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Red.
That was all she could see for such a long time.
Time.
It seemed to stretch on endlessly. Or was it sped up? She didn’t know. She had no concept of the passage of time. No concept of anything. Not anymore. There was just red.
Red.
She wasn’t sure if it was because of all the blood.
Blood.
It had the same coppery, metallic smell as it always had. But suddenly it was appealing. It was all she wanted and all she needed and nothing else mattered. Only red.
Red.
She figured it could also just be a simple coping mechanism. A coping mechanism for her dying brain to try and process the sheer amount of pain she was in. Had been in for what felt like eternity.
Eternity.
She had never wanted eternity. She had never wanted any of this. She could not have made that more clear. And yet here she was. Seeing nothing but red.
Red.
Where was he? Why hadn’t he rescued her like he always promised he would? Then again, maybe none of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t raised her the way he had. Maybe this was all his fault.
No. This was her fault. If Danny hadn’t betrayed her secret, Mattie would still be alive. So would I, she thought.
They weren’t totally innocent in this either. Who knows how much better off everyone would have been if they had just learned to keep their nose out of places it didn’t belong. Like reanimating dead bodies and wanting to turn everything into an experiment. It was exhausting.
But what about her. She never got the chance to figure out what exactly had been up with her. But it was bad. She’d felt it. She’d just ignored it because she was LaF’s best friend and really the only one keeping them all taken care of. Until she changed. Why had she changed? Why had she left them like that? Look what had happened as a result. This was her fault.
Red.
She suddenly felt so full of it, like she was going to overflow and it would all come pouring out of her skin like the blood that covered her body now. Like in those dreams she used to have. The room had filled up with blood and she had felt like she was drowning. She had been so scared then. Pitiful. Now…now she would give anything to drown in it. To drown in their blood. All of them. She had never felt such violent, murderous anger in her entire life. But there was a reason for that wasn’t there? She searched for that familiar feeling in her chest that had always kept the red at bay. But it was gone. It was all gone. Her chest was hollow and empty, home only to a rotting heart that would never beat again. She didn’t feel it anymore. She didn’t feel love. Not for any of them. Not for anyone. In fact, she didn’t feel anything anymore. There was only red.
Red.
As it all finally began to dull, she was able to force her eyes open. The dried blood encasing them cracked and fell away, cascading down her face and landing in the shallow pool that had begun to build up around her. She wondered, would she just continue to lose blood until there was nothing left in her? Would she emerge from this transformation an empty shell? As she looked for an answer among her surroundings, she spotted her. There, curled into herself across the room, no doubt drowning in disgusting self-pity and guilt, she saw her.
Carmilla.
Forget everything else , she thought, I can take care of everyone else later. This, what’s happening right now…this is her fault.
“This is your fault,” she spoke aloud for the first time, listening to the changes in her voice, taking twisted pleasure in seeing how it affected the girl who sat crying fifteen feet in front of her.
“I know. I’m sorry; I’m so sorry Laura. But I just couldn’t-“
“This is your fault,” she continued, a malicious undertone cutting through her voice that she’d never heard before. She didn’t hate it.
Nothing but pathetic sniffles and sobs from across the room. It only served to fuel her blinding rage.
“This is your fault,” she said once more, “And I swear to god, I will make you pay.”