own lil drug empire? “Community outreach.” Ha! Nailed it. “And honestly after Leo and I broke up I just think I should be doing something for my future. For me. Not for my folks, not for Leo, not for my friends. Me.”

She nods, “Understandable, I’m glad you’re thinking about that stuff. Your Accuplacer’s looking good. Your reading comprehension and math are both solid. Writing needs some work, I suspect you have hard time getting ideas down on paper?” That’s putting it mildly. “So how about we do a college writing prep class?” I nod, I don’t know much about college prep anything, “You’re the expert so I’m in your hands. Honestly, I’ll probably need more help with the financial shi-” She narrows her eyes a minute amount, “Uh, stuff. I ain’t exactly got a lot to my name.”

“That’s fine there’s grants and scholarships available, you’ll probably want to minimize loans?” Yeah I will even I know how much that shits just a veiled vector for bloodsucking parasites. “Yeah I’d rather not spend my life in debt peonage.” She chuckles and starts going through the paperwork with me. “You’re friends with Chase and Jasmynn yes?” I look up eyes narrowed, “Chase is cool, closer to Jas’ brother than her.” She nods, “You should talk to them, both have been navigating the bureaucracy of Pueblo. Be nice to have people to help you hit the ground running. What’re you thinking of studying?”

There’s only one thing other than attending counterculture shows, and being a nuisance that I’m really interested in. “Photography and videography,” she smiles at that, “I think I know the right program to register you for at the end of next year.”

Leaving her office I can see Leo leaning on a wall, very obviously waiting for me. I start to walk by him ignoring him when he opens his mouth and I’m cursing my emotions. “Micha wait!” I stop, sigh, then turn to face him, “What Leo?” I try to keep my voice even but dammit. I’m still mad. I still care about him and he still violated all my boundaries. Sure I can blame the Hum for some of that, as much as Leo likes to pretend differently, but Leo also did most some of that all on his own.

“I know you’re pissed, and, shit, I’m sorry okay? I was wrong.” I turn and look him in the eye, “About what?” His ears fold back, “Well. A-about… Okay I don’t know if I was wrong about Chase overall…” My eyes narrow and he holds up his hands, “But! I was wrong for jumping the gun I was pissed and I didn’t think.” I sigh and lean back against the wall opposite, “Leo… You beat up my friends. Twice. Like Clint’s an asshole but he’s still one of my friends and Chase did literally nothing to you. You were just feeling insecure.” Leo whines, “I know I’m not asking you to take me back I just. Can we still, can we try to stay friends?”

I bite my lip, then turn away, “I’ll think about it.”

**

[Chase PoV Hess Household]

The party is odd, I’d never imagine Micha, Jeremy, and Clint here in the Hess household rubbing elbows with TJ, Jasmynn, and myself. By dint of invite from both TJ and his parents no less. “Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows,” I mumble, earning a sidelong glance from Jeremy. “What’s that?”

“Shakespeare, Jeremy,” Jasmynn’s voice comes from behind us earning a yelp from myself and Jeremy. “Jesus Christ on a stick Jas,” Jeremy hisses to her earning a smug look from her, “Don’t fucking do that please.” He turns away, “Now, what?” She shakes her head ear flicking with amusement, “The quote Chase just made, it’s Shakespeare. Not inappropriate. Did you ever think you’d be invited to the Hess household for any reason? Much less with Clint and Micha?” He considers that a moment taking a long slow sip of his drink, “Nah, though it being for your graduation is not a surprise, ya freaky genius. Chase being here’s more the surprise, no offense killer.”

“Plenty of offense taken chunky.” I shoot him a smile as mean as it is playful. He sighs into his cup, “Yeah yeah, speaking of. I know this is probably nicer and more expensive juice or whatever than I’ll get for a while. But damn this health food crap’s not my scene.” I nod, “I like it though, I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to stronger flavors again. At least not with lots of sugar.” Jeremy looks disgusted by this, then Clint swoops in with TJ in tow, “You guys are just sitting here chatting? C’mon your sister, and the hero of Tetanus Alley are leaving tonight.”

“Christ I think I’ll take Killer as the nickname thank you,” I mumble earning me a flick to the ear. “Urk. The hell Clint!” TJ frowns and I know exactly what he’s doing now, baiting me like that. Bastard. “Listen as much as I might find the idiot’s display… Too touchy for my tastes,” he gestures to Ryan and Kyle who are just shy of grinding on each other, leading to Darick dousing them with ice water. “Save it for the after-party horndogs.” He growls at the two, Kyle shakes his head and Ryan just grins with his wet fur plastered over his eyes. “We’re just trying to get everyone to loosen up bro.” I’m not sure which one of them says that and which one says, “Yeah, it’s a party c’mon guys lets start to move!”

Taking advantage of the invite Heather swoops in to take TJ’s paw and deftly extract him from Clint’s grip, earning a little ‘mreep’ from the lynx, “May I have this dance?” He turns red up to the tips of his ear tufts, “O-oh, u-uh okay H-Heather.” She takes them to the dance floor and seems to relish having someone holding her who has no interest in anything but where his next paw step goes in their dance.

I shake my head but then I get an idea, “Hey Jasmynn.” Her ears swivel towards me, “A dance? For old times?” She laughs; it’s a slightly mean sound, the sound that means she’s having fun, maybe at someone else’s expense. “Sure, but from now on. It’s Jenna, I don’t feel like making it easy on my parents asking for money.” Jeremy laughs watching us make our way into the middle of the Hess’ back yard, “Nah, just your baby bro right?” She waits until TJ’s parents aren’t looking to flip him off.

**

As the party winds down, we make our way out, Keith’s there with his clunker, now able to get gas. He’s been positively glowing since getting his new gig. “Alright kiddos ready to go?” Jas, no, Jenna, and I go. Heather turns around eyes misting as she holds the gang close. “Don’t be strangers okay? I promise I’ll be right over in Payton. As soon as I know we’re safe from him I’ll call okay?” That’s the cost of her salvation, the women’s shelter won’t let her contact people just whenever, on the off chance her father uses it to find her.

They promised that as soon as he has no legal tie to her she’ll be free to come and go whenever she wants. A few years. A few years of strife before she can truly be free. Something all of us have been trapped in. Liminal state between bound and free, adult and child, Echo and the world.

We get in and Keith starts the car, “Everyone buckled up?” Thumbs up from Jenna and I in the back seat Heather nods drying her eyes with a handkerchief in the passenger seat. “Alright then. Lets roll.” We roll out onto the dark empty highway the tones of CCR’s Bad Moon Rising blaring out the windows into the cool desert night.

**

[Jeremy PoV]

The first time I visit Keith after Jenna and Chase left for Pueblo it’s with good news. I’d finally solidified my control over Brian’s contacts, and cut out the nastier elements. I didn’t know he’d sent off snuff films. Tempted to just hand the cops the tapes but I also might want to keep Salem’s balls in a vice in case I need him to dispose of something. Duke was smart though, I suspect he had something on Brian considering his wife was listed among the bear’s victims. Most importantly though, growers in the legally nebulous region of the Res have agreed to supply.

It’s not clean, it’s not pretty, it sure as shit ain’t legal, but I got money, decent cash actually. More importantly there’s other connections I’m making. Connections between Payton and the Res. Ms. Moore’s even started having little chats with me during tribal meets. Never gave me the time of day before but now that I’m making connections and she’s trying to get elected she’ll slum it. Whatever we’re business and business only. Just like me and Carl. No friendship or camaraderie just an exchange of goods and services.

When I get in I hear a voice I was not expecting, “Keith just… I’m just here to talk.” There’s a shakey intake of breath, “Ma- Karen, I don’t know what there’s to say. You told me to get out of your house, that you wouldn’t have a faggot son bringing his sins in. Then you sent the cops to the house of one person who let me stay.”

I wait, part of me wants to leave them to a private talk, but I also know Karen and I might need to physically chase her off. So I wait, “Keith… What that man, you’re boyfriend,”

“Ex-Boyrfriend”

“Brian, said about you. I only had his word to go on and then you admitted that you and he were a thing? He said you helped him get up what he had going in the bar. Said you knew what he was doing.” Then she takes a breath, “No, you’re right, I should have asked you. He was… I should have realized what he was doing.” The chair in the kitchen creaks I can imagine Keith leaning back and running a hand over his muzzle. “Yeah, you should have. If… Mom would you even have realized if he’d have killed me?”

There’s silence, and that’s the rub isn’t it? She wouldn’t have. “I don’t ever want to be in that situation. I don’t… Keith I want to have an answer for that question. I should have known better.”

“Yeah… Yeah… I know but… Mom you hurt me and I, I want to trust you to see the good in everyone. I want to forgive you.”

“But?”

“But I feel how I do. Just. Maybe give me some time. Show me I can trust you again. Because I do want to. I want to have a mom.”

There’s a breath, “You do Keith, I’ll show you. You do. No matter what.”

I’m not needed after all. “Jeremy you can drop the food off in the counter.” Dammit Keith, I enter the kitchen and watch them. Karen’s quickly fixing her makeup which must have started to run when she got misty eyed. “Hey Keith.” I nod to the guest, “Karen.” She takes a breath. “I didn’t realize you were visiting.” I shrug, “The Meseta Outreach Center was having a meeting. Ms. Moore wanted to have a conversation. She’s got all these big ideas. Personally I don’t think Echo’s worth the effort, no offense.” Karen snorts and shrugs, “I wont argue with you about that one. She’s stubborn.” An alarm goes off, Karen’s phone, “Well I wont delay your dinner. Don’t be a stranger Keith, I know you don’t want to come back to Echo but. Anytime you need I’ll try to come okay?”

He nods, they don’t hug but they shake paws, firm and respectful.

**

[Sydney PoV Echo]

Flynn’s really come through for me, he’s the only person who might be able to find out where Toby hangs out and be willing to tell me. He’s also hanging out, because he knows how I treated the lynx and will step in if I overstep, it’s frustrating but… I can’t blame him. Toby rounds a corner going towards the store when he sees me and stops, he looks like he’s considering running the other way. “Toby wait! I’m… I’m gonna stay right here okay? I wont get any closer I just wanted to talk.”

His ears swivel but he’s not running, “Alright.” His voice is soft but he’s staring me down. He doesn’t say anything else. Just. ‘Alright.’ Probably the best I’ll get. “Listen Toby I wanted to say I’m sorry okay? I, after my OD I had to really think about who I am and how I’ve been and trying to make things right. I. I wanted to start with you because well. I think I hurt you worst.” I let that hang there, trying to smile but I think it comes out forced and creepy so I let it drop.

“Sydney I-” Toby starts, looking small, then he takes a breath, stands up straight, and squares his shoulders. “I appreciate the apology. And the Bible does say to turn the other cheek.” I feel relief, it’s short lived, “But. You’re right about one thing Sydney you hurt me. And you’d apologized before, only to turn around and hurt me again. That time on the playground that time at.” He swallows, trying to swallow panic I’m certain, “The Lake.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t know if this makes me a bad Christian but I cannot accept your apology Sydney. Maybe one day. Maybe with more time and effort. But not today.” I clench my teeth and my fists, how dare he? How dare he just blow me off? He doesn’t know anything. Pathetic little shit should- I exhale, trying to shut up that fury boiling inside me. That’s not all I am, I’m more than that and if I want any hope of making amends I’ll need to show Toby and everyone else that too. Prove it to myself as much as to them. So I just nod. “Okay Toby. Thanks for hearing me out,” he replies with a stiff nod. I put my hands in my pockets and cross the street, even though I’m going the direction he came from I don’t think he trusts me to walk past him on the same side. I still have more work to do.

**

[Carl PoV Pueblo One Year Later]

“Nah mom, it’s fine! Most freshman have a roommate yeah?” I sigh, hefting the box in my hooves to adjust the phone between shoulder and muzzle, angling my ear so it’s over the speaker. I really should get a headset of some sort. “Like as long as he’s not a killer and showers I don’t really care.” Mom’s voice is laced with ‘legitimate concern’ when she replies.

“Even if he’s a mustelid? You know that showers can only do so much to them.” Wow, that was speciest. Besides it’s not like it’s a bad smell really, the one time it got to be too much was when Syd put me in a headlock after one of his games and I’m pretty sure no one would smell good like that. “I’m sure that if they can handle my weed stank I can handle some musk.” I must have let some of my annoyance slip into my voice because mom’s voice comes out a little sharper. “Well okay then if you’re so sure I bet you can handle all the rest of it by yourself too.” The line goes dead. Great.

A bit of unexpected good luck is that my roommate is already there with the dorm unlocked. Thank god because I have no idea how I’d try to unlock the door while juggling all my stuff. When I get into the dorm their back is to me. Banging away at a keyboard as he’s working on some paperwork. At least I hope it’s paperwork I hope there’s no homework already. There’s a faint hint of musk but it’s clear this person doesn’t just bathe but uses musk-off. Probably an otter if the thick tail is anything to go by.

The room is slightly lived in, only one of the beds remains bare I’m about to put my box down when I glance to the other bed. A poster for the Pueblo Hydras, their swim team specifically. A hockey poster of some GWN team above it, signed interestingly enough, and on one of the shelves is a… Payton High yearbook…? “Carl?” The voice drags me back to the present and Chase, his muzzle quirked like he’s considering an especially annoying math problem.

The expression shifts abruptly to shock when a bang echoes through the tiny dorm room. “I hope nothing in that was delicate,” I look down because the bang was my box of stuff slipping from hooves and hitting the ground. “FUCK!”