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Katsuki Bakugou was not okay.
And yet he pretends each day as though he is. He does not smile, but he does not cry either. Because no one has to know how not okay he is. That was until Kirishima went blubbering his mouth away as usual, but what wasn’t usual was that he responded. He could not blame it on his drunken mind that didn’t exist. Or the peer pressure that hadn’t been issued. He could only contribute it to the way his heart yearned to tell someone. To apologize. Because he hadn’t gotten the chance to apologize to the one person who needed to hear it. So the best he can do is apologize to the world for ripping the sweetest and kindest soul away and into the depths of the forgotten.
He could never truly repay. Never truly experienced the consequences he deserved. He did not get to cry. He did not deserve to wallow in his sorrow and misery. And yet his heart kept beating with guilt and sorrow. It ached and ached each night as he closed his eyes. The darkness consumed him wholly and he didn’t know what to do.
So of course when Kirishima asked the harmless question of why he wasn’t drinking he spilled his guts out without permission.
“My friend, Izuku, his dad was a big drinker so he hated all that stuff. Parties too” As he finishes talking he immediately regrets it. He had called him “friend” and not only that, he had used his given name. What right did he have to call him that?
Kirishima’s baffled face didn’t help any as he tried to swallow down the lump that formed in his throat.
Kirishima cleared his throat “Oh! And where is Izuku tonight?”
Without thinking or reconsidering what he was going to say he spit out,
“He killed himself last may.. Kinda wish he left a note, you know what I mean.”
His attempt to joke was not received well. He wrung his hands together to stop the shaking, looking down so he didn’t have to face the look he knew Kirishima was wearing. It was the same look everyone who found out wore. It consisted of many emotions, shocked, sad, contradiction, but the emotion that always shone through the brightest was always pity.
The anger that always simmered up when such a face was worn had dissipated throughout the years. It had now been three since that fateful day. They would’ve been in their third year together. It would’ve been right. He would have been friends with everyone in the class. He would’ve found a way to be a hero. He would have been happy. And maybe one day he could’ve been happy with Katsuki as well. But the universe doesn’t know right from wrong. Because if it did, Izuku would be the one standing here, smiling freely just like he should have been. And only then, would the world be right.