Chapter Text
Nothing was the same after his father came back from his mission, he was surrounded by insults and outrageous accusations, but when Kakashi asked what was happening to his father, he just smiled back sadly and guided him home.
Next day, the sun was shining brightly, seeing that Sakumo was still sleeping, Kakashi decided to go to the market to buy food.
It wasn't like his father to sleep in so late, but his latest mission had certainly taken its toll on him.
While he was walking he was surrounded by harsh whispers.
'Do they really think I can't hear what they say? Pathetic!', Kakashi thought bitterly as he continued walking on.
After a while, as the young boy walked home, limping, he remembered what happened
Kakashi walked towards a shop to buy vegetables for their supper, since his father, the White fang, was always outside on mission it was his job to prepare their food and Kakashi excelled in that category. When he entered the shop, he could hear whispers all around him.
'Isn't that the boy'
'After everything, how dare he show his face in public'
'Hear me out, one day he is going to betray this village just like that old traitorous man did
Kakashi felt his blood boil but forced himself to ignore it, after all, what he didn't need was trouble.
"How much does this eggplant cost?", he asked to the shopkeeper
"It isn't for you. Get out!"
"Sir, I have money. I can pay"
"Didn't I tell you to get lost? What are you still doing here, go away. You're shunning away my customers", the man angrily spat
Around him civilians and shinobi, alike, began speaking
'Can you believe his nerve!'
'Yeah, if I were him, I wouldn't even get out of the house'
'He should just go away, he doesn't deserve to be here.'
Kakashi recognized the last man as his father's teammate on his latest mission, yet his bitter tone confused him. His dad had saved him from his doom then why was the man so angry?
Seeing as the shopkeeper wouldn't let him buy anything, Kakashi left and tried other stores only to get the same results.
As we began walking towards the Hatake compound empty-handed, a shinobi blocked his way.
Anger radiated from as his face transformed into pure hatred.
"What are you doing here? You don't deserve to be here! If it weren't for your traitorous father, my wife would still be alive! It's all that bastard's fault."
Cold fury shot through Kakashi's body, that man had no right to call his father a 'bastard', before he even realised what he was doing, the boy shouted at the man, in pure hatred and anger. He knew that in a direct battle he would stand no chance, that he should just ignore it and keep walking, but his emotions blinded his common logic...
"My father is a hero, he saved many people and...", suddenly Kakashi was thrown back with tremendous force and he coughed blood.
A punch was directed to his stomach making him drop his bag and wheeze for air. He felt tears pricking from the corners of his eyes.
"You're defending the traitor?! You have no idea what your father has done! He prolonged this war, he had the chance to end it, yet he still refused to do so. Now, many lives will be lost and that's on him. Don't believe me? Then go and ask your cowardly father and tell him to show his face in public, if he has the courage to."
Instead of helping the 5 year old boy, civilians started to crowd the place and watch what was happening.
"How dare you insult my father, he would never do such a thing!"His voice came out weak but determined.
The man, Jogo, as Kakashi remembered, was also on Sakumo's latest mission and also happened to be his father's best friend.
But his outburst made the man even more angry, forgetting that the boy was once his best friend's son, he unsheathed the kunai and advanced on him. Kakashi, being really skilled in the art of fighting, could parry most of the attacks but not all of them, the man was a seasoned professional and a trained killer.
If Kakashi fought good, he fought better
If Kakashi was agile, he was faster
If Kakashi knew how to pack a punch, he threw his much stronger.
One of his kicks found his place on the young boy's shin ,as the said fell down, wincing in pain.
"Should we help him?", he could hear a shinobi ask
"Nah, the traitor's son deserves it", the other answered.
When the man was done, Kakashi was covered in bruises and on the verge of crying out from the pain. He got up fastly and ran toward the safety of his house. While limping, he decided to ask his father whether what the man said was true or just a lie.
Coming home he made sure to hide his bruises with a thick cloak and entered his father's room. The climate inside seemed so sad and tense as his father lay down on the floor. For a moment panic seized Kakashi as he quickly kneeled down to check for a pulse, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"What's wrong 'Kashi?", Sakumo asked, confused by his son's action.
Remembering why he was here, Kakashi straightened his back.
"I want to know what happened on the mission, tou-chan",
Sakumos sighed, he knew one day or another this would come up.
"What do you know?", the man asked
"Jogo-san said you abandoned an important mission that could have ended the war, you disobeyed the rules and now, everyone has to pay for your mistakes. That's not true right?", the boy asked desperately, hoping it was wrong. Hoping that his father, the Great White Fang of Konoha wouldn't take such a reckless decision.
But his question was met with silence and for Kakashi was all that was needed.
"Why, father?"
"I couldn't...couldn't let my friends die"
Kakashi wanted to retaliate that answer, shout at his father how reckless he had been by saving his friends, those friends who didn't give a damn to him. But he kept quiet because deep down, he knew that his father was hurting, and he did not want to cause more pain.
So, he slowly left the room.
. . . . . . some weeks later
After that fateful mission, his father never came out of the house, so all the weight of maintaining the roof over their heads fell upon Kakashi.
He would go to the market only to come home beaten and empty-handed. His father would never notice because he was too sad and grieving, to pay any attention to what was going on, but that was fine because he was still his father and one day he would see the kind smile displayed again on that tired old face.
Sakumo started drinking to forget all that happened, he would come home everyday drunk and would sometimes even beat his own son, because he didn't want him to be a failure like him, but Kakashi took it all without a single whimper. Because he was his father and one day it would all change.
"'Kashi! Come down here...", his words would always come out slurred after drinking sake.
"You can't become like me, not like I am", and he would throw the glass bottle to where his only son was, the shards would embed the young boy's body, releasing blood, but the said would stay quiet. He trained Kakashi, pushing the boy's limits, until both of them were tired and on the verge of passing out, his son more than him, then he would go to his room to not come out until the next day.
Everytime his father would come home drunk, chills travelled through Kakashi's spine and fear resided in his young heart. He held many scars made by the villagers and his own father, yet not all scars were visible to the naked eye. He was hurting but no one saw, nor did anyone care. Sometimes, he just wanted to give up but berated himself every time that thought entered his mind because he had to be strong for his father, and he knew that his father wouldn't give up on him either.
The supper he made for his father would always remain intact and untouched. It hurt having so much weight and responsibility put on his young and bare shoulders, but he took it silently because one day, he believed his dad would get better and things would go as they were years ago.
Kakashi kept the naive hope as days became weeks that turned into months which completed into a whole year, but Sakumo showed no recovery.
Soon paying the taxes became very hard, so Kakashi started to advance quickly in ranks, because the chunin pay was more than a genin's. But it wasn't enough, the debt was becoming overbearing. But no one would hire Sakumo again for his failure and neither his offspring.
It was hard for him to not have a childhood like other kids his age, but Sakumo needed time and he loved his father so it was fine if Kakashi had to lose in some ways.
When he was still in the academy he had two friends, Obito and Rin, but when he graduated he stopped seeing them even when they happened to coincidentally meet upon the main street, he would just ignore them. It hurt the pair, he knew, but he wouldn't let the hate the villagers had for him affect them, they were great friends, one he would always remember even if they didn't meet each other or even if they started hating him.
Wherever Kakashi went villager would ostracise him
"Look, it's him"
"He and his father should just be gone"
"I don't know why the Hokage even let them live here."
One day, he just snapped at his father. It was infuriating his calmness upon the whole situation
"You're not the one who goes out there and suffers! Everyday...I'm sick of this...", he had shouted, hand slamming upon their small dinner table, breaking his rice bowl, accidentally, in the process.
The look his father gave him was pure sadness, like the last thread he was balancing on suddenly broke. Unable to support all the tension, Kakashi started running, it didn't matter where, out of the house and aiming without any direction.
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Sakumo was heartbroken, he knew the village hated him and because of that his son suffered but he never thought that his own son, his own flesh and blood, would see him as a shame. That one day he would agree with them, it was a naive hope, he knew. He was the cause that Kakashi got hurt everyday, so it was his right to hate his father for that. Then he saw the bottle of alcohol spread over the floor and the blood stains violently rubbed on the wall, and it all came back to him. Emptiness filled him as his eyes widened with hazy memories.
It was his mistake that dragged them both down the hole and now it was his duty to do his best, and save his son from the doom he would sooner or later face.
Flash Back
"Don't you know how much Kakashi suffers? Because of your mistake! Why should your son carry the burden of your sins on his shoulder? If you just died, it would be just a good riddance, and think about it, your son would be able to have a life that is not bound to his past. A clean slate", Jugo had said to him some days ago.
Him and some other men had come and 'knocked' hardly on his door.
And Sakumo just couldn't bear it, that his death would ensure his son's future. He wanted Kakashi to have an incredible future, one he wouldn't be able to give as long as he was alive.
For his son to gain something he would have to lose and that was alright as long as he was happy.
"You're not the one who goes out there and suffers! Everyday...I'm sick of this...", he remembered his words, they were full of pain and pent up frustration that had finally become overbearing, And he had all right to take it out on his old man, afterall, wasn't all of this his fault.
Tears pricked in his eye's corner, he knew what he had to do.
Seppuku
But he knew one thing, no matter how much it made everyone hate him, even his own son, even if he could go back he wouldn't change a single thing. For him friendship and love and emotion would always...always be stronger than rules and one-tracked mindsets.
He would have to die to ensure that one day, his precious son, could have a future.
He knew that his son would be hurt and hate him for this, for leaving him alone in such a cruel world. But, he hoped that one day, he would understand and come to terms with it.
He wasn't asking for him to forgive him but to understand him and his reasons.
Tears were flowing freely on his pale face and his hands curled into fists as the weight and consequences of what he had to do fell upon him.
After a long time his son had slammed the door and run away, he muttered
"I'm sorry", his voice came out fragile, decided, sad and heartbroken.
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Kakashi stopped at a point, his chest heaving up and down violently and cold air pressurising his lungs.
Tears of frustration flowed on his face, he hadn't meant to shout at his father, he didn't want to see that hurt and sorrow in his eyes again. Because no matter what happened, he would always love his father and wanted to be like and with him. Both of them supporting each other, just like it had always been after his mother's death.
His father was already hurt by everyone, the last thing he needed was someone else to rub salt in his already open wounds.
He had agreed with his father's actions, weren't teammates the most important thing after family? But the villager's would say otherwise, everyone would say that the ninja regulation was the right way and also the key to become a good shinobi. So after he graduated, he began following the rules, hoping that one day he would lift the disgrace cast upon his family name.
He knew what needed to be done, he would go home; apologise to his father and tell him how much he was important to him and how much he cared.
He got up, knees buckling from the sudden movement but he quickly balanced himself and ran towards the only safe place he could call "home".
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He knew that the only weapon that could take his life away was the same one who saved it more than once. His tanto was a family gift given to him by his mother's instants before she died.]
It was such a beautiful night, the moon's silver flow seemed to be illuminating the fateful room. Underneath it's angelic aura, it was almost a bitter irony, that underneath this scenery someone could be weeping and suffering.
After his mission the only thing that was discernible in his eyes was sadness, sorrow and sometimes recognition. It was funny how things can change so fast. Before he held his head high and his eyes shone with determination and love, afterwards it changed to grief, sorrow and sadness. But after losing his son's trust and realising just how much he had put Kakashi through, the only emotion in his eyes was defeat. Defeat and acceptance.
As he raised his blade high to commit the fatal and irreversible blow, memories flowed through his mind
"Sakumo, one day, you will be protecting the village. It will be your purpose and cause.", his father with his words of wisdom. A deja vu pricked at the back of his mind.
"Go! The enemy is too strong. Take this blade and remember, once a Hatake, always a Hatake. Take this blade and honour it for it will be your companion through difficult times, just like it was for me.", his mother's words before sacrificing herself for her son.
"Would you agree with all the decisions I have made until this day, mother?", he asked himself.
"I have and will always love you. That day, your stubbornness and kindness ignited in me this love and now nothing is going to change. I will wait for you and Kakashi, my love, on the other side...", his wife's and Kakashi's mother's last word before dying
But upon all these memories, one shone more brightly than the others.
It had been Kakashi's fourth birthday and they were walking alongside each other in the park. His son dragged him towards the playground and had asked for him to help him get on a swing.
As a prodigy, Kakashi generally didn't do such things, but as no one was around he felt the childish need to have fun and Sakumo had nothing against it. After the playground, they played tag for a while and trained while playing. Some other day it would have been strange seeing Konoha's White Fang playing and having fun like that, but today was an exception. That day was one of the best of his life, after playing they ate a double popsicle and Sakumo carried a drowsy Kakashi home.
"You know, one day I want to be just like you Dad", he had said, and Sakumo had replied
"That day will be happiest of my life", he ruffled his son's hair
Thick tears shone on the man's tired and old face, as he realised that he will never spend such valuable time with his son again. But he hoped that one day, Kakashi would find someone who could make him happy and give him time, like Sakumo wanted but never could.
A part of him wanted to stop the blade from penetrating his body, as his white kimono was covered crimson, a moan of pain slipped from his mouth and he breathed him final gasp of air, remembering why he did this in the first place and for the first time after such a long time, his eyes shone with determination.
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When Kakashi reached home, the house was eerily silent. This left a strange gut feeling in his stomach, slowly he opened the door and stepped on the tatami.
There was no one in the kitchen, and the dishes were just like when he left, food splattered all over the place. He slowly cleaned and put the dishes in the sink for washing. Afterwards, he entered all the rooms in the Hatake Compound, but his father was nowhere to be seen.
Tiptoeing he walked towards his dad's room
"Dad?", he asked
His call was met with deathly silence, there was no sound made other than the occasional crittering of insects.
Thinking that his father must be mad at him for his little outburst, he tried to start a conversation and confess his feelings.
"I'm really sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I love you, I need you, please open the door", still no response
"Father, please. I'm sorry!"His body racked against the door in silence. A strong iron smell invaded his nostrils and kept him wondering how he hadn't realised it before.
"Dad, is everything alright?", he couldn't associate the smell with anything...he tried hard to remember...
Iron scent.....BLOOD
Kakashi threw the door open and gasped at the sight. His father, the man he loved and admired most in this world, died at his feat. His blood dripping from his blade, flowing through his pale kimono and marking the tatami underneath, as a trauma, he would never forget.
He ran towards his father's cold body, his feet stained by the blood soaked in the tatami as he knelt by his father, and whispered
"No, no, nononono, no...", hoping this was all just a cruel nightmare. But the absence of pulse and the shadow of a smile cast on the late's face pointed otherwise.
He stared at those cold and bloodstained arms that once were warm and had held him through all the difficult times in his life, knowing that his father would never ever hug him or ruffle his hair to show how much he was proud.
"Why? Why'da do it? You were everything to me, why would you leave me alone? Why like this, without a goodbye or saying anything, how could you be so heartless? How could you take the easy way out and leave me here to suffer? Is this my fault, did you leave because of me? Because of what I said? Because I was such a disappointment?"Thousands of thoughts circled in the child's mind. But the only thing that reached his mouth was a scream
"WHY?!", that word gave everything away, the pain, the sorrow, the betrayal, the bitterness, the frustration. But, most of all, heartbreak.
"All this time I held on, so why couldn't you?"
His anguish filled sobs filled the house,and he could hear someone run on the tatami and close the house's gate. A set of footsteps leaving the place, but among all the emotions in his head, the possibility that he wasn't the only one alive in this house was long forgotten.
Thick tears flowed on his face and his eyes and nose were red from the scrubbing, his palms were bleeding from the pressure his nails put and his mouth was opened in a scream-like position. He took out the tanto engraved in his father's stomach and realised that the object was now his possession. He felt bile reach his mouth and he soon succumbed into unconsciousness.
The next time he woke up was in a hospital, his eyes opened to see a young man with sun kissed blond hair.
He smiled at him warmly, just like his father used to. His father...suddenly everything came back to him and he struggles to get out of the hospital bed
"Hey, hey! Wait! It's fine, you're safe", he could hear the stranger say but the only thing his mind registered was pain and hurt.
"Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out, calm down. You're not alone, I'm here and I'm not going to leave you", his voice was soothing and it warmed the child's heart. But something about his last words made him snap and sob into the man's arm like a small child, which he was, even if sometimes he would forget these things.
Kakashi, the prodigy of your age, just sobbing like that in a stranger's arms, tch..., he criticised himself, but something made him stay in the embrace.
The man smelled of sun rays, beach and grass. He had a carefree personality too, from what he could deduce.
The next time he met the man was some days after in the Hokage's office. Hiruzen looked quietly upon the young shinobi, he felt his heart ache for the kid, but he knew that even as a chunin he was too young, and required a mentor, and Hiruzen was set on finding a good one.
"Hello, I'm Minato Naikaze. And I'm going to be your sensei", Minato was young, but he had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, he could be a figure in the boy's life, he didn't know he so desperately needed it.
"Kakashi", the boy muttered quietly, still uncertain of what to think about the man.
Sensing that, Minato gave one of his widest and happiest grins to him and Kakashi felt something warm in his heart.
Maybe, just maybe there was hope for him yet.
That day was marked Sakumo's funeral, almost no one came and those who did were there just to jeer at the once hero's demise.
That day he could hear the whispers
"Ugh, look it's the brat"
"Why couldn't he take his son with him, would have been such a good riddance!"
"He should take the easy way out and go just like his miserable old man did."
"Quiet, he can hear you!"
"So what? Let him!"
And people would laugh.
It hurt Kakashi, hearing those words was like plunging a knife in an already open wound and cruelly twisting it. Tears flew along with the wind as the young boy started running, desperate to get away from those people, who wouldn't even care if he just dropped dead one day.
Sakumo gave his life away hoping that his son wouldn't be affected by his decisions, that he could have a life. But the cruel reality turned otherwise, people hated and jeered at the young child wherever he went. And his father would roll in his grave if he knew the consequences of his decision and the villager's heartless behaviour.
Without his father to protect him, the villagers began hitting him and hurting him, but Kakashi tried his best to cover it all up so no one would realise the broken shards he was left to pick up or the burning scars underneath his indifferent facade.
Kakashi began using a mask to hide his similarity in facial features with his dad. And he soon learned that this world was a cruel and cold place to live, no one would care if one day he dropped dead, in fact they would celebrate. And slowly he began distancing himself from people and putting a cold hearted and indifferent mask on his face, one people couldn't see, one skillfully hidden, so no one could ever exploit the cracks because what lay underneath was too vulnerable and couldn't take more hurt and pain.
And one day he just began slowly losing his once naive and kind self to the facade that now turned into his real behaviour
But Minato tried his best to act as an older brother or maybe even a second father figure to the man, since he was one of the only precious people Kakashi ever let in, but even though the child trusted him, he couldn't see totally underneath his invisible facade and try to uncover his once true self. The young mentor couldn't see the scars that covered his youngest student's body, afterall, not all wounds are visible.
But underneath all the darkness there was still a sliver of hope left for the boy, all he needed was for the right person to come and give him the happiness he deserved. And that person would come in the form of Obito, Rin, Kushina and Minato-sensei. And afterwards maybe even Guy, Asuma, Kurenai and others.
And now you ask me
"Is this the end of this narrative?"
And I answer
"No, It's just the beginning of a legend. And I'm going to tell you all the story of a boy who was broken by everyone and everything around him, but never gave up. He always stayed strong because the will of fire and pure stubbornness burned brightly inside him.
A life of a boy who tried to be perfect and gain everyone's acceptance, but couldn't see that people already loved and accepted him for the way he was.
This is the tale of a person who fell more than once, but always came back from the ashes stronger and wiser than ever before.