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[1.]
Jason would consider himself a handyman, but when it came to hanging things so they weren’t totally crooked he sucked. Good thing Jason had become a vigilante and not a carpenter. He hadn’t exactly had someone to teach him the art of being ‘Okay’ at handiwork, so he always ended up calling for backup in those situations.
Last time he had called for help he had called Roy, his idiot had showed up within the hour with a bag in hand and a few screws all in different sizes, but with the combined useless abilities of the pair they had hung a shelf.
It was hanging proudly in his apartment, was it perfect? Absolutely fucking not, but it was still hanging on the wall, so does it really have to be perfectly horizontal?
Jason had to restrain himself from calling Roy and getting him to come by and help try to put up a shelf in his apartment at June’s, he really wanted to have more space to put his plants, but the floor was already occupied by quite a few plants and some stray stacks of books that didn’t fit on his bookcase.
He didn’t call Roy since a crooked shelf would skew Peter’s perception of Neal, Neal was a perfectionist who noticed even the smallest flaws so a shelf that was crooked would be too big of a sign that something was off. Instead he called up one of his least hated brothers, so he was crossing his fingers and hoping that he would answer as the line trilled.
Duke answered the phone with “Mmm?”
Jason sighed, what was it with people and not even saying hello, he might have been gone for a while, but he wasn’t going to pester his potential shelf hanger about it.
“I don’t get a hello?”
“Wha-” He sounded really unfocused, what was he doing?
“Did I wake you up?”
“Mm, yeah” Duke sounded sleepy, could the shelf wait for a bit?
“Can you come over and hang a shelf for me?”
“Can’t you just… do it yourself?”
“Look, I’m not a carpenter!” Jason said to defend himself.
“Maybe you should consider a career change” Duke laughed at him “Become less of a disappointment?”
Red Hood was going to be spotted beating up a yellow costumed person later this day.
“I can’t become a bigger disappointment than I already am”
“You could become a vigilante” was the answer he got for that comment.
Exasperated, he answered “You are a vigilante as well!”
“Your point is?”
“I-” He got cut off by his rude little brat of a brother.
“Exactly, I am coming over now.”
The line went dead and Jason smiled to himself. He was glad that Bruce’s addiction was bad enough to adopt every kid in trouble in Gotham. What would he do with his life if he didn’t have a herd of siblings to spice up his life?
**********
Peter was busy doing absolutely nothing. He sometimes regretted wasting a big time of his life chasing non-existent goals, he wished he had realised earlier in his life that no matter how successful he was in life he wouldn’t be happier.
He could have been hanging out by a barbeque chatting with a bunch of friends, instead he was driving by his CI’s house just to visit him. Which possibility was the one he preferred? He would never ever answer that question, even if he was being tortured.
When he entered he greeted June with a wave of his hand and a fond smile, he was willing to ignore that she possibly had criminal ties if she just helped him keep Neal out of trouble, it was kinda like they were co-parenting, except that neither of them were his actual parent, he probably had great parent, fantastic even. Peter mentally cursed himself out for putting him in the role of Neal’s parents, the con man was a grown man, he didn’t need a new father figure babysitter.
The stairs that led up to Neal’s apartment were creaky, it was unclear if it was on purpose or if it was because the house was old. Time after time again he tried to find a pot on one of the steps that wouldn’t creak, but it seemed like they all creaked.
He knocked on the door, there were muffled voices coming through it, but they were impossible to identify. Heavy steps neared the door and Peter stepped back, ready to be greeted with the sight of Neal and an empty apartment, he had a knack for hiding people when they were over.
Neal opened the door, at first glance he had looked displeased and gruffly, but the second their eyes met he seemed to change, was it just a trick of the eyes or had he acted differently before he was there?
“Hi Peter!”
Peter smiled at the greeting “Hello Neal”
A voice chimed in from further into the apartment “Peter!!”
He leant forward and whispered to Neal “Was that Jones?”
The other man just laughed and nodded, beckoning him into the apartment. Peter was slightly horrified at the sight that met him when he got further into the apartment, Jones was standing with a hammer in hand surrounded by screws and nails all in different sizes.
“Don’t mind the mess” Jones said with a smile on his face “We are trying to hang a shelf”
Why was Jones there to help? Did Neal think that Peter wouldn’t come help with such things? He would gladly do it, he would even paint his whole ass apartment if he was just asked.
Jones and Neal were really often close to each other, it seemed like they had bonded from the first moment they laid eyes on each other, like two pieces of a puzzle that had been made to fit together. Peter narrowed his eyes as he looked at the two messes, one was a CI and the other an FBI agent.
Peter found himself asking “Has no one taught you how to hang a levelled shelf?”
Neal and Jones looked at each other clearly trying not to burst into laughter. Did they really not have a parent teach them that? Either they had a slightly incompetent parent or a parent that didn’t even try to be a parent.
“Well…” Jones tried to compose himself “My dad wouldn’t know how to even hold a hammer”
Neal barked out a laugh at the answer. Jones raised the hammer again and picked up a screw, Peter put his hands gently on the others arms and smiled.
“Just let me do it”
He had never seen two equally unhandy people before, but there always had to be a first, he described in great detail how you hung a shelf so it was levelled and how it was nails that you used a hammer for. The end result was a perfectly levelled shelf, ready to be used.
Neal looked at him with awe in his eyes “Thank you, truly”
Peter looked confused, he had just hung a shelf, it wasn’t that difficult “No problem.”
Why didn’t the world renowned art thief know how to hang a shelf properly? It wasn’t that different from putting up a painting, but as he looked around he realised that not a single painting of Neal’s was hanging, they were all propped up against something else.
[2.]
Family dinner was usually scheduled on Tuesdays, it might seem like a pretty random day, and in all honesty it was. Bruce had tried to justify the importance of Tuesdays, but Jason hadn’t paid attention, Tuesdays were just a day of the week just like all the others, it would never hold any significance for him.
He hadn’t really regularly participated in family dinner for the last few years, it felt forced to be there, he had tried, it was just awkward, his family was tiptoeing around the subject of death like it was deadly, and nervous glances had been thrown his way, after that dinner he had decided not to participate.
Everyone made an effort to be able to be there no matter how hectic life was, Dick had once gone home from a mission just to attend family dinner and Jason admired his dedication but he would never do the same.
So when he got word of family dinner being cancelled he was surprised, it had to his knowledge never happened before. Tim had dropped by his place for a visit on a Tuesday, so he quickly connected the dots when he stayed for dinner, despite just showing up unannounced.
He was preparing dinner in the kitchen when a faint knock could be heard. Tim, who was sitting on his coffee table, turned his head quickly towards the door and cocked his head to ask ‘Who is that?’ Jason shrugged in response and made a motion signalling for Tim to hide.
Another knock could be heard, he hurried over to the door to open it, the person knocking was really impatient. He didn’t get a chance to open the door before it was opened by Duke, his face changed drastically when he saw that he was close to smacking the door right in Jason’s face.
“Hi…” He said awkwardly doing finger guns.
“Hello Duke”
Were all his siblings going to drop by and nag dinner from him? He would go over to Peter’s house if one more person showed up, they wouldn’t dare to ruin Duke and his undercover mission. He wasn’t actually sure how many of the others knew that he was undercover as well…
Duke stretched his neck and looked further into the apartment and spotted the abandoned Starbucks cup and whispered “Is Tim also here?”
Jason sighed, couldn’t Bruce have refrained from making all his adoptees detectives? “Tim, you can come out!”
Tim appeared from his walk-in closet, and made jazz hands “I’m bi!”
Duke laughed at him and Jason tried to keep a blank unimpressed face but failed and smiled at his ridiculous brother. Was it too late for him to convince Bruce to throw him out? If he just dropped by and called him ‘Dad’ he could probably get whatever he wanted.
“So,” Duke rubbed his neck, “Dinner?”
“Couldn’t you just order takeout?”
“Alfred says it’s unhealthy”
Well, he couldn’t argue with that. Jason retreated back into the kitchen in defeat and continued making food, it wasn’t going to be anything grand, he hadn’t been out to buy groceries for a while, so Mexican rice was the food he was making.
********
Elizabeth had pulled a Peter, how ironic was it? He had been close to starting making dinner for them both when she called and said that she wouldn’t be coming home for dinner since a potential set of clients had invited her out for dinner at a restaurant.
He couldn’t be mad about it, he was incredibly proud of how well her catering company was doing, it was growing more and more popular and she was finally getting the recognition she deserved. It was just weird seeing things change that quickly, he had grown used to their dinners together and how he was the one who sometimes had to cancel, but now it was them both.
Instead of making dinner for himself he packed a small package with some cake that Elizabeth had been sampling, she wouldn’t miss them, she had decided that those cakes weren’t the right ones. Neal loved sweets, so if he just showed up with cake he might be able to leech a free dinner off of him, Jones had also been a possibility but the last time he had gotten dinner at his place he had made Mexican rice and sure it was good but it was a little too spicy for his taste.
He took his car over to June’s place, and entered the building, Neal had mentioned her not being home so he didn’t need to worry about knocking, he walked over towards the stairs that led up to Neal’s apartment, on the way there he was close to tripping over a stool, but he didn’t fall.
The stairs that led up to Neal’s apartment were so creaky that it was unbelievable, he still didn’t get why they weren’t replaced. When he reached the top he knocked on the door, there were multiple voices inside, and the moment he knocked they all stopped, what was Neal doing?
He waited a solid five seconds before opening the door himself, the view that he got was… weird to say the least. There was a person who was actively fleeing out a window and Jones was helping him by giving him a horseshoe, Neal was still standing in his kitchen making food, and god did that smell delicious.
Peter looked towards Neal and motioned towards Jones and the strange guy “...What?”
He grimaced, “You couldn’t have waited just five seconds more?”
“No?”
He still hadn’t gotten an explanation and the dude was still hanging half out the window, they hadn’t really planned that through, there was nowhere he could flee from even if he got out the window, there was a long way down from the window and the guy didn’t exactly look very… athletic, most of all he looked concerningly thin and unhealthy.
The guy asked, reaching out a hand for support “Uhm, Jones, do you mind?”
“Not at all” He gave the man his hand and helped him inside again, the guy wobbled slightly, before gaining his footing again. Jones was in for a long lecture about how professional relationships between agents and CIs had to be.
“Hi Peter” The guy held out his hand “I’m Mozzie”
Why the hell did he know his name? Peter had a lot of work to do when he came home, he tried to memorise his face, ‘Mozzie’ was a fake name, just as fake as ‘Neal Caffrey’.
Peter gave him a firm handshake, and in return he got the same, his eyes widened slightly he hadn’t expected that. He turned towards Neal and said with a warning tone “Neal.”
The con man smiled and stirred in the food “Peter, my beloved FBI agent, can we wait until after dinner?”
Mozzie and Jones were looking at each other strangely and making weird motions with their heads towards Peter, how well did they all know each other?
He sighed “What are we having?”
“Mexican rice!”
He stiffened, he vividly remembered the nightmare of Jones’ Mexican rice, but it was too late, he was going to commit to his investigation of the new person in Neal’s life.
Mozzie.
[3.]
What is the best way of relaxing?
Earlier Jason would have said suiting up and going out to beat bad people up, and sometimes that was the only thing that worked for him, it was a guilty pleasure of his, the Lazurus pit still affected him and it brought out his worst sides, he knew that they were there before, he grew up on the streets, his bad sides were what helped him survive.
No one could survive the streets without doing a few bad things, not in Gotham at least. Many developed a bad conscience, Jason hadn’t, he was desperate to survive and he was willing to do what it took to do so.
Later on in his life he had sought out different ways to relax and take a breather, one of the things that he found helped was yoga, something about the simple moves that demanded one's full attention was the thing that helped.
Duke had once interrupted him while he was doing yoga, and he had left. A few minutes he came back with a yoga mat of his own and set it up and joined him, it had become one of the small things that they did together, just like their own sign language.
He didn’t drop yoga even after he took on Neal Caffrey, he continued doing it, and after a while Duke joined him again. It was pleasant, a small part of their routine that stayed the same, they also kept up their caped crusade, they couldn’t just drop it.
Oh, the self-sacrificing ways of a superhero.
*********
Peter was obligated to keep visiting Neal, he had to make sure that nothing bad was happening, and that he wasn’t beginning to stray from the right path, and if he found him doing so, he had to report it to Hughes.
Each time he visited Neal he feared catching him in something he wasn’t supposed to be doing, he enjoyed the company of the con more than he would like to admit, and he hoped that Neal enjoyed his company as well.
Neal Caffrey was an interesting person, he appeared to be the most perfect man alive, he didn’t have any flaws, if you ignore his kleptomaniac tendencies, but after a long time knowing him Peter kept catching him slipping, the mask would gradually disappear, most times for just a few seconds.
He knew that it was only a matter of time before he slipped off the face of the earth, he had done it before and he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again, and Peter knew that. What he didn’t know was where Neal came from, who trained him and why he chose the White collar department.
He only knew that he had to keep visiting Neal, keep earning his trust, keep paying attention until the truth would slip out, and that was exactly what he did. Sometimes he felt guilty about it, but it was his job.
Peter was going to miss going up the creaky stairs and knocking on Neal’s door, hearing the voices stop and entering the apartment to only see one person, despite the fact that there had been more just a moment earlier.
This particular day was different though, he climbed the creaky stairs, cursing them and hoping that they would just stop creaking. He reached the top and knocked on the door. It was completely quiet. He opened the door slowly, frightened that he would find an empty apartment.
That wasn’t the sight that he found, instead he saw something that he would never be able to forget; Jones and Neal were sitting on yoga mats near each other doing yoga exercises, Neal was sitting with his eyes closed, Jones had his opened and was staring right at Peter, slowly he put a finger in front of his lips, and Peter backed out, making sure to be as silent as possible.
[4.]
One of the parts of Peter’s job that he disliked more was picking up Neal each and every single morning, he was annoyingly chipper and energetic despite his anklet showing that he nearly didn’t get any sleep, it was a good day if he got 5 hours of sleep.
If Peter got less than 7 hours of sleep he wouldn’t be able to stand straight on his feet, let alone go to work for a whole day spending time catching criminals and solving mortgage fraud cases.
This day was weird though, Neal had gotten a solid 8 hours of sleep with no interruptions, which was odd, the con man seemed to be plagued by problems with sleeping, Peter didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to interfere, he didn’t want to scare off Neal with data about his sleep.
Peter could see that it would be a bit frightening, and he would be creeped out if anyone confronted him with accurate data about any part of his life, but the anklet monitored more things than just his location, it was just a part of it.
Each and every single day he drove his car to June’s place, he still couldn’t fathom why she had agreed to take in Neal, perhaps it was because of nostalgia, her husband had after all been a con man just like Neal.
Each and every single day Neal was late, it was as if he had made it his mission to piss off Peter, his working theory was that it was payback for his original housing, in hindsight making Neal stay at a shitty motel wasn’t the best idea.
Yet it would have been easier for him to be picked up, especially if he had decided to be late every day anyways, Peter wouldn’t have been forced to go up a set of creaky stairs every day, like he was now.
Staring at his least favourite stairs, he sighed and began his ascent of the stairs, each step creaked, it was a wonder that Neal couldn’t hear him come up the stairs, but the con man insisted that they didn’t creak. He had even demonstrated it by running up and down the stairs, and he had been right, they didn’t creak when he ran on them.
Peter arrived in front of Neal’s door, he sighed and knocked, counting down from 10 as he waited for someone to answer the door. There wasn’t anyone at the door in the 10 seconds he waited so he opened the door and let himself in. Neal wasn’t there, but there was a sleepy looking Jones on the way to the door.
His eyes widened when he spotted Jones, and the other’s eyes also widened, what was Jones doing there at Neal’s place in the morning? Looking sleepy and wearing a red robe that was suspiciously alike one that Neal sometimes wore.
Jones raised his hands in surrender and said “Look I can explain”
“I sure hope so…”
Peter was so fucking confused, he knew that no matter what excuse Jones came with he wouldn’t believe him, he had already connected the dots, or at least he thought, and god did he not like the conclusion that he had come to, he knew that Jones swung both ways.
But Neal? In retrospect he should have expected it.
“We were hanging out and it got late” Jones said rubbing his neck, “I slept on his couch”
Peter looked at him in disbelief, that was the worst lie he had ever heard, he even rubbed his neck, a classic show for when someone is lying, except… that would mean that Jones was lying all the time, and he wouldn’t do that.
“Right…” Peter looked around in the apartment “Where is Neal?”
“Uhm,” Jones laughed awkwardly “He is out on the balcony”
“The balcony?”
What was he doing on the balcony? Was he sitting drinking espresso reading a newspaper and laughing to himself about ruining a perfectly good FBI agent's job? Peter had to investigate this further, if Jones really did engage with Neal in an unprofessional way his job would be on the line.
Neal entered, holding a cigarette in his hand, he put it to his lips but when he spotted Peter it dropped down and he coughed, in the midst of his coughing fit he muttered the words “Hi Peter”
Neal didn’t smoke? He shouldn’t smoke, that wasn’t a part of his persona, was it perhaps the real person showing through the mask?
He looked unimpressed at him, raising an eyebrow “Good morning Neal”
Jones tried to awkwardly walk away, Peter raised a hand motioning for him to stay, Neal looked nervous, Jones did too, if they hadn’t done something bad, then why did they act nervous?
“Is dad mad at us?” Neal whispered to Jones, he did it loudly so Peter could hear it.
Dad…?
Oh, he had to get that under control. He couldn’t just drop any suspicions just because he got called ‘Dad’, it was said as a joke, so it didn’t mean anything.
Jones nodded and whispered back “Yeah, he scolded me”
Piss off, he hadn’t even done anything.
“Neal, why did Jones stay over?”
“Buy me a drink first” Neal said, joking… too bad he wasn’t funny.
He continued the interrogation with a stern voice “Neal”
“Fine, fine” Neal smiled “We watched Little Women, and it got late, so I offered for him to stay over.”
Little Women, that was a bad date night movie, Peter remembered watching it with Elizabeth and sobbing when Beth died, not that he would admit that out in the open.
“Right, we are late for work” Peter said, he would be forced to survey the pair of them closer, something was off, and his job was to know everything about his CI even if it meant having to look closer at Jones’ life.
“That we are.” Jones laughed, “Neal can I borrow a suit?”
He couldn’t fit one of Neal’s suits, they were built differently, and all of Neal’s suits were tailored to fit him, yet Neal just showed him towards his walk-in closet. Peter chose to take a seat on Neal’s couch to just take in what happened.
Neal…
Jones…
Neal and Jones.
[+1.]
Elizabeth was doing so well with her catering company, she had been hired to cater at several events all in the same week, they were all charity events and Bruce Wayne was hosting them, so there was no chance that she was saying no. His events were legendary, and despite how he acted at events his reputation was sparkly clean, so it was a great opportunity for her, even if it meant staying away for a week.
Jones was a good guy, great even. When he had heard that Peter would be alone for a week, he had invited him over for dinner. It had been a while ago, but he figured that the offer was still valid, so he was of course going to take him up on it.
He had called a few days in advance to make sure the offer still stood and it did, Jones confirmed it and even said that he would put the date in his calendar, so now Peter didn’t have to make dinner for at least one day in the week, he likely just ask Diana and she would offer dinner as well, Neal would do the same, they all knew how much he hated having to make it himself.
He had driven his car over to the apartment complex that Jones lived in, and he had chosen to take the elevator instead of the stairs, no sane man would take the stairs if an elevator was an option, and Peter considered himself quite sane.
When the elevator opened at his desired floor he of course exited it and went over to the door belonging to Jones, and he knocked, the door to his apartment was different than Neal, you couldn’t hear anything through it.
The person who opened the door was not who he had expected, it was Neal, the two of them stared awkwardly at each other. Why was Neal there? Jones had invited him over for dinner, but he didn’t mention that he would be inviting Neal as well.
“Well this is awkward” Neal laughed, and said in a more serious tone “Jones, I think you double booked”
A disappointed voice asked “Oh?”
Neal laughed “Yeah, you could say that”
Soon after Jones appeared besides Neal, a confused look on his face, matching the one on the others faces. Worry hit Peter, had he remembered the wrong date?
“Wait, Neal, what date is it?” Jones asked.
“The 23rd, why?”
“Oh fuck, I am so sorry”
Did he really plan something with the both of them on the same date, that was a really bad move from his side if he wanted to keep his and Neal’s relationship private.
“So, should I just leave?” Peter chuckled awkwardly, he was prepared to just go home and order takeout.
“No, stay” Neal smiled “We have ordered enough food for us all.”
“So no Mexican rice?” he asked, crossing his fingers mentally.
“Don’t you like Mexican rice?” Jones asked offended “I made homemade Mexican rice just like my br- mum did for me when I was younger”
Neal was quick to jump in on the hate train “You didn’t like my homemade Mexican rice?”
In all honesty their Mexican rices had tasted identical, not that he was going to mention it.
“It’s too spicy for my taste” was Peter’s great excuse.
“You are such a white man it hurts” Jones said laughing. If Jones ever invited Peter over to meet his parents he was going to complain to them about how rude their kid was, he feared that they would say the same as Jones if he tried though.
After the initial awkwardness it turned into a great night, they had fun and watched a few movies, including but not limited to Pride and Prejudice, Little Women (Neal cried when Beth died, and Peter wiped away a few tears) and to end the night they watched Home Alone despite it not being christmas, throughout the film they talked about which of Kevin’s experiments would work and which wouldn’t.
**********
Peter knew that Neal would never take it seriously if he began berating him about professional relationships, because he was the kind of person who would look someone directly in the eyes and laugh if you tried, because what could you do about it? Not that Peter had tried, or anything…
"Here you go!" Peter dropped off a stack of papers on Duke's desk, he looked up at Peter with a confused look on his face.
Why did he get more paperwork? He had nearly just finished filing a report about the latest case.
"Enjoy!" Peter walked away with a satisfied smile.
"Wait!" Duke shouted, trying to stop the man from leaving him with work to do, he was worse than Bruce when it came to filing paperwork. Accepting his fate he mumbled to himself "What even is this?"
He skimmed through the stack of papers, his eyes widening the more he read of it. It was the rules about having CI's in an FBI office, why did Peter feel like he needed to freshen up on them? He wasn’t doing any of the things on the list, so it couldn’t be a petty act.
He shrugged and pushed the paper aside, opting to begin a new mortgage fraud case. He had reached a point where he had begun enjoying doing those cases, they were surprisingly simple compared to some of the other cases, he couldn’t understand why some people hated them.