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“You really overdid it this time.” There was admonition in his words, but Mokuba spoke them softly, probably knowing all too well they would fall on deaf ears, no matter how stern he was. His voice sounded strangely sober considering his precious big brother had fainted without warning and was now lying on his bed in his own cold sweat. Although it had really only been a matter of time, and probably everyone but Seto had seen this breakdown coming. Still, if Isono had not been there, ever the overzealously loyal assistant, Seto would still be lying on the floor in this godforsaken mansion without anyone there to notice. It was like Mokuba to feel guilty for things like these, no matter how many times Seto had expressed that he was bothered by unannounced visits and too busy to have any family meetings planned.
Seto mumbled something that might have been an apology, but Noah certainly knew better.
“You will stay in bed, while Isono packs your things for hospital”, Mokuba told him. As Seto was too weak to protest vehemently at the very notion of going to the hospital, he continued, “And Noah will call an ambulance.” His tone and the look he gave him left no room for discussion, and so Noah went out of the room to make the call.
When Noah came back, he saw Mokuba still sitting at the bedside, one hand on Seto’s stomach, as if to make sure he would stay. Seto’s head had rolled to the side, his eyes closed. Apparently he had fallen unconscious again from exhaustion. At last, his worsening condition had made it impossible for him to argue with reason.
“Asleep?”, Noah asked as he stepped next to his boyfriend, tentatively putting a hand on his shoulder. His brother’s self-destructive behaviour was still harsh on him, despite Mokuba’s determination to not get too caught up in Seto’s impossible way of living as long as the older Kaiba decidedly rejected his help.
Mokuba nodded, yet he didn’t look up from his brother’s sleeping face. It was a strange sight – Seto seemed almost relaxed, peaceful even, if it hadn’t been for the dark circles under his eyes and his sunken cheeks.
“Someone has to let them in”, Noah reminded him. The security of the Kaiba mansion was and had always been ridiculous. No one could simply drive through the gates without authorization. At least in terms of paranoia, Seto did resemble his father.
That made Mokuba finally pull himself away from his brother’s side, but he hardly even looked at Noah as he got up. “I’ll go. Please keep an eye on him for me”, he added, and his eyes met Noah’s for a moment, waiting for Noah’s reaffirming nod before he hurried out of the bedroom.
With a sigh, Noah took the now empty chair at the bedside. “Seto, Seto, Seto…”, he sighed chidingly, shaking his head as he looked at the tired, gaunt features of his adopted brother. “Have we forgotten again that coffee and pills are not a healthy nutritious breakfast?”
Mimicking Mokuba’s gesture, he put his hand on Seto’s torso. Even through the fabric of his black turtleneck he loved wearing so much, Noah could distinctly feel his ribs.
“You could at least do us all the favor and finally pull through with it.” Noah clucked his tongue.
“Actually, don’t do that”, he added as an afterthought when he brushed over the bones arching beneath his fingers. Did Seto eat at all, he wondered idly, or was he by now convinced that human needs such as sleep and nourishment were nuisances a perfect machine like him did not have to bother with? It would be very much like Seto to think that food was for the weak and he could run on willpower only. “Mokuba would never stop blaming himself. And I really don’t want to let you have the satisfaction of ruining our relationship, post-mortem.”
Seto did not answer, he did not even move. Pale as death, Noah thought, but he could feel the taught skin over his stomach moving ever so slightly, an indicator that he was indeed still breathing. It was oddly unexpected, like a contradiction. Noah carefully pressed his hand on the soft skin right below the ribs to catch it, to feel the faint rise and fall with each weak push of Setos lungs. It was so fleeting, unfit for a cold, unmoving face and especially for a wannabe human automaton.
He could not shake the thought that he would feel more at ease now if Seto just stopped breathing. Noah’s entire self-worth might not be hanging on inheriting all of Kaiba Corp anymore, at least not since he had been disillusioned about his father and had Mokuba to help him come to terms with it - but still. Old habits die hard, and he could not help thinking that this company eating him alive was exactly what Seto deserved.
“I know you’d love to have me gone, too”, Noah said, softly. He knew Seto did not only dislike him and distrust him, but that did hardly bother Noah. He enjoyed that his mere presence did rub Seto the wrong way. “But I’m here to stay.”
He would stay a part of their weird little family, he was very much determined to. Partly because he would not have Seto have his way with what was Noah’s birthright, at least not without annoying him about it. Partly because if Seto eventually decided to rid everyone else of his straining existence, Mokuba would be the one to inherit Kaiba Corp. And Noah knew Mokuba would share, not only because they were together, but because Mokuba did feel that Noah had equal rights to the firm as Seto.
Sometimes Noah wondered how he had managed to preserve so much basic decency, growing up a Kaiba. It did not exactly fit the family name.
But here was the actual problem. Mokuba was a nice, considerate person like that. He trusted Noah. Even with babysitting his precious, awful big brother. This was what made it impossible for Noah to not be fond of him. It also made it hard to wish for something that would devastate Mokuba completely.
While his breathing was slow and soft, the pulse under Noah’s fingers was oddly strong. It was a steady throbbing, stubborn and obstinate, unaware that Seto was fighting a lost fight against his own health and sanity.
But Noah knew, and it bugged him how well he knew, that this was not all there was to it. That Seto felt betrayed by Mokuba leaving him, even though Mokuba never actually had left. That he was envious of them, maybe, that he was alone and bitter and had only the work and games to cling to, because what else was there than working hard to stay on top, always?
The worst part was that Noah knew all too well what it was like to be left behind in utter loneliness. Only that his loneliness hadn’t been self-made, he reminded himself to quench any stirring feelings of sympathy.
He found himself feeling for the pulse, the slight movement of Seto’s breath, absent-mindedly monitoring their rhythm. “You need to get a grip on yourself”, he heard himself say, chiding Seto in earnest this time. “Or do you want to hand it all to me on a silver platter?”
Seto did not answer, of course, but Noah vaguely considered rubbing it under his nose again when he was recovering. If Mokuba was present, maybe, so he would see that Noah made an effort.
The loud steps on the stairs almost startled him, as if he was interrupted by something private, and without thinking, he pulled his hand away from Seto’s stomach where he had been checking Seto’s signs of life. Isono and Mokuba rushed in, accompanied by two paramedics. Noah quickly stepped aside to let them do their job.
As he stood by Mokuba’s side, the younger Kaiba sighed and awkwardly fiddled with his jacket that he had already folded in his arms, and Noah knew what was coming.
“I’m going with him”, he declared, with this worried frown that would not leave his face whenever Seto was concerned. Mokuba was too soft for his own good, but Noah could not find it in him to berate him for it, especially not since Mokuba’s soft spot also included Noah himself.
“Thought so.” Noah shrugged. “I’ll go with you”, he said as casually as possible, “To make sure Seto has something to be mad at when he wakes up. It’ll be good for him, trust me.”
Mokuba smiled at that, and while Noah felt very satisfied with himself for managing to cheer him up, the look Mokuba gave him was a bit too knowing for his taste.