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And as the world comes to an end
I'll be here to hold your hand
'Cause you're my king and I'm your lionheart.
A lionheart.
(King and lionheart - Of Monsters and Men)
It wasn’t the first time that Nate had a nightmare.
Brad got used to it. Nate would wake up in the middle of the night, a sweaty mess of tangled limbs in the sheets, and Brad would cradle him until he fell asleep again.
However, that night was different.
Nate screamed - a piercing scream that froze the blood in Brad’s veins. Brad wondered if he would ever reach the monster that was hiding within Nate. He wished he could kill it as if it were an enemy in the Iraqi desert, like the men both Brad and Nate slaughtered.
When Brad woke up, Nate was shaking. He was sitting on the side of the bed, desperately trying to pour himself a glass of water but only succeeding in dropping it on the bedside table. Brad got up on the other side of the bed and reached Nate as fast as he could, kneeling in front of him and giving him water. He stroked Nate’s cheek tentatively. Brad asked himself if Nate was here with him in that moment or if he was still in combat, gun in his hand and kevlar on his head.
“I got you,” he whispered. “IgotyouIgotyouIgotyou,” he repeated, so many times that the words stopped making sense. Brad pressed his forehead to Nate’s, holding his face with both hands.
“I’m here, Nate. Tell me what’s going on. Help me to help you.”
Nate rose his head slowly. “I killed a little boy,” he muttered under his breath. “I killed a child and he’s dead and he’ll never come back to his family.”
“You have never killed a civilian, Nate.” Brad’s tone was calm and he tried to hide his fear that Nate was too far gone. “It’s impossible that you murdered a child.”
Nate shook his head. “I’m a monster. I should just kill myself and be done with it.”
Brad sat beside Nate and put Nate’s head on his shoulder. He started stroking Nate’s hair slowly and deliberately, pressing his lips to Nate’s forehead.
“Don’t leave me, Brad,” he continued. “I can’t do it without you.”
“I’ll never leave you and you know it.”
Brad moved his hand to cup Nate’s cheek. Slowly, he turned Nate’s face until their lips were touching. He looked into Nate’s eyes, as if he was waiting for permission. Nate smiled tentatively and Brad kissed him, opening his mouth to allow Nate’s tongue inside.
Brad didn’t know how long they kissed; when they parted, Nate put his head on Brad’s lap. Brad maneuvered him back into bed, wrapping a blanket on their bodies.
“I’m with you,” he said, turning to his side and holding Nate closer, until his chest was pressed to Nate’s back. “I’m with you.”