Chapter Text
It had been few hours since the MDM had ended. The lobby was still buzzing with the chatter and clinking glasses of the afterparty that management had put on for everyone to celebrate together. Rinne had drank a few glasses of champagne and received a couple pats on the back, some cautious stares, a nod or two, and then snuck up to the 12th floor garden to smoke and think.
Don’t quit, idol.
Those words hadn’t stopped playing on repeat in his head since he heard them. His stomach hurt in a way it had been hurting almost every day since . .. well. Only worse now. What the fuck is wrong with me? he thinks. He flicks ash over the railing and rests his head in the crook of his arm, trying to centre his fuzzy mind.
“I thought you might be up here.” A voice comes from behind. He turns and sees Aira walking towards him carrying two glasses and a warm smile. He flicks away the last of his cigarette and smiles back.
“I just needed some air.” he says.
“Mm. Such fresh air.” Aira says, passing a glass to Rinne and waving his hand through the cloud of smoke that hangs around him. He leans over the railing and looks down. “You shouldn’t throw those over the edge, you know. What if someone was walking by and you set them on fire?”
Rinne laughs and sniffs the contents of the glass. “How did you get these?” he asks.
“They’re from the kid’s table.” Aira laughs, tapping his nose and holding his glass out towards Rinne.
Kampai. They clink the edges and sip together.
A comfortable silence hangs between them as they stand leaning over the railings of the rooftop garden, sipping their grape juice and looking out at the city below. A lot was already said tonight . Rinne wondered if the person standing beside him understood how much the things he said really meant to him.
“Ah~ First time I met you was on this roof.” He says, breaking the silence. “… up here flirting with Akehoshi after dark. Lucky I passed through to protect my precious little brother’s honour!” He laughs through his nose. Aira rolls his eyes and sips his drink.
“No. The first time you met me was when you felt me up in front of your ‘ precious little brother’ in our dorm.”
Rinne coughs and laughs loudly. “Oh, kyahaha! Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“No you’re not.”
Rinne turns is head in surprise at Aira’s bluntness, and his heart skips at the curious look in his eye. “No.” He laughs. “I’m not.”
He takes out a pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket. He offers the open box to Aira, who shakes his head and furrows his brow in disgust. Rinne shrugs and smiles.
He pulls a stick from the box with his teeth, and swaps the box back into his pocket for a lighter. He struggles a little to light the cig with one hand holding his glass. It’s not a particularly windy night, but up here on the 12th floor the breeze is enough to knock out a small flame over and over. Aira sighs gently and cups his hand over Rinne’s to help. Rinne smiles and blinks a thank you, then takes a long, deep drag. He holds the railing and leans back, blowing smoke up in thick clouds into the cold night air.
He looks over at the profile of the person standing beside him, who gently swirls his drink in its glass, who turns back and catches him staring and smiles, who Rinne has not stopped thinking about, not for one moment, since the night they first spent together up here. ..
Rinne is in love with this person.
“I’m sorry for what I said that night though.”
“What do you mean?” Aira says.
“About Hiiro. About you and him.”
“Oh. Oh! Haha, I never really gave that a second thought. I pretty much decided you were just being provocative and ignored it.” He sips his drink, maintaining eye contact all the while. Rinne finds himself suddenly very desperately needing to look away. He does so in a way that he is certain won’t come off as shyness, turning his attention to the cherry of his cigarette, gently turning and blowing on it and watching the ash turn bright red and crackle. His heart aches.
“Do you love my brother?” He asks, staring through the burning ash and out across the island. The view from the rooftop was so pretty at night. He doesn’t know why he asked, but he needed to know so badly.
“Of course I do.” Aira responds with very little hesitation, staring down into his glass. Rinne feels like he was stabbed and it’s all he can do to keep a straight face. He takes another deep drag of his cigarette. “…Sharing so much of my life and putting all my hopes and dreams as an idol on him as the leader of my unit . .. He’s very important to me.”
He tips his head back and gulps down the last of his drink then gently bumps his shoulder into Rinne’s arm. “But don’t worry. I’m not trying to marry him. I know ‘the king’ wouldn’t approve.”
Rinne doesn’t say anything. He can’t tell if the intention and tone of Aira’s words is of jest or something else. .. All the trouble he went to over the last few months, it was really for Hiiro’s sake, right? If Hiiro doesn’t have to chase his stupid brother around anymore then he can give more of himself to his unit. And to Aira.
Rinne is stupid for considering that it could actually be about him.
He keeps staring at the burning end of his cigarette then follows Aira’s lead and throws back the rest of his drink too, gasping as he swallows.
“Y’know, kanojo-kun, Hiiro is lucky to have you.” He says, grinning. “If you love him that much, ‘the king’ won’t stand in your way.”
Rinne can’t read Aira’s expression in this moment, but it definitely isn’t one he was expecting. His delusion might lead him to think he looked sad. Just for a second. Until that beautiful smile spreads across his face again and he nods gently.
“Okay.”
His expression quickly shifts again, and he reaches forward, his index finger resting under Rinne’s chin and his thumb gently swiping at the corner of his mouth.
“You got a little . .. juice here.” He says. As he pulls his hand away and wipes his thumb on his jacket, it takes more strength than Rinne knew he had to keep from grabbing him and confessing everything right there. Rinne is certain that there is something in the way that Aira looks at him that is asking him to make that move.
But he’s deluding himself, isn’t he? He touches the side of his mouth where Aira’s thumb just was.
“ Ai-chan, ” he musters a small voice and it pains him how meek he sounds. He takes a step closer and Aira doesn’t move back, allowing the distance between them to close.
This is ridiculous.
“Ai-chan I . ..” Aira’s eyes widen the tiniest amount and Rinne is certain he sees his pupils dilate.
“THERE YOU ARE!” A cute voice echoes from across the garden.
Though there was nothing to move from, both Rinne and Aira quickly step back, pulling away from each other. Aira looks down at his feet and then turns towards where the voice came from.
Why did it feel like they had done something wrong? Why was Aira acting this way too? Rinne’s heart was racing.
“Hiiro-kun!” Aira’s beautiful, sparkling voice calls back.
“Nii-san, Aira, what are you doing up here? Everyone’s been looking for you! They want to make a toast for us all! Come on!”
Rinne looks at Aira and is certain that he sees a small hint of disappointment in his eye even as he is smiling towards Hiiro.
As he moves forward, skipping slightly, waving and reaching out towards Hiiro’s outstretched hand, Rinne prays for him to turn around and look back at him. He just needs one knowing glance, a tiny, tacit acknowledgment, so he knows he’s not crazy.
“Nii-san, why are you just standing there? Come on!” Hiiro’s hand that beckons Aira is beckoning him also.
Look back. Rinne silently begs. Please. Only a couple of seconds have passed but the blood ringing in Rinne’s ears from the champagne and the nicotine and Aira touching his face so casually makes time feel thick around him.
Ah.
Aira looks back, just for a second, and he smiles in a way that Rinne understands. It’s a smile of we’ll talk again soon. A smile of next time you better say the right thing . It’s a smile that makes Rinne laugh loudly with relief. He closes his eyes and exhales, and his shoulders drop for the first time in hours. Days. Weeks, maybe.
“Ah! Sorry sorry, my cute otouto-kun! I just needed some air.” He says as he snaps back to earth and makes his way across the garden to meet them both.