Work Text:
Lain often wondered why things were hard. Lain often wondered if everyone felt like she did. Lain often wondered if things were always this hard and if they were just worse at handling it. Surely it had to be true.
Lain didn’t remember her childhood but nobody does. Lain had met their grandparents, they just don’t remember where it was because they were young and kind of sick. Lain was told when her parents got married, she just has bad memory. Lain just has bad memory. Lain’s parents just aren’t the really gushy kind who show baby pictures. It’s okay.
Lain’s parents aren’t really the gushy kind in general. It’s okay. Her mom doesn’t really talk much. It’s not her fault she’s just quiet. Their dad just really likes his hobbies. They don’t have to get along that well. Her sister is too mature to hang out with her baby sister. It happens. Lain’s family was perfectly normal, if not a little reserved. It’s okay, though, because Lain is too.
Sometimes Lain is shy. Lain doesn’t know how to talk to people, not really. They have trouble making friends but it’s only because they don’t have a lot of role models on account of their parents being reserved. Not everyone can connect well, it’s just how it is. Lain is just one of those people.
Lain doesn’t like technology much. She doesn’t like checking her email. They just don’t understand why people love computers so much, that’s all. They’re confusing and hard to use. She just doesn’t feel compelled to figure it out. Sometimes she wishes her dad loved her as much as he loves computers. Sometimes they think they’ve been unconnected for so long, it would be weird to start now.
Sometimes Lain doesn’t get along with her body. That’s expected, though. Every kid has trouble during puberty. Lain feels like their body does not belong to them. Lain doesn’t recognize herself in the mirror. They don’t like looking at their hands for too long. Sometimes she sees herself from behind or above. Sometimes they have trouble getting back into their body. She feels disconnected and uncaring. It’s okay, though, because everyone feels like that sometimes.
Lain sees things. Sometimes shadows are red. Sometimes blood rains from the sky and there are ghosts and sometimes it’s a man in the shadows. Maybe they need to get glasses. Other people see Lain, too. Other people see Lain doing thing she doesn’t remember doing. Other people see Lain in places she was not. Other people see Lain doing things they wouldn’t do. It’s okay, though. She looks pretty average. There’s probably just someone else who looks like Lain. Maybe they could get together some day and chat.
So maybe Lain has trouble thinking clearly and feels sad a lot of the time or empty the rest of it or maybe Lain feels blurry and disconnected from the world or maybe Lain becomes a different person sometimes. That’s okay, though, because that happens to everyone. Everyone else is used to it and doesn’t let it drag them down. Lain tries not to let it drag her down. She doesn’t know what she’s sticking around for but it’s not like there’s anything she can do about it.