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Hell is empty and all the devils are here
- William Shakespeare
-
The weight of the world rested on an angel’s shoulders.
Or, more accurately, her wings.
Elle could still feel the ache of their absence as she walked into the foreign office, a dull burning that never faded from her shoulders. An angel could not walk among humans and keep her wings; an angel could not walk among humans and be known.
When she returned to Valhalla, they’d be returned to her; feathers would grow from blood and all would be right in the world.
Until then, she was stuck in this too bright office, fluorescence too harsh on her eyes.
It wasn’t as she had hoped. It was almost, she rarely spoke the word, terrible. Of course, she had been in this world for seventy-two hours, and that had consisted of tests and offices and cars with dimmed windows and the unbearable burning that had finally dulled to something she could get used to.
Angels helping humans was as long standing a practice as anything else. Guardian angels were much more than folklore; but it was only in recent years that a bridge of sorts had been built between their worlds. Angels who would help humans full time where they were needed most, nurses and EMTS and the occasional firefighters.
They made agents out of the ones who could stomach it. Elle wasn’t sure she could, but the others were, so here she was.
It was not miracle working - no angel messed with fate - but it was a dedication of self all the same.
“The BAU has been in search of another angel for a while now.” The woman across from her spoke. Her eyes were kind, if a little sorry, and Elle was pretty sure she had said her name was Erin. “The FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.” She amended after seeing the confused look that clung to Elle’s face.
“Oh,” She mumbled, nodding slowly. “That sounds good.”
The lighting was killing her. She had to keep resisting the urge to rub her eyes and retreat; but she was not a child. She was a guardian. And that meant she could endure - she had to.
“I know this is a lot,” The woman continued, her voice kind but Elle could catch the undertones of something icy. Authority, they called it. “And if at any point you change your mind…”
She trailed off and Elle was quick to shake her head. “I’m sure. It’s just an adjustment, that’s all.”
“A large one. I trust that they’ll come to be a great support network for you. Jennifer is going to love you. I can already tell.”
“Because you do behavioral analysis?” Elle questioned, always curious.
“No,” the woman sighed, “Because I know how badly she needs someone who understands.”
“Is she lonely?” Worry pinched the soft edges of Elle’s voice.
“Of course she is…but with you around, maybe she won’t have to be.”
-
“Hi.”
She’s meeker than expected, the angel standing in front of JJ. Prettier, too. Her eyes glimmered like golden flakes as they glanced around the chaos of JJ’s office, the large stacks of files still to be sorted through.
“You must be Elle,” JJ reached her hand out, expectant for a shake, nearly laughing as Elle just looked at her fingers with a curious quirk of her lips. JJ remembered seeing the world as she did once, a confusing haze that was equally foreign and beautiful.
But her months here had dulled the haze to smoke. There was no more magic.
“You shake it.” JJ explained while gently grabbing Elle’s hand.
“Why?”
“I don’t know why they do the things they do. You learn to stop asking after a while.”
Elle shook her hand. She had spent months studying everything that would make her the perfect agent - she could tell you the exact number of fires allegedly set by the Son of Sam - but the mannerisms were still a mystery to her.
“You should sit,” JJ gestured to the open seat across from her desk. Elle did so, tentatively, wincing the moment her back pressed against the chair behind her.
“Your wings?” JJ questioned, and Elle nodded. There was no point in lying. She was still bleeding through the bandages, waking up swathed in silken sheets and an annoying amount of stray feathers.
“It’ll get better with time, most things do.”
“You seem so sad.” Elle replied, catching JJ off guard as she gave her a tight lipped smile,
“It’s different, studying the crimes, reading about them…and actually seeing them.”
“Is that what’s in these?” Elle rested her hand atop a stack of files. Her fingers curled to remove the top files cover, and JJ quickly covered Elle’s hand with her own.
“You’re not ready yet.”
She could see the raw emotionality that flickered in Elle’s face. It had her worried; perhaps she’d be much more fitting as a nurse.
“I’ll be alright,” Elle replied, eyes glassy without even taking a glance at the pictures. “It’s my job now, too.”
“And it’s my job to ease you into it.”
JJ tried to sweeten the edges of her smile, recognizing the way Elle looked at her. Admiration. She was just now beginning to find her own bearings, and was less than sure she was ready to be a mentor.
She would be devastated if the cure to her own loneliness came at the cost of Elle’s smile.
And it was such a pretty smile she had.
“Well thank you for caring.” Elle’s hand slipped away from the file stack, settling instead in her lap.
“Do you want to go meet the rest of the team?”
“Not yet, if that’s okay.” She stood, the seat too uncomfortable on her back, and instead settled herself on the edge of JJ’s desk, one of the rare places without files. “I want to know more about you, first.”
JJ watched Elle’s legs swinging back and forth, The restlessness, how it mixed with the nerves divinely.
“What is it you want to know?”
She answered Elle’s questions (and she had a lot of questions) as best as she could. JJ was thankful that they actually did mostly pertain to her as a person.
She couldn’t stand to tell Elle the truth of the job she had committed herself to. It was a dreadful, dreadful thing to know what awaited her in the field. It was hard enough to see the effects on her team, but this girl with golden eyes and a natural shimmer on her cheeks…
“I really think the team would like to meet you now.” JJ spoke up after finishing telling Elle of her gift.
Every angel had a gift all her own. For JJ, she could tell when someone was lying. Through the eyes, mostly, though the sensitive beats of the heart were no exception.
It was a blessing that ensured her friends were always true. But it was a curse that doomed her to the dark line of work she found herself drowning in.
Such a gift you have, they whispered, how selfish it would be to let it go to waste. Selfish, oh incredibly selfish. But you would never do that, would you, Jennifer?
“I know.” Elle was playing with her hands, and JJ narrowed her eyes at the sight of the raw skin around her cuticles. “I’m just a bit scared, that’s all.”
“I remember how scary it was. They hear the word angel and think they understand everything about us, but they don’t.” JJ crossed to the other side of her desk, gently grabbing Elle’s hands between her own and easing her off the surface. “But they’re learning, and you can help them too.”
“That is what I’m here for,” Elle flashed that wondrous smile again, slowly walking to the door of JJ’s office.
JJ paused behind her, watching the stray feather ghost it’s way out from the hem of Elle’s shirt, how it practically curled into the floor.
She knelt to grab it, Elle’s attention still front facing, and held it up to see the beautiful shimmers of gold and emerald dusted along the white feathers.
Then, she let it go.
-
“How are you feeling?”
JJ slid the tea across the table to Elle.
It was as she expected. Her eyes looked hollow, her cheek between her teeth as she tilted her head to the side and gave a limp shrug. A strand of hair brushed across her cheek, and the sigh she gave hardly moved it.
“It’s worse than I thought.”
Her hands closed around the mug. She still saw the bodies every time she closed her eyes, so she didn't, favoring the marbled lines of the coffee table.
“Is this lavender?”
“With honey.”
“How’d you know?” Elle gave her best attempt at a smile. It fell a bit flat around the edges, but JJ didn’t comment on it.
“It will get easier.”
“I don’t want it to,” Elle mumbled, tightening her hands around the mug. “I don’t want to lose the horror.”
And JJ understood; remembering the dull chill that moved through her bloodstream the first time she didn’t flinch at what lied beneath the white sheets.
She felt like her heart had been butchered; and then she pushed the thoughts aside and did her job. And she kept doing that.
“Then don’t.”
It’s silent, tense. Not what JJ was expecting.
“Do you need help with your bandages?” She continued, not content to simply sit and watch Elle pull at her lip with her teeth.
“Maybe.”
Elle had been grateful to wake up before JJ that morning in their shared hotel room, finding herself surrounded by another annoying plume of feathers, the sheets red.
She snuck them down to the wash and crossed her fingers, but JJ caught her as she came back into the room.
“When does the bleeding stop?” Elle questioned, raising her arms over head as JJ gently pulled her shirt away. The bathroom had felt large when she first entered, but now it felt suddenly small.
“It’ll take a while.” JJ was gentle as she unwound the bandages, “It never heals all the way. We’re not supposed to be without them.”
“The wounds aren't so bad.”
They were, but JJ didn’t tell her that.
Elle watched intently as JJ ran a cloth under cool water. This was from her own bag, a black much more fitting for blood.
“It might sting.”
“I know.”
She started crying as JJ held the fabric against her back. It started a slow drip of tears, but soon her shoulders were shaking, and sorry hadn’t even crossed her lips before JJ was turning her around and trying to hold her without hurting her.
Elle didn’t apologize - such a thought didn’t occur to her - she hadn't yet learned the price of emotionality.
“It’s just not what I thought.” Elle sniffled. She had known what she was coming here for. Still she had hoped, kept alive some enchanted dream that the world she dreamed of would match the beautiful stories she heard of, that she’d find so many good hearts and only a few bad.
But it was tests and too crowded streets. Too white, too ill prepared for blood soaking anything.
And there was so much bloodshed.
How foolish she’ll be, they whispered, If you don’t teach her to stop dreaming. What a fool she’ll become.
“I know it’s hard.”
“Too hard.”
“Not for you,” JJ’s hand swept the tears away, “You’re here for a reason.”
“But it’s so dark.”
“It’s beautiful, too. You just haven’t been here long enough.” Her hand settled against Elle’s cheek, smoothing over her soft skin.
Elle nodded, reaching out to twirl her finger around JJ’s hair.
“Your hair is like sunlight.”
“That’s not exactly what I was referring to.” JJ laughed, turning Elle back to face the mirror as she blotted away the last of her tears.
“But it’s beautiful.”
“So are your eyes, they’re like mirrors.” JJ gently began to apply the leftover salve she still kept in the bottom of her bag to the gashes. “I think you should let these breathe overnight.”
“Like mirrors?”
“Mmmhmm, they show everything.”
“Do yours need anything?” Elle turned, fingers finding the hem of JJ’s shirt. She didn’t tug, just held onto it, a gesture of noticing.
“Oh,” JJ paused, blushed a bit. "I’ve never had anyone to help me before. But they’re mostly better. It’s been a long time.”
Fingers loosened.
“So nothing?”
JJ returned them to the hem of her shirt.
“Some cold water would feel nice.”
-
Another annoying plume of feathers.
JJ woke up first, this time. Found her in the pinkened sheets with feathers in her hair, one just beneath her parted lips, stirring every time she breathed out.
Her legs were clad in borrowed sweatpants, twisted against the sheets with restlessness, her torso still bare and JJ almost scolded herself for how desperately she was trying to avert her gaze.
It used to be that a gaze didn’t have to mean anything. There was no shame in looking.
This place was changing her.
She picked up another glimmering feather, and noticed it felt suddenly like an anchor.
-
The flowers on the woman's front porch were wilted and dead, JJ half expecting them to turn to dust at the motion of her passing.
JJ had thought it was a sign of guilt, but it was a sign of grieving.
She was a widow, and there had been no lie in her eyes as she confessed she had no idea what her son was up to these days.
Loss had a funny way with people, and JJ supposed wilted flowers were the least of it.
Elle paused in the doorway as they left, and JJ settled into the passenger seat, looking up to find the pots suddenly overrun with vibrancy.
Elle settled into the driver's seat, soil along her fingers.
“You sure you want to drive?”
“I like it,” Elle replied, giving JJ a better look at her fingers as she turned the keys.
“Your gift,” JJ took another awed glance at the floral collage of all of her favorite colors.
“It’s not very useful. But I think she needed a little beauty.”
JJ could not articulate the amount of times she had wished she had something less useful. Knowing when someone was lying had never done much for her happiness. Just her hurt.
“A lot of them do,” JJ replied. “I think that makes it useful.”
-
“I don’t know what any of these things are.” Elle’s eyes swept over the menu as her hand reached for the mug of coffee on the edge of the table. She was quickly growing dependent on it.
“I’d recommend the pancakes or the waffles.”
“Which is better?”
“That’s a heated debate.” JJ replied, mirroring Elle as she took a sip of her own coffee. “I prefer pancakes.”
“Then I’ll get the waffles, and you’ll let me try your pancakes.”
JJ rolled her eyes, though there was no true annoyance in the gesture. She had not expected to find herself in a diner at 3 AM when she went to sleep, but she didn’t mind.
She'd had her fair share of nightmares, waking up with the sheets clinging to her and trembling, pulling the covers back over her head like they were armor. It was easier getting by with the delusion of steel lying in the silken threads.
It wasn’t Elle’s fault she just happened to be one who screamed.
JJ knew from the look on Elle’s face that sleeping again was not an option, so she found the nearest diner and decided it was time to finally introduce Elle to cheap breakfast food. Besides, they were due at the airport in three hours anyway, now that their case had wrapped.
“These are good,” Elle chewed the pancake JJ had just given her, “But I think waffles are better.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Hmmm…let me have one more bite. Just to be sure.”
-
“Do you like these?” Elle glanced up from the book in her hands to where JJ stood next to her.
The jet had been refueled, and now they were waiting just outside their gate for the pilots arrival. The airport was small, maybe a five minute walk from one side to the other, the bookstore cramped between two of the four available gates.
“They’re okay,” JJ replied, plucking the book from Elle’s hand.
“You’ve never read anything, Angel?” Derek craned his head around to try and get a look at the book.
He had been quick to try the nickname with JJ, but JJ was quicker to shut it down. Elle didn’t seem to mind. It was a standard enough pet name to the average listener.
Not that JJ thought they’d remain a carefully guarded secret for much longer, humans had loose lips.
Elle gave a small shake of her head. “We don’t write our stories, we tell them.”
“Will you tell me one?”
“Maybe after she sleeps.” JJ cut in, “That’s more important.”
“Okay, mom.” He groaned, and JJ wrinkled her nose. His replacement nickname had been less than ideal.
“I don’t understand the nickname fascination. My name is just fine.” She whispered to Elle, placing the book back on the shelf.
Elle gave a small shrug.
"Maybe I can think of some better ones."
-
“JJ?”
Elle was standing at the foot of her bed, their next case having crept up quickly.
“You were whimpering.”
JJ rubbed the sleep from her eyes, trying to ground herself in the dim hotel room and pull herself from the terrible nightmare.
They were always terrible.
Elle sat down, looking unsure of the amount of space she took up.
“Just a bad dream, it happens.” JJ pulled the pillow over her eyes, if only to cover how close to tears she was.
“Can I do anything?”
“You should sleep.” JJ wasn’t used to offered help, yet Elle was persistent. It was nice, and it was terrifying all in the same confusing breath.
Elle didn’t sleep. She opened the door and made her way outside, ignoring JJ’s confused call of her name and the brisk air as she knelt in the grass, pulling lavender from nothingness.
She hurried back up the stairs, JJ throwing the door open just as Elle’s hand reached for the handle.
“Where did you go?” She squinted, eyes scanning Elle for any injury. “You can’t just leave like that!”
“I brought you lavender,” Elle replied, the softness of her voice bringing JJ back to herself. “Like the tea you made for me.”
“I’m sorry for shouting.” JJ accepted the flowers and waved Elle back inside, taking a deep breath.
The wounds on her back pulsed, always made worse with a bad dream. She missed her wings, having a built in security to wrap herself in. It was why she tried so hard with the sheets.
“Don’t be.” Elle walked back to her bed, settling with an exhausted curve in her shoulders. “There just wasn't much to pull from in here."
“Hotels are rather drab.” JJ replied, inhaling the flower's scent once more.
“They’re beautiful.” JJ rested them against the nightstand, settling back into bed.
“You don’t have to sleep so far.”
It was bold, her voice trembled. She fisted her fingers in the sheets, trying to stay grounded. Her armor of threads.
Moments from snapping.
“I don’t?” Elle reappeared in her view, nervously settling on the mattress.
“Right there is fine. Better, actually.”
Elle nodded, curling on her side. She naturally slept on her right. JJ naturally slept on her left. What an oddly perfect pair they made.
The space between them seemed to have a life of its own, so their fingers filled it, a nervous holding of hands as darkness made itself known.
“Goodnight,” Elle whispered.
“Sweet dreams.” JJ replied.
For once, she had them.
-
JJ woke up first.
Elle had moved to her other side in the night, and JJ tentatively reached a hand out to trace the swollen edges of the remnants of Elle’s wings.
She had stopped bleeding onto the sheets, but the feathers were still there. JJ lifted them one by one, allowing the air conditioning to carry them for the few seconds before they disappeared into golden shimmers.
She had finally stopped finding frequent feathers a month ago. Now, she found them only rarely, shimmering silver and baby blue in all the places Elle’s shined gold and green.
She couldn’t believe she missed it.
“What are we doing?” JJ whispered, burying her face into the pillow as she lowered her hand from Elle’s back. The goal was to help. It always had been, but it was so consuming she had forgotten how to help herself along the way.
It ate at her, relentless, the teeth of her ambitions sharper than any unsubs, deadlier than any bullet.
She saw it mirrored in Elle, mirrored in her mirror eyes, perhaps even more intensely. It terrified her.
Of course, there were the good moments. She had seen the moment all of Elle’s wavering uncertainty vanished. When they saved a girl rather than lost her and she flung herself into Elle’s arms without question.
Elle had winced as fingers dug into her back, but hadn’t truly minded.
The happiness and the hope was dangerous, it was rare, but JJ clung to it.
And clinging to Elle was starting to feel a lot like both of those things.
-
Three cases turned into five.
Elle blinked away tears as she signed off on the file.
“Hey,” A voice spoke up behind her.
“JJ!” She grinned, excitedly turning around in her chair. “Please don’t tell me you’re bringing me another one.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” She had dreaded bringing Elle the first. “I’m taking you out for the night.”
“You are?”
“I’m going to show you something beautiful.”
As her weeks turned into a month, Elle had discovered waterfalls and candles, stray cats and tiny shops; how sweet cherries were on the tongue and that she did indeed prefer waffles to pancakes. She had seen cities from above, the expanse of twinkling lights that shone bright enough to block out the crowded streets.
She had seen beautiful things. Tasted them, heard them, touched them. Even felt them, like the confusing jump of her heartbeat anytime JJ took her anywhere.
“Is it another waterfall?” Elle’s eager voice bounced along the parking garage walls.
“It’s a surprise.”
“I do like those.”
“I know.”
Much to JJ’s surprise, Elle lets her drive, though she understands when as soon as they’re off the highway Elle’s window is down and she’s halfway out the car.
“Be careful.”
“I miss flying.” Elle sighs, wistful as the wind blows her hair from her cheeks. There’s a pang of resonance in JJ’s chest. She misses it too.
“Hey,” She settles back in the car, curled oddly in the seat, hair wild and windblown. “Are we almost there?”
JJ nods, turning down a dirt road cleaved between trees, and Elle grins.
“You’re taking me to another waterfall.”
“Not quite.”
It’s a meadow.
They walk past honeysuckle and daisies, dandelions and even the occasional thistle. Elle doesn’t mind the pricks against her bare feet, her shoes still in the car.
As lovely as the flowers are, it is the sky above that is captivating.
Sprawling stars as far as either of them can see, strung together like spiderwebs, reaching outwards with hands desperate to grasp whatever they were reaching for.
“This is amazing,” Elle said, her head tilted straight up.
She looked like a painting, JJ noticed, hair cascading and nose tilted at just the right angle. It was dark, but the brilliant gold of her eyes was still shining like the stars.
“I come here a lot. Especially when the cases get rough.” JJ said, unfolding the blanket she had grabbed from her backseat and pulling Elle onto the plush fabric with her.
“I wish we could see the stars in Valhalla.”
“Me too.”
Elle laid close, instinct after they had shared the bed, and JJ wrapped a gentle arm around her, using her fingers to guide Elle through the map of stars.
“That one there, that’s the big dipper.”
“What’s a dipper?”
“Don’t worry about it.” JJ smoothed a hand over Elle’s hair. “It’s not very important. That one there is Orion, see the three stars? Those are his belt.”
Elle snickered. “As if Orion would ever wear a belt.”
“I see his bow!” Her voice was pure excitement as her finger rushed to meet JJ's, outlining the five stars on the outer edge of the constellation.
“You learn fast.” JJ swept her finger down, easing into new constellations.
Elle’s head ended up on JJ’s chest, the small nods she gave in response to the stars JJ’s only affirmation she wasn’t sleeping. JJ wrapped a tighter arm around Elle’s shoulders, resting her other arm along the blanket.
“Will you take me here again?” Elle questioned when it had been silent for a moment too long.
“Just let me know when you need it.” JJ smiled. “It’s best if we keep it special.”
“I think I could come here every night and never grow tired of it.”
JJ’s smile waned. She had thought the same thing, once.
-
Five cases turned into ten.
Elle was harder around the edges, but she still had eyes that told JJ everything.
Still, she didn’t flinch so much, didn’t spend her nights turning to cry into JJ. She hadn’t lost her horror - she bore it all, but deep down, where she could nurture it. Where she could allow herself to feel it without their judgment.
Most often, in those quiet moments just after a nightmare, breathing raggedly until JJ woke.
They were always sharing beds now.
It was grueling work, but she was cut out for it like they had said. And she was helping . Their solved case rate had grown faster.
She saw things in ways the others didn’t, in ways JJ had almost forgotten how to.
“Tea?” JJ asked as she set the familiar lavender brew in front of Elle.
“I guess it’s too late for coffee?”
“If only you had asked twenty minutes earlier.”
“Darn.”
“You shouldn’t drink it so much, your heart is too sensitive.”
“Everything about me is too sensitive to you,” Elle said through a grin.
“There’s nothing wrong with nurturing the parts of you I love.”
Elle raised the tea to her lips, noticing the strangely bashful tilt of JJ’s head, the graceful fall of her sunlight hair over her shoulders, the gentle pink of her cheeks against the bright blue of her eyes.
“I can’t imagine how beautiful you’d look with your wings”
JJ looked up, surprised at Elle’s comment. Suddenly, the pink of her cheeks was a whole lot brighter.
“You’ll get to see them one day.”
There was no assigned length to an angel's time on Earth. It was said that they would know the moment it was finished, that they would feel when it was time to go with ease.
Every time JJ looked at Elle, she couldn’t help but feel like she was looking at both her exit and her future.
“You’re really pretty, JJ.”
“So are you.”
“I didn’t want a compliment, I just wanted to make sure you remembered.”
Her eyes were brilliant, without the hint of a lie.
“I’m getting forgetful these days. You’ll have to start writing it on sticky notes.”
Elle’s fingers reached for the hotel's notepad.
-
“Will you braid my hair?”
Elle’s skin was still glistening from the heat of the shower, hair a damp mess that would curl wildly overnight if she didn’t do something about it.
JJ agreed, noticing the tightness in Elle’s smile as she walked closer to her.
“What is it?”
“Maybe you could braid it after you put some cold water on my back, if it’s not too much.”
JJ’s fingers, gentle on her wrist, leading her into the bathroom, gentler still as they tugged her shirt over her head.
“You don’t even have to ask.”
-
“I think we’ll be okay.” Elle said, and she wasn’t lying. Not like the rest of them
Not like how Hotch lied about his impending divorce, how Penelope lied about not going home alone and Derek lied about being alright.
Their thirteenth case.
“I like the number,” Elle had shrugged when JJ told her of the human superstition, “Lets not set ourselves up to be unlucky.”
It was grueling. They were limping through it, only able to get back up the next morning because they clung to each other in the night. The space that had existed between them grew smaller and smaller with each case, and now, it was no longer necessary.
“I think so too,” JJ replied after a moment of silence, reaching through the darkness to brush Elle’s hair from her face.
“Are the long ones always this bad?”
It wasn’t the length; it was the acceleration, and the guilt that breathed with each new discovered body.
The guilt that threatened to suffocate them all.
“No, not normally. I’m just glad I’ve got you to get me through this one.”
“Let’s go get some waffles and look at the stars.”
“Pancakes,” JJ corrected, already getting out of bed.
Neither of them had been sleeping well anyways.
-
They didn’t tell JJ they were sending Elle off on her own to do a custodial.
She left with the sunset, too nervous to tell JJ and ultimately deciding she’d be better off knowing after the fact. Currently, her nerves were down, the train threatening to lull her to sleep despite the files she had to read.
JJ however was all nerves, trying to swallow her panic when Hotch told her why Elle was gone.
How far they had flown her, how a train carried her further still.
“You should have told me.”
Her lips were a hard line, knuckles white and hidden behind her back.
“I make the call if she’s ready.”
“And you couldn’t have asked for my opinion? None of you even understand this!”
“Jennifer…” He interrupted, unused to seeing her in such a state. She was always cool, collected. She was the one they hadn’t had to worry about adjusting.
Of course, they just weren’t looking. They never looked.
“You don’t understand what this is like for us!”
“I’ve seen her performance on cases. The quality of files. She’s already apprehended an unsub on her own.”
JJ’s eyes narrowed. Elle had done it, but there were tears and nightmares after, all because Hotch had sent her into what had been an obvious trap.
They were always confusing the word angel with invincible.
But they bled the same, their backs were proof enough. The screams, the tears, the sheer amount of lavender tea they forced themselves to swallow to pretend to feel better.
They were the farthest thing from invincible.
“You should have checked with me.” JJ cooled, shifting into the angel they knew to expect. The angel who would lift soldiers from fields of battle. The angel forced to wield a gun in the absence of battlefields and be fine.
“I don’t care, as long as she’s okay.”
“She’ll be fine, JJ.”
-
Elle was not fine.
The gun slammed across her face was a shock, rough hands forcing her own into cuffs, trapping her to watch as the security guard bled out next to her.
The kind man who had knelt next to her to explain the train's rough halt, who had seen a friend in her without even looking too hard.
It was funny, when you were constantly imagining yourself as the savior, you never stopped to picture yourself being someone who needed saving.
She didn’t have an answer for who would save her if the time came.
Hopefully not JJ, god, not JJ. Let her stay far, far away.
But JJ was there. It took hours before her gentle face peeked its way around the doors of the train. Elle’s wrists were rubbed raw and she could feel the blood soaking through her shirt, thankful the train seat hid the extent to which she had aggravated her back.
“JJ.”
It was both a prayer and a lament; though her voice was too soft to be heard.
JJ saw the true panic in Bryar as he begged her to remove whatever the ‘higher power’ had placed in his arm. His delusion was true, even if it was not factual. There was no lie in his eyes.
She saw his fear; but she had equally seen Elle’s. The wide, unfiltered terror in her eyes as he swung the gun around, as she pulled and scrambled and stared down the barrel.
And that made him almost irrelevant.
The chip was tucked between her fingers. She had always been a fast learner, and Reid’s first fumbling of the magic trick had her begging him to teach her.
Bryar believed there was a chip buried in his arm, so JJ would give him one.
“That agent over there, I think she’s one of them angels.”
JJ fought to keep her face passive as she ran an antiseptic wipe over his scarred skin.
“You’ve heard the rumors about them, haven’t you? That the government is using them.”
“I can’t say I have.”
“It’s how gold her eyes are.”
“I don't know who she is,” JJ said while making a careful cut in his arm, all the while fighting an urge to look over at Elle and make sure she was okay.
He had cut her cheek, that much JJ knew. And that was enough to have her guard up.
The chip appeared between her fingers, coated in blood.
“There.”
It wasn’t enough to absolve him from the fear.
One moment, he was directing her to stay on the train, the next, gunfire was exploding through the windows.
As the smoke cleared, JJ was running blindly to Elle, the only thing she could bring herself to focus on.
“Hey pretty girl.” Her hand cupped Elle’s cheek, directing her gaze away from Bryar and his wounds. “Let’s get you out of here.”
To her relief, Elle grinned.
“I thought you didn’t like nicknames.”
JJ worked quickly, and Elle rubbed at her wrists once they were freed, gratefully accepting JJ’s offered blazer. It covered the worst of her back, which she and JJ could fix up later.
“Greenaway, you alright?”
Elle did not have JJ’s gift, but she could see in his eyes how desperately he needed her answer to be yes as she nodded her head. An absolution from guilt for telling her to go. An absolution from blame.
But JJ saw the gentle tremble of her shoulders, the dried blood on her cheeks and the distant haze in her eyes which were normally so clear.
“She’s scared! She’s allowed to be scared!” JJ’s voice was shrill, hot instead of cool.
“It’s okay, JJ.”
Elle’s fingers wrapped around her own, the gentle squeeze reminding her to breathe.
She had been scared too, since the moment she saw Elle’s face in the live footage.
“It is now,” JJ replied. Elle was shaken, but she was here. “As long as you’re here, it’ll be okay.”
-
"It's useless." Elle mumbled, dropping her head against her knees, hands falling defeatedly into the ring of flowers that now surrounded her.
After they had tended to the worst of Elle’s injuries, they had driven to their stargazing spot, in need of fresh air and beauty.
And beauty Elle could provide.
A whole sunset of colors had splayed from her fingers and left JJ mesmerized, yet all Elle could find in the flowers was a sudden stream of tears.
"What are you talking about?" JJ knelt next to Elle, careful to stay on the outer edge of the flower ring. "I think they're lovely."
"But they're useless." Elle replied, voice barely audible. "They won't help anything. They didn’t help today.”
Elle brushed a tear from her cheek, feeling all at once like a child and infinitely far from the girl who had laughed as she threw flowers from her fingertips. The wounds along her back seemed to throb with the action, reminding her of just how far the gap between her and that girl had grown.
"They're not useless." JJ reached for Elle’s hand, running careful fingers along the lines of her palm once Elle gave it to her."Why would something so beautiful ever be useless?" The fingers of her free hand dipped to run across the flowers that separated them.
"It's useless for the field! Flowers don't do anything to stop men from doing their worst."
"This job, Elle, it doesn't have to be all you are.”
“They’d never agree.”
“There is so much more to you than this job.”
For JJ, there had never been a choice for a path to take. Her gift doomed her to helping humans rather than the dead. After all, lies were useless to restless souls. They were brutally honest.
Yet for Elle, there were many paths she could have taken - too many - And JJ couldn't decide whether the fact Elle had a choice made her subsequent decision better or worse.
"I want to feel useful, I want to be useful, and I…I'm not."
As badly as she wanted to, JJ couldn't find a lie in her eyes.
“You really believe that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“God, Elle.” JJ almost laughed at the absurdity. “You really don’t see it?”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to see.”
“How amazing what you’ve done is. You wouldn’t still be here after all these cases if you weren’t one of the most useful agents we’ve got.”
“But I get so scared-”
“So do I. So does everyone. It doesn’t make you useless, it just makes you so incredibly brave.”
Elle gulped, nearly jumping in surprise when JJ’s forehead rested against her own.
“And I love how brave you are.”
JJ’s lips were on her own, and Elle didn’t know what to do but kiss her back. As JJ’s hands cupped her cheeks, she came to the startling realization that she was liquid in her hands. That she had been all along.
It wasn’t so difficult anymore, It wasn’t so scary.
Her hands dug into the grass and Flowers sprung up everywhere because they could. Because beauty was everywhere, even in so many ugly things.
A startled (though pleasant, if you were asking JJ) gasp slipped through Elle’s lips as JJ pushed her back into the growing ring of flowers, petals flying up around them.
“Sorry,” JJ apologized when they finally pulled away for air, “But you can grow some new ones.”
“Later. Definitely later.”
Elle looped her arms around JJ’s neck and kissed her again.
-
They were living together by the end of their twentieth case.
It was a silent agreement, one they didn’t need to vocalize. Their closets blended together naturally, and neither of them could sleep so well alone anymore.
The perfect apartment going up for sale was simply fate.
JJ’s fingers ran across the curve of Elle’s collar bone, Elle’s arm firmly wrapped around her waist. They didn’t bother so much with clothes when they were sleeping anymore. It did wonders for their backs to let the wounds breathe.
Besides, there was always someone around to help with bandages when they needed them.
“Are you okay?” JJ questioned.
The most recent case had been grueling enough their bags were still packed in the living room.
“Are you?” Elle replied.
“Come closer,” JJ said instead.
Elle rested her forehead against JJ’s.
It was nothing new, really. Having to be okay all the time. Having to look at the photos, the crime scenes, and bear no reaction. Being sent into the field situations first as if the fact they once had wings made them invincible.
And maybe for some it did, but not for the girl of flowers and the girl of truths.
Nothing new.
Their hands entwined, and their legs followed suit, and JJ was pretty sure she could see strands of Elle’s hair brushing against her own in her peripheral.
“JJ?” Elle began after a stretch of silence, her lips half brushing against JJ’s as she spoke, "how do we live in a world that teaches us we always come last?"
“We teach each other that it’s not true.”
-
“ For truly we are all angels temporarily hiding as humans.”
Brian Weiss