Work Text:
sunset in his heart
judai & asuka
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Judai knows that change is always happening.
Change is constant. He’s had many bad changes and he’s had many good changes: he regrets some changes deeply while he appreciates other changes. He’s trying to move on in life—trying to walk forward; free of some of these burdens that laid deeply on his shoulders. He’s endured many changes in his life, and he is still facing more changes now in the present.
But even so, it takes time for him to get used to these changes.
This month, he recalls, marks his first month anniversary with Asuka. Judai remembers that she had mentioned it in passing on the phone several weeks ago. Personally, he thinks it's an impressive milestone for himself because it’s been a month since they started dating. A month. It’s a miracle he even lasted this long. It’s a change that he still needs to get used to, but it’s not so bad when it’s just him and Asuka—and Yubel. Asuka acknowledges that the bond shared between Yubel and Judai is special, so she never has a problem with Yubel’s presence. Yubel, in return, thinks she’s not as stupid as everyone else in their friend group. In short, the three of them all manage to maintain a balanced relationship with each other, much to Judai’s relief.
However, it can be a bit awkward if there are witnesses.
Third-party witnesses.
This is why Judai is currently averting his eyes as Johan scrutinizes him from the screen of Judai’s laptop. He and Asuka are sitting on the couch in her living room because Judai thought he’d let Johan know his whereabouts after accidentally ghosting him last month. Asuka is blissfully unaware of Johan’s scrutiny as she is fully immersed in her book next to Judai, who is already regretting the decision to have this video call in her living room where she is a literal front-seat witness. (She had promised that she wouldn't do anything while he and Johan talked, so he reluctantly let her stay.)
“Nice to see you in civilization again, Judai,” Johan pleasantly greets, stroking Ruby Carbuncle on his shoulder. “You had me wondering what was going on when you called me from the middle of nowhere last month before the line disconnected. I see you have company this time.” (Asuka is still reading, her book lifted to her face, but she and Johan exchange nods as greetings.)
Judai looks apologetic. “Sorry I gave you a fright, Johan. I figured I should call you today since I have the time right now.”
“I would think you do since it seems very peaceful over there. I thought you got yourself in trouble again, but it seems like I have nothing to worry about.” Johan simpers a bit at the camera, scratching Ruby underneath the chin lovingly.
He exhales soothingly. Goddammit, Johan. “Well, sorry about that. It’s hard to get a good connection in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by only grass and wheat.” He also had to hitchhike at some point, but what Asuka and Johan don’t know won’t hurt them.
Amused, Johan asks, “So, planned anything? It’s nice that you’re spending time together.” He pets Ruby on the head as it nuzzles his face.
Asuka doesn’t even react, calmly reading her book. Sometimes, Judai has to remind himself that she’s spent her whole life putting up with Fubuki’s nonsense to the point that it makes Johan’s teasing seem like mere child’s play. She’s so stable. Awed, Judai wishes some of her tolerance management could rub off on him. Sure, he’s put up with mindless teasing before plenty of times—but it gets embarrassing when they extend into his love life, especially when Asuka is right there next to him. Goddammit it, Johan.
Awkwardly, Judai shakes his head. “Not really?” Asuka flips a page and Johan smiles. “I don’t think I really need to plan anything. I just like spending time here.”
Kindly, Johan says, “That’s good. It’s been a month for you two, right? I’m glad everything is fine.”
“Yeah, thanks!” At this, Judai smiles back sincerely. Johan knows this is hard on him, so Judai appreciates that there is no pressure on himself this time. It still feels weird for Johan to know that he and Asuka are dating, though, so Judai hopes he can get used to it eventually—or at least, hope he can develop some thick skin from all the teasing soon. It gets tiring pretty quickly.
Suddenly, Asuka’s doorbell chimes. Judai, Johan, and Asuka all look up, but it is Asuka who shuts her book and takes it with her as she goes to get the door.
The moment she reaches the door, Judai gives Johan a flat look. “Stop making fun of me.”
Innocently petting Ruby in his arms, Johan feigns obliviousness. “What do you mean?”
“You know what you did.”
“Do I?”
“Yes.”
“Well I certainly don’t!” Johan declares, casually averting his eyes.
Eyebrow twitching, Judai is about to retort something—
“Asuryn!~ I’m here to visit!”
Judai instantly stops, dread churning in his stomach. Oh no.
It's not that he hates Fubuki or anything. No. No. Fubuki's a cool guy for the most part: he knows how to play electric guitars and ukuleles, was one of the best students in his year back in school, likes surfing and doing lots of cool flip tricks on his surfboard; all very cool things, Judai concludes.
But Fubuki enjoys meddling with Asuka’s life the most. And when Fubuki meddles with her life, Asuka tells Judai that bad things can happen. Understandingly, Judai acknowledges that Fubuki is probably the biggest change he’ll have to get used to—simply because Fubuki is 100% strangely invested in his sister’s life. As an only child, this concept is lost to him, but Judai can at least concur with Asuka that putting up with Fubuki’s enthusiasm towards their dating life is an ordeal of its own.
“Judai-kun! Visiting my Asuryn?” beams Fubuki as he walks into the living room. Asuka rolls her eyes and gently shuts her door before following him. Pausing for a moment, Fubuki looks at the laptop screen. “Oh, Johan-kun! What a pleasant surprise! I hope you’re well.”
“I’ve been doing good,” Johan politely answers, smiling. “Just havin’ a chat with Judai.”
Fubuki leisurely sits next to Judai on the couch. Already, Judai knows that whatever happens next will not bode well. “Oh, good. I think I will join you. I haven’t had the time to sit and chat for a while.” Fubuki looks over the back of the couch. “Will you be joining us, Asuryn?”
Asuka heartlessly betrays Judai by shaking her head and looking skeptically at all three of them, probably because the girl and guy ratio is severely one-sided right now. “I’ll politely pass. I think I'll finish the last of my grading for this week in my room, Nii-san. Let me know if any of you need anything.”
I need you to save me by taking me with you—
Alas, he never got to say this aloud. Involuntarily sandwiched between her brother and the couch armrest, Judai mournfully watches as Asuka retreats down the hallway back to her room. His fate has been sealed when he hears a soft click of her door. (Yubel snorts, adding salt to the wound.)
Silence.
Silence.
Johan takes one look at him from his laptop screen and teases, “Distance makes the heart fonder.”
Grimacing, Judai retorts, “You’re the farthest one away from here and I don’t feel that with you.”
Johan snorts. “Yeah, because you’re already at your girlfriend’s apartment."
Judai rolls his eyes resignedly, crossing his arms. “Anyway, is there a reason why you decided to stay out here with us, Fubuki-san?”
“An intervention for you, Judai-kun,” Fubuki replies casually, like it’s normal to announce interventions for Judai everyday in front of his best friend while sitting in his girlfriend’s apartment. Judai blinks. “A new month has started today. This led me to believe that it’s officially been one month since you and Asuryn became a couple. I am very happy, yes—but it has also come to my attention that this is a celebratory moment for you two.”
“...Celebratory?” he echoes, bewildered.
Nodding fiercely, Fubuki lifts up a finger. “This is Asuka’s very first relationship and I understand it must be your first one as well, Judai-kun.” (Judai has to lean himself closer to the armrest because Fubuki doesn’t know what personal space is.) “And everything has been going fantastic so far, yes?”
Judai meekly nods, making Fubuki perk brightly.
“Then that’s more than enough reason for you two to celebrate it!” Fubuki eagerly clasps his hands. “And what better way to do that than for you two to go on a date?!”
Judai’s mind blanks for a second. “A... date?”
Johan thoughtfully nods. “Dates between couples are customary. You haven’t had one yet, right?”
The moment Judai shakes his head, Fubuki looks absolutely aghast. “Never ?” He leans away and dramatically exclaims, “I’m disappointed in you, Judai-kun! One month of dating and not even one date? What kind of boyfriend deprives his girlfriend of dates?! That’s it. You two are going on a date today. No buts.”
Judai briefly wonders why, out of all the powers Yubel possesses, they don’t have the power of teleportation so that he can teleport himself away from here. They can transfer Duel Academia to a new dimension, but not use teleportation on themself? (Yubel shrugs.)
Johan looks thoughtful, nodding. “I think a date will be good for you two.”
“Why?” Judai tiredly asks.
Fubuki chirps, “You get to spend time with her on dates! Time together!”
Judai sighs. “But I already spend time here with her?”
“Special time together,” persists Fubuki, stubbornly.
“But my time with her is always special?” After all, he’s always traveling. He knows it makes her sad when he’s gone for too long, so he makes it a point to visit Asuka more if it means she can still smile. Frankly, Judai’s tired of making her feel sad all the time. She deserves better than that.
Johan helpfully says, “Dates aren’t required, but they're a good way for couples to develop a stronger relationship. Since you two are still new to this, maybe one date would help you adjust better.”
Judai resignedly nods. “Fine.” Maybe one date couldn't hurt if it'll help him get adjusted to the idea of dating. For Asuka, he will try. “But I don’t have any ide—”
Immediately, Fubuki takes Judai by the arm and shakes him with vigor. “Restaurant! Take her to a restaurant! Nothing too overly fancy since that’s not your thing, but a nice one where it’s casual-formal!”
Owlishly, Judai blinks.
Casual-formal? Yikes, does he even have the clothes for that? Would casual-formal require him to adopt new mannerisms or something? There is probably not an ounce of formality in him.
Contemplatively, Johan suggests, “How about a skating rink? It’s a lot more casual, so you’ll be comfortable there.”
Judai feels unconvinced. Does Asuka even skate? Does Asuka even like skating? What if she falls? What if she breaks a limb? What if he is the one who falls and breaks a limb? Sure, he’s ridden motorcycles before—sometimes with no helmet—but he never skated.
Fubuki pipes in, “Restaurant for lunch, and then skating rink in the evening for peak romance!”
Raising an eyebrow, Judai ponders his choices. He's pretty sure he’s never seen a casual-formal restaurant around this neighborhood before, and he doesn’t think it’d be good if either he or Asuka injured themselves while trying to skate.
A door clicks open.
Fubuki is the first to look up, then gleefully exclaims, “Asuryn, just in time! Judai-kun here has something to discuss with you!”
Judai looks over the couch to see her near the fridge, reaching for a water bottle. She periodically takes small breaks during her grading because he knows that she tends to get fixated in her grading. (He had a part to play in that.)
Asuka blinks, looking lost. When she tries to look at Judai for help, he only looks back imploringly. “Okay...?”
“Johan-kun and I will chat in the other room!” Fubuki announces casually, grabbing Judai’s laptop and marching down the hallways where the guestroom is. (He sure hopes his laptop will be safe because it's expensive.)
Silence.
Walking over to him, Asuka rests her arms against the back of the couch. Inspecting his face, she sympathetically asks, “How bad was it?”
He lets out an awkward laugh. “Not... that bad?” Placing a hand behind his neck, he’s at a loss of how to bring up the topic with her. She doesn’t even ask him what he ‘wants’ to discuss, simply looking patient as she waits for him to talk. Unfortunately, this only causes the pressure to take a crack at him. “We should have a date today!" he blurts, looking down.
She blinks, then calmly asks, “Why?” From her tone, she already knows.
“It’s been a month for us,” he elaborates, awkwardly, “so it wouldn’t hurt to go on one date…?”
Asuka inspects him quietly, and he feels like he should go hide in a cave forever the more she looks at him like that. “All right,” she nods, finally. “But where?”
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” he says gently. Judai’s seen a lot of sights because of his travels—but Asuka’s always stayed here. Someday, he’d like to show her the world.
Hesitantly, she looks at the ground in thought. “A walk? Nowhere in particular; I don’t mind just walking. I like walking around.”
“Nothing else?” he asks, puzzled. She's a simple person, so he supposes the answer makes sense.
Asuka tilts her head. “No. That’s it. Why? Did you have somewhere in mind already?”
Shaking his head, he smiles softly. “No! A walk it is! Do you wanna go now or later?”
“I don’t mind now," she smiles back, and he really likes this smile. She gives him this smile a lot. The corners of her lips are always upped in a cute way. “I’m done with my work anyway. I’ll go get changed first and then we can leave.” She pushes herself off the back of the couch and walks back to her room before she closes the door.
Fubuki comes outside of the guestroom at the sound of Asuka’s door closing. With his laptop (that looks safe) in his hands, he marches over to the couch. Holding it up, he and Johan stare him down, looking like co-conspirators. Judai wonders if Fubuki and Johan even talked at all while waiting. “What did she say?”
Rolling his eyes at their theatrics, Judai responds, “We’re going on a walk.”
At this, Fubuki looks absolutely crushed, like he lost all hope in the world. “No restaurant?” he asks in a small, hopeful voice.
Judai shakes his head.
“No skating rink?”
Another head shake.
Head drooping, Fubuki disappointedly sighs, “I should have a talk with her about date locations.” Despite the disappointment, he still looks at Judai supportively. “But at least she agreed. You just need to make sure everything goes along swimmingly! Johan-kun and I will support you to the end! In fact, you should message us if you get stuck.”
He dully looks at them. “Message you guys?”
Johan calmly smiles. “This is your first time on a date, so it doesn’t hurt to ask for advice if you’re unsure on what to do next, ‘kay?”
Judai resignedly nods, trying to not roll his eyes again.
“Don’t forget to tell her that you love her,” advises Fubuki, giving him a genuine look of seriousness. It’s probably the most mature, brotherly thing he’s done today. Judai supposes it’s only natural for Fubuki to tell him that for Asuka’s sake, especially when she’s dating someone, but it makes him mull a bit.
It took a lot of effort for him to acknowledge his feelings for her. She confessed first and it hadn’t been easy at all for him to accept her—because Judai has his own share of personal struggles, and accepting her feelings wouldn’t have helped him if he wanted to move past it first. His days back in the Dark World hindered him emotionally, and the experience led him astray. It took time to put himself back together; took time for him to realize his faults and shortcomings and mistakes, took time for him to understand that his actions affect others, took time to know that he could have a chance to move on if he would just stop being so difficult, took time to see that he could take a step in the right direction if he just had that little extra push—took time to see that Asuka has been there all along.
When they first became a couple, it was Asuka who tried to help him move on past his guilt of the Dark World. Judai knew he was being difficult back then, when the feeling was more dreadful and fresher. It was a dull ache in his chest that left him unable to really see ‘love’ as something harmless at the time, considering what he and Yubel went through. Just even realizing that he felt something back for her took him a while to come to terms with, because he was that disheveled. It was a mess.
But that's in the past, and he’s in the present right now.
The progression is slow, but it’s there. It makes him feel guilty, like he’s weighing something down on Asuka—but she had said that she didn’t mind however long he took as long as he made progress. That itself became something Judai clung onto dearly the more time passed into their relationship. He's doing remarkably better nowadays, and even Yubel acknowledges that—
He realizes that he’s been rather unfair to Asuka. She’s put up with so much for him, yet he can’t even utter three simple words to her. Maybe there is room for more change. Maybe he can make a difference today.
Maybe Johan picked up on that too, because he gives Judai a knowing smile. “First dates are good opportunities to tell your partner how you feel about them.”
Judai perks hopefully.
Maybe he really can make a difference today. For her.
.
.
Judai wonders if this is even a date as he and Asuka quietly start their walk by walking along the sidewalk down the block from her apartment. He has to ponder about it because Fubuki and Johan made such a fuss about first dates. He switched his blazer with his olive-green jacket and she switched her blouse and pants with a pretty dress, but he still doesn’t feel anything from this walk that makes it seem like it’s first date-qualified. He wonders if Fubuki or Johan ever went on first dates themselves since they seem so sure that first dates are holy and sacred.
Next to him, Asuka is smiling serenely. “This is nice,” she pleasantly says, looking around. “I don’t really get to walk around here that much anymore since my work has been piling up.”
Startled, he asks, “You already have a lot of work?” Will he be responsible for her missing a deadline or something by suggesting this ‘date?'
She gives a small smile. “I can manage it. I’m used to having a lot of paperwork, so I guess I trained myself to be fast with it.” He quietly gives her a worried look, but she smiles reassuringly. “I’m taking more breaks in-between this time, so you don’t have to worry.”
Is he that predictable? “I won’t then,” he replies, teasing smile in place. She’s always responsible and knows when to stop when she’s doing her work, and he likes knowing that she listened to him when he pointed out her overworking habit on a night when she had essays to grade. “Consider this a destress walk.”
“I’m feeling less stressed already,” lightly replies Asuka, beaming at him as she readjusts the strap of her purse. “After all, I wouldn’t want you nagging me again. Usually, it’s the other way around. It’s weird when you nag.”
“I told you not to work so much!” he pretends to scold, feigning a stern look. “Workaholics are always stressed for a reason, Asuka!”
“And meddlers are always annoying for a reason, Judai!” she retorts, all in good fun.
He pretends to be offended. “That hurts right here, Asuka!” He puts a hand on his chest. “Right here.”
She rolls her eyes and stays quiet, staring at the buildings they walk past, smiling occasionally. He didn’t know a simple walk would make her so happy, and they barely even started. Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if they could have a second date/walk next time if she could smile like this more. Still, that thought is for second dates and third dates and beyond.
They’re still on their first date, and Judai still has absolutely no idea what to do about it because today is supposed to be their first-month anniversary. And first dates, according to two very unofficial sources, are very important.
He’s stuck.
And since he’s stuck…
“Do you mind if we stop for a bit? I need to use the restroom,” he asks her when they reach a small restaurant.
“Go ahead,” she reassuringly smiles, leaning her back against the light pole outside the restaurant entrance. “I’ll wait here.”
Judai casually walks into the restaurant and saunters over to the restrooms. He proceeds to take out his phone and scroll through his list of contacts the moment the door closes behind him. He has no patience to text individually because Asuka would start worrying if he takes too long, so he calmly makes a group chat and simply types: How do I surprise her?
Buy her a gift , Johan texts back within seconds. Something pleasant, and it can’t be Duel Monsters-related.
I SECOND JOHAN-KUN BC THAT IS VERY UNROMANTIC , Fubuki texts afterward, abusing the poor caps lock function. Judai apprehensively watches his phone tell him that Fubuki is typing a new message. You should sing her a song about how you feel towards her! You have a good voice!
Judai dully texts back, OK, thanks Johan!
He casually ignores the sad crying emojis spam from Fubuki as he pockets his phone and exits the restroom. Going back to Asuka, they resume walking again. Among the silence, Judai thinks about what he could possibly buy for Asuka that isn’t Duel Monsters-related and is pleasant for her. He doesn’t normally buy gifts that much, honestly. He’s seen some things before that reminds him of her, but the prices deter him from getting them for her. He’s also quite sure that he’s never actually bought a real gift for anyone before either.
Besides, Asuka isn’t a materialistic girl. It doesn’t take much to make her happy. She is appreciative of little gestures, which is good for Judai because he wouldn’t know how to even go about with grand gestures anyway. One time, after they got together, he brought back a little blue flower for her during his next visit since it was her favorite color, and she happily kept it in a vase until it naturally wilted. Small things like that are not too noticeable, and they don’t disrupt the normalcy that he is accustomed to. Things like that are fine with them. Gestures like that, he can do.
So, he decides to buy ice cream for Asuka when they pass by an ice cream truck. It seemed like a good stepping stone for them when he first thought of it—but maybe ice cream might be too small of a change for her, because Asuka does not show much of a reaction to it. She merely thanks him and quietly eats it with a small smile, like she doesn’t really want ice cream but she’s eating it for his sake. Or maybe he’s just reading too much into it? She still looks pretty happy to him.
“Do you like it?” he asks, slowly eating his own cup of ice cream with his spoon.
Asuka smiles back and nods, her eyes softening at him. It makes him sigh in relief. At least she doesn't dis like it. “I do! You even got my favorite flavor!” Then, she quietly looks at him. “Do you like yours? You look worried about something.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replies dismissively, shoving more ice cream into his mouth. He puts on a cheerful smile for her, but she looks unconvinced. “I really am, Asuka! Now, hurry and eat; your ice cream’s melting!”
“O-Oh!” She is startled to see some of her ice cream drip from her spoon and quickly tries to finish it without making a mess. He hands her one of his napkins for the ice cream that accidentally got on her finger, and she accepts the napkin while timidly averting her eyes as she eats. The sight makes him smile fondly.
Normally, this would’ve made him feel content enough—but this is still their first date on their first-month anniversary, and Judai just doesn’t feel like it’s special enough. What would make it special for her?
Quietly, he eats his ice cream with a pensive frown.
.
.
When they find a bench as they finish their ice creams, the first thing he does is excuse himself to a water fountain that he made sure is not in viewing range for Asuka. She is still finishing the last of her ice cream, so he figures it'll buy him some time while he works something else out.
With his phone back out, he types and sends: I think I messed up…
Even without any context provided whatsoever, Fubuki responds in five seconds, like he has been expecting this: I'M ASHAMED.
Johan sends: What did you do?
Bought her ice cream . Not much of a reaction from her.
Ice cream is a good start! Johan consolingly types. Did she eat it?
Yeah.
She looked happy?
Yeah.
Did she finish it?
Yeah, I checked before I texted you two.
You're on the right track then! 👍 Thank goodness Johan is his voice of reason. Maybe hold her hand while taking her somewhere that's peaceful?
Judai types back, We're at the park and that's plenty peaceful.
GOOD , Fubuki responds passionately with his caps-locked letters. Now you can take her to a lake there and have a romantic stroll! (Judai sighs. Johan is currently typing something.) Don't forget music! 🎶🎵🎶 You need music to serenade her!
Johan sends, underneath Fubuki’s message, Make sure to compliment her! She'd feel happy if you did.
Rolling his eyes at Fubuki’s message, Judai casually types back, OK, thanks again Johan! He expertly ignores another spam of sad crying emojis and starts walking to the bench where Asuka is.
He had held hands with Asuka before, so he isn't particularly shy to hold her hand again, but those were their private moments. The park they're in right now is not too crowded, but it’s still a little embarrassing with all these kids running around. Nevertheless, couples hold hands, so he figures this is another thing he’ll just have to get used to. All of this is good for their relationship. For everything he’s ever done to her, the least he can do for Asuka now is to be a good boyfriend. He just wants her to be happy, and she looks happy today. That’s enough to keep him going.
By the time he returns, Asuka has already disposed of her ice cream cup, so Judai confiscates her hand once he sits next to her. He intertwines their fingers and sets their hands in between them on the bench, and he thinks her hand is warm and petite. This is a warmness he doesn't ever want to lose, because this is a warmness that only she has. Strange how he’s touched hands with her before, but he never really noticed how small they are or how thin her fingers can be. These are the same hands that steadied him once—she always wants to steady him if things got rough for him, and she securely anchors him with these same, small hands.
Asuka curiously looks at him. "Is something the matter, Judai?"
He shakes his head, smiling. It's warm, so very warm. It’s a really nice feeling. "Nothing! Dates are supposed to be happy and I'm happy right now!"
She turns pink. That's cute. "I'm glad," replies Asuka, smiling tentatively. She looks at her lap. "At first, I thought a walk would be boring for you."
Judai shakes his head, appalled that she would think that. If he didn't like walks, then they wouldn't be here right now. Besides, taking a walk helps clear his mind anyway. "A walk is great! It's a good change for me. I don't mind." She starts looking at him with something like hope, so he adds, "I'm happy like this."
She looks hesitant. "Really?"
Judai nods because there has never been a moment where he thought otherwise. "Really!"
She’s quiet, but softly squeezes his hand in gratitude. She smiles tenderly at their hands before looking forward at the center fountain of the park, enjoying the silence they sit in as children nearby laugh while playing. The silence is companionable; comfortable, peaceful.
But for Judai, the words keep echoing in his head: first-month anniversary, first date, special.
Special.
So, he gives her hand a little tug. "Let's keep walking? Wouldn't be a walk if we don't walk, y'know."
"You're right." Asuka gives him a warm smile, and that’s all he needs to stand up and gently tug her along.
.
.
He wonders if the universe finally decided to toss him a bone for once as he and Asuka walk through a visiting carnival in town that’s staying for two weeks here.
Judai isn’t too much of a people person, so he’s rather withdrawn from overly-crowded places nowadays. Not only is it for Yubel’s comfort, but also for himself. The Dark World experiences had made him aloof when he came back into this dimension, and remnants of this aloofness stuck with him despite regaining the energy and spirit he had once lost for a while. He supposes that’s another thing about himself that’s changed without him knowing. However, today gives him a good reason to put up with all of this. He kindly asked Yubel to bear with it as well, and they agreed very begrudgingly. Knowing that Yubel only wants what’s best for him, he really appreciates the sacrifice because this is definitely something that he thinks is best for himself. For Yubel, he will try to be happy. For Asuka, he will try to improve himself.
Currently, he stands nearby as Asuka inspects a stall of little trinkets. Taking out his phone, he sees that Fubuki left him a message of: TELL US WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU SEE THIS TEXT.
Rolling his eyes, Judai tiredly types, We’re at a carnival right now.
OOOOH EVEN BETTER!!! 😄😄😄😄😄 (Judai is so glad that Asuka is not paying attention right now, honestly.) She doesn’t like noisy games or rides, so avoid those!
Judai gives his phone an exasperated look. What the hell?! Carnivals are always noisy, so what would even match Fubuki’s standards and also meet Asuka’s expectations?
Luckily, Johan comes through for him. Bless Johan. You could win her a gift from a game! A simple game would do. One that’s easy to play. Maybe let her choose the prize in case you can’t decide?
Win her something cute!! Fubuki adds. She may not look like she does, but she enjoys a cute thing or two once in a while.
Judai’s about to retort somethi—
I’m her brother. I would know 😇
Judai grimaces, feeling the smugness radiating off the emoji in spades. Alright. Fair point.
OK, thanks again Johan! He stops typing, then slowly adds: And Fubuki-san!
When Fubuki sends back a heart emoji, Judai shakes his head as he pockets his phone and finally decides to join Asuka as she inspects a row of different patterned notebooks. This seems to be a small stall with cute feminine accessories. It’s utterly beyond his element, but Judai still patiently stands next to her. Asuka is a practical girl, so if he had to take a guess, she’s probably eyeing one of these notebooks for a school reason. “Find anything you like?”
She takes a simple light blue notebook that looks smaller than an average notebook, complete with rounded corners and no spiral binding. It suits her style: very minimalistic and neat. “This one. I thought it might be good to have a new planner for the next school year.” (His hunch is right.) Asuka starts looking apologetic and sheepish. “But I suppose I should buy it next time. It’s not really befitting for a date to shop for school supplies, huh?”
When she begins to put the notebook back, he calmly stops her with his hand on her wrist. “Dates should be happy for the two people involved—” He slowly lets go of her wrist. “—so if this makes you happy, then you should get it!” Judai casually adds, “It would make the second person happy if the first person is happy too, because the second person knows how much of a workaholic the first person is.”
She reddens, averting her eyes. “Fine,” she surrenders, turning around to approach the cashier, who apparently has been amusedly watching them for a while. “I’ll go pay for this and then we can continue.”
Victoriously, he smiles and nods. Upon her return minutes later, her notebook is in a small gift bag, which she tucks into her purse for safety. The sight makes him brighten up as they continue walking. (She smiles when she thinks he isn’t looking, but he accidentally catches her once because he’s glancing around for something they can do together. He pretends he didn’t see it so that she doesn't feel embarrassed.)
Johan said to find something easy to play, but it seems like other people also had the same idea since the queues are so long.
Grimly, Judai can already tell that it is going to be a long, trying day.
.
.
Satisfyingly, he idly tosses the softball up and down in his palm in a moment of rare smugness. Next to him, Asuka is quietly debating on a prize with the stall owner because Judai had decided to give her the honor of choosing the prize.
At first, he was considering the stall with the darts-throwing game because it actually seemed kinda fun to him, but Asuka oddly paled when he brought it up. Instead, she nervously smiled and suggested for him to try the game that involved throwing a ball to knock down stacked bottles. She was adamantly against the darts game, so Judai tried her suggestion. By some miracle, he ended up winning with one throw. One throw. He is suddenly very grateful that all of those softball playing days with Misawa in P.E class came in handy for this very moment today. It would’ve been so uncool and lame if he needed more than two throws or misaimed. Maybe the universe is finally giving him a break?
Judai blinks when Asuka suddenly lifts something big and brown at him. He stops tossing the ball in his hand, staring dumbly.
She beams at him. “The owner told me that he was running low on prizes and I wasn’t too interested in the other ones, so he let me have this! He said that you deserve it for knocking everything down with one throw.”
While he is very touched by the sentiments of the stall owner, Judai has to ponder why, out of all the prizes the owner had left, it had to be a giant plush of Winged Kuriboh.
Winged Kuriboh: his own spirit companion, his furry little winged buddy, his tiny advisor—
“Kuri! Kuri, kuriiiii!”
—his small friend that adores Asuka.
He watches Winged Kuriboh’s spirit fly up to her, squealing loudly at seeing its plush counterpart like it’s the best thing in the world. If Judai focuses hard enough, he can see hearts radiating around it while the background is a sparkly pink. It’s good that Winged Kuriboh is so excited, he supposes. It hardly gets to have fun like this. Placing the softball back on the counter, he says to Asuka, “So… You like it then?”
Asuka happily tightens her arms around the plush that’s seemingly thirty inches tall. “I do! It reminds me of you.”
“Kuri!” The real Winged Kuriboh looks at him with the biggest, brightest eyes ever as Asuka says this. Puppies would probably beat each other up just to be able to pull this look.
Judai blankly looks between the two of them. “Me...?” They start walking away from the stall, his hands in his pockets as she hauls thirty-inches-tall Winged Kuriboh.
“Because Winged Kuriboh’s your friend,” she answers, not knowing that the real Winged Kuriboh is nuzzling against its thirty-inches-tall counterpart right now. Judai has to wonder why it has to be thirty inches tall. Thirty. Inches. It looks so cozy in her arms— “It’ll remind me of you next time you leave.”
So having phone calls and texting is not enough—? “If you wanted something that reminds you of me, then I could’ve just given you something I own instead,” he mumbles.
“Like what?” inquires Asuka, raising an eyebrow. (The real Winged Kuriboh rests on the head of its giant twin, patting the fake fur with its paws lovingly.)
Judai tries to think. “Maybe my jacket. I have other jackets, so I could leave one behind if you wanted something to remind you of me.”
“I’ll pass.” Asuka hugs her plush tighter and simpers. “After all, I can’t hug a jacket like how I can hug Kuriboh. I’m sure it’ll keep me company more, since it’s so cute.”
He blinks, feeling dejected. If they’re together as a couple, then he essentially gave her a piece of his heart! How can a thirty-inches-tall Winged Kuriboh beat that?! What the hell! “But it can’t talk!” he whines, petulantly.
“A jacket can’t either,” Asuka quips, looking amused.
“Jackets can keep you warm.”
“That’s why Kuriboh has fur.”
“Jackets are normal sized.”
She rolls her eyes. “Kuriboh’s the right hugging size. I assume that’s why people invent large plush toys.”
“You can’t wear Kuriboh like how you can wear a jacket.”
“I am not wearing your jacket in front of anyone who has a fully functional mouth,” she replies, monotone. “Besides, it’s rarely cold here.”
“The jacket would be from me,” he tries again.
She raises an eyebrow. “But you won this Kuriboh, though?”
He averts his eyes grumpily. “Alright, I get it. Winged Kuriboh is superior.” (The real Winged Kuriboh floats up to pat his head consolingly.)
Asuka snorts. “I don’t mind you leaving behind your jacket. No one said I’m not allowed to have more than one gift.”
Still sulking, he makes a mental note to leave behind his red blazer. She associates it with him the most.
But is this special enough for her?
Is this special enough for a first-month anniversary?
No. No, it’s not. Anyone can play a game and win a prize. Anyone can win a plush toy. Anyone can have a jacket.
And Asuka isn’t just anyone.
.
.
Sagging his shoulders a little, Judai is starting to feel defeated. It’s almost sunset, which means that the day is almost over. Which means their first-month anniversary is almost over. Which means he’s running out of time, and he still has yet to make today special for Asuka.
After he won her the Winged Kuriboh plush, they walked around aimlessly for a while. He didn’t attempt winning any more prizes for her since she said Kuriboh is enough, but they did stop whenever she pointed out something that caught her eyes. This was only two hours ago, which makes Judai realize that time had unknowingly passed by too fast today and it makes him feel awful.
Currently, he walks with her, feeling very crestfallen. His phone vibrates in his pocket, but he doesn’t pick it up. He doubts that he would even have the time to pull off whatever Fubuki and Johan will suggest next anyway. He simply stays walking next to Asuka, who is smiling at the sunset. Walking side-by-side like this, it makes him realize just how affected he is by today. If she’s smiling, does that mean today was a success? What makes a date successful? How does one conclude things like these anyway?
Absently, he notices that they walked themselves out of the carnival and they’re now walking down a sidewalk with a rail separating the sidewalk from the beachside. Everyone must be back at the carnival because this street is very empty. Judai actually finds that comforting.
The beach… Fubuki would probably recommend a romantic stroll. It wouldn’t work out since Asuka almost freaked out when someone bumped into her earlier and she almost dropped Winged Kuriboh’s plush on the dirt. She’d probably react the same way again if they’re at the beach because of all the saltwater. That wouldn’t make anything special either. He’s out of ideas—
I think you’re trying too hard, Yubel remarks, for the first time today. Yubel’s silence today was their way of granting him and Asuka privacy, but Judai could tell they were still watching, though. After Yubel joined his soul, observing was something they like to do as Judai lives his life. Yubel always has his best interests in mind, so if they say something to him, then he knows that it’s true. He can never doubt Yubel.
Judai broods. No, I didn’t try hard enough!
Yubel sighs. You know she’s a simple girl. There’s nothing wrong with simplicity.
But that’s not special! he whines.
They are probably rolling their eyes at him. Does she think that? You never even asked her, idiot.
He shuts up.
Does Asuka even think all of this is special? Judai can’t remember the last time he’d felt so desperate to make something go right for himself ever since the Dark World. This time, he’s not fighting for the world’s sake; he’s not fighting for his life, he’s not desperate to stop the apocalypse—he just wanted to make this day special for Asuka.
Judai has been trying. Really, he has. He is certainly not perfect, but he still tries. It’s just that it’s hard to try.
He is shackled by his nature, the other half of his soul, and maybe this is how it’s meant to be for someone like him. There’s only one Yuki Judai in the world—he’s what the world has. He carries the world’s burden by himself. His place is out there: somewhere large, vast, seemingly perpetual, maybe even unknown. He has to keep moving, because he can’t afford to stop. The world had too many close calls before, and he certainly had been involved more than once as well. He can never live a normal life and do mundane normal things like get a normal job and submit himself to capitalism after graduation. He is not ‘normal.’
But despite all of that, Judai is still a person . He has feelings, desires, and dreams like any other person. Judai might not be fully human anymore, but for the most part, he’s still Judai and that won’t ever change. Judai is his identity. Human or not—Haou reincarnated or not—it won’t stop him from being Judai in this lifetime.
And Judai has friends; loved ones to consider. Throughout his whole life, they are the people who've kept him going when things got rough. So for Asuka, he wants to do what he can to give her some memories to treasure before he embarks again. Judai’s life pans out very unexpectedly and he never knows what he wants to do for the future, but if there’s anything he’s learned about Asuka, it’s that—
She would treasure today no matter what, he realizes sadly, feeling his heart clench. Yubel’s right. He is such an idiot. Idiot. Idiotidiotidiotidiot—
Asuka deserves so much better.
“Your phone keeps vibrating. I can hear it,” she suddenly says. She gives him a glance, something meaningful in the gesture. She’s worried.
Unenthusiastically, he digs out his phone and checks his screen. Five new messages, all five from Fubuki:
Ryo told me that he saw you two when he was on his way to my place
He said Asuryn had a giant Winged Kuriboh doll
I AM PROUD OF YOU
I’ll stop now but pls make sure to take advantage of the sunset
Good luck! I know you can pull through.
He smiles a little at the final message. Judai puts his phone back to sleep and tucks it away—
“What did Nii-san message you about?” she casually asks, still looking at the sunset.
He blinks.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Warily, he asks, “What makes you think it was Fubuki-san who texted me?”
Blasé, she says, “Johan is your best friend, but I know he's not the type to spam—and I would think I know my own brother long enough to know that he had a part to play today. Not to mention, you guys aren’t that good at being subtle.” After a beat, she adds, “And you hardly ever texted this much before on your phone.”
Oh.
Resignedly, he says, “They were just trying to help me. Don’t blame them, okay?”
Asuka nods. “I know.” She continues looking at the sunset, then asks, “Would you like to talk about it?”
He averts his eyes, a little shameful. “How much do you know?”
“Everything after I went back to my room to change clothes.”
Oh. He can tell she eavesdropped for his sake. Even when he’s having some personal things to deal with, she still tries to look out for him in small ways. Does she ever get tired of looking out for him? He messes up so much, he’s lost count for a long time.
Still, Judai admits, “I wanted today to be special for you.”
“So that’s why you suggested a date?” she patiently finishes. He feels remarkably embarrassed. “You know, I probably would’ve tripped if you went with the skating rink. And I would rather eat ice cream at the park than something at a restaurant, because I know someone doesn’t like crowded places.”
She doesn’t really like crowded places either, but she only mentions him. Awkwardly, he turns his head to stare at the beach. He stares at the water washing up on the shoreline and wonders how it would feel if all of his problems could simply be swept away in the waves. “Which is why I wanted you to choose.”
“Which is why I chose a walk. We’re both comfortable with that.”
“Then why go along with the carnival?”
“I could tell you were putting up with it for me, so I didn’t want your sacrifice to be for nothing,” she responds, sounding amused. After a moment, she smiles gently and says, “It’s already special.”
Slowly, he finally looks at her. “What is?”
“Today. It’s already special.” Asuka’s pace is slower as they walk. “You’re here. That’s already special enough to me.”
His heart skips a beat. Then another and another— “But I’ve been visiting you more lately?” I know I make you sad.
Asuka smiles again, patiently. “Which is why I’ve been really happy lately.”
The heartbeats in his chest echo loudly in his ears, booming. She stops walking, so he stops walking too. “But today—”
“Judai.” He stops talking and looks her in the eyes, feeling lost. Asuka’s smile looks very earnest, loyalty embedded in her eyes. “I love you. Why did you think I agreed to a date when we both know that I’m really busy as a teacher?” she quips, wearing a humored smile. The sunset makes her shine, the orange light coating both of them. A breeze picks up gently, but neither of them notice it. He merely looks into her eyes, feeling these beats make a thundering rhythm inside of him.
He knows. He knows—yet, he can’t say it. “Because you…”
He thinks of Asuka fading away; thinks of how she yelled at him before she died, thinks of how she worriedly made him promise to not get involved with those death duels, but he didn’t listen—
He thinks of his cowardice. He’s scared. Yubel suffered because of love. Would someone else suffer too if he says that he loves them? No. No, they won’t, right? That’s all in the past. He thought he was over this, but no: the real problem lies in how he keeps shrinking back into the point of when he was at his lowest. It haunts him; there’s no doubt about it. A part of him just has this fear that he could hurt someone again if he admits to loving someone—because when Haou died, Yubel grieved. What if something happens to Asuka again? She’s human, so she’s more prone to danger. Judai thinks he wouldn’t be able to handle it. She already died once, yet she still feels this way for him. Love can be so… painful. Why does it hurt when people love?
Why couldn’t he be normal so that he can tell Asuka that he—
Suddenly, Asuka gently cups his face with her hands, tugging him down to meet his eyes. The Winged Kuriboh plush sits on the cement, leaning by their feet against the rail. “I love you,” she repeats, with confidence. It’s like she’s confessing all over again.
Judai’s breath hitches.
Patiently, she repeats, “I love you.”
Something stirs deeply in his heart.
There is something incandescent and beautiful in how her gaze doesn’t waver. She loves him. She’s loved him for so long now. He has all these faults and made so many mistakes, yet she still loves him anyway. She could’ve picked anyone, but she picked him . Maybe it’s not about how she deserves better—it has more to do with how she is always willing to love him; that he doesn’t have to do much to deserve her love because she willingly gives it to him. Asuka is so stubborn in her own way. They’re a couple now. They’re in this together. Asuka is trying so hard to make this work with him, but he’s failing to meet her halfway. Even then, she never complains. She waits, and she listens, and she keeps on waiting. For Asuka, love is unconditional like that. For him…
Judai loves her.
If he can’t say it to her, does that mean these feelings for her aren’t real? If he can't say it, does that mean he isn't willing to acknowledge that what they have right now is important to him? If he can’t say it, does that mean none of this is special to him? So many ifs, yet not enough answers. So much uncertainty, yet not enough confidence.
He loves her. To him, everything right now is real. “I... love you,” he murmurs.
Asuka widens her eyes. The silence is tentative; delicate. “You…?”
He softens his eyes. “I love you.”
“You...?”
He smiles gently, raising up his hands to place atop hers. He never removes her hands off his face, because she steadies him. While Yubel steadies his soul, Asuka can steady his heart. He’s been worried for nothing. He’s such an idiot. “I love you.”
She smiles tenderly. “I love you too.”
“I love you more,” he replies softly, curling his fingers around her hands.
Her face starts to redden. “I… love you more than that.”
Watching her, he starts feeling fond. If anything were to happen to her after this, then he’ll just have to protect her. She at least deserves to be told that she’s loved. They’re a couple, after all. He wants to be there for her. “I love you a lot more than that.”
“I…” She’s so, so red; even redder than his blazer. He didn’t know the former Queen of Obelisks could ever look like this. “...loved you longer…”
When they first got together, it was always Asuka who initiated everything. From hugs to their first kiss, she was always the brave one. It makes him feel lame. The most he got to initiate was hand-holding. He’s the lamest boyfriend ever in history.
That’s why he gently leans forward and kisses her this time. “I love you the most then.”
She seems to have accepted her defeat, her face an indescribable red as she pointedly avoids his eyes. He smiles at his victory, letting her snatch her hands back. Already, he sort of misses the warmness her hands left on his face. It was comforting. "Now that we got that settled, you better not let Nii-san influence you again, okay?"
As she bends down to pick up her Winged Kuriboh plush, he asks, "What about Johan?"
She stands back up, and they resume walking again. "He’s fine. I trust him more than Nii-san. You mostly followed Johan’s advice today, didn't you?"
Judai snorts. "Yeah, I did, but I guess Fubuki-san also has some good ideas once in a while. He was the one who thought of winning you a prize."
“So he’s why I have this now?” She lifts up Winged Kuriboh’s plush.
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “Actually, Johan suggested playing a game, so I went for it. I really didn’t know the stall owner would give you that—since you said he was low on prizes.”
She grimaces. “Then what did Nii-san actually tell you to do?”
“That’s for me to know!” Judai casually smiles, pretending to ignore her suspicious glare.
Darkly, she mutters, “I’m going to have a word with him later.”
“Do it tomorrow,” he coaxes, piteously. “After all, he did try to help us today.”
Asuka looks unamused. “By being stupid?”
“Aw, that’s not nice...”
“So was conspiring behind my back together,” she retorts, grumpy.
“...Are you mad at me then?” he asks tentatively, a little dejected.
Frowning, she glances at him and then declares, “No, I’m just annoyed at Nii-san and Johan.”
Resignedly, he gives up defending those two. They sorta dug the hole for themselves already. “They might pull the same thing again if we ever decide on a second date.”
“Duly noted,” she remarks, grimly. “It’ll be fine as long as we don’t tell them about it.”
“Does that mean we’re going on another walk?” he lightly jokes.
“Actually,” Asuka starts smiling amusedly, “I thought that skating rink idea wouldn’t be so bad to try. Sometimes, a change is good, right?”
Fondly, he nods and says, “Yeah. Let’s try it next time.”
“It’s a date,” she promises.
.
.
“You enjoyed today, right?” she asks later, when they’ve finally returned to her apartment. She places the Winged Kuriboh plush on the couch, taking off her purse.
Judai sits next to the plush, resting his legs. His eyebrow arches. “Yeah. Why?”
“Nothing, just curious,” Asuka dismissively replies, looking away distractedly.
Unconvinced, he gives her a look. “Asuka.”
“It’s nothing! I just thought you probably didn’t have fun since Nii-san and Johan were helping you so much, but then I remembered what you said in the park.” She looks apologetic. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy too. I’m sorry for asking, Judai.”
Softening his eyes, he stands up from the couch to approach her and pat her head. “It’s okay; I know you were just looking out for me. I don’t mind what we do as long as we’re together, alright, Asuka? I’m the one who’s sorry for worrying you, to be honest.”
“You worry me all the time,” she scolds firmly, “I don’t think I can stop that.”
He sheepishly smiles. “Hey… I’m still in one piece now, right?”
She gives him a flat look.
He suddenly takes off his olive-green jacket, offering it to her. “Here.” She slowly takes it, looking puzzled. “Remember our talk earlier after I won you that Winged Kuriboh? I was thinking of giving you my blazer,” he softly admits, “but I thought it over on the way back. That blazer is a huge part of who I am; I’ve worn it for so long, and I’ve done so much growing while wearing it. I’d like to keep it so that I can remind myself who I am if I ever feel lost again. That’s why I thought you could keep this jacket instead. If you want something to remind you of me, then I’ll entrust it to you, Asuka.” After a beat, he tentatively jests, “I don’t wear it as much, so it’s practically brand new. We weren’t running or anything, so you don’t have to worry about weird smells.”
Gently, she brushes her fingers against the jacket. “If I’m being honest,” she quietly says, smiling, “I thought you were just joking about the jacket thing.”
“Asuka, I gave you a touching speech and that’s all you have to say?!” he complains, embarrassed. He reaches out for the jacket. “I’ll take it back then—”
“No, I’ll keep it!” she replies laughingly, swatting his hand away. “Thank you, Judai.”
He snubs her, sulking.
Fondly, she shakes her head at him. “If you’re embarrassed by that, then I’ll be ten times worse if Nii-san somehow finds this jacket during one of his future visits.”
Judai cringes at the imagery. “Would it help at all if I apologize in advance?”
She pretends to look stern. “No.”
“...” He racks his brain, crossing his arms. “I’ll let you blame me all you want?”
“A little better, but not good enough.”
“You can send me angry texts if he finds out?”
“I’m going to make dinner,” she dully declares, rolling her eyes. Asuka neatly folds up his jacket, leaving it on one of the dining room chairs. She grabs an apron, ignoring him.
“Okay then, all three in that order!” he randomly decides, resigned. He sits on another chair at the dining table, his chin sitting on his palm. “If you think of any ideas—any at all—let me know.”
“If you keep sulking, then I won’t make fried shrimp,” Asuka calmly says, gathering ingredients from her fridge.
His eyes widen. “No! I’ll behave! I swear!”
“Good.” She starts setting up pots and bowls at the stove, placid. She’s so good at dealing with him. He feels a little awed himself. “My hands are full. Could you grab that hair tie for me, please? It should be where the apron was.”
Fetching it, he stands behind her and asks if she needs help tying her hair. She answers yes, so he clumsily gathers her hair while she opens a bag of shrimp and counts up how much ingredients she should put in her broth. Her hair feels so smooth. He’s actually never touched it before. She trusts him enough to tie her hair for her without a second glance. To Judai, the tiny gesture weighs like the world.
Midway tying her ponytail, he stares and lightly kisses the back of her head.
Asuka pauses her work. “...Did you do something just now?”
He’s so lucky that she hasn’t peeked at him from over her shoulder. His face is hot. Finishing her ponytail, he steps away and turns his back to her. “No; I just finished tying your hair, that’s all. I’ll be in my room until you’re done!”
When he retreats back into his room, he thinks he’s still rather lame for a boyfriend—but for Asuka, he tries. Judai might take a while to accept change, but it’s a part of life to not know what to do when encountering change, and it’s also a part of life to accommodate slowly. In time, he will get better eventually.
Because for Judai, seeing Asuka happy is worth it.
.
.
fin