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The clouds roll in, a thin dark veil over the silver moon. There's a strong salty scent in the cold air — it'll rain tomorrow.
She decided that she likes watching the sky.
Wow, what a revelation, Miko. Hold the presses.
In all fairness, it was less of an "aha!" moment and more of a "hey, this is kinda nice" moment.
That was today, when Miko looked out the train window, when ominous gray consumed the perfect shades of blues. Then, as she walked home, violent reds chased all that color away. In their place, she watches tender cobalts bleed black. Flecks of light hide from the city's neon signs, yet the blinding gaze of the moon offers peace of mind.
Sheesh… when did she turn into such a sap? Look at her speaking with semantics and words of whimsy. Not really Miko's area of expertise, elite as she is. A certain someone would tease her for the rest of her life, or push her to write more lyrics, or maybe together they'd—
Stop. Why… Why me?
Her fingers dig into her forearms, not rough enough to leave marks, just enough to bring her feet back to solid ground.
All under control.
Shadows dance across her pale skin as her pale curtains flutter. A breeze brushes over her arms and her hairs stand on ends. Miko hugs herself. With a muted shiver, she vainly wishes for company. Her heavy sigh spirals and forms a tiny wisp, floating and fading away.
"You won again…"
She shakes her oversized sleeves away and shuts the window. The curtains close and she wraps her fluffy white bathrobe tighter around herself.
"You always do."
Dark. It's quiet. It's calming. It's inviting her deepest thoughts that wouldn't dare face the broad daylight. When it's night, she can only dwell on them, let them fester.
Miko can only let her imagination wander as it pleases. Sleep doesn't come easy anymore, not without some gentle help. She doesn't know what she'd do without Koyori, though she wonders if chemists can administer sleep medicine without a license… Miko hasn't grown an extra head yet, so it's probably fine.
Besides, when did dangerous substances ever taste like strawberry milk? And, even though Miko teases her junior quite a bit, it takes a real genius to make a sleeping potion with nothing more than the common grocery list!
As if on cue, her eyelids grow heavy. She falls onto her soft white bed.
Alone, until the phantom touch of her hugs Miko from behind with all of her weight. Frankly, it isn't much, but annoying enough to remind Miko that she's there. Always will, but not for the reason Miko wants it to be.
Her dreams are still horribly vivid.
She doesn't need this self-indulgent, imaginary comfort. She tries to push away, but then they start pushing each other around. The song she hums starts to sound… familiar .
A vortex pulls her like gravity to a familiar stage. Miko couldn't tell which. One of the many she and her have shared.
They perform together. They come as a set. They're entertainers. They're business partners.
Until she sang Miko's song. Everyone loved it. Miko did too, more than she was ready for. She wonders why she was chosen in the first place. Miko has been looking for an answer for what feels like years.
The tears couldn't stop.
But it has to stop. It stops here. Let these feelings collect dust too, inside her closet. Just let them go back to normal.
Miko can't tell if her eyes are open or closed. Motionless. The bed might swallow her whole. At least then, she won't mess up this partnership. If she has a duty, Miko sees it through, no matter what.
But that never keeps her from looking up at the sky, admiring the blue, the gray, and the hidden stars.
She rolls onto her side, away from the window. She attempts to screw her eyes shut, if they aren't already, only to fly open at a sudden noise.
Lucky for her, it's no late-night intruder. Her cell buzzes on her cluttered nightstand. Miko slaps her hand over the surface, hitting a plush red crocodile creature off by accident.
A sharp gasp pierces the heavy air. " Hogechi!"
Miko fumbles off the bed to hold her friend close, a reassuring squeeze to let the fire croc know everything is alright now.
The midnight caller hasn't taken the hint. She glares daggers to threaten it into silence, waiting for it to stop on its own. A few seconds of rhythmic buzzing pass. Miko slumps and picks it up.
Merely looking at the name causes her breath to hitch. She hugs Hogechi a bit tighter, swallows a lump, curls her toes, then exhales for five beats.
She answers.
"Hey…"
A chuckle — the dainty kind that the wind barely fails to muffle. High spirits. Likely recorded a song. Probably an original since it's at night.
It's still terrifying to talk to her. Thank goodness it's not a video call.
"Yo Mikochi~ You still up?"
"What d'you think?" Miko deadpans.
The rude laughter turns into a cackle. "I think that you articulate better while sleep-talking! You should sleep all the time. Oh! Stream while sleeping! Or is that still against TOS?"
Weirdo. The bar is set pretty high for her, but this brand of 3AM weirdness is especially so. Miko-at-3AM usually isn't trying to sleep though, so they're both having weird days.
"I'll articulate your face if you don't explain yourself."
"Oooh, how threatening! And curious how that works. I'll wait here and you can show me!"
A long groan. "Not in the mood."
The tone quickly softens at the sound of her dulled words. "Alright alright, enough jokes… Well, it'll be easier if you see for yourself. Open your window?"
"Huh?"
No way.
Miko jumps to her feet. She pulls the right one completely aside. With one hand, she unlocks the metal latch and throws the window open.
Below, Suisei waves to her, phone up against her right ear.
"Heyo~ Let me in?"
That expression… her smile.
That carefree, dorky, beaming smile like she won a million yen.
"Mikochi?"
Her teeth grit. She grips the phone harder, enough to make her hand tremble.
"It's cold outside, idiot! Stupid! Stay there!"
Suisei visibly winces. She jerks back the phone at arm's length, right eye squeezing closed.
"Owow ow! —"
Miko hangs up. She turns on her heel and briskly walks down the stairs, grumbling about how Suisei rightfully earned the plaque of "Stupidest Hololive member". It'll probably be a fine addition to other awards. Right between her "Most Insensitive Jerk" trophy and "Stubborn as a Mule" medal. Add a record for records and wow, Suisei really keeps winning.
She gets to her front entrance and pushes the door open. The night chill immediately racks throughout her loose pajamas. Miko narrows her eyes at Suisei. She waves again and drags her feet to the doorstep.
Why does she have to look so happy? Miko wants to tell her to leave but it might rain sooner rather than later.
"Get in already! I'm gonna get frostbiteee~" Miko whines. She flails her sleeve like a flag.
Suisei moves no faster. Slower if anything. With a roll of her eyes, Miko steps further outside to grab her thin arm. She yanks her late-night intruder into her house without any fanfare. Her disapproving head shake has no effect on Suisei's mood as she giggles with glee.
Miko shakes her head. She walks inside and fixes her robe. "Why are you here?"
"So were you really about to sleep?" Suisei ignores her question, slipping off her white coat to reveal a sleeveless black turtleneck. "Why so early? For you, I mean."
From the couch, Miko furrows her brows. Her lips purse up into an upward arrow. "Uh, I had stuff on my mind. And what about you—"
"Aww, do you sleep while hugging Hogechi? You're such a kid~"
She hides Hogechi away from those mirthful eyes. It's easy to get lost in them. Miko won't let her win, again. What is her deal tonight? Count on Suisei to be a royal pain to deal with.
"So what if I do?! Which I don't… Not every night at least! A-Anyways there's nothing wrong with holding something cute. You should know!"
Suisei shoos Miko aside to make room for her. "Excuses don't look good on you."
"It's a fact that you play with dolls." Miko scoots over.
"One out of five facts are wrong." Suisei sits down, beaming from ear to ear. "The internet told me so. They said the same thing about scientists and doctors."
There's a faint cold air. Miko pulls her legs to her chest as it passes by. "Must be Koyo then."
"Rude. She'll cry if she hears her 'Miko-nye-san' say that."
"Kidding, obviously."
She faces the other way. "Speaking of, you've been in her lab more. Something up?"
Miko yawns. "Nah. The usual… lab assistance?"
Suisei nods. She doesn't bother with a response.
A clock ticks. The leaky sink leaks. They sit in painful silence. Suisei keeps looking around the living room like it's an art showcase. There's nothing impressive to look at except the mass of clothes strewn on the floor. Miko anticipates some kinda joke about that. Instead, Suisei prolongs the silence by entertaining herself with this domestic spectacle.
Miko slumps back against the couch. "So are you gonna do nothing but bother me?"
"Yep," Suisei unabashedly affirms. "Had some energy from recording to spare so I decided to spend it on someone."
She really didn't need this tonight. Her stomach is doing flips and the stirred acids make her queasy. It's not that Koyori's sleep meds are faulty, she isn't gonna doubt her friend, whether she really is the one in five or not. They've been working fine these past weeks.
No. Suisei is just plain scary.
"Mission accomplished. Now warm up and go home."
Miko needs more time away from her.
Even if she has to crank her sass up to eleven, it'll be better than being around Suisei when her dinner decides to come back up. Not to mention the persistent palpitations shy of warranting a heart attack, or the sudden heat coming on in the middle of the freezing night.
She lets go of her partner plushie. Hogechi comfortably rests against the couch cushion. Miko pushes herself off the couch without another word.
"Warm up, you say?"
She's barely given a beat of time to respond. Two boney hands grab Miko by the waist and pull her back to the couch. Her first instinct is to struggle against the sudden attack, but she relents once Suisei shifts from a firm grip to a crushing embrace. It's like when she hugged life-sized Ankimo except waaay more terrifying now that Miko is on the receiving end of that death grip.
"S-Sui-chan?!" She squeaked. "What the hell?!"
"Doing as you told me, Ma'am!"
And she smiles like a collapsing star — a star that could substitute the sun if she ever felt like it. She does whatever the heck she wants whenever, and almost always gets it her way. Destroying the sun would be a cakewalk when she has the time to. Suisei always wins. And she's winning against Miko again.
It's unfair. There's only ever one winner.
"…Why?"
"Uhm, because it's cold tonight and they always say sharing body heat—"
"No. Not that." Miko pulls away, enough to have a sliver of personal space.
Why does it have to be you? Why do winners get none of the heartache? Why can't I hate you? Why…
"Why come here?"
Suisei shrugs. "Why not?"
Her hold slackens. A weight falls into the crook of her neck. Miko turns but still can't see her expression that well.
"Explain?" She asks.
"Felt like it."
Miko rolls her eyes. To top off her wonderful personality, Suisei has a stubborn streak that shows up on a whim to sweep the uncomfortable elephant in the room under the cleanest rug. What a heartthrob…
She gives into the flow. "How was your recording?"
"Pretty good. New song sounds great, obviously," she proudly said. "Y'know, the vocal training is paying off surprisingly well."
"Mhm? Hoshimachi's finally leveling up… Can't wait to hear it." With all the crap they give each other, that doesn't stop her from looking forward to what Suisei sings. She relaxes into the hug.
Suisei nods in response and the conversation hangs in the air for a mere moment as Miko shifts her position. She notices that the couch feels different. Looking down, she figures out she hasn't even been sitting on the couch — Suisei is. Miko, on the other hand, has been seated on Suisei's thin leg this whole time.
Suddenly, her chest burns up. It's too warm now. Sweltering even. Miko wasn't exactly ready to deal with Suisei in her place on a Wednesday night. Now she's got her guard all the way down and Suisei can very well walk all over her.
Miko turns and clears her throat. "What's it sound like? Any hints?"
"One: it's a secret."
"Laaame."
Suisei pulls her cheek like a piece of clay. She likes squishing her, for whatever sadistic reason in that crazy noggin.
"Patience, young one," she chides with poise, even though Miko is her elder… "Two: I'm the one handling the lyrics."
Miko's eyes widen. "Oh wow, that's really awesome!"
Whether consciously or not, Miko ends up falling in love with the songs Suisei writes the lyrics for. A part of her can't help but appreciate that personal touch, like a hands-on approach that reassures that these words represent the voice singing it in the most intimate way.
Kinda sounds creepy if she says that aloud. Miko would rather not give Suisei any more leverage or wins.
Yet the Suisei holding her makes a vague, unamused noise, like a grunt. "I guess. I mean it's already done but I'm not really feeling some parts… something's off. Can't tell if it's the track itself or how I'm singing it."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"What's going on with you?" Suisei asks.
"Sui-chan…" Miko sighs.
"I'll be able to sort it out after tonight. I know I will. Forget it." Her grainy voice says otherwise.
She's getting too used to this pattern. Miko relents and answers, "Nothing big. Work and streaming like usual."
"Right. You're collabing a lot lately."
"I am?" Confused, Miko tries counting on her fingers. There was a Mario Party collab, then a rare one-on-one with Flare. Maybe the main holo channel stream with Kanata also counts?
She hears her scoff. "Already five so far since last week."
How does Suisei know? Hasn't she been busy too? Miko wonders what she's been doing during all that free time. For her, she hasn't been able to watch Suisei. Or… more like she couldn't bring herself to.
"Do you have any more coming up?"
Miko squints at the ceiling. "Uh, maybe one with Akutan if things work out?"
She spares a glance behind her at the mention of Aqua.
"Even Akutan? Sheesh, try the janitor next, why don't you..."
Instead of the usual interrogation and fit of jealousy, Suisei's expression is listless, eyes vacant of stars or any hints at her thoughts. She snaps out of it with a jolt before forcing a laugh. Light returns to those bright blue orbs.
"What about those project plans you mentioned to us? Uhm…" Suisei snaps her fingers. She pretends to know what she's talking about.
Good thing Miko actually does. "Staff won't approve. At least, I doubt they will. They've denied less."
She shrugs. "You never know until you bash it into their heads."
"That's your thing. I don't have the muscle to push the matter further." Miko emphasizes with a finger into her arm.
Those deceptive ramen noodles Suisei has for limbs prove to be more defined than she expected. Still thin and slender, but defined in a modest sense rather than squishy. A stark contrast from Miko who is exactly that, yet Suisei can't seem to let go of her. Not that it's bad. It's like they fit together naturally, filling in the pieces the other lacks.
Her smirk grows suspiciously smug. Suisei doesn't know what she just thought, right? It's too dark to see Miko that well, right? Right.
"Well, you don't need that much leverage sometimes, take it from me. Stand strong and pressure them into a corner. What I do works, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it always does…"
Miko hunches over, curling into herself and away from Suisei. Is there a draft coming in? She didn't notice. Maybe Suisei has a point about that body heat sharing to stick by each other, side by side, always…
"But still, I can't do that."
Another lull, one that makes Miko sweat buckets and bite her lip. Why did she go and bring down the mood like that? Suisei probably needs cheering up, for… whatever reason she refuses to say. Doesn't matter. She has to set her feelings aside and Miko hasn't been doing a good job of that.
Suisei loudly clears her throat. The couch shifts. "Anyone can. But, if even Mikochi gets stuck during planning, then it's a pretty fair judgment."
"What do you mean— nmf?!"
Something soft nuzzles against her face. Hogechi shakes in front of her. A crackly, high-pitched voice speaks to her.
"I know Mikochi can figure it out! Or make ideas even better than before! Hogeee~! "
Hogechi continues to squish against her cheek. Miko giggles from how ticklish it feels. "Thanks, Hogechi." She cranes her neck to see Suisei, who suddenly avoids her gaze. "You too Sui-chan."
"Psh, it's nothing, Hogechi takes all the credit in the end," Suisei mutters quickly and lets Hogechi rest beside them.
She's such a bad liar… okay, not really, but you can see Suisei's embarrassment from space if you push the right buttons.
So Miko does just that and pushes her luck again. "Right back at you. If there's something wrong—"
"Nope." She pulls Miko closer.
"Then, can you let go?"
"No." She squeezes tighter.
Again with this… Miko has had it with Suisei's shoddy attempts at being aloof and mysterious. The more she deflects, the more Miko wants to know, even though she has to walk away after tonight. There's something bothering her but Suisei refuses to put it into words. That something might be the real reason she's here. Though, it's clear that she won't spill the beans yet. Miko can't do that without some answers. She can't keep getting away with it.
She needs Suisei to talk.
Miko needs to stand firm.
But… no matter how many questions Miko asks, Suisei likely won't crack without the right one, nor the right phrasing, or tone. Confusing feelings and contradicting conclusions swirl around her head, slowing her gears, and she only had two words to use:
"Why me?"
She's been asking that for a long time, guessing at the answers but will never say.
Something in the air shifts. "I felt like it."
Her groan escapes through gritted teeth. "I see."
She senses Suisei shifting and moving behind her. Miko unconsciously follows and falls into her thin yet not-so-boney form. A finger squishes her nose.
"Isn't it nice to catch up?"
Miko rubs the back of her hand over it like a smear of paint. "You have my number. Why come see me directly?"
"Dunno."
"Do you have to stay this close?"
A stretch of silence, long enough to bridge a chasm. Neither has stepped foot on it. They're afraid of the boards snapping under their weight, of being helpless as it falls apart into the abyss and gravity pulls them along with it.
Suisei breathing becomes sharp and awkward. "If you hate it then tell me. Why can't you talk to me anymore?" Her fingers curl.
Between the two, Suisei is the bolder risk-taker. However scared she may be, Suisei finds her strength. The tiniest motion forward from Suisei inspires so many, not because she's bright or special or talented. That's not really why she wins.
Peel all that away and they aren't so different. She's naked and human and that's why she glows.
That's why Miko can find her strength too, even if she can't be strong enough, even when she's scared to death.
"I might be sick. I have been for a while."
Suisei's audible confusion prompts her to keep going. Miko wants to hug her tighter, purely to anchor herself.
She doesn't know how else to put it. Her small fib snowballs into a panicked admission.
"Even now, my heart's going crazy, like it can't keep up. I can't keep my head on straight, some kinda fever. A crazy high one. Everything is hot and my stomach is acting funny. I'm doing things I wouldn't do, thinking about things I'd rather forget… There's nothing wrong, but I feel wrong."
In the cold silence, Suisei's grip slackens.
They're both cowards. They don't know what to do with each other, or themselves.
"Until I can get rid of it, don't come near me… 'kay? I don't need you getting involved. I'll sort it out alone soon enough and we can go back to our normal business."
Miko lifts herself up. She leans away from her. Each weighted second she spends staring at the fibers of her carpet. She and Suisei have the same one. Hers has a browning stain, likely from last week's trip and she spilled hot cocoa. She should've made some to shoo Suisei away if she just wanted to "stay warm".
Anything else would do. Anyone else would.
"Are you stupid?"
Miko rears her head around, offended. Suisei finally lifts her head up. She's anything but impressed or amused. A hand runs through her bangs and slicks them back, her brow wrinkling as she mumbles other insults.
"Your heart pounding against your ribs, that fever, that nausea, and the thoughts that won't let you escape, even as you sleep? I'm the same. Because this whole week," she straightens her back, "I've been thinking about you… even when you weren't around."
She lets Miko go to caress her cheeks. Her tender touch treats Miko like fine art, a porcelain doll. Both hands falter as the soft pad of her thumb grazes her lips. Miko holds her breath as Suisei lets go of hers, stuttering, eyes glassy. She sees her smile break.
"So there's nothing that's gonna hurt me, or you. Please stop trying to run."
And there's the Suisei that shines: the one that's scared but forces her real feelings out there and asks selfishly for them to be returned.
She thought she loved the girl she saw in the skies as much as she was scared of her. Miko was wrong. She loves the boundless skies she sees in the girl, scared to let herself become a part of it if she loses herself in the process.
"Stop pushing me away… We're the same, aren't we?"
It's Suisei — always has been — who waits in anxious anticipation for Miko's answer, no matter how muddled or clumsy.
Miko swallows. She turns herself around to face Suisei properly, who's trying to hide her desperation in her clenched fists, beads of sweat trickling down her temple despite the chill.
She melts at the sight.
"We are."
Suisei gasps as Miko falls for her. Their noses brush. The black sky bleeds and pools around their entangled embrace. Hidden stars burst into cobalt hues and paint over the dark canvas. Suisei is all she sees.
"I'm sorry I ignored you," Miko admits.
" I'm sorry I didn't do anything," Suisei returns immediately.
They glare at each other for a moment. Soft sighs entangle and dissolve into meaningless giggling.
Miko likes it when Suisei and her laugh together. It sounds like their own weird song.
Speaking of, Miko makes another push. She draws circles on Suisei's collarbone. "Can't you hum a bit of it?"
"Of what?"
"Your new song."
Hesitant, Suisei licks her lips. Her eyes dart down for half of a beat before growing wide. Miko smiles and gives in.
Their first kiss is a brief peck. Then, Miko showers her in a dozen gold-tinged kisses, trailing up from those slightly chapped lips to the tip of her small nose.
"You've already done it before, tons of times! Pretty please?" She keeps going.
And then Suisei laughs like diamonds. "Fine, you win~"
"Yay!" Miko wraps her arms around her shoulders into a crushing hug.
Suisei attempts to pat her back. "I haven't written love songs before, so promise not to laugh?"
"Love song?"
A rare flush covers Suisei's cool expression. "Yeah. I don't know much, but I thought seeing you again would…"
Miko squints, then fills in the gap. Her room feels warm again but she doesn't mind. She lets them be even closer, to feel her pulse against her chest, "Dummy…no promises."
Suisei shakes her head before a gentle tune carries them above the clouds. There's no studio or backing track or auto-tune or fancy mixing between them. It's perfect.
Miko's favorite part is the rhythm of her heartbeat. She dreams of her star singing this on stage as the girl who holds her hand.
"The moon is so bright tonight, Mikochi. All the clouds are gone."
Eventually, Miko falls asleep, and the song has to end. Soon enough, beyond the dream, she'll open the curtains to a perfect sky.