Work Text:
Graduation was going smoothly, well despite Drew not being able to walk across the stage. But Dallas had a plan and they were all in on it. They just needed to wait for the perfect opportunity…
“And now we’d like to take a moment for a student who would’ve graduated this year. Adam Torres.”
Becky froze in mid-thought and looked up at the screen on the side of the stage.
Adam Torres.
A picture of Adam grinning in a suit jacket filled the entire screen.
Becky. Please. I love you…no Becky, wait.
All at once thoughts of Adam rushed to her mind and she couldn’t help but tear up. There was no way she would ever forget the last words he spoke to her.
Becky took a shaky breath to calm herself and suppress her thoughts before she’d really cry. As her mind was clearing up, she realized the song that was playing.
Hero. He was my hero.
The thoughts just came back and she frowned a bit. Of all the songs, they had to play that song. Becky clamped her eyes shut and this time took a not so shaky deep breath.
Becky was lost in thought the rest of the ceremony, but snapped out of it when Ali took a step forward. It was time. The plan. Becky took a quick step forward to catch up to the group and flipped her cap.
Everyone cheered and laughed and Drew was called onto the stage to receive his diploma.
Adam would’ve been so proud of him…and of me.
Becky shook her head to stop thinking about him.
By the time Becky reached the front doors of Degrassi, she reclaimed most of her mind.
No regrets.
She turned around to Imogen, “Hey Imi, grab my hips!”
Imogen looked at her jokingly, “Becky Baker was Dallas right? Have you been in love with me this entire time?”
Becky slightly shook her head and laughed. She looked over her shoulder and grabbed Imogen’s hands, “Just do it goofball!”
Imogen put her hands on Becky’s hips and Becky started flailing her arms as if she was leading a conga line.
With a look of realization, Imogen asked, “Are you starting a novelty dance for me?”
Becky slightly looked back at Imogen, “Well yeah.”
Becky led Imogen around the school front trying to start a conga line. She looked over her shoulder to see Imogen laughing and a long line of people behind them. Becky turned back around and smiled.
If Adam taught her anything at all, it was definitely not to live with any regrets and she was going to make sure Imogen and anyone close to her wasn’t going to have regrets…even herself.
Becky had a week before she left to Vermont for college and to say she was prepared was an understatement. She was more than prepared. Her suitcase was packed and already at the front door along with bags of various sizes. Even her parents’ van was already stuffed with the furniture she was bringing.
Despite all this, Becky was still running around looking for items and double-checking her lists so much that she didn’t even hear the doorbell ring a few times, well more than a few times, more like thirty times.
“Becky! Will you get the door already?! I’ve only asked you about ten times now!”
Becky yelled an apology to her mom and jogged into the foyer, knocking over a few of her bags. Becky opened the door quick and saw Drew in his car ready to drive off.
Becky yelled, “Hey Drew, what’s up?”
Drew put the car in park and looked over at Becky. He rolled down the window, “I’m kinda in a hurry! I’m late for orientation!” He mumbled to himself, “Mom is gonna kill me.”
Drew looked back at Becky and pointed to her doorstep. Becky looked down to find a flash drive and a note.
“That’s for you! I’m sorry that I didn’t give it to you sooner…it’s just…there was never a…right time…It probably isn’t the right time now either…”
Becky picked up the flash drive and note and looked back at Drew, “What is this?”
“Just read the note!” Drew checked his watch quick. “I really gotta go now! I’m sorry again…and good luck Becky Baker…with college and…everything!”
With that, Drew put the car in drive and sped off.
Becky looked at the flash drive and note in her hand and took a deep breath, “I guess it’s not a surprise that he learned the same thing too.”
Becky sat on the edge of her bed, the flash drive and note beside her. She really didn’t want to know what was on the flash drive, well she did, but she didn’t know what to expect. It could be anything.
No regrets, right?
Becky fished out her laptop from one of the bags in her room and turned it on. She sat back down on the bed and plugged in the flash drive. A window popped up and there was only one file in it.
“Songs for Becky? Huh?”
Becky put the laptop down on the bed, “How many times do I have to tell him, I don’t want to get back together.”
She laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Becky covered her eyes with her arm and sighed.
Becky’s phone went off and she jumped up, cutting her hand on the note beside her, missing her phone. Becky groaned and sucked on her cut while checking her phone.
“It’s 3! How could I pass out?!”
Becky rubbed her eyes and sighed, “And a text from Drew. Great.”
Did you read the note?
Becky thumbed away at a response, No Drew. I told you before, we’re not getting back together.
Suddenly her phone jingle went off, “That was fast.”
I know. It’s not that, just…read it.
Becky rolled her eyes and grabbed the note. She cautiously opened it:
Dear Becky,
I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I hope you read this. Please. I still haven’t gotten your response from the roses and I’m jumping the gun here, but I am really sorry. I trust you Becky. I do. It’s just that I’m terrified. I’m terrified that I’m not good enough for you and you’ll realize that. That you’d want a guy who could give you all that you need because I can’t. I’ve had to face so many hardships in my life, but nothing is as terrifying as losing you because I’m so in love with you. I love you Becky Baker. I need you. And if you still need me, please let’s work things out. I’ll work harder. I’ll do anything it takes. I’m in this for the long haul Becky and I hope you are too.
Love,
Adam
Becky’s face was stained with tears. That familiar heartache was back and it was tearing her apart.
Adam. He wrote this.
Becky brushed her fingers over the note.
This is his handwriting.
Becky covered her mouth with her hand and fell back onto the bed sobbing. She couldn’t control her thoughts. They were all over the place.
Becky grabbed her phone and wiped her eyes, When did you find this?
It was a long minute until she got a response, The night of the bonfire.
Becky let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, Why did you wait until now? You know I was looking for answers!
For a moment there was a fury in Becky, but she realized that then her and Drew weren’t on the best of terms and then the dating, Never mind. So what’s with the flash drive? Becky sat up and dragged her laptop towards her.
Her phone jingled, I didn’t know at the time I found it, but it goes with the note… I guess he was going to transfer it to a flash drive before I dragged him out of the house to go camping…
Becky put her phone down on her bed and stared at her laptop screen. She clicked the file and transferred the playlist to iTunes. Suddenly Adam’s voice came from her laptop.
Becky stared, mouth agape, “Hey Becky.”
Adam sighed and Becky bit her lip trying to stop the tears from coming.
Adam.
He continued, “I don’t even know if you’re going to read the note that prefaces this…but I made this playlist to further get my feelings across.”
Becky grabbed the laptop and hugged it close to her like her life depended on it.
“The short version is…I’m sorry Becky. I’m so so sorry. I know I messed up...I messed up bad. But I trust you and…I love you.”
Becky let the tears fall freely. There was no helping it. Not at this point.
I love you too.
There was a pause and Becky could faintly hear sobs in the background.
I’m sorry Adam.
“Sorry about that. Becky…Becky Baker I love you. I love you so much that…my heart is more than in my stomach.”
Becky laughed a bit and looked confused.
“Wait lemme rephrase that. Every time I see you, you move in slow motion and when I’m with you, time just…it just stops. And I get so sick to my stomach. It’s like my heart’s in my throat and I can’t breathe. You make me so nervous and terrified and…happy. And all those things are good things just so you know.”
Oh Adam.
Becky’s face was stained with tears again, as well as her laptop’s keyboard.
Adam laughed a bit and Becky smiled.
That laugh makes my heart race every time.
“So much for the short version, huh?”
Becky sighed and wiped at her eyes.
“Becky.”
Becky suddenly stopped and looked at the screen.
“Rebecca Baker I love you with all my heart and I always will. And hopefully by the time you get back you’d have already forgiven me. Well I hope. Oh and I hope you enjoy this playlist!”
The next track begins.
No Adam don’t go.
Becky put the laptop back down onto the bed and laid back down, staring at the ceiling and listening to her songs, their songs.
Don’t go.
"Cause all my life all I ever wanted was a love that lasted longer than the silence…"
Becky spent the next five days cooped up in her room without giving a care to packing anymore. She had something she needed to do before she left and she was determined to make it perfect.
Chills went up Becky’s arm as she leaned back against the cold stone. She fished her laptop out of her bag and set it on her lap. She looked at the gravestone.
Adam Torres.
Becky took a deep breath and tried to say something, but no words would come out.
She bit her lip.
“Hi Adam.”
She brushed her fingers across his name.
“I know I’ve talked to you about this before…but now that I’ve heard your response, I need to let you know…how I felt…how I feel.”
Becky opened up her laptop.
“Well I know you know, but it’s…it’s just different.”
She clicked the first song on her playlist and then suddenly paused it.
“Sorry. Forgot the preface to this.”
Becky closed her laptop.
“Adam, I…You were perfect. You are perfect.”
Becky tapped her fingers on the top of her laptop.
“I knew what being with you meant and I didn’t care. I didn’t need more.”
Becky looked up at the clear blue sky, closed her eyes and sighed.
“I didn’t care that we’d have to adopt. Those kids need good homes and we would’ve been great parents.”
The wind flowed through her hair and Becky relaxed.
“Whatever surgery you needed, I’d be there, right by your side. Anything you needed.”
Becky sat like that for a minute and then opened her eyes.
“I would’ve married you Adam.”
Becky straightened herself back up and looked at the gravestone.
“Adam Torres, I love you. I love everything that made you, you. You were the sweetest, kindest, bravest, cheesiest…”
Becky laughed a bit.
“And romantic boy I’ve ever known. You were…are my soul mate.”
Becky combed her fingers through her hair.
“You probably know about Drew and Jonah.”
Becky shook her head and sighed.
“I want you to know that if I never find someone…I’m still going to adopt kids, our kids.”
Becky opened her laptop and cleared her throat.
“And with that, I made you a playlist to further get my feelings across.”
Becky grinned.
“And by the way, your description of love is so cheesy and cliché…but I guess mine is too.”
Becky looked back up at the sky and shook her head.
“Our first kiss…”
Becky smiled and looked down at her dress. The very same dress she wore that day.
“There were sparks. So many of them, I was drowning…drowning in happiness and…I couldn’t breathe either!”
Becky laughed a bit and smiled.
“My heart was going to jump out of my chest!”
Becky took a shaky breath and clicked the first song.
“Adam Torres, I will always love you.”
"My heart is yours, it’s you that I hold on to. That’s what I do. And I know I was wrong, but I won’t let you down. I cry “oh” and I saw sparks, yeah I saw sparks…"
"Who are we to say we never had it good. We had every good thing like love. They say that you forgot your heart where you would never go, never go…"
Years Later....
“And that’s the last song on my recent show.”
The orang-ish gold rays of the setting sun reflected against the woman’s cross pendant as she sat up. She took a hair tie from her wrist and scooped up her long brown hair to tie it.
“My show’s doing really well Mom. I know you weren’t a super fan of Dad’s music, but indie pop is really picking up these days.”
The woman smiled and closed her laptop.
“Dad would be thrilled…well you probably are since I’m playing my shows for you. Right Dad?”
The wind blew a couple of leaves onto her jeans and into her bag. She looked at the setting sun.
“Yeah I thought so.”
The woman fished out the leaves from her bag and slid the laptop in.
“Well then, until next time.”
She stood up from where she was sitting and brushed off her clothes.
“And I know it’s not the same, but I promise David and Michael will come soon.”
The woman slung the bag over her shoulder and faced the gravestone. She shoved her hands in her pockets.
“David is still super busy at the hospital…like every day.”
She rolled her eyes and then grinned.
“And Michael, he actually got a deal to publish one of his comic ideas!”
The woman bent over to put her hand on the gravestone.
“I know you guys would be proud of us.”
Suddenly her phone jingled and she jumped in place. She pulled out her phone and sighed.
“Well it’s time to go to work.”
As she walked away she glanced back at the gravestone and grinned.
“Yeah DJ Shakin’ Bakes reporting for duty.”