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Clint knew he shouldn’t have yelled at Bruce. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten so upset over what Bruce would call nothing but it was hard not to, especially after a mission like that. He could hear Bruce crying quietly in the other room. A tear fell down Clint’s face as he held their wedding ring in his hand. He had really blown it this time...
“Barton. Snap out of it.” Natasha said gently, placing a hand over Clint’s shoulder. She didn’t know whether he would accept the comforting pat or not at the moment.
Clint looked up, startled. How had he not noticed Natasha coming into the room? He was like the one person she couldn’t sneak up on. His brows furrowed, tears still streaming down his face as he looked up at her. “Nat? When did you get here? I-is Bruce still mad at me?”
A small flicker of sadness dashed across Natasha’s face as she knelt down to be eye to eye with Clint, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. “Clint... you know what happened to Bruce.” She murmured. He’d been doing this for days. She noted the dishevelled look of the archer, the wedding rings in his hand, and the dark circles under his eyes.
Clint frowned, clenching his jaw as his throat tightened up with sobs he was holding back. It all came rushing back to him... no matter how hard he tried to fight it.
***
“Bruce... Bruce I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said okay? I love you and Jade Jaws okay? Just hang in there for me... th-the medics’ll be here any second you just keep your eyes on me and your heart beating okay? I got you... I got you now... I’m never letting go again...” Tears were streaming down the archer’s face, leaving streaks on his ash covered face. The two had fought before the Avengers were needed for a battle. Hulk was fighting out of pure rage and so was Clint. It was like blowing off steam for them, but Clint had been blinded by his emotions. He didn’t notice the bomb flying towards him. Hulk had pushed him out of the way and held it to his own chest, absorbing the explosion and shock waves. Clint knew as soon as he saw it that this wasn’t something Hulk could recover from. There was shrapnel everywhere, green blood trickling down the Hulk’s massive figure. He gave Clint a knowing look before shrinking back to Bruce. It was even worse then. Bruce was lying in the rubble, shaking, parts of him green, others getting stained red. Clint rushed over to Bruce and carefully held him. He used his jacket to try and put pressure over the gaping wound in Bruce’s chest.
Bruce looked up at Clint, the same, pained, smile that Clint had come to know and love, but this time it was different. Some part of Clint knew that this would be the last time he would be able to see it. “Clint...” Bruce murmured, voice hoarse as he struggled for breath. He gently wiped Clint’s tears away with his thumb, unknowingly leaving a streak of red on his husband’s cheek. “I love you too... n-not mad... just want to t-tell...” He coughed, more tears streaming down his face as some blood began to trickle from his mouth. “P-promise me y-y-you’ll keep yourself happy s-somehow... no dyin okay?”
Clint nodded quickly, pressing a kiss to Bruce’s cheek. “I-I promise Bruce. I-I won’t, but you have to promise not to die on me either okay? B-Bruce...” Clint’s voice broke and he gently shook Bruce’s shoulder, throat so tight that it hurt to do anything but cry. “Don’t leave me... p-please... you can’t die on me... We were going to be together forever.” he murmured, crying quietly as he held Bruce’s body close to his own.
The other Avengers kept on fighting, though they were all shocked and filling with grief themselves. They all fought harder than they ever had before. Tony was glad he had a mask on because tears were streaming down his face for his lost friend. Steve was fighting as if every enemy he took down was going to bring Bruce back some how. Natasha kept on her stoic face, but was getting ruthless on the battlefield.
That night they all took turns keeping an eye on Clint. Clint was lost in his own memories, remembering every single fucking mistake he had made with Bruce. He wished he could have erased all of those fights, made Bruce the happiest man in the world. Now his husband was dead.
***
Clint quickly wiped his eyes. “I-I’m fine Natasha. Just gotta get my suit on.” He mumbled as he moved towards his closet. Natasha was already dressed in a black outfit. Today was Bruce’s funeral. Shield wanted to put his grave with the other Shield ones, but Clint knew that Bruce would want his grave to be next to his mother’s. When he came back out his eyes were red from his tears, and it was clear that he was still on the verge of crying as well. No one could blame him though. Bruce and Clint had been so close... Clint was one of the first people Bruce actually opened up to, one of the first people he gave his heart to. Clint had cherished that gift like it was life itself. In return he had given his to Bruce as well. It was still with Bruce, crushed and longing for the warm embrace Clint couldn’t sleep without.
He put his hands in his pockets, letting Natasha fix his tie before they headed out to go to Bruce’s funeral. Clint was lost in his thoughts again as Natasha drove them. He didn’t even realize he was crying again, or that his fist was clenched so tight it was turning white.
***
“Clint, stop!” Bruce laughed as he was tickled. “You’re gonna knock over a candle!” The power had gone out, so Clint and Bruce had lit the house with all the candles they had. Clint insisted that they made a blanket fort to curl up in until the power came back.
Clint grinned down at Bruce and gave him a gentle kiss, still tickling him. “Not until you admit that you’re the most amazing person in the whole world.”
Bruce blushed shyly and hid his face. “Clint... that’s not tru-” He was silenced by another kiss, this one was slower and softer.
“It is true Bruce. I’m not good at this romantic stuff, but you’re like the light of my life. I don’t know what I’d do without you Brucey.” Clint said softly before tickling him again.
Bruce blushed and laughed. “Okay! Okay if it’ll make you stop...”
“Ah ah, you gotta say it.” Clint said with a triumphant smirk on his face.
Bruce hid his face, “Fine I’m the most amazing person in the whole world, now pleease stop tickling me?”
Clint stopped and kissed Bruce again gently. “You’re amazing.”
***
When they arrived at the funeral there was only a small group of people. The team was there, and some of the new Avengers who had gotten close to Bruce. It seemed fitting that the sky was a dark grey, threatening to burst into rain. Clint sat down, keeping his jaw clenched as he tried to hold his tears back. Tony looked like shit. His eyes were red, and it looked like he had hurt his hand, probably punching something he shouldn’t have. Steve looked like he hadn’t slept in days, probably blaming himself for not seeing the bomb. Natasha seemed to be the least affected, but to people who actually knew her it was obvious she was falling apart on the inside. The whole team had gotten close to Bruce, and he was just gone suddenly...
Finally it was time for Clint to speak. He walked up, eyes downcast so that the others wouldn’t see his tears. “B-Bruce was a good guy, good husband, g-g-good friend. I-I know he always felt like it was his fault, a-and that he wasn’t good enough or whatever, but I hope he p-passed knowing how much he touched each of our lives. I-I miss you Bruce... I-I know you woulda been a good dad... I’m sorry I was such an idiot.” As the tears streamed down Clint’s face it began to drizzle gently, as if the earth was crying with him. The others were glad it rained because it hid their own tears. “I don’t know what we’re... I’m going to do without you Bruce... I hope you know you had a lot of people who loved you. I hope you’re with your mom some-somewhere.” His voice broke and he clenched his jaw, keeping his eyes down so that he wouldn’t have to see the faces of the others. He threw the dirt down and just stood at the edge, crying quietly, refusing any comforting words or touches the team tried to offer him. He stayed by the grave for hours, not caring that he was getting soaked, or that he was going hoarse from screaming at the sky that it just wasn’t fair. Steve finally helped him to his feet and led him back to the car. The Captain’s heart was broken by the sight of the archer riddled with sorrow and grief.
As the days passed it became obvious that Clint wasn’t fit to be in combat. He couldn’t hold the bow straight because his hands kept shaking. He’d get lost in his thoughts and it would take little less than shouting at him or shaking his shoulders to get him to snap out of it. When Steve had to tell Clint he wasn’t fit to be in combat he felt horrible. The archer needed their help, but they had to keep fighting without him.
Clint began to grow weaker and weaker. He rarely talked anymore. When he did his voice was quiet and hoarse. He rarely ate, constantly saying that he wasn’t hungry. He just sat, locked up in his room, lost in his memories. Everyone was handling the loss differently. Tony kept himself locked up in the labs, and when he wasn’t in there he was either at the bar or doing target practice. Steve busied himself with as many missions as he could take, practically running himself into the ground, and Natasha... well she was trying to hold the team together as best as she could.
“I know I made a promise Brucey... but I just can’t keep it...” Clint murmured to himself, staring at the ground below him. He was sitting on the edge of the plane hangar at the tower. What he didn’t expect was Natasha pulling him back to safety, tears streaming down her face.
“What the hell are you doing Barton! Look I know you miss Bruce, newsflash we all do! I know you were closest to him, but you have to suck it up. Bruce would be so pissed if you did this, and this team can’t take another hit. You need to get your shit together Clint so you can get back in the fight and help us kill every single one of those bastards okay?” Her voice cracked as she glared into Clint’s eyes.
All Clint could do was nod and look down, though a small smile spread across his face. He could just imagine Bruce whacking him on the back of the head and calling him an idiot before pulling him into a tight embrace, chastising him for being such an idiot.
“Fine...” He murmured. “I’ll do it... just cause Bruce would be mad if I didn’t...”