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Men want what they can see, as William said. It is not normal for a brother to feel jealous of his brother's friends to the point of wanting to stab. But now William is with Albert, sweet and trustworthy Albert. And Louis will not be an obstacle in the love of his brothers. He will not be a burden.
Louis vomits the white lily. He is getting worse. He remembers the book clubs he went to to learn Russian. He remembers Sonja mentioning the legend of the
Hanahaki disease. Sonja's eloquent voice and her storytelling skills made the legend of unrequited love sound worse, like a hint of grapefruit on bread.
Tomorrow he would speak with Albert so that he would resume M's position. The funeral arrangements had already been made, he did not want to be a burden after he died.
Albert knows that he should be happy. He has William by his side, as he always wanted the dark and selfish heart of him. But he can't stop thinking about other eyes, another face, scars on a cheek to cradle, scars on his chest to kiss. Because thanks to those last ones it is partly that Louis is alive. Louis has always been strong. He will survive this. Albert leaves the warm bed and vomits daffodils, looking at him in all their furious beauty.
They must add the sin of gluttony, of wanting more than is necessary when he enters Hell.
"You've lost weight, brother," Louis points out.
"Believe me, between you and Will taking me out to eat...Oh, my God..."
Louis passes out.
The doctor tells him the news. Albert asks to see his brother.
Louis is leaning against the head of the bed.
"Do you remember when after my operation you would sneak out of your room and read me Arabian Nights?" Louis asked.
"Yes" Albert said, sitting next to him, like that time. Except they weren't kids.
"When I leave I want you to take care of yourself and to take care of William, because I'm not going to tell him and you'll have to promise me that you won't tell him either"
"Louis"
"It might be hard, but promise you'll eat three meals a day and not just..."
"I love you"
Louis looked up and met his brother's eyes. Louis took his hands, hands that were icy cold, and stroked his knuckles.
"I love you too, brother"
"I don't love you like a brother. I love you like I love William" Albert confessed.
Everything went to Hell. Louis had read in William's diary that Albert seemed to think of someone else while they were together. The realization hit him hard. He was that other.
"Please go" asked Louis.
And suddenly he felt disgusted. How much of the hugs and chaste kisses on Albert's cheeks did they hide something else?