Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ok, how do I start this? Well, start with my name I guess. Hi, my name is Melvin Becker the human ‘human’. Why did I emphasize that? Well, it’s because I am no longer on fucking earth! But in fact, in a world previously thought to only exist inside a children's video game. The world of fucking Pokémon. But since whoever might be reading this is a Pokémon themselves then this first paragraph might be pointless for you to read.

But I’m going to make ya read it anyway because I’m an ass. 

So let’s get started.

Some of you might wonder. “How did you got here?” and well, that is the one-million-euro question, isn’t it? And yes, I just had to emphasize the fact that I am NOT from America. I had my fair share of deep dives into fanfiction rabbit holes and 90 to 80 percent of the time those authors were Americans. You know, the ones that constantly keep measuring their distances in miles and feet which always leaves the rest the rest of us scratching our heads to figure out what the fuck a feet it?

You might as well just talk to me in Chinese and it would have the same effect.

Anyway, rant over let's just get back to the question.

First off, I have no idea. The only thing I remember is going to bed one night, and falling asleep into a dreamless slumber before suddenly waking up in the middle of a town filled with real-life cartoon monsters. And I am not sorry if you feel offended for calling you a monster. This is my Diary and you are intruding into my privacy before I can even finish and personally publish this damn thing.

So piss off.

Either way, back on point. I woke up (still in my Pajamas) in the middle of “Serene Valley" (the name of the town) with a bunch of Pokémon’s gawking at me. At first, I thought the obvious, that this is just a dream and that I would wake up inside my bed ready to go to work the next day. But oh BOY was I wrong.

But I’ll get to the mental breakdown part later.

For now, I just want to skip ahead a bit and say that I was eventually found by the local guild. Specifically by the guild master herself who quickly took me in after the entire situation was explained to her.

I still remember that I felt incredibly confused at first when she just offered me to stay at the guild for the time being. I was hesitant at first until she explained to me the reason why.

You see, Humans in this world are nothing but a myth. A cryptic if you will. Treated similarly to like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster back in my world. With the only difference being that I am REAL and the only human being for miles in a world filled with magical super powered animals. Which may have its own share of crazies looking for me.   

In other words, I would have been FUCKED if I didn’t accept her offer to live at the guild.  

Which finally leads us to my inevitable realization that this was not a dream. All thanks to a blue blob who just had to start waxing the floors that day and forgot to put up a wet floor sign at the entrance for unsuspecting victims like me.

I of course fell on my face. Probably broke my nose too now that I think about it. But more importantly, it finally gave me the realization that this wasn’t a dream after all. That this is real and that I somehow woke up inside a children’s cartoon where critters can spit fire or move things with their goddamn minds.

I remember just sitting there. Completely flabbergasted out of my mind while I was dripping blood all over the floor.

The Janitor wasn’t happy with that at all, I can remember that much.

Either way, one trip to the medical room and one round of existential crisis later I felt ready to scream, but all I managed to get out of me at that time was a long angry groan through the palm of my hands, and almost screamed anyway because I accidentally touched my nose.

I think I actually broke it.

And that is how I ended up here. No screaming, crying, or sucking on my thumb in a fetal position. Trust me I wanted to. But a strong sense of dignity prevented me from doing any of those. Plus my hands at that time already reeked heavily of that awful-smelling wax that the Janitor was using. I didn’t want to end up sucking on something which would have probably made me sick, or worse.

So my options back then were pretty limited.

So, yeah this is my origin story.

But how I ended up working as a receptionist while also acting as the Guildmasters's “unofficial” personal assistant of the…well, guild, is another story entirely.

I might be ready to just tell you all about now, but really…what...never mind. I guess I have to because a certain SOMEONE keeps insisting I should.

And yes, I am writing this one down as well. I don’t care if this is wasting some of the ink.

So here we go. 

Let’s just start with some facts. I am scrawny, physically weak, and have ZERO combat or survival skills. So once again, I am fucked. Stuck in a world where every living being is capable of either melting my face off or zapping the very soul out of me.

In other words. Useless, which didn’t left me with a lot of options. She did made the offer to just house me at the guild for free, but that idea just didn’t sit right with me at the time, because I didn’t want to end up like my lazy good-for-nothing cousin back home who just sits at our house all day and does nothing besides caring for the front and backyards.

So that was automatically a no-go. I obviously needed a job, not just only to earn my keep and feel somewhat useful, but also to keep myself occupied so that I don’t completely lose my mind in this place.

My first idea was to simply find a job in town until it became clear that this would have exposed me to a lot of crazies and potential threats that might be out there. So that was shut down almost immediately by the Guildmaster. Which only left me with two remaining options.

Working in the open position of Registry, or join a team.

Guess which one I immediately picked.

I joined a Team of cou…OF COURSE, I PICKED THE REGISTRY. HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM!?

I’ll be just a deadweight for anyone dumb enough to even accept me into their team. Plus, I am not interested in committing suicide just yet. So, the choice was crystal clear.

Work the registry counter in front of the entrance and don’t get yourself killed.

Easy, especially since the last job I had was pretty similar. Working behind the desk of a deadbeat Motel. Where people just came in to rent a room for a day or to have a quick fuck.

Not the most glamorous of careers I know, but at least it paid the bills, and I hope that this one is going to do the same while also helping me to stay ALIVE.

I mean it has so far. Even despite the world trying to end itself on an almost monthly basis at this point. Like that one time where TIME almost stopped or that other incident where a Meteor nearly crash landed onto the planet. Not to mention all of the weird stuff that keeps happening around here. Or rather me specifically. Like a lunatic just busting through the door and demanding to the Guildmaster to release me because he was part of some human-worshiping cult or whatever.   

A lot of pretty weird stuff. I get a lot of characters like him these days. I'm not sure if I appeared at a really bad time or maybe it's because of me? That human-worshiping cult thing really threw me off though so I am not really sure.

Eh, that is future Melvin’s problem. For now, I just have to finish writing down this introduction thing before I get more distracted.

My job here is pretty sit around, organize and stamp papers. 

Its pretty chill, (minus the stuff I listed above) but I guess it can also get pretty boring at times to your average Pokemon when all you do all day is just sit around and watch the days go by.

I understand why nobody took this job besides me. It's just so monotonous. Just sitting here all day filing paperwork and doing absolutely nothing else, and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being boring is in my middle name and I can at least trust in my coworkers to keep all of the “unnecessary excitements” away from me.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. I should probably also introduce my coworker in this before I finally put a lid on this prologue and go to sleep.

Well, let’s just rapid-fire through this so that I can have a break.

Let's start with my Boss. Lydia the Guildmaster. A "Lopbunny" If I recall the name of her species correctly and easily the most furry bait-looking Pokémon I have ever seen. With the exact curves and body proportions to boot.

Her overall look reminds me a lot of the Playboy mascot. Which is really fitting because, again, she honestly looks the part. But don’t let her looks and (I guess for those who are into it) charm fool you. She is strong, like REALLY strong. I saw her supplexing an Onix once with her bare hands, and those things are huge.

In other words, don’t piss her off, or your head might end up in between her thighs, and not in a sexual way.

And no she is never going to date you or fuck you. So stop asking.

Next, we have Marry, the local nurse, and the same one who fixed my nose on my first day. She’s an Audino and well…she is your typical run-in mill nurse. All sweet and caring but also quite stern when she needs to be.

Overall very straightforward with very few quirks.

But someone who HAS quirks is Lenne. Actually, I might as well just combine her and her sister's entry into one, just to save myself a bit of time and a bit of ink. Plus it's getting late and I obviously have work tomorrow so I can’t exactly spend the whole night writing this.

So for starters, we now have both Lenne and Lilith. Two sisters respectively. One is an Espeon while the other is a Jolteon.

Easy.

So let's start with Lenne then, the Espeon. She is the guild's librarian who is really into Human lore and myths. Too much so in my opinion. Which might be the main reason why she always enjoys hanging out with me whenever she gets the chance to do so. Always bombarding me with a ton of questions while writing everything down on a notepad. It can get quite annoying at times but also downright unsettling whenever she starts asking the more “intimate” questions while her tail keeps swaying back and forth in a more “seductive” manner.

I think it's safe to say that it's not just an interest anymore but more of a fetish.

I’ll have to keep a close eye on her whenever she is around. Just to make sure she doesn’t try anything “illegal”.

I mean she hasn’t used her telekinesis on me yet so that’s a bonus.

Overall she is…friendly, I guess. A bit of a bookworm and certainly weird.

Not as weird as her sister though.

Lilith for starters is easily the second strongest Pokémon in the entire Guild. Only second to the Guildmaster of course.

She is in charge of security and keeps an eye on the Guild's treasuries and underground Vaults. She is hardy, speedy, steadfast, a bit crude at time, but more importantly quite reliable when it comes to kicking out unwanted troublemakers and whenever I scream (very manly) for help. Plus she is also has a very good at sniffing out someone’s bullshit and just sniffing in general

Basically, a yellow guard dog that can shoot lightning out of her tuft.

On to the next one.

Ah yes, Hector. Oh, the enigma that is Hector. Well he isn’t exactly an enigma but just a really quiet dude who takes his job very, *very* seriously. He is the Guild's only Janitor you see who doesn’t tolerate Pokemon’s who don’t wipe their feet, paws, or whatever limbs the person has, first before entering the Guild proper. It's thanks to him that this guild has the reputation of being the cleanest Guild on the continent. Because no speck of dirty gets past him.

Just be aware to not spill any ketchup or your drinks on the floor. Because he can swing that mop of his like it’s no one's business.

Oh and he's a Wobbuffet. Almost forgot to mention that.

The next one on the list would be Hilda. An Indeedee. Basically a Goat on two legs who is also the Guilds Cook. I honestly don’t have a lot to say about her because we rarely see each other. She usually just stands and or hangs around behind the food counter whenever I just pass by to get my grub.

Maybe she is shy, or maybe she is just socially awkward and doesn’t like to talk with other people. Everything is possible with her. She seems ok I guess, sometimes even going out to maybe get some groceries or to restock the Guilds food supplies. Even at night strangely enough.

I wonder why, but at the same time, I don’t care. 

Another short one so let's move on to the last one who is also the oldest of the Guild. 

His name is Jirachi, and he is easily a million years old if his claims are to be believed. Which on its own is just crazy but there is more.

His the Guild's Astronomer and local historian. If Lenne doesn’t have a book about it then maybe Jirachi knows about it instead. I mean he's been around for a million years so that’s a given.

His memories must be like a time capsule by now with all the crap he collected up there.  He usually spends most of the day sleeping before waking up for the night to do some hardcore stargazing when everyone’s asleep. He has his own observatory on the very top of the guild. With a big-ass telescope to watch every twinkling dot in the sky.

He also sometimes floats around the halls of the Guild. Basically also acting as the guilds night watch when everyone is busy dreaming.

Overall quiet the cheery one and sometimes even a bit childish. But overall a good lad.

Annnnd that’s all I think. There are also of course all of the other teams and guild members that live and work here as well. But I really just wanted to list of the core staff that work here and honestly, there are just too many to list and I can’t even remember all of their names from the top of my head. 

Plus I really need to go to bed. Because I have work tomorrow. 

So yeah this is it. Melvin Becker. Local Receptionist of the Guild and the only human living in this crazy magical fairyland.

Melvin Becker signing off. Pretending that this is a blog. 

Have a good day, you bastards.

Chapter Text

Also, I have another story which features one of Melvin's cousins.

You can find it :here:

I slowly wake up with the ‘oh so pleasant sound’ of my alarm clock going off beside me.

“Ugh…for fuck sake.” I groan as I reach out to turn it off. It took me a few tries but I eventually managed to hit the “snooze tab” on my phone before finally opening my eyes.

I sit myself up. Yawning like an old Grizzly while stretching my arms and back.

I then picked up my phone to check the time.

"Seven AM in the morning. Thirty minutes before my shift starts." I think to myself before finally getting up and putting on my fuzzy morning slipper. Which are also my day to day shoes so I have no idea why I still call them my morning slippers.

I begin to stretch my back before smacking my lips to get the morning taste out of my mouth.

I begin to think. "Huh, let's see if Hilda remembered to not add too much sugar into my coffee this time like I told her. That thing tasted more like a cup of soda than actual coffee. Which was disgusting." I mused before grabbing my phone and placing it inside a pocket of my blue and white striped Pajamas. Making a note to do my bed later, if I can be bothered that is.

I’m just happy to have it. Cost me quite a bit of money to get it handmade just for me, and then transported over here to replace my shitty pile of hay with this beauty. Oh, the euphoria. To finally be able to sleep on an actual bed and not a pile of hay. Which I’ve been doing these past few weeks ever since I arrived here.

"I’m a human and not a freaking Pokémon dammit. My species has standards." And with that little rant out of the way as I enter my own private bathroom (thanks boss) to do my business. Taking around five minutes or so to perform my morning rituals before finally stepping outside to start my day.

My day as a simple receptionist here at the Serene Valley’s Guild. A gathering place for Rescue Teams and Explorers alike, and those who wish to form their own teams respectively.

Basically like Boy Scouts. Only with a lot more risks involved, and getting paid to do so.

Me on the other hand? I don’t really care about this stuff. I am just happy to have a job so that I don’t feel completely useless. I mean I am just a squishy little human surrounded by animals that can either set me on fire or cut me to pieces with some fucking leaves.

Honestly, what do you expect from me? Just leave me alone and let me sit at my desk in peace dammit.

“Morning.” I stop, as a young-looking Shinx greets me. Smiling up at me along with his Riolu Partner.

I just ignore them as I move on.

“Pff Rude.” I hear the Riolu comment out loud before finally rounding the corner.

Well, who can really blame them? These two are just fresh recruits from another town so they obviously don’t know any better. But honestly, everyone who knows me even just a little bit knows that I am NOT a morning person. Or really a person to talk with unless I sit behind my desk.

So I mostly just ignore pretty much everyone and everything whenever I drag my way over to my workstation. Which is conveniently located in the most populated area of the Guild.

That being the lobby, where all of the aforementioned teams hang out, relax, chat, socialize, and gawk at the “myth turned real” sitting behind a desk if they happened to be from outside the town.

A quite common reaction and one I have gotten used to quite quickly because it’s my job to talk with them either way. If they approach me first that is. Otherwise, I just ignore them.

Either way, time to start the day as I finally reach my workstation. Taking my seat on my oh-so-trusty Office chair while still wearing my Pajamas.

Because that’s all I have. Plus, I don’t really go outside that much, if EVER. So why would I order anything else when Jimmies are just so much more comfortable?

Plus no one really cares. Wearing clothes here is more of a suggestion than a requirement, and even if they do it’s usually just simple accessories like capes or scarves.

I like my Jimmies and Slippers. Why waste money on clothes I obviously don’t need? Unlike my morning brew.

 “Ah, there is my Coffee,” I state out loud before taking it by the handle and pressing it against my lips. But then I stopped before giving it a few cautious whiffs and a quick taste test. Just to make sure that it isn’t spiked with something like last time. Where Lenne somehow managed to sneak in a few drops of that “secret” potion recipe she found to test how long a human penis can get.

That stupid bitch. I would have slapped her for this if she wasn’t so damn adorkable. Plus she is psychic, which means she could easily toss me around like a ragdoll if she wanted to.

And speaking of the Devil.

“Morning Melvin.” I hear her voice greet me which makes me groan.

"It's too early for this."

I turn my head to face her. “Hey!” I casually replied.

“Morning!” She greets me back with a big smile while pushing her bangs to the side with a paw. Allowing her right eye to see more than it usually can. Which she does often.

Seriously, why doesn’t she just cut it off if it bothers her this much? I mean it kinda looks cute on her but still. Just go to a barber if it annoys you?

Whatever. Each to their own I guess.

I just sigh. “Morning Lenne.” I greeted her once with a frown.

She smiles “See, is that so hard?” She asks while her tail starts to sway

I quickly learned that it always does that automatically whenever she is feeling particularly happy about something. Like right now whenever she gets the chance to talk with me.

Honestly wouldn’t mind that, if she wasn’t so damn obsessed about Humans all the time. Or well, me specifically.

Ever since I have turned a myth into a reality for her, she has been really hard-core in trying to bore me with as many holes as she can with her unending curiosity. Trying to convince me to teach her about the Human world as a whole. It’s History, customs, culture, language, the entire thing. Even going so far as going….TOO far. Like that whole “spiked coffee” incident I mentioned earlier.

Just so she can complete her sketch on the “Human anatomy” by getting a good view of my penis.

Even tried to pull down my pants, to which I respectively replied “PISS OFF!” to force her to stop. She never finished the sketch though.

“So, what are you planning to do for today hmmm?” She again asks while giving me a half-lidded look.

I shrug. “Spend my day sitting behind this desk like how I always do?” I replied.

She giggles. “Why don’t you come over to me at the Library during your lunch break? I have this interesting book I like to show you about old Human folklore from around the world. I just like to confirm with you if some of them are accurate.” She offers with her tail doing this swaying thing again. As if she was trying to entice me.

Well, it never worked.

I groan. “Do I have to?” I ask.

“Well...” She began, rubbing her left foreleg with a paw. “Not really but it would seriously help me with my studies. Plus I just like to hang out with you some more.” She replies while giving me a shy smile.

I sigh. “Fine, I’ll be there when I have time,” I reply, committing to my fate. “There better not be another potion waiting for me there though,” I add, a lot more serious this time.

She nods. “Don’t worry, I won't try something like that again I promise.” She states while raising her right paw. Trying to do a peace sign with it which…kinda worked, I guess. But it ended up looking more like the “live long and prosperous” sign from star trek.

Maybe that’s what she went with.

“Yeah ok whatever, can you please move along now so that I can start my shift?” I gesture with my hand.

“Oh right. I gotta start organizing some books too. See you at noon then.” She states happily before finally cantering off.

I let out a long and deep sigh. "Finally, now I can start my day." I think to myself as I begin to organize a few things so I can get started.

“Pen’s check.”

“Ink cartridges check”

“Coffee…” I took a sip of it and hummed. “…acceptable.”

“Ungodly amounts of paper and of course…” I pull out a large glass jar of clips from my right drawer. “Clippies,” I state before placing the Jar down in front of me.

“All right, I’m Read…” I was about to say before the large entry doors in front of me suddenly burst open.

Well, not exactly burst open but more slightly pushed apart as a light pink creature peeks its head through its gaps. That creature being a Vulpix If I remember my Poke-encyclopedia correctly.

As mentioned, its entire body is slightly pink, with its hair and tail all messy and quite frankly all over the place.

Not sure if this little fella is suffering from a serious case of bed hair or if it simply doesn’t care about its personal looks or aesthetics. Either way, I won’t judge. Especially from a guy who decided to walk into his workstation with nothing but his Jimmies and a pair of fuzzy morning-themed slippers.

I guess we might have something in common with that one.

I quickly straighten myself before taking another sip of my coffee. Watching as the Vulpix slowly shuffles itself over to me with barely audible steps underneath its paws. It then stopped, raised its head up for the first time, and then paused. Staring up at me like a deer in headlights. 

"Ah, another newcomer." I think to myself as I take another sip from my coffee before leaning back against my seat nonchalantly.

I already knew the question before it was spoken.

“Wha-what? Who and what are you?” The little fella asks in a high pitched but somewhat raspy-sounding voice while looking up at me with wide eyes.

Seriously, if I had a penny -or rather a Poke in this case- for every Pokemon who has asked me this question over the course of my time here I would be a rich man. A boring and unfulfilled rich man but a rich man nonetheless.

I could finally have my own house, run as a mayor, take over every business in town, and then finally achieve…

I stop, before blinking myself back into reality and putting my head back into the game.

I can daydream later.

I lean forward, before finally addressing this little Vulpix for the first time. Rehearsing the welcome mantra inside my head a 1000th time before saying it out loud.

“Hello there, and welcome to the Serene Valleys Guild where we place teamwork and dedication above all else. How can I help you today little missy?” I greet her while trying to look as friendly as I can.

She immediately frowned.

Well, that didn’t last long.

“Did you just call me a girl?” She asked, looking quite agitated.

I shrug. “I mean yeah. The color, the hair band, and of course your voice. Why?” I asked genuinely curious.

This just made her angrier. “Well because I am actually a BOY!” He spat before firing an icicle from his mouth which nearly missed my head and impacted the brick wall behind me.

"Well, he seems trigger-happy."  I think to myself as I look at the icicle behind me. Firmly stuck inside the wall where the mortar meets with the bricks.

There is only one person to call for this, someone who is as equally trigger-happy as he is.

“LILITH!” I screamed before a yellow blur suddenly ran into the room before stopping just beside my desk. Damn, she’s getting fast. Usually, it would at least take her a couple of seconds more before finally arriving. She is really getting good at this, or maybe she was already close by when I called for her.

Who knows.

Either way, Lilith takes her time to shake some of the remaining static of her fur before finally looking up at me.

“Yo what’s up?” She asks while giving me a smile.

I just point at the angry little kid and she followed, before looking back at me with a smirk.

“Seriously? I think you could even take her.” She teased which in turn just pissed him off even more. Well, this isn’t getting any better.

Again, I just point to the Icicle behind me still embedded in the wall.

She nods. “Right…” She replies before switching her gaze to the Ice fox who is now glaring daggers at her.

“Ok kid, what seems to be the problem?” She asks giving him a much more serious look. Her guard-dog mode kicking in.

“The problem?” The kid asks with a raised voice. “The problem is that I HATE it when mons keep calling me a girl just because my fur is slightly pink!” He shouts.

"Is that all?" I think to myself as I watch Lilith trot around him before just…lifting his tail with a paw. Much to the kid's surprise and embarrassment.

She smiled. “Yup, definitely a boy.” She announces before returning to her previous spot.

Did I ever mention that she can be crude as hell sometimes? I think I didn’t.

“HEY, WHAT THE HELL!” The kid screams as he sits down on his haunches with his tail tucked in between his hind legs. Blushing profusely while glaring at my co-worker next to me.

She laughs “Calm down kid. I was just checking. Now what exactly brings you here? There aren’t that many Alolan Vulpixes around these parts as far as I know. So where are you from?” She asks while giving the kid a calm but curious look.

“Wouldn’t you know?” He spat back, almost looking ready to attack.

“Ok, enough of this,” I announced before sitting back up. Looking at my co-worker and saying: “Lilith I will take it from here.” I state.

She nods. “Sure, but I’ll wait here for a while. Just to be sure ok?” She asks to which I nod.

I return my attention back to the kid in front of me. “So, misgendering incident aside. What brings you here? Are you here for official business? Ready to apply to join a team, or are you just here to gawk at the myth turned real as everybody else does? So please hurry up before another cult member or cryptic hunter comes bursting through that door. Time is precious, and money, and I’m still waiting for my paycheck this week now that I mentioned money. This means I’ll have to give the Guildmaster another visit this afternoon just to remind her yet again. Which sucks, because her office is on the other side of this building. Which double sucks.” I rambled on mindlessly much to the kid's confusion.

At least he doesn’t look mad anymore. Which was totally intended by the way and not just mere coincidence. Totally planned for this.

“I….” He began before sighing. “I knew I should have picked a different guild.” I hear him mutter.

“Well too bad. You here now which means you have to suffer through me.” I state while giving him a thumbs up.

“You know, I think you're crazy.” He exclaims while pointing a paw at me.

“Am I?” I exclaim back while leaning a bit forward. “Well, try to imagine this. You go to bed one day, wake up in a completely different world the next morning before trying to comprehend the fact that you are now existing inside a multi-billion-dollar media franchise.” I lean in closer.” So tell me, does this make me sound crazy?” I ask in a deep and forbidding tone.

He shook his head. “I have no idea what the other half of that meant but yes, you ARE crazy.” He exclaimed while glaring back at me.

I leaned back. “Good! At least we're on the same page here.” I reply before Lilith chimes in.

“You know, that DOES make you sound crazy.” She comments which earned her a glare.

“You're not helping,” I shot back before returning to the kid.

“Ok let's just get to the point. Why are you here and what can I help you with?” I ask, trying to be professional. Well, as professional as someone with uncombed hair, jimmies, and a pair of slippers can be.

Can’t stop beating that horse, can I?

He sighs. “Fine.” He gets up before giving me a deadpan look. “I came here to join a team maybe. Explorer, Rescue, any of these would do.” He states while looking off to the side disinterested which made me raise an eyebrow.

"Any of these?" I think to myself, feeling slightly befuddled.

*Well, that’s new. Usually, I always get Pokémon’s who know exactly what they want. Well, this is intriguing* I think to myself before pulling out a large folder from a drawer next to me and flopping it onto the desk with a loud thud. I then flipped it open, reviewing It for any local teams who might be lacking a third member. 

There are a couple but most of them are either too far in their rank to be accepting a newbie like him or are complete assholes from my experience, so sending them a kid like him would be like pouring gasoline over a bonfire.

In other words, not a good idea.

“Well, shit!” I exclaim, having trouble finding a team that might be perfect for this little Icey hot head. 

“What?” He asks, sounding a bit impatient.

 “I’m struggling to find any open spots for you. Usually, those who wish to join the guild tend to do so in pairs to avoid this same exact issue. It can sometimes be hard to find an existing team that might be looking for a new member, let alone one which fits a kid like you. You might not have prior rescue or explorer experience don’t you?” I then ask, giving the kid a questionable look.

He just shook his head.

“Well, that settles it,” I announce before closing the folder. Completely out of wit's end.

“Well, I’m sorry then. But you have to…”

“What seems to be the problem?” A motherly voice asks which I immediately recognize.

“Guildmaster Lydia” Lilith exclaims as the Playboy bunny enters the scene while also causing a scene.

You see, she’s hot. Well, for the Pokémon’s I mean. Which usually results into everyone staring at her whenever she just walks by. Primarily for those teens and younger adult teams that hang around here. Always ending up with them just staring at her “glorious” hips and stopping whatever it is they were doing. Even dropping things. Which always makes Hector's blood boil if it happens to be drinks or snacks.

But he isn’t here and nothing got spilled this time so where good to go.

Scene aside I quickly address her.

“Hello, boss?” I casually greet her, forcing her to roll her eyes.

“I already told you to not call me that. You can just call me by my name like everybody else.” She exclaims, giving me an annoyed look.

“I know. I’m just more used to the formalities of my world than this one.” I explain, which probably must have been the 100th time I had to say that.

She just sighs before finally noting the presence of the kid in front of me.

“Well, who are you little one?” She asks while crouching down and smiling at him. Which has the same effects on him as it did on his same-aged colleagues.

Just staring up at her in silence.

“I…uhm…” He tried to say. But was clearly far too mesmerized by her overall charm and beauty. Again, for a Pokémon.

I decided to do the talking for him. “He wants to join a team. Though the problem is there aren’t any spots open.” I explained which seemed to be enough to snap the kid out of his trance as he looked at me. The scowl returning on his face.

Lydia hummed as she got up. “I see, well that is a problem then. Didn’t he come in with a partner?” She asks while giving me a look.

“Nope, he came in alone,” I replied.

She began to think. “I’ll have to look into my personal files then to see if I can find anything. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable until then? Go meet with the other guild members and maybe make some friends too?” She offers with a smile.

He didn’t look as enthusiastic though.

“I’d rather not.” He replies while looking off to the side.

That certainly surprised the Guildmaster.

“Oh. Well, can I at least get your name then?” She asks. Prompting me to get my pen out so that I can just fill in his information for him because. Paws are notoriously bad at writing things. Let alone holding a pen. Which is why most quadrupeds tend to just use their mouths instead of their paws or claws, which is also why I prefer to do most of the paperwork myself because I don’t want Pokemon's saliva on my pens.

That is just disgusting.

He sighs. “Mat…my name is Mat.” He replies which I quickly wrote down before I remember something.

“Wait, boss,” I announce while looking at her.

Her giant ears perked up as she looked at me. Giving me a deadpan expression at not using her name again.

I of course ignored it.

“It's almost the end of the week. When will I get paid?” I ask, getting straight to business.

Chapter Text

Link to my second fic can be found here.

Well, it fucking happened again. Last night I had another visit from that one cult member who keeps pestering me about “liberation” and trying to convince me to remove myself from my “bindings” -aka my job- and come with her so that I can- and I quote- “fulfill my true destiny and become a GOD.”

How am I supposed to do that I don’t know. But she keeps rambling about “using the blood of the legendaries” or whatever to elevate me to GODHOOD.

That is at least their plan. There is also another cult that wants to USE my blood instead so that they can summon the great arbiter or whatever they call it. Just another Human god in their weird human cult I suppose. Apparently, both groups share the same beliefs but have completely different goals.

They don’t really like each other who would have thought? And all of this because of my so-called “unique Aura.”

Which apparently is extremely strange and unknown to those who can sense it. Like Lenne for example. Which really isn’t too surprising I guess. I am an alien from another world after all. 

Either way, I told Jessica no -yes I am calling her that now- that I am not interested in becoming their GOD and that she should just please leave me ALONE. Even though I already know that this is never going to happen.

Because apparently, Umbreon’s are really good at being stealthy. Especially at night. Which doesn’t really explain how she manages to get into my room in the middle of the night. But at least she keeps her paws to herself.

Even Lilith is completely stumped about how she does that. Despite her best efforts in keeping Pokémon’s like her out by locking all the doors and windows before nightfall.

Whatever, not a big problem I suppose. So far she hasn’t been too aggressive towards me so I guess I can live with it.

Oh, and of course I am also babysitting Mat now. Because finding a team he can get along with turned out to be harder than we thought. It never lasted a single day.  Always being aggressive or really hard to work with were the most common complaints. Especially whenever one of them accidentally called him a girl. Which happened quite often.

What an insecure little shithead.

And now all he does is hang around inside in the lobby all day. Laying on a couch closest to me while happily frowning his days away like an absolute emo. Why doesn’t he just go home when this whole “Guild” thing isn’t working for him? He is just here wasting his time, plus we can’t exactly kick him out either because he hasn’t caused any serious problems yet.

And because of that, the kid is currently in this limbo zone where his acceptance into the guild has been approved but he is still missing a team. There is a deadline period where he HAS to join a team or be fired from the guild automatically. But that is still a long way off so until then there is nothing we can do.   

But what “I” can do is just focus on my job by organizing request fliers before handing them over to some rando to hang them up on their respective bulletin boards.

One for simple Dungeon-related requests, and another primarily for outlaws.

Because yes, being part of this guild also gives you the option of bounty hunting. It's like Boy Scouts but sprinkled with a healthy dose of vigilantism. Because who doesn’t want to send out their kids to go hunt for some criminals? It's not like this town has its Police fo…OH WAIT! It does but they are as reliable as the cops back home. Lazy, slow to respond, but also understaffed.

It's literally just the two of them. Officer Magnezone and his Deputy Porygon Z. An oversized magnet and a robot duck. Honestly, I am surprised that the town itself is still standing with just those two in charge. With all of those cultists and criminals running about. Not to mention all of the weird shit. But that is neither here nor there.

I am just happy to be in here, and far away from the constant madness that is the outside world.

“All right, all done,” I exclaim as I finished stacking up the last pile of fliers. Now they are ready to be posted, and I can continue on with my day by doing absolutely nothing.    

I look around. “Huh, I forgot that most of the guild members are already out and about. Now who is going to hang up these fliers?” I ask myself before looking at a particularly lonely-looking fox to my left.

“Hey MAT!” I call out. “Why not do something useful today and hang these fliers for me?” I state while pointing at the two stacks on top of my desk.

He turns around, looks at the stacks of papers, and frowns. “How the hell am I supposed to do that? I have paws genius.” He calls out while flashing me his pink little paws of his along with their purple-colored paw pads.

Why the hell did I mention that last part? 

I groan. “For fucks sake don’t be so lazy. You remind me of a certain someone from back home. Plus, I have seen plenty of Pokemon’s like you do stuff with their paws which should normally be impossible. So that excuse doesn’t work on me buddy.” I counter back while giving him a mild glare.

He groans. “FINE! If that gets you off my back.” He argues before jumping down from the couch and trotting over to me.

I hand him the first stack and he easily took them off my hands with his “PAWS”, before placing them on his back and making his way to the bulletin board with a slight grumble.

I huffed before leaning back against my chair and resting my legs on top of my desk. I am basically done for today, that is, unless something decides to come bursting through those front doors to ruin it.

* Bang *

Son of a bitch.

“Oops, sorry for that. I don’t know why I keep pushing harder than I should.” A Glaceon in front of me apologized while rubbing the back of her head sheepishly.

I immediately recognize her. Thanks to her unusual name and fur colors.

“Oh hey, Snow.” I casually greet her as she lets herself in. Aiming from the closest seat to the door and plopping her ass down almost immediately. Letting out a long satisfying sigh.

She is a regular, not a guildmember per say but someone who occasionally stops by. She is a solo explorer you see and never really liked the idea to work as a team. Because of that she was never properly joined the guild and given an official badge or rank. But for her, it never really mattered as she was still able to afford all the things she needed even without the aid of the guild, somehow.

I never bothered to ask her how and realistically speaking it's none of my business. She simply does this as a passion and that’s all I need to know.

And oh yeah she is a shiny in case anyone wants to know. Which probably explains her strange name with her fur being white as a summer cloud underneath her blue highlights.

Again, I never bothered to ask because once again, I don’t really care and it's none of my business.

But she does as she suddenly perks up.

“Oh right, I almost forgot.” She exclaims before jumping off the couch.

She makes her way over to me before pulling out a piece of paper from her bag and placing it on top of my desk.

It’s a wanted poster, with the photo of a Hypno plastered at its center.

“Wanted for sexual assaults.” I read out loud. And yeah, those exist here as well. Because whatever PG shit you know from the show and games is all bullshit. This world is just as dark and messed up as ours. It only does a way better job of hiding it. With the lack of TV, or the internet. They do have newspapers though and some very early archaic version of the radio. But from what I heard, the latter is still in its early development stage and has only been implemented in a handful of places.

But that is none of my concern. What is though, is why she gave me this. Unless…

“Are you turning in a bounty?” I ask while looking at her.

She nods. “Yup, he is waiting just outside. All gagged and bound. Ironic, isn’t it?” She states while giving me a satisfying smile.

“I see,” I reply while giving the poster another look. Reading the list of crimes committed by this yellow goblin. All of course were sex-related

What a horn dog.

“Alright, can I maybe see him just to confirm it?” I ask.

She nods. “Sure thing.” She replies before trotting back to the door and opening it completely. Revealing a bound and gagged Hypno on the other side.

She was right, it does look Ironic.

“Cool,” I exclaim before pulling out a pen and a piece of paper to write this down. Captured, by who, and how.

“Say, can you maybe tell me how you even managed to…” I do some air quotes”…bring him to justice? Just some extra information to hand over to the officer.” I ask while looking at her expectantly.

She immediately froze before a soft blush emanated from her Ivory colored cheeks. Looking off the side.

“…right,” I comment before writing it all down.

“Justice by snu snu.” I mutter to myself as I write it down. Not really sure if the officer knows the reference, but at the same time who cares?

I just find this funny.

“Well, I’ll have to file this report to the local Officer so that he and his deputy can come pick him up. In the meantime, why not go check yourself for any potential STD’s with our local nurse? I’m sure she can help with that.” I suggest while thumbing in the direction where her office is.

And yes, STD’s are a thing here too. Remember what I said earlier?

She again looks flustered. “Hey, I made sure that he didn't…Never mind.” She sighs.

She was about to leave when Mat suddenly returned with the stack of fliers missing from his back. I take a look at one of the bulletin boards to my far left and immediately frown. Those fliers are hanging all over the place. Lopsided, upside down, covering each other, and generally just a poor and sloppy job all around.

I would have him fired on the spot if he was an actual employee. Being German means I have a healthy degree of expectancy. As Ironic as that sounds. So imagine my OCD when I see this. I would be screaming at him for this if he didn’t had the power to just impale me to the wall behind me.

So I bit my tongue.

“There I’m done. Can I just go back to the couch?” He asks while giving me his usual expressions. A.K.A a frown. Which I adamantly return.

“Sure, just sit there a bit quiet,” I reply while shooing him off.

He just huffs before doing just that. Walking past Snow without even acknowledging her existence.

Though Snow does. “Hey, who’s the kid?” She asks as she watches him.

I shrug. “Good question. I like to know that as well. He just showed up around three days ago. Wanting to join a team. But at this point…” I pause” …I am pretty sure he really doesn’t want to. He simply lacks the enthusiasm and has been like this since the day he arrived. Moody and hard to approach. Also, he absolutely hates it when someone calls him a girl. So, I guess don’t do that.” I explain with a shrug.

“Huh.” She replies while placing a paw underneath her chin. Looking a bit thoughtful.

“Hey, is it ok if I talk to him?” She then asks while looking up at me.

Again I shrug. “Not really. So knock yourself out.” I reply, not really caring.

She nods before making her way over to him, who has just resumed his existence on top of the couch. Curled up into a ball while facing away.

I watch her stop just at arm’s length away from him before announcing her presence.

“Hey there.” She casually started.

He didn’t respond. Which isn’t really that surprising as he rarely ever responds or even acknowledges anyone around here besides me or the Guildmaster herself. Which is why she decided to just poke him with a paw to get his attention this way.  Much to his annoyance.

“What?” He just asks while looking over his shoulder. Frowning as he always does.

That didn’t stop her from smiling though. “Hey there, my name is Snow and I just heard that you’re new here. Is it maybe ok to ask what your name is and where you are from?” She asks.

“Why would you want to know that?” He asks in a suspicious or almost accusing tone.

Though she doesn’t seem phased as her kind smile never faded. “No reason, just want to know you, that's all. We shiny’s need to stick together after all. I know it can be difficult when some mons out there like to label us as freaks for simply looking different. So I just want to extend a friendly paw to someone who is just like me. So what do you think?” She again asks while extending her paw.

Ah yes, Racism. Can’t escape it no matter where you are. Even in a world such as this one. I mean heck, there are at least a thousand or so different species of Pokémon’s out there. So knowing that it really shouldn’t be a surprise now, should it?

Either way, it's nothing I should really worry about as I continue to wait and see if the kid is going to accept her offer or not.   

I can tell that he is thinking. His eyes scanned her for any signs of lies or deceptions while he contemplates her words. He eventually sighs before placing his own paw above hers.

“Mat, my name is Mat.” He casually replies while looking away.

Snow smiles. “Sweet. “She exclaims happily before retracting her paw. “Hey wait, I have an idea.” She suddenly perks up. “You were hoping to join a team, right? Well, why not form a new one with me? What do you say?” She asks which quickly makes me raise an eyebrow, and I am not the only one.

“Wait what?” Mat asks, looking quite surprised.

“You heard me. Let's just form our own team. I have a lot of experience when it comes to exploration. I can show you the ropes while you get the chance to vent out some of your frustrations to any bad Pokémon’s we might come across. What do you think?” She explains while again reaching out her paw. 

Well, this is certainly interesting. This is the first time I've ever seen her toy with this idea.

Forming a team.

Before she always turned down the offer. So what changed? Is it maybe because he is shiny too, just like her? Could be. I know that those are quite rare, and besides these two there has only ever been one shiny around here, and that one is none other than “Jessica” herself.

Yes, that Jessica, that damn cultist who wants to turn me into a GOD. It’s either her or the other group of insane delinquents that simply want my blood. Why? To bring forth the great harbinger or whatever they call it.

Either way, both cults are a group of nutjobs and I am not taking any of their baits or suggestions. I don’t feel like dying and the journey to godhood is probably just painful. I mean Heracles had to go through those twelve labors just to be accepted by the Olympians. Like killing a fucking Hydra.

I don’t wanna do THAT! And I am certainly not going to place my bets or trust on some lunatics who I barely know, and one of them has been incredibly persistent ever since I got here.

I swear either Lilith was bullshitting me about the guilds air-tight security, or that black and blue chick can teleport.     

Either way, I’m gonna…

“Uhm Helloooooooo!” A paw suddenly waves in front of my eyes, immediately stopping my thought.

“I uhh…” I stutter while blinking a couple of times.

I should probably stop doing that.

“Wa-what is it?” I ask while looking at the two mammals in front of me.

“Well, I said that we want to form a team. Do you have one of those forms that I can fill in?” snow asks while tilting her head a bit.

I nod. “Sure, but let me do the writing. I am a lot faster with my hands than you two are with your mouths or paws. Saves me a bit of time.” I offer before pulling out a pen and a blank information form from a drawer below the counter.

She just nods while I started to fill in the information for them. Such as name, species, gender, and other requirements besides their team name obviously. Which I still have to ask and I don’t know why I bothered to tell this to myself or any of YOU who might be reading this memoir instead of just…ASKING her right now.

I shall rectify that.

“All right, all filled in. Now all I need is a team name and I can stamp this son of a bitch. Do you already have one?” I ask looking down at her.

She hummed. “Hmmm, well I might have one.” She replies before looking at her partner next to her. “Hey, do you know the move ‘Ice Fang” by any chance?” She asks him which makes him raise an eyebrow.

“Of course I do. That’s what I use whenever someone teases me or calls me a girl on purpose.” He replies, almost a bit too casually.

“I see.” She mutters before looking back up at me with a smile. “I have an idea then. How about ‘Team Frostbite’.” She openly announces.

Honestly not the worst name I heard. I have come across some pretty dastardly once since my time working here. Like a Mienfoo and Kubfu calling themselves Team Fighting.  Like NO SHIT!

Talk about unoriginality. But Team Frostbite sounds nice. It has a bit of a ring to it. I’m convinced, unlike Mat though.

“Why Frostbite?” He asks a bit skeptic.

“Well…” She began. “It's simple really, where both ice types for starters, AND we both know the move Ice Fang. So I just thought calling ourselves team frostbite will be quite accurate. Don’t you think?” She explains while rubbing the back of her head.

“Works for me honestly.” I bud in, just adding my 2 cents.

He sighs. “Whatever, I don’t really care about the team name, to be honest.” He replies while looking off to the side.

I shrug before writing down their team name over ‘team name’.

“There ya go.” I declared and gave it its proper stamp. “You two are now officially called Team Frostbite. Congratulations.” I announce before handing them their paper.

“SWEET!” Snow announces as she suddenly pulls her new partner over for an embrace.  Much to his surprise and embarrassment. “Where now an official team together. Isn’t it great?” She states while nuzzling the top of his head.

Making his already messy hair even messier.

“Will you STOP THAT! Just because we're in a team doesn’t mean we are automatically friends.” He protests while trying to push himself free.

“Aww, I like you too.” She replies jokingly before finally releasing him. “Hey, can you maybe bring this to the guildmaster? We obviously need her to approve it as well and receive our first badges.” She explains while handing…or rather pawing him (fuck me) the form.

“Actually that is my….”

“FINE!” He declares while snatching the piece of paper away from her and cantering off.

Leaving me speechless and her shaking her head.

She sighs. “Kids these days.” She mutters. While I have a very important question to ask.

“Say, why did you team up with HIM of all people? What changed?” I ask, genuinely curious.

She shrugs. “Well, not sure. But I do have to admit, I find his grumpy personality intriguing. Maybe even a bit cute. But other than that…”She pauses.”…I can kinda relate to him you know. Being a shiny can be quite tough sometimes. Especially for a kid like him. I just feel like helping him you know.” She explains while watching the lad disappear from view.

I nod. “Yeah, I understand I guess.” I casually reply, getting a bit lost in thought.

Now how long is this going to last though? I think to myself. Exposing the more cynical part of my mind.

Really I have very little faith in the lad. With his poor behavior, aggressive tendencies, and very little self-esteem. But who knows, maybe Snow can change him for the better…or for worse.

I’ll just be waiting here behind my desk then, five days a week, twelve hours a day, to await the results.

“Wait, does he even know where the Guildmasters office is?” Snow suddenly asks while looking up at me.

“Eh!” I shrug. “Maybe you better follow him before he bites someone. He's got quite the temper after all.” I exclaim.

She nods. “Right. I’ll better catch up with him then. Oh and thank you.” She smiles before quickly dashing off. Finally leaving me to my lonesome.

I sigh. “Finally, some peace and quiet again,” I comment out loud while leaning back against my chair, closing my eyes, and relaxing.

Allowing myself to doze off, and maybe catch up on some sleep now that my work was done. Well until the evening that is.

Damn you Jessica.

Chapter Text

 Mat and Snow of Team Frostbite

Lenne The Librarian 

Today I am helping Lenne to gather some supplies for the guild. Why? Because fuck me that’s why. Normally this is Hilda’s job but today she is sick. Why? Well, I don’t know. But thanks to that it's not up to Lenne and ME to do her job for her. Emphasis on ME. Because if this was up to ME, I would have just stayed at my station and continued to stamp papers and such.

But of course, Lydia, my boss had other ideas. Coming up with the excuse, and I quote “Alex, you should really go outside some more and get some fresh air” which is bullshit.

I am ALREADY getting enough fresh air from my open window. So why the hell do I have to accompany Lenne off all people to go do groceries? She is weird and I’m sticking out like a sore thumb. Like quite literally, with me being the only alien in town!

“Hurry up. For someone with legs as long as yours, you are surprisingly slow.” Lenne complains ahead of me as she stops. Looking over her shoulder.  

I grumble. “I still don’t know why I have to come along. Do I have to remind you that there are cultists and weirdos out there that want my blood? I am completely exposed out here.” I state while flailing my arms around.

“Oh don’t worry. I doubt that any of them are going to be so bold as to try and abduct you in brought daylight. So don’t worry. Plus, you have me.” She states with confidence while pointing a paw at herself.

“Yeah, I know.” I give her a flat look. “And that’s exactly what worries me as well.” I exclaim before finally catching up with her.

She spouts. “Really? You're still going on about that one potion I gave you. I already said I was sorry. I was just…way too excited at the time.”

“Yeah, I know, which is why I like to keep my distance from you,” I state while power-walking past her.

“Aw come on, why can’t you…Hey WAIT!” She calls out before catching up with me.

We were slowly reaching the edge of the town. Traveling now side by side with her getting uncomfortably close, which forced me to move to the side to keep my distance. Only for her to then do the complete opposite. Moving closer towards me whenever I try to move away from her. Which ultimately turned into this weird game of us slowly moving further and further off the beaten path before we eventually started to walk on grass.

She really can’t take a hint can’t she?

“Well, here we are.” Lenne eventually states before looking confused. “Wait…where is the road?”

“You only just noticed?” I asked, a bit surprised at her poor perception.

She shook her head. “Never mind. The market is this way.” She declares before leading the way.

I just shrug while following her as we enter the town. The town itself looks…fairly identical to what I’m used to and by that I mean looks exactly like home. Well not exactly of course but in terms of architecture and feel. It's almost identical.

Where the hell are those Pokémon shaped buildings and shops that I saw on one of those spinoff games that my younger brother used to play? Instead, those have been downgraded as simple signs, while the buildings themselves look much closer to the houses and homes you can find near the black forest area in southwestern Germany. Where I used to live.   

So imagine my bewilderment when I first realized this. Welcoming, but still surreal.

It may explain why this town has such a cult problem. If their buildings mimic human architecture. Specifically Central European.

Either way doesn’t matter, as I continued to follow Lenne through some rugged streets and colorfully decorated homes before finally reaching the market in just a couple of minutes or so. Located within a large circular shape plaza at the center of the town. It looks and feels exactly how an old school market should. Full of life and buzzing with activity. Pokemon’s of all types, shapes, and sizes were prowling about. Talking to one another, buying and selling various goods, or simply walking (or flying) about and enjoying their day. You can even see a few coming in and out of the town hall. But I am not here to go through some bureaucratic nightmare.

Oh no, I am here because Lydia told me to, so that I can get some damn fresh air…oh, and of course help Lenne with her groceries as if her telekinesis wasn’t a thing.

Again, why exactly am I here again? I’m not a fan of large crowds and this market is hosting a whole fucking army. My anxiety would be through the roof right now if I wasn’t already pissed off. The number of times I had to explain to someone that “I am in fact a human” and “No’ this isn’t a prank bro, I’m not a ditto or a Zorua” before getting here was getting really old really fast. Plus, it's the middle of autumn, and all I have are a pair of fuzzy slippers and my blue and white striped Pajamas to keep me warm. Which they don’t.

Another reason why I want to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“Well, here we are.” Lenne eventually announced which brought me back to reality. It's amazing how well your body can run on autopilot while you’re busy monologuing to yourself like a main character inside a sitcom. I quickly stopped and locked up and came face to face with a large wooden effigy of a Kangaskhan’s head hanging above a large set of doors and a sign next to it saying “Kangaskhan’s storehouse”.

What a name. That’s like calling a warehouse “The human warehouse”. Which sounds incredibly wrong now that I think about it.

Never mind, I won’t judge even though I just did. Fuck.

“Hello, we're here to pick up some supplies for the guild!” Lenne calls out while ringing a small bell hanging right next to the door.

A few seconds later the doors opened. Revealing the owner of this establishment and the very face of the effigy up above.

The brown kangaroo lizard.

“Well hello there.” She greets, giving Lenne a kind smile until she notices me.

“Oh so you must be the human I heard so much about. Working at the guild, yes? But sorry where are my manners? My name is Frida, owner of this warehouse. And who do I owe the pleasure to?” She asks with her motherly voice.

“Melvin, Melvin Becker.” I casually replied, introducing myself.

“It's so nice to meet you finally. Oh, If only my son was here, but sadly, he is in school. So…I guess I just have to tell him.” She mused before finally getting back on track. “Anyway, you two came to pick up the guild's monthly food supplies, yes? Well, all I need are a couple of signatures and I can bring them over personally along with my husband.” She explains before producing a clipboard from her pouch.

“Wait, THAT’S IT!” I call out, maybe a bit too loud.

“Well, yes. Why?” Frida asks while raising an eyebrow. Does a Kangaskhan even have eyebrows? Maybe I should look this up.

Either way, I shook my head. “Never mind, I’m just happy that I don’t have to carry things back to the guild,” I replied before a sudden gust of wind made me shudder.

“Are you cold?” Lenne asks while looking up at me.

“Yes, it's Autumn, and all I have is this” I state while gesturing to myself. Specifically at my poor choice of outdoor clothing.

She hummed. “Well, why didn’t you dress in something warmer than before we left?” She asks, tilting her head a bit.

“Because I don’t have anything else,” I replied as a matter of fact.

“Huh.” She replies before muttering something to herself that I couldn’t quite make up. Not that it mattered as she quickly perked up. “Wait, in that case, let's just head over to Miss Isabella’s shop so she can make you a jacket. Let me just sign in these papers so that we can…”

“NO!” I shout, causing both her and Frida to jump. “I am NOT going to her ever AGAIN. The last time I was there was a complete disaster. I am not doing that again.” I state before crossing my arms.

“A disaster? From what I heard, the only thing she tried to do was take your measurements. What’s wrong with that?” She asks, giving me a confused look.

How the hell does she know that? She wasn’t with us when I first visited her shop. It was just me, and Lydia…

Fucking Lydia. I think to myself, realizing who told her.

I inhaled sharply through my nose before answering “Simple. She was trying to strip me naked in front of everyone when I explicitly told her many times that I wasn’t interested in anything fancy. All I wanted were several copies of my jimmies. Nothing more and nothing less.” I explain before crossing my arms.

She scoffed. “Oh come on. I already saw you naked a couple of times so it's not that bad.” She explains which quickly made me raise an eyebrow.

“What?”

“What?”

I squinted and she froze, before quickly shaking her head and changing the subject rather suspiciously. “Anyway, I still don’t get it what the big deal is. I mean most Pokémon’s are naked. I’m naked.” She points to herself with a paw.

I shook my head. “Yeah I know, I can tell whenever you're facing away from me.” I point out right back at her before quickly realizing the errors of my words.

She perks up. “Oh, so THAT’S where you like to look huh?” She asks with a cheeky smirk.

Oh for fuck sake…

“WHAT! NO! OF COURSE NOT! I get exposed to a lot of junk BECAUSE you Pokemon’s forgo the simple decency of wearing some damn clothes. But also….FUCK IT. Let's just go over to Isabella’s place so we can make me a jacket. Let's just get this over with.” I declare before quickly storming off in the direction where her tailor shop is. 

I don’t need to be psychic to know that Lenne is giving me the cheeky grin from behind my back.

Fine, I’ll let her have this one. But after that, I'm going to punch myself.

Either way, it didn’t take long for me to find Isabella's place as it's just on the other side of the Market where the warehouse is. A brightly purple-colored home with an even darker colored roof. It sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the other buildings and shops around it and is therefore really hard to miss.

With a heavy sigh reached up and pulled the cord to ring her doorbell to get her attention. A few moments later the door opened revealing a Tsareena in all of its wide-hipped glory.

“Uhm…Hello Isabelle.” I greet her with a flat expression.

“Melvin? Well, that’s a surprise.” She stated while looking…well surprised obviously.

I sigh. “Well yes, anyway are you busy?” I ask, forcing her to regain her composure.

She nods. “Well yes of course I am. A fashionista like myself never rests. I am always working on my next piece.” She replied, in a posh and regal tone.

“You mean making scarves.” I point out, which made her scuff.

“You know I do more than just scarves, right? I may specialize in weaving combat-enhancing scarves and accessories but I also do dresses and other forms of clothing. You’ve already seen those, haven't you?” She asks while giving me a knowing look.

“Yeah, I did,” I replied.

“Anyway, what is it I can help you with? I hope it's not like last time. I can make you more than just sleeping garments you know?” She points out. Crossing her arms while leaning against the door.

Another gust of wind made me shudder. “Actually, that is the thing. It's getting cold and these Pajamas aren’t exactly made for the outdoors. Can you maybe make me a jacket and a pair of cargo pants as well? I will pay once it's done of course.” I ask, getting straight to the point.

Her expression quickly lights up. “Oh darling, why didn’t you say so earlier? Of course, I can. Oh, how very exciting.” She announced before suddenly grabbing my arm. “Quick come inside.” She declares as she pulls me inside.

I’m already having second thoughts.  

“Oh please make yourself comfortable on the couch over there while I go grab my measuring tapes. Actually…”She pauses.” Penelope, can you please hand me my measuring tools from my room upstairs?” She shouts before just pushing me onto the couch. Quite roughly I may add.

“Aww, do I have to?” A voice whines back from upstairs. That being of her younger sister.

“Fine, I’ll come down then.” She replies.

I still remember when I first met her. She was quite enthralled the first time she saw me. She wasted no time in trying to ask me questions after questions while I was busy trying to convince her older sister that I wasn’t interested in anything fancy. Which eventually ended in me trying to defend my decency in front of my boss and a literal kid.

Like who tries to take someone's clothes off in order to take their measurements?

I understand that these Pokemon’s are totally okay when it comes to nudity. But for me, it’s obviously not that simple. I come from a world where wearing clothing is the norm and not a suggestion, and I am taking this mindset to my freaking grave damn it!

No matter how hard they try.

“Here it is.” I hear Penelope’s voice call out as she suddenly emerges from a set of stairs to my left. She immediately froze once her pinkish-looking eyes fell on me.

I just waved which made her gasp.

Also, did I mention that she is a Steenee? The pre-evolution species of Ms. Wide Hips over there. Just want to point that out.

“It's Mister Human! Why didn’t you tell me he is here?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” She gushed, her eyes sparkling with excitement as she drops everything. Much to her sister's annoyance.

“PENELOPE, don’t just drop my tool like that. Some of them are quite expensive.” She chastised though it fell on deaf ears.

Do Steenees even have ears?

“Oh my gosh. I still have so many questions.” Penelope announces as she suddenly materializes right in front of me. Nearly throwing me off the couch.

“JEEZUS!”

Someone should take away her sugar.

“WHATDOHUMANSDOFORFUNARETHEREHUMANGIRLSHOWCOMEYOUARESOTALLAREALLHUMANSTHISTALLARETHEIRDIFFERENTCOLOREDHUMANSANDISITTRUETHATHUMANSCANMAKETHEBESTPIESANDALSO….” She babbles on, rapid firing words to a point where it all just turned a mess of noise and sounds.

Scratch that, she should be BANNED from sugar. No more candy, no more pies, and whatever else they eat for sweets around here.

“PENELOPE! Stop that! Can’t you tell that you are making him uncomfortable?” Her sister calls out before quickly prying her away from me, much to her dismay.

“BUT SIS!”

“NO BUTS! Now please behave or go back upstairs. He and I have work to do.” She declares before putting her back down.

“Fine!” She spouts while crossing her arms.

“Good, now we can start if you want. Of course, that means I must take your measurements first. If that’s okay with you?” She asks, vocally emphasizing the measurement part.

I turned to look at her sister. “Is she really allowed to watch this?” I ask while pointing at her.

She tilts her head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean is she allowed to see me naked ?” I emphasize.

“I see why not? Unless it’s a problem.” She replies, giving me a curious look.

I hesitated for a while before mentally screaming “fuck it” and stripping myself down to my boxers and exposing my slim and slightly malnourish form. I then stepped onto the podium in the center of the room and waited for her to do her thing.

She smiles before grabbing her measuring stuff from the floor and making her way over to me. She then paused when she realized that I still had my blue teddy bear boxers on.

“What?” I ask with my arms crossed.

“Can you maybe take this off as well? I need to measure your hips too you know?” She asks while looking up at me.

I look at her sister, and then back at her before frowning. “Are you sure about this?”

She deadpans. “Yes, I am sure. So don’t be so shy, I mean it can’t be that bad.” She states while waving an arm around.

“Well, you’ll see,” I state before grabbing my boxers, but also making sure that I was at least facing away from her sister as I slowly pulled it down. Letting it fall down onto my ankles as I just stand there. Fully exposed for the world to see.

“Perfect, now let's go ahead and…oh.” She paused her eyes going wide.

“See?” I announce while crossing my arms.

“That’s… not what I expected honestly. Are all humans this BIG?” She comments, more to herself than anyone else.

Now it was my turn. “Wait what?” I ask while raising an eyebrow and looking down at my boy.

Why do I suddenly feel so proud?

“What’s so BIG.” Penelope suddenly asks behind me.

Isabella quickly snaps back. “NO Penelope, stay right there. This is not for you to see.” She declares loudly.

“Aww but I wanna…” she quickly cuts her off.

“NO! Stay on the couch.” She orders this time much louder.

“…Fine” I hear Penelope sigh. “I’ll then just go back to my room I guess.” She announces sounding a tad bit depressed.

A bit sad, but it’s honestly better this way. That, and I don’t want to see anyone else looking at my junk. It's already bad enough that one of Lydia's old teammates has to see me naked like this. Even if it's just this one time. I am sure she is going to tell her all about it whenever they see each other again.

Because she is quite the gossiper. That’s the first thing I learned.

The last thing I need is even more attention to myself when there are literal nutjobs after me. Even if her reaction earlier felt more like a compliment really. But still…

That’s when her doorbell suddenly rang.

“Oh, another visitor?” Isabella asks as she was about to start.   

Great more distractions.

“Let me just quickly see if this is and then we can start.” She offers before quickly leaving me by my lonesome. Naked and afraid, well less afraid and more naked. Or rather afraid that someone is going to see me like this other than her.

I quickly begin to look around for anything to drape around my waist when an all-familiar voice enters my ears.

“Sorry Melvin for taking this long but I didn’t expect her to…” Lenne stops as she suddenly enters the scene with her eyes wide and her mouth wide open. Catching me exactly at the moment when I was about to pick up my pants.

Giving her the perfect view of a full moon.

“I uh…uhm.” She stutters, her cheeks turning into a darker shade of pink and her tail suspiciously going stiff like an antenna.

I quickly picked up my stuff and pulled up my undies. Glaring at her and Isabelle behind her who I can tell was trying to stifle a giggle.

Lenne eventually shook her head. “Damn, if only I had my notebook and pencil with me.” I hear her muttering to herself while still blushing. Plus, her tail was at full mast mode which also didn’t help me.

I just frowned and screamed. “FOR FUCK SAKE!”


For a brief moment noone truly moves, before I finally speak up once again. "LENNE! GET OUT! BAD GIRL!" Finally my gaze settles on Isabelle as she has yet to stop giggling. 

"Now that's nothing to be TRULY worried about darling, you should be PROUD of what you have, the girls would all be absolutely SWARMING you if they find out.."

As she was speaking Lenne had indeed moved, but was soon back in the room with a piece of paper and a pen floating in front of her.

Where she suddenly got that I have no idea, but now she was rapidly scribbling something down, as Isabelle finally starts to do her JOB. "Now drop those clothes and let me measure you so I can make you something nice and warm." 

Lenne muttered something in the background and my eyes narrowed, not appreciating what I am hearing as she seems to talk about her observations even as she's writing them down. This could only get worse as I nervously look towards the nearby windows and just hope Isabelle's sister didn't get any ideas of her own.

As Isabelle finally got up to me I felt more and more uncomfortable as she starts to measure around my body, working form my shoulders down but once she got to where I still had clothing covering my groin she frowned a little. "Melvin, put them down now, it will only take a moment."

 "Only if Lenne is out of the room first!" I tell her vehemently as I glare at the semi-oblivious Espeon muttering and scribbling away about what she had seen of my naked self and more disturbingly, I could hear her mention that I 'smelled good' too.

Isabelle rolled her eyes before turning around and telling Lenne to get out of the room and glaring at her before she finally realized she was being talked to and only leaving after a bit of a staring contest… though I swear she didn't go very far.

 "There we go, now drop the clothes and I will be done before you know it." I grumbled and reluctantly dropped the clothes, once again giving her a unobstructed view as she tries to be professional, but I can tell that she is to hide her expression with that long ass hair of hers or whatever its called. 

I frowned before crossing my arms.

I knew this was a bad idea. 

Chapter Text

Have you ever had this feeling that you are being watched? I know this is a stupid question to ask. But that is exactly what I am feeling right now, and I don’t even need to open my eyes to know who it is, because this isn’t the first time and probably, sadly not the last.

A thought which made me groan. “Uhhh…hello Jessica,” I mumble.

“You…you noticed me?” She asked, which was obviously a really stupid question.

One I shall point out. “Yes, Jessica I did. You always keep bothering me at the exact same time. It's almost a routine at this point?” I replied while still keeping my eyes shut. Hoping that she can just take the hint and leave me be.

No such luck as I hear her sigh. “I already told you last time that my name isn’t Jessica. I already told you that my…”

I cut her off. “I don’t care, you act and behave like a Jessica to me for being so obnoxious and an idiot. So please leave me be for today. I have a lot of work to do in the morning.” I state before rolling onto my side to face the wall away from her.

I hear her grumble before quietly reciting some weird esoteric prayer which made me groan.

Can’t a man get some shuteye?

“If you are trying to summon the devil to help you, can you please maybe do it outside my room? I don’t want my bedroom to become a literal gateway to hell. So piss off.” I call out, this time much louder.

Which at least made her stop. “Oh no that wasn’t a prayer. I was just repeating the old mantra of ours. For…confidence. But if you wish to receive a prayer then I can…”

“Oh for fuck sake” I call out before finally opening my eyes and turning back around to look at her. Seeing nothing but her glowing red eyes and a black silhouette hiding in the shadows. I can even make out her black cloak which seems rather redundant. I mean she is already black as an Umbreon, so adding another black layer on top of that just seems overkill to me. All of this would have worked if it wasn't for her GLOWING RED EYES which make any attempts at being stealthy completely pointless.

How the hell does she keep getting in here then with those two headlight’s constantly glaring about? Can she turn off them off, does she need batteries, and also why the hell do I care?

What time is it even? I thought to myself as I groggily picked up my phone on top of my nightstand and read that it was 2:30 in the morning. I sigh before putting my phone back and slowly sitting up on my bed. Accepting my fate. I won’t be able to get back to sleep with her around. So why even bother? Let's just get this over with so that I can start my day early by chucking at least two gallons' worth of coffee into my system just to keep me standing for the rest of the day.

I’m going to have a heart attack, aren’t I?

“Ok, just go ahead and try to sell me on whatever nonsense you have planned for me today so that you can leave sooner. I have a lot of paperwork to do later.” I state while resting my head against my left hand.

She hates it when I call her beliefs to be nonsense.

“NONSENSE! It's not nonsense.” She almost shouts, while stomping a paw. “Why can’t you see the potential you hold? Human souls have the means to ascend and WE can help you with that. You can become a God, usher in a new age, and tear down the old pantheon built on nothing but lies and false hopes. With your ascension, we can change it all. Bring in a new age of progress and enlightenment with you at the head of a new pantheon. So why do you keep insisting on delaying your destiny?” She preaches or rather reads from a pre-scripted list because I could see her red glowing eyes moving to and from a piece of paper hiding underneath her cloak.

Which, by the way, she is doing an absolutely shitty job of hiding.

I never bothered to call her out on that, because frankly, I never really cared. But now, well, I am really starting to get tired of this shit. Figuratively and literally. My sleep schedule already sucks as it is and her constant visits don’t help with my sleep deprived state either.

So whoever keeps sending her to convince me of “their ideas” has to stop. Otherwise, I am going to…scream and…slap a bitch or something.

“One, you already know my answer, and two, who is writing those speeches for you?” I ask, finally pointing it out.

She blinked, again easy to tell when your eyes are like a pair of broken traffic lights.

Either way, she stammers. “Wh-what? No, there is no letter. I am speaking of knowledge and experience. I am a high-ranking and respected member of the…” She placed a paw on her chest to emphasize her ‘confidence’ which allowed the aforementioned piece of paper to fall out of her cloak and onto the floor. Breaking the illusion completely.

She pauses. “Uhh…” Like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Well, what’s that then?” I point out.

“That is…just a memo of mine.” She replies, with the same confidence as a child who has just been caught trying to steal cookies from the cookie jar. 

I groaned. “Just, give me THAT.” I declared before quickly snatching it off the floor.

“No WAIT!” She calls out but I ignore her.

“Alright, now let's see,” I mumble before picking up my phone and turning on the small LED light next to the camera.

I then started to silently read and learned that my suspicions were correct. It's a script or a letter with the aforementioned “speech” on top and a few extra notes scribbled at the bottom with a name repeatedly mentioned between them.

The name Gengar comes up quite often.

“Who is this Gengar guy? Is he part of your little cult?” I ask while looking back at her.

She quickly scoffs. “We aren’t a cult. We are a group of like-minded Pokemon. Aware of the chaos persisting in this world thanks to the old gods. All we want is too…” I quickly stopped her.

“Yeah, yeah I heard that a million times now. Cults don’t like to be called cults because it puts them in a bad light. So who is this Gengar guy?” I ask again.

“He's…no one important. Just someone who has been trying to outdo me within the group.” She replies with restrained annoyance hidden underneath her voice.

“So a rival then? Cool. Explain the aggressive comments then.” I mumble before crumbling the letter.

“No wait, STOP. I need that!” She suddenly shouts before jumping forward and snatching the piece of paper away from me with her paw.

I swear I didn’t flinch.

“I need this, do you have any idea how hard it can be to write without fingers?” She states as she desperately tries to unfurl the paper on the ground.

It was then that the door to my room suddenly burst open.

“HAH! I KNEW IT!” Lilith calls out as she stands there. Head lowered, ready to dance, and with sparks arcing through her mane and fur.

She looks absolutely ready to fry someone, and that someone happens to be Jessica who immediately “eeps” when she saw her before falling flat onto her back. Dropping the letter or script in the process.

“YOU! I finally caught you. After many weeks of reported break-ins and many hours trying to catch you in the act I finally have you. And now…”She is charging up.”…I’m gonna give you the zapping of a lifetime for making me look like a fool these past few weeks. I take security and break-ins very. SERIOUSLY. ” She announces charging up for one massive discharge…in MY FUCKING ROOM. My phone is here.

“EH, EH, EH LILITH not in my room. Take your little acupuncture session with Jessica outside. I don’t want you breaking any of my stuff. Even if it's not much.” I call in, trying to prevent a murder from happening inside my room. Not to mention Hector. He already gets aggressive if someone just spills their drink onto the floor, imagine what will happen if he has to sweep off someone’s body parts.

Well, it definitely won't be pretty. I can tell you that much.   

“My name is NOT Jessica.” Jessica suddenly calls out, momentarily forgetting her predicament. Plus she is still lying on her back.

“Don’t worry. Nothing here is going to get fried except her.” Lilith states without ever breaking eye contact with her.            

“Lilith, stop it. Not in here.” I repeat sternly.

“Yeah, please not in here. What If something catches fire? Everything here is made of wood.” Jessica also chimes in. Finally remembered her predicament.

“YOU be quiet! First I’m going to zap you and then you are going to tell me HOW in Arceus's name are you getting in here without anyone knowing. I’m the one who even locks the doors and windows damn it.” She retorts.

“Uh, Lilith?” I ask.

“What?” She replies, looking at me for the first time.

“Don’t you think you are going about this the wrong way? You’re supposed to ask questions first and then zap her later. That’s how it usually works.” I point out. A very valid pointing out indeed and one Jessica seems to agree with.

“Ye-yes. That sounds a lot better. We-we should do that, yes.” She replies, nodding her head.

“Grr FINE!” Lillith agrees before finally calming down.

“Good, now can you please take her away so that I can…”

“OK, spill it. How do you keep getting in when the doors and windows are locked?” Lilith swiftly asks, cutting me off completely.

All I want to do is sleep.

“I…I get in through his wi-window over there. “She points a paw at the window behind me. “It… it's always unlocked.” She replies which makes my eyes go wide.

“Wait what?” I comment before checking the window behind me to see if it is locked or not. It isn’t which explains a lot now, and it distributes me. What else has been getting into my room? I always lock my door -ironically enough- whenever I leave to start the day…which Lilith now broke but that is not the center of the issues here. What is the issue is my own negligence, and who or whatever else has been getting into my room? Especially whenever I sleep.

THAT truly disturbs me.   

“Wait, you're serious?” Lilith eventually asks, looking quite stunned.

“I mean yeah. I even leave it open sometimes just to air out my room. The air can get pretty dusty at times.” I admit while still wrestling with the idea of Pokemon’s just climbing in here to watch me sleep.

I think I should…board up this window now. To keep shit like this from happening.

“Ugh for the love of…”Lilith sighs before facepalming.

 “So…can I leave now?” Jessica asks, after a couple of moments of silence.

“What? NO! I still want to know who you are, who are you working for, and what your deal with Melvin is over there. So, keep talking.” Lilith demands, returning to her aggressive posture.

Jessica “eeps” a second time while covering her face with her front paws while still lying flat on her back.

Maybe I should have been this strict with her as well. Seems to be doing wonders it seems.

“I…I work for no one…I…I just follow my beliefs while trying to gain favor with our leader. Please don’t hurt me, I never had any ill intentions I promise.” She pleads while still protecting her face while the rest of her body is fully exposed.

Hind legs spread and everything. Great. But I really shouldn’t judge too much given the fact that I am clearly dumb enough to not lock my windows. Well, lesson learned I suppose.

“Hey, what’s with all of the noise?” A new voice suddenly appears as a very familiar-looking Pokemon peeks his star-shaped head into my room.

It is none other than Jirachi, our local astronomer, and lore nerd. Well more of an “it” than “he”, because mythical Pokemon’s like himself don’t really have a gender technically speaking. But he doesn’t mind being referred to as a ‘he’ because that’s what most Pokemon refer to him as by default for some reason. So over the many MANY years it just kinda stuck with him.

Oh, and he usually sleeps during the day. So seeing him active at this hour is quite normal for him. He even patrols the halls at night whenever he is bored. Or rather that’s what he once told me. Other than that we barely talked to one another for very obvious reasons.

So getting the chance to talk to him would be nice if it wasn’t at an ungodly hour with a cultist cowering in fear with her hind legs spread, an electric hound ready to pounce, and a sleep-deprived human who looks ready to pass out at any moment. A.K.A me. With him now entering the scene as well I can kiss my chances of going back to sleep goodbye, along with what little sense of hope I had left for the day.

If I die due to a caffeine overdose then I am going to blame EVERYONE in this room here. Including Star head over there. Who is busy just scratching his head with his tiny baby-sized hand.

Immortal bastard.

“The noise is thanks to her. This is the Pokémon who keeps breaking in despite my best efforts. I was about to fry her fur off before you showed up. She is a member of one of those nutjobs that live in the forests nearby. One of those cults.” Lilith explains without yet again breaking eye contact.

“I see.” Jirachi replies while rubbing his nonexistent chin. “Well how does she get in here then?” He then asks looking back at her.  

“Well, through Melvin’s window apparently. Because he never bothered to lock it.” She explains while glaring at me. A look I returned in kind.

“Hey, I don’t lock my windows either. I prefer to keep them open so that I can move my telescope around if need be.” Jirachi points out, trying to defend my own negligence most likely.

A bit too late for that.

“Well, yeah but your observatory is up on a tower. Erected far above the rest of the guild. So most Pokémon that aren’t flying types can’t reach it. So there is almost no danger there.” She points out herself while looking over her shoulder.

Jirachi just shrugs. “Anyway, what do you want to do with her?” He asks as I notice Jessica slowly getting up on all fours, to my mild curiosity.

“Well…” Lilith began as she turned her head back before noticing that she standing on all fours while in the process of pulling something out of her cloak. She then threw it onto the ground, followed by a large plume of smoke which quickly fills the entire room. Taking everybody, me included, by surprise.

“Gotta get out GOTTA GET OUT!” Jessica screams before suddenly jumping onto my bed next to me and opening the window behind me and escaping.

Leaving me coughing and mildly irritated.

“HEY GET BACK HERE!” I then hear Lilith scream before quickly emerging from the smoke cloud in front of me. Jumping onto my bed just like her before disappearing through the same window to give chase.

Turning my mild irritation to full-blown annoyance as I look at the paw imprints on my bed. I hope those paws were at least clean.

*Cough, cough* “I should probably follow her in case she needs help or something. Just make sure to close your window once the smoke settles alright?” Jirachi states before he flies off after them. Leaving me and my now smoke-filled room behind.

“Finally…” I sigh. “I can now get back to sleep then,” I mutter as a gentle breeze is blowing through the open window behind me and pushing some of the smoke out through the open doorway in front of me.

I shrug. “Eh…I’m too tired to care about it now. I’ll just leave the window open for now so that I don’t suffocate. I’ll clean up the mess once the sun comes up. But for now… “I yawn before lying back down.  “…I’ll just head back to bed. I still have a lot of work ahead of me.” I mumble to myself before I notice something on the floor.

It is her letter. Forgotten and abandoned while still half crumbled.

“Huh.” I slowly get back. I should probably keep this. Have another closer look at it in the morning whenever I have the time. Might have a little bit more information on it. I think to myself as I place it in a drawer underneath my nightstand before lying back down. Pulling up my blanket before rolling onto my side and closing my eyes.

Sleep happened almost immediately.

Chapter Text

“…So your team name will be Team Rock Hounds correct?” I ask while looking up from my papers.

The Rockruff nods. “That’s correct. Me and my friend spent all night trying to think of that. Pretty clever huh?” He replies looking quite proud.

“Yeah,” I reply. “Very clever indeed,” I add dismissively before writing it down.

“Alright, you two are now registered as Team Rock Hounds. Congratulations.” I declare before stamping their papers.

“Sweet!” Rockruff declares with his tail wagging.

“So…what now?” His Houndour friend asks.

“Now you need to take these papers over to the Guildmasters office and present them to her. She will give you a formal welcome into the guild and provide you with your first starter kit. Normally this would be my job too but…she doesn’t trust me with it, and neither do I.” I explain before handing them their papers.

“Thanks.” His Rockruff friend replies before taking the papers with his mouth.

I slightly cringe in disgust.  

“Come on let's go.” He calls out with his mouth full.

“Yeah!” His friend replies all eagerly.

“TEAM ROCK HOUNDS AWAY!” They both shout before speeding off. Another job well done and another begins. Gotta put them down in my log book before going back to filing and stamping mission fliers. I mean someone has to organize them, and that person is me obviously. Because no one wants to. Even Lydia.

Though come to think of it, I don’t see her do much. Just walking to and from her office a couple of times each day before clocking off for the night. But to be fair, I never bothered to ask. Plus I only ever visit her when the week is over to collect my paycheck. It's somewhat of a sweet deal. Food and comfort are provided for free and I get to sit behind a desk all day with a decent salary.

At least for Pokémon standards.

Certainly, a lot better than the last Job I had back home. Just sitting at a motel at the edge of town.

Though I do miss the quiet life, and the relative safety it provided…for the most part.

Here, shit just goes crazy. Besides the odd disaster here and there, I also get the chance of meeting some colorful individuals, quite literally in fact, with both good and bad.

Like that one Lucario that tried to kill me because he called me an eldritch spawn and the cause of all of those disasters.

His use of language was also quite “colorful”. But that’s neither here nor there.

Though back on the topic of disasters. I just realized.

I might have forgotten to mention this, but a lot of weird shit has been happening around me lately. Excluding the whole cult thing and murderous hobos of course. Like this Pencil for example. From the top down it might look normal at first glance, but if you look down along the surface of the desk you can see that is it slightly hovering above the desk. I can poke it which makes it spin and wobble like it's swimming above some invisible water. But if I pick it up and place it back down its suddenly back to normal. Resting above the desk like a normal pencil.

And that is not the only example, there are many. Like a chair clipping halfway through the floor. Water from the faucet flowing upwards instead of down, or maybe that one time when I found a rift through time and space suddenly appear behind my bedroom door.

At first, I thought those were just part of this world's weird physics, or some nearby Pokemon just fucking with me. But now? 

On hindsight, I probably should have told Lydia about this the moment I found that rift opening and closing behind my door. But again I just chucked it off to some psychic doing some psychic things or “Jessica” trying something new to get into my room. (Because I keep my windows locked now)

I'm going to tell Lydia the next time I see her…if I can remember that is.

“Dear Arceus we are finally back.” Snow exclaims as she suddenly comes busting through the front doors. Pushing the doors open much harder than she should.

I see she still struggles with the idea of opening a door “gently”. How someone can struggle with such a simple concept I have no idea. But hey, at least I am not the one responsible for readjusting those hinges. So I guess it doesn’t matter.

Minus the sudden *bang* sound coming from the door.

“UUUUURGH!” I sigh loudly before pushing the stack of fliers I was about to work on back to their respective corner of my desk. Or to be more specific, the left side, where at least two more stacks are waiting for me. A fourth of them being new wanted posters.  

This town really needs a large police force.

“Hey, Snow.” I casually greet her.

“Hey, Melvin!” She greets me back with a lot more enthusiasm though.

“How was the last mission?” I ask, out of courtesy than anything else.

She smiles. “Oh you know, besides the long arduous journey to and from Mount Buzz it was actually pretty easy. We just had to beat down a small group of Yanma’s before we rescued our client. It was basically a walk in the park, minus the initial scuffle.” She explains while rubbing the back of her neck.

I nod. “Cool, so you're just here to turn in another successful mission then?” I ask, again out of courtesy.

Because I already know the bloody answer.

She nods (what a surprise) “Yup right here.” She states before handing or “pawing” me her mission flier.

I take it, read its content and description before giving it a “mission complete” stamp. Sometimes this job makes me feel like that one guy from the “Papers Please” game. The only difference is that I am stamping documents, info forms, and half a dozen fliers instead of passports and that the terrorists and revolutionaries are replaced by cultists and crazy nut jobs who want to kill me for being an eldritch spawn.

Totally a relatable experience.

“Alright, all done. I’ll make sure your rewards will be sent to your bank and storage,” I announce before just stashing it into a drawer next to me. To be sorted out later.

She smiles. “Thanks.” She replies while wagging her tail. I would call it cute if I hadn’t seen this reaction a thousand times by now. Apparently, they are unaware of this when I ask Lenne about it this one time before quickly excusing myself at the guise that I was suffering from Diarrhea.

Disgusting I know, but that was the first thought I had at the time. At least it worked.

“Say, where is the angry Gremlin?” I ask.

“You mean Mat? Oh, he is actually still outside somewhere. I wonder what’s taking him so long.” She wonders while looking over her shoulder.

“Eh I am sure he is busy murdering someone for accidentally calling him a girl again. Happens sometimes.” I reply dismissively before grabbing and opening up my logbook.

“What are you doing?” She asks, completely Ignoring my comment.

“Doing the new addition to my job. Keeping a list of every Pokémon who wanders in her. Both name and species. Thanks to some reason “break-ins” and the increasing number of crazy people both Lilith and Lydia came up with the idea that the guild now requires a daily login of every Pokémon who comes and goes. If you want to know more than you need to ask Lilith because I am certainly not going to spend the next ten to twenty minutes just to explain the fine details to you. So again, go ask her.” I explain before writing down her name and species along with the time and date.

Because I am in fact “efficient”, even though neither Thunder Dog nor Playboy Icon told me to do so.

I just know it will help, thanks to my previous job as a receptionist at a Motel.  Where I was mostly occupying the night shifts. Because no one wanted to. So I wasn’t exactly fighting tooth and nail to get that position. I only accepted it because it paid well, plus it was also the only choice I had at the time. Which is eerily similar to what I have now. I only got this job because most Pokémon find it boring, which is fine by me.

I like it boring, keeps the unnecessary excitements and nonsense of this world away from me. Relatively speaking.

“BLOODY ASSHOLE!” I suddenly hear someone shout, who I immediately recognize as the angry little Gremlin I mentioned earlier.

See this is what I mean by “relatively speaking”.

He even draws everyone’s attention with the lobby. Thanks to his outburst.

He comes in, with a very serious-looking scuff mark on his left cheek.

“Uh…Mat what happened?” Snow asks as she turns around to face him.

“Angry Gremlin, Pink Fox, 2:35pm,” I mumble out loud while writing it down. Earning me a quick glare from said Pink Fox as he obviously heard that.

I just give him a halfhearted wave without looking away from my logbook.

“Mat, what happened? Where did you get that scuff mark? It wasn’t there when I left you.” Snow asks.

He huffed. “Eh, nothing much. Just another idiot who thought I was a girl.” He scoffed before looking off to the side.

I knew it.

“So you attacked them then?” Snow asks with a flat and knowing look.

He quickly looks back. “Hey, that’s because he then kept teasing me when I already told him that I am not a girl. He asked for it.” He retorts with a stamp of his paw.

She sighs. “What was he even?” She asks.

“Just a Bisharp.” He mutters before looking away again.

“A Bisharp?” Snow reacts in shock. “You were picking a fight with a steel type, are you insane?” She asks while glaring at him.

He just stays silent which makes her sigh. “We really need to work on your anger issues.” She mutters to which I can agree on. Silently of course because I don’t want to get involved with this.

“The nurse's room is down the right hall. She can put some ointment on that or something.” I offer with a halfhearted flick of my thumb.

Well, I tried.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Come on Mat, let's get you patched up.” She motions before leading the way without waiting for him to respond.

Total Sigma move right there.

He just grumbles to himself before silently following her.

Good, because now I can finally…

* Rumble

I pause. “Was that thunder?” I ask out loud before looking around myself for any confirmation.

I got none. As every Pokemon I looked at seemed to be just as confused as I was, or they didn’t care. With most of them returning to whatever it was they were doing soon after.

Strange, I don’t think I’ve seen a single cloud this morning.

I once read that Castforms can predict the weather. It could be useful to have one of them working at the guild just for the weather forecasts alone, but sadly there are no Castforms living here, or down in the town to my knowledge.

But then again it doesn’t matter as I wont…

“SOMETHING IS FALLING FROM THE SKY!” I hear someone shout outside which forces me to pause yet again.

That’s two random distractions in a row.

I was about to just shrug it off as another strange incident when the ceiling above me suddenly and unexpectedly exploded. Sending bits and pieces everywhere and forcing me back onto my chair as something slammed directly against my torso, knocking me backward against the floor and almost breaking my chair.

Thankfully it's made of some very sturdy wood, but sadly I can’t say the same for my ribs.

“Ffffffuuuuck….”

“What the in the…I JUST CLEANED THIS PLACE!!!” I hear Hector shout, even through all of this noise and commotion and my dust-covered ears. His deep masculine voice is just so recognizable. Especially when he screams.

“BY THE GODS WHAT HAPPENED! WHO DID THIS WHO IS BLOODY RESPONSIBLE?!” He demands. Probably glaring at each and every Pokemon around him as we speak to see who will crack first.

I obviously can’t see that because I am currently busy being buried underneath the remains of the ceiling. 

If only someone can fucking help me and get whatever is pressing down against my chest off of me. It's difficult to breathe and hard to move. Plus my chest fucking hurts and I don’t want to accidentally make it worse. So can someone please help me?

“Melvin, Melvin are you ok?” I suddenly hear Lenne’s voice which is the last person I wanna hear right now. 

Where the fuck is Lilith? You know what, fuck it.

“Can you help me get this thing off me?” I plead, knowing that Hector won't be much use because he is currently too busy finding out who to beat up next for this mess. While the others are probably still on their way.

So it's basically Lenne or no help at all.

“Yeah of course.” She replies before removing the large piece of wallpaper covering my face. Not exactly what I had in mind but at least I can see now. Like that massive gaping hole above me. I can even see the bloody sky on the other end which shouldn’t be possible. There are at least two more floors above us, including the attic.

So whatever came through the roof had to break through with tremendous force.

How I am still alive is a bloody miracle. So I am obviously not going to question it.

But I will question LENNE.

“For fuck sake Lenne, I meant the thing on my chest. What even is it?” I ask before finally looking down at myself to find out.

At first glance, It's hard to tell. Just like me, it is completely covered in soot and debris. I can make out the faint presence of green and white fur. But other than that, I have no idea.

“Looks…like a Pokémon maybe?” Lenne asks while tilting her head.    

I groaned. “Would you please GET THIS THING OFF OF ME AND HELP ME BACK UP INSTEAD OF JUST GAWKING THERE?” I scream, my frustration easily overpowering my pain.

Her ears fell back. “Oh, uh, right. So-sorry.” She replies sheepishly before using her telekinesis to remove the offensive object off my chest and finally giving me a moment of relief. Both physically and mentally.

Well mostly mentally as breathing still hurts. But it's at least no longer restricted. 

“There.” She exclaims before placing the critter on the floor next to me. Why exactly next to me I have no idea. Just carry it outside or something. If it's dangerous then I don’t wanna have it anywhere near me.

But it seems unconscious or maybe even dead, I guess. No wait I can see it breathing from this angle. Shit, never mind then.

“What in Arceus’es name happened here?” Lilith finally shows up. Fucking finally time.

“Lilith!” I call out and quickly regretting it. Fuck it hurts, I really need to see Mary after this.

“Melvin!” Lilith calls back before quickly making her way over to me.

She quickly looks shocked and surprised.

“I am still here you know.” I hear Lenne mutter next to me but I completely ignore her. I prefer her more mature sister over her. At least she can help without making it more stressful or awkward.

I quickly reached out for her.

I cough. ”Can you please help me back up? But be careful. I think my ribs are broken.” I point out looking at her.

She nods. “Of course, I just need to…find a good leverage point. Uhm…give me a second.” She states before circling me a few times. She then tried to awkwardly place her paws underneath me and my chair but it obviously didn’t work.

She then tried to use her mouth to pull me up but I quickly forbade her because ew…

Which left her frustrated. Me included. “Lenne can you help me with this?” She asks.

Her sister smirks. “Sure but only if he asks me directly.” She replies.

Is she for real? I am fucking injured here.

“Fine!” I shout. “Lenne, can you help me back up?” I ask while fighting the urge to slap her.

She nods. “Of course I can. No problem.” She declares before using her telekinesis to pull me back upright. Chair included.

“There you go. Your welcome” Lenne declares proudly.  

I just glared at her.

This fucking girl man. I swear she is going to be the death of me. If not today then maybe in the future.

“Hey, what is that?” Lillith asks while I was busy giving her sister the stink eye.

I look where she is looking at. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. I think to myself while looking at the critter laying next to me.

I coughed and flinched. “ Fuck…I don’t know and I don’t really care either. It’s the main reason why we have a hole in the first place.” I explain while pointing at the gap above us.

“Huh.” Lilith reacts while rubbing her chin with a paw. “It kinda reminds me of a Pokémon I once read about. But can’t remember the details. Those large ears do look familiar.” She comments, more to herself than me or either her sister.

Looking back at it a third time, I do start to note its large ears. They are white and fluffy but lack any detail. Can’t tell if they are actually ears or not but I’ve honestly seen weirder representations of ears. There was this one Pokémon the other day that had literal subwoofers for ears. So really anything goes.   

“Fuck…my ribs.” I mean as breathing is starting to get a tad bit unbearable.

“What’s wrong?” Lilith asks, looking concerned.

“I think my ribs are broken. I need a doctor or see Mary perhaps. Can either of you escort me to the medical wing?” I ask with a minor wince on my face.

Lilith nods “Of course. Uhm…Lenne I think I need your help with this again.” She states while looking at her.

Lenne nods. “No problem.” She replies happily before gripping me in her sorcery and lifting me up with her mind. Normally I would be protesting this but today I’ll make an exception for obvious reasons. At least she is gripping the chair instead of me. Because the last time she tried this ended with some weird and funky side effects (and the loss of my lunch)

She just couldn’t find a good grip on me for whatever reason. Spinning in the air uncontrollably while she was trying to find this “grip”

But that is a story for another day. Which means never.

“Cool, you go ahead then while I go pick up our mystery mon and follow you shortly. Just remember to lower him when going through doorways.” Lilith comments as I get carried away.

I was about to say that myself.

Lenne huffed. “Lilith I’m not a child. So why did you feel the need to tell me tha…” She was about to say before my head clipped the top of the archway leading out of the lobby.

I screamed. “MOTHERFUC….”

Chapter Text

“AUGGHHH! BE CAREFUL!!” I scream as Mary is wrapping up my torso with bandages. Far too rough, and far too tightly in my opinion!

“Oh don’t be such a baby.” She comments back. “This is necessary to keep you from moving your torso too much.” She explains while pulling hard on one of the bandages and forcing me to grit my teeth.

“For the love of…you're a nurse. Aren’t you supposed to be more gentle?” I ask glaring at her.

“I am, you're just being overly dramatic that’s all.” She replies.

“Dramatic? I have broken ribs and you're telling me that I am being overly DRAMATIC?!” I shout before wincing and looking away in anger.

I can’t believe this shit.

That’s when the door to my left suddenly opens. “Hey, how are you feeling?” Lydia asks as she suddenly enters the room alongside Jirachi.

About fucking time. Where the hell had she been?

“Hey-AUGH! Would you STOP THAT?!” I complain.

“They're done. That should keep your torso nice and straight to prevent you from making it any worse.” Mary announces with a sigh.

“Wait, that’s it?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“For the time being, yeah. Healing Pulse doesn’t have the same effect on you compared to other Pokémon. So it's going to take a bit more time for you to heal naturally. Plus I have another patient to check on first.” She states while looking at said patient currently occupying the bed next to me.

The so-called “Mystery Pokémon” who landed on me earlier today.  

Pff, typical. I think to myself before slowly leaning back and making myself comfortable. Well as comfortable as someone with a busted-up ribcage can be but I can manage.

Breathing still hurts though.

“I’d imagine you brought him here to help identify who this Pokémon is?” I ask while pointing at the green and white thing next to me.

She nods. “Well yeah, we need to know who or what our mystery guest is after all. Oh and again sorry for waking you up like this.” She apologized while looking at Star Head next to her.

He yawns. “Eh, it's fine. It's an emergency after all.” He replies. Yeah, he's a really heavy sleeper. A nuclear bomb could be going off right next to him and he'll still be catching Z’s. Only Lydia knows how to wake the fucker up for some reason. Or at least that’s what Lilith once told me completely out of the blue.

I never even asked about it.

“So, either way. How are you feeling?” She then asks, looking at my bandaged torso with a strangely concerned look.

“Like shit obviously. But I’ll manage. At least it doesn’t feel as bad when I accidentally broke both my left leg and my right arm after falling down a set of stairs because someone spilled melted butter onto the floor. Now THAT was a painful ordeal.” I explain, remembering that one specific accident really well.

Because it involved one of my cousins, but that is a story for another time.

She nods. “Interesting…side story but I am glad to know that you aren’t seriously injured at least. That…would have been terrible. Also, I’m…sorry for not having arrived sooner. I was actually down at the market when the incident occurred. Again, I am so sorry.” She apologized, looking genuinely sorry for what happened.

“It's fine, shit happens sometimes,” I assured her. Knowing full well that she can’t be everywhere at once. She has her own life after all.

“You know.” Jirachi began. “Maybe your injuries might have been avoided if you worked out a bit. You look quite skinny and fragile without your shirt on.” He casually points out.

“Well, thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious.” I retort while giving him the middle finger. A gesture completely lost to his million-year-old mind. How precious!

“You know he's right. You could at least do some indoor exercises if going outside isn’t an option.” Lydia then points out while crossing her luscious fur-covered arms.

“Well, I COULD if there wasn’t so much paperwork waiting for me each day. Like seriously, how did you manage to run this guild before I even got here? Did anyone even bother?” I ask.

“Well…”She starts. “ I used to. But I wasn’t particularly good at it. A lot of it just got lost, ignored, or even forgotten. In the end, I just gave up and spread that task among the oldest members of the guild. Many weren’t particularly happy with that.” She confesses while rubbing the back of her head with an awkward smile.

“Seriously?” I ask slightly dumbfounded. She nods which quickly makes it worse.

She is the fucking boss of an organization and she is incompetent when it comes to doing paperwork? This is unheard of.

She quickly perks up. “But hey, thanks to you we now have access to more information than we've ever had before. Not to mention a clean and well-organized assortment of requests and wanted fliers. So your work here has been of great value to all of us.” She happily states. Completely pushing aside her failures on this particular subject.

I let it slide, but only because she is my boss, and the fact that she can easily pile drive me into the dirt if she wanted to.

Jirachi yawns. “ Anyway, Papers aside, where is this mystery Pokémon you keep talking about? I really need to go back to sleep.” He asks with his eyes barely staying open.

I just point at the bed next to me where Mary is busy doing…something. As I watch him slowly turn his head, squints for a second, before slowly flying closer and squinting again. Keeping that stare for a couple of moments which made him look like a total creep.

No wonder he is single. That, or the fact that he just easily outlives any potential partner he can find. Poor little sucker.

He then blinks before shaking his head a bit and blinking a second time. Quickly sporting a look of confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Lydia asks.

“Ok…this is a bit strange but…uhm…I think it's a Shaymin?” He replies, which sounded more like a question than a confirmation.

I thought this guy was smart.  

“So, this is a Shaymin then.” Lydia reacts. “I think I’ve heard of them before. Though I can’t recall the details sadly. But why do you seem so confused?” She asks, tilting her head.

He looks at her. Looking a bit more lively now than he was just a moment ago. “Well…”He began.” It looks a bit strange. I mean it’s a Shaymin, no doubt about that, at least in outward appearance. But there is just something odd about it. Like, it looks like a girl for example, even though I know Shaymin’s are supposed to be genderless. I mean, she is a girl, right? He asks while looking at Mary.

She nods. “Yeah, she is. I checked” She confirms making him look even more confused.

“Well uhm…” He mumbles while scratching his head. “I guess we have to wait for her to wake up then if we want to learn more about her. In the meantime…” He comments before giving off a yawn. “…I guess I’ll just head back to bed.” He states before excusing himself.

“Thanks for your help Jirachi,” Lydia calls out as he leaves the room. Only to be replaced by an onslaught of new visitors passing through the door. Lilith, Lenne, and even Hilda. Quite surprising to see her here, as she rarely shows herself outside her kitchen. No Hector though. But I guess he is far too busy cleaning up the mess back at the lobby to really visit us.

There is even Team Frostbite. Overall, an entire horde of furries just to see us.

“Hey!” Lilith greets us as she trots forward. Stopping at the side of my bed while giving me an empathetic smile. “How are you hanging in there?” She asks.

“Eh, been better. Breathing hurts a bit though.” I reply.

“That’s great. Nothing too serious I presume?” She asks again.

This time I just shook my head.  

“Oh and uh…sorry about your head.” Lenne awkwardly apologizes while rubbing the back of her head.

I just glared at her for a couple of seconds before touching the bump on my forehead. It still stings but not as much as before. That ointment Mary gave me does work wonders. Sadly, it doesn’t work for my chest.

That must heal on its own with the medicine Mary gave me. I already forgot the details but I do remember her telling me that it should help my body to mend the damage all on its own.

In other words, some weird alchemist magic potion shit that somehow works better than the rudimentary drugs back in my world.

I’m not going to question it, or complain about it as long as it does its job. Or poison me, whichever comes first.

“Hey, who’s that?” Mat asks while looking at the bed next to me.

“That’s the Pokemon responsible for nearly crushing me,” I casually replied.

He perks up. “Wait, you mean the one that crashed through the roof?” He again asks.

Lydia nods as she takes over. “Yes, though what happened to her is still a mystery. I just hope she is ok. Is she?” Lydia asks while looking at Mary.

She nods. “Physically speaking she seems fine. No lacerations, swellings, or bleeding. Heart rate also seems fine for now. She is simply unconscious. But we have to wait and see just to be sure.” She explains which made Lydia sigh.

“Well, that’s good.” She comments.

“Ok but what is she?” Mat again asks.  

 “Oh, she’s a Shaymin, according to Jirachi.” She replies.

This gets everyone’s attention.

“Wait a Shaymin, really?” Snow calls out. “I always wanted to meet a Shaymin. I read so much about them.” She announces before quickly joining Mary’s side to have a closer look at her.

Mat just rolls his eyes before slowly joining her. Followed by Lilith and even Hilda as they clamber around this brand-new oddity of the day and completely forgetting about me.

I should be upset, but honestly, I don’t mind. It’s nice to not be the focal point for once. It’s quite refreshing honestly. Makes me yearn for the days when I was just an Average Joe in a sea of Average Joe's.

No cults, no end-of-the-world bullshit every month, and no fanatic nutjobs trying to murder me for simply “existing” Boring but safe. Just the way I like it.

“Sooo….” Lenne's voice suddenly echoes next to me. Making me flinch.

“AUGH…FUCK!” I cry out. “Why are you here next to me? Don’t you want to look at the new mythic Pokémon like everyone else?” I ask, glaring at her.

“Nah.” She shook her head. “Not interested. The only mythic I’m interested in is right here in front of me.” She declares with a smirk.

I am quickly regretted my choices. “Uh…HELLO, I’M ALSO STILL HERE YOU KNOW!” I call out, hoping that at least one of them turns back around so that I don’t have to be alone with this crazy pink menace.

Alas, no luck, as the lure of a shiny new mystery is far too strong for them. Just like what happened to me. Where I was the center of attention of pretty much everyone for at least a month. Especially from Lenne. The amount of stalking I had to endure the first few weeks from her alongside the constant barrage of questions and harassment was downright maddening. And not to mention “The Potion Incident” where she single-handedly upgraded her status from an annoying fangirl to a total creep. She did apologize afterward, but for me, that little incident was simply the tipping point. Now I just make sure that my jimmies are wrapped tightly around my waist whenever she enters the room.

Which I am doing right now underneath my blanket without even thinking about it.

Knowing that there is no way out of this (primarily because of my injury) I sigh with a slight wince. “Fine…what do you want?” I ask, surrendering to my fate.

“Oh, nothing much.” She states before levitating a pen and a large notebook in front of her. “Just feel like it’s a perfect opportunity to ask more questions.” She adds with a large grin on her muzzle.

I glared at her. “So, no hidden agendas this time involving a potion?” I ask.

Her grin fades. “For the love of…will you stop bringing that up?” She asks.

“No,” I reply, much to her annoyance. By puffing up her cheeks in a childish manner.

Isn’t she supposed to be in her early twenties?  I ask myself. Feeling completely unimpressed by her behavior.

“Anyway, I already told you pretty much everything about humans. Ou physiology, history, different examples of cultures, and what technologies we’ve developed, and NO you can NOT have my phone. It is the only thing I have that reminds me of home. So, stop asking.” I reply with a stern tone.

She shook her head. “Don’t worry. Not gonna ask about that, though I wouldn’t mind if you change your mind though.” She states which earned her a glare, which she ignores. “Anyway, I just wanted to know more about your home specifically. Like where you lived and how life was for you in the human world.” She explains, which is certainly something I wasn’t expecting until I realized…

Wait, no one has really bothered to ask me about myself. I think to myself as this realization hits me.

Everybody only saw me as this “living myth turned real” alongside the adoration or even spite of others. Like those damn cults that think I'm a god or the other group that thinks that I am an eldritch abomination from another dimension (which is technically right) that needs to be killed.

Either one or the other, but never has anyone ever asked me about…well ME. Which is…kinda shocking actually and a bit ridiculous to think that it is Lenne of all people to first ask me this.

I’m not sure if I should be feeling grateful over this or simply annoyed. I’ll take the former, simply because I want to safeguard what little sanity I have left. Plus, I am curious. This might be the break I was looking for. Spearheaded by LENNE of all people. Plus, she might finally leave me be once she knows what my background is.

It's worth a shot.

“Alright, what do you want to know first?” I finally ask.

“Well, how about we just start with something simple? Like where did you live?” She asks before opening up her notebook with her pen floating right next to it.

“In a town located in southwestern Germany,” I reply.

She quickly begins to write that down. “Wait…Germany. Isn’t that one of those like “countries” you mentioned last time?” She asks.

I nod. “Yeah, it's one of those.” I casually reply.

“Then what is this"Germany "? Does it have its own history and culture?” She again asks before looking up from her notebook.

“Yes, almost every country does, including its own language,” I explain, which makes her ears perk up.

“Oh yeah I remember, you also told me that humans speak more than just one language right? That is so interesting. Can you speak another language?” She asks curiously.

“Yes. Deutsch ist schließlich meine Muttersprache (German is my first language after all).” I reply as a quick demonstration.

Her eyes light up. “Ooooh. I have no idea what you just said but I am going to try and write that down regardless.” She states while doing just that and probably failing miserably.

“Give me that,” I call out while snatching the pen and notebook away from her.

“He-hey.” She reacts.

“Let me do it.” I offer before writing it down, translation included.

“Here.” I give it back to her.

She took it. “Oh, so that’s what it means.” She comments, her tail wagging back and forth.

“I wonder…” She starts while tapping her chin with her pen. “Can you maybe teach? Your language that is?” She asks.

“Why?” I raise an eyebrow. “Why the hell do you want me to teach you? Teaching you German will have zero benefits to you since no one in this world can understand it. It's just a waste of time.” I point out.

“Maybe, but you could help to introduce a brand-new language into this world by teaching it. And then BOOM!” She exclaims by throwing her front paws up. “We'll have a brand-new language. One originating from the human world no less. Wouldn’t that be exciting?” She asks, her eyes sparkling with glee.    

There she goes again. Fangirling over everything related to Humans. Now if she can keep her more “lustrous” side down…for the rest of her life, that would be great. That, and just bugging me in general.

“Hey what are you two talking about?” Lilith suddenly joins in.

“Oh, nothing much. Just me entertaining the idea of learning a language, that’s all.” She states almost innocently.

“A new language?” She raises an eyebrow. “What language?”

“Well, a Human language specifically. I was asking Melvin about his personal life, like where he used to live and so on, and in the end, he told me that he can speak another language. So I was simply wondering If he can maybe teach me how to speak it.” She explains with her tail slowly going back and forth.

“Uhm….” She pauses. “Why though?” Lilith asks.

“Why? Why not?” Lenne counters.

“Well yes, why not?” Lydia suddenly joins in.

Oh great, are they finally done frothing over the new guy? I think to myself as I look to my left to confirm my hypothesis.

And I was right, the gang is back. Back to giving me their full attention. Minus Mary of course because she still has to do…whatever she has to do to this Shaymin girl. Probably using that Healing Pulse thing.      

 “I in my opinion would love to know more about his personal life back in the human world…if that’s ok that is.” She asks.

“Why, why are you suddenly so interested in knowing me better when you had the chance to maybe ask me from the very start? The only thing I am to you all is a “myth turned real”. No one bothered to ever ask me about me and my life, and now all of the sudden you do. After many months. What the FUCK?!” I call out, feeling genuinely pissed.

I mean sure, I am still quite thankful for their generosity and deeds, for accepting me as one of their own and even giving me a place to stay from the very start. But still, no one ever bothered to ask me about my life, what my interests are, which pair of socks I like to use ect. But then again…

My anger subsided.

…I also kept myself fairly distant. Thanks to my anxieties for being the only human in this freaking world. A world filled with magical talking animals that can kill me with a single thought. 

Fuck, now I feel depressed again. Which is nothing new for me. Having never achieved a career or anything for that matter can do that to a man. That, and the burdens of being an asshole.

I quickly blinked once I realized that everyone was still staring at me despite my long pause.

Well, time to just brush it off like I always do . I think to myself as I go ahead and do just that.

”Uhm, you know what, never mind. If you all really want to learn more about my personal life now then that’s fine I guess. I am currently bedridden away so it's not like I have anything better to do.” I announce to helpfully just sweep my previous outburst under the rug.

Well, knowing my luck with situations like these you can guess what happened.

Did it work? FUCK NO of course NOT.

“Your…your right I never bothered to get to know you better since I found you and I am…sorry. I should have made more of an effort to be more of a friend to you from the start and not just be ‘your boss’ as you keep calling me. Again, I am sorry.” Lydia confessed, looking a bit sad.

Well, shit. Now I have to be reasonable, I guess. I think to myself while also kicking myself mentally.

“No, no, it's fine. Part of that is also my fault. I never bothered to socialize and kept myself distant from everyone around me because of my own anxieties from being the only human in this world.” I explain.

This suddenly got her thinking. “I may have an idea then.” She openly ponders before nodding to herself. “Yeah, I think this could work.” She announces.

“Work what?” Lilith asks.

“A field trip,” Lydia replies, which certainly gets everybody's attention.

“A trip?” Snow asks next to her.

“Yes, what better way for Melvin to work through his barriers and to experience our world and its Pokémon than via a field trip. Plus we can also finally get to know each other more properly along the way. What do you say?” Lydia asks while smiling at me.  

Well, this is new. “A field trip?” I respond. “But what about those idiots who either want to capture me or kill me? I’m an open target out there.” I point out.

“Oh don’t worry.” Lilith suddenly steps up. “With me by your side, nothing will touch you. I’ve kept you safe so far, haven't I? I mean remember that Lucario?” She asks with a smirk.

“Oh yeah him,” I replied. How can I forget him ? The anthropomorphic dog that tried to kill me but got thwarted by Liliths quick arrival and my hardwood desk tanking his first attack. I knew that thing was worth its gold. Literally, because besides my costume-made bed, my desk was also something I had custom-made for a lot of money. The wood was imported I think, made of a very rare tree type whose wood is as tough as a rock but also as flexible as bamboo. I forgot what it's called but at this point, who cares? It did its job and that’s what matters.

Now I just need to re-contact the same carpenter who ordered it for me so that he can maybe work those dents out. Or at least not make them as noticeable as they are now. I prefer my desk to look both aesthetically pleasing and functional and to be ready for whatever hot head wants to kill me next.

“Plus...” Lydia announces, kicking me out of my train of thought. “… we're not going anywhere dangerous. We are just going on a simple field trip. We'll be following the roads and see where they take us. Should be simple and relaxing.” She states with a smile.

“Oh wait, can we maybe come along as well?” Snow suddenly asks while looking up at her.

“I see why not. The more the merrier. Plus a bit of typing diversity would be useful in case we do get in trouble somehow. Just a cautionary idea, not saying something is going to happen or anything.” Lydia quickly clarifies, probably for my sake.

I begin to think. Should I really accept this? I mean I don’t mind resuming my status quo even though I just complained about it openly. But going outside just this once doesn’t sound so bad either. It would give me something else to look at AND allow me the perfect opportunity to use my new “outdoor clothing” I got from Isabella. I paid for it so I might as well use it. Just to make sure it actually fucking fits. Yeah, I’ve never gotten around to actually doing that funny enough. I just picked them up, looked at them, and then placed them inside my closet alongside the rest of my clothing. Which are just Pajamas. Now they stick out like a sore thumb in there, just like me now that I think about it. Oh wait, what was the topic again?” I mentally ask myself before shaking my head to get my head straight.

Lydia quickly looks disappointed. “Oh, so you're not interested? She asks.

“What? No, I was just getting some thoughts out.” I quickly clarify before getting back on topic. “But to answer your question…uhm…sure I guess?” I replied which sounded more like a question than a solid answer. Because it is! I am not a hundred percent sold on the idea just yet but I had to say something.

She quickly smiles. “Great, in that case, I need to make some preparations first. Look into my schedules, and gather some ideas and resources. We can all just view this as a mini vacation for all of us. Ooh this is going to be great.” She announces happily while clapping her hands together.

“Yeah, I guess it could be fun.” Lilith chimes in.

Lenne nods. “I agree, just imagine how much time we can spend together.” She announces before suddenly hugging me.

“AUGGHHH! LENNE FUCK OFF!” I hissed before pushing her off.

“Oops…sorry, forgot about that.” She apologizes with an awkward smile.

“Anyway, let you rest now. I will give you all a notice once the date for our little outing has been set. Until then I wish you a swift recovery, Melvin. Oh and do try to be more sociable to other Pokémon not just us.” She openly suggests before finally leaving the room.

“Wait, what about the letter from Jessica I gave yo…ah never mind.” I waved it off.

Jessica is going to find another way to bug me in the middle of the night. I am sure of it. If she does well, I’ll have a lot of questions prepared for her, and some bondage.

“Anyway, I think I’ll leave too. Hope you recover quickly, oh and don’t try to get crushed again by another Pokémon ok?” Lilith states with a cheeky smile.

I frown. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I reply before I watch her leave.

Leaving me with Lenne, Snow, and the Angry little Gremlin.

“Why do you want to go? This whole trip idea sounds kinda boring.” Mat comments while looking at her, with her usual flat expression.

“It's not boring, it's relaxing. Plus I figure you might need some time to unwind. You always look so moody.” She points.

Thank you Misses Obvious.

He sighs. “You could have asked me first. But, whatever.” He replies before looking away. Like a true emo.

She pauses. “Anyway, I also wish you a good recovery. Oh and again, sorry for not being there to help as well. We could have but Nurse Mary over here was already treating Mat's injuries and I couldn’t just leave him. So…yeah.” He explains while rubbing the back of her head awkwardly.

“Uh it's fine. I am not expecting everyone to be there when something happens. It is what it is.” I waved it off.

“Yeah but still.” She nods before looking at her partner. “Don’t you want to say something?” She asks.

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, get better I guess.” He replies quietly.

Well, its better than nothing I guess.

“Uhm right.” Snow reacts. “Anyways I'll just leave you be.” She states before looking back at her partner. “Come on, let's go to the canteen.” She states causing him to perk up.

“Finally.” He blurts out making her chuckle before the two of them went out. Leaving me with no one else but Lenne.

“Uhm…I have to get back too.” A quietly soft-spoken voice suddenly states to my left which forces me to look. It's none other than Hilda of all people. I completely forgot that she is even here with how nonexistent she sometimes makes herself be by being so quiet.   

“I hope you recover quickly as well.” She gives me a small smile before swiftly excusing herself.

Well that was something. I think to myself before I quickly realize what this means. Now I am truly alone with Lenne with Mary also suddenly gone. She must have slipped out as well when I wasn’t paying attention.

“Uh…Melvin?” Lenne suddenly calls out. “I am not levitating the pen at the moment.” She points out, forcing me to look.

“Huh…” I react. It's happening again.

Chapter Text

“Ahh, it feels good to be back behind my desk. Now I can finally start working through my backlog of fliers…this should be fun” I sigh before placing down a fresh cup of joe in front of me and finally getting started.

My ribs may still be broken but really, anything is better than just staying inside the medical wing all day and having hordes of Pokémon come by to have a look at this new, rare mythical creature. I can’t even relax or take a nap with that much commotion going on in there. So I made the unwise decision to discharge myself early so that I can leave, much to Mary’s protests of course. But I’m an asshole so of course I just ignored her, plus I always get really anxious whenever the room gets full. Having so many Pokémon daily in one room without my trusty hardwood desk to shield me really gets me going.

So I made the choice to just walk out to probably regret it later. Hey, at least I am very self-aware of what I’m doing.

Like me having this deep-down desire to just work.

Fuck, since when did I become a workaholic? Must be this subconscious need to do “Something useful” in a world where I am pretty much useless in anything else.

I just hope that there is a way for me to get back home because this shit is not for me. Not this world nor the stress. I need to talk about this with Lydia again once I get the chance.

“AAAAAAAAAHH!”

I quickly pause. “The hell?” I ask myself before shrugging and returning to reviewing some of the new fliers that were brought in.

Seriously with the amount of problems that these Pokémon have on a daily basis it’s almost a miracle that their society hasn’t collapsed already. Find this, rescue this, deliver this to that, escort Pokémon from A to Z, and so on, and that’s not even bringing up the shit that’s happening every month or so. Like time suddenly stopping, a blizzard appearing in the middle of August, or the sun growing bigger for whatever reason.

Either this world is hanging by a threat or this is somehow normal. Because if that’s the case then…

“AHHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME!” someone screams as a green blur suddenly enters my field of vision before slamming directly against my desk. Specifically the right side, exactly where my coffee was.

“Son of a BITCH!” I curse as I jump out of my seat. The coffee now running down my legs and burning my skin. Before quickly I realized that my ribs were still broken. Giving me another source of pain as I sit back down. Fighting the urge to scream.

Mother fucker.

I eventually calmed down. “Alright, what the hell is going on here?” I ask while looking for the culprit.

I didn’t take long to find them.

“Ow…my head.” I watched her moan next to my right while rubbing her head with a paw. I quickly recognized her, mainly because of her color scheme and the condition she gave me. But now she looks…different. Taller and sleeker and with large white ears or antler-looking things now protruding from the sides of her head.

Her hair still looks the same, though with an added spikey design on top to…spike it up I suppose.

She eventually opens her eyes and looks at me. Her mind pauses judging by her expression as she stares at me with her eyes as wide as dinner plates.

She finally blinks. “Wa-wa- wait…your…a human?” She stutters silently. Almost a whisper.

I look at myself. “I mean DUH. Do you see anyone else? I stick out like a sore thumb here” I reply with a deadpan look.

This makes her blink a second time before suddenly shooting back up on all fours. “OH THANK HEAVEN. I THOUGHT I WAS ALL ALONE THERE FOR A SECOND. YOU-YOU GOTTA HELP ME THEN. THERE ARE TALKING POKEMON EVERYWHERE!” She shouts in complete panic.

I raise my hands. “Whoa whoa whoa their chill. I can explain everything.” I state in hopes of calming her down.

“Hey has anyone seen a Shay…oh.” Mary suddenly enters the lobby before spotting the girl in front of me.

This caused the girl to jump. “AHHH! IT'S ONE OF THEM. THE ONE WHO IS AFTER ME. PLEASE YOU GOTTA HELP ME!” She screams desperately before suddenly charging forward.

“WAIT NO NOT THE CHE…”I tried to say before she tackles me. Pushing me off my chair and onto the floor. With her landing directly onto my injured chest. The pain was unbearable. All I could do was force out a whimper as the weight of the world is now pressing against my chest,

Or at least that’s what it feels like.  

Now I am regretting my decision.

“Can someone please FUCKING help me?” I shout though it came out more as a groan with the amount of pain I am in.

“I…wait, you captured her. That’s perfect.” She exclaims while completely ignoring my own peril.

Fuck you Mary.

“Mary, get her off me please,” I call out desperately while trying to push her off myself.

“What NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE WITH THEM. STOP IT!” She protests while clinging onto my torso even harder. Even going as far as digging her claws into my bandages. Is she trying to kill me?

“HELP!” I scream, both from desperation and pain while finding it harder and harder to breathe. If I die here I’m going to haunt each and every one of these bastards. I’m going to make their lives a living hell if no one saves me from this crazy person.

“Hold on.” I hear Lenne shout. “Psychic powers ACTIVATED!” She calls out dramatically before a purple aura suddenly envelopes the white and green menace on top of me and just…lifts her off.

Well, that was easy. But at least I can breathe without running the risk of dying. You lot just saved yourself from a lot of haunting. Good job.   

“Ha, I got her.” I hear Lenne triumphantly explain while probably looking mighty proud of herself. I can’t tell from my angle because I am still laying flat against the floor…while in pain.

“For fuck sake.”

“No no NO LET ME GO! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!” The girl now levitating just above me screams while flailing her limps around in an attempt to break free. Which obviously doesn’t work. Too bad for her that now I don’t give a fuck. Lenne can just throw her out a window for all I care. She is the main reason why I’m in so much pain in the first place.

I need some painkillers.    

“ALRIGHT I’M HERE! What’s going on?” Lilith suddenly appears, right on time after everything is already said and done.

This is the second time now that she is late. Isn’t she supposed to be the fastest in the guild? What the hell happened to that?

I slowly turn my head to look at her. “Where the hell have you been?” I ask with a glare.

She tilts her head. “Down at the vault as usual. I can’t exactly leave the doors open even when there is an emergency. I have to lock them first. It's guild protocols.” She explains. “Plus…” she pauses before noting the flailing Shaymin above me and her sister holding her in place. “…you got my sister to help you as well. So I don’t know why you are still complaining.” She points out.

She isn’t wrong though. But the problem is that I’m in pain, so I don’t care. Plus I didn’t even got the chance to start on my backlog of work. What a shitty day. I should have stayed in bed to be honest.

Fuck me and my horrible decision-making skills. Those can fucking die.

“Can someone please help me back up?” I then ask while reaching out my hands to someone.

Mary sighs. “Hold on, I’ll help you back up.” She replies before grabbing my arms and pulling me back onto my feet. Gently guiding me onto my chair without making it too painful.

I cringe once my back firmly rests against the headrest. I sigh. “Ahh, much better now” I exclaim while Mary shakes her head.

“See, this is what happens if you don’t listen.” She chastises while pointing at my chest.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I should have stayed in bed until I was fully healed. I’m the poo poo brain and you’re the smart one yadiyadiyada.” I reply which earned me a quick jab to my chest.

I jumped. “YEOUCH! Why did you do that?!” I glared at her.

She looks at me flatly. “Just to prove a point.” She states before jabbing me again. “And for being a smartass.” She adds while glaring back at me.  

“YEAH, ALRIGHT I FUCKING GET IT!” I retort before leaning back and covering my face with my hands. Mumbling quietly to myself.

“You're going back with me to the medical ward and you will stay there until you're fully healed, understand?” She asks, or rather demands judging from her tone.

I nod. “Yeah, yeah,” I reply before lowering my hands.

“Good.” She nods before focusing her attention back on the girl above us. Who, at some point stopped her fruitless attempts to escape and is just staring at all of us (well specifically them) while looking absolutely terrified.

“She…is it just me or does she look…different?” Lilith asks while looking at her.

“Yeah.” Lenne chimes after realizing it herself. Tilting her head.

Mary nods. “She does. Her form suddenly changed right before she woke up. It's either an evolution or an alternate form for Shaymin’s. Which one I don’t know. Have to ask Jirachi about that.” She states while scratching her head.

“Wha-what? What are you all talking about? I’m not a Shaymin I’m a Hu….” She pauses before seeing her paws (presumingly) for the very first time.

She quickly panics. “What the…those…aren’t…my…hands. We-we-where are my HANDS?! WHAT HAPPENED?! WHY DO I HAVE PAWS INSTEAD OF HANDS?!” She screams while going crazy again. Flailing her limbs like she did before and attracted quite a crowd of onlookers.

Which obviously didn’t help. But hey, at least everybody gets to see her now. .

“Whoa there just…calm down. What are you even talking about?” Lilith asks, somewhat missing the point.

But she gets ignored so I guess it doesn’t matter.

Mary groans. “Lenne, can you help me move her back to the ward before more Pokemon start to show up?” She asks while looking at the Espeon in question.

She nods. “Sure.” She replies before moving the Shaymin around.

“WAIT NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LET ME GO PLEASE. I AM NOT A POKEMON. I AM NOT A POKEMON!!!” She shouts as she slowly gets carried away, much to everyone’s bewilderment

“What In Arceus’es name was that about?” I hear someone ask within the crowd.

“Yeah, something about not being a Pokemon? What does that mean?” Another one replies. Which is a stupid question to ask honestly.

“Poor thing. I think its still in shock after hitting its head so hard. I hope they can recover.” Somebody else pipes in which creates a few more murmurs among the crowd before they slowly start to break off one by one.

Leaving me, Mary, and Lilith to our lonesome.

“Well, that was something.” The thunder dog comments once things return to normal. Theoretically speaking of course.

“Well, you should have been there when she woke up. Screaming from the top of her lungs when I simply asked her how she was feeling. She just went completely crazy.” Mary explains before turning her attention to me. “And speaking of crazy, you're next.” She states with a flat look.

“Yeah sure,” I roll my eyes before carefully getting off my seat.

I almost stumbled. “Here I can help you stay steady.” Lilith offers before suddenly getting up on her hind legs and supporting me with her front paws to keep me steady.

Well, this looks weird. I’m sure Mary would do a much better job than her. But I won't complain. I have seen weirder shit in this place so something like this is just “normal” in comparison.

I still applaud the effort of a quadruped like her. I doubt it's easy.

“Well then, let's just get you back to the ward and this time you will stay there until your fully healed. Alright?” Mary demands before taking one of my hands to guide me along.

I just silently accept my fate and follow them back to my bed. Well, not literally my bed but you ge…What the hell? Why am I suddenly thinking like my cousin back home?

Stop that, I am not crazy like him. No, I am not. I am my own man, and no one can influence that. Heck, I am even more responsible than him. I always had a job (well shitty ones) unlike him and always pay my bills.

I’m not a freeloader like him. I am not part of that side of my family.

I….

“Hey Melvin, why did you stop?” Lilith asks while looking up at me.

I blink. “Wh-what? Oh uh…its nothing. Just spaced a bit out that’s all.” I replied before just moving along.

Shit…I guess I have to now add existential crisis-es to my list of current problems. As if I don’t have enough of those.

Fuck you, Alexander.


Fuck you.

Chapter Text

“What? Why do I have to babysit HER?” I ask in disbelief.

“Because you are the only person so far that she isn’t afraid of, or at least that’s what I heard.” Lydia points out before crossing her arms. “Plus she claims to be a human. If true, then I see no better person to keep her company than you. Or at least until she has calmed down. Don’t you want to help out your own kind?” She asks while tilting her ears a bit.

“But what about my job? I have so much paperwork to go through once I fully recover.” I point this out as well, hoping that it will change her mind somehow.

It didn’t. Instead, she sighs. “Your job as a receptionist can wait to be honest. We are talking about a little girl who is lost and confused. She even refuses to eat and drink. I fear for her health if she keeps this up. So please look after her, or at least until she has calmed down. I can even pay you for this if you need more motivation to do this. But please just talk to her.” She pleads with her ears going completely limp against the sides of her body.

I guess to make her look even sadder or something.

Well, It fucking worked. “Fine…I’ll do it,” I groaned, which caused her ears to perk up again immediately. In other words, back to their usual position.

She smiles. Great, I let Mary know then that you agreed to her proposal. Just wait here. I’ll be back.” She replies before walking out of my room.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I am inside my room. Why? Because the beds back at the ward are a bit too small for me. Something else I forgot to mention. Mary was at least lenient enough to allow me to stay here as long as I promised her that I would STAY HERE . She was very discreet with that, and now I also have to thank her for hooking me up with that green and white menace on four legs.

Thanks, Mary.

Now all I have to do is white while mentally berating myself for agreeing to the idea in the first place. I was never good with kids, especially those capable of breaking someone’s ribs. Those are just the worst.

“Melvin I’m back,” Lydia announces after a couple of minutes have passed.

I look up. “So? Where is she then?” I ask, expecting the girl next to her. Alas, I was wrong.

“Oh no no, she is currently waiting in a private room. Similar to yours in fact. Mary thought it would be better for her to stay there in her current state so she can’t cause more trouble. Something I personally don’t agree with but she insisted. Anyway, shall we get going?” She asks while cutting herself short.

I nod. “Sure.” I solemnly reply before getting up. I followed her through the guild's many crisscrossing hallways and avoiding Pokemon along the way before finally reaching the spot Lydia described where Mary was already waiting for us in front of a closed door. Probably the one holding the aforementioned Shaymin inside.

Basically, a prison in the way Lydia explained it earlier.

“Hey, Mary. How is she doing?” Lydia asks once we stopped.

The Audino sighs. “Same as yesterday I’m afraid. Still refuses to come out or eat the food I bring her. This is all my fault, I should have been a bit more patient with her from the start. Instead, I just scared her off somehow before chasing after her which just made it worse. Now she seems traumatized. Oh dear Arceus, why did I do that?” She asked herself before burying her face behind her hands. Looking quite remorseful.

Forcing Lydia to place a hand on her shoulder to comfort her while giving her a sympathetic smile. “Hey, it's ok. We all make mistakes sometimes. You were probably just a bit stressed at the time with the number of Pokémon that also needed your help. So don’t beat yourself up over this ok. We can still fix this and we will.” She exclaims before turning her attention back onto me.

“All right, are you ready to talk with her?” She asks.

I nod “Sure I guess. Let's just see if she is still willing to talk to me after I just abandoned her to you all from her perspective. Should be interesting.” I reply before reaching for the door handle and pushing it. Slowly opening the door and quietly stepping through before closing it behind me. 

Right there, on a large pile of hay in the middle of the room is the aforementioned Shaymin. Curled up in a ball and facing the window at the other end of the room.

It looks a bit sad I have to admit, that is until I look down at my bandages. Human sympathy can only go so far after all before it turns into spite.

What can I say? I am an asshole after all. Though sadly or maybe thankfully not a very good one. Because despite my disdain, I still can’t help but feel sympathy for her. 

Well time to make my presence known.

“Hello there,” I call out while bracing myself for another tackle.  

Her ears quickly perk up instead as she quickly turns around to look at me

She pauses. “It… it's you.” She exclaims with her eyes going wide.

I just shrug before carefully stepping closer while still keeping my guard up. I quickly begin to look for a chair, but besides a cupboard, some shelves, and a large closet on the right side of the room there is nothing for me to sit on. Except for another large pile of hay on the left side of the room.

Sometimes I forget just how permissive Pokémon are when it comes to what they sleep or sit on. Making it a quite common sight to see piles of hay inside a room where beds should be. I mean actual beds do exist and get made for those who need them (like me) but beds are treated more as luxury items in this world rather than the norm and are therefore fairly expensive.

But I’m just getting distracted.

Fuck it . I think to myself as I just decide to sit on the floor with my legs crossed.

Time to get this thing started. “Hello there.”

“He-hello.” She meekly replies, either because of a lack of strength or because of her slowly depleting mental health. Either she looks like shit. With her eyes looking bloodshot and tired, her coat looking like a complete mess, and her hair also looking like a complete disaster. Almost indistinguishable from the pile of hay underneath her.

Maybe she needs a good cup of coffee. Though I doubt it will do much for her.

But it’s the thought that counts.

“So…you’re a human, yes?” I ask, again trying to start a conversation.

She meekly nods. “Ye-yes I am…but…”She pauses before looking down.

“But what?” I ask back.

“I…that’s all I know…” She replies this time even quieter which almost made it hard to hear.

But I still did, which is why I am pointing it out here.

“All you know?” I again keep pushing.

She looks visibly distressed now. “I…I can’t remember anything else…th-that’s all I KNOW.” She states much louder this time. Almost looking on the verge of tears.

I quickly raise my hands. “Woah woah woah there calm down. So you're saying you can’t really remember anything? Not even your name?” I ask in hopes of maybe calming her down.

How it will, I have no idea. It feels kinda counterproductive to ask her what her name is when she clearly remembers nothing at all.

Hope I didn’t make it worse by asking that. But judging by her pause it maybe worked?  

“…Valori…my…my name is Valori.” She replies somewhat keenly.

“Well, that's good ... .oh and My name is Melvin by the way. Melvin Becker to be exact. But my surname isn’t important here. Just calling me Melvin will be fine.” I then introduced myself to ease things up a bit.

It has a bit of an opposite effect though as she looks a bit confused now. Hey, at least she isn’t crying.

“A… surname? I think I had one too but…again I can't remember.” She states before looking back down.

“It’ll probably come to you. No need to stress it.” I reply, trying my best to cheer her up. Despite my lack of knowledge when it comes to handling someone who is suffering from amnesia

It's kinda funny how it works. I mean how does she know she knows something when she can’t even remember what this something was? It sounds like a paradox almost and I don’t think amnesia is supposed to work like that. You remember or you forget. There shouldn’t be this “middle” ground where you know something is there but you can’t remember what this something is.

Smells like bullshit. But I am obviously not going to say it out loud.

“Are there…more humans out there besides us?” She suddenly asks, which makes me blink.

“Uh, what?” I ask a bit confused.

She looks at me. “Are there maybe more humans out there, besides just the two of us?” She repeats herself.

Uh, no. No, they aren’t. Humans here are considered to be just a myth in this world. So as far as I know it’s just you and I. “I reply.

She lowers her head. “Oh, then…how did we get here?” She wonders.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I just suddenly woke up here. Probably the same for you, but at a much higher altitude than me.” I reply before thinking about it. Maybe that is why she is suffering from severe memory loss. Hitting her head during her landing and smashing through several floors of the guild in the process. For a human this would be deadly. But for a Pokémon body like hers it's like falling off a couch.

Which is Ironic because it still can’t protect you fro…

“Can…you remember something?” She suddenly asks which took me completely by surprise. Not to mention out of my train of thought.

“Wait, why are you asking me?” I ask while pointing at myself.

She shrinks back. “Ju-just asking really. I was just wondering if…since we both woke up here in the same way…if you still have your memories or not. Unlike me. I’m just wondering if this is normal…or not” She asks, while rubbing one of her forelegs nervously.

“No,” I reply. “It's not normal. And yes, I do still have my memories. I still remember everything, all the way to my childhood. I even remember that strange sandwich I ate before I suddenly woke up here. Kinda fishy now that I think about it. It even had a really strange taste. Wonder what happened afterward.”  I reply while going off a bit of tangent here. Momentarily losing myself yet again under my own thoughts.

“Oh.” I hear her react. “Can…can you maybe tell me something about yourself then? I’m….I’m just curious that’s all.” She asks, which was not something I was expecting.

Heck, I was expecting her to just ignore me like all the others. But I guess me being human is enough for her to attach herself to me automatically. Even though our first encounter didn’t go so well.

I shrug. “Sure I guess,” I reply before thinking of where to start. I guess I could start with where I’m from since this is the first idea that crossed my mind.

Plus it's easy.

“Well for starters I’m from Germany. Used to live in a small town in ‘Baden Württemberg’. ‘In der nähe des Schwarzwalds’ or close to the Black Forest as you would call it. There I used to live in a single-family home alongside my three cousins. Christoph, Klaus, and Alexander. With the latter being a freeloader, but that is beside the point. I can tell you more about my family and my life if you want. That was just an introductory.” I state, capping it off for now.

Not sure how telling her all of this is going to help her but I guess she just needed an excuse to maybe think of something else besides her current predicament. Which I can understand.

She suddenly looks thoughtful though. “I… can’t recall ever hearing of such places or their names. But then again I don’t remember much anyway. Just hazy images and feelings…”She suddenly perks up.

“Wait…I think I just remembered something else. Something about my own home and my family!” She exclaims before sitting up.

“Wait, really? That's nice. What do you remember then?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Not much.” She admits, with some of her enthusiasm going with it. “Just a few hazy images of a house next to some woods. Some faceless humans who I guess were my family, and some Pokémon. Which ones, I don’t know. All I can remember is a large orange one and another that is blue and maybe cat-like in shape. Vague I know but that's all I can recall at the moment” She explains while visibly trying her best to remember more.

This forced me to pause. Wait, Pokémon? There are no Pokémon back on Earth. I think to myself as the realization hits me.

Wait, that means that she is from the anime right? I think to myself. Though from what point of the show I don’t know. I only ever saw the first and maybe the second season of the show as a kid before moving on to other cartoons quickly afterward. So my knowledge of the anime is pretty limited.

But it's also possible that she is maybe misremembering things. At this point anything is possible.   

“Well, can you recall more?” I ask, getting back on topic.

She sighs. “No, nothing.” She replies, looking quite disgruntled.

“Hey it's fine. Maybe your memories will return in due time. Just like now. So don’t stress yourself.” I assured her.

She sighs. “Yeah maybe.” She replies before looking down at her paws. Turning them back and forth and moving her digits, or at least trying to by the looks of it. She's not a feline judging by her struggle, or maybe she just needs more time to adjust to her new form. She did manage to outrun Mary though, but that can also be attributed to Adrenaline. But I am just spinning ideas here. Not to mention wasting my time and thoughts.

I then suddenly hear a loud growl causing her to pause.

“Ah, I see you are hungry.” I point out which quickly made her blush.

“Do you want me to bring you some food?” I then added.

She blinks. “Wait, does this mean you are going to leave?” She asks, suddenly looking nervous.

“I mean technically yeah but I can also inform someone to bring the food here instead. If you prefer that” I offer.

“I…” She pauses. “I wouldn’t mind someone bringing some food, and maybe some water as well.” She replies a bit shyly.

“Cool,” I exclaim as I get up and immediately get punished for my efforts.

I hissed. “Fuck, forgot about my chest.” I groan as I slowly make my way for the door.

“Sorry for that.” I hear her meekly say as I open the door.

“Nevermind, shit happens,” I reply as I step outside with Mary and Lydia still waiting for me on the other side. With the latter giving me a confused look.

“Uh what did you say?” She asks.

“Uh nothing, wasn’t talking to you.” I waved her off which is probably not how someone should respond to their boss. But this is Lydia so it's cool.

“… Right.” She reacts before quickly regaining her composure. “So how did it go?” She then asks.

“Huh? Oh, it went well. She was certainly a lot more open to me, just like you said. But I’ll tell you the details later. Can you ask someone to bring some food and a glass of water for her? She is starving.” I ask, getting straight to the point.

“Oh, I can do that.” Mary declares while clapping her hands together.

I give her a thumbs up. “Great, I’ll just wait here then,” I state before leaning against the door frame.

“Oh? Doesn’t she want to be left alone?” Lydia asks while tilting her head.

“Yeah,” I reply as Mary is already leaving. “Oh and bring me a chair too, ok?” I call after her.

Sitting on the floor kinda sucks. It’s bad for my tailbone and even worse for my still-busted rib cage.

“Lydia, we need to talk about this whole ‘Hay’ thing.” I then state while looking at her.

Chapter Text

“…And this is where I work all day.” I gesture at my chair and desk.

“Oh.” Valori responded, looking a tad bit confused.

“Yup, not the most exciting job in the world (I mean no one fucking wanted it because it's too boring) but I take a bit of pride in it. Plus it pays well and it's safe…well relatively speaking I mean.” I explain before sitting down on my office chair and hissing a bit because of my still persistent injuries.

I have to say. Hector once again did an amazing job in cleaning this place up. The only remaining blemish now is the hole above me. Which should be fixed later today according to Lilith.

But we will just have to wait and see. For now, I’m just happy to be back on the grind while also having to play as the babysitter. Yes, I now have to keep an eye on Valori while Lydia and Mary are trying to figure out what to do with her.

I really don’t want to have to deal with this but being aware of her problem I can’t exactly just leave her in her room. That would be a dick move, even for me.

Which is why I requested Hector earlier to bring me a stool so that Valori has something to sit on.

“Here!” I suddenly hear Hector's voice to my left, almost startling me.

“Huh right on time” I comment. “Oh and thanks, just place it here on my right side.” I request while pointing at the desired spot.

The blue blob just nods before waddling around my desk and forcing Valori to quickly step away as he places the stool next to me.

He suddenly turn around. “You, Child.” He addresses Valori directly.

She quickly shrinks back. “You are new here so I will let the mess you caused slide. So heed this as a warning. I do not appreciate Pokemon messing up my floors. Understand?” He threatens while looming over her.

She meekly nods.

“Good.” He replies before casually leaving. I just find it both funny and a bit weird how a blue sentient blob like him can have such a deep muscular voice, and yet he is a simple Janitor. Quite Ironic.

“Here.” I pat the stool next to me. “You can sit here, much more comfortable than standing.” I offer.

“Uh..su-sure.” She stutters before getting back up and walking towards the stool, though a bit wobbly on her paws.

It's kinda Ironic to watch her struggling with her new body, given the fact that she ran just fine when we first met. But that could have just been the adrenaline. Pure instinct, no thought. But now that she is…much calmer now…she struggles. I can only imagine how weird that must be to go from two legs to four and replace your hands and feet with less dexterous paws. But I can just ask her, whenever she succeeds in getting up her stool.

Which is…going to take a while it seems, with the amount of times she just fails and falls over.

And just like an asshole I just quietly watch her. Climbing, struggling, and falling back onto her ass before she finally figures out the sequence with which paw to grab first, followed by the second, the third, the fourth, and then repeat, before finally reaching the top. 

In hindsight, maybe giving her a stool wasn’t such a good idea. But then it wouldn’t have been as entertaining to watch.

I’m an ass, remember?

She sighs. “Finally.” She comments as she finally rests her hindquarters with her hindlegs dangling off its side and with her front paws resting in between her thighs to keep herself upright. An odd way to sit for a quadruped like her but I have seen weirder shit online from both cats and dogs. Plus she is new to this so I’ll just give her the benefit of the doubt.  

“So…” She began.” What now?” Asks before looking at me.

I fixed my Pajama collar first before replying. “Now you simply sit there and observe. While I do my job.” I reply as I pick up a nearby pencil and paper to get started.

“Oh.” She replies, sounding a bit disappointed.

I pause. “Why such a long face? From here you get to see all kinds of Pokémon coming in and from the guild while also listening to whatever banter they engage in. Doesn’t that sound interesting?” I ask while looking at her.

She again sighs. “No it's…it’s not that it's just…” She pauses “I…I’m just confused that’s all. I…”She lifts one of her paws to look at it. “I still have so many questions and still no answers. I’m just…not really in the mood for this, ok.” She replies, looking all depressed and shit.

I quietly groan before putting the pencil down. “Look, I’m going to be honest here. I have absolutely no idea how to help you, except to give your company. I hate to say this but…”I steel myself.” Why don’t you go and ask Lenne if she knows anything? She might have something useful for laying around that den of dust and papercuts that she calls a library. She is a nerd after all.” I explain while mentally kicking myself for even suggesting this.

She looks up at me. “You mean the Espeon?” She asks a bit nervously.

I nod. “Yes her, the same one who mind-carried you,” I reply.

She paused before looking away. “I…I’d rather not then.” She stutters.

“Why not? She’s alright…”I say with clenched teeth”… and could maybe help you out with your situation. She has a ton of books over at her library, so it's possible that at least one of those books may have something related to you. If not…” I pause. “There might be another Pokémon that could help you but he usually sleeps during the day. So how about it?” I ask, looking at her.

She just sits there. Looking down at her paws for several seconds before closing her eyes and giving off a sigh.

“She is a…Librarian, yes?” She asks before looking back up. Looking cautious.

I nod. “Yeah, she is. She is usually the one guild members go to whenever they need to ask for a book or require information about a specific topic. Which is why I am recommending her to you.” I explain, again trying to convince her.

“I…” She pauses. “Well, if you… if she could help. But…can you please come with me? I don’t want to be left alone with all of those Pokémon around here.” She replies.

I groan. “FINE!” I sigh out loud. “If it helps you, I’ll just go alongside you I guess,” I reply.

She smiles, with that tiny nub of a tail of hers going back and forth. I wonder if she is aware of that?

“Can’t even do my bloody job with her around. What about my fucking backlog.” I quietly mutter to myself while looking at the stacks of papers next to me.

“Your…what?” Valori asks, tilting her head.

I blink. “Never mind, let’s go,” I announce before getting up, but not without flinching. “FUCK MY RIBS!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“I’m such an idiot,” I exclaim out loud while sitting in front of a reading table.

“Wh-why is that?” Valori asks next to me.

I sigh. “Never mind,” I reply, dismissing her concerns only to focus more on my own.

How did I overlooked this? Valori is a human (or she claims to be) which means if Lenne finds out that she is “in fact” human, she is going to completely lose it. The same way she lost it when she first met me. So why did I think that asking Lenne all of people would have been such a good idea? It’s a disastrous idea and I already had a pretty bad time with her back then. Just imagine how a mentally broken child is going to react to her.

I’m such an idiot. I repeat to myself quietly while beating my head with my fists.

“Are…are you ok?” Valori asks next to me. Looking quite concerned.

“Hey there.” Lenne suddenly shows up. Sealing my fate…and any ideas I may have had to escape. “I found the book you were talking about. The books about Human myths and legends. I always loved reading these when I was just an Eevee. Did I ever tell you that?” She asks joyously, making me groan.

“All the bloody time.” I sigh through my hands and my teeth.

“So why did you ask about this book in particular?” She asks while putting the book down on the table. She then perks up. “Oooh, has it something to do with our new friend over here.” She asks while looking at her, forcing Valori to shrink back a bit against her seat. “Are you going to teach them about Humans? Well, why didn’t you say so before? It's my favorite topic after all.” She exclaims while clapping her paws together.

She then opens the book with her mind and starts to flip through a few pages. She then stops. “Ok let us maybe start with the basics. What even is a human?” She asks before looking at Valori.

I groan. “Lenne, for one I am sitting right next to her. So, the question is utterly pointless.” I point out. “And second, we're not here for your obsession. I asked you about this book because I was wondering if humans have existed here before, or to be more specific, have other humans besides me arrived here in the past? Am I the first or were there others before me?” I clarify.

Lenne quickly looks thoughtful. “Hmm, good question.” She began while tapping her chin with a paw. “I think I have another book for that. Hold on let me get that quick.” She exclaims excitedly before quickly disappearing behind some bookshelves.

It didn’t take long for her to return. “Here it is.” She announces before placing down, right next to the first one. “Ok let me see.” She mumbles as she flips through a couple of pages. I just leaned back, letting the “self-proclaimed” human expert do her thing while Valori continues to be an anxious-looking mess. This silence continues on for a few more minutes before she suddenly screams “AHA!” which almost made me jump out of my seat. With Valori feeling the same way judging from her expression and the fur arching along her back. I mean this is supposed to be a library, right? A place to be quiet? There are more mons around here besides us. Doing their own independent research and studies. Some looking equally as surprised at the sudden noise as we were. With some even giving her a frown from behind her back. 

Also, did I just refer to them as mons? What the hell is happening to me?

“Here, look at this. “She exclaims before flipping the book around to show us. “According to some old records listed here. A handful of humans did arrive in this world long ago. But never in their natural forms.” She explains before flipping the book around yet again to have a closer look.

This made Valori perk up a little. Me included. “Not their natural forms? What the hell does that mean?” I ask while leaning forward.

“That’s the funny thing actually. Beyond that, it's not stated why or to what they changed too. Most of the records we still have about them were just copies of older existing records which were also just copies of even older text dating back centuries. So there is no way to tell just how much information was lost due to this, or if any of these were even true or not. Well, I believe it was, but that is just my own opinion on the matter because I just love these stories so much.” She exclaims happily with her tail waving back and forth.

“Right,” I reply flatly. “Either way, is it maybe possible that these “humans” were turned into Pokémon when they arrived here? I mean you just said that they arrived here without their natural forms, yes? Meaning that they were changed when they arrived. Could that be plausible?” I ask, putting air quotes around the word “human” just to emphasize it a bit more.

This makes her think. “Hmm, it could be possible.” She replies while tapping her chin. “But I doubt it. I mean how could they even know that they were humans when they look, sound, and even smell like a Pokémon? It’ll be like me one day saying ‘I’m a human” right? No one would believe that. It's silly.” She explains while laughing the idea off.

I can tell from my peripheral vision that Valori seems a bit distraught from this. Not exactly why, but maybe she was hoping that there were more humans before her who suffered the same fate. But either way, I find this whole thing rather peculiar. Sure If some random stranger just walks up to you and claims to be a human even though they look like a normal Pokémon would make anyone raise an eyebrow at them at best or just chalk them up as crazy at worst. Realistic reactions, especially without any proof. So what exactly will happen if I just tell her that Valori is a human too? Only one way to find out.

“So, you don’t really believe that they might have been transformed into a Pokémon yes?” I ask just to clarify. 

“I mean yeah, anyone could just claim to be a human as I said. Unless they can prove it somehow.” She explains.

“So how would you react when I tell you that Valori next to me is a human,” I announce while pointing at her.

Her ears perk up. “Huh?” She reacts. “Uhm…are you sure? I mean they do look like a normal Shaymin to me. Only with a much longer mane for whatever reason.” She replies while tilting her head a bit.

“Well, she is,” I exclaimed. Also, she is a girl.” I add.

“A…girl?” Lennes reacts. “But Shaymin don’t have genders, at least the last I checked. Wait, hold on for a moment.” She announces before levitating a book over from one of the shelves next to her.

She then opens it. “Let me check this first.” She mumbles. “Ah here.” She announces. “Yes, it says here that Shaymin like most mythicals don’t have a physical gender to speak of. But it's also not uncommon for some, like Celebi, to refer to themselves as either he or she depending on their preference.” She reads out loud.

“Well…”I began. “She has the physical “bits”. You can ask Mary if you don’t believe me, because it was her who confirmed that she is ‘in fact’ a girl. Or you can check her out yourself if you want to find out now. Won't even take 10 seconds.” I reply while leaning back and crossing my arms. 

“W-what?” Valori reacts in shock.

“Hmm,” Lenne reacts while looking thoughtful. “You know what, why not? But only because you are so adamant about the idea that Humans can turn into Pokémon’s. I’ll only believe it when I see it.” She announces before grabbing Valori with her psychic abilities and lifting her off her chair.

Much to the girls' protest.

“N-no LET ME GO! PLEASE HELP ME!” She screams while desperately flailing her legs around.

“Oh calm down. It’ll be much quicker than last time.” She reassures before turning her around. “I just want to check if you are…” She pauses with her eyes going wide.

“Oh.” She reacts with her ears springing upwards in surprise. “I…well this is…unexpected.” She comments, tilting her head.

To say Valori looks embarrassed would be an understatement. Her entire face is now bright red, or at least that’s what I can see underneath her paws. I felt kinda bad that it had to come to this. But I just couldn’t think of a more straightforward way to prove my point, that the humans who arrived here in the past could have possibly transformed into Pokémon, like Valori levitating in front of me, who’s probably wishing she could die right now judging by her expression.

We’ve all been there.

“See, I told you.” I point out as a matter of fact.

“Ye-yeah I guess?” She replies still looking unsure of herself. “Did I maybe miss something?” She then asks out loud, probably to herself more than me as she looks back at the book she was reading a moment ago.

Valori still looks ready to die though, which can’t be good for her already fragile mental state. I’ll probably have to fix that before it becomes irreversible.

“Uh, Lenne,” I call out. “Can you put her back down please, I think she has enough.” I point out.

“Huh? OH YES YES. Uh of course. Sorry.” She replies sheepishly before finally placing her back down next to me. Her face is now covered completely covered by her long green hair with only part of her muzzle sticking out. Even her snout is completely red from embarrassment.

Eh, she’ll recover. For now, there are more important issues at hand. Like the fact that I was right and her books suck. Oh, I love it whenever I get the chance to win an argument.

“So wait.” Lenne quickly began. “If she really isn’t a normal Shaymin then that means…”She stops as her eyes go wide.

Oh, shit here it comes, this is exactly what I was dreading.

“SHE’S A HUMAN!!” She shouts in a high pitched squeal.

 "AHH MY FUCKING EARS!”

Chapter Text

“UUUGH” *Smack* “There!” I exclaim before taking the time to stretch my back to get some soreness out of it for carrying this thing from the town all the way over here which was a pain and a half let me tell you. It is surprisingly heavy given its size, or maybe I am just out of shape.

Maybe Lydia was right. Perhaps I should take the time to go out some more and do some exercises. Without her knowing that of course. Can’t let her know that she was right all along. I have too much pride to admit that. Plus, I’m a bastard so there’s that.

“Well, there you go.” I exclaim before turning around. “You new and improved bed. Better than a pile of hay in my opinion. Don’t mind the fact that it may look like a bed for dogs, the guy who sold this to me said that it is perfect for a Pokemon of your size. Well, only one way to find out. Give it a try.” I offered while gesturing at the bed next to me, which in all honesty is just a large basket with a couple of cushions.

But hey, it's still better than a pile of hay.

“I…” Valori began.” Yo-you know you didn’t have to go out of your way to buy me a proper bed. Really the pile of hay I was sleeping on was more than enough…” I quickly cut her off.

“Nonsense, if you're going to be crashing with me for a while then you might as well get a proper bed to sleep on. Plus hay has the tendency to get absolutely fucking everywhere and I like to keep my room clean. So shut up and take the bed, because I ain’t carrying it all the way back. Even for a refund.” I reply.

She seems speechless. “I…I don’t…tha-thank you. Really, I mean…you really didn’t have to.” She replies before suddenly looking down at her paws. Her trademark depressiveness returning. “I’m so sorry. I’m probably a burden to you, just because I can’t really trust anyone besides you. This whole situation is just a mess. I’m a complete mess.” She confesses with half of her face hidden behind her long ass hair. Looking quite depressed.

I waved it off. “A maybe a little, but I can’t say no now can I? Someone has to keep an eye on you. So stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Just enjoy this little piece of normalcy and try out your new bed will ya? Plus I have work tomorrow. So let's just call it a day shall we?” I declare before giving off a yawn.

“Fine.” She sighs before finally trying out her bed for the first time…and she fits.

Huh, so the guy was right. It IS the perfect size for her. Large enough for her to curl up into a ball like how most quadrupeds do. With quite a bit of room to spare as well. How nice.

“See. It's nice isn’t it?” I ask while resting my hands against my sides.

“Ye-yeah.” She replies while wiggling herself onto a much more comfortable position. Laying on her sides like how a dog or a cat would do…or whatever animal she is supposed to be. But then again who cares?

“Well then good night,” I announce before crawling into bed and snuffing out the oil lamp on top of my nightstand. I was hoping for a replay, only to realize that she has already fallen asleep somehow.

Lucky girl. I wish I had that ability. To just fall asleep instantly whenever I want to. Must be nice, without having to waste time twisting and turning and shit while your anxieties keep you awake.

Fuck me am I right?

“Welp, good night to myself then.” I declare solemnly before finally laying down and turning over to the side. Ready to fall asleep, or allow my anxieties to keep me up all night. Thoughts about dying, growing old, and probably never returning home ever again, the usual. Whatever comes first. God, where is a bottle of melatonin when you need it?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

  Sometime Later

*Creak*

*Creak*

*Crunch*

“… ouch, dammit.” I hear someone quietly curse as I slowly come awake from the excess noise that suddenly decided to pierce through the silence.

For fuck sake I almost forgot about her. She’s back, isn’t she? Bloody hell. Why is she back? Didn’t Lilith manage to chase her off or something?

For Christ sake

“Jessica, can you please leave me alone? I am trying to sleep here.” I groan before slowly turning around to face her. And true to my expectations, there she fucking is. In all of her cloaked glory. Again, not sure why she even bothers to wear a fucking cloak when her fur is already as black as the night? Plus her eyes easily give her away. They glow in the fucking dark. I see that she really hasn’t gotten any smarter than the last time she invaded my room.

Bloody typical. But she is determined I can give her that. Though that is a common trait for a lot of idiots around here. They just can’t take a fucking hint, and “Jessica” is the queen of that concept.

The bane of my existence.

Well, ONE of my banes of existence. I have a couple. I would love to tell her to just piss off, but I can’t because I am not alone this time. There is a girl sleeping next to me. Completely oblivious and none the wiser. Still fast asleep and quietly snoring away.

Why can’t I be like her? Just sleep my problems away and be none the wiser? Actually no, scratch that. That’s a terrible idea. If Pokemon like “Jessica” can just keep breaking in like this then it's actually a good thing that I am such a light sleeper. Or I should just invest in some heavier and thicker locks?

Why haven’t I done that before though? Maybe I’m the idiot? Fuck.

Note to self, BUY some better locks first thing in the morning. But first, I have to deal with this shit again. Trying to convince “Jessica” for the upteenth time that I am not interested in becoming their Idol for their weird doomsday cult or whatever it is they do.

“Jessica…” I quietly call out which immediately causes her ears to perk up which coincidently also pushes her hood back. Revealing her black fur-covered cranium with that yellow circle on her forehead.

Plus she looks annoyed. “Why do you keep calling me Jessica when my name is not in fact Jessica It actually…”

“Pssssss…” I quickly shush her. “Not so loud, someone is trying to sleep here.” I quietly call out while aggressively pointing at the sleeping girl right next to me.

Jessica at first seems confused before it quickly morphed into that of surprise. Her red glowy eyes turned wide with her ears perking up a second time in a row. Though this time without a hood to push back. A sad day for all those hood-pushing lovers out there, if those even exist.

“WAIT IS THAT A SHAYMIN!” She suddenly calls, way too loudly.

“Not so fucking loud! I already told you that she is sleeping, you idiot. Do you want her to wake up?” I almost shouted back.

“But…what is a mythic Pokémon doing here? It wasn’t here last time.” She asks while pointing a paw at her.

“She is here because she is. Now keep your voice down dammit.” I reply.

She suddenly looks serious. “You have to get rid of it. Most Mythic’s cannot be trusted. They are simple servants of the false ones. The eyes and ears of those whom many Pokemon simply call “The Legendaries” The so-called creators and keepers of our world, but also the sources of its many woes and disasters. We are simply a nuisance to them or tools for their never-ending rivalries and conflicts with one another, and now one of their underlings sleeps next to you. This is dangerous, you have to get rid of it before it can fill your mind with false ideas and steer you away from your destined path, or simply report you to whatever Legendary it serves under. You have to get rid of it before it's too late.” She explains forcing me to look at her like she suddenly grew a second head or something. Which she might have. On her ASS.

I blink. “I’ll just pretend I fully understood what you just said while also vehemently rejecting all of the points you just made like I always do. But on a more serious note, no I will NOT get rid of her. That much is clear.” I reply staunchly.

She was taken aback. “What?! But it is…wait…a she?” she asks after realizing that I keep calling her a she and not an it. I was honestly expecting her to take her sweet ass time before realizing it. But I guess wonders do still happen.

I nod. “Yes a she. You can ask Mary for confirmation since it was her who checked.” I reply.

She still doesn’t seem convinced though. “But…that shouldn’t be possible. There is only one mythic in existence of each which are known. So this should be impossible. There has to be a mistake then.” She reacts, very strongly I might add, and again way too loud.

“Can you shut your trap? You're again being way too loud. I already told you that I…” I was about to continue when Valori suddenly started to quietly moan and move in her bed.

She’s waking up.

“Shit,” I exclaim as she’s rubbing her eyes.

“Jessica” suddenly panics. “Oh no, its waking up. I got to knock it out before it can do something.” She exclaims before suddenly lowering herself in an attack position. Is she really going to attack Valori, and more importantly inside my fucking room?

It almost took me the whole day yesterday to clean this place up. I even waxed the freaking floor. I will not stand for this.

“Jessica STOP! Don’t be so fucking retraded.” I call out as I quickly jump into action in order to stop her. Only for my legs to get twisted up inside my blanket as I fall onto my face instead.

“Son of a bitch…”

“Wha… what's going on?” I hear Valori react.

“YOU SHALL NOT CORRUPT US ANY FURTHER!” I then hear Jessica scream as I can suddenly make out a purplish light pushing through the thick fabric of my blanket. 

I can feel Valori begin to panic, or wait maybe it's mine. Yeah, definitely mine. Because all of my hard work yesterday is about to go up in smoke. Perhaps literally, and there is nothing I can at the moment to stop it. Because of this damn blanket.

If only someone could barge in and stop this.

*CRASH*

“YOU!!” I suddenly hear Lilith's voice shout after my door gets most likely demolished ‘AGAIN’ followed by a loud “Eep” in “Jessica’s voice.

The purple glow also quickly disappeared.

“I KNEW I smelled something familiar. I thought I told you to never come back, and yet you are either dumb or stubborn enough to still come back. Do you have a death wish or something?” Lillith asks, sounding more surprised than pissed off, but she still sounds incredibly pissed off if that makes sense.

I guess she never expected her to return so freaking soon. Not sure what exactly happened after these two disappeared through my window last time, but I guess I can understand it from her point of view. For me, it makes perfect sense. Cult members are the most hardcore dedicated nutheads out there. Ready to commit mass murder or “unalive” themselves if their beliefs demand it.

Jonestown anyone?

“Can someone please help?” I call out, getting sick at the fact that I can’t move or fucking see. Who knew blankets could be such a good death trap? I’ll keep that in mind for later IF someone could help me that is.

And of course, no one does as the situation continues without me.

“I…d-d-d-d-don’t attack me. I…I am just trying to do something go-good for everyone. The whole world. I am just trying to-to convince him of his greater destiny, to help him unlock his full potential. Humans have the ability to become gods…do-don’t you understand?” She pleads which is the same shit I have heard a million times by now. Well not anywhere close to a million, I am obviously heavily exaggerati…WHO CARES! I AM STILL STUCK AND I CAN’T SEE. ALSO THE IRONY AND HYPOCRISY ON THAT FIRST LINE.

“Don’t attack me? You were about to attack Valori before Lilith crashed through the door. You’re an idiot and a coward. Well, both of those were already long obvious, but not to this…AHH FUCK IT.” I call out before I realize that I am just wasting my breath. Best to use it to try and get out of this mess then talk. Lilith is here so she’s got everything under control. I just need to push and wiggle myself out of this cocoon and all should be good.

Hopefully. Again it’ll be a LOT easier if someone would HELP ME!

“SHE, trying to attack her?” Lilith laughs. “That’s rich, last time she tried to use shadow ball on me it completely missed by a country mile… like…literally…I even had to stop to see who she was attacking before I realized that she was just shooting the air. Either she is actually blind or has the worst aim I’ve ever seen on a Pokémon. Kinda funny but also pathetic at the same time.” I hear her chuckle.

“He-HEY! I…I tried my best alright…I…I don’t do well under pressure.  P-plus I am terrible at running and trying to attack someone at the same time. I'm…not the best multitasker.” I hear “Jessica” defend herself, trying to justify her poor combat skills. I mean who cares? I care more about getting out of this blanket so that I can move, see, and properly breathe.

Again, why is no one helping me? Also, I just realized something.

“So wait, did you just admit that she got away because you had to stop and laugh at her poor aim skills? Is that it?” I ask while finally making some progress in untangling my legs. Just a few more wiggles and kicks to go.

“Uhm…well…perhaps?” Lilith replies, sounding quite guilty for someone who isn’t sure. So basically a yes. For fuck’s sake Lilith, and here I thought she is the more responsible one around here. Always takes what she does very seriously.

Why do I still have expectations?

“Hey wait, where do you think YOUR GOING!” I hear her suddenly calls out which was quickly followed by the sound of glass shattering just behind me. Did she just…

“HEY GET BACK HERE!” Lilith screams as hear her jump onto my bed and out of my most likely shattered window.

I JUST CLEANED THIS PLACE YESTERDAY! FOR BLOODY SAKE!

“ARGH GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I scream as I have had enough of this. Trying to free myself with force as I trash my legs around. It did the trick funny enough as I probably tore through my blanket at a couple of areas before I pulled over my head and finally freed myself. Allowing me to view the chaos left by “Jessica” and Thunder dog respectively.

Yup, my door is busted yet again with pieces of glass scattered all over my and around my bed. I quickly grab my phone to look at the time.

3:25 am

This is hell, this is actual hell. I died and got sent to this world as punishment for my sins. This is what I get for not going to Sunday school, and for being a dickhead. Why do these things have to keep happening at the most ungodliest of hours? Why not in the middle of the fucking day. I’m already sleep-depraved as it is thanks to my insomnia and my anxieties.

Why god, why has thou forsaken me? Am I not worth of thou grace? Also, why am I prying now off all moment? I should have done that before all of this. Before I got turned into another low-income slave in a world filled with souped up talking animals.

My boss is a literal playboy mascot!  

“Is….what…what…exactly…happened?” Valori’s suddenly speaks up. Breaking me from my inner turmoil. I quickly look to my right only to see the most textbook example of what a WTF expression looks like. Eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar and as stiff as a statue.   

“That…” I began while ruffling her hair. “…is like, and yours now too. So, get used to it.” I exclaim.

Halbes leid ist geteiltest leid wie man ja so schon so sagt. (As the saying goes, half a sorrow is a sorrow shared.)

Chapter Text

“…So in other words. You two failed the mission.” I state with a flat look.

The Riolu rubs the back of his head. “We-well yeah but we swear we caught the thief.” He states before looking back at me. “It's just that…he…somehow managed to slip loose from his bindings somehow and escaped while we slept. The next morning he was just gone. Bu-but again I swear we managed to capture him. I-isn’t that right Shinx?” The little blue puppy asks while turning to his equally blue cat friend behind him for confirmation.

The aforementioned cat friend nods which prompts his dog friend to turn his gaze back on me with hope sparkling in his eyes.

Too bad I’ll have to snuff those out. I shook my head. “It says here at the bottom to bring them in “dead or alive” in which you two failed both,” I exclaim while showing them the poster to prove my point. “So in other words…” I sit back. “…you two failed the mission. Clear and simple. So no rewards and compensations for you two.” I declare before stashing the wanted poster away to be reposted later.

The little dog looks distraught by this and so does his feline friend. It must suck to have spent a whole week tracking down a criminal only to then end up with nothing for your efforts because you were dumb enough to let him escape. Rules are rules after all so no exceptions.

“Well, better luck next time then.” I casually exclaim before taking a sip of my coffee.

I grimace. “Fuck, it's already cold.”

The blue dog sighs. “Come on Shinx. Let's just head over to the cantina and get something to eat or something.” He mumbles as I watch the two leave with their heads hanging low.

“Geeze, what’s up with them?” I hear Snow ask as she and her partner Mat approach my desk. The latter holding a mission flier in his mouth. Because having hands is a luxury around here.

“Eh, nothing serious.” I shrug before leaning back. “I just denied them any form of compensation for failing a job. No thief, no rewards.” I explain before instinctively reaching for my mug and remembering that the coffee is already fucking cold.

Great now who’s going to get me a ne…

I suddenly get an idea. “Hey Valori can you maybe get me a…” I pause. She sleeping. Resting her precious little head on top of my desk while using her front paws as makeshift cushions. She is even drooling which I find mildly disgusting.

But overall, not a bad idea. I would love to do the same after last night.  Fucking Jessica I swear. That girl is going to be the death of me I just know it.

“Well piss.” I exclaim before returning my attention to the two foxes in front of me. Is Snow even a fox? Like what the fuck is she? If those ribbon things hanging off the sides of her head were her actual ears then I would be inclined to say that she is a dog, maybe. But the problem is they’re not, instead, her ears are just behind them, pointing upwards. Looking almost similar to that of an Eevee’s. Which IS a fox mind you. So, does this mean she is a fox? Ah, I don’t know. These fucking Pokémon’s man. Always giving me a bloody headache.

And speaking of headaches.

“Hey, Melvin.” I watch Lenne suddenly appear in my field of view which is just fantastic.

Just the person I need. Which is me being sarcastic by the way.

I groan. “Hi Lenne. What to do want?” I ask with a flat expression.

“Oh, nothing much. I’m just here to tell you that the Umbreon… 'Jessica?' has finally regained consciousness.” She asks while placing a paw on her chin while looking quite thoughtful.  

I puckered my lips at that. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” I mumble to myself. Lilith did actually manage to knock her out last night before she could escape. Something Lydia told me quite enthusiastically this morning before I started my shift. I was far too groggy and still too pissed this morning to really give a shit on the things she was telling me so it must have slipped my mind. But now….well…sucks to be Jessica I guess. Serves her right for making my insomnia even worse by constantly waking me up in the middle of the night just to preach her bullshit.

Take the L bitch!

Either way back on topic. “So what do you want me to do with this information?” I ask as I try to grab a pen that was in the process of phasing through my table.

Am I the only one who sees this?

“Hold on.” Snow quickly calls out. “Is it ok to ask what’s going on here? Who is this “Jessica”? “She asks while looking at Lenne.

“Some strange Umbreon who is part of a cult. You know the one that lives somewhere within the surrounding woods? Close to the town?” She asks.

Snow nods. “Yeah, I think I heard of them. Isn’t that the one who believes that humans are gods or something?” She asks while scratching her head with one of her front paws.

Lenne nods. “Yeah, that’s the one. I think I’ve read a book about their philosophy. Their ideas and beliefs go hand in hand with a lot of old myths and legends about humans. Like the one which states that humans have existed in the past long before Pokemon did eons ago and were responsible for shaping our world into what it is now. It's quite fascinating actually. I can go find that book for you if you are interested in reading it yourself. Highly recommend it.” She states with her tail swaying from side to side. 

Mat then spat out the mission flier before saying… “How can these idiots think that humans are somehow gods when we have a human right here who’s weak and frail?” He points out while giving me a flat look.

“Fuck you,” I call out while giving him the finger.

“Fuck you too.” The little shit retorts while matching my glare.

Snow loudly coughs. “Anyway, me and Mat just finished a…

“Lenne?” Mary’s voice suddenly appears alongside its owner. “Have you already informed Melvin that our “special guest” is finally awake? Lilith is still waiting for him.” She exclaims before noticing my presence.

Lenne ears perk up. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that.” She replies before turning around to face her. “I was just telling Snow over here about a book I read about human myths and legends. I guess I got distracted again huh?” She asks while rubbing the back of her head with a cheeky grin.

Mary just rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Lilith is still waiting for you. She wants you to help her with the interrogation.” She informs while looking at me.

I raise an eyebrow. “My help? Can’t she just do it herself?” I ask.

“Well for starters…” She began while crossing her arms. “…you ARE the main reason why this Umbreon is here in the first place. So it just makes sense for you to be there since she is also partially your responsibility. Plus she won't talk unless you are there. Her exact words, not mine.” She explains before sighing. “Anyway, I’ve done my part. If you excuse me I’ll just return to my post.” She states before quickly excusing herself.

I groan. “Ah great. More distractions.” I mumble to myself before glancing at the still-sleeping Shaymin next to me. Still drooling all over my desk.

“What about her then?” I ask, mostly to myself.

“Ooh” Lenne began. “I can keep an eye on her if you want?” She offers.

“No, you won't.” I quickly glare at her. “She already went through enough shit as it is and doesn’t need you to make it worse,” I retort before switching my attention to the two ice furries still loitering in front of my desk. “Snow, can you keep her company while I’m away? Just try and be friendly whenever she wakes up ok? She’s quite…”Sensitive”.” I explain while putting air quotes around the word sensitive to emphasize it.

Snow blinks. “Uh…Su-sure. I guess but what about our…”

“Great!” I exclaim. “Well see you later then. Gotta see what thunder paws want from me.” I announce as I get up and leave.

“WAIT! What about our Job!” She calls out which almost makes me stop and turn around. Almost. Because…

“Let me get some coffee first. If I’m going to spend the rest of my day with “Jessica” then I am going to need it. So wait.” I call out before I quickly realize something.

Wait…I think I left my mug back at my desk.

Fuck!     

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“….tell me or I’ll zap your freaking fur off!” Is the first thing I get to hear as I enter the room where “Jessica” is being held. Only for me to pause at the scene in front of me. For starters, the room is completely dark, save for a single light source provided by a Volbeats ass whose expression screams he doesn’t want to be here…or her.

Honestly, I can’t tell with some of them, and I am not going to start now because according to one of Lenne’s books, there is like over a thousand of these fuckers. So no thank you.

Either way besides that is just your stereotypical interrogation scene, right down to the letter. With “Jessica” tied tight to a wooden chair and Lillith pacing back and forth in front of her menacingly as if “Jessica” owes her money or something.

She might actually who knows, but either way back on topic.

I quickly made my presence known by coughing loudly into my fist which made Lillith pause.

She turns around. “Ah, finally you’re here. Good. “She exclaims. “Maybe you can convince her to talk.” She calls out while bobbing her head to the Umbreon next to her.

“Uh…” I react while scratching my head. “Sure I guess but don’t expect any miracles,” I reply before stepping closer. I give the Volbeat hovering above us a curious look which it returns with its deadpan eyes. I need to know.

“Say, are you a male or female?” I ask.

“How about you mind your own damn business asshole.” It retorts in a high-pitched voice.

I frown. “Takes an asshole to know an asshole.” I retort back.

I hear Lilith sigh. “Melvin FOCUS. Leave Rebecca alone ok? She’s already in a bad mood.” She explains which makes me laugh.

“In a bad mood? Really? What, is acting as a living ceiling lamp really that hard?” I ask.

“OI!” The flying lightbulb quickly shouts. “Try being stuck inside a dark, damp room all day with nothing but dust particles to keep ya company. Also aren’t you the same hairless monkey who just sits on his ass all day? Your job doesn’t sound that much better dipshit. Perhaps even more boring than mine.” She retorts.

Ok now she’s getting on my nerves.

“Ok listen here misses ass light. You not…” I was about to argue before Lilith quickly stopped me.

“WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She shouts as sparks arc through her mane and body.

“Ok, OK, I chill. Can’t a guy have some friendly banter with a ceiling light?” I ask while holding my arms up.

“Melvin? ZIP IT! Now go talk with the Umbreon over here or Arceus help me.” She almost threatens, which is certainly a first.

She must be really on edge then for her to go that far. I should probably calm down then and do as she asks. I don’t feel like dying from a lightning strike today. I heard those are pretty painful.

“So uhm…”Jessica” How are you faring?” I ask, simply to start this interrogation somehow and not genuinely caring if she is doing well or not.    

“Uhm…but my name isn’t…”

“Jessica, please. Do you want for Lilith to get even more pissed off?” I slowly lean in to whisper into her ear. “I don’t want to get electrocuted,” I whisper before retreating.

“That…makes two of us.” She agrees while shifting a bit against her robes.

Either way, question time.

“So uhm…what am I supposed to ask?” I ask (double ask) while looking back at Lilith.

She sighs. “How about you start with asking her how she keeps breaking into the guild?” She points out.

I snort. “Oh, that one is easy. She keeps entering through my fucking window.” I reply.

Again, she sighs. “Yeah, I already know but I meant before that?” She clarifies.

“Uh…” “Jessica” suddenly starts. “Through the front door actually.” She replies.

“Wait…WHAT!” Lilith reacts which makes “Jessica” flinch as her ears drop.

“Ye-yes. When I came here during the first couple of nights the doors at the front of the guild was always unlocked…so I just…pushed them open and walked right in. Easy as that.” She recalls which makes me raise an eyebrow.

For Lilith, it is both her brows as her eyes go wide. “Say WHAT?!” She again exclaims this time a lot louder. “That is impossible. I always, ALWAYS make sure that the doors are locked. Every single one of them, including the windows. How in Arceus name can the front doors be open? I always close them myself.” She exclaims while stomping her right paw at the end to emphasize her point.

The mentioning of “Arceus” made “Jessica's” expression twitch a bit. I do recall Lydia once informing me that the church like building at the center of town is dedicated to this “Arceus” guy. The Pokemon version of the Christian god if I compare them correctly. This would explain why “Jessica” reacted to its name because her cult believes from what she told me that these guys are just a bunch of baloney and that my kind for whatever reason are the true gods of this world or can be gods or however their belief system goes.

Again I could never be bothered to actually remember to pay attention to what she was saying because for me HER words are a bunch of baloney. The ramblings of a mad girl who has way too much free time on her…paws and prefers to spend that time with a bunch of people equally insane as her.

That is how I see it. But on a different note, why were the front doors open? Was someone sneaking out in the middle of the night or do we have a SPY within our midst? Something Lilith also seems to ponder judging by her expression.

“That is ridiculous. Why were the front doors unlocked? Was someone sneaking out in the dead of night? If so then who? A guild member? One of the recruits? No that’s impossible, because only me, Lydia and Jirachi have the keys. So who unlocked them?” She wonders. Getting visibly more and more frustrated the further she chews on this. 

“Hey take it easy, it's probably not that serious,” I call out, trying to calm her down. Which she finds offensive for some reason judging by how quickly her head snapped back to glare at me.

“NOT SERIOUS? OF COURSE ITS BLOODY SERIOUS! I AM IN CHARGE OF THE SECURITY OF THIS GUILD AND KNOWING THAT SOMEONE KEPT THE FRONT DOORS OPEN IS A BIG, BIG PROBLEM FOR ME!” She screams, making it sound serious…seriously painful to my eardrums that is.

I cover my ears. “Lilith not so loud. I can hear you just fine if you talk normally. Also, I get your frustration, but think about it…” I pause before removing my hands from my ears. “If “Jessica” here eventually stopped using the front doors and instead started to use my BEDROOM WINDOW!” I shout while giving her a quick glare. “That means that they eventually started to stay locked. This means whoever was sneaking outside before eventually stopped. Am I right here “Jessica,” I ask while looking at her.

She nods. “Ye-yeah.” She confirms.

YES! I am good at this. I think to myself in triumph.

“Still…”She stayed defiant. “Being the one responsible for both the security and safety of everyone makes this still a huge issue for me. Someone was unlocking the doors without anyone else knowing and that is the core issue here. I need to figure who it is and why, before something like this can happen again.” She states before suddenly turning tail (if she had one) and leaving.

“HEY WHERE ARE YOU…” I call out, but she’s already gone. Her speed finally working tomy determent.

“Fuck!” I exclaim before giving off a loud groan of annoyance.

Great. I think to myself. Left behind with “Jessica” and a sentient lightbulb with social problems. I mentally sigh. I guess it's up to me now to carry on the rest of the interrogation. But, what am I even supposed to ask? “Jessica” already told me everything basically. About her beliefs, her group goals, and a lot of unnecessary and confusing fluff in between. I already know for a fact that she wants me to follow her to this “grove” hidden behind a “cave” so that her and her “friends” can do whatever it is they need to do in order to turn me into a god or something.

I guess I can maybe ask where this “grove” is just to get started.

“So where do you guys hang out exactly? Where is your HQ? You kept telling me about a ‘grove in a cave’ but you never specifically pointed out where this ‘grove’ actually is. Mind telling me?” I start. 

She perks up. “Oh, does this mean you have finally decided to accept my offer?” She asks with her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Eh no.” I replay. “Not quite, but I am interested in learning where your secret little club is. Would you be interested in telling me?” I again ask.

“Nope.” She shook her head much to my surprise. “Sorry no can do.” She states forcing me to retreat back a bit.

“Wh-what, why? For months you’ve been pestering me to join your little friend circle and now you are refusing to simply tell me where you little gathering spot is? Isn’t that hypocritical?” I accuse while glaring.

“Not really. The rules of our great prophet state that the location of our grove shall always be a secret to outsiders. Only selected members and outside believers are allowed to know its location and sadly you are neither of those. So therefore I am not allowed to tell you where we live and congregate. So…sorry.” She replies which leaves me a bit flabbergasted.

Did she just openly contradict herself? She did just call me, a potential god in her eyes that I am NOT a believer. Like how the fuck does this even work? How does this make sense that the very being of her fascination is now allowed to know the place where they spend all of their time writing fanfictions about me.

It's like telling a famous person that he is now allowed to attend his fan convention…by his own FANS. This is maddening, and yet, here it is, manifested by a black dog. I think she’s a dog. You know what Fuck it! She is a dog now end of story.

Either way back to the hypocrisy.

“Jessica” I began very calmly. “Tell me where your cult is?” I again ask with a flat expression.

She again shook her head. “Again sorry but I can’t….

“You didn’t let me finish.” I cut her off as I slowly moved closer. “Tell me where your little cult is or so god help me…” I stop right in front of her. ”…LILITH'S THUNDERBOLTS ARE GOING TO BE THE LEAST OF YOUR GOD DAMN PROBLEMS!” I threatened as I towered over her. Leaning forward to then glare directly into her now terrified-looking eyes as my patience with her has finally reached its endpoint. 

If she truly believes that I have the powers and potential to turn myself into a god then seeing me absolutely pissed for the very first time is surely going to convince her to move that otherwise useless mouth of hers and finally use it for some useful. Like telling me where her stupid cult of hers is so that I can go out there and smash it…or realistically tell someone else to go smash to finally bring an end to all of this bullshit.

…and to maybe watch her piss her pants…if she had pants that is, which is sadly all too common around these parts. The amount of junk I have to look at each and every day while chastising new recruits is ridiculous. Especially those based off of mammals. Don’t these Pokemon have any shred of decency? To blind everybody with their junk?  But whatever, I am getting ahead of myself.

Right now, I am hoping for “Jessica” to “spill the beans” to eliminate at least one of my problems.

Hopefully.

But first…

“FUCKING TELL ME!!” I Scream while slamming a fist against a non-existent table which almost made me lose my footing.

“O-OK I'LL TELL YOU!” She replies in panic.

Perfect.

“Well? I’m listening,” I reply before standing straight.

“Its…”She began until her eyes suddenly went wide. Well even wider then they where before if that is even possible. “Ge…Ge-Ge-” She stutters.

“Hello there, I shee that you’ve gotten yourshelf into quite the pickle thish time. How humoroush.” A voice behind me suddenly comments before giving off a chuckle.

I immediately turn around only to be met with a large mischievous grin, red glowing eyes, and a body as black as night. Looking like a ghost, or some kind of demon maybe. Almost the same size as me if you don’t count those cat-like ears on its head. Truly a terrifying sight, something a lot of people would piss their pants on if they saw this for the first time, but not me. Oh no. For me, seeing shit like this is just an average Tuesday. I’ve already seen weirder shit than this. From a sentient coffin who was trying to sell me some weed to reality literally breaking behind my freaking door for some reason. So for me, seeing “ the devil ” standing right next to me is child’s play. That…and this thing is called Gengar from what I recall. A mischievous but otherwise harmless ghost-type according to Lillith. 

Well, nothing is really “harmless” around here. But whatever.

He again snickers to himself (I think it’s a him judging by his voice) before addressing “Jessica” again.

I’m here too you know.

“Anyway, I jusht came here to check on you on Mashter Xatu’sh orders shince you’ve been missing for a couple of day’sh now, and it sheemsh I came jusht in time. You were about to shnitch on ush wheren’t you? How shameful.” He teases while shaking his head. Not really sounding disappointed or angry but rather pleased? Also, he is slurring a lot of his words. His voice gives me the images of a snobby high school kid with braces stuck in his mouth, which greatly decreases his intimidation factor.

From demon to a dork.

Also, I get the feeling that he’s an asshole. Takes one to know one after all, and judging by “Jessica's” reaction I seem to be correct as her expression quickly changed to anger.

“GERRY!” She calls out. ”What are you doing here? If you think that you can take the Human to Master Xatu and take all of the credit for yourself then you’ll have another thing coming. Bringing him to the grove is MY mission.” She spat while glaring at the Gengar behind me.

Huh, so this is how she looks like when she’s angry. Interesting.

The Gengar again just snickers. “Oh pleahse, it's not like you're in a position to do anything.” He chuckles while pointing at the robes keeping her down. “But now that you’ve mentioned it” He pauses while looking thoughtful. “I might jusht.” He muses before finally aiming his unnaturally wide grin at me, forcing me to cross my arms.

“Yeah good luck with that asshole,” I announce while giving him a flat look.

He shrugs. “Eh perhaps another time.” He replies before looking back at “Jessica”

“Anyway, I’ll go and inform Mashter Xatu about you shnitching on us. Oh, he ish going to be so mad at you when I tell him that. You know how shtrict he can be don’t ya?” He laughs while clapping his claws together. “Anyway, gotta go have fun being stuck with these Looooshers. Tata. He declares before suddenly flying upward and disappearing through the ceiling. Leaving a panicked-looking “Jessica” behind.

Did he just called me a loser?

“Oh no, no, no, NO!” “Jessica” panics. “This is exactly the opportunity he was hoping for. He’s going to get me expelled from the congregation. I will have nowhere else to go.” She rambles while franticly fighting against her restraints which causes her to fall over.

“Please…” She then looks up at me. “Untie me. I need to catch up with him before he reaches the grove. I need too…”

“Alright I’m back.” Lilith suddenly returns before pausing. “Uh…what happened?” She asks, looking confused.

“A Gengar happened?” I reply while casually pointing my thumb at the Umbreon in question.

“Wait…a Gengar?” She asks while looking at me.

I nod. “Yeah, a Gengar named Garry funnily enough. I think he's part of the same cult that “Jessica” over here is part of. But…” I pause as I look at her. Is she…crying?

Indeed she is, she is silently crying. Tears are visibly flowing from her eyes and slowly forming a puddle underneath her right cheek.

She then starts to mutter to herself in between sobs. Expressing things like “not wanting to be alone again” and “losing another home”.

Damn, why do I suddenly feel so bad for her? Is it because I can somewhat relate to her? I mean I do feel alone sometimes being the “only” human, and waking up in an alien world with no means of getting back also sucks.

I mean wow, I never thought I would ever relate to her. Which slightly pisses me off. I mean she brought this on herself right? None of this would have happened if she just left me be. But NOOOO, she had to be persistent. Constantly sneaking into my room in the middle of the night to then pester me with the same topic.

This is what you get for being unable to grasp the concept of NO. So then why do I feel bad for her?

Fuck, I need some coffee to process this.

“OI.” The sentient lightbulbs suddenly spoke up. “If I may, I have a suggestion” She calls out before clearing her throat. “How about you allow her to stay at the guild? I mean she has nowhere else to go from what I just heard so why not replace one shitty cult for another? Plus you can keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid. A win, win don’t ya think?” She offers.

“Cult? This guild isn’t a cult.” Lilith rebukes.

The firefly shrugs. “Eh, with how it keeps attracting both the young and the desperate it might as well be. But who cares on what I have to say? I’m just a talking lamp.” She states before returning to her job. That being a lamp.

“Well?” I ask while looking at Lilith.

“Well…” She starts while rubbing the back of her head. “I’m not sure. The idea is sound but I have to discuss this with Lydia first since she is the Guildmaster. But honestly, I’m still not convinced with the idea. I mean we don’t even know her.” She points out.  

“Isn’t that true for every single kid that walks in here?” I point out myself.

“Yeah but those are just kids, and she is…or perhaps was part of a cult. She could still be a source of trouble for who she was. It could be risky.” She explains which I guess is a valid point.

I understand her concerns, but unlike her, I have a lot of…“personal” experience with “Jessica”. To a point where I know for a fact, she is both a coward and a bit of an idiot. So I don’t think she is going to be too much trouble and maybe just a bit annoying to deal with. Except for her fellow cult members who might be trying to silence her. That could be a problem.

But that is Lydia's problem, not mine…is what I would say if I wasn’t the damn receptionist. I am basically first in line to whatever bullshit comes through those doors. Which means…

“I’ll just quickly inform Lydia about this situation. You just keep an eye on her again ok, and if anything else happens just…uhm…scream like you always do ok?” Lilith states before quickly dashing off before I could even get a word out.

“Lilith wait the fu…” She is already gone before I could finish my sentence.

For FUCKS sake. I thought I was called here to aid with the interrogation and not to play watchdog. The only thing I learned today is that “Jessica” will most likely stay here and that there is a Gengar named Garry.

Why do I have this feeling that things will get even wilder from this point forth? Knowing my luck it probably will. Instead of “fixing” one of my problems this whole “Garry” shit might have created more for me in the future.

Will I ever catch a break in this crazy fever dream of an existence? Why do I even ask, of course not. This world wants me dead no matter how it happens and I’ll be damn if I don’t make it as difficult as possible. Make this world suffer before it can hand me the final blow.

“You hear that world. You shall break all of your teeth on me before I allow myself to be swallowed. Mark my words.” I declare while shaking a fist at the ceiling.

“Didn’t know you were into vore. But hey I won't judge.” The sentient light bulb then comments.

“Fuck you.” I flipped her off.   

Chapter Text

OH MY GOD IT HAPPENED AGAIN! The instant I sat down with my cup of coffee is the moment when the entire room lost its color. Time has suddenly stopped yet again with Hector about to beat the shit out of a Luxray for spilling a can of beans all over the floor, Mat about to start a fight with a Houndour for misjudging him for a girl, much to Snow's dismay and Lenne standing just a meter or two in front of me about to waste my day with more human related questions. Notebook and pencil at the ready.

That is the only silver lining to all of this. Lenne is standing there completely frozen, like a statue with all of her colors missing. Granted, she is mostly pink, but you know what I mean.

Great . I think to myself while reaching for my mug and quickly realizing that I can’t pick it up now. It’s also frozen and grayed out and stuck in stasis. Glued to the desk as if it’s part of it. Now I can’t even enjoy my fucking coffee.

FUCK! And that stupid pen is still defying the laws of physics, mocking me. I swear this day can’t get any worse.

“Hnnngh” I grumble to myself out loud while leaning back against my now rock-hard chair. What am I supposed to do now? Just sit here and wait until the world turns back to normal…IF it turns back to normal.

I knew allowing “Jessica” to join the guild on probation was a bad idea. I mean look what happened. It's been only a day since she joined and the world has already gone to shit. Granted this isn’t the first time. Just a couple of weeks back the world almost ended yet again as the sun was allegedly on a crash course with this planet or was it the other way around? Anyway, it happened and I barely missed it too because I rarely step outside anyway to witness these world shattering events so whatever.  

But still, I like to blame “Jessica” for this time-stopping shit just to make me feel better.

Which worked.

Now I feel better and much more content with my situation.

If only I could drink my FUCKING COFFEE!   

“…MEEEEEELVIN!” I suddenly hear Valori scream. I thought she was still sleeping. I watch her come running into the lobby before finally seeing me.

She stops while panting. “Wha-whats going on? The world suddenly turned all gray with everyone frozen in place. Wh-why is everyone like this? W-whats happening?” She asks before finally noticing Lenne frozen next to her and flinching back a couple of steps.

I shrug. “I don’t know. But it seems time has stopped once again. That’s all I know really.” I reply nonchalantly while looking down at my still-colored self and then Valori’s.  

We really stick out now, especially her. With her brightly green patches of fur and hair in this 1920’s silent film we find ourselves in. My blue and white striped Pajamas look washed out in comparison, and they kinda are because these are the same jimmies I wore when first waking up in this world. 

“WHAT!” She replies/shouts. “T-time has STOPPED?!” B-but how? How is this possible?” She asks, this time in full panic mode if her expression and accelerated breathing is anything to go by.

“Relax,” I announce while raising my arms. “This has happened before. It’ll fix itself like last time…maybe…So just sit back and wait it out.” I reply before throwing my legs onto my desk to make myself a bit more comfortable…

…yeah no, this still sucks. There is a reason why rock-hard chairs aren’t a thing, and this proves it.

On the other hand, Valori is dumbfounded. “Ho-HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED WHEN TIME HAS LITERALLY STOPPED?!” She screams while gesturing at Lenne’s frozen form to prove her point.

It's funny how quickly she goes along with the “time has stopped” idea even though I only just told her about it. I could probably tell her that Zombies are real and she would probably buy it as well. But to be fair, what else could it be from her point of view? Everyone is frozen. Heck, I can even see a Piplup (can’t believe I am seriously starting to remember all of their names) to my left frozen in the air mid-air alongside a stack of books he was carrying.

Just seconds away from falling onto his beak whenever time returns from its piss break.

You know what? Maybe I am being a bit too harsh on her. I mean she is still trying to adjust to her new life and now this shit happens. I too would be flipping the fuck out if I wasn’t already pre-conditioned to handle all of this nonsense this world can throw at me after a long time working here. Like “here”, inside a video game franchise turned real about super-powered animals beating the shit out of its other type of “here”. That realization alone should remove whatever ounce of sanity a person has left, and any semblance of surprise the world can throw at them. That, and for me spending WAY too much time on the internet in combination with what I just described, but that is a thought for another day.

Right now, I have to explain myself to her before she goes into cardiac arrest or something.

I don’t feel like explaining myself to Lenne when she suddenly realizes that there is a dead body right next to her. Not to mention Hector.

“Valori Relax. Shit like this is normal. I mean just over a month a Meteor was on a crash with this world before it got blown up by a giant sky snake to prevent the worst from happening. Or so I was told. Trust me, disasters like these are quite common. Which is why these Guilds exist to stop the apocalypse before it can even get started. So just sit back and relax. This will fix itself like last time. Where a group of Pokemon working for another guild were successful at restoring time. Again, that’s what I heard, which also again emphasizes why these guilds exist, to help fix problems like these. So again you have nothing to worry about.” I explain, trying my best to calm her down with what I know.

Which isn’t a lot. But hey it's better than nothing. At least it did the trick and she looks a lot calmer now than she did just a few moments ago.

Not by much, but at least she is no longer on the verge of passing out, which is a start.

“I…” she starts before looking around. She looks at the black-and-white world around her until she looks down at her own paws, her brightly green-colored paws.

She sighs. “If…if you say so, I guess.” She replies before looking back at Lenne and waving a paw in front of her in hope of getting a response. A reaction. A sign of life.

“Don’t bother,” I announce while crossing my arms. “She won’t respond, neither will the others,” I point out.

“But…we gotta do something. We can do something, right?” She asks, still looking up at me.

“Nope. I already tried last time. But no amount of funny hats and drawings on their faces did the trick. But it did create a lot of confusion once everything returned to normal. In fact…” I pause before pulling out a black marker from my pocket. The same one I had with me when I woke up in this world.

Don’t ask me why I had a black marker stashed inside my jimmies back pocket. The fewer questions to ask about that the better.

“…do you want to help me pass the time? We’ve got a lot of faces to draw on.” I offer while wiggling the marker flirtatiously in front of her.

“Wa-wa-what? W-why” She asks/stutters.

“Simple. I’m bored and I don’t think I have access to Lydia's hat collection anymore, because of last time. So this marker will have to do.” I explain while still wiggling it around to try and convince her.

But instead, she looks even more confused than before. Giving me this “what the fuck” type of look.

Anyway, I just took her confusion as a yes as I uncapped my marker and made my way around my desk to start with Lenne.

Oh, I am going to take my sweet, sweet time with her. Revenge is a cruel bitch after all. Revenge for that whole “potion” incident.

“Let's start with her face. Then you can maybe draw on the rest of her body if you want to.” I declare before drawing a moustache underneath her nose. You know, the classic.   

Valori just continues to stare at me while I continue with my artwork. Silently judging me most likely while I draw circles around Lenne’s eyes.

“Here want to give it a try?” I ask mid-circle while offering her the maker.

She just stares at it. Confused and even slightly disturbed, but after 10 seconds or so of silence she finally shakes her head before grabbing the marker with her mouth.

Disgusting. I’ll have to make a mental note to sterilize my maker once this is all done. But for now, let the art competition begin!

Wait, why is she starting on her ass?

Chapter Text

Lydia is silently glaring at the two of us as while me and Valori sit quietly in our seats. With Valori trying her best to nervously hide behind with her long ass hair while I on the other hand just casually sit there. Leaned back, legs and arms crossed and looking a bit bored. She’s been glaring at us for like the past 15 mins or so. Which is boring. I still have work to do, plus the big black doodles on her face and parts of her body don’t exactly make her look intimidating or threatening if that’s what she’s trying to achieve here. Rather she looks ridiculous. In fact, that crude drawing of a penis on her forehead almost makes me smirk.

Almost.

Especially since I was the one who drew that. Fun times.  

She finally sighs, breaking the awkward silence. “You know what, there is no point in getting angry about this. I already know you well enough that YOU just find it funny. No matter what I tell you.” She asserts while glaring at me. “But you.” She switched her gaze over to Valori who just tries to sink into her seat even further. “I honestly would have never expected for you to join his antics. Do you have any idea how hard it is to wash this out?” She points at a crude drawing of a bird on her left forearm. “It will at least take me a whole day to get myself fully cleaned out, and not just me. You did it to so many other Pokémon as well. What were you two thinking?” She demands while switching her focus back to the two of us.

I raise a hand. “Can I get back to work? I’ve got a few new recruits to write down and process.” I casually ask.

“NO, you cannot. I am not done berating you!” She argues, hitting the table with her hand.

“But you just said that there is no point in getting angry about this. Yet you are getting angry about it.” I point out.

“That’s because of how casual you are acting! As if you don’t give a shit!” She declares while hitting the table this time with her fist.

“I do give a shit.” I dispute. “I just think you are overreacting. Shouldn’t you be happy at the fact that time has been restored once more? I mean that should be cause for celebration, right?” I point out.

“Yes it is, but I still want to know what in Arceus' name gave you the idea to start drawing on everyone? Didn’t you have anything better to do?” She asks.

“No!” I flatly replied.

She was about to argue before she paused. She then finally sits down and sighs.

“You know what, never mind. There are far more important things to focus on right now. Like trying to bring everything back in order. Some Pokemon within the guild are still in a state of shock and I have to help Mary to calm them down.” She explains before closing her eyes and crossing her arms. Leaning against her seat.

“So, does this mean I can go now?” I ask.

Her eyes immediately shot open. “NO, you’re not getting off that easily. Not this time.” She declares before getting back up. “I’m going to assign “Jessica”, as you keep calling her, over to you now as punishment. It's now your job to get her settled in and to also keep an eye on her.” She declares while pointing at me.

I immediately got up. “WHAT?! ME?!” I react. “I’M NOT GOING TO BABYSIT HER! SHE IS THE MAIN REASON WHY MY INSOMNIA HAS GOTTEN WORSE OVER THESE PAST FEW WEEKS! PLUS, I’VE ALREADY HAVE VALORI HERE! WHAT ABOUT HER?!” I gesture to her to illustrate my point.

Lydia was about to reply before the door to her office suddenly opened.

“Hello. Guildmaster? Can we come in?” Snow asks as she pokes her head through the opened door.

Lydia suddenly perks up. “Actually, you’re just the Pokémon I wanted to talk to.” She declares happily. I don’t like her sudden tone shift.

“You…did?” She wonders before fully revealing herself. Mat is there too but he's a little shit so who cares?

Lydia nods. “Indeed. Would you be ok with the idea of taking in a third member? I think it’s about time.” She declares while peering over to Valori. Who is no longer using her hair as makeshift curtains and is now curiously gazing at the scene around her.

“Hold on.” I hold my hands up. “You want her to go with THEM?” I point out. “On missions and shit?” I call out.

“Yes.” She nods. “I think it's about time that she learns how to be a Pokémon. Yes I know she is still confused and perhaps even scared. But, staying here all day is not going to help her either. If she wants to learn more about herself, and, as you would put it “grow some balls” then this is one of the simplest options out there. Plus, I have to agree. Looking after two Pokémon at the same time isn’t easy, especially for someone like you. In fact, given your character and bad influence as a whole, I think it's a horrible idea. You’d just be better off doing your job then watching over others.” She confesses with a deadpan look.

“Then why hand me “Jessica” then if you think this is a terrible idea?” I ask loudly.

“As punishment obviously, and the fact that she’s partially your responsibility. She is here because of you. Plus who knows, you might be able to get more out of her then Lilith could. Since she believes that you are this god-like being. She might listen to you.” She explains as a matter of fact.

I just grumble to myself. “I don’t get a bloody choice in this don’t I?” I ask even though I already know the answer.

“No.” She replies with a flat expression.

I groan. “Why exactly are you trying to make her talk anyway? Those cultist nutjobs are only after me. So, it’s my problem not anyone else’s.” I argue.

“Maybe.” She sighs. “But even if that is the case, it still concerns ME because I’M the GUILDMASTER, it is MY job to care and to look after everyone around here. Which includes YOU. So don’t be so self centered and stubborn and expect that you can do everything yourself. Because you can’t. You're part of this team and therefore part of the family, and as family we look after each other. So once again don’t expect us to just idly sit by while one us is being threatened or worse. We're always ready to help. So don’t forget that.” She explains before ending it with a big long sigh. “Anyway, besides that there is more.” She pauses before sitting back down and crossing her arms. Closing her eyes. “You say they are only interested in you which might be true, but things have started to escalate beyond that.” She explains before opening her eyes again. Looking serious.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well…” Snow suddenly steps in. “There has been that one major incident that happened in the town right before time…well...suddenly stopped.” She pauses while awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck with a paw.

Mat just rolls his eyes. “We were frozen. We hardly saw or felt anything while time stopped. Heck I can’t even remember that much. So I don’t know why everyone is still making such a big fuss about it. It just…happened.” He dismisses. Good to know that I am not the only one who takes “the end of the world” so lightly.

Despite our many differences, there are still a few things we can relate to. Which is cool, I guess.

Either way this still didn’t answer my question.

“So what happened then?” I ask while I gesture for her to go on.

“It relates to the local church of Arceus.” Lydia responds instead of her, forcing me to look at her.

She continues. “It was vandalized the previous night. Someone decided to be funny and wrote “Down with the false gods!” and “Arceus sucks!” on every available surface. Though I have to admit, the last one is a little bit funny. But that’s besides the point.” She dismisses which makes me raise an eyebrow.

“Yup this sounds like something a cult like that would do. Especially the one “Jessica” is from.” I comment while crossing my arms. ‘Arceus sucks’ yeah sounds about right.

“So, now you understand why it's beneficial for us to make her talk. We need to find out where they're hiding and possibly bring a stop to them before things can or could get worse. I know you hate her but this is still very important. Those Pokemon living at the Town nearby already have enough things to worry about thanks to how unstable our world has become. With Ferals becoming more aggressive, with outlaws becoming bolder, and with natural disasters becoming more frequent. That’s without even mentioning the whole time thing. These Pokémon certainly don’t need a local cult to also stir up trouble on top of that.” She pauses before giving me a serious look. “So, can you at least try?” She asks while leaning forward.

“Ugh FINE!” I scream while throwing my arms up. “As long as it makes you bloody happy.” I reprimand which made her smile.

“Great, it's settled then.” She calls out before unceremoniously switching her attention to Valori who has been quiet this entire time. Lydia's 15 minutes of quietly judging us is over girl. So speak up. But maybe there is another reason why she’s still quiet. I mean she’d just been drafted without her consent. I’d also be shocked into silence if I was her…actually…no, no I wouldn’t. I would be bitching and complaining almost immediately, just like now. So I have no idea why I made this comparison.

Anyway, Lydia is currently explaining to Valori why going along with Snow fox A and Snow fox B is a good idea. I on the other hand can’t be bothered to give a shit at this point since my day is already fucking ruined, knowing the fact that I now have to babysit “Jessica” of all people.

I sigh. “This sucks. Maybe drawing that dick on her forehead was a bit too far. I should have just stuck to the silly hats then. Fuck…” I groan before burying my face inside my hands and feeling so incredibly exhausted.

I need my coffee. Lydia didn’t even give me time to go make it before she forced me into her office. Which sucks.

First order of business after I leave is head to the kitchen and make myself a damn cup of coffee…if Hilda lets me. She may be shy but she can be extremely picky as to who is allowed into her kitchen and at what hour.

A strange combination but whatever.

“Uh…can I leave now?” I ask while raising my hand.

Lydia pauses. “Sure, just stay out of trouble…please.” She emphasizes while giving me a stern look.

“Yeah sure.” I reply dismissively while finally getting up.

*sigh* Leck mich am arsch alter.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Ma’am, MA’AM!” I shout, trying to get the praying mantis looking Pokemon’s attention.

She jumps. “Ye-yes.” She reacts while looking quite startled.

I dismissed it. “Ma’am can you please give me you and your son's species name so that I can write it down.” I ask while tapping at the application with my pen to emphasize my point.

She blinks before looking apologetic. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was just…thinking you know. I’m just worried for the future, for my son and my family after the world suddenly froze a second time in just a few months. I was just…” I interrupted her.

“Ma’am, please. We all have our problems. But can you please just tell me your species name so that we can move on. You’re holding up the line.” I proclaim while getting a bit impatient.

She again pauses before looking over her shoulder to note the long line of Pokemon’s behind her. All of them “patiently” waiting for her and her son to finish their registration. A big blue Dinosaur with ears is even tapping its foot “patiently” to emphasize how “patient” they are. I hear her gulp before looking back. “Oh yeah, m-my apologies. M-my species name is L-leavanny and m-my son is a S-awadloon. Our names are Pe-penelope and N-nero.” She meekly stutters much to her son’s annoyance.

“Mom, stop being so on edge. Everyone is staring at us.” He complains.

“O-on Edge? Nero we just survived another near world ending apocalypse. How can you be so calm?” She argues.

He sighs “Mom, calm down. This is exactly why I decided to join this guild to help keep you and the world safe. We need more Pokemon willing to stand up and fight for this world or otherwise, the end might come, and I don't want that to happen. So instead of doing nothing, like most Pokemon’s do, I decide to FIGHT, for us and this world.” He declares, which is quite impressive I have to say but also quite naïve considering the fact that most Pokémon I've met so far are either insane, murderous, insanely murderous, murderously insane, Idiot, Selfish, and just general dicks all around. Oh, and then there are also “Jessica’s” friends who are actively trying to undo the world by making me a god or whatever. If that’s even possible.

So, the chances of things getting better are quite slim. Especially if I do become a god somehow, again if that is even possible. But I still applaud his enthusiasm. So keep going kid. Either towards victory or an early grave. Whatever comes first.

“Hey Melvin!” I suddenly hear Lilith call out.

I turn my head and watch as she walks up to me with a certain Umbreon following her. Its stubby looking tail and cloak (can’t believe they allowed her to keep that) making it immediately recognizable. Though even without those I can still tell who this is because it’s the only Umbreon I’ve ever met so far.

Regrettably I may add.

My mood immediately soured.

“Oh for fucks sake.” I sigh.

“Hey man, how are things going?” Lilith asks, obviously to my mood or actively trying to ignore it. As if it matters.

“Eh, as usual.” I shrug. “Though I have to say, we are getting quite a lot of new recruits lately. Which makes me wonder why you know.” I sarcastically add with a flat look.

Again she ignores it. She smiles. “Hey, the more the merrier right? Though Hector doesn’t seem to be on board. I watched him earlier almost throwing a trio of teenagers out a window for not throwing their trash into the correct colored coded trash bins where they belong. You know how serious he can be when it comes to trash. I just think he is overreacting. But who can convince him otherwise? Even Lydia doesn’t want to challenge him on that and she is the freaking guildmaster.” She prattles on before pausing. “Anyway, here is “Jessica”. Hope she won’t be too much of a burden to you like how she was for me. Maybe you can convince her to talk. She refuses to even talk to me as of late which is really annoying when I’m trying to teach her the ropes around here. As you can imagine.” She states while giving her a sideways glare.

“Bu-but I already told you my actual name. Why do you still call me Jessica just like the human?” She half-heartedly protests.

“Because it's funnier.” She replies with a smirk. “Plus the name now kinda sticks. You can thank Melvin for that. Anyway, imma leave. Give me a howler if there is trouble, ok?” She then adds before walking away. Leaving me with yet another burden to deal with.

“Hey look, is that an Umbreon? But, where did its tail go?” One of the kids further down the line asks. Probably another poor soul who thinks they can make a difference in this world by joining this guild. That’s not how it works I’m afraid. This isn’t the Justice League or the X-Men, but rather just a place for rescue teams, explorers and bounty hunters to congregate in an official manner. But it’s not my job to tell them. If they want to throw themselves at the closest bad guy and dream about fame and glory then be my guest. My job is just to just stamp their names so that we can keep a record in case one of them bites the dust or goes missing (which is almost the same thing).

Morbid I know but that is just how I see it. It’s like signing up a bunch of childrens who want to become policemen because they saw RoboCop or something. I just get the impression some of them are getting the wrong impression, but to be fair, what do I know? I used to work as a receptionist at a motel at the edge of town. So I am not exactly qualified to give life advice. So I’ll just keep quiet and do what I get paid for.

Signing up cannon fodder.

“Jessica” Come over here.” I call out while filling in the last few brackets.

“Uh…ok!” She replies a bit meekly before awkwardly making her way over to me with her body now fully covered. She must have done that after the kid pointed out her lack of a tail. Didn’t know It was such a touchy subject for her. Good to know, I guess. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. You know, bully her about it in case she misbehaves. But for now…

“Here you go.” I hand the kid his papers. “Take these to the guildmaster and she will decide if you are qualified enough to join this guild. Either way, Welcome to the guild kid.” I declare with a complimentary smile at the end.

Because I have too.

“Sweet!” He exclaims before showing it to his mom. “We did it, come on, let's talk with the guildmaster!” He declares before pushing his mom to get a move on.

Literally.

Like pressing his head against his mother’s calves to push her to move. I think he lacks arms, at least in his current evolutionary stage he does. Wait…if he doesn’t have any arms then how did he…ah fuck it.

“Ok next please.” I call out with a Vulpix and an Eevee next in line. By Vulpix I mean the fire version not the ice version like Mat. As if keeping track of so many different species of Pokémon wasn’t bad enough. Now they even have versions. Lenne has to seriously explain this shit to me if she can stop yapping about humans for at least 10 god damn seconds.

But until then…

“Ok, Name, Species, Team name.” I halfway order with my pen and a brand-new application at the ready.

All I got as a response was them looking a tad bit intimidated.

“See, your words inspire fear and respect in those around you. This should prove to you that you are meant for far greater things if you just listen to what I’ve been telling you. You can be a god.” “Jessica” suddenly interrupts me which almost made me groan.

“Jessica” these are kids, they’re not exactly hard to intimidate. Plus aren’t you supposed to be quiet? Just give it up already, I am not joining you or your dumbass cult to go chant in front of a pentagram or whatever. I am content with what I have and that is that. So drop it.” I argue.

“Hey, we aren’t dumb. Also, it’s not a cult. It’s a congregation of like-minded Pokémon who see Humans as the true forerunners of this world and see those so called “Gods” as nothing but tyrants and imposers. They are the ones who are causing all of the pain and suffering in this world. I mean who do you think creates all of those earthquakes for example? It's Groudon. He's the one moving the earth underneath our feet and destroys entire Towns and Villages because of that. Those are the monsters, not us. We simply work to expose their tyranny and lies and to usher in a better future for all of Pokémon kind. We are visionaries, disciples and not some crazy cult.” She argues, which is again the same shit, only worded a bit differently but still the same. We are the good guys, they are the bad guys bla bla bla. I’ve heard it a million times now.

The problem now is though, that she is doing this in front of everyone. Here. At my Desk. During my fucking shift.

I knew she was going to cause trouble.

“Jessica”. Shut up. I’ve heard that crap a million times already, and just like before, I don’t care. So just sit there, be quiet and stop wasting my time alongside everyone else’s. So just shut up.” I reason, trying so hard to not to scream at her

“Yeah but…” She tried to argue before I cut her off.

“I said ZIP IT. I am not going to argue with you. Not here, not now. Especially here in front of everyone. So please , let me focus. On. My. Job.” I emphasized at the end. Getting really tired of this crap as I quickly returned my attention to the two vulpines in front to desperately change the subject.

They look confused alongside all the others behind them.

“I…didn’t know this guild is affiliated with cults. That…not what me and my friends were looking for. I guess we’ll better leave.” The little Eevee disappointedly states before he and his friend just turn around and walk out of the building. The others surprisingly followed suit. All of them voicing their disapproval that this “once” prestigious guild now hosts cult ideologies and what now. Some were disappointed, others shocked, while some were even disgusted.

To say I was speechless would have been an understatement. I couldn’t say or rebuke their accusations as I watched them all clear out the building. Leaving me, “Jessica” and a hand-full of other guild members just hanging out completely stunned.

I eventually regained my composure and just dropped the pen I was holding and buried my face inside my palms.

I loudly groan.

“Well…I would like to say that we are NOT a cult. But I guess at this point no one is really listening. So, I’ll just save it I guess.” I hear “Jessica” calmly comment next to me.  

I want to die.

Lydia is going to kill me for this. I just know it.

Chapter Text

Let me start this by saying that this wasn’t my idea. Either way I am here, standing in front of a nervous looking Hilda with my hands resting inside my pocket.

Hilda for her part just stands there, nervously tumbling her fingers while looking off to the side.

“I…don’t really mind having you here to help me out in the kitchen but does this…stranger really have to be here as well? Lydia already knows that I don’t do well around strangers.” She mumbles that last sentence to herself while trying to avoid looking at the so-called “stranger” next to me.

“Yes.” I reply with a deadpan look. “Jessica” has to be here because I am still assigned to be her guardian. Can’t have her be unsupervised for even a minute in case she causes another scene.” I reply while looking at the Umbreon next to me with a frown. One which “Jessica” returned with an awkward smile of her own.

I just pinch the bridge of my nose and give out a loud sigh. “Jessica” was the one who fucked up and not me. So why did I get roped into kitchen duty with her? Oh yeah because I am also partially responsible for what happened -Lydia’s exact words- and that she is momentarily taking over my position as the guilds pencil pusher while also trying to untangle the mess “Jessica” caused the other day when she decided to open her goddamn mouth. Again, this was all “JESSICA’S” fault for being unable to NOT be autistic for at least 8 fucking HOURS. So now as a result me and the cult for brains are now stuck with kitchen duty while Lydia has taken the role of damage control.

Why not just get rid of “Jessica” and tell everyone that she has no idea she was harboring a cultist within her organization.

Easy. A win, win for everyone. Except for “Jessica”.

“Fuck you!” I exclaim while glaring at her.

“Wh-what!?” She reacts with a blush.

I pause for a couple of seconds until it dawns on me what she was thinking instead. “Not like that you MORON.” I quickly corrected myself. Stopping that train before it can even turn on its bloody engines, by violently pulling the train conductor out from the driver’s seat.

“O-oh!” She reacts while…looking disappointed for a split second? What the fuck!? Though she quickly opted to just look embarrassed afterwards. You know the normal reaction I was expecting.

I quickly took a few steps away from her after that.

“So, anyway…”I start, trying to move on quickly. “So, what exactly do you want me and HER…” I glared at her with disgust which just made her even more uncomfortable than she already was. “…to do here?” I ask to get straight to the point.

“We-well. Just…helping me out with dishes would be ok. I-I’ll just handle all of the cooking then.” She replies.

“Just the dishes? I can also help out in the kitchen if you want. I also know how to cook, well, a bit at least.” I offer.

“Oh no no no. That’s fine.” She quickly waves her hands in front of her nervously. “I…you don’t need to do that. I-it’s a bit messy in there anyway. I first need to clean it out.” She swiftly explains.

“Oh, well no problem. I can help you out with that instead.” I again offer. But she quickly shakes her head.

“N-no. That won’t work either. Because it's uhm…”She pauses.“ Because it’s a bit too cramped in there for more than just…one p-person. I-I’ll be difficult for you to move and e-even I have somet-times trouble moving through. O-ok?” She again explains, sounding incredibly nervous for some reason.

She gives me an awkward grin, one I returned with a blank expression.

“…ok.” I eventually shrug my shoulders. Weird but ok, I guess. I think to myself.

“Alright, its c-currently 15 minutes past 10 so we’ll have enough t-time to get everything prepared before l-lunch time. Y-you two can already start by pr-preparing the plates, bowls and cu-cups, ok?” She stutters.

“Sure thing.” I casually replied. “Jessica” Though kept quiet. Good. Because that makes it easier to Ignore her. “So, where are they?” I ask.

“They're r-right over there. Inside those wall cabinets b-behind you.” She points at a large row of wall mounted cabinets to my left which are facing the buffet counter to my right. Heh, I should have guessed.

“So we will just take out some plates and place them on the counter to our right, correct?” I once again ask just to be sure.

She nods. “Ye-yes pretty much. Bu-but do p-place them at th-the far-left corner of the c-counter where t-the wall is because the re-rest is reserved for f-food and d-drinks.” She adds while her stuttering seemed to be getting worse and worse with every sentence.

“Hey are you ok? Your stuttering seems to be getting worse.” I ask, feeling just a little bit concerned for her. But just a little. Because I just know it’s going to be my fault if something happens to her while I’m here. That seems to be the trend for me as of late. Which absolutely sucks. Plus, who is going to make me coffee if she suddenly dies? She is the one who does all of the cooking and grocery shopping too from what I know. Going to town once every week to stock up on food and other essential supplies the Guild needs.

So, it’s in my best interest (and everyone else’s I guess) that she stays alive and healthy, and not suddenly kick the bucket due to an aneurysm or whatever. Really brings into perspective how essential this otherwise reclusive goat lady is to allow this guild to run as smoothly as It does.

I mean no one would be happy to work here if there wasn’t any food. I certainly wouldn’t.

Either way, she just awkwardly smiles. “I-It's fine. I…I am just… a bit nervous that’s all.” She dismisses before looking off to the side. Suddenly avoiding eye contact.

“If you say so.” I reply, though deep down I have my doubts. I mean I can tell that she is trying to hide her left hand behind her back which is jittering uncontrollably. Is she suffering from some form of neurological condition? I mean if she has a problem then I am sure she would have done something about it. Like going to a doctor.

I just mentally shrug. I’m just here to do a job and then hopefully get back to my normal job where I can sit behind my desk all day and push pencils. Levitating pencils mind you and a stapler that sometimes likes to fall right through the table, but at this point I just stopped asking questions.

I rubbed my hands together with anticipation. “Alright, let's get to work.” I eagerly exclaim as I turn around.

“Ju-just be sure to n-not break any p-plates alright? They're a bit expensive” I hear Hilda mention before I quickly hear a door opening and closing behind me.
She must have run into the kitchen. Must have kept a stove on or something. No matter. Time to get to work. I think to myself. I open one of the cabinets and get immediately greeted with two full stacks of plates made of white China. Not sure if these are made of actual Porcelain or not, but even so.

I rolled up my sleeves and immediately grabbed the first stack. Carefully lifting them off the shelf and slowly carrying them to where they need to be.

*SMASH*

I nearly jumped out of my jimmies at that noise. I quickly turn around.

“God DAMN IT “JESSICA”!” I scream as I look at the pile of broken plates now resting in front of her.

“So-sorry” She quickly apologizes while giving me an awkward smile. “I…forgot that grabbing things with your paws doesn’t work so well. M-my bad.” She states before rubbing the back of her neck.

“For God’s sake, THEN JUST SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING! GOD!” I scowl before quickly putting my plates down. Now fearing that I might drop these too for some reason.

Great, now I have to do everything myself while she just sits there. God she is not just insufferable but also fucking useless. A match made in hell.

“Wait, I can maybe help out with the bowls. They are a lot bigger to hold onto…” I cut her off sharply.

“NO! Just sit there and don’t. Touch. ANYTHING! You already caused me enough problems. So just be quiet.” I growl. “Now where’s a broom?” I ask while looking around.

“Jessica” perks up. “Oh, I think I saw it leaning near the entrance. Just behind the door. I can go get it.” She offers as she gets up.

“NO, I SAID SIT!” I ordered. “I’ll go get it and you don’t do jack shit. Got it?!” I add as I walk past her.

“I…Ok.” She replies dejectedly, hanging her head. I of course don’t care. Either way, I make my way around the counter and walk towards the exit to see if the broom is hiding behind the door. I move the door to reveal… indeed a Broom, or rather, what’s left of it. Sadly, the thing has seen better days with most of its bristles missing. Making it practically useless.

“Well, this is inconvenient,” I grumble as I make my way back. “Well now I need to ask Hilda if she has a spare” I tell myself out loud as I reach for the kitchen door.

“Hilda.” I call out as I peek my head through the door. “Hmm” I hummed. This kitchen doesn’t look as cramped as she mentioned earlier. Looks fairly normal for a kitchen. Fairly spacious. Clean even. Nothing indicating the so-called “mess” she highlighted earlier. Why was she lying? I think to myself as I invite myself in.

“Hilda!” I once again call out as I casually walk past the stove and the kitchen sink to my right.

“Where the hell is she…” I pause as a peculiar smell suddenly enters my nostrils. That being the distinct smell of smoke. Furthermore, I can also hear something shifting around behind what I presume is the pantry on the other end of the kitchen, with the half-opened cupboard door revealing some food items inside it.

I quickly walked in the closet. “Hilda.” I once more called out. “Hilda what are you…” I stopped once I realized what she was doing behind the pantry.

“Is that… are you smoking a joint!?” I ask out loud. Totally surprised to see substance abuse for the very first time in this pastel-colored fantasyland. Though on second thought, in hindsight, it does make sense.

At first, she didn’t respond. Instead, being content to just keep staring at the wall in front of her with a big dopey-looking smile etched on her face. Until she blinks before realizing I was there, standing right next to her.

She quickly jumps up. “M-Melvin! Wha-what are you…” She stutters, staring at me like a deer caught by the headlights of a speeding vehicle. I on the other hand just look at the still smoldering joint she dropped after she opened her mouth, resting rather innocently in between her feet as she continues to stare at me as if I was the incarnate of death itself.

I might be.

But instead, I focus back at the joint. Still confused before a realization struck me like a bag of bricks. Everything suddenly makes sense. Her behavior, her demeanor and her uncontrollable jittering.

“Wait, you’re a drug addict?” I ask out loud after coming to this consensus. She again didn’t reply. What she did instead was to slowly lower her eyes at the joint still resting on the floor in front of her before suddenly kneeling forwards and picking the damn thing off the floor and putting it back into her mouth. Taking a looong good puff of that thing before expelling a thick white cloud out of her mouth and nose. Looking instantly relaxed once again.

*Cough* “For fuck’s sake.” I try to wave away the smoke.

In response, she just sighs in content before slowly sliding back onto her haunches. Completely ignoring me. Ok, now I was getting annoyed…by a lot.

*Cough* “HILDA!” I called out.

“Wh-what?” She jolts. Looking back at me with confusion.

“Will you *Cough* stop that? Has no one ever told you that smoking inside a kitchen isn’t allowed? Does Lyida or anyone else even know that their Cook is a weed addict?” I demanded as the smoke finally started to dissipate.

“What…N-n-no no no please don’t tell her.” She pleads, finally taking this shit seriously.

“Why Not?!” I scowl. “The last thing I want to see are bits and pieces of marijuana floating inside my coffee. Though in hindsight it might help me to relax-“ I quickly pause. “Never mind! But I doubt Lydia or anyone would be pleased to see traces of meth inside their food. Back in my world you would either be fired or worse, jailed.” I argue

“M-meth, what’s meth ?” Hilda asks, her fear suddenly replaced with confusion.

I blink “You don’t know what Meth i-STOP changing the subject.” I quickly caught myself.

She flinches. “Bu-but I usually don’t smoke inside the kitchen, until today. Be-because the last shipment I ordered got lost along the way, I had to wait an extra week for a second shipment to arrive. It just arrived this morning. I had to do it now just to calm my nerves. I even told Mary about this.” She explains.

“I…” I quickly pause. “W-wait. Mary knows of your addiction?” I ask, surprised that the local NURSE of all people knows of her problem and just…allows it? Like what the fuck?

She meekly nods. Leaving me even more confused.

“And fucking Lydia?” I ask to see if this shit can get even crazier.

It seems it does. “Ye-yes. The only rule she gave me was that I had to always do my business outside, ne-never inside. If she finds out that I’ve broken that simple rule today she is going to be so mad at me. So please, please don’t tell her.” She once again pleads.

I was just baffled at this point. “I Can’t believe this shit. Are recreational drugs legal here or something for both Mary and Lydia to be ok with this?” I again ask. Though she once again didn’t respond as she instead froze up for some reason. Her eyes went wide.

“Hello. ANSWER ME!” I demand before waving a hand in front of her face. Still no responding. “For FUCK sake.” I curse before crossing my hand. Feeling frustrated beyond belief.

Why do I always get paired with the weirdos? Can I please work with someone who is normal? Someone who is just “normal”, “boring” and very much “predictable” like me? A boring co-worker for a boring person.

“Uh…Hello?” I hear “Jessica” call out.

Fuck. I scream in my head. She’s the very opposite of being “normal”, “boring” and “predictable”. I almost forgot about her. If only it stayed that way. I quietly grumble to myself before turning around with a frown. All I can see is her jet-black head peeking through the kitchen door. I guess she’s the reason why Hilda suddenly froze up. Because turning back to look at her I notice that her eyes are actually looking past me, and not directly at me. Primarily at the Umbreon behind me who’s been standing near the door for who knows how long. Watching us, quietly. A thought which causes a shiver to run down my spine. Because who knows how long she’d been watching me whenever she broke into my bedroom in the middle of the night before I woke up. A question I don’t even want the answer to at this point.

What I DO want to know is why she’s here, inside this very kitchen, especially when I told her to sit her ass down and not MOVE. She clearly fails at following even the most basic instructions.

“Jessica, what do you WANT?” I demand.

“I…I was just curious about this scent I kept smelling and I just wanted to follow it. It kinda smells like…”She stops as she takes a few whiffs like a dog” …it smells like those psychedelic herbs we used to use back at the groove. Ahh those bring back some memories.” She states while waging what’s left of her tail, becoming sentimental all of a sudden.

You’ve only been here for a week. I think to myself. Also, I just learned that her cult is issuing psychedelic drugs. Seems legit.

I mean you have to be somewhat high to believe that I, an ordinary human, am somehow capable of ascending to godhood. If ascending to godhood was that easy then earth would have been vaporized long ago. I mean imagine giving the powers of a god to some of those psychopaths running some of the world's governments. We’d all be dead, and I certainly wouldn’t be here to suffer through a deity's bad decisions or whoever decided it was funny to world-swap me over here with nothing but my jimmies and a clean pair of underwear.

Fuck you if you exist out there somewhere, fuck you.

Either way, back on topic.

“Jessica” Go away. I told you to sit by the counter, didn’t I? Plus you're making Hilda feel uncomfortable” I point out, even though saying that she is “making her uncomfortable” is the understatement of the century with how she is now. Completely catatonic. Is she even breathing? I need her to snap out of it because if she doesn’t then who is going to make me coffee later, or lunch for the rest of the guild (but of course me getting my coffee takes priority), AND of course, to avoid getting punished, yet again, for something I didn’t do.

Like turning her into a vegetable because of her unhealthy addiction to grass and her crippling anxiety towards new people. And “Jessica” still being here is not helping.

“But..bu-but I…I just wanted to find out where that smell was coming from. It kinda smells like Mujavah. “She pauses before taking a few more whiffs before smiling. “I love the smell of fresh Mujavah.” She states with an almost goofy smile.

I was about to retort when I noticed some movement behind me.

“W-wait. You’re saying you enjoy the use of Mujavah leaf’s just as much as I do?” Hilda suddenly asks.

I watch “Jessica” nod. “Yeah. It's amazing to release spirits and to attune one's mind with the world around you. Me and some of my fellow brothers and sisters back at the grove used it a lot during our first few weeks of teachings with Master Xatu as it helps to elevate one's mind of the true structure of the world as he once stated. Plus, it’s also super relaxing and calming to the nerves. Makes one really forget that we live in a world of false gods and tyrants. Oh, how I yearn for such peace once more.” She reminisces while again wagging that stub of a tail. Wait, it all makes sense now.

“Oh.” Hilda reacts. “I…didn’t understand most of the things you just said but I do enjoy meeting someone who appreciates the relaxing properties of Mujavah just as much as I do. Do you want some?” She then asks before pulling out a small pouch full of this “Mujavah” stuff out of her ass to show it to her. Her previous fear and anxiety completely gone and replaced with the excitement of meeting a fellow crackhead like her.

I guess they call their version of Marijuana Mujavah here since the pouch is full of those rolled-up balls of dried-up plant material. But that is not the main issue I am having here. The main issue is that now I have two drug addicts who suddenly became friends and are about to share a joint between them.

I can’t believe this shit.

“Do I?” “Jessica” reacts excitedly. “I’d love to!” She then agrees before just trudging past me with the stub wagging turned up to eleven.

I just watch as these two suddenly start to gossip with one another while Hilda rolls up two joints, smiling.

I just cover my face with my hands and groan loudly.

“You gotta be kidding me.” I mumble before looking back at these two happily talking about stuff I couldn’t care less of at the moment.

“Hey Hilda, where do you keep the coffee and milk?” I ask.

She pauses. “Uh…the coffee is inside that cupboard over there, and the milk is in the fridge.” She points out.

“Thanks.” I reply before making a move to collect these items to make myself some coffee.Screw responsibilities. I might as well relax myself just like these two. Guild duties be damned.

Chapter Text

“Alright everyone, please be quiet!” Lydia calls out in an attempt to get everyone’s attention within the lobby. Including Hilda who is standing just next to me with her eyes firmly bloodshot. Not from a lack of sleep or stress mind you, but because she is high, as usual.

Caught her smoking yet again this morning when I had to help out Hector drag out the “trash” (unconscious teens and not actual trash) around back. She didn’t even acknowledge us when we dumped the “trash” just behind a pair of dumpsters. She seemed far too gone at that point. Which I don’t care, and neither did Hector apparently as he just turned around and ignored the weed smoking goat lady doping out behind a dumpster. Either he is complicit, like Lydia or Mary, or he simply doesn’t give a shit, and given the fact that he seems to only care about his damn floors I would say the latter. Though going back to the former really makes me question the morality of both Mary and Lydia.

Either the idea of using drugs for recreational use is seen as socially acceptable around here or maybe Lydia and Mary are hiding something themselves, OR maybe I should just mind my own damn business? I’m just a dude in Pajamas living in a world filled with super powered animals that can either fry you or zap you to death while others can also suplex you through a fucking boulder. I’m not gonna start looking for skeletons where I shouldn’t be looking. Plus I already have enough problems to deal with. Like looking after “Jessica” off all people who I still have to babysit because fuck me. She can’t even keep her damn mouth shut like all the others. Still yapping along about her damn religion while everybody is quiet.

“…and let’s not even get me started Giratina whos…”

“Jessica” “SHUT UP!” I sharply cut her off before getting close to make sure no one hears this except her. “Of all the gods you keep criticizing for being false gods, the one who doesn’t like them either and is -from what I understand is this world's version of Satan- is someone you also talk shit about? Shouldn’t he be the center point of your devotions because that’s what cults do? Taking an entity no one likes and just rolling with it?” I ask while sharply poking her chest to emphasize my point.

“But he is just…”

“Not now!” I cut her off. “Just be quiet before you get us into trouble. Again! I prefer to stay unnoticed and you ranting about your schizophrenic beliefs is making it difficult. Plus, Lydia is talking.” I argue, ignoring the fact that I am basically an alien from another world, so saying that I like to stay unnoticed in a room full of colorful animals is kinda Ironic. But who cares, because I don’t. Plus it’s the thought that matters not the actual outcome, and speaking of colorful critters I think I can spot Valori from over here, standing at the front of the crowd alongside Snow and Mat. I wonder how she’s been doing?

“…I know that for the past few week’s things have been rather…distressing, to say the least. But that is not why I have you all gathered here today.” Lydia began, or continued perhaps because I wasn’t really paying attention up until now. All thanks to a certain “Umbreon”.

Also, Hilda finally seems to be lucid enough to start paying attention too, judging by how she suddenly looks around herself, looking quite confused. Welcome back.

“I like to announce that we are planning a grand expedition this week. The entire guild is welcome to participate. From the newest of rookies to the most seasoned of explorers and rescuers. This expedition will take us beyond the Mountains of Haze and into unexplored lands, far beyond the frontiers, so please make sure you're all well prepared if you and your team are interested in participating. Plus, I think we could all use a little bit of a distraction from…everything that has been happening so far. So, a large-scale guild expedition should be perfect for that. More information about this expedition will be posted on the message boards. If you have any more questions regarding this expedition, feel free to ask them now while we still have time. Anyone?” Lydia calls out while searching across the crowd for any curious looking souls.

A few arms and forearms were raised while the rest of the room erupted into a sea of murmurs and talks between the individual teams. I on the other hand couldn’t care less about this announcement because I know for a fact that I won’t be going. I mean why should I? It's safe here (relatively safe) and for one, I’m not an explorer, plus I don’t know any fancy moves like conjuring fire out of my fingernails or out of my ass. Well, the latter is technically possible if I hold a lighter to it after eating too many greens, but you get my point.

I’m not an adventurer, which is why I will stay right…

“Hey Melvin!” Lenne’s voice cuts through my thoughts like a hot knife through butter. “Are you going to attend the expeditions?” She asks.

I quickly turned around to face her. “No.” I reply with a frown.

“Aww, why not? Me and my sister are joining. You can come with us if you want. It's gonna be fun!” She chirps with her tail slowly going from side to side.

“Once again no. I am simply not interested. Also, someone has to stay here and look after the guild. We can’t all go.” I argue.

“I know.” She nods. “That is why Jirachi and Hector are staying behind. You don’t have to. In fact, I think Lydia wants you to come along so you can finally get some sunlight and see more of what our world has to offer and not just spend the entire day cooped up behind your desk or something. You know, live a little!” She chimes.

“Once again I’m not…wait…what do you mean Lydia wants me to join?” I ask, hoping I misheard her.

“You know, join the expedition? You can ask her herself if you want clarification.” She suddenly pauses. “Ooh it’s been so long since me and sis went on an expedition. It’s like reading a book but you actually get to visit these places described within them. Isn’t that exciting?” She gushes before breaking into a megalomaniacal rant about ancient ruins, lost lands and uncovering remnants of their pasts and what not.

I on the other hand just feel bewildered at the idea that Lydia finds it to be a good idea that “I” of all people need to join their little fellowship into God knows where. The same Lydia who thinks it’s a good idea to hire a weed addicted goat to prepare their meals.

It all makes sense now.

“Hmm, the Mountains of Haze…” “Jessica” wonders. “Ooh, I think Master Xatu once talked about these mountains. Saying that they are one of the oldest mountain ranges in the world, even surpassing the age of some of those so-called gods. Meaning if we travel there, we might be able to find some old forgotten secrets or sources of power of the old world before the time off…”

“JESSICA! Not now! I need to talk to Lydia so be quiet and just follow me.” I cut her off before forcing my way through the sea of colorful monsters so I can speak to Lydia directly.

“Whoa.”

“Hey!”

“Watch where you’re going!”

“That’s my tail you idiot!”

“Excuse me?!”

“Dickhead!”

“Lydia!” I called out once I managed to push my way through the sea of pastel-colored monsters, both big and small. “Lydia!” I repeated when she didn’t respond.

She finally lowers her head at the second try. “Oh, hey Melvin. If you have questions, you’ll have to wait your turn like everybody else. Fair is fair after all.” She responds which is hilariously Ironic.

Fair is fair my ass.

“Then please explain this to me. How is it fair for you to think that -I- coming along on this “Grand Expedition” of yours is even a good idea? Have you forgotten that I am just a squishy guy in Pajamas? How the hell am I supposed to survive out there? I don’t even know how to swing a bat properly!” I argue.

She sighs. “Come to my office after this meeting ok? There we can discuss this in private.” She offers calmly, though I can tell from the pitch of her voice that she is feeling a tad bit annoyed.

“Fair enough.” I accept before finally returning to my previous post by going around this time. Don’t want to accidentally step on a big guy’s tail and find myself outside through a bloody window. I already took my chances once.

I may be impatient, but not THAT impatient.

“See, told ya.” Lenne cheekily commented once I returned.

“Lenne, you're not helping.”

“So wait…does this mean I have to come along as well, on this expedition thing?” “Jessica” then wonders. Shit I forgot about her…again. At this point I don’t know if forgetting that she's next to me is either a good thing or a bad thing. For one I would honestly do nothing more for her to just leave me alone but on the other if she does then that means she is just going to cause trouble and since I am still in charge of keeping an eye on her…well…that means whatever she does becomes, inevitably, becomes my responsibility as well. Which sucks. Which also means…

“I will have to ask Lydia about this first. Along with everything else.” I reply while squeezing the bridge of my nose. Feeling mentally exhausted.

“So, now that you know. Are you going to join me and my sister? I’ll make sure to “protect you” even while you sleep.” Lenne emphasized while giving me bedroom eyes for some reason.

“LENNE, STOP!” She only giggles which makes this even worse. All of the sudden I prefer “Jessica’s” company over hers. Which should be heresy all on itself.

What has my life turned into? Forced to suddenly choose between a human worshipping cultist and a pink cat thing who fetishizes humans.

…I retract my statement.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Ok, Jessica. Just as before I do the talking ok?” I ask while looking sternly at her.

“…Fine.” She replies while looking off to the side.

“Good.” I reply before approaching Lydia's office. I can hear some muffled conversations happening on the other side but I don’t give them too much pause. I begin to knock which immediately stops the chattering.

“Come in.” I hear Lydia's call out.

“Before we start, I just want to say that…” I quickly pause once I notice who else is here. Valori, Snow, and Mat. All facing the Guildmaster and as a result pointing their “junk” directly at me because just like cats and dogs they have the tendency to hold their tails upright. 

They eventually all turn around to face me instead. Thank god. “Oh hey there Melvin. It’s been a while!” Snow happily greets me while being woefully unaware of the fact that she just flashed me.

See this is the problem you get when you don’t wear any god damn PANTS, or any other type of clothing for that matter which no one here does, despite their town hosting a tailor. I even get my clothes from her. All 37 pairs of my blue and white striped Pajamas shirts and pants to be exact. All looking completely identical to the one I spawned with. Because why would I need anything else when my plan was to never leave this building until I either find a way back home or I die of old age. But now Lydia is challenging my philosophy by wanting me to join this damn trip. Which is also why I am here. To safeguard MY philosophy.

Anyway, back to reality.

“Yeah, it has, I guess.” I eventually replied. “Uh, why are you guys here?” I ask, getting straight to the point.

“Well the same reason as to why you are here.” Lydia replies.

“You mean the expedition?” I ask.

She nods. “Yes, Valori, do you want to explain or should I?” She asks while looking at the little girl in question.

“Uh…well.” She began. Fidgeting a bit. “Ever since I…started exploring… I’ve been having these…well…strange visions.” She confesses while sounding a bit distressed.

“Visions?” I repeat.

“Visions?” “Jessica” mimics next to me. “Ooh I am quite experienced when it comes to visions. I always had those when me and my fellow brothers and sisters back at the grove inhaled a lot of…” I quickly stopped her.

“Not THAT kind of visions…I hope.” Though that made me think. “Valori, you haven’t been inhaling suspicious fumes, have you?” I ask seriously.

“Su-suspicious fumes? What do you mean?” She asks.

“You know, like smoking weed or something.” I clarify, only making her even more confused.

“Weed…wh…what?” She tilts her head.

Well, I guess that’s it then. If she doesn’t even know what weed is then I’m sure that she’s…

“I think he meant Mujavah.” “Jessica” suddenly blurbs out.

…for fuck’s sake.

“Wait…how do you know what Mujavah is?” Lydia suddenly glares at us. “Never mind. I guess I’ll just take it from here.” She states, quickly changing the subject, to my relief.

Thank God.

“Just to start from the top, Valori claims that she has been having visions about certain places and events which…from what she described were strangely related to the…well… disasters that have been happening all across the world.”

“You mean like time stopping or reality going on a vacation once in a while?” I clarify.

“Well, yeah, if you put it like that. Alongside a bunch of other things that are happening all across the world. Like natural disasters becoming more common and entire islands sinking into the sea or and so on. Though that last one could just be Groudon and Kyogre having another dispute about whose domain is larger among other things. But I’m not an expert in Pantheonology so I’m just guessing” She then trails off while “Jessica” scoffs. She suddenly sported a frown after Lyida mentioned these names. Must be more gods, I guess, and judging from Lydia's description, two dickheads as well.

Maybe “Jessica” had a point…Oh god did I just agree with “Jessica”? Has her beliefs finally rubbed off of me? That’s…that’s impossible! This can’t be right, right? I…I must be high or something. Yeah, that has to be it. I mean I was standing next to Hilda during the whole meeting and I could smell the “weed” coming off her.

That must be it then. I must be high. That’s like the only explanation I can think of that makes sense. I mean how else could I be siding with “Jessica” of all people. I mean she is…

“Uh…Melvin. Are you ok?” I hear Lydia ask which makes me pause. “You suddenly began to look pale, like you just saw a ghost type for the very first time. Are you doing alright there?” She adds while looking concerned.

“Maybe his lack of sunlight is finally catching up on him? I’m just guessing of course.” Snow comments.

“Or maybe that weirdo next to him finally infected him with her bullshit. Though in hindsight there isn’t much left to infect in my opinion.” Mat was next which earned him a quick glare.

“Fuck you.”

“No, fuck YOU!” He retorts.

“Ok you two SHUT UP!” Lydia shouts. “We’re getting off topic.” She then got up. “ To get straight to the point I called in this expedition for two reasons. One because of Valori’s visions and because I think it's about time, we finally start doing something to prevent further chaos. Other guilds have already started their investigation into these occurrences and it's time we do the same. Valori here once described to me visions of some old relic buried deep within some ruins past the mountains of Haze and I believe it’s worth trying to investigate that. And reason number two…”She emphasizes by sowing two fingers.”…to force you to go outside for once.” She finalizes.

“What?” I react. “All of this just to get me to see the world? I call BS on that.” I accuse, finding her explanation absolutely ridiculous.

“That’s because my first idea was for us to simply go on a simple hiking trip outside this valley. You know, go visit some neighboring towns and get you to see more than just the inside of this guild. But then the time suddenly stopped…twice, and everything just fell apart from there with disasters becoming more common, cult activities increasing like never before, and zealots heralding the end times, and then there is nearby and then Valori.” She turns at the girl in question. “Our human turned Pokémon who suddenly wakes up with visions of places she shouldn’t even know off. Which then morphed this simple trip I had planned for all of us to enjoy into a full-blown expedition. To try and find clues and maybe help stop whatever is causing all of this chaos. Plus, I still think you coming along might also be relevant since you are a human as well, just like Valori over here. So, it’s still plausible that you could be linked to this in one way or another.” She explains before giving off a long and tired-sounding sigh as she drops back down behind her desk.

She seems stressed now that I look at her more closely.

“Guildmaster are you doing ok? You…suddenly look…quite stressed.” Snow deducts for herself. Damn Copycat.

“I’m doing fine. It’s just…I never had the impression that managing a guild was going to be easy when I first took the position from the previous Guildmaster. But all of this....” She pauses.”…with all the chaos going while also trying to calm everyone down and managing things at the same time, it can get…a little stressful sometimes.” She sighs before leaning back against her seat.

A ”Little” stressful. Yeah sure. From the bags underneath her eyes, I can tell it's most certainly more than “just a little”. I can at least sympathize with her to a certain degree. I know how it feels trying to multitask while being under pressure. Granted I don’t exactly have “the end of the world” looming over my head. But I do have my own share of problems. Problems which revolve around one group trying to ascend me while another is trying to kill me…yeah, maybe we do have the same issues. The only difference is that I’ve just gotten used to the madness that is my life right now. Coming from a disjointed family of weirdos and spending way too much time on the internet can really toughen a person mentally I suppose, or should I say “becoming completely jaded”. From the news that constantly says “the world is about to end as we know it” or that “the bombs will soon drop”. I mean who knows, maybe they already did and I somehow managed to dodge a bullet by coming here.

So maybe I should count my blessings then. If only I can say the same about my life, which is still the same by the way, only this time with more talking animals instead of talking apes and crack addicts So…maybe I’ll take back.

There are no blessings to be found here. Just the same old same old.

“I can only imagine.” Snow muses. Wait, did she just take a minute or so to react, or did time paused once again. Usually, I get strange looks whenever I return from one of my mental tirades for just staring off into space for minutes. But not now, nothing. As if only a couple of seconds have passed. Maybe I’m just overthinking things, or, maybe I am just trying to waste time and prolong the inevitable. Like me having to go on this suicide mission.

Yeah, that part still worries and disturbs me.

“Anyway…”Lydia suddenly claps her hands together. “…I’ll worry about the details, you three should prepare for the upcoming expedition which will begin in just a few days. At the end of the week to be exact. Oh and…” She then looks at me. “…Melvin will be joining your team on this as well, if that’s ok that is?” She asks before looking back at the trio in question.

“I see no problem with that.” Snow confirms before flashing me a smile.

“Pfff, not like we have a choice it seems.” Mat reacts, which I sadly have to agree on.

“I-I don’t mind either it…it would be nice actually, too once again…talk with you…N-not that I am saying talking with the two of you is bad. It’s just…” Valori stammers, which made Snow chuckle.

“Ah we get it. You two are the only human around so it makes sense. It’s cool.” Snow smiles. Patting her on her back.

“Hold on.” I called out. “Do I even get a say in this? Like, what if I don’t want to go on this expedition of yours? Have you forgotten that I can’t fight or that I have zero survival skills? And what about her?” I point at the black dog next to me. “Is she supposed to come along as well?” I ask, finally getting to the point.

“Well, to answer your first question, no, no you don’t get a choice. Almost the entire guild has signed up for this expedition which -if I would allow you to say- would leave you and Hector as the only ones staying behind while the rest of us travel, and you know he really isn’t much of a talker. Plus, unless you fancy cooking for yourself for at least two whole weeks -which I know you can’t do- I suggest you come along because Hilda will be joining us as well. Furthermore, I can’t exactly leave you all here alone knowing that certain groups out there want to get you, for one reason or another.” She explains before looking at “Jessica next to me to prove her last point.

And I hate to admit it, but she is right.

“And to answer your second question, yes. Yes, she has to come along as well for obvious reasons. While you’re a magnet for trouble, “she” is going to cause trouble if left alone.” Lydia points out.

“Hey I don’t cause trouble!” “Jessica” rebukes which quickly earned her two sets of eyes glaring at her. Those eyes belong to both me and Lydia respectively.

She immediately shrinks back with her ears dropping against her side.

“Anyway, does that answer your questions?” Lydia asks flatly.

“…yes.” I reply, mimicking her demeanor.

“Great!” She claps her hands, suddenly looking more energetic than she did a moment ago. “In that case, let us prepare for this expedition” She declares while getting up. “I’ll need to finish up a few things first though, so if there is anything else that troubles you now is the time to ask..” She adds before making her way to a couple of chests at the far-right corner of her office.

“There is a lot that still troubles me.” I quickly replied, making her sigh.

“I meant in regards to the expedition.” She clarifies before opening the chest and pulling something out of it.

“Here.” She throws me a bluish looking orb which I barely caught. “This is a connection Orb. You can use this to contact me or Lilith directly if you get into trouble somehow. It’s a long-distance communications device, similar to those “smartphones” you once told us about.” She explains, making Snow whistle.

“Wow, a connection orb? Didn’t know we had one of those. They're fairly new if I recall. They only came out like…a year or so ago I believe?” She comments while tapping her chin in thought.

“Yes, they did.” Lydia confirms. “They're also very expensive. So please don’t lose it alright?” Lydia asks while looking at me.

I sigh. “Fine, I’ll try not to lose it.” I agree before slowly making my way to the door and…probably go make myself another cup of coffee to drown my anxiety or whatever. Only to bump into a certain weed addict once I made it through the door.

“O-oh, so-sorry!” Hilda apologizes before stepping back.

“Eh no problem.” I wave her off. “Say, I’m heading over to the canteen to grab myself some coffee. Is It still at the same place or did you move it from last time?” I ask.

“Uh…” She fidgets before looking off to the side. “I…I just ran out of coffee the-this morning. I actually ca-came here to inform t-the guildmaster that I’m going outside to do some su-supply shopping.” She explains.

I look at her with wide eyes. “Wait…NO COFFEE?!” I exclaim, making her flinch back.

“PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU….”

Chapter Text

A furious set of knockings rang from my front door, rousing me up from my slumber. I groan as I turn around to face the door before slowly cracking my eyes open. The eye gunk makes it a somewhat difficult and painful task. I hate morning gunk, and I hate getting prematurely woken up by some dipshit knocking on the door.

I sigh. “STOP RAPING MY FUCKING DOOR. I’M AWAKE IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT!!” I shout before removing myself from my blanket and sitting up on my bed while resting my head against my hands.

The knocking has given me a headache.

“I just wanted to make sure that you are awake. You do remember what day today is right?” I hear Lilith’s muffled voice calling out from the other side of my door.

This made me ponder for a couple of moments before it eventually clicked. I groaned into my hands, the headache now increasing tenfold.

Fuck, today is the start of the grand expeditions, isn’t it? I think to myself.

“FINE, I’LL GET DRESSED UP AND READY!!” I called out.

“Good, now don’t take too long because the majority of the guild is already up and ready. It’s just you and a couple of late bloomers that still need to be woken up. Both Team Frostbite and the Umbreon are waiting for you outside.” She replies before I hear a set of paws quickly walk away from my door. Leaving me to brood in my lonesome.

How can a pair of paws even knock on a door so damn hard is the question? They're supposed to be soft…right? Those paw pads? At least that’s what the furries kept saying back home…damn weirdos.” I told myself as I slowly got up from my bed. Doing a couple of mandatory stretches and getting a few satisfying pops around my shoulders and back. Actually, the last one hurt, forcing me to hunch over.

“ FUCK!!” I curse while rubbing the area in between my shoulder blades. Am I getting old? Impossible! I’m not even in my 30’s yet, but this world man. If anything ages me faster then it’s this fucking world. With all the stress and bullshit that comes along with it.

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror and spot a single gray strand of hair hanging loosely above my right eye. It's barely noticeable. But in a sea of brown, it sticks out like a sore thumb if you squint hard enough.

I again hummed to myself in acceptance before conducting my morning ritual. Washing my face, brushing my teeth, and emptying my bowels. I always ask myself how their plumbing system works when having normal-looking beds is considered a luxury. But then I forget about it and just continue on with my day. Just like what I am doing right now. Drag myself out of the bathroom towards my closet to see if I have anything else to wear besides…more pajamas.

I’m a man of few tastes. What can I say? Or maybe I just lack imagination.

Another knock on the door. “Hey uhm…are you…” I then hear some muffled shuffling followed by some proper banging.

“HOI, NAKED MONKEY! CAN YOU SPEED IT UP IN THERE? MOST OF THE OTHER TEAMS HAVE ALREADY LEFT. SO, HURRY UP!!” I hear Mat scream from the other side, followed by some more banging.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU INSECURE BRAT! GIVE ME SOME MORE FUCKING TIME SO I CAN GET PROPERLY DRESSED!” I shout back before just picking whatever I can find.

“Mat, stop being such a dick to him. He's going to travel with us so at least have the courtesy to at least behave yourself.” I hear Snow chastising the little runt which is as effective as throwing rocks at a black hole.

He desperately needs to get his dick wet so he can stop being such a puss for being pink. Pink is a manly color, or at least that is what they claim over at Hentai land.

Fucking Anime...

I unlocked my door once I felt appropriately dressed for the upcoming journey to some “hazy” mountain. Honestly, that place sounds more like a smoker’s paradise. If I start to get high climbing a mountain, then I… probably won’t complain. Unless it’s one of those experiences where you start feeling millions of spiders crawling up your legs or seeing killer clowns at the corner of your eyes running towards you. Then I will have lots to complain…and scream.

Yeah, don’t do drugs, kids.

“Alright, I’m ready.” I declare while looking down at my three escorts. A pink fox, an Ice dog\fox thing, and of course, Valori, who is looking up at me with a confused look.

“Uhm…I may not be wearing clothes…anymore...” She awkwardly looks to the side. “But…I'm pretty sure wearing something this thin is probably not a good idea when going on a long expedition. Uhm…I could be wrong though.” She comments while tapping her chin with a paw.

I sigh. “Listen, I don’t have anything else alright? My other clothes are in the washer and I forgot to ask that Tsareena lady downtown to fashion me some proper clothing. So, it's either this or going naked.” I point out before stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me.

“Pfff, I don’t know what the problem is? Most Pokémon are naked all the time. So, I don’t understand why you make such a big deal out of it.” Mat remarks dismissively.

I glare at him. “The big DEAL is that I don’t have fur like YOU. Plus, unless you want to look at my exposed junk twenty-four-seven and be called gay for doing so, it'll be best if you keep those remarks to yourself.” I counter, making him huff but otherwise kept quiet.

Snow tilts her head though “I don’t see what the problem is. I mean most Pokémon run around with their private parts exposed anyway.” She comments, genuinely looking perplexed at my problem.

Valori on her end though was just blushing at the topic while looking awkwardly to the side.

I don't even know how old she is supposed to be. But with her amnesia it’s almost impossible to know. Maybe I should ask her about it when I get the chance, if she managed to regain some of her memories during her time with Team Frostbite.

Another item to add to the bucket list I suppose. A list which just keeps growing without ANY of them having been checked off. I most definitely need a break if I survive this trip…IF I survive.

“Never mind. Let’s just go so that I can get this over with.” I remark as I just walk past them towards the main lobby. The only Pokémon who were waiting for me there were Lydia (of course) alongside Hector the Noob Terror and Jirachi the Star Head who I rarely get to see. Mostly because he prefers to sleep during the day and is mostly active during the night. So, seeing him here in bright fucking daylight is almost like catching bigfoot in the woods.

You just don’t see this every day, and judging by the bags under his eyes it seems like he wasn’t planning on being up this morning. But Lydia probably forced him to just so she could tell him something.

Welp, time to say hi and see what these three are talking about.

“Oh finally.” Lydia frowns after quickly spotting us. Me in particular.

I just shove my hands into my pockets (Yes, these jammies have pockets) as I approach the trio blocking the front door. Lydia promptly gave me a curious look instead once I was standing just in front of her.

“Uh…is this really how you want to travel? Nothing but your…Pajamas, I think, and your flip flops?” She asks after also looking at my questionable choice for footwear.

Again, I just gave her the same expression as I did with the three furries behind me. A deadpan one. “Because I have nothing else to wear. This is all I have at the moment.” I replied.

She sighs. “Eh, whatever. I hope at least the three of you are packed and ready?” She asks after switching her attention to the three quadrupeds behind me.

“Yup, I have made sure to pack enough food for the four of us. Snacks included.” Snow happily replies while patting one of the bags she is carrying. I just noted that all three of them are sporting large bags. Saddles are the best way I can describe them with how they're designed. With two large bags hugging the sides of the barrels. All filled to the brim with…stuff. I hope some of that stuff is a can of bug spray at least, because the last time I went camping with my cousins, I ended up returning home with a quarter of my blood missing and looking like a used pincushion.

Those damn mosquitos man. Plus, it was Alexanders Idea that we should camp right next to a large body of water in the middle of fucking summer.

I have never gone camping since. I always hated it afterwards.

“See, this is how you properly prepare.” Lydia gestures at these three while again looking at me with a frown.

“As a side note I don’t have any bags either.” I point out.

“Well, you could have just…” She shakes her head. “Never mind. You four just go ahead. I will follow suit with both Mary and Hilda. I just need to discuss something with both Hector and Jirachi over here first. I trust you have a copy of the map I provided to every team? The one marking the route and the base camp locations?” She asks.

Snow nods. “Yup, have it right here.” She pulls out a rolled-up piece of paper from her right bag with her mouth and presents it to Lydia.

She nods. “Good, in that case please be careful alright.” She smiles, which Snow, Valori and even Mat to a small extent return.

Huh…so he CAN smile. Well, this isn’t uncanny at all. Almost like seeing “Jessica” acting norma…

“WAIT! PLEASE WAIT!”

Speak of the devil.

“Jessica” suddenly comes running towards us. Panting, and once again covered up by her signature cloak, hiding that stub of a tail she still refuses to talk about. Oh, and she is also carrying a bag over her shoulder.

Why, though? If she is finally going to leave and by extension leave ME alo…oh no wait, she is supposed to come along too. Shit, we almost left without her. Which would be fine, fantastic even, IF I haven’t been granted to be her babysitter. Meaning if she causes trouble, or gets into trouble, it automatically loops back on me because some idiots believe that I am somehow tied to all the chaos that is happening.

The scars on my hardwood desk are proof of that. Furthermore, and I can’t believe I am saying this, but having “Jessica” around could be ‘indeed’ useful. She may be a nutjob still (in my opinion) but her knowledge in the occult could indeed be useful as Lydia once described. Especially so I can better understand her click who believes Humans are beings of divine origins/potential. It all circles back to Humans being nothing but myths and part of this world lore and mythos in some way. (How I don’t know). Ranging from stories about Humans being the embodiments of will to more simple things like Humans being capable of bringing out the best out of any Pokémon they partner with, (Some cheesy My Little Pony friendship shit right there) to shatter boundaries with their endless imagination and tenacity. To mold and change the world around them as they see fit. The last bit kinda references how we Humans back in my world pretty much conquered the whole globe and tamed its lands through persistence, perseverance, and scientific advancements. 

And, lots and LOTS of wars.

Those stories are probably not referencing those, but it still explains why some of them believe that we are the Paragons of Will and Change. We humans tend to change everything, for better or for worse. Depending on our mood.

Also Snow and the others are once again staring at me. With the former waving a paw in front of me to get my attention. Did I ever mention that Snow's paw pads are light pink? A bit of free information for you degenerates out there.

I blink a couple of times. “What? Sorry I spaced out again.” I declare before fixing the collar of jimmies. Pretending as if nothing had happened.

“Uhm, alright!” Snow awkwardly replies before leaning over towards Mat,. “Valori also does that. Is that maybe a Human thing or am I not understanding this correctly?” She whispers, even despite the fact that everyone can clearly hear her.

“Anyway,” Lydia announces. “I wish the five of you the best of luck on your trip,” Lydia adds, enticing us to finally leave.

Snow perks up. “Oh ye-yes of course. We wasted enough time as it is. Sorry, Guildmaster.” She bows before returning her attention back to the four of us. “Alright, let's head for the Mountains of Haze and meet up with the other teams there. Come on, let’s move!” She declares before leading the charge. Heading outside.

Who made her the leader? I think to myself while pressing my lips together in mild acceptance. So, this is it. If this expedition isn’t going to kill me, then the trip to it might, and all I have on me are a set of blue and white stripes and a pair of fuzzy pink slippers to keep me warm.

Am I a dumbass?

Yes.

Am I now regretting my choices?

Yes.

Am I coping?

Yes.

Does it all matter?

No. No it doesn’t. Because if I die on this trip, because of Lydia’s dumbass idea for me to go and touch grass, I will die with a healthy dose of SPITE and dignity attached to it. I will face death right at its ugly goddamn motherfucking face with an expression you give to your friends for telling you the most cheesy/painfully generic pun in human history.

A deadpan expression.

All while telling Lydia, Lenne and “Jessica” (who is probably going to be close to me when I die) to go suck a fat one. Oh, and for whoever kidnapped me to go fuck themselves.

I, Melvin D. Becker. Will not die as a coward but as a man who got sick and tired of all of this bullshit. I will…

“UFF!”

Fall on my face after tripping on a pothole and losing my balance.

Great, if these Pokémon won’t kill me then my own lack of self-awareness will.

I can hear Mat snickering in the background. Little pink bastard.