Chapter Text
"Steve?"
A soft knock sounded on the hard wood, gently waking Steve from his sleepy reverie, his tired eyes blinking open to the dark room.
"You up, Steve?" Her voice was half muffled by the door and Steve shifted on the bed, tugging the blankets tighter around his frail body.
It's soft warmth blanketed around him, mulling him into a false sense of security. His hands slid across the bed, almost out of habit to find the enpty space beside him. The bedsheets were cold to touch, not having had a warm body on it for several weeks.
Steve's pillow stayed smashed on his side of the bed, the other side of the bed untouched and unspoiled. The pillow was still rumpled from the last head that had laid out on it. The beside table still glittered with metal rings, a guitar pick and a photograph standing proud amongst the little things.
The curtains were drawn, making the room dark and stifling. Steve didn't want to face the day, didn't want to see the sun. It was a stranger to him, he didn't want to feel that warmth. He wanted the warmth of another. He didn't want the sun to make him positive, he wanted that positivity from another.
Ducking his hand back under the covers, he pulled it tighter around him and shifted under its weight. He stared unblinking at the empty space beside him.
"Steve? Love, I'm worried." Robin Buckley's voice came through his haze again and Steve closed his eyes.
For a moment, he wished everything would just disappear, and he'd be alone with him again.
The doorknob turned and Steve lifted his head as Robin opened up the door quietly. Her eyes met his immediately and something flashed across her face.
"Oh, Steve." She whispered, a sob catching on her tongue.
She crossed the room in an instant and immediately sat down on Steve's side of the bed, before moving him over slightly and laying down to face him.
Lifting her hand, she brushed his hair back from his eyes. It had grown wild and unkempt, something everyone knew was very uncommon for Steve.
"I'm sorry, Steve." Robin whispered, letting her fingers trail across his cheekbone.
Steve closed his eyes, begging and willing himself not to cry. He'd spent all night crying. Reaching for the one person that was no longer around. Robin presence was a small comfort, having her eyes watching him were not filled with pity but something else. An understanding.
"He would hate to see you like this." Robin whispered, only just loud enough for Steve to catch.
Steve knew that too. Eddie Munson had told Steve not to waste away after he was gone. He'd specifically ordered it. But how could Steve do anything but mourn, mourn for the past, mourn for the ways things now had to be.
Eddie was gone, leaving a giant hole in his life and heart. Nothing seemed to come close to filling it, if anything, everything made it worse.
Steve hadn't left the room in days, not wanting to see the band posters Eddie had put up in the loungeroom while laughing at Steve's sputtering. Didn't want to see the guitar that now sat lonely in the corner of the loungeroom, never to be played again.
Didn't want to see the his and his coffee mugs that Robin had brought them as a joke for Christmas. Didn't want to see the tons of photos Jonathan had taken of the pair of them over the years stuck to their refrigerator.
Everything felt like a reflection, a messed up reality that Steve had lost the only thing he'd ever had the pleasure of loving and had that love returned.
Eddie Munson was gone, leaving Steve, the house and the van parked in the driveway empty without him.
Robin stayed there for hours, soaking up the shudders and the cries that fell from Steve's mouth. Gently stroked her hand down his back as he shook and buried himself deeper into her grip. She whispered stories about how the teens were doing, how she was doing. How they all missed him and how everyone wanted to make sure Steve was okay.
Eventually, she whispered an apology about having to leave for work but she pressed a gentle kiss to Steve's forehead, leaving her reassuring lingering touch behind.
Alone again, Steve listened to the silence of the house.
It was unnerving, unnatural. Usually, the halls would be filled with the sounds of guitar or laughter. The teens and Eddie would be huddled around the kitchen bench, laughing about something that had happened during their epic campaign and Steve would stand in the doorway, watching them nerd out over it. Eddie would lift his head and smile warmly at Steve, mouthing the words "I love you," before Dustin would steal his attention again.
The kitchen was cold and unused. Steve had managed to slide himself out of bed and now he stood in the doorway, his eyes glued to the spot where Eddie should've been standing.
"Morning Sunshine, did you want coffee?" Eddie's voice broke through the sleep fueled haze that covered Steve's mind.
"Yes, a million times yes." Steve replied before letting out a soft yawn and shuffled further into the kitchen.
Eddie stood at the kettle, and Steve meandered behind him, wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist, resting his chin in the crook of Eddie's neck.
"Missed you this morning, you get up so early." Steve murmured, nosing at Eddie's neck.
Eddie let out a light laugh before squatting at Steve's hands lightly.
The kitchen was quiet, no light, no laughter, no love. Equipment switched off and Eddie's cup still dangling hopefully in its place on the rack on the wall.
Steve's chest tightened at the sight of it, hating the white tiles and cold feeling it gave. Too much like a Hospital. Steve sucked his trembling bottom lip in between his teeth, taking the first solo step into the kitchen since Eddie had passed.
"Stevie, you're being awfully ravenous tonight." Eddie giggled as Steve's hand slid to cup his cheek, pulling their lips together.
The taste of him, divine. Hands grabbed and caressed. Throwing his head back, Eddie let out a soft moan as Steve's fingers dug firm into his thighs, lifting until Eddie was scrambling to find purchase and then he was on the bench with Steve nestled between his legs.
"I love you so much." Steve rasped out, letting his teeth graze across Eddie's earlobe, feeling him shudder.
Steve stared at the bench, hands clenched as he fought every bone in his body to just run away, and hide.
It hurt to stand in places where the love of his life should be standing, hurt to breathe when the air tasted stale and filled with sadness. The last time they'd been in the kitchen, an argument had broken out about Eddie's health. Steve had been wrong, and with a jolt of reality, Steve realised he never even apologised for it and never could.
The collaspe wasn't something either of them had been expecting, everything had been normal. Great, even. They'd had a full day of entertaining the teens and then it was just them, swaying to music in the loungeroom.
They're arms were tight around each other, and their bodies had been sharing warmth. When Eddie's eyes met Steve's and their faces began to meet, Eddie slipped from Steve's grasp.
The wait for the ambulance had been the hardest, with Eddie not responding to anything Steve was crying out. He was motionless, eyes closed, breathing ragged.
Steve stared at that spot too, hating how it happened. Hated how Eddie didn't get a chance to fight whatever it was that took him. They' had survived worse, survived a war against the most evil thing ever created, but Eddie could not survive that.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't look anywhere without seeing traces of Eddie, couldn't breathe without him. It was breaking him apart, filling him with some kind of venom that burned him from the inside out.
Steve's fingers found the phone almost immediately and dialed the house number.
"It's Steve! And Eddie! Please leave a message!"
His voice broke Steve, and Steve slid shattered to the floor. Ringing the number over and over to hear his voice.
"It's Steve! And Eddie! Please leave a message!"
"It's Steve! And Eddie! Please leave a message!"
Tears fell rapidly down Steve's face, his eyes closing from the pain of being so alone.
He drifted off into his dream world, a world full of Eddie smiling and healthy.
When he woke, he wasn't in the kitchen. Sleep clung heavy to his eyelids and he could see a figure moving about in the kitchen.
"Eddie?" Steve asked, his voice confused with sleep.
The figure turned around and Wayne Munson's face softened.
"Afraid not, kid." Wayne replied as he took in Steve's waking posture.
"What happened?" Steve mumbled, embarrassed to be seen by Eddie's Uncle like this.
"I found you on the floor, carried you to the lounge. Now I'm making you soup because you look like a ghost and Ed-" Wayne stopped talking and Steve's heart tightened.
"Eds asked me to look after you." Wayne finished before turning away again.
Eddie. Always saving people, even now.
"Your door was unlocked and you weren't responding so I let myself in. Robin gave me a heads up to check on you. She's a good friend." Wayne's voice carried as he moved towards Steve with a bowl and spoon in his hands.
Steve struggled to sit himself up but managed and accepted the bowl Wayne offered him. The hot soup sent shivers down his back, his frame shivering quickly. He'd lost so much weight during Eddie's hospitalisation and he didn't really eat after that. Forgetting that he was human and needed substance to survive.
Wayne sat across from him, the same warm brown eyes Eddie had staring at him with fatherly concern.
"You're not looking after yourself." Wayne stated, making Steve flinch at the casualness of it.
Steve stared at the hot soup, watching the steam curl into the cold air.
"Steve?" Wayne said.
Steve lifted his head, eyes meeting Wayne's.
"I miss him." Was all Steve said and Wayne looked down, eyes sad and mouth falling into a thin line.
"Me too. Took me days to realise I wasn't going to get my daily phone call from him, that I was never gonna hear my boys voice again, but I also knew there would nothing he hated more than to watch us beat ourselves up." Wayne spoke softly, a pain evident in his tone.
Steve knew that.
"I don't know how to do this without him." Steve replied, his voice thick with tears.
"You pick up that spoon and just shove it in your mouth." Wayne suggested.
Steve looked up at Wayne again, who gave him an encouraging smile.
With nimble fingers, Steve picked up the hard spoon. Let some soup fill the empty void and lifted to his mouth. Steve inhaled the soup, eyes closing at the feeling of finally having something to eat.
His stomach rumbled and suddenly, the soup wasn't enough.
Wayne got up, moved back to the kitchen and grabbed some bread while Steve scooped spoon after spoon of soup into his mouth. Its rich tomato flavour was a welcome, and Steve inhaled it all.
Bringing back some toast, Wayne handed it to Steve who inhaled that too.
"Don't go too crazy. You'll make yourself sick after not eating for so long." Wayne warned.
Steve listened, and slowed to a stop. With the bowl empty, Wayne took it and washed it up. His eyes flitting about the house, a sad look crossing his face as his eyes locked on the band posters hanging front and center in the loungeroom.
"He loved this place, he was so excited to move out with you. Hardly slept the night before, just kept packing and packing. I had to listen to him giggle to himself all night." Wayne spoke softly.
Steve swallowed heavily.
"And he loved you too. I thought he was absolutely bonkers when he told me that he was dating Steve freaking Harrington. For a few weeks, I thought you were playing a mean joke on him until you came to dinner that first time." Wayne kept talking and Steve wallowed in it.
"The way you looked at him. Never seen it before, like he was everything you'd ever wanted. And he looked at you the same, I had no doubts after that."
Steve's lips trembled.
"Yes, Steve and Eddie. It was you two against the world wasn't it?"
Steve lifted his head, watery eyes following Wayne as he touched a few of the photos on the fridge.
"He loved you very much. Always did."
Steve broke, tears falling from his eyes as he struggled to not sob aloud.
"And I know you loved him too, so do his memory a favour and take care of yourself." Wayne was back in front of him.
Steve nodded.
"You need to, because Eddie isn't here anymore and it sucks and it hurts but you know he would be absolutely livid if he saw you this way. He wanted you to live, to laugh and to love again."
"How can I? How can I do any of that when I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest, Wayne? Eddie was everything to me, everything!" Steve cried back.
"You do it because you have to." Wayne replied, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Steve's shoulder.
"You do it because he that's what he wanted." Wayne added.
Steve cast his eyes down to his hands again.
"First step, is getting up off that couch and having a nice warm shower. How's that sound?" Wayne asked, taking the plate of toast from Steve's lap.
Steve nodded and slid half of the couch before getting to his shaky feet.
"One foot in front of the other." Wayne coaxed.
Steve did, he thought about it like that the whole way back into the bedroom..Wayne trailing behind him in case Steve needed help. Steve fetched some warm clothes, careful not to open up the drawer underneath it. He wasn't ready to see all of Eddie's stuff still in its place.
Wayne left him to shower, the hot water washing over him and calming him. Eddie's body wash stood upright in the corner and Steve bent to pick it up. Lifting it to his nose.
The familiarity hit Steve like a freight train, and he moved to lather himself with it. Washing it away, letting the bubbles disappear down the drain. He washed his hair, he needed to. Eddie loved his silky smooth hair.
He finished with the shower, dried and dressed. Feeling already slightly better.
Wrapping a towel around his head, he leaned in the basin and stared at his reflection.
"Oh come on, you've got to admit it!" Eddie giggled as he wacked Steve with the end of the towel.
"Never. I will never admit it. You use way more hair product than I do." Steve replied, shooting Eddie a smile.
Eddie mock gasped, clutching his hand to his chest.
"How dare you say such things to these beautiful curls." Eddie reprimanded.
"Beautiful curls, beautiful man, it's all the same." Steve replied as he caught Eddie shoulder and pulled him forward.
Their lips met, and Steve was brushing his fingertips over the exposed part of Eddie's throat. Letting one of his fingers tangle in the curl and tug on it lightly.
"Mm Steve, I swear you use any opportunity to make out with me." Eddie mumbled, his eyes closed with the sensation.
"Oh absolutely," Steve mumbled back against Eddie's lips.
Eddie let a loud giggle as Steve used his strength to lift Eddie up into his arms, striding out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom.
Steve glanced away from the mirror, looking down at the basin to gaze softly at Eddie's toothbrush still sitting in the holder.
"I miss you." Steve said out loud, talking to the toothbrush as if it could listen.
"I miss you so much, Eddie. I don't know how to live without you and now I have to live so many years not feeling your touch, hearing your laughter or listening to your heartbeat. I have to live while you're-" Steve faltered.
"We unfortunately do not know what caused the collaspe, but it's best we keep him here and do some tests. Find something that may have contributed to it." The Doctor said, his tone professional.
"Is he going to be okay?" Steve asked, his hand tightening around Eddie's.
"I really do indeed hope so, but we won't know for certain until more test are done. For now, he needs rest, hydration and to take it very very easy." The Doctor replied, giving Steve a short nod to indicate the end of the conversation.
"Hear that?" Steve turned to his unconscious boyfriend.
"You need to rest." Steve's fingers brushed back a few curls from Eddie's forehead.
"You okay, son?" Wayne's voice cut in and Steve jumped a little, startled.
Exiting the bathroom, he moved to the bedroom door and opened it. Wayne stood on the other side, looking like he knew exactly what Steve had been going through in there.
"You okay?" He asked again.
"Yeah just.. memories." Steve replied as he brushed past Wayne who watched him carefully.
"They'll hurt for a while kid, but you've got them. Keep them safe, secure. Eddie still exists in photographs, songs and memory. As long as you keep remembering, he's still here." Wayne replied as he followed Steve back down into the kitchen.
"I know. Thanks Wayne." Steve mentioned as they reached the ground floor.
"He asked me to make sure you were always okay. I intend to keep my promise." Wayne laid a gentle hand on Steve's shoulder.
"Did he say anything else be-" Steve couldn't finish that sentence.
Wayne nodded and dropped his hand, digging his hand into his pocket.
"When you're good and ready. He said to give you this. Please only open it when you feel up to it. His strict instructions." Wayne said as he produced an envelope from his pocket.
It was thick and Steve took it gingerly.
"You have my number if you ever want to talk. Robinnwill be by this afternoon. Continue to eat small amounts through the day, don't fall back into whatever it was this morning. Stay okay." Wayne added, patting Steve's shoulder one last time.
Wayne left him there in the house again, showing himself out.
Steve stared at the envelope in his trembling hands, recognising the messy scrawl of Eddie's handwriting. Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath.