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You thought little of Lily Evans in your first few years at Hogwarts. You had been sorted into different houses and you talked with different people. You had no real reason or catalyst for taking much notice of her.
Perhaps your first impression of her was that she was quite smart. You shared classes together over the years and you were one of the many people that witnessed her excellence across various subjects.
Your next impression of her had been that she was associated with a rather obnoxious group of individuals. A few Gryffindor boys had quickly become notorious for their boldness. In your second month at Hogwarts you had fallen subject to one of their pranks.
They hadn’t meant for you to receive the pantsing-jinx, as they had explained to you after the fact, but at the time you had been mortified enough at your trousers dropping in front of the Great Hall that you had ignored their rather half-hearted apologies. Seeing as Remus Lupin was the one of the bunch to reverse the jinx with haste, while the rest of them, and most of the school for that matter, watched in stunned silence, you found that he was your favourite of the lot. That wasn’t saying much at the time, though, as you quickly decided that you hated all of them.
You took more notice of them afterwards, and couldn't help but catch on that when they talked outside of their group, they talked mostly with Lily Evans. Of course, that meant that you must hate her as well, as she was on friendly terms with them.
And so, for some time in your first year you held strong, negative, emotions for a lot of people that seemed not to notice you at all. Their ambivalence only furthered your dislike of them.
However, by the end of first year you had come to realise that perhaps Lily didn’t like the boys much at all. With time, she had become shorter with them and had even taken sometimes to ignoring their attempts to talk to her. Seeing as you only saw the lot of Gryffindors during meal times and classes, you weren’t quite sure where her dislike came from. You thought perhaps that if it wasn’t simply from their consistent obnoxiousness, then she must have grown tired of James Potter's rather bold liking of her. You thought that if someone had been so forward with yourself in their attempts to gain your interest, and you weren’t interested in them, you, too, would grow quite annoyed.
—
Over the next few years at Hogwarts, you had grown used to the groups’ antics, and didn’t find yourself hating them nearly as much as you had in your first year. In fact, you had taken a liking to Remus Lupin, though you often avoided conversation with the rest of them. You didn’t really understand why Remus had joined their group. He was so different from the rest of the lot. He was considerate and soft spoken and often avoided joining in on their pranks. He always took time to talk with you as you walked between classes together and he was one of your few friends at the school.
In your third year you thought that perhaps you might have developed feelings for the boy. You were young, and knew little of love, and thought that your trust and like of him must mean that you wanted to snog him. And one night, you did so. You weren’t quite sure how it had happened but some evening in mid-April you had been sitting together outside, taking cover from rain under a tree close to the Black Lake, when he leaned forward and kissed you. You were stock still for a moment, and when he pulled back you could do little but stare at him. You both blushed rather deeply, and you ran off to the comfort of the Ravenclaw Tower, as you were quite embarrassed.
As it turned out, running in the rain had caused you to catch a nasty cold, and the first night you laid in the hospital wing, Remus came to visit you. He was standing stiffly as he handed you a small batch of flowers. As you’d had time to reflect on your kiss, you decided to be straight-forward with the boy. You told him that you were sorry if it made things weird between you, and that you understood if he wanted time away from you, but that as it turned out, you did not have romantic feelings for him. Almost at once his shoulders dropped and he breathed a sigh of relief as he agreed with your sentiment and by the end of the conversation, you had both chalked the kiss up to confused emotions and naivete.
—
The summer after fourth year, you came to realise something very important about yourself: you were quite interested in girls romantically.
You began working in your fathers corner shop to make enough money to purchase a new broomstick as your last one was snapped efficiently in half at the end of the last term.
You had been flying with some fellow Ravenclaws around the school grounds, when you spotted a lot of seventh-year girls taking a dip in the Black Lake. The first moment you saw them you thought that it was rather dumb to swim in such a dangerous pool, as it was filled with a number of ghastly creatures. Then the next moment you found yourself looking quite intently at one of them as she laid out on the grass. You weren’t sure at the time why you had been so taken with the sight, but still, you had been distracted enough to fly directly towards the Whomping Willow, which promptly hit you right out of the sky.
You’d ended up with a few bruises and scrapes, but your broom had taken the brunt of the hit. It was splintered so badly that one half hung barely off the other.
As you worked during that summer in your fathers shop, you came to recognize a few regular customers. One young girl in particular stuck out to you. She looked to be a touch older than yourself, and she was rather pretty. She always made small talk with you, that, while innocent enough, usually left you blushing.
By mid-summer you had worked up the courage to ask her if she’d like to go out with you, as in “on a date” with you, as you’d rushed out in explanation. She accepted very happily and so you had a brief summer romance. You were both quite young to really be mature about the relationship, as you spent most of your time together holding hands and giggling, and you only properly snogged twice, but Rowena, when you had, it was completely wonderful. It was much different than the brief peck you had shared with Remus, and was, as you thought, much, much better. It felt right to be kissing such a pretty girl, and you’d told her as much.
However, at the end of the summer you’d decided that you perhaps shouldn’t be a part of a serious relationship with a muggle at your age. You’d come to that conclusion as you’d mailed letters between your closest friends, Remus and a fellow Ravenclaw, Sybill Trelawney. They’d both been perfectly accepting of your interest in girls, and had given you rather good advice all summer.
Sybill had suggested in the first place that you ask the girl out, and Remus had given you a great deal of date ideas. However, with time, and with many deliberations with your friends, you’d decided that you ought to end the summer romance before you left again to Hogwarts. You didn’t want your life as a witch or your time away from home to change your dynamic with the girl, and so in late August you’d had a rather melancholy discussion with her.
With a few tears and a kiss left on your cheek, she’d said a goodbye to you as you ended the relationship and prepared to go back to your school.
–
You began the school year feeling more downcast than you would’ve liked to feel. When you’d stepped into the train to Hogwarts, you’d first gone to greet Sybill, who gave you a long hug and kissed both of your cheeks. You almost blushed at the attention, and you told her that you’d meet back up in the Great Hall, as you still had to greet other friends.
Very quickly you’d found Remus, as his group was making a ruckus on the other side of the train. You’d heard them before you saw them, as James’ voice cut clear through the air as he called out to his friends.
“Did you hear what he said, Sirius? I think Snivellus wants a fight.”
A response from the other boy was quick to come, “Right then, James, we shouldn’t leave him waiting now.”
And then there was a rather distressed voice after, “Would you leave him alone?” You recognized it as Lily Evans. “He’s not done anything. You’re the one being a right git.”
And then you watched as Severus Snape pushed his way through the crowd around the scene, with his arms folded in front of him and his eyes cast downwards. Lily was right behind him, and as he came closer to where you were standing, you watched as she grabbed at his robe and he only shoved her hand off. She happened to meet your eyes as she stopped following the boy and you drew your brows together.
“Are you alright?” You queried and she scoffed.
“I’m fine, just fed up with those bloody twats.” You stood in silence for a moment as the crowd close to you began to disperse. “I’m Lily Evans, by the way,” she reached out a hand to shake yours.
“Right. I know. We’ve had classes together for four years now.”
“Oh,” she spoke a little sheepishly, dropping her hand, “I suppose I’ve never seen you before.”
You were a touch annoyed that she didn’t know who you were. You’d known who she was since first year.
“I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around, Evans,” you nodded curtly and turned to walk the other way. She simply watched as a girl she had never noticed before left, and she couldn’t help but feel like a bit of an arse.
–
The following Tuesday you found yourself sulking on your walk over to Transfiguration. It was your only class of the semester without any friends, and you wanted nothing more than to skip it entirely, but you felt as if that might not be a good way to start the school year.
You arrived after much of the rest of the class had, and found one of the few empty tables in the room. This class, along with many of the others across the school, used tables that fit two people, to make partnering for assignments less of a hassle. You chose a table in the second row, on the opposite side of the room as Sirius Black and James Potter, who were talking loudly between themselves in the back of the classroom.
You sat with slight nervousness as more students filed in, and hoped that someone tolerable sat next to you. You were quite distracted by your own thoughts when you heard a shout from the back row.
“Oi, Evans, back here!” It was very clearly James Potter, who was watching the named girl enter the room.
You looked up to see her roll her eyes and scan the room for any other place to sit. She eventually looked down to your table and seemed to deliberate for a second before she began to walk towards you with purpose.
“Would you mind if I sat here?” She raised an eyebrow and you sat up a bit more in your seat.
“I won’t stop you,” you returned, and she gave you a polite smile before seating herself down beside you.
You very quickly came to think that perhaps the tables weren’t big enough for two people- as they were meant to be- as her arm brushed against yours as she rifled through her bag in her lap. You scooted your seat away an inch and she looked up at you at the movement.
You cleared your throat and tried to focus on the blackboard in front of you instead of the girl beside you.
–
Despite your rather poor first meetings, you and Lily quickly took a liking to one another. As Lily found out, while you excelled in transfiguration, you were rather shite at potions.
Two weeks into the school year she watched across the Potions classroom as you sat with a couple Ravenclaws and struggled to concoct a proper Calming Draught. She sighed as you began to measure out an inordinate amount of peppermint oil. She quickly scribbled down a note onto a scrap piece of paper, and once she was sure that Professor Slughorn was looking the other way, she cast a quick charm on it to fly it across the classroom.
You were a bit confused to notice a piece of parchment as it floated down towards your head. You quickly snatched it up and began to read.
You’ve added too much peppermint.
Drop in an extra mandrake leaf to balance it out.
You knew the handwriting immediately, as you had snuck many a look over at Lily's notes when she sat next to you in Transfiguration.
You looked up from the parchment and gave her a genuine smile, Cheers, you mouthed.
That seemed to be the moment which broke down a barrier between the two of you, as the next day in Transfigurations you made your way to your shared table with Lily and smiled at the girl as she sat waiting for you.
Since then you’d taken to whispering to each other during Transfigurations and walking together from Potions to History of Magic. Lily would normally walk alongside Mary MacDonald and Dorcas Meadowes, two Gryffindor girls in your year, between those classes, and you found yourself assimilating to the trio very well.
Dorcas was near the opposite of Lily, as she was quite talkative and carefree. You learned quickly that she was a very affectionate person as she looped her arm around your shoulders the first time you walked with them. It didn’t take long for you to become comfortable with her antics and to find yourself thinking of her as a friend.
Mary was rather charming as well. She had smiled at you very brightly the first time you joined them to walk to History of Magic, and she was quite adept at including you in a conversation, which you appreciated. She asked you a lot about yourself and had unabashedly flirted with you a few times. You usually just flushed a bit and smiled at her teasing.
After some time, you found yourself sitting with them during meals often. Of course, you still sat with your Ravenclaw friends frequently, and even brought Sybill along to sit with the Gryffindors sometimes. She quite quickly began to get along well with Dorcas and Alice Fortescue.
You’d even come around to Remus’ group of friends. They usually sat right next to Lily and you, so it was difficult to ignore them. Remus was as lovely as always. James, as it turned out, was maybe, perhaps, funny, though you hated to admit it. Sirius was quite the flirt, like Mary, and you found yourself often charmed by him. Peter was quieter than the rest, but was always friendly to you, and you had taken to the habit of sharing smiles with him when your shared friends were being particularly playful.
Though you’d started the year feeling a bit melancholy from leaving behind your summer romance, your feelings had very quickly turned around, and before you knew it, you had a proper amount of new friends.
–
One night, you found yourself in the kitchens, snacking on whatever seemed appealing, and after some time, you heard the entrance open. You froze for a moment before getting your wits about you and ducking behind a table. As you peered past the top, you saw that the intruder had quite a familiar head of curly hair, and then you noticed that she had quite a familiar face too.
You stood up quickly, “Mary! Rowena, you gave me a fright! I thought you must’ve been a prefect looking to catch me in here.”
“Happy to see me, then,” she teased with a smile.
“Am I ever,” you confirmed.
This was the one of the few times you were with Mary alone, and you found that you were perhaps a bit surprised when she kept up her usual flirting with you. In fact, you were more surprised when you found yourself flirting back.
One thing led to another and soon enough the two of you were snogging. You were sitting on top of a counter with your legs wrapped around her waist and your hands around her neck. She was holding your face with one hand and your waist with the other. Butterflies were fluttering in your stomach even though you’d only been at it for a few minutes.
And a few minutes more were all you would get as the entrance to the kitchen swang open again and this time a prefect really did walk it.
“Godric!”
You and Mary broke apart at the voice and both swung your attention to Lily standing very straight in the front of the kitchen.
“Lily,” Mary nodded with a smile. But Lily wasn’t looking much at Mary at all. She was looking at you, at your flushed cheeks and red lips and dazed expression.
She cleared her throat, “Right then. I don’t want to take away house points from my own house so I’m going to ask you to leave and don’t let me catch you doing this again.”
You quickly hopped down from the counter and brushed down your skirt. As you began to walk away, feeling embarrassment start to rear its head, Mary pulled you back by your hand and placed a proper kiss on your lips before letting you go. You ended up passing by Lily with a small smile, which did nothing to remove her frown.
–
Lily had never given much thought to her sexuality. She’d never kissed someone, much less a girl, and had only ever seen that “Potter git” show an interest in her.
So after catching you and Mary together, she’d gotten lost in her thoughts as she patrolled the castle.
Was she homophobic? Was that why she was bothered at the sight? Godric knew she’d caught many students snogging before, yet she had never been quite so disconcerted. She scrunched her nose at the thought; she certainly hoped she wasn’t homophobic. She’d dealt with her fair share of hate as a muggleborn, and she couldn't imagine holding prejudice against anyone else for things beyond their control.
But, really, it did irk her to catch the two of you.
And suddenly, she had a rather bold thought of being the one kissing you. It brought a flush to her cheeks and she had to physically shake the thought from her head.
Right then. I need to get some sleep, she blamed the thought on her late-hour prefect duties.
–
The next day you sat with the Gryffindors as you ate breakfast. Mary was a bit of a ways down the table, yet she gave you a smile as you saw her, and mouthed, talk later. You blushed a touch, and Remus knocked his shoulder against yours.
“Are you listening?”
“Ehh- you said that you’re nervous for the upcoming Potions exam.”
“Right, I said that two minutes ago. Are you alright?”
You smiled at his concern, “Thanks for asking, Remus, I’m quite fine. Just a bit distracted.” You made it a point to listen intently to what he said this time, feeling rather rude for ignoring him.
After a minute, Peter caught Remus’ attention, and so you let your eyes wander the room. They stopped on Lily as she entered the hall and looked at you for a moment. She seemingly made up her mind about something and sat down right in front of you. You were a touch nervous to see if she would be upset about the night before, but she just smiled at you.
“Would you like to study for the Potions exam with me this afternoon,” she asked cordially, and you grinned back.
“That would be wonderful.”
–
The rest of your fifth year went very well. You were surrounded by loads of friends and you were beginning to understand Potions better, as you and Lily had made it a habit to study together every Thursday night.
Mary and yourself had settled on not starting a relationship. You both quite liked to be friends, though you’d had fun in the kitchens that night. You’d come to this conclusion when you realised that she had begun developing feelings for someone else, another Gryffindor, Marlene McKinnon.
One night in Astronomy, you and Mary were sitting together, when you leaned in and whispered, “Don’t look now, but Marlene has been staring at you for a right long minute.” Of course, she whipped her head around and gave Marlene a dazzling grin.
Two nights later, Mary had found her way into the Ravenclaw common room with a lovestruck expression on her face, and had gushed to you about a recent talk with Marlene.
By the end of the year, they were officially dating, and you couldn’t help but be happy for the lovely girls.
–
Summer was right around the corner, and you and Sybill had made plans to spend a week together at her aunt's house in Wales. Lily was on a family vacation for nearly the whole summer, and was otherwise busy, but mailed you quite frequently. You’d seen Remus right before your trip to Wales, but the two of you’d always been bad at making plans together, so you didn’t see each other for the rest of the summer.
–
You were overjoyed as you entered Platform 9 ¾, as you hadn’t seen much of any friends over that summer break. You spotted Lily first, across the way, and as she saw you, you couldn't help but give her a wide smile. She looked so different. Her hair had grown and she looked a bit more tan than usual. But beyond those changes, she looked more mature. It was inexplicable how she had grown into her looks, and you fondly remembered for a moment that just a year or so ago she had seemed so young.
She’s beautiful, you thought, and then suddenly you felt a bit silly at the idea. She looked back at you with a grin that matched yours, and so you two stood for a moment, just admiring the other, before your focus was broken by a group of boys bounding towards you.
“Here we go,” you giggled as the lot of Gryffindors waved and yelled for your attention. You rolled your eyes but gladly accepted an excited group hug.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Remus smiled.
“Godric, love,” Sirius started as he suddenly took your face in his hands, and moved you about to admire you, “have you always been this gorgeous?”
“Shove off, Sirius,” you pushed his hands away, “of course I have.”
“Don’t I know it?” He winked and you let out a genuine laugh at his antics.
Perhaps a few years ago if he’d said something like that to you, you might have blushed and felt a bit embarrassed, but by now you couldn’t help but think of him as a friend and nothing more.
James managed to call Lily over, and soon the lot of you were filing into a train car together. There was hardly enough room for you all, and Sirius had jokingly offered to let you sit on his lap to save space. You gave him a smack on the arm and managed to squeeze next to Lily, who was sitting at the window. James seemed perhaps a bit upset that you’d taken his seat next to her, but surprisingly kept his mouth shut about the notion.
If you would’ve done something similar just a few years back, he would’ve likely made a bigger deal about you stealing the attention from his “girl.” You looked at the boy for a moment and appreciated that he must’ve miraculously matured over the summer.
He looked back and gave you a smile and then you were reaching your hands out to both James and Lily. The former grabbed your hand and ceremoniously placed a kiss on the back of it. The latter accepted your hand with a bit of a blush and quickly moved to look back through the window.
Your brows furrowed, but you figured that this wasn’t an appropriate time to ask her if something was wrong.
“Hold on,” Sirius caught your attention, “do I get to give you a kiss, too?”
“Come here,” you teased back and let him place a dramatic smooch onto your cheek, which did make you blush at the tips of your ears.
–
Your third day back at school that year had been particularly difficult. It hadn’t started out bad. You had only Herbology and Transfiguration, which were classes that you performed very well in. However, you’d managed to clumsily knock over one of the sleeping baby mandrakes you were working with, which caused quite the ruckus and led to you getting many dirty looks. Thankfully the class had been wearing earmuffs already, otherwise the situation would’ve been much worse, still, you had a ringing in your ears that lasted for hours.
Then you found out that Remus was in the hospital wing from a sudden sickness the night prior.
This had happened many times before, and at first when you’d become friends, you would try to visit him to comfort him or try to make him feel any better, but he always had Madame Pomfrey turn you away. You never knew what sickness he got or what caused it, but it was rather upsetting that it happened so frequently.
One time you were sure that he came out of the wing with a decent scratch on himself, that looked to be healed, but a bit redder than the rest of the scars littering his face. He assured you in a rather offhanded way that he’d always had that mark. Still, you felt as though he might’ve been lying about his trips to the hospital wing.
And then right after James had told you that news about Remus, and before you could linger on it too long, you had to begin making your way to Transfigurations.
It had become your favourite class the year prior, because Lily was quite good company, but you were dreading it a bit now.
After the opening feast a few days prior, you’d caught up with Lily, alone, and asked her if she was alright. She dismissed the concern immediately, but she couldn’t seem to meet your eyes.
Since then she’d seemed more distant from you. Had you done something wrong? What was going on with her? Could you help her feel better? Would she let you try to help her?
James walked with you to Transfigurations, but parted ways to sit in his normal seat with Sirius. You sat in the same seat as you had last year, as well, and hoped that when Lily came through the door, she would sit next to you.
However, as she entered, she looked right past you, and made a bee-line to Severus Snape, who was sitting in the back row.
And then Alice walked in, and looked across the room with a rather nervous expression, but saw you sitting alone and quickly smiled and made her way over.
She lifted your spirits well enough, and you were happy that she was content to sit next to you, but your thoughts were still lingering on Lily. At one point you turned to look back at her, and she caught your eye for a second before shifting in her seat and looking back at Professor McGonagall.
–
You didn’t know why all of those little things throughout the day made you cry as you were, on most other days they wouldn’t. Perhaps it was because Remus was still in the hospital wing, and you couldn’t confide in him. Perhaps it was because you felt as if Lily was acting strangely with you. Perhaps it was because you hadn’t had a proper sob in a bit too long. Perhaps it was because the mandrake had short-circuited your brain.
Whatever the reason, you found yourself sitting by the Black Lake, trying to be quiet as you sobbed into your hands.
You were only given a few minutes by your lonesome, when you heard someone approach.
Please don’t be Lily. Please don’t be Remus.
You were vaguely relieved to see that Sirius was coming towards you with clear concern on his face.
“What’s the matter, love?” He sat next to you and you couldn’t help but lean your head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around your back and pulled you closer to him.
“I don't want to talk. Can you just sit here with me?” You asked him after taking a few heaving breaths and calming your crying.
“Of course,” he pressed a sweet kiss to the top of your head.
–
Across the school grounds, Lily was sitting in silence with Mary MacDonald. The two were simply lounging under a tree as they waited for a few of their friends to arrive.
Quite suddenly, Mary spoke.
“Has something happened between you and Y/N?”
Lily tried to play it off. She said that she was “completely fine” and that things between you were “as normal as ever.”
“So then, why have you spoken barely a word to her lately?”
Lily was silent.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Mary spoke softly. “I’m never not open to hearing about your troubles, Lils.”
And perhaps it was the soft-spokenness of a usually boisterous friend, or the hand that squeezed hers affectionately, or the days of pent up emotions, but suddenly Lily burst like a dam and her words spilled out of her.
“I think I might be queer and I’m scared of that.”
And then she felt foolish for telling that to a girl who openly had a girlfriend. Lily quickly covered her mouth with her free hand, but Mary consoled her.
Mary told her that it was not strange or bad to be queer and that everybody realised it differently and at different times.
By the time their friends arrived, Lily was feeling much better with herself about her sexuality, but much worse with herself about how she had been treating you.
–
A day later, Lily was steeling herself to approach you. She watched you sift through a schoolbook in the library, and she nearly turned back around.
Lily spent most of the previous night aimlessly walking through the castle on her prefect duties, thinking through things. She thought that she’d now accepted her own sexuality. She couldn't land on a label for herself, but Mary had assured her that that didn’t matter. And she knew that you must be queer as well; she’d seen you with a girl before.
She was worried, however, that you might not accept her apology as you’d never treated her poorly over your own issues or confusion.
She wasn’t romantically interested in you, she hoped. She’d just thought in Kings Cross Station that you looked quite beautiful for a moment, and she’d then fallen into her own head. Godric, if she did have feelings for you, it could potentially change the dynamic between the two of you, or even end your friendship.
Lily told herself as she walked towards you, that she felt bad and that she did not have feelings for you.
She stopped a foot from your table and you looked up to her. It sent an upsetting pang through her heart to see you frowning at her.
“Can I talk to you?”
You waited a moment to respond, “Of course,” and you closed the book in front of you.
The conversation was rather unceremonious. Lily gave what seemed to be a sincere apology, but danced around the reason for her odd behaviour. You accepted her apology, but couldn’t help but be a bit miffed when she wouldn’t tell you why she had been acting coldly.
Lily couldn’t find it in herself to tell you that she was queer. She knew deep down that you would accept her, but she feared what it would mean for your relationship. Would you see her in a different light? Did she want you to see her in a different light?
–
A few months later, late at night, you were alone, rummaging around the kitchens. Earlier that day, Gryffindor had beaten Hufflepuff in the final quidditch match of the semester, so most students were off celebrating or sulking.
You’d watched the match and congratulated James and Marlene on their playing. Now, you were off on your own, and wondering if your friends would like you to join them in their common room.
Your question was quickly answered when Peter burst through the entrance to the kitchens and gave you a tipsy grin.
“Come on, mate, we’re celebrating!”
–
Sybill had put some makeup on you earlier in the day in one of her attempts to get better at the craft. And then the two of you’d gone a bit farther and decided that since you have the makeup on, you might as well dress up cute as well.
Now, you were glad that you had, because you’d almost forgotten that Hogwarts students take quidditch celebrations seriously.
People were crowded in the common room around James, as he dramatically recollected his memory of the game. There was a strong scent of firewhiskey in the air and the collection of students were acting much looser than normal. Many others were dressed up as you were, and you were glad for that fact, as you didn’t feel out of place.
You bee-lined to a drinks table, and picked up a now lukewarm Butterbeer. You didn’t have time to break the cap off, when you felt someone knock into you from behind.
You turned around to shove them off, but instead had to wrap your arms around a very tipsy Lily Evans as she leaned into you.
“I haven’t seen you all night,” she gave a faux frown, “have you been off sulking with the Hufflepuffs?”
“Nah. I’ve been waiting for someone to give me the damned password to this common room.”
She giggled and dragged you towards Mary and a few other girls.
After a few hours you were feeling nicely buzzed and Lily had taken your advice to stop drinking before she got too drunk, so she was sobering up slowly.
Eventually almost everyone had cleared out of the room. All that were left were you and your girlfriends, and Remus and his mates.
You weren’t quite sure who suggested it, but soon you found yourselves gathering in a circle around an empty bottle of Firewhiskey and a line of shots poured from said bottle.
“You know, I feel as if we might be too old for this,” Remus pondered.
“Mate, we’re teenagers, this is what we’re supposed to do.” James clapped a hand on Remus’ shoulder.
“Alright, I’m sure you lot know how this works; spin the bottle and snog the person it lands on, or take a shot. We’re gonna go straight through the circle, clockwise” Sirius explained with a mischievous grin.
You sat in a large group, right inbetween Peter, who kept anxiously tapping his fingers on the floor, and Mary, who seemed quite happy to play.
You weren’t feeling particularly nervous, mostly because you were trying to focus on the people having fun around you and not your impending turn.
James spun first, and though he looked at Lily while it spun, it landed on Sirius, and the two made a show of their snog.
The group was laughing by the time Alice spun and landed on Marlene, who gave her a quick peck, and then gave one as well to her girlfriend, who was faking a pout.
Sirius spun and it landed on you.
He gave you a broad grin, and you figured you might as well, so you had a decent kiss before coming back to your seats.
“Well,” Sirius started, “you’re a proper good snog.”
“Better than James?” You joked.
The named boy jumped in with, “Absolutely not!”
Peter spun next and landed on Frank Longbottom, and the two boys looked at each other for a moment in shock, and perhaps consideration, before picking up respective shot glasses.
You spun the bottle and tried not to think about who it might land on, but miraculously, it landed on Remus.
You and he knew that the other did not particularly want to repeat past actions, so you both picked up shot glasses at nearly the same time.
“Brings back memories, eh?” You smiled at him.
“I’m almost tempted to see if you’ve gotten much better at snogging since then.” Remus quipped.
“I guess you won’t find out,” and with that the two of you knocked your glasses together and bore the burn of the alcohol.
Eventually, the bottle got to Lily, who somehow managed to not kiss anyone yet. You watched as her cheeks flushed a bit as she spun the bottle.
She glanced around the circle.
Not James. Not James. Not James, she repeated, as she didn’t want to give him false hope by kissing or otherwise crush him by taking a shot.
And then she wondered for a moment about why she wasn't interested in him. Sure, he’d been a proper twat in their first few years at Hogwarts, but by now he seemed to have matured nicely. He was quite handsome, he was athletic, and he was intelligent. So why hadn’t she begun to return his feelings?
She was almost distracted by her thoughts, when she looked up from the bottle as it stopped spinning, right in front of you. Oh.
Your own eyes widened and you felt your heart beat a bit quicker than normal. You waited with bated breath as Lily stared right back at you.
Rowena, but you wanted her to kiss you.
A beat passed before Lily took a shuddering breath and grabbed for a shot glass.
You followed suit and tried not to let the dejection show on your face.
Mary had already had a suspicion that Lily liked you. Her suspicions were confirmed when Lily practically ogled you as you entered the common room that night.
Godric, she looks gorgeous, Lily had said in her tipsy state.
Mary decided that she needed to have a serious conversation with Lily soon.
–
However, such a conversation would be difficult to have, as soon after the party, winter finals came about and Lily spent all of her time studying. Mary had never seen her study so much, and she figured part of the reason was that she was avoiding you more now.
You’d also pulled away from Lily in the fear that she’d noticed your attraction to her and had been upset by it.
Still, you both, alongside Mary, Marlene, Alice, Dorcas, and Sybill were set to go on a week-long vacation up to Alice's family's cabin in Northern Ireland.
–
Mary had decided on the last day of school to take Sybill aside after their shared Astronomy class, and snoop a bit.
“Hear me out,” Mary started, though Sybill had made no attempt to leave the expected conversation. She knew very well where this was going. It was quite easy to read not only the longing glances you and Lily were giving each other, but also the frustrated ones Mary was giving Lily.
“Okay,” Mary started again, and seemed not to know where to go from there. “Godric, I should’ve thought this out. Right. Say someone I know likes someone you know- and now I shouldn’t name names. Except, I would like to know if the feeling is mutual from the person you know, so really if I want to get any information from you, I ought to tell you their names.”
Sybill stopped herself from smiling at Mary’s rambling. “Lily likes Y/N and Y/N likes Lily. Those were the people you were talking about, right?”
“Yes, thank you!” Mary gave a triumphant grin, before seeming to become stumped again, “But what do we do about it?”
“I’ve got an idea.”
–
And so, that night Mary and Sybill confronted their respective friends about their feelings.
Lily had at once become a bit defensive, “I’ve no idea what you are talking about.” But had quickly conceded, “I just don’t think she likes me back. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to tell if she likes me?”
“No offence, Lils, but I’m not surprised you can’t tell she likes you. In fact, I have on good faith that she does like you. Now, you’re going to be stuck with her on this trip all winter break. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, trust me, she feels the same.”
–
When Sybill approached you, you’d been about as hesitant as Lily had been with Mary.
“She had the opportunity handed to her on a silver platter and she took a shot of Firewhiskey instead.” You crossed your arms.
“Darling,” Sybill insisted, “she’s never kissed anyone before, much less a girl, and much less in front of a crowd. You know how intuitive I am, trust me she likes you. And even beyond my intuition, she practically gives you puppy dog eyes whenever you talk.
“You’re going to have a whole trip with her soon to admit your feelings. I suggest that you do so, before either one of you pulls away more.”
–
You spent the train ride with Remus and his mates, mostly so they could talk between themselves and you could think to yourself.
Lily sat with the Gryffindor girls who were going on the trip, and was getting a pep talk from them. Apparently, Mary hadn’t been the only one to notice her obvious attraction to you, and so the girls were encouraging her, and she felt her confidence rise as the ride went on.
In your train car, Remus had noticed your silence and decided to talk to you in hushed whispers while the other boys had enough decency to ignore the obviously intimate conversation.
You told Remus about your conversation with Sybill and he motivated you as well. He told you that he’d pen you every night if you needed support, and that he thought Lily liked you as well.
“I know you’re not a Gryffindor, but I think you need to show bravery. Tell her.”
And then the train arrived at Kings Cross, and before you knew it, you were swept away into Alice's car.
The car had been charmed to be larger on the inside than outside, so the lot of you all fit comfortably in it. Alive drove and Dorcas insisted that she got car sick if she didn't sit passenger. Graciously, Sybill sat between you and Lily in the middle row. Mary and Marlene were in the back, in their own world for a good portion of the trip, before they began to pester you, Lily, and Sybill to play card games with them. You opted out because over the years you found that Sybill always managed to win.
Still, the long drive was manageable with a group of good friends.
–
After some time, you found the car clunking along a rocky path that led to a rather beautiful cabin. Evergreen trees were all around, and there was a soft blanket of snow across the landscape. Your anxieties about an imminent conversation with Lily were pushed aside for a moment as you breathed in the crisp air and admired the scenery.
It was late evening, and so you got a fire going to light up and warm the surprisingly cosy seating room. And then you lot took to setting up some Christmas decorations. Mary, Lily, and Marlene conjured up a tree that nearly touched the low roof, and created an egregious amount of ornaments and hangings for it.
Sybill and yourself lit up the ceiling with magic candles that provided enough light to see where one was walking, but not enough to be a bother at night.
Alice and Dorcas went back into town to pick up some food for the lot of you.
–
Eventually, Marlene went upstairs to shower, and Mary and Sybill followed. Before they went up the stairs, Mary shot a quite clear look at Lily, who was sitting by the fire, and Sybill gave you an encouraging smile as you cooked up two mugs of hot chocolate.
Soon enough, you and Lily were alone downstairs.
“D’ya like whipped cream on yours, Lils?” You queried and turned back to find the girl already looking at you. Your breath caught for a moment as you appreciated her beauty. Her red hair glowed in the firelight, and yet a flush was still present on her cheeks from the cold air outside.
“That sounds perfect,” Lily replied with a grin.
This is it, you both thought to yourselves. It was time to admit your feelings.
You passed Lily her drink and took a seat rather close to her.
You both looked at each other as you sipped, and when Lily brought the mug down from her lips, there was a small smearing of whipped cream above her lip.
You grinned, and in a rather forward manner, you swiped your thumb across her lip. Then your smile faded a bit as you looked back into her eyes.
“Lily,” you spoke in a quiet voice, “I wish you’d kissed me that night.” You both knew to which night you were referring.
You wanted her to say something back. You wanted her to say that she cared for you. You wanted her to say that-
“I wish I had kissed you too,” it was a quiet murmur. Your eyes fluttered a bit as you felt that gleam of hope within you expand. Lily inched towards you, and then with great quietness and great hope, she asked, “Is it too late to kiss you now?”
And then suddenly a sprig of mistletoe appeared up above your heads, and though you both saw it appear close to you, and both knew that it meant that your friends were watching, you kept looking at each other.
You and Lily leaned forward at the same time, and you brought your hands to her face, and then you were kissing. It was soft and sweet, and it gave you the type of butterflies that you’d only ever read of in novels.
Lily pulled back first and for a moment you leaned forward to recapture her lips. She grinned and gave you another peck.
And then you just held each other in front of the fire for some time and you both thought that this vacation might be the best thing to happen to you in a while.