Chapter Text
They gave me my ID today. It itches a little where they injected it, and when they turned it on for the first time, I swear it felt like a spider crawling along my spine.
The last few days have been kind of a blur. Like a long stretch of white and orange. I remember being surprised at how many others there were. They passed through each of us so quickly. The nurse gave us all the same friendly smile. Though…there was something else in his eyes. I’m not sure. I felt like a package on a conveyor belt, the way I was passed from hand to hand, poked and prodded, measured from head to toe.
They asked me questions, I think. Where was I born? Where did I study? Did I have any living family? Friends? Where did they study? Any allergies or known medical issues?
I guess I expected all of this. I guess. I mean, it’s what I wanted, you know? I still remember sitting in the crowd, watching with anticipation as my uncle and his platoon returned from their tour. Heroes, they had called them. They stepped out of their cockpits and waved to us. They didn’t take off their helmets, but that didn’t matter to me. Nobody would forget who they were. And when it was my turn, when I tore open that letter to see that I had been accepted into the academy, all I could think about was seeing myself on that stage someday. Nobody would forget who I was.
Our captain passed these journals out on the first day. Right, actually, I should start using full names and ranks. Captain Rhoe Taggert. A lot of what she said flew past me, but as I understand it, it’s supposed to help ground our state of mind, and serve as an outlet at the end of the day. That way, every time we enter the ARMOR, we’re a blank slate. I guess I kind of understand, but that’s not why I’m doing this
People seem surprised when I tell them this, but I never knew my uncle. At least, not as an uncle. I knew him the same as everyone else did, through his exploits, the records of his battles, the green glint of his ARMOR every time it shot across the sky. But not as a person. Not as an uncle. This was not from a lack of trying, mind you. I can’t count the number of times I begged my mother to let me meet him, just once. He was my family. He was a hero, and he was my flesh and blood, and yet he was like a ghost to us. But she refused. Always. Said he simply wasn’t worth getting to know. I never understood that.
Which is why I was so excited to write all this down. I can’t imagine not wanting to be remembered for the person you were. The person beneath the armor. If this ends up being the only thing left of me that people have, I want them to know exactly who I am.
And believe me, they will. My name is Second Lt. Feiyuu, of the 2455th Company, Volcano Brigade. Callsign: Hellhound. And I hope more than anything, that you’re reading this.