Work Text:
1st of November 1981
Somewhere in a small village a man stands before the wreckage of his friends house. To passes by, from a distance, he was hardly a man more of boy torso swamped in a brown knitted sweater, wearing slightly baggy denim jeans and fluffy brown hair but if they got closer they would see he looked far from young despite his youthful appearance. If they got closer they would see whisps of gray invading his chestnut coloured hair. It looks unnatural for a boy so young to already have grey hair but that seems insignificant compared to the jagged scars scattered across his face continuing down his collar bone and disappearing beneath his sweater. Long, unnatural scars that look as though an animal had mauled his face but you wouldn’t be able to tell if they were inflicted only yesterday, or a decade ago. If you thought his scars were bad that was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. One no one would expect to see on the face of someone so young. It’s the eyes veterans have when they return home from war. The eyes of the haunted, the eyes of a survivor, the eyes of someone who has lost everything.
Remus Lupin stands in front of the wreckage of his best friends safe house, numb. There are no words to describe the devastation he feels. His hart feels like it’s been trampled on and then ripped appart by a wild animal, claws ripping it to shreds and gnawing on his heart strings but he’s unable to scream because something has torn out his throat. Safe house. The clue was in the word “Safe” because what is in front of Remus is certainly not safe and can hardly be classified as a house, so really it should be called a dangerous ruin.
Remus can’t open his eyes because if he opens them he’ll have to face the reality. He’d have to approach the house, the ruin. He knows he needs to open his eyes, he’s trying, he counts down from three in his head but nothings happening he’s frozen, unable to do anything. The only reason he knows he’s breathing is because he can feel his broken rib from the last full moon screaming in pain as his chest heaves and shakes with sobs. He’d take the pain of a hundred full moons at once, he’d take the pain of the cruciatus curse for years, because none of that could compare to the pain he felt now; the pain of loosing his best friends. The pain of his betrayal.
His mind spits the word. He can’t bring himself to say his name, it’s too painful even if it’s not out loud. The man that he loves murdered his best friends. Yes loves. Remus feels disgusted, he’s in love with a murderer. He didn’t know it was possible to hate someone this much, especially someone you love so much. Because Remus does love Sirius Black he loves him unconditionally. Sirius black is Remus Lupins soulmate and Remus can’t understand why he would betray him, why he would betray all of them.
Remus is pulled out of his thoughts by the taste of salt. Salt? Remus thinks then he realises its his tears flowing uncontrollably down his face only slowing as they run over the mangled, raised skin of his scars. After what could have been seconds, minutes, or hours Remus pries his eyes open. Black spots cloud his vision slowly getting clearer and clearer until he can see the wreckage once more cast in the green light of the dark mark that twists in the sky above. Remus’ breath catches in his throat as he stumbles towards where the front door should have been his legs nearly giving way until he gets to where the front door should be.
Instead of a front door he sees the remanence of one, splintered wood litters the floor. Remus looks up and goes ridged as he sees James Potter’s body lying half way up the stairs. His body is twisted in such a way that shows James was trying to block the stairs from Voldermort. Remus rushed over to James’s corpse rolling him on his back. Hand shaking violently Remus desperately tries to find a pulse on his friend. Remus gasps out a strangled sob when he fails to do so and realises that James’s wand is no where in sight. He looks around and sees it on the sofa. He never stood a chance, with or without a wand. Remus closed James’s glassy eyes and turned away unable to stop the tears he merely wives his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper and turned away from James.
Remus makes his way up the stairs and walks down the hall, wand drawn looking into the rooms as he goes, until finally he reaches the last room. Remus pushes the door open. And steps through the door nearly tripping over Lilys still form. He repeats the same process with her as he did with James and takes a breath getting ready to do the same to Harry.
“Moo moo?” A small voice whispers and Remus spins around.
”Harry?” He whispers. There in front of him is a very much alive Harry Potter with tears spilling down Lilys emerald eyes. Remus makes his way over to the crib and picks him up running his hand through James’s Black hair.
“You’re all right. Uncle moo moo is here.” He whispers. Holding harry against his chest rocking him gently. “Let’s get you out of here.”
Its not until not until they get outside the house that remus properly looks at Harry and gasps as he sees the lightning bold scar bright red against his pale skin.
”i believe that that is where the curse hit him” a calm voice hums behind him. Remus spins around clutching Harry to his chest and raising his wand defensively.
’’cu-curse?” Remus stutters
”yes, the killing curse if i believe.” Dumbledore eyes have lost there twinkle instead Remus sees a tear forming in the corner of his eye.
”H-How?” Remus whispered
“That i do not know at this moment” He pauses “I am going to have to take Harry and give him to Lilys sister Petunia. Harry should be with his family.” Dumbledore surveys Remus through his half moon spectacles and Remus could only nod mutely. Dumbledore holds out his arms to take Harry. Remus wants to say no he’ll take Harry, but he knows that’s not possible. Damn his lycanthropy. Damn his messy, complicated life. He looks at Harry once again.
”Bye Bye Harry my little prongslet I’ll come and visit you soon.” He said kissing Harry on the forehead. He hands the boy bundled in blankets to Albus.
Dumbledore nods at Remus one last time and then disapperates leaving Remus all alone in Godric’s hollow. He’d visit Harry soon he decided.
Little did Remus know he was not going to see Harry for another 12 years.