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Chapter Text

To Lovi and Alyssa;

You have beautiful souls. Keep them.

Thank you.

Chapter Text

Chan Yeol,

We both know I want this more than anything else in the world.

I want this; I want this day to come, I want these crazy little kids running along the hotel's corridors, I want these old people nagging me about the champagne, I want the stress, the lack of sleep, the parties.

Most of all, I want you down the hall, in your own hotel room waiting for me to say 'I do'.

I want you... and I would forever want you.

But I look into your eyes this morning and I don't know if you really want me the same way I want you. I don't think you wanted this all along. I don't think you really need me in your life at all. 

We have always been different in so many ways and maybe those differences tore us apart piece by piece as time went by. I don't want to drag you into the world you would never want to live in. I don't want to make the rest of your life miserable because you chose me over everything else.

You always wanted so much more, love. I'm sorry if I was never enough for that. And I'm sorry for realizing everything just now.

I'm sorry. I love you... and I'm really, really sorry but I can't do this.

Good bye, Yeol.

- Baek Hyun

Chapter Text

And then again, everything... every single stab that killed my heart came coming back in hard, painful waves of memories. All I did was look down and let a single teardrop fall from my eye.

"I want you back..."

"Chanyeol... you're holding my soul back..."

I am. And I don't think I would ever want to let him go again. 

Chapter Text

As expected, the ride to wherever my sister is taking me is quiet. She didn't even bother turning on the stereo for our mutual benefit. She tapped on the steering wheel, her brows furrowed in concentration.

It's the day after my birthday and the city is covered with Christmas decors in varying colors. The weather's already cold but the snow isn't coming yet until December. I hope I could leave this place before the first snowflake reach the Earth. Not snow. Or ice. Not again.

We passed a certain coffee shop and I flinched.

"I'm sorry." Dara spoke from the driver's side. "I forgot we'll pass that--"

"It's fine," I mumbled, burying myself on the shotgun seat of her car. "I'm just tired." But then that's a lie. I just can't bear looking at familiar places anymore. Or even go and visit them.

She threw me a quick glance. "Chanyeol, you might as well shave before you face that therapist." she stopped for a spotlight and grabbed a pack from a compartment. "Here. I bought that yesterday." She placed the pack on my lap but I ignored it.

I rolled my eyes and traced the stubble that's beginning to cover the side of my jaw. "Dara, I am fine." I said firmly. "You don't have to take care of me."

"We both know you're never fine, Yeol." she hissed. "You celebrated your birthday alone, you won't answer Mom and Dad's calls, you don't leave your apartment, you're not allowing me to introduce you to some new friends--"

I threw her a glare. "So you think a random hook up could help me? Or a therapist?"

Slowly, she reached for my arm. "Chan, I'm just trying to help you," she whispered. "You need to open up to someone... You need to talk to someone about your feelings..."

"Well, I only want to open up to one person," I said through gritted teeth. "And that someone is gone, Dara. When will you guys get that?"

Her eyes flashed the most pain for once and I looked back at the windows just as the stoplight turned green. We sped pass different buildings and different people going on with their lives.

How could I be here? How I could be trapped here unlike them?

I could be that guy, laughing while talking to the phone. I could be that teenager walking down the street with his headphones on. I could be anyone but this red-haired guy who got left during his own wedding and the only person he ever loved died running away from him.

I could be anyone but myself. Damn it.

"Chanyeol, please just... do this for me," my sister suddenly said, breaking yet another silence. "If you go on this two-hour session, I'll leave you alone. I'll stop trying to fix everything. Just please..."

I gestured to myself. "That's why I'm here."

The therapist is a young, kind-looking guy named Kim Jun-myeon. He's older than me but doesn't appear intimidating or what. He led me to his study, a small room with carpeted walls and floor, and let me sit on a very comfortable leather chair.

Jun-myeon sat across from me, a safe two meter distance away. "Mr. Park Chanyeol," he smiled, glancing at the clipboard he's holding. "Your sister says... you need help?"

"They believe I need help." I said, sighing. "But I don't think they're right."

"How is that?" the therapist asked, smiling still. But by the looks of it, he's studying me so closely, writing some things on the paper he's holding. Probably noting the things totally wrong with me.

I totally believe consulting a therapist is nuts. But my sister's waiting for me outside and I don't think I could ever escape her hawk-like guard.

"I'm not killing myself. I didn't try to jump on the top of a building or break my head on the floor or torture myself with blades." I sat back on the chair, trying to relax. "I'm completely fine. I don't need this session with you."

Jun-myeon smiled tightly and he leaned unto one arm. "Your fiance died." he said in a low, consoling voice.

My jaw clenched and I felt my hand tighten around the sofa. "Yes," I whispered. "He did."

He nods. "Mind telling me about him first?"

Honestly, I don't know how talking about my late fiance would ever solve this 'problem' my friends and family are talking about. But for some reason, talking about him again, like he's still alive and breathing and waiting for me, suddenly draped a confusing sense of comfort on me.

I let my gaze drop on the floor. "His name's Byun Baekhyun." I started and even saying his name make my heart pound furiously. "He's a preschool teacher and I met him at a coffee shop, BitterSweet. It's the one we passed on our way here. I saw him reading an English novel while sipping from his own cup of cafe mocha."

"So Baekhyun likes coffee?" Jun-myeon smiled.

"Yeah," I said and let my lips form into a small smile, but even smiling hurts now. "He says teaching small, unruly students really require more than two shots. I talked to him that day because he's sitting on my favorite spot on that cafe. The shop was packed with people and he wasn't sitting with anyone... so I approached him and we started to talk."

"He might be really good-looking." he mused.

"He's... gorgeous." I whispered, finding myself back to the memory of meeting his wide, brown eyes that would always make his expressions and thoughts readable. The way his lips twisted into a smile that reaches the sides of his eyes. And the very first time he said the simplest, most joyful 'Hello!' I ever heard.

Another question pierced my ears. "What's his personality?"

For once, I tried to think of something negative. Something that would probably make me hate myself less... something that would make me feel less guilty.

"Baekhyun's just really happy about everything," I murmured, still looking at the floor. "He would meet a girl trying to flirt with me and he would befriend her until she would be the one to shy away because my boyfriend's too kind. He's understanding, too. He understands everything about us. He doesn't demand things he knows I could never give him."

"You're a photographer?" Jun-myeon asked and I nodded.

"I'm a travel photographer." I said. "I travel to places and stay there for a few days or weeks. I'm working for a travel magazine, that's why."

"Seems like a teacher and a photographer isn't a usual match." he pointed out.

I touched the back of my neck, forcing myself to stay calm. "We tried to work things out between us," I murmured. "Baekhyun was so... cool about everything. He doesn't complain if I don't attend an activity in their school. He wouldn't get mad if I extend a trip, causing a major change in our own schedule as a couple. But... he would always be there when I needed him. Always."

Slowly, I shook my head, pursing my lips to keep myself from saying words that could lead me to a breakdown. "I was about to marry the perfect guy, Jun-myeon." I whispered. "And I let him go."

"He was a keeper, yes." Jun-myeon said. "But sometimes, some things are just not meant for each other. No matter how perfect we think they are."

I nodded, but half of me doesn't want to agree. "That's what I started to tell myself after his car slipped on the ice and fall into a cliff," I said in a controlled voice. "He had given me more than two chances to make everything right between the two of us. Maybe... I really deserve to never be okay again."

"Chanyeol---"

But I'm already on my feet, grabbing my coat from a rack. Jun-myeon tried to stop me but I continued on my way, opening the door to find my sister reading a magazine on a couch. She looked up when the door shut behind me.

"I'm leaving," I announced, turning away from her and walking down the corridors of the building. Maybe I could grab a cab and just move away from here. Maybe keep myself inside my apartment, watching movies I already watched before.

Within seconds, I felt Dara's hand grab my arm. "Chanyeol!" she hissed. "You listen to me!"

"Just leave me alone." I murmured, shrugging her hand away. " I just want to be alone... Please."

"You're alone for a fcking long time already, Chan!" she shouted, pulling me so I could look at her. "Baekhyun's gone for two years! Two whole fcking years! Please! Move on! Stop mourning over him!"

"How could I stop?!" I shouted back, glaring down at her. "He left because of me, Dara! He died because he knew I would never have the guts to choose him over myself! He died because of me and my stupid decisions! He died because I didn't love him enough! I deserve this, okay?! I deserve all of this!"

My heart was pounding heavily inside my chest and when I looked down, I felt tears. It was always the same pain... the same old pain brought by that day two years ago.

And I never knew such pain could be this lethal.

"I deserve to be dead inside..." I whispered just as the tears started to fall. "I killed him. I killed the one who loved me more than anything else. I let him die, Dara... And now I'm suffering and I know I deserve it."

Gently, my sister pulled me into a hug.

But somehow, no such comfort could fill the deep, dark hollow Byun Baekhyun left.

Chapter Text

Having your brother-in-law as your boss has its pros and cons.

"Look, Chanyeol, this article we'll be working on would be really, really great." Ji-yong said, winking. "And besides it'll take little time to accomplish."

Okay. That's one of the pros. I could always get the easiest job if I want or need to. It's just that, before Baekhyun was gone, I would always settle with the hardest jobs, wanting to prove my worth.

I know I should have taken advantage of the pros. That I know now.

"And also..." Ji-yong trailed off, and I knew he's giving me the 'sorry didn't mean it' look. "Your sister told me you need this. And this particular job at that matter."

And that's one of the cons. Professionalism could be really ignored.

I sighed and shifted on one of Ji-yong's office couches. "Okay... So what exactly do you want me to do?" Even though I don't really like taking any job for now, part of me knows Dara won't stop trying to be of any 'help'.

Kwon Ji-yong leaned unto his folded arms. "Well, one of my writers, Seo Ju-hyun, suggested a rather interesting topic for an article," he explained. "It's about infamous spots here in Seoul that are worth visiting."

"Woah, woah," I raised both palms in disbelief. "First, you want me to work with Ju-hyun? You know that girl likes me and she hates Baek." I shook my head. "No. I'm not taking the job if she's writing the article."

"But, Chan---"

"And second," I narrowed my brows. "You want me to walk around Seoul in the middle of winter? I can't believe you, guys! My sister talked you to this, didn't she?"

Ji-yong pursed his lips, guilty. "My wife could be really... persuasive."

I can't help but sigh. "I know where you're getting at," I started, my voice low and tired. "You want me to somehow give Ms. Seo a chance. And you want me to stop hating winter." I raised my brows at Ji-yong, waiting for the answer I already know.

"Well..." he trailed off. "You can... You can say that."

"And that's it," I stood up, grabbing my coat from the couch. "I'm out of here."

With that, Ji-yong went to his feet in an instant. "Okay. Wait up, Chanyeol!" he called before I even got the chance to grab the door handle. "How about changes? I'll make changes."

Slowly, I looked back at him. "I'm listening."

"I can't do anything about winter," Ji-yong said, exasperated. "It's the first week of December. We can't wait for Spring before working on the article. We both know Seoul is the most beautiful during winter." Then he noticed my expression. "At least, for some... or most."

And that I have to give him. I have to.

But... "I can't hear any changes," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, fine!" he exclaimed. "Here's the deal: You show us pictures of random spots and places, Ji-hyun will make an article out of the shots. Write the location behind the pictures and you and Ji-hyun won't have to talk."

I gave him a shrug. "Seems fine to me."

"Then... are you taking the job?" Ji-yong's eyes are expectant. "Please tell me you're taking it."

"Yes, sir." I muttered, grabbing the door handle. "I'm taking the job."

When I stepped out of the Horizon Publishing building, the sky is starting to cloud. Soon enough, snow would be covering the pavements and the road, making everything displeasing for me all over again. The cold. The ice. They're all not worth any of my like or attention.

I walked fast towards my car, almost making a mental note of picking Baekhyun from the school he's working in.

"Geez, Park," I murmured to myself as I turned the heater up, pulling out of the parking area in a matter of seconds.

Sometimes, I hate doing this to myself. I hate that I decided to tie myself to the past; I hate that I decided never to forget everything; I hate that I can't bear to move on and just get over my fiance's death.

I hate that I often pretend that Byun Baekhyun is still here.

But what I hate most is the fact that doing these stupid things is what keeps me alive right now. They keep me going. The past keeps me here, in this very car, driving.

It keeps me from breaking apart.

"Excuse me. I'm really very sorry to interrupt..."

He looks up, eyes wide. "Oh, hello!" he seemed surprised. "Yes, mister?"

I cocked my head to the direction of the empty chair. "Is that seat taken?" I asked. "I can't seem to find myself a seat. Cafe's kind of buzzing with people today."

His brown orbs danced with amusement. "Nope. Seat's not taken." he grins. "Please feel free to occupy it."

Sighing, I went to seat on the chair. "Thank you so much," I murmured, turning my gaze to the glass wall beside us. This is what makes sitting on this very booth great. You see a lot of the world outside. You wouldn't feel trapped in a small cafe made of wood and marble. It's an escape. Even if it's not real.

The brown-haired guy in front of me continued reading his book. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. I frowned because it's kind of odd to see someone reading an English novel now and not the translated version.

But ignoring the oddness, I focused on his face instead.

The stranger has pink, plump lips with tiny smudges of the coffee he's drinking, perfect nose, flushed and flawless cheeks, small, bright eyes that folds into crescents whenever he smiles.

It might have been the light or the atmosphere but he looks really, really good. And I don't mean the slutty-looking kind you could call dibs on for a one night stand. It's a kind, stunning look. He's simply beautiful. I'm staring at a beautiful guy right now. I can't believe my luck.

Suddenly, he looks up, catching my gaze.

"Is... is there a problem, mister?"

Grabbing the magazine I took from a rack a while ago, I shook my head and looked away. "N-none." I said. "Nothing's the problem."

I started to flip through the magazine. It's a travel magazine from the Horizon Publishing. I even got a small photo of me on the cover because some of the exclusive photos used are mine. I would like to check them out while drinking my favorite coffee.

As I am halfway through an article about the greatest sand destinations, the stranger spoke.

"You're on the cover, aren't you?" he suddenly asked, making me look up at him in confusion. "Or... he's your twin or something?"

Frowning, I glanced at the cover and saw myself. "Oh. That."

"It's really you..." he trailed off, staring at my face for the first time in minutes. "Are you a writer or what?"

For a second, I felt quite insulted that he doesn't know me. I am a famous travel photographer! How come some South Korean doesn't know me? This is insane.

"I'm a travel photographer," I said. "I work for some travel magazines."

The stranger stares at me in awe. "Wow. And to be working for the Horizon Pub. You must be really, really good." He grins, showing a really cute kind of eye-smile.

But 'really, really good'? I don't think that even covers it. Hell. What's with this guy?

I cleared my throat, sitting more upright. "Park Chanyeol," I offered a hand.

"Oh," he started, taken aback by the gesture. "Byun Baekhyun." We shook hands and I noticed immediately how soft his hand is. When we withdrew from the handshake, Byun Baekhyun is still gazing at my face like I'm some exotic creature.

"You know, Mr. Chanyeol, I always dreamed about taking good picture of places," he started. "I can't believe I'm sitting with a photographer now. And a very famous one at that."

"What do you do for a living, by the way?" I asked, just curious.

Baekhyun blushed a pretty shade of pink. "I'm a preschool teacher," he answered. "I teach at this art school a few blocks from here. Musical instruments, songs, things like that. I've always dreamed of donating some new instruments for the kids every two years because they really need new ones. Guitars... violins... pianos..."

"Piano?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "But they're all quite expensive. Um, do you know how to play the piano?"

With that, I have to nod. "Piano, guitar, drums. Hobbies."

"Oh, wow." Baekhyun grins. "I can therefore conclude, Mr. Park Chanyeol, that you're multi-talented."

I chuckled and for once, I felt the ice breaking.

"Thank you," Then I mocked a slight bow. "I tried really, really hard."

Baekhyun pouts slightly. "You're lucky you've got the perfect hobby," he mutters. "You know, I've been trying in vain to make my Instagram account worth a visit. But seems like photography isn't the perfect hobby for me."

I took a shot, long as it might. "Mind if I look?" I grabbed my phone, tapping on the Instagram icon.

"Of course I would mind!" he exclaimed. "Don't do it! Just don't! That'll be really, really embarrassing."

"Oh, really," I muttered, typing 'Byun Baekhyun' on the search tab. Random accounts appeared and I tapped on the first name. "That wasn't hard." I smirked as I found his account.

Baekhyun gasped. "Oh my god, you son of a devil." And when he tried to reach for my phone, I grabbed his wrist, keeping him in place. He gritted his teeth. "No! Don't even dare---"

"You don't take bad pictures, Byun Baek." I whispered, frowning. "In fact, you're pretty good."

Groaning, he reached with his other hand, luckily taking my phone off my grasp. "I told you not to look," he hissed. "You're really mean." Then he started tapping on my phone's screen, probably blocking himself or whatever.

"Sometimes the angle is bad or the lighting," I explained. "Things we could work on."

With a start, Baekhyun met my eyes. "You said 'we'?"

"Well," I started, shrugging. "I could give you lessons if you want."

Baekhyun bit his lip. "I don't have the money, Mr. Famous." he mutters. "Ah! Forget it. Here's your phone." then he placed it on the table between us before retreating on his chair in an embarrassed state. His cheeks are flushed.

Oh my god. He's gorgeous.

"How about one cup of cappuccino every Sunday at this very cafe?" I raised a brow. "Nine in the morning?"

"You're bluffing..." He pouts.

"Or am I?"

Baekhyun glares. "You're a very mean person." he murmurs. "I'm pretty sure you just find me amusing that's why you're doing this."

"Nope," I shook my head. "I find you really cute that's why I'm doing this."

He gaped. "B-but---"

"See you on Sunday, Byun Baek." Then I stood up, giving him a slight bow before walking out of the cafe. And since then, I have to work really hard to keep myself from smirking whenever I remember him.

He showed up that Sunday.

And that Sunday started everything.

I drove pass the school gates, earning a wave from the security guard. On the backseat of my car are new musical instruments for the kids. I only need to talk to the principal to help me disseminate them.

For another one long second, I am hoping Baekhyun is here.

"These are for you, baby," I whispered. "I'm making another of your dreams come true."

Chapter Text

It's snowing. The first snow just hit the South Korean ground.

As I walked out of my apartment building, I took another glance at the old, worn out paper from the inside pocket of my coat. I'm starting to shiver from the cold and almost ran back inside to fetch another sweatshirt.

When I said the past keeps me going, I wasn't a bit lying.

I pulled a pen from my pocket and drew a rather crooked line over 'new instruments for the kids'. "That's done," I muttered to myself, running my gaze over the list of things Baekhyun wants to do before he reaches 80 years old.

I know this is absurd considering he's dead for almost two years already. His second death anniversary would be the week after next week. But I just can't throw away all his dreams in life... I just can't throw him away.

Not like that. Never again.

I walked down the pavement and to the parking lot, finding my car. Because the first snow is hitting SoKor, it'll be a really good day to take pictures of spots. At least I won't be dealing with ice covered benches and curbs or too dry and unlovely places. Thin snow is sometimes good for photography.

As I shoved the list into my pocket rather clumsily, Do Kyungsoo, Baekhyun's friend came into view. He's sipping from a cup of coffee as he walked over his car. We live at the same apartment building and that's how my fiance and him became really close; they used to do movie night outs at Kyungsoo's apartment. They also teach at the same school but they never got the chance to bond until my fiance moved in with me.

"Good morning, Soo." I called as I placed my bag of different cameras and lenses on the shotgun seat. Kyungsoo is a car away from me and he gave me a wave, grinning.

"Good morning, Mr. Park," he greeted. "How ya doing?"

I walked over to the driver's side. "I'm going for a job." I answered. "It's the first snow so..."

"Well good luck on that," he said. "And by the way, thank you for the instruments. I know you want Baekhyun's name as the one who donated them but... thank you, really. What you're doing really means a lot."

Rolling my eyes, I waved him off. "Really Soo, that was nothing." I said and I'm not kidding. Buying expensive musical instruments doesn't damage my bank account a bit. And that was for Baek. Me going bankrupt wouldn't matter if it's for him.

Kyungsoo gave a small smile. "I'm not thanking you just for the instruments, Mr. Park," he said. "Thank you for whatever you're doing for my friend. You know where he came from so... this really means a lot."

With that, I have to purse my lips and nod.

But we both know the downside of these things I am doing.

I'm too late. I'm too late for everything.

"If only he's here to witness all of these," I whispered, turning away and getting inside my car. Kyungsoo drove away after a minute, honking once as a good bye. I didn't bother returning the gesture as I slumped back on the seat, breathing heavily.

"I grew up in China, together with my grandparents." Baekhyun murmurs as we stared at the expanse of the city in front of us. "My parents were separated. My father's in England and mother killed herself when she found out my Dad's cheating on her."

I clutched the canned soda between my grip just to keep myself from wrapping an arm around him. "That's..." I sighed. "I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry."

Baekhyun surprised me by grinning. "You don't have to say anything." he said, throwing me a glance. "It's just nice to finally let that out, you know. Not many people love listening to other people's dramas."

We're sitting on a cemented fence, separating the edge of a cliff from the wide view of Seoul. It was breathtaking. Everything is just so beautiful and I know Baekhyun would love taking pictures here. But after a couple of lessons about lighting, we settled on the low fence, sharing stories.

"If you grew up in China, then why are you here?" I can't help asking.

With that, Baekhyun took an intake of breath. "My grandparents died two years ago and Dad never called. I think he finally decided to you know, shut me out." he said. "I was on my own since then. And since I'm a full Korean, I decided to just go here and start a new life with the money my grandparents left me."

The story left me a full moment to just stare at him. I can't believe such person with soft, kind features could be this strong. He's basically an orphan. He's alone most of his life. How come he could still smile so big? Or laugh so loud?

"You're amazing," I muttered and Baekhyun looked at me, surprised.

"Come again?"

I grinned, shaking my head. "You're amazing, Byun Baek."

Laughing, Baekhyun punched my arm lightly. "Why, thank you, Mr. Famous." He giggles. "But you know the good side of being alone?"

I can't help but raise my brows. "There's a good side?"

"Of course!" he exclaimed. "There's a good side in everything no matter how bad we think it is."

"Okay. So what's the good side?"  I challenged.

"Well, I think one of the good sides is that, I have the chance to meet new people," he smiles. "People who might actually stay. Who won't shut me out again." He gazed at the city and for a second, I thought something sad and dark crossed his eyes. This person might be really, really lonely inside.

I threw the canned soda beside our feet. "I won't shut you out." I whispered. "I don't think I could do that."

Baekhyun grins. "I think I just found a new friend, then."

"I guess you just did."  I winked.

"See," Baekhyun said happily. "There's a good side in every single thing."

I gripped the steering wheel.

"So, tell me now, Byun Baek." I muttered as I started the car. "Where's the good side in losing you?"

It was almost sunset when I arrived at my apartment. I'm still freezing from the cold and if I will give my body much thought, I might conclude I'll have a cold the very first hour tomorrow.

I took good picture of parks, dating benches, public ice skating rings, picnic spots, lakes, and many more possible beautiful spots for tourist. They might think those infamous places could be a bummer but sometimes, big things aren't that beautiful. Sometimes, we must go less and appreciate the little things.

I walked fast towards the heater and hitched it higher. I never knew hating snow so bad would make me less immune to its cold. Ugh. This Winter sucks. Every Winter sucks. No matter how Baekhyun loved Winter, losing him during this season of the year left me nothing but the bad memory in it.

"Damn it, Winter," I hissed as I removed my coat. "You selfish, bastard."

Groaning, I threw the coat on the couch rather forcefully.

"OUCH!"

I froze. "W-who's that?"

I looked around the room, immediately walking and checking at every place a burglar might hide; behind the curtains, under the table, at the comfort room, my room, the studio, under the couch. Okay. Under the couch was not a hiding place. The gap is three inches high.

But I swear I heard something!

With a hand on my hip, I scanned the room. "Damn it." I hissed. "Who's that?"

"You can hear me?"

"OH MY GOD!" I jumped, almost stumbling and tripping on my own foot. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" When I took another step back, my foot caught up with a worn out throw pillow that's lying on the carpet, making me fall on my back. I yelped but wasn't able to break my fall.

I heard a grunt. "I--- I can't---!"

Panting from nervousness, I sat up and my eyes fell to my coat. It's moving.

"No no no..." I breathed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. This is just a dream. No. No one's talking. My coat's not moving. I'm just being delusional. I'm just dreaming. Everything's---

"Help!"

"What the---!"

A small bump on the coat is moving, crawling towards the hem. For a second I'm thinking it's a mouse or cockroach. But do they talk?! Can they say 'Help!' or 'OUCH!'? I clutched my head. Okay. Maybe I'm losing it. Maybe my sister's right. I need a therapist.

"Almost... there..." someone whispered and I swear to all the gods the tiny, high-pitched voice is coming from the small bump on my coat. I AM LOSING IT! I'M CRAZY!

Slowly, I crawled from my spot, advancing towards the couch. The bump is almost at the end and I want to be ready when it appears. I raised a hand, ready to kill whatever insect it is hiding under my coat. And to think it is right there all this time? I can't even... I don't even want to think about it.

Suddenly, a small hand appeared.

"W-what the---"

Then another.

I can't help but lean closer. What is this insect?!

"Ah!" the creature yelped, finally pulling itself out under my coat. It dropped on its face, breathing heavily in tiredness. And oh my god. It's... a guy. A really, really small guy. He's about five inches in height and his whole body is glowing with a different kind of light. He's wearing weird looking white clothes.

WHAT IS THIS?! WHO IS THIS THING?!

Slowly, the small whatever-it-is creature rolled on his back. And that's when every word left me.

He looks like... Byun Baekhyun. Every bit of him.

Our gazes locked for a while before he looked towards the window and into the sunset. "Oh no," he breathed. "Give me your coat!"

I was frozen. "W-what---"

"Give it to me!" he shrieked. "Cover me with it!"

"What?!" I can't believe I'm talking to a... a... whatever-it-is. "You almost died getting out of that and you want me to cover you again with it?!"

The small creature glared at me. "Just do it!" then he threw the sunset another nervous glance. The sun is almost gone, leaving the city in the darkness of the night.

With trembling hands, I grabbed my coat and threw it over the mini version of my fiance. Breathing heavily, I moved back. Am I dreaming? Did I hit my head? I'm perfectly sure I'm not into drugs. Am I crazy? Am I seeing things?

For a second, nothing happened.

But when the rays of the sun finally faded into the horizon, the mini Baekhyun isn't 'mini' anymore. He's sitting on my couch, clutching my coat around his naked body. He's a good 5 feet and 9 inches again.

And he's breathtakingly beautiful.

Sighing, he looked up at me, eyes wide.

My heart skipped a beat. "Baek?"

Chapter Text

"Baek?"

The situation tells me one thing: he's a ghost. This is my fiance's ghost appearing to me right now. Probably to visit? Or check on me? Or finally blame me for what happened? Or maybe even kill me like in those horror movies.

I know I should be afraid. I know I should be running out of the door right now, screaming for help. But when Baekhyun's pink lips twisted to a small, sad smile. Every other thought vanished into nothingness. Every other emotion got stomped on by something breaking out of my chest.

My eyes are wide, watching him clutch the coat tighter around his trembling body. For a second, I didn't want to move, afraid that I'm just dreaming; afraid that if I blink or move an inch, he would disappear and never come back again.

But when tears started to fall down my cheeks, Baekhyun's face showed nothing but hurt.

His voice is more than a whisper. "Chanyeol?"

And the next thing I knew, I almost ran towards him, pulling him into the tightest embrace I could give. Baekhyun's body feels ice cold even with the coat he's wearing. His cheek against my neck made my skin almost numb because of the cold. He seems freezing and surreal.

But he's here. I could touch him. I could even smell him.

"God, you're here," I whispered, squeezing him. "Oh my god, Baekhyun. You're really here."

Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around my waist. "I-I'm sorry," he whispered and I felt icy water flow down from his face. "I'm s-sorry I left... I'm sorry, Chanyeol..." He hugged me back really, really tight now and he buried his face to the crook of my neck, as if closing the distance between our bodies could bring his life back. As if all of these could bring us back to two years ago. When Baekhyun started to cry, that's when I can't hold the tears much longer.

"N-no," I sobbed, kissing his hair down to his cheek. "No. Don't say that. I'm sorry, okay? It's all my fault. You left because of me... Y-you... You died because of me." I gently pulled back and wiped Baekhyun's tears away, feeling his cold skin and the tears that feels like snow itself. I hated the coldness in an instant.

My fiance still looks as beautiful and blooming as the first day I met him. His eyes, brown and vibrant and his skin as flawlessly white as ever. When I leaned down to kiss him lightly on the lips, they are still as soft as roses. Everything about him is so familiar. Every memory of him is so fresh, never buried, never forgotten.

When I pulled back, Baekhyun is still crying. He gently touched my face with his fingers like he's afraid he's going to hurt me. "I... I didn't leave because I don't love you anymore," he sobbed, staring into my eyes. "I love you, Chanyeol. I really, really do. But I wanted you to find yourself... I wanted you to do the things you ever wanted---"

"And that's to marry you, Baek," I breathed, wiping his tears. "That's all I ever wanted. I want to have a family with you, I want to wake up to your face every morning, I want to kiss you good night every bedtime. And baby, I found myself the very moment I found you, okay?

"But..." I pursed my lips, fighting off another sob. "B-but I'm sorry if I realized all of those too late. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to take care of you the way I promised. I'm sorry if I didn't love you enough..."

Baekhyun shook his head. "I'm sorry..." he sobbed. "I'm sorry... for so many things than leaving you with nothing. For so many things than this..."

"But you're here now, aren't you?" I whispered, desperate. "You're never leaving again, right?"

With that, Baekhyun looked down, sobbing. He touched his cheek as he tried to wipe his own tears but the sad, dark look that crossed his eyes is something not mistaking. I almost felt the broken pieces of my heart crash to another million pieces. I felt my world tumbling down into yet another mess.

"C-chan..."

"You're... not..." I breathed, shaking my head and pulling away from him. "You're not staying, are you? You're leaving me again... You're just here for something... You're just..." And then I buried my face in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut. All my hopes for a second chance were thrown to a hollow void of nothingness. There's no going back now. Time is a btch. It always is.

For now, I just want everything to stop. I want the world to stop.

I don't want to be here anymore.

Why is the pain this evil?

Slowly, Baekhyun knelt in front of me. "Chanyeol," he whispered, resting a hand on my knee. "I'll never be back the same way you want me... No matter how much I want to be alive again, I couldn't do that now. I'm... I'm gone."

But I refuse to listen anymore. "No." I said, my voice firm. "You're... You're just a figment of my imagination. You're not really here. You're not back. You're not... You're not..." But when I looked into his eyes again, I'm not sure if I wanted this appearance to be a hoax.

I don't want this to be unreal.

Baekhyun reached out to touch my face and I leaned unto his hand, holding it back. "P-please..." I sobbed as I kissed his palm. "P-please don't leave me again, Baek... Please, just d-don't... I almost died, baby. I c-can't do this anymore... I-I want you back."

When he pulled me into his arms again, all I ever wanted was that perfect moment. All I ever wanted was time to freeze, to stop, to just go away and never come back. All I ever wanted was Byun Baekhyun this close to me again. All I ever wanted was... this.

This simple moment in this particular time.

Why is the universe this cruel?

After a full hour of just holding him in my arms, Baekhyun finally convinced me to just calm down first. He's still wearing my coat, buttoned down to keep him decent although I already saw every part of his gorgeous body. I also have the feeling he doesn't feel cold or whatever.

"What do you want to eat?" he murmurs, tilting his head so he could see my face. "I think I could cook if you want..."

Shaking my head, I kissed his cheek instead. "Please tell me... why did you come back? Why are you here?" Honestly, that is a question I don't want to hear the answer to but I know I have to at least know. I have to listen to him.

I have to ask no matter how I dread the answers.

Sighing, Baekhyun slipped his hand to the inside of my coat, withdrawing the old, worn out paper of his wishes. "I didn't actually leave, you know," he murmurs. "I just can't... I just can't make it through."

I shook my head, confused. "I don't understand."

Baekhyun turned to face me. "Look," Then he gently took my hand, placing it on his cheek. "I'm ice cold. I'm not human anymore, Yeol. This is just a part of me left when I died."

"You mean... like a soul?" I asked, frowning.

"Yeah. Something like that." he smiled tightly. "I can't make it through to the 'other side'. Something's pulling me back here. And I guess, this is it." He gestured to the list. "I think I have to finish this." Slowly, he unfolded the paper and I watched him do so. I watched his perfect slender fingers trace the lines and the words he wrote on his planner.

"I'm sorry if I stole your planner," I whispered. "That day... Everything was just so hard..."

Baekhyun looked at me and smiled. "Baby, it's fine," he whispered back. "I'm not mad. I'll never be mad at you." Then he gazed at the paper, smiling to himself. "Much of these, well, seems like you never had the time for me back then, huh?" he teased.

What he said was true. I looked over his shoulder and to his list. Baek obviously tried to remove the large check mark beside the 'watch musical show with Chan' because probably, I canceled at the last hour, telling him I'm still not done with work.

And that's not the only check mark he tried to erase.

Back then, I canceled more than the acceptable number of dates. I canceled more than the acceptable number of events together. I canceled more than the acceptable number of dinners.

Back then, I always asked for second chances. And those second chances were always put to waste.

"I'm sorry," I breathed. "I'm really, really sorry."

Baekhyun grins, touching my face. "Hey, it's okay," he murmurs. "We could do this again, you know? One by one. We could... make things right this time."

"And then what?" I can't help asking. "After finishing this list... what will happen, Baek?"

"Chan..." Baekhyun looked down.

"Tell me." I urged. "Tell me, Byun Baek."

"I leave." he whispered. "For good."

Chapter Text

"I leave. For good."

But I shook my head, clenching my jaw. "No." I said between gritted teeth. "I'm not letting you leave... again." My arms tightened around Baekhyun's waist, pulling him closer. I buried my face to the crook of his neck, hopeful that he would take his words back. Hopeful that this is just another dream I won't wake up from.

How could he ask me such thing? How could he do this to me?

"Chanyeol..." Baekhyun started, his voice gentle. "I love you. I really, really do. You don't know how much I want to stay, to have you hold me like this, to make you happy again."

I never knew I could cry this much but I am. And I don't care a bit.

"Then stay." I sobbed, pressing my lips against his cold neck. "Stay for me, Baek. Just... stay. Don't go. Don't leave me again. Don't kill me again. Don't make me suffer like that again. I love you, okay? I know I didn't love you right before but... please, Baek... Don't do this. Please, baby. No."

Slowly, Baekhyun touched my face. "You'll be fine," he whispered and his body shook with stifled sobs. "You'll be fine, Chanyeol... I know you'll be fine."

With that, I pulled away from him. "How could you say that?!" I hissed, getting on my feet. "How could you fcking say I'm going to be alright, Baek?! You, of all people, should know that I will never be okay again! I will never be okay again since you left and died!"

Baekhyun stayed on the couch, biting his lower lip as he tried not to cry. He hugged himself as if the cold is bothering him. I wanted so bad to protect him from the cold, from fear but not now... not now when he's trying to push me away.

"W-when you left me that day with that letter, everything that happened between us came crashing through my entire being, finally making me realize what a jerk I was." I wiped my tears with the back of my hand but they just won't stop coming. "Baek, I-I know I hurt you so many times before. But I never loved anyone as much as I love you. Until now, I'm still blaming myself and I am willing to take all the blame for forever if it means your life back."

He looked up at me, biting his lower lip. "C-Chanyeol," Baekhyun whispered as he tried to fight all the tears. "You know I-I can't do that. I-I can't be with you again."

I dropped to my knees, taking his hand in mine. "Baekhyun, please..." I sobbed. "Just another chance... Please. Tell the gods to bring you back. Just... come back to me. Please..."

The very moment the words, left my lips, I know begging is a hopeless case. No power on Earth could bring my fiance's life back. No begging. No promises. No words could snatch his soul and shove it back to his body. Nothing could ever change this again. Nothing would ever ease the pain.

Gently, Baekhyun took my face in his hands. He wiped my tears away with that small, sad smile on his beautiful face. "Maybe sometimes, letting go is the right thing to do, Park Chanyeol." he breathed. "Maybe right now, it's the only right thing to do."

I held his hand that's on my cheek. "N-no." I shook my head, sobbing. "I-I can't, Baek."

"Chan, listen to me." Baekhyun said firmly as he brushed my cheek with his thumb. "Some second chances are worth coming back for. You are worth coming back for. I'm here not just for myself but for us... for you."

"For me?" I asked in disbelief. I stood up and stepped back from him until he can't reach me. "How is this for me, Byun Baekhyun? You almost killed me when you died. And you making me feel that again for the second time around isn't making me feel any better! Something in me just died when you left, Baekhyun! That's what it felt like and that's what it would always feel like seeing you leave!"

"Chanyeol, it hurts me, too!" Baekhyun cried and he went to his feet as tears started to flow down from his beautiful eyes. "What happened to you after I died hurts me more than you could ever know! Do you think watching you break into pieces is easy for me? Do you think watching the only man I love break down into a crying mess super okay with me? I know what it feels like! I know what it feels like because I lost you, too, Chan. I lost you and I know I can never get you back!"

Baekhyun wiped his tears, breathing hard. "I love you, Park Chanyeol... I love you so, so much and this love made me come back. I love so much and it hurts, too... I love you and I want you to be okay... I want you to not blame yourself anymore... I want you to right all your mistakes from the past... I'm here again not just because I have to but also because I love you, okay?"

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. "I can't do this..." I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. "I can't see you go. Baek, you're asking me to help you... leave. Nothing of these will ever make losing you easier. Nothing."

"Chan..." Baekhyun breathed. "I'm sorry if I can't be with you again... I'm sorry if you became a mess when I left..."

When I looked into his eyes again, I can't feel anything but the undying love I feel for this person. I can't feel anything but the want, the trust, the love that I would forever feel for him. But I never knew such feelings could be this painful, too. I never knew such feelings could make me hurt like this.

Slowly, I took a step towards him, reaching for his cold hand. I ran my thumb on the back of his palm, forcing a small smile. "All I ever wanted... was a second chance. A second chance to make things right. A second chance with you, baby," I pursed my lips, trying not to sob. "But I never knew such second chances could be this hurting, too. I never knew it will come with such price."

Baekhyun bit his lip before nodding once. "J-just promise me... that after all of these, you'll stop blaming yourself for what happened." he breathed as he squeezed my hand back. "Promise me, you'll continue to live... You'll continue taking breathtaking pictures, you'll travel to every country you could think of, you'll go out with other guys or gals, you'll take the tough job assignments... Promise me, you'll be happy again, Park Chanyeol. Because that would make me the happiest, too."

"I-I can't do that..." I dipped me head, trying not to look at him. "I can't do that, Baek... I just can't... N-no..."

"Chanyeol, baby," Baekhyun touched my face, making me meet his brown orbs. "You should try. Even when I'm gone, try. Please promise me you'll try and you'll try very hard."

"B-baek..." I closed my eyes, leaning to his touch. "Y-you're asking for too much..."

Slowly, Baekhyun pulled my face so he could kiss my forehead. "I want you to be happy," he whispered. "I want you to be happy even when I'm not there to witness that anymore." When he pulled back, I held unto his waist, pulling him closer.

"Byun Baekhyun, you're everything..." I said, kissing his cheek. "You're my happiness and smiling started to hurt when you died... I... I don't think I could ever do it again."

Baekhyun surprised me by grinning. "You can," he breathed, kissing me on the lips. "I trust you. You can do it again, Mr. Famous."

And I don't know but the name made me smile despite myself.

For the first time that night, Baekhyun giggled his usual laugh. "See." he kissed me again. "You can do it."

I kissed him back. "It's because you're here, Byun Baek." I said. "You're basically my happiness and more."

Baekhyun touched my cheek. "Baby, there's so much more out there," he whispered. "You just have to learn to appreciate them. There are so many beautiful things that could make you smile again."

"Never when the most beautiful thing is standing this close to me." I said.

Baekhyun pecked my lips. "We'll work on that."

But I don't think we ever will.

Chapter Text

I tried not to sleep.

I tried holding unto Byun Baekhyun until the sun rises. I tried to stop this event from becoming surreal. I tried to prevent everything from disappearing, leaving me with nothing again.

But it seems like sleep isn't one of the things we could actually stop from happening. We can't run from it no matter how we tried. We might succeed for a few hours, yes. But that doesn't mean we could win.

When I woke up the next morning, Baekhyun is gone. I'm lying on the couch from last night with a small blanket draped over me and I immediately pushed it down, getting on my feet and making my sight shake.

"Baek?" I called as I massaged my temple. "Baekhyun?" I scanned the room with my eyes. "Byun Baekhyun?"

From that second, I started to think last night never happened. I am crazy. I am delusional. I absolutely need a psychiatrist right now. Slowly, I let out a heavy breath as I made my way to the bathroom. Okay. If last night was a dream, then it's a pretty good one. Mind blowing dream which actually felt real. So, so real.

I wiped the sweat that's starting to appear on my forehead, fanning myself with my other hand.

Then I froze. Why am I sweating? Why is the weather so hot?

With my heart pounding in my chest, I walked towards the curtains, pushing it open to gaze upon the white carpet of snow made overnight in front of my apartment building. There has to be snow. There has to be.

But with a shudder, I saw none.

Where did the Winter go? What is happening?

My breath started to go heavy and ragged just when I heard a voice behind me. "Seems like your fiance knew little," a small, high-pitched voice said. "Not to mention, almost none."

I looked back to see a small, glowing man on the arm of the couch. He's wearing that weird looking white clothes again and he definitely looks like Byun Baekhyun. Every inch of him is Byun Baekhyun except for the size, of course. And the eyes. His is a striking metal grey in color.

And of course, I remember him.

"Y-you're the mini version of my fiance!" I exclaimed as I backed on the wall. "What are you doing here? Where's Baek? And... what happened to all the snow?"

Suddenly, his eyes narrowed into slits. "You killed Winter." he hissed. "Murderer!"

"W-what--"

Then he burst out laughing, one hand flying to his tummy. "Don't be silly. I was just kidding, Mr. Famous," he giggles as he glanced at the clock hanging on the far wall. "Oh! No time left. Come on! It's almost his break!"

"W-wait!" I called as he started to-- oh my god-- float  towards the door. What is this thing? "What are you? And who are you? Why do you look like my fiance?"

I can't think straight. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!

The mini-Baekhyun looked back at me. "I'll tell you at the car," he said, almost annoyed. "But first, we need to go. Now."

"I-I... I smell like sht." I said, shaking. "May I, you know, prepare for a few minutes?"

With that said, mini-Baek studied me from head to toe, taking in my appearance. And finally, with a sigh, he nods. "Ten minutes." he hissed. "But you must promise me to drive really, really fast later. Okay?" He raised a brow, crossing his arms over his chest that made me do nothing but nod before running towards the bathroom.

As I hit the showers, random thoughts started to flood my mind.

Part of me is very certain I'm losing my mind. First, Baekhyun appeared and we even had a very emotional conversation. He even kissed me and I kissed him back. He was so cold. He was so real.

Second, Winter is suddenly... gone. It's almost Spring. What day is it?

Third, what the hell is that creature in my living room? Am I nuts? Am I crazy?

But if I'm crazy... then why can I think straight right now? Why can I ponder on these thoughts?

I cleaned myself as fast as I could, muttering, "It's okay, Park Chanyeol. You're not crazy. You're not, not crazy. Ever.", continuously even as I started to brush my teeth. When I looked at the mirror, my hair is still red and I look the same. I still look stressed and all those things.

After pulling on my most comfortable spring clothes, I stepped out of my room to see mini-Baekhyun still floating by the door. When he saw me, he clapped his hands once. "Great!" he exclaimed. "Let's go!"

Still confused, I followed him out the door and into the elevators. I kept an eye on him, watching him grin whilst looking around the well-lit hallway. "Your place is really nice, huh," he smiles. "Very cozy and neat."

"Y-yeah..." I murmured, still frowning. "W-what are you?"

When we reached the elevator, I hesitantly pushed the 'Down' button.

"I'm a Soul Keeper!" the creature answered, puffing out his chest proudly. It's really hard to feel afraid when I could clearly see my fiance in him. He definitely looks like Baekhyun. How could I freak out when it's the love of my life right here?

We waited for the elevator. "Soul... Keeper?" I repeated, raising a brow. "What... what on Earth is that?"

"We're not on Earth," he hissed as he rolled his eyes. "We're basically from... the other side. Another world. You know, the usual freaky stuffs." Then he winked at my direction before he continued watching the numbers on a screen over the elevator turn to the number of our floor.

"Hey, Mr. Park!" someone called and I looked back to see Do Kyungsoo walking towards the elevators, too. Compared from yesterday, he suddenly looks younger. Weird. 

And then I remembered mini-Baek and I almost grabbed him. But when I threw him a look, he's also watching Kyungsoo with a bored expression. Why isn't he hiding? Kyungsoo might freak out when he sees him!

"K-kyungsoo..." I greeted back, my hands itching to shove mini-Baek in my jeans' pocket. "H-hey..."

And then I realized, he can't see mini-Baek. At all. He didn't even flinch or tremble when he threw the elevator doors a glance. It's like there's no mini, glowing creature floating in front of us.

"Wow! Nice hair! When did you get your hair colored?" And then he paused. With a frown, Kyungsoo studied my face. "Hey. You alright?" he asked. "Baekhyun and you had a fight? You look really, really stressed out."

Okay. That was weird.

"W-what? Baekhyun?"

Kyungsoo grinned. "Okay. You did have a fight, didn't you?" then he patted my shoulder once. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure you'll soon realize it's your fault again and you'll say 'Sorry' and you two would be as sweet as ever. Again." He laughed as the elevator doors open and the three of us stepped inside.

I threw mini-Baek a glance and he's smiling while watching the exchange. "Cool, right?" he murmurs as he floats closer to my ear. "He can't see me. No one else can see me."

"So, how's Alaska?" Kyungsoo asked, pressing the 'G' button. "Baek told me it was a really, really big job."

I frowned. "Alaska?" I can't help asking. "My last project in Alaska was... four years ago, Kyungsoo."

It was Kyungsoo's turn to frown. "Well, as far as I know, you just came back from Alaska the other day, Mr. Park." then he grinned, shaking his head. "You don't have to hide the Alaska-project from me, okay? I won't ask how much money you received." He laughed again and I nearly lost my mind.

I looked at Kyungsoo and everything around us.

Then a horrifying thought hit me. Hard.

"K-kyungsoo," I took an intake of breath. "W-what day is it?"

With a frown, Kyungsoo looked at the watch he's wearing. "It's the fourteenth." he answered. "Why?"

"No." I shook my head. "The whole date."

"Oh," Kyungsoo said but he sounds confused. "March 14, 2012."

I can't help but gasp. Four years.

We're four years back in time.

"W-what..." I turned towards mini-Baek's direction. He's floating beside my face with a small smirk. Then very slowly, he turned to look at me.

"Surprise."

Chapter Text

"So, tell me," I hissed as I pulled out of the parking lot. "Tell me everything I need to know or I'll throw you out the window." I tried to sound really, really threatening but it came off like when Baekhyun and I were making jokes about supposed-to-be-serious stuffs.

Mini-Baekhyun is sitting on the dashboard of my car, his toes touching the stereo buttons. He's still smirking at me. "Can you really do that?" he raised a brow. "With me looking like Byun Baekhyun and all?" He even pouts and I just rolled my eyes.

Of course. I can't throw him out.

"Then begin." I urged, trying to ignore the very unnerving silver color of his irises. "Please don't keep me waiting or I'll end up believing I'm already crazy."

"Fine." Mini-Baek sighed. "I'm a Soul Keeper. And I'm very, very lucky to have your fiance's soul in my keeping." He looked down at his bare toes, cocking his head to one side. "Baekhyun's a really pretty guy."

I asked one of the major, most obvious question to ask. "What's a Soul Keeper?"

With that, Mini-Baek looked at me. "Just think of us as empty, shapeless vessels. And when someone dies, we keep the soul before they could be able to get to the 'other side'. We keep them safe, pure. We enable them to roam this Earth unseen except if needed. When a Soul Keeper gets a soul, it becomes... someone.

"But hear, hear." he continued. "We only get the Soul of someone who still has, you know, unfinished business here on the land of the living. Someone who has something pulling them back here. Sometimes, it's hard to know what that is. But... you'll know. Weird but you'll know."

"You mean," I threw him a glance, taking in his appearance. "You mean, you look like that because you have my fiance's soul?"

Mini-Baekhyun grinned. "Bingo."

I frowned in confusion. "If you have his soul... then he's still dead?"

"Well, technically yes. He's still dead in the future. But he's alive here, in this time." Mini-Baek answered. And then after a moment of bewildered silence, the Soul Keeper sighed, shaking his head.

"What is it?" I asked, noticing his pained expression.

"Can I... Can I tell you a secret?" His voice suddenly dropped to a whisper and Mini-Baek is suddenly frowning in curiousness.

"It's not like I'm going to tell these to someone." I sighed, shaking my head. "What is your secret?"

Mini-Baek bit his lip. "I'm a Keeper, yes. And I keep a Soul." he started, even making hand gestures. "When sunset comes, the Soul 'gets out' of the Keeper to be able to finish the unfinished business; find people, tell them the untold. Things like that. And when the sunrise comes, we get the Soul back in our keeping."

"Okay..." I nodded, trying to keep up. "Where are you heading?"

"When sunrise came this morning..." Mini-Baek trailed off. "I... I thought it's part of it... I thought this is all part of the 'plan', to get him to pass through. But when we got off the elevators and meet other people..." He touched his forehead, massaging it. "Confusing..."

Slowly, I gave out a heavy breath. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?" I asked. "What's the matter?"

"I never did this before," he breathed, looking around. "No Keeper ever did this before. Traveling back to the past to... to make things right. This is really new to me. I didn't bring us back. This is not my doing. I thought it is, but it's not! It's... It's something else."

"What?" I can't help but ask. "Y-you mean, you're not sure why we're here?"

If yes. Then we're doomed. We're really doomed.

"Do you remember Baekhyun's list?" Mini-Baek asked. "We're supposed to finish that, to let his soul pass through. To finally put him at rest. And after that... he'll be gone. His soul will leave me and everything would be back to how they're supposed to be."

My hands tightened around the wheel until my knuckles went white. "Then this is... temporary." I said through gritted teeth. "I'm not repeating time. I'm just revisiting it. To right the things I did wrong."

"That's what I know," Mini-Baek whispered back but he looks really confused. "B-but I don't know."

I let out a shaky breath. "What do you know then?"

Slowly, Mini-Baekhyun looked at the sky, his eyes wide. "What I know is that, the Universe is playing a game on us. And we don't have any clue about the rules."

When I entered BitterSweet, Seunghyun aka Top, the barista and a friend, welcomed me with a wave and, "Hey. Looking good." which basically means: 'You look like sht today'.

I walked up to him, looking around to notice the cafe empty at this hour. Except for an old couple by the corner. "Hey." I greeted back.

Top raised a brow. "The usual?"

"Nope." I shook my head. "Two orders of cafe mocha and two slices of blueberry cheesecake, please."

"Hm-hm," he nods, tapping on the cashier screen. "That's fifteen thousand for you, Park." He said as I fished out money and phone from my pocket.

"Make it quick," I said as I tapped on the Safari icon on my phone's screen, typing 'soul keepers' on the Google search tab. The top search is a book by G. P. Ching but nothing in it sounds close to what I'm experiencing now. There are even creepy sketches and paintings.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

I jumped but didn't make any embarrassing noise. "What the hell?" I hissed, glaring at Mini-Baek who's practically sitting on my shoulder now though I can't feel any weight. "Don't do that again!"

"Do what?" he looked at me innocently.

"That." I hissed. "Appearing out of thin air. And no. It's not that I don't believe you, okay? And do you really think I could not believe anything now at this point? And hell, you could tell me Top's a vampire and I would still believe you."

Mini-Baek shrugged. "Okay. He is."

I threw Top a nervous glance. "What the-- For real?!"

"Oh my god." he rolled his eyes. "You're really hot but dumb, you know that?"

I glared at him. "As if you could blame me." I hissed. "You don't know how... how confusing is everything for me now. I don't know what would happen after everything's done."

"That makes two of us."

After another two minutes of arguing and glaring, Top tapped my shoulder and I whipped my head to his direction. "Y-yes?"

He's handing me a paper bag. "Were you talking to yourself back there?" he asked as I took the bag. "I think I heard you whispering."

"O-oh. No. Of course n-not." I stammered. "I-I... I was making a call... Yeah. I was. I was..."

"Oh," Top nods then he gestured to the paper bag. "You bought Baekhyun's favorites. Why? You two had a fight?" He leaned on the cashier, watching me with a playful look.

Slowly, I shook my head. "Nope. Not really."

"Well, that would have explained your face today, Park." he grinned. "You look stressed and all that. Problem with work, perhaps?"

That's the second time someone told me I look bad so I said, "How bad is bad, actually?" I asked him.

"Like someone you love died." Top answered, amused.

I sighed. Well. Someone really had died.

I gestured to the paper bag. "Thanks for this." Then I headed out.

For some 'extraordinary' reason, Mini-Baekhyun could basically appear and disappear whenever he wants to. I could drive from him for a million miles and he'll pop out beside me in a second.

It could be really creepy. Having a Soul Keeper around is really unnerving. But as I drove pass the school gates, I realized I need him. I need his help because I practically know nothing. I don't know what to do.

The school bell rang just after I was able to park my car. In an instant, kids started to ran outside, proceeding towards the baseball field to play.

"Okay, Mr. Keeper," I whispered, looking around the car. "Where are you when I need you the most?"

I waited for a whole minute but it seems like no Mini-Baekhyun has the intention of helping me out right now. So maybe this one's on me. Maybe this one's my job.

Huh. Brilliant.

Sighing, I grabbed the paper bag from the shotgun seat but just as I'm about to step out, Byun Baekhyun came out of the classroom directly in front of my car. He's wearing a grey pullover and black skinny jeans over a pair of sneakers. And he looks really, really hot.

Until now, I still can't believe he's mine.

When he looked up, his eyes dropped on my car and instantly, his expression turned from surprised to confusion. This is my first time visiting him during his workday. I'm such an asshole. I know, I know.

I pushed the door and eased out into the open. Baekhyun is still watching me with a deep frown. "H-hey..." I called, my voice hoarse. "I-I... I brought you food."

Then very slowly, his lips twisted to a small, amused smile. "I like your hair, babe."

Chapter Text

This is my first time visiting Baekhyun during his workday. I am giddy and excited and I can't wait to see the look in his eyes when he hears my news. Before driving into the art school, I asked the security guard directions to the faculty building.

I parked in front of a two-storey building that's supposed to house the teachers. Soon enough, Byun Baekhyun walked into view. He's holding a large paper bag and he's being followed by preschoolers who seem to be asking him questions.

When I stepped out of the car, Baekhyun didn't even notice me as he giggles at his students. "Of course, no, Lia. You can't do that song." he said gently as he bends his knees so he could level his face with his students. "It's for teenagers and you're still a cute little sunshine. Maybe when you're a little older, yes?"

A cute little boy with bouncy cheeks stepped forward. "Mr. Byun, can I play my own song?" he asked, smiling shyly. "I want to dedicate it to you because I like you a lot."

Baekhyun bit his lip as he blushed. "That's really sweet, Lee." He whispered as he pinched one of Lee's chubby cheeks. "And yes, you could. I know it'll be great."

"Mr. Baekhyun, who's that guy staring at you?" one of the kids suddenly asked and it took me a second to realize the kid was referring to me. Baekhyun followed the kid's finger and his smile widened when he saw me.

"Oh. That's Mr. Baekhyun's special friend," he whispered at the kids playfully, making me grin. "You go ahead and play. I'll see you in class and we'll discuss the songs for the musical show."

When all the kids walked away, I approached Baekhyun with a wide grin on my face. "Hey. You won't believe this!" I exclaimed.

"Oh yes," Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he fixed the collar of my long-sleeve button-down. "But first, coffee or juice? And the kimchi tastes great! I can't believe I made that masterpiece!" He giggles and for a second I was left confused, thinking what's he's talking about. And then suddenly, it hit me.

We're supposed to have lunch today. Together.

"Oh my god, Baek!" I breathed, holding him by the shoulders. "I totally forgot! I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"

Baekhyun frowned, confused. "What? You forgot... You forgot we'll have lunch today?"

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, looking into his pained eyes. "I... You see... The office gave me a job and it's a really, really big one and... I just can't turn it down..."

There was a long pause.

"O-oh," came Baekhyun's quiet response. "W-wow. That's good. When are you leaving? I'm sure we could still eat together at the cafeteria and..." he trailed off as he saw the look on my face.

Embarrassed and totally guilty, I looked down. "Baek, I'm really sorry." I whispered. "I'm leaving today. Before lunch."

Slowly, Baekhyun let out a breath. He touched my hair and down to my cheek. "I'm glad you got the job, baby," he breathed and when I looked up, his lips are twisted into a smile. "Congratulations. Take care there, okay? For me?"

I held unto his waist and pulled him for a kiss. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry, Byun Baek."

"I love you, Park Chan." he whispered back. "So much..."

That wasn't the first and last disappointment I gave him.

But I won't lengthen such list anymore.

As Baekhyun walked towards me, I reached out to straighten my hair, desperately trying to look more attractive. I know this is nuts. And this is the first time I feel this self-conscious in front of my guy. But hell. Byun Baekhyun looks so gorgeous.

Ugh. What is wrong with me? How could I even hurt this kind of person?

"Hey," Baekhyun grinned as he fixed my hair himself. "Are you okay? You look nervous... and stressed. What did Alaska do to you?" He cocked his head to one side as he stared up at me. His brown eyes are dancing with that same amused expression.

"I've missed you," I blurted out and Baekhyun's eyes widened a bit. "I've really, really missed you, baby." And when I said that, I slowly pulled him into a hug, feeling his warm body again. I rested one hand on the base of his spine, the curve of his waist is suddenly more familiar than ever.

For the first time in two years, I feel alive again.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun whispered against my chest. "Are... Are you really okay? Are you sick?"

"Alaska wasn't good," I whispered to his hair. "No place was good enough. I want to be here, Byun Baek. I want to be anywhere near you. I want that and nothing else. I want nothing else anymore."

Slowly, I felt his hand on my neck, his palm pressed on my skin like he's testing my temperature. "You seem fine to me," he whispered as he pulled back, looking at me with concern. "Are you sure you're not... you're not feeling unwell?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I said as I stared into his eyes. "I've never been this fine."

"Oh. Okay," Baekhyun nods as he still eyes me with concern. "And what did you say? You brought food?" He asked and the surprise is very much evident in his voice.

I raised the bag I'm holding. "Your favorites." I grinned, holding him by the waist as we walked back towards the buildings. Whenever I visit Baekhyun before, I always come with selfish news about me and my career. I never asked how his day was because I was so preoccupied by how my career and fame are blooming into unimaginable success.

"So, how's your day?" I asked, intertwining our fingers. "I hope it's great."

Baekhyun is obviously curious about my actions. "My day's pretty great," he answered, watching me with piercing eyes. "The kids love the song I just played for them and we're all busy preparing for the musical show next week."

"Really? A musical show?" I asked, just curious.

"Yeah," Baekhyun's eyes brighten. "I'm so excited. I really hope you could come and watch the kids perform but well, seems like your trip to Australia would be next week, too, yes?"

With that, I frowned. "Australia? Did I sign the job already?"

"I don't know," Baekhyun shrugged. "I thought you're meeting them at Horizon Pub. today for the job. That's why I'm really surprised to see you here, bringing food so we could eat together." then he turned to look at me, glaring. "Okay. Did some alien abduct my fiance? Where did you hide him? Where is he?" He gripped my sweatshirt, pulling me to him until our faces are a few inches apart.

I smirked, looking at his lips. "You're stunning."

Baekhyun giggles as he released his hold. "You're nuts, Mr. Park." The he kissed me on the cheek, making me blush. "I'm glad you're back safe and sound."

"I'll attend the musical show," I said and Baekhyun's lips gaped open in shock. "I know my fiance's a really good music teacher but---"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence because Baekhyun suddenly pulled me into a hug, his slender arms wrapped around my neck. "Oh my god, thank you," he breathed. "You don't know how happy I am right now. Like, really happy." When he pulled back, he's still grinning his eye-smile and it's one of the most adorable things ever.

"I'm glad I could make you happy," I said as I kissed his forehead. Baekhyun sighed out as he held my hand tighter. After all the disappointments I gave him, I know this still isn't enough. I ought to give him more, and that I will definitely do.

As we made our way towards the cafeteria, Baekhyun froze, one hand touching his chin. "Oh, I forgot my phone at the faculty," he whispered. "Can we get it first? I ordered a box of cupcake for the kids and I'm expecting a call from the shop."

I nodded. "Sure."

We arrived at the faculty building and the outside is as I remembered it: white and neat. In the inside, though, pictures of past principals hung on the walls. This is my first time entering the building and as I looked around, I realized I had never seen Baekhyun's co-teachers aside from Kyungsoo. I never knew his friends. His enemies, if ever there are.

I looked down at Baek and after three years of being together... I still don't know everything about him. I never asked even when he's so much interested in my own life. I want so badly to just hold him right now and let him spill everything, from the biggest down to the littlest secret he's keeping.

Baekhyun is still holding my hand when we stopped in front of a white door with the word 'MUSICAL DEPARTMENT' plastered on it. He pushed it open and the sound of orchestra playing from a speaker welcomed us.

"Baekhyun," someone called from inside. "The principal left a letter on your desk. She said it's regarding the musical show."

"Oh. Thanks, Luhan." Baekhyun said then he looked back at me.

I stopped just outside but Baekhyun beckoned me inside. "Is it fine?" I asked as he held the door open for me.

"'Course it is," he rolls his eyes.

With that, I stepped inside and every head turned to my direction. It appears that most of Baekhyun's co-music teachers are guys. There are a few girls who are watching me with amused expressions. Suddenly, I feel like a body on display.

"I'll just take a look at the letter, grab my phone and we're off," Baekhyun mutters as he walked towards his table. I awkwardly moved towards a corner where a couch was placed. From my spot, I could see Baekhyun scan the three-page letter with a slight frown on his forehead.

A pretty young woman who's holding a mug of hot coffee sat beside me. "Hello," she grins. "Are you Baekhyun's boyfriend?" she asked, her black eyes traveling from the paper bag I am holding to my face.

"Fiance," I corrected her. "Hi."

Laughing softly, the woman offered her hand. "I'm Luna. Baekhyun's friend." she said. "I never knew Baekhyun's soon-to-be-husband is pretty possessive. It isn't what I was hearing."

I shook her hand. "Chanyeol," I introduced myself. "Sorry to disappoint but I'm not possessive. I'm just a fan of facts."

"And snobby, too, huh?" Luna shrugged and I almost snapped at her. "You brought him food. Wow. That's the first."

"Yeah." I nod. "Never had the time before."

She nodded back as she sipped from her mug. "I know you're famous," she said. "I read your name on magazines often times. Why isn't the paparazzi running after you?"

With that, I rolled my eyes. "I'm a photographer. Not a celebrity."

Luna laughed. "Yes, yes." she grinned then gestured to the paper bag which is now sitting between us. "So, what did you bring Baek?"

I threw Baekhyun a glance and he currently has a phone on his ear. When he caught my glance, he smiled and winked. "Coffee and cheesecake." I answered. "His favorites."

"Seems like Baekhyun will finally have the right cafe mocha from the right guy, huh," Luna said, still grinning. "Way to go, Baekkie."

"What?" I looked at her. "Right guy? What are you saying?"

"Oh, he didn't mention?" Luna laughed in amusement. "You know, the head of the Arts Department always come here to ask Baekhyun for coffee. And I mean, every-effin-day. Funny, right? He thought Baekhyun's engagement ring is some sort of defense mechanism." She laughs again and I just stared at her, wide-eyed.

What? Baekhyun got some admirer?

"And what would Baekhyun say?" I asked.

"What do you think?" Luna raised a brow. "Of course he'll turn him down. Gah. I swear he could be annoying sometimes. But he's hot. I mean, you're hot and all but he's tanned and gorgeous. And well, you're taller. Far taller, so the advantage is on you, don't worry."

What the hell? Of course the advantage in on me! I am Baekhyun's fiance! And I don't think such guy could be up for competition anyway.

Soon enough, Baekhyun's already walking towards us, his phone in one hand. "Hey, Luna," he said as he took my hand. "What were you telling my guy here, huh?"

Luna giggles as she waved us off. "The usual, juicy stuff," she winked. "Hm. I wonder where Kim Jongin is now."

"Ugh," Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Shut up. You're like, summoning him out of thin air."

I got on my feet. "Okay. I think we should now head to the cafeteria," I said as I looked down at Baekhyun. We said our goodbye to Luna before stepping back into the building's empty halls. "You must tell me everything about this 'admirer' of yours." I murmured, throwing Baekhyun a stern glance.

"What?" Baekhyun giggles. "Mr. Kim is no admirer. He's just nice."

"When I ask a co-worker for coffee, it's not because I'm just nice." I said, my brows furrowed. "I would ask him for coffee because I like him, okay? Nothing more, nothing less."

Baekhyun rested a hand on my chest, stopping me. "Wait. Are you jealous?" he asked and his voice rang with nothing but surprise. He's not even teasing. He sounds so shocked, his eyes are wide with disbelief.

I let out a sigh as I looked back at my feet. "I'm..." I breathed, shaking my head. "I never knew this, you know? I never asked. I never met your other friends. I wasn't able to know some hot department head is hitting on my fiance. There's so much more to learn from you and... and I never did."

"Chanyeol, baby," Baekhyun touched my cheek. "Are you really okay? Is something bugging you? You're acting weird... Please tell me you're fine."

I closed my eyes and leaned into his palm. "I hate regretting everything that happened, Byun Baek," I whispered. "Please tell me you still love me, that you won't leave me." I am practically begging and I don't care. I need this more than ever.

"Park Chanyeol, I love you, okay?" Baekhyun murmurs. "I love you and I won't leave you."

Slowly, I looked up to meet the most beautiful pair of hazel brown eyes. For once, I tried to forget the fact that, yes, he would leave me. And it'll be nothing like driving away from our wedding. It'll be something more... more painful.

Chapter Text

As expected, the cafeteria is filled with kids. The air is buzzing with laughs, shouts, screams, and halfhearted cries. Some of the students are with their guardians or nannies but no such guidance could actually stop preschoolers from running around the cafeteria, chasing a friend who stole his cookie.

Baekhyun and I settled in a booth at the far left corner of the wide room. It's a spot where we are surrounded by some co-teachers but aren't close enough to make us feel uncomfortable. When Baekhyun saw them, he greeted each one, even mentioning their names. I told you. He's just too... kind sometimes. To be perfectly honest, I never saw him get mad.

"Sadly," Baekhyun pouts as he held the cup of coffee between his palms. "They're not that hot anymore."

"Yeah," I nodded. "Sorry. They probably turned cold inside the car."

In an instant, Baekhyun looked at me. "Ah, no. Don't worry. I could ask Mrs. Pua to warm these up. She's the head cook in here, I'm sure they have a microwave oven." And without waiting for an answer, Baekhyun took the two tall cups of cafe mocha and walked gracefully towards the cafeteria counter. I watched the so-called Mrs. Pua guide Baek towards the kitchen.

Suddenly, I felt a slight weight on the top of my head. Hardly noticeable but present.

"W-what---"

"How is everything going, Mr. Famous?" Mini-Baek asked, his face suddenly dangling upside-down between my eyes. With a yelp, I backed away until my back hit the wall behind me. Some curious eyes turned to look but I managed to stare at the table instead, pretending nothing happened.

"What the hell?" I hissed, my voice stern. "You can't just... appear like that!"

Giggling, Mini-Baek floated right in front of me until my eyes crossed. "You're really funny," he mumbled. "So... aren't you answering my question?" He raised a perfect brow with his piercing silver eyes meeting mine. They're really unnerving.

I shook my head and turned away from him to stare at the surroundings instead. "What do you think?" I asked. "I'm doing my best here. I'm pretty sure he's noticing the changes."

"That's very good to hear," Mini-Baek mumbled though I can't feel any enthusiasm in his voice. When I threw him a glance, he's watching me with a very unreadable expression while sitting on the cafeteria table. It's somewhat sad... but curious, too.

Resting my chin on one hand, I stared down at him. "So where did you go?"

Mini-Baek tipped his head back. "Check your pocket."

Frowning, I slowly slipped my free hand in the pocket of my jeans until I could feel the slight brush of a paper. I pinned it between my two fingers and when I pulled it out, I realized in an instant what it is. "The list," I murmured, staring down at the old worn out paper from Baekhyun's planner. "How... How did you get this?"

"Don't ask me." Mini-Baek rolled his eyes. "I don't really want you messing things up. Again."

I narrowed my eyes at him as I shoved the paper back. "Why do you sound so judgemental when you said that?"

"Maybe because... I'm Baekhyun's honest version," he answered, cocking his head to one side. "I have his soul but fortunately, I don't have his feelings. I can't feel anything for you. Because of that, I am not biased. I can tell you what I really feel. I wouldn't care what you'll feel when I become entirely honest."

"And?"

"You're a jerk, Park Chanyeol," he sighed. "I can't believe Byun Baekhyun put up with you for years."

Annoyed, I gritted my teeth together as I glared down at him. "You're lucky you're not entirely wrong, Mr. Keeper." I hissed. "And why the hell are you telling me all these now?"

Mini-Baek slowly turned his head to the cafeteria kitchen. "You know what's confusing for us, Keepers?" he started in a low voice. "We don't know what we're supposed to do. We're clueless. We're frustrated, too. As for me, I ask myself: What's my purpose? Why can you see me? What am I even doing here?"

I followed his gaze and as if on cue, Baekhyun walked out of the kitchen door, both hands occupied with a mug of coffee. He gave Mrs. Pua a wholehearted 'Thank You' before heading back to our booth. His eyes look so alive and bright and I could clearly see now the happiness brought by me eating lunch with him.

"You know, Mr. Famous, I realized it now..." Mini-Baek whispered, his voice ringing in my ear. "I'm here to constantly remind you why we're back in this time. Why you can't mess up again. Why you can't turn back to your old self. And maybe I'm also here as a reminder... that all of these could be temporary."

I pursed my lips and looked away, not wanting to dwell on the thought. "I don't want to let him go..." And that's the absolute truth. After finishing the list, none of us know what will happen next. We're both clueless. We're both lost in a world we don't exactly understand.

But amidst all these confusions and questions, there's one thing I am certain of.

I don't want this to end. I can't let everything end.

"I know what you're thinking," Mini-Baek murmured, his face suddenly a few inches from mine and his eyes are giving me a warning. "But... Look at him."

And I did. My head turned to Baekhyun's direction.

He's just... perfect.

"Can you hurt him again?" Mini-Baek asked. "Would you hurt him again, Mr. Park?"

No matter how I deny it, I know, deep inside of me, I don't really want to finish the list. I don't want to fulfill Baekhyun's last wishes. I don't want his soul entirely gone. Forgotten.

But... Could I hurt him? Again?

Could I abandon the list and undergo the same old pain of him leaving?

Could I really do this to him?

When Baekhyun placed the mug in front of me, I suddenly found it hard to look at him. Everything is just so confusing... so tiring to even think about. If only I knew what was coming...

"There you go," Baekhyun grinned as he settled in front of me. "I borrowed these two mugs from the kitchen so I could put the coffee in the oven. Did Top make these?" He took a sip from his coffee while still looking at me.

I swallowed loudly. "Y-yeah."

"I could tell." he said. "It's amazing as always."

Shaking my head, I decided to just throw every troubling thought away from my head. I have to think straight. I have to know what's right and wrong. I have to be perfectly mature. For now.

"Babe, are you busy tonight?"

Baekhyun is now gazing at the blueberry cheesecake with a small, innocent smile. "Um," he started before looking up at me again. "Not really. But I have to write a list of songs we could---"

"Will you spend the night at my apartment instead?" I asked and I don't care if my voice sounds like someone begging. "A-and I... I could help you with whatever you're doing tonight."

"Huh?" Baekhyun looks confused. "Won't you be... you know? Running through your pictures and adjusting their brightness, contrast, and stuffs?"

I forced a laugh, remembering the many nights I won't ask him out because I have tons of things to do when apparently, my pictures don't really need such adjustments. I was just so obsessed with my own dream and job. I tried to be the perfect photographer. The best one.

"Ah, no," I said, smiling at him. "So please accept my invitation."

Frowning, Baekhyun pinned the disposable fork between his lips as he watched me. When struck by the sun's rays, his brown eyes have that flickers of blue and silver. It's one of the many wonders of him.

Beautiful, I know.

"What happened to the MWF schedule?" he asked, raising a brow. Originally, Baekhyun only sleeps at my apartment during Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. This is because he also has his own apartment and we want to give each other some space whenever we need it.

Using my own fork, I cut a piece from my cheesecake. "I know this is sudden but will you... will you spend a few nights at my apartment?" I bit my lip, looking down. "Can we forget about the schedule for a few days? Or weeks?"

"Are you planning something evil because I'll definitely kill you if I feel that palm of yours running along my thigh again." Baekhyun hissed, glaring at me.

I tried not to laugh. I almost forgot that Byun Baekhyun is a virgin.

"Nothing evil, I swear." I raised my right hand. "Kill me if you wish."

Finally satisfied, Baekhyun shove a large chunk of cheesecake to his mouth. "Seems like I have to find that large luggage of mine," he murmurs mostly to himself. "Mr. Famous looks like he missed me more than I could ever think of." Baekhyun pursed his lips to keep himself from smirking and I can't help but chuckle.

"God, I missed you." I breathed, staring at his brown orbs.

Baekhyun giggles. "Yeah. Me, too."

"I'm not signing it."

Ji-yong sat up, leaning unto his glass table. "What? I don't think I heard you right, Chanyeol." My sister's husband already has that tight frown on his forehead that only appears whenever he's utterly confused.

I slowly slipped the paper back to his direction. "I'm not taking the Australia project, sir." I said. "I have my own personal plans for next week. I'm really sorry but I can't abandon those plans. They're important."

"Important?" Ji-yong raised a brow. "More important than this 12.2 million job? Chanyeol, you're the only photographer who could turn this job into a success."

"Sir, please don't underestimate my co-workers." I said, sighing. "Many others want this job. There's Minho and Jessica. I'm pretty sure they'll take this job in an instant."

Exasperated, Ji-yong raised both hands. "Okay, Chanyeol. Let's talk about this man-to-man." he said. "Don't tell me this has something to do with your fiance. I thought we already established the fact that you must take care of your career before anything else? You're too young to be settling with local photography jobs."

Since I already feel the professionalism vanishing, I gave another tired sigh. "Ji-yong, it's not that I want to entirely settle with local photography. Of course, I would love the international ones. But... not the Australia one. Or maybe not the future ones for this year and the next."

Ji-yong ran a hand through his hair. "B-but the talent..." he groaned. "What happened to you?"

With that, I can't help but chuckle. "Let's just say some creature poured a bucket of ice-cold water through my entire being." I let out a laugh. "I know now what I really want, Ji-yong. And it's not the beautiful colors of my photos. Not anymore."

My brother-in-law is still watching me with confusion. "You might lose a lot." he warned.

"Oh, I already know what losing feels like." I said. "Believe me."

Chapter Text

It's already seven o'clock in the evening and I'm scrolling through the pictures I took during the Alaska project. People say my pictures are always worth the money and praises I am receiving every time. Little did they know how much I am paying for those material, worthless things.

Mini-Baek is floating a few inches from my face, silver eyes on the screen. "Hm. I must admit you're pretty good, Mr. Famous," he mumbled before yawning. "But do you mind if I disappear for now?"

Startled, I turned to look at him, my nose almost touching his tippy toes. "W-what do you mean 'disappear'? You aren't leaving me now, are you?"

"I believe you failed to hear 'for now', huh?" he rolled his eyes. "I'll be back when you need me. Besides, I don't want to ruin such moments." Then he cocked his head to one side, brown hair flipping to the direction of the door.

And before I could answer, the door of my apartment was pushed open from the outside and Mini-Baek disappeared in a split second. Byun Baekhyun has an envelop pinned between his lips, a luggage in one hand, and the duplicate key to my apartment in the other. He grinned when he saw me watching him.

"Good evening, gorgeous," I called, standing up from the floor. "Need some help with your things?"

Baekhyun pushed the door close and he took the envelop from his lips, shaking his head. "Oh no. I can handle this myself," he said. "Stop treating me like a lady already." He rolled his eyes and I can't help but laugh.

"What's so wrong with that?" I raised a brow. "Is it wrong for a guy to spoil his lover?" I walked over to him and kissed his cheek, making sure my lips lingers on the soft skin for a few seconds.

Baekhyun giggled, one palm on my chest. "Spoiling who?" he teased. "I don't remember being spoiled, Mr. Park." He looked up at me with an expression that makes me want to push and kiss him against the cold door but I resisted, staring down at his luggage instead.

"You'll see," I said, grabbing the bag. "I'll take this to the room."

"Ah, I can manage," Baekhyun grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Really."

"Let me do this," I whispered and I know there's something different with my voice because Baekhyun frowned, his expression confused. His brown eyes looks like they're searching for answers I can't give him. He looks so beautiful right now. So mine.

Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak but then he bit his lip, nodding. "Okay," he said. "If you really want to." Then he smiled a small one as he let go of me.

Even for me, I sound and act weird. For some reason, I am failing to see the old me anymore. After everything that happened, I am already seeing things in a different perspective; I began to understand with a different mind.

It's a good thing. It has to be.

When I came back to the living room, I found Baekhyun sitting on the floor with his envelop placed on the low table. He pulled out a bundle of papers from it and I moved to sit beside him, putting away my laptop.

"What are those?"

"Songs," Baekhyun answered, frowning. "I spent last night looking for songs we could play during the musical show and these are some of the good pieces."

I opened my palm to him. "May I?"

"Yeah, sure." He handed me the papers, sighing. "Pardon the poor choice, okay?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "I'm not saying anything, sir." I said as I scanned the printed out notes and lyrics of the different songs. "Um, most are English. Why is that?"

"Oh," Baekhyun touched his lip. "It's because we'll be having visitors from the US and they'll be donating musical instruments for the kids. I think they'll appreciate it more if we play western songs, too."

Grinning, I patted his head. "Good work, sir."

"Stop it!" Baekhyun smacked my hand away. "I'm not a kid so stop doing that."

I laughed. "But you're cute and adorable. What would I do with that?"

Baekhyun took the papers from my hand with a glare. "Just ignore it," he muttered. "And stop saying those things. I feel so not manly." He pouts as he look away and it made me laugh again.

How could he say those things with that face? God. I can't take this cuteness.

Without thinking, I reached up to touch his cheek, running my thumb over the permanent blush on his skin. Byun Baekhyun's skin feels like feather and it's quite hard to believe he's a grown up man. He's so attractive inside out.

Frowning, Baekhyun turned to look at my hand. "Um," he started, confused. "Chanyeol, what are you doing?"

I smirked, my chin on one hand. "Admiring the view?"

The blush on his cheek reddened even more. "You're starting to become creepy." he muttered. "You sure you're not an alien?"

"And you're the one to talk." I breathed. "You're inhumanly gorgeous."

Now, even the tips of his ears are turning red from embarrassment. Baekhyun's lips gaped open, probably to give me one stern, sassy reply but he pursed them close after two seconds and without warning, he grabbed unto the sleeve of my shirt, pulled me close and kissed me.

It was a quick, gentle peck on the lips and when he pulled back, he murmured a "Thanks." before looking back at the song list. Even with his head turned away, Baekhyun's cheeks are still burning with color. He bit on his lower lip as he tried to study the songs, leaving me smirking to myself.

"I'll play you a song," I crawled to the side of the sofa, retrieving my old guitar. It's a gift from my father and a few years old. When I returned to my spot on the carpeted floor, Baekhyun is already facing me with a frown.

He cocked his head to one side. "What for?"

I shrugged. "Do I always need to have a reason for everything I do?"

"Well, yeah," Baekhyun muttered. "You always do have one."

"Is that so..." I said, running a finger through the strings. "How about this: 'I'll play you a song because you're beautiful and you deserve one'?"

With that, Baekhyun giggled, one hand on his lips. "What's with you today, Yeol?" he laughed. "You need something from me?"

"Yeah, I do," I whispered, looking down at the guitar I am holding. "I need your love, Byun Baek. I need you to stay. That's... that's what I need from you."

For a moment, neither of us said anything. I stared at the carpet and I could feel Baekhyun's stares on my face. When Baekhyun left me before the actual wedding, since when was he feeling that way? Since when did he have the thought of leaving me for good?

Is he feeling it now?

Gently, I pressed on the strings and started playing.

" 'Cause all of me, loves all of you.

Love your curves and all your edges,

All your perfect imperfections.

Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you.

You're my end and my beginning.

Even when I lose I'm winning."

I threw Baekhyun a glance and found him watching me with wide, unbelieving eyes. With all the courage I have, I stared into his brown, shining orbs and whispered the remaining lines of the song.

" 'Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you..."

There's nothing but silence between us now. Even the silent purr of the refrigerator could be considered noisy. We're both staring at each other but I can't read his eyes. He seems... surprised. Suddenly, a car drove by noisily and Baekhyun blinked, a small smile twisting his lips.

"Y-you..." he swallowed. "You could sing."

I chuckled and placed the guitar aside. "Surprising, huh?" I shrugged. "That's for you so..."

Slowly, Baekhyun brushed my cheek with his fingers. "Thank you." he whispered. "That means a lot, Park Chanyeol."

"I'm glad," I said, holding his hand that's on my face. Gently, I pulled it to my lips and kissed his palm. He smells of strawberries. "I love you, Byun Baekhyun."

Suddenly, I felt his lips on my forehead. "I love you, too."

I closed my eyes and stayed like that for a moment, just feeling his warm hand between mine. For some reason, I feel relaxed and free from worry. It seems like a certain weight was lifted from my chest, making me breathe easier. Even the sound of his inhales and exhales feels like music.

This is too deep. I fell too deep for this person, and I am falling more deeply every passing second. How is this even possible? How far will I go?

"Chanyeol?"

"Hm?"

"Baby, I love you but I need to give them the final song list tomorrow." he said and when I looked up, Baekhyun is obviously fighting off a smile. When I let go of his hand, I felt quite sad and empty. Pathetic, huh?

"Want me to help you?" I asked, my ears perking up.

Baekhyun giggled, shaking his head. "Sure." then he pulled a laptop from his bag, handing it to me. "We could listen to some songs I downloaded and you'll be the judge. How's that sound?"

I beamed. "Great."

"Oh. You don't have anything to do for work?"

"Nah." I shook my head. "This is our time."