Chapter Text
Jungkook doesn’t know how long he waits at the door. Each second, each minute he takes he knows will only add to his punishment but…actually stepping foot into the apartment seems like an incredibly impossible task. Knowing enough is enough, Jungkook takes a breath and readies himself for whatever inevitable is about to happen.
“You’re late.” Kang says from inside the moment Jungkook closes the door behind himself.
He winces at the others tone and takes off his shoes. His hopes of not getting in trouble tonight were obviously too high.
“Get over here Jungkook.” Yeah he’s in insane trouble.
Walking into the warm living room reveals Kang on the couch with a book. His expression is stoic but Jungkook knows what lies beneath.
“I’m sorry,” the younger bows, “I lost track of time in the studio and my phone died.” He says truthfully. He got lost in his painting and though it’s only an hour and a half past when he usually comes home Jungkook knows he messed up.
Kang looks him up and down, then slowly rises from the couch, dropping his book and towering over Jungkook.
“You honestly want me to believe that?” He steps closer to Jungkook, now fuming. “You could’ve been anywhere and you shut your phone off. How do I know you weren’t off with someone huh?”
“I promise Kang I wasn't-“
“I almost went out to look for you. How many times have I told you to not be late. To let me know where you are and to keep a freaking charger with you!” He yanks the bag from Jungkook’s shoulder and chucks it across the room hitting the wall loudly. “You know how much I worry! Do you like worrying me?”
“No Kang I don’t-“ Jungkook’s shoulders move on their own, hunching in to make himself smaller.
“Who were you with huh?” Kang’s too close and too loud.
“No one I promise.” Jungkook’s nails dig into his palms, begging his mind to stay clear and present.
Kang slaps Jungkook. Hard. The contact releases something in Jungkook. “Why are you lying to me?” Kang huffs out and takes a few steps away from the younger before coming back rearing for more.
“I’m-m s-sorry!” Jungkook cowers, covering his ears and his cheeks heat up immediately at the stutter.
Kangs face softens and his whole demeanor changes, his hand lowers. “Jungkook?”
Jungkook can only shake in place waiting for the second hit to blow. “S-s-sorry” he winces at his inability to say the word properly.
Kang takes a breath. “Oh sweetheart, are you slipping? Are words hard for you right now?”
Jungkooks stutter only comes out in high stressed situations, in front of a lot of people, and of course when going into his little headspace. It seems more and more that Kang does what he can to provoke it.
Jungkook wants to scream back at him, proving that he’s sound of mind and not slipping into what Kang is implying. He wants to make the other believe him and trust in him for once. He wants to shove down the fuzzy thoughts and feelings that threaten to encompass him and take over. He wants to stand his ground…but the punishments of doing so will be much worse. Either Kang will believe him that’s he’s big and Jungkook will be in for a terrible night or his boyfriend will push him until he accepts the slip.
All he ends up doing is nodding.
“Is my Kookie feeling a little small right now?” He steps closer, inspecting the younger.
“N-no, not small.” Shit Jungkook’s voice even sounds smaller to his ears.
“No?” Kang brings up a hand to brush away Jungkook’s hair. The younger is just grateful he can hold back his flinch. “So you’re not feeling little? Or like you wanna cuddle with bun?” Kang gently brings the youngers hands away from his ears.
He does really want cuddles from bun. The fingers through his hair feels amazing and Jungkook can’t stop from leaning into the touch. All these emotions feel like too much right now and he’s exhausted from his day. He doesn’t want Kang to be mad. He hates it when Kang is mad.
Jungkook hums back, almost forgetting what Kang even said.
“I thought so, you’re just my sweet baby now aren’t you?” He pulls the younger into a hug and while the bigger part of Jungkook wants to shove him away the Kookie part welcomes the closeness and comfort. His cheek still stings but it’s more of a distant throb. He rubs his face into the others chest. “Let Kang take care of you baby and we can talk more later when you’re big again ok? Kang’s not mad at Kookie.”
Kookie. What used to be Jungkook’s favorite nickname from the man has turned into his official name when acting small.
After three years of being together Kang had introduced the idea of age regression into their relationship. He had said that it was obvious now after knowing each other for so long that that’s what Jungkook needed. And Kang wanted to be his caretaker.
If Kang was so desperate to show that kind of love to Jungkook how could he refuse? He needed a break from the constant punishments he was falling into.
At the beginning trying the whole age thing was…strange and Jungkook wasn’t sure of what to do. He quickly found that when acting like a child his boyfriend thought the world of him, something that was there at the beginning of their relationship but has been lost in the anger and jealousy.
What used to be just an act Jungkook would put on to please his boyfriend has become something much more real. He’s found himself actually enjoying the stuffed animals and colorful movies, he can’t wait for nap time and snacks….but most of all he thrives under the love and praise Kang gives him. What use to be an act is now something real that takes over his mind and body, reverting him wholly to thinking like a child. A hazy blanket lays over him, leaving him fuzzy and small and sometimes….even blanking out completely throughout the whole thing without remembering just how much of a child he acted like.
It’s something he’s losing control over and each time he lets himself slip feels like another thread of himself being loosened.
What scares Jungkook is the thought that Kang loves Kookie more. Almost like Kang hopes at some point Jungkook will slip and never come back to himself. What scares him is losing himself so completely and having no control over it.
What scares him is the thought of never actually coming back from it.
Kang pulls back from the embrace to kiss the younger on the nose and all Jungkook is grateful for Kang’s gentleness.
“What sounds nice to Kookie? Huh baby? Does he want to snuggle with a movie? Kang can get you your favorite hot chocolate. You’d like that huh?” Just by his boyfriends words Jungkook can feel the fuzziness take over even more. His shaking calms down along with his fight or flight diminishing.
He nods again. Kang brings the both of them to their bedroom and has Jungkook sit on the bed while he gets his pajamas for him.
The comforter underneath Jungkook’s fingertips is soft and he looks down at it while running his hands back and forth. It feels nice. Everything’s a little numb when his mind starts to go like this and he allows it to cocoon him.
“Thats our really soft blanket huh Kookie?”
Jungkook looks up to see Kang smiling down at him, amused. Kang has such a nice and beautiful smile, Kook-Jungkook really loves it. He nods back giving Kang a small smile in return.
“There’s my beautiful boy’s smile.” Kang rubs Kookies head.
Kang starts to help him out of his day clothes and Kookie can’t help the yawn that overcomes him.
“You are just so precious, my little prince.” Kang says lowly. “You must be pretty sleepy.” Kookie nods along, he feels ready to give into sleep he feels so drowsy.
“I have someone here for you.” Kang says, pulling out bunny from behind his back almost like magic.
“Bun!” Jungkook’s hands are already reaching for his soft companion before he realizes it. He hugs the stuffed animal tightly.
Once they’re both in pajamas Kookie cuddles up with bunny, clutching tightly to the stuffed animal and rubbing his face in the fur every now and then. Kang puts on a Disney movie and makes hot chocolate and holds Kookie tight as they watch the Princess and the Frog. Kookie wonders why he tried fighting this feeling or why he was scared of Kang in the first place.
~~~
Jungkook wakes up warm and comfy and with Kangs arms securely wrapped around him. It’s confusing to see it’s already morning. He remembers getting home from the bus and Kang was upset but then…after that is a little hard to piece together. He tried apologizing and then…his body doesn’t ache so Kang didn’t punish him. It leaves regressing as the most likely thing to have happened.
He wracks his brain and then…the movie, cuddling, pajamas…
The moments he can remember leave a cold chill running through him and a layer of shame on top of his skin.
“Are you awake baby?”
Jungkook hums against Kangs chest, knowing there’s no fooling him right now.
“And who do I have with me this morning? Do I have my sweet Kookie?” He runs a hand up and down Jungkook’s back.
“It’s me.” Jungkook says quietly.
“Oh I have my big boy then?” Kang sounds equally as sweet. Jungkook expects the other to sound disappointed but he sounds actually happy.
“I don’t…really remember what happened last night.” Jungkook finally looks Kang in the eyes.
“You mean after you slipped?” Kangs words are soft and gaze sweet. Jungkook wonders when it’ll drop.
“And a little before too.” Jungkook mumbles, testing to see if there’s any way he can get out of the argument of last night. If he can avoid yelling, throwing things, or punishment Jungkook will do almost anything.
“Ahh you must’ve been slipping even before you got home.” He wasn’t. “Do you know how dangerous that is baby? That’s why I need to be with you when that happens.” Kang drags a finger at Jungkooks jawline.
“I didn’t realize.” Jungkook does his best to sound confused, knowing the real cause of his slip.
“We were going to talk more about this today but I can’t punish you for slipping, that’s not something you can control baby.” Kang traces the moles on Jungkook’s skin. Jungkook releases a breath of relief. “I do need you to promise me something though, promise me that you won’t be late again or I’m going to have to do some things I don’t want to. You know I don’t like seeing you in pain but you have to learn.” Jungkook nods. “I’m just concerned for you baby, I’m protecting you. Anything can happen to you out there. You need your rest baby, and you need to be home safe.”
Jungkook lets the words sink in. Jungkook’s an art major and studio time is crucial. Before this, friends were a strict no no but through the extra hours spent at the school, he’s been able to make a couple of friends. His short time there has become his favorite and he doesn’t want to give it up.
“If it comes to be too much then no more studio okay? And you can do the rest of your homework here with me.” Kang says and kisses Jungkook’s cheek. “I’m just looking out for you.” He smiles that smile that made Jungkook fall in love with him in the first place and an ugly emotion twists inside of Jungkook.
“Now promise me Jungkook. Promise you won’t be late again.”
“I promise.”
~~~
Jungkook shakes his head to rid it of the peppered rain drops clinging to his wavy brown locks. The bus surges forward and he closes his eyes, embracing the quiet 15 minutes until he gets to campus. Kang left before him this morning, leaving for work after drilling it into Jungkook again to not be late and to call if he feels he’s going to slip at any time.
His boyfriend had been wearing his best suit for the work meeting this morning and Jungkook pulled at his own hoodie feeling incredibly small next to the man. Kang works at a food company doing marketing and he’s really close to the CEO, hence the meeting today. Jungkook is grateful that the two of them can live so comfortably because of it but guilt easily eats away at him.
Why does Kang stay with him? Why does Kang want him at all? Jungkook is only a college student with no job, no income. He’s just…a nobody.
He used to work at a coffee shop…that is until Kang convinced him to quit saying that Jungkook should focus on his art and taking care of himself. At the time it was a sweet suggestion but now…Jungkook misses it. Misses the work and friends he had there.
Maybe it was another way for Kang to get more control over him. Jungkook shakes his head to rid himself of that thought.
Maybe Jungkook will skip the studio today and get home early, that should make Kang a bit happier.
He feels the bus take the next stop and people getting on. He's sitting far enough in the back and the bus isn't nearly close to being full so he thinks his solitude will continue until he reaches the university. He's wrong.
“Jungkook?” It’s a familiar voice.
Jungkook opens his eyes to see one of his classmates towering above him. They’ve known each other just from the start of last semester and the man in front of him has become a comforting presence while taking time in the studio. He’s become a role model that Jungkook looks up to with everything he has.
Namjoon is older and just about cooler in every way possible and Jungkook is stunned that he would ever talk to him let alone be his friend.
“Good morning Namjoon-sii,” Jungkook bows as much as he can while seated. “I didn’t know that you took this line…” He can’t help but look side to side nervously, as if afraid Kang could jump out and strangle them both just from talking to each other.
“Yeah, my car broke down so it looks like I’ll be seeing you in the mornings too until it's fixed.” Namjoon says with an easy smile. “Mind if I…” He motions to the empty seat and Jungkook almost smacks himself, both for being blatantly oblivious and for allowing himself to be thrown into this position.
“Right, of course Namjoon-sii.” Jungkook fumbles with his bag and scoots to the seat by the window, making space for the other. Maybe he’ll just have to take the bus earlier from now on.
“I told you kid, call me hyung.” Namjoon elbows the younger lightly in a playing matter…or at least that what Jungkook hopes it is. “So you live in the area?” Namjoons eyes seem to look right into Jungkooks soul, full attention given.
“Sorry hyung and yeah just a couple of stops before yours.” Jungkook murmurs, hoping this won’t become an issue.
“Well that’s one good thing about my car breaking down then otherwise I wouldn’t have known!” Namjoon chuckles. “Also I wanted to get your opinion on something Kook.” Namjoon digs into his backpack leaving the other slightly nervous.
“Sure.” Jungkook looks up at the next stop. Dang it, there’s still five more to go.
Namjoon pulls out a sketchbook and flips through page after page to get to the one he’s searching for. He holds out the book to the younger, showing him the drawing inside.
Even though it’s just a rough draft it completely takes Jungkooks breath away. The page is inch to inch covered with beautiful colors of paint. It’s a man, surrounded by wolves and autumn leaves. The details are incredible…honestly something that should be in a museum.
“Namjoon…this is amazing.” Jungkook says, wishing there were better words to express.
Namjoon smiles and scratches the back of his head with a chuckle. “Aw thanks kid. I was thinking about doing this for our final painting in class, you know the identity project.”
Jungkooks fingers lightly trace over some of the fine lines on the page.
“And what does it mean?” Jungkook almost smacks himself for being so nosy. “I mean you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to hyung, I’m sorry if that was rude.” He quickly covers up.
“Hey don’t worry about it, that wasn’t rude Kook. I grew up with four brothers, hence the four wolves, and I felt like being part of their “pack” was my identity. But now living away from home and family…I’ve found they only make up a part of me. My identity is purely my own, outside of my family.” Namjoon says, as always having such a way with words.
“And the leaves?”
“Autumn is when the world changes colors, and I myself have changed…I feel like I’m a completely different color and season than I was even just a year ago.” Namjoon then chuckles. “Or in simple terms you can just say I’m “leafing” the old me behind.”
Jungkook can’t help but chuckle at the terrible English pun. “That’s incredible hyung, and really perfect.”
Namjoon puts his notebook away. “I guess what I wanted to ask is, well I feel like there’s something off about the painting but I can’t quite put my finger on it. You’ve got one of the greatest artist eyes ever and, well what do you think?”
Jungkook knows his ears are furiously red at the compliment. He clears his throat, looking up at their stop coming closer and closer. “I uh, I’ll think about it hyung, I don’t see anything that could be better than it already is.”
“Thanks Jungkook, and please get back to me if you can think of anything at all.” Namjoon says with a bright smile.
The bus stops and the two of them get up and wait for their opening to get off onto the sidewalk.
Jungkook is just about ready to say bye and part ways but Namjoon turns to him. “Where are you heading Kook?”
The younger hesitates. “Uh, just the studio to work on a few things.” He pulls his bag closer to himself.
“Me too, I’ll walk with you.” Namjoon begins on his way and Jungkook jumps to keep up. Dang it, he should’ve said he was going to another class or the library or something. “So what are you doing for the final?”
The topic being identity leaves Jungkook as blank as an empty canvas.
Thinking about his identity…well, only things about Kang come up, only the pieces of himself that the man molded.
Jungkook makes a face at the question. “Uh…”
Namjoon chuckles, but in a way that’s comforting and not teasing. “Not sure yet? That’s okay kid, we still have another week until the first proposal so you’ve got plenty of time. Also with your skills I wouldn’t worry at all.”
Jungkook covers his ears at this time at the compliment. “Thank you hyung, and I don’t know.”
“For real kid, you could finger paint with your eyes closed and it would still come out as a masterpiece.” Namjoon pauses before continuing, scratching a hand at the back of his head. “And your identity is truly something special.”
Jungkook smiles shyly at the words even though he disagrees completely. Being with Namjoon is like a breath of fresh air. The ease the man walks with and how he doesn’t care about Jungkooks restraint in well…everything. Namjoon is like the sun rising on a new day, bright and warm and welcoming. Jungkook soaks it up while he can, knowing he can’t hold onto it forever.