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“Subject 829 retreat,” A voice echoed in my ears. A voice I hated, I wanted to disobey. Electricity ran through my body. “I said retreat!”
I bit my tongue, a growl would mean more electricity. My tool slid easily into its place on my side. The sharp point digging into the ground below. Ground covered in the results of my training. Weapon 829 would be sent to the field soon. I would be sent to the field soon. The place I belonged, the spot for a weapon.
I turned in my position until I could face the spot where I would wait. Each step I took left a trail of destruction. Trees only met my hips. Somehow I knew a time they weren’t that small. It wasn’t something that mattered. I was just a weapon and weapons can’t remember.
“Hurry it up 829. We aren’t going to feed you if you delay!”
The voice in my ears only made me angry. Something that weapons shouldn’t feel. Weapons shouldn’t feel in general. I took my steps, heavy and destructive, quickly. Trees cracked beneath my feet like branches. I shouldn’t care what a branch was. Approaching the tower where the voice waited I stared down. I couldn’t actually see the owner of the voice. I was taller than the tower. Taller than my prison. Weapons don’t think about that.
“829! Stop wasting time. Get into rest position now. You were ordered to retreat five minutes ago!”
Something almost rumbled in my chest. The echoes of feelings. I ignored them, kneeling in front of the tower. The box that would be my container was dropped over me. The blaring sound of lockdown promised me rest. An empty container, I couldn’t even stand in it. It wasn’t even easy to sit. It wasn’t comfortable. Weapons didn’t care about comfort.
“829 you performed poorly today,” A new voice said. It was near my chest, not in my ears. I tilted my head down. The machine across my eyes left the voice’s owner with a green silhouette. Ally, don’t hurt it. Red meant to kill. “You showed a number of hesitant actions when you were attacking. There was the delay upon being ordered to retreat too. We picked up the anger at your orders today as well.”
I could end them. Act as they liked, destroy the nuisance. But I wasn’t a wild weapon. I was controlled. The silhouette took on the slightest hint of red. It wasn’t the right red. I clenched my fist. A weapon shouldn’t feel. The voice at my chest kept talking. Green with snippets of red constantly flashing over it. I almost acted.
“Because of that you won’t be eating tonight. Rest and perform better tomorrow.”
The green and red silhouette disappeared. I closed my eyes, I could feel the lights go out. The darkness overtaking me. A weapon didn’t need comfort. A weapon didn’t need concern. A weapon didn’t need to eat. I was a weapon. The only thing I needed as a weapon was rest…
My eyes opened with no one calling an order. Something was wrong. A weapon couldn’t register something as wrong. I settled to try and return to my resting state, but a noise caught my attention. I gazed down at the part of me where the noise sounded. Metal being pushed away. Two red forms fell out. They weren’t right, flashing green in the opposite of the voice that told me I wouldn’t eat.
“Rhys, this was a dumb idea,” one of the red forms owned this voice. It made a part of my head pound… A weapon doesn’t feel pain.
“Hey, I never said you had to come with me,” another said. Another pounding bit of pain. I was a weapon .
“I couldn’t let you disappear too. Mom’s still upset about dad and Ryder.”
My head pounded again. Ryder stood out. It didn’t matter. I was a weapon. Weapons didn’t have memories. They didn’t have reasons to care. I had no reasons to care.
“I’m not gonna disappear. I’m gonna look around this place, find them, and we’ll all come home. You shouldn’t be here, Felix.”
“Well I am here so what do you plan to do?”
“I… don’t know…”
I tuned out the voices. The forms were red. Enemies. I should kill or detain. It was what I was here for. I shifted to grab them. The voices stopped and both forms moved. I… hesitated. I was a weapon . I shouldn’t hesitate. That’s not for weapons.
“Wait!” one of them shouted. It was familiar. Weapons don’t have memories. It can’t be familiar. I moved forward. I had to grab them, I had to do my job. “Felix… isn’t this him?”
“Rhys what are you…” The other stopped in the middle of his words. His… I shouldn’t know that. I shouldn’t know things. I was a weapon .
A light blinded my vision. Something interrupting my ability to see. The world around me was wrong. The container was a bright gray rather than the darkness I was used to. As my eyes adjusted the silhouettes changed. They were more defined. It wasn’t just the forms of a unit anymore. There were details. Hair, body shape, things a weapon didn’t need to know.
“Hey, big guy,” one said. I… A weapon doesn’t think, but I was sure that one was Rhys. “Can you tilt your head up and to the left?”
A weapon only takes orders from those designated. The red silhouettes weren’t designated. The colors were changing again. Pink for the one that had to be Rhys, gold for the other one… for Felix. Another shock of pain in my head. Pain that a weapon shouldn’t feel. I followed the order that I shouldn’t follow.
“Look, look it is him! It’s Ryder!” Rhys shouted. I tilted down. Pink was shaking gold… Rhys was shaking Felix. I shouldn’t care about their names. They were targets. They weren’t green. Targets, enemies, things to take care of. I moved again, my hand surrounding the targets. My tool was at my side. I could use it… remove the targets easily. “We missed you.”
They grabbed me. I froze. I shouldn’t freeze. They should run. It should be different. I was a weapon . Both hugged me… hugged what of me? What did I grab them with? I was a weapon. I killed and maimed. I didn’t… hold… humans?
“What are you wearing on your eyes? What is all of this?” Felix asked. I could almost remember the voice. Weapons don’t have memories. I couldn’t remember that wasn’t possible.
“Pick us up already, we’ll get that stuff off you then go find dad.”
I froze as they climbed on my fingers. Weapons weren’t supposed to have fingers. I was a weapon . I knew it shouldn’t happen. I pulled my hand up. I shouldn’t have hands. Up and up I went until the tiny forms were in front of my face. Familiar… So Familiar… Weapons don’t find things familiar.
“Ryder… don’t you know us?” Felix asked. The gold form came closer. I didn’t have protocols for gold. For the first time I felt hungry when they didn’t feed me. My body felt tired. I… was a weapon. I shouldn’t have those feelings. I shouldn’t feel.
“Bring me to your shoulder. I’ll get your weird mask off. It should let you talk too. Why did they even cover your mouth?”
I shouldn’t listen. Gold and pink weren’t the ones who gave me orders. They didn’t dictate where I would go. I was a weapon… I… I brought my hand, a thing weapons don’t have, to my shoulder. Another thing weapons don’t have, but I was a weapon.
“Great. Bet you’re glad I took dad’s tools with me now, aren’t you Felix?”
“Rhys… be careful. I think there’s something wrong with him. Ryder… Ryder, have you seen dad? You guys have been gone for a few years. Mom doesn’t think you’re gonna come home anymore. She’s been crying a lot. Ever since you left really.”
Weapons shouldn’t know about crying. I shouldn’t picture a face when they say mom. Weapons can’t imagine. Weapons don’t have families. I am a weapon. Something tugged at the edge of my vision. I pulled my hand away, only gold came back. The tug at my vision again, gold came through. Another tug at my vision.
“This thing is weird. It’s like what dad brought him home with. It’s gonna take a few minutes, Felix. Just make sure he stays ok while I do this.”
“Right I’ll just catch the giant holding me in his hand.”
“Perfect, don’t drop him.”
I smiled, but weapons aren’t able to smile. I don’t have a smile. This was familiar, but weapons don’t remember. Gold was talking. Felix was talking. More tugs at my vision. Another shock of pain. This time with a face. Stark white hair, green eyes, and… a smile. More pain, the face when the two forms said mom again. Long ebony hair, warm red eyes, a calm loving look. Weapons didn’t know love. I couldn’t know what a loving look was.
“Oh this is actually a bit easier than I thought. A few more turns and…” My vision flashed. “There…” Another flash “We…” another. “Go!”
My vision changed. The container was a different gray. Metal fell down, I barely moved my hand in time to avoid Felix getting hurt. Felix… I knew Felix. I… cared about Felix. My head hurt again. I reached up and grabbed the other form. He yelled, my grip might have been too tight. I dropped him next to Felix… Rhys and Felix… I knew them. Another shock of pain.
“Good morning 829, I’m going to be working with you starting today,” a white haired man said. I just looked away, it wasn’t important. He’d be replaced. “You can call me Vitus.”
Days passed with the man visiting. Constantly talking to me. It was weird. None of the others acted like that. They said I didn’t need socialization. I felt different when the scientist was Vitus.
“829… you can understand can’t you?” I nodded. A smile… stark white hair, green eyes, and a smile. “I need you to do a few tests for me today. After I was hoping you’d let me tell you a story. You actually should be around the same age as my boys. I bet they’d get along with you.”
I didn’t speak. I just followed what he said. I did the tests. Holding something sharp, destroying things. Using all my strength to cause destruction. Trees and other things. I still couldn’t hurt animals. I couldn’t hurt anything I saw alive… The others always punished me. Not Vitus.
“You did great today. I’m proud of you. The others act like you’re mindless, but you aren’t. You really are just like my kids. Maybe I can get them to let me bring them in…” Another smile on that face. It was weird, it felt like only I was seeing it. Another person walked in, the smile died.
“Vitus, we told you it needs to kill the animals. We can’t use it if it stays too docile.”
“I understand. We’ll work on it.” It hurt to know Vitus would do that. He waited until the other left before looking back at me. “They’re wrong. You aren’t too docile. You’re smart and kind. You think like a person should. I’m proud of you.”
“Felix, what is he doing?” Rhys cried. The tiny weights in my hand felt like they could crush me.
“Rhys just stay close, it’s Ryder everything will be fine,” Felix shouted. I heard the plea… I was a weapon I didn’t have a name. I was subject 829. Another shock of pain.
“I was thinking, you should pick out a name,” Vitus said.
He’d stopped with the wide smiles. He’d been exaggerating for me… Eventually he realized I knew. I noticed it when he took a call… his kids called. I hated the feeling in my chest, bits of something painful that they made him look like that and I didn’t. I wanted the looks he had when he talked to them for me…
I tilted my head. Names weren’t for me. I knew that. They said I was a thing, I didn’t need a name. All the stories Vitus told me had names. Heroes with names. I almost wanted one, but I couldn’t have one.
“I thought about one, well actually my wife did. Her name is Dabria. She isn’t supposed to know about you. We thought Ryder suited you. What do you think?” I stared at him with wide eyes. “You’re supposed to be able to fight, to protect people. We thought that it was perfect because it means knight or warrior depending on where you find the meaning.”
I nodded, I liked the name… I had a name, but no one would call me that.
“Then it’s good to meet you Ryder, I hope you’ll talk to me one day.”
More days all the same. Things I knew, things that hurt. Vitus didn’t come back. My name didn’t matter. I was subject 829 that’s it. I wanted to be Ryder. I wished he’d never offered me a chance to think I was Ryder. I never would be…
I curled my fingers up. Eyes of gold stared up in worry, pink in fear. Rhys and Felix. Vitus’s sons, Dabria’s sons. Why did I know them? More pain in my head.
I was lonely. I didn’t know I could be before. Vitus had always been talkative. The new people weren’t. They were angry that I looked at them. Hurt me for it. I wanted Vitus back. He’d probably gone back to his sons, to his wife, and forgotten me. I focused on the only truth I knew. My existence was wrong. Too big, too strong. I was given away. I was going to be-
“Ryder!” Vitus shouting as he ran into my cage shocked me. He was panting, tripping over his feet. The door slammed, something came through after him. “Ryder, you need to get out of here. They want to do awful things. You have to run!”
I tilted my head. I didn’t understand. He ran towards the spot the others always stood. He never touched that spot usually. It was where they hurt me. His tiny hands moved fast as more crashes came from where he entered. I tensed for the pain, but that didn’t happen. Instead I felt light.
“Ryder, stand up!” Vitus shouted. “We have to hurry. The restraints are gone. The monsters didn’t even tell me you were restrained each night. I’m getting you out of here. Hurry, you have to stand!”
I didn’t even realize I wasn’t. I pushed myself up, realizing my legs were lighter than normal. After straightening out completely I stumbled, my arm breaking the place Vitus stood. It cut my neck as I fell, the sharp metal meant to protect him and the other humans from me. He shouted my name again. I was in pain and he was falling… he fell...
“Ryder, what happened?” Rhys asked. I looked at him, kind eyes, worried eyes. He was worried about me. He was always worrying about everyone else, but I… I wasn’t still Ryder. I… didn’t I hurt Vitus? Wasn’t that what happened? “Why are you crying?”
“Ryder… do you know who we are? What did they do to you? Dad said it would be awful if they took you back, but what happened after you two left?” Felix was stoic. Always stoic.I couldn’t know these things. Felix reached out to me, so did Rhys. I leaned forward, tiny tiny hands touched my nose. Another shock of pain, one that finally managed to make me growl. A deep, guttural sound.
I ran. Noises and things hitting my skin. I was in pain, but he was alive. The tiny person in my hand hadn’t woken up. It was my fault. I’d done something. The others would be proud, but it wasn’t who I cared about… That man was in my hand.
“Ugh…” Vitus moaned.
I didn’t stop running. I kept going even as the only person I cared about started to move. I couldn’t give up yet. The noises were growing quiet. The pain on my skin started to die. Trees brushed my face as I ran. It hurt all over, but I would get away. Get us both away. Vitus told me to run. I'd run.
The bright light in the sky had disappeared long before I started to slow down. Vitus didn’t say a word. It didn’t matter, I kept running. My legs buckled eventually. I barely managed to keep from landing on my hands. On the place I had Vitus.
“Ryder…?” Vitus asked. A quiet voice, maybe nervous. Nervous scared me. Would he be mad? Would he finally think I was just a tool like the others? “Did you- Did we get away?”
I opened my fist to stare at the bruised body of Vitus. Bruises from me or the fall or both. I nodded, it had to be true. It was quiet, no one was there. Vitus smiled. The smile he saved for his sons. The smile I knew would never be for me. He waved for me to come close, but I was scared. So so scared. I listened, I came close. His arms around my nose, petting my skin. I could feel his tiny heartbeat. Hear it almost.
“I just need to figure out where we are, then we can go home. They can’t take you from us Ryder,” he said. My eyes stung, Vitus grew damp. I didn’t know what was happening, but I felt something in my chest… something good.
An alarm blared. It was time for me to wake up. Time to test. I was covered in pieces of metal that would hurt me. I held two humans who would get hurt so easily. Another wave of pain forced another growl and brought with it more of my forgotten life.
Traveling for days. Finding a town with others my size. Visiting a home just outside the city. Bigger than the ones we passed. Vitus didn’t talk, but sometimes squeezed my skin. I hoped it was good. I walked towards the house that looked too big next to the others. Out came a woman. A woman with ebony hair…
“So this is Ryder,” she smiled at me. I shouldn’t see her smile, but I could. They always told me I wouldn’t make out the features if I was this high. They put the weights on not long after. It was easy to forget how often I wasn’t standing. “Come on in, let’s get you both cleaned up.”
Days that scared me. The woman… Dabria helped to clean my hair that had been left unkempt. She stayed up high near my head, the others said that I couldn’t allow anyone that close unless I had my restraints. Vitus even did it. They gave me clothes like Vitus wore. Different from the single thing they kept me in. A fabric to grow with me. The first day they managed to remove what they called a muzzle.
“Ryder,” Vitus called. I looked towards the entrance. One that would someday be far from my head, but currently reached it. He walked in with two miniature humans clutching him. I was scared, I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to see what I couldn’t have. “I wanted you to meet Felix and Rhys.”
I stepped closer. I was curious despite my fear. Golden eyes glaring, pink eyes shining. I almost reached out, but that wasn’t allowed. Not unless one of them told me too. Not unless Vitus told me too.
“He has weird eyes too,” the one with pink eyes said… Rhys said. Weird eyes… I didn’t know I did. “Silver… I like that better than Felix’s eyes. Gold is super weird.”
“Not as weird as pink. We have metal eyes, you just have weird pink ones.” The two tiny humans glared at each other. I thought I’d done something wrong. Vitus made a noise he didn’t make often around me. I hoped it was good.
“Boys, you can decide who has the weirdest eyes later. Maybe it’s me because I have green. The only one that isn’t unique in our little family.”
I tilted my head. Family… That was Vitus, his sons, and his wife. I was the problem. I didn’t belong. I… Should I have run like he told me too? It would have been better to stay. I touched the scar on my neck, it had healed in a day, but still felt strange. Vitus said it might always feel weird.
“Ryder,” Vitus made me look at him with just my name. His voice commanded my attention. “From now on, we want you to think of us as your family. This is your older brother Felix and younger brother Rhys. Welcome home.”
“...my brothers…” I whispered. Vitus gave me the smile that had always been reserved for his family.
“I’m glad to finally hear your voice. Don’t hold back here. We want you to be you, not what those awful monsters wanted.”
“Subject 829 wake up process started. Will initiate training in approximately thirty minutes.”
The two forms in my hand shook. Why…? If I ran, why am I here? Where is Vitus? These two are… they’re supposed to be brothers. My brothers. Yet I don’t… Another searing pain. Stronger than all the others. I lurched forward in response. Closing my fist over the two humans who hadn’t changed much to me since that day in my memory.
Years of fun. Happiness. Life with a mother, a father, my brothers. Meeting others who liked me. School, things I never knew about. Stories and fun. No more destruction or pain caused by my hands. I was free and I had a family… A family I cared about.
“Vitus what’s going on?!” Dabria yelled. A horrible day. The sky had turned red that day. I’d been tasked to pick up my brothers. Getting back hearing my own mother shouting made me scared. I ran, I hadn’t run since that day… I didn’t ever want to run again.
“Ryder!” Vitus this time. My own father calling for me was worse than my mother shouting. I found him in a cage when I arrived. My mother was far enough from him that I could grab her. My brothers in my hand had started shaking.
“Subject 829. We found you.” The voice struck my heart with lightning. A voice I thought I’d never hear again. “Come back with us or we will kill the humans who stole you. Starting with Vitus here…”
“Ryder, run. Get out of here. Grab your mother and go!” My father ordered me. His words were never that demanding. It made it clear to me how serious this was. I didn’t listen. I stepped forward. “Ryder, listen to me!”
“Ryder…” Rhys said. He was still in my hand. Felix held him… This wasn’t my family anymore. The story, just like the ones Vitus told, always had to end. It was time I went back to what my life was meant to be.
“It’ll be ok,” I whispered. It would be ok… I just had to leave. I crouched down, dropping my brothers next to my mother. The last time they would be that for me. “I’ll go. Let him go. I made him take me, and threatened them. It was me.”
“We’ll let him go as soon as you take him and us to the new station.”
“Ryder. Don’t listen! Run now!”
“Subject 829, retrieve the cargo and leave.” I crouched down and grabbed the cage Vitus was staring up at me with an unreadable expression.
“Ryder…” I stood up straight, the lights of a plane flashed. I followed, hoping that Vitus… the man who had been my father, would truly be let go.
“Don’t worry Vitus, no one will try what you did. We’ve moved completely remote. We’ll be keeping subject 829 isolated until it’s ready.” A few miles later there was no sign of stopping to let Vitus out. Metal slammed down around me. “First we take care of it thinking it can talk. Then we take care of the one who stole from us.”
I felt the tears staining my eyes. I brought my father to his doom and would go back to nothing. Metal was pressed to my face. The weight in my hand was gone not long after. I had one thought left in my head… I am a weapon.
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Ryder sucked in a sharp breath as he returned to the present. His brothers shook in his hands. Alarms continued to blare. He pulled his hand close to his chest. The family he expected never to see again.
“Subject 829, prepare to be released from containment. We will continue with yesterday’s training.”
Ryder didn’t have time. He opened his fist, his brothers had tears on their faces. Ryder used his free hand to start taking apart the metal all over him. It stung, but he could deal with pain. He growled as it came off. That started a new set of alarms. They kept his noise level monitored during the day.
“Ryder?” Rhys’s voice pushed him forward. He had lives in his hands that he had to protect. Looking down he saw the start of bruises. The start of pain he caused because of what they did to him.
Ryder brought his hand to his shoulder. His brothers climbed off and he continued. The electric pulsers on his arms had needles in his skin. Pulling them off the marks were immediately healed. So much like his throat back then. It was strange to have the metal removed. He moved to his shoulders next.
Ryder pressed his brothers to his neck. Then ripped it off his shoulder. It made him let out a shout. One that might have hurt his brothers. He switched his hold, to rip off the other shoulder restraint. Letting go he focused on the part near his spine. In the hazy moments after they put all this on him, he knew this one was risky.
A long drawn out shout followed this movement. He felt the two humans, his brothers, grabbing his hair and skin. His back arched as electricity jolted through him. It was too risky, he shouldn’t have done this. He kept going though, he couldn’t stop. Finally it was free and he fell onto his hands, panting. Metal clattered behind him in a deafening crash.
“R-Ryder!” Felix shouted. It took all his strength, but he managed to bring a hand up to grab his brothers. He just needed a few minutes. A few minutes and he could stand. He could do this. “Are you… are you ok?”
Ryder nodded. He was ok, he would be ok now. He’d keep these two safe. Especially after saving him. His family was supposed to abandon him. They came for him. The alarm blared again. He wanted to scream, but his voice… his voice wouldn’t work. His voice might have been gone. He couldn’t remember what they did to him to take care of his voice.
“I knew we’d find you. Mom thought it was too late. That they already made it impossible to get you back. I knew she was wrong,” Rhys said. He hugged Ryder’s fingers. Ryder brought his hand close. He nudged each separately with his nose. Before he could pull away the two both had their arms on his nose.
“Ryder… They sent dad home. He went out to try to find you again after a few months. He didn’t come back again. Do you… do you know what happened?” Felix asked. Ryder shook his head. “That’s ok, we’ll find dad. As long as the three of us are together we’ll figure it out.”
Ryder smiled. He couldn’t remember his last real smile. He didn’t know how long it had been. The two looked so small still, but they changed. Rhys’s hair was longer, a darker color. Felix still kept his hair short, but looked a bit stockier. They had changed. Ryder had too.
“Subject 829 Restraints offline. Initiating spinal shock.”
Ryder pulled his brothers from his face. It was time to move forward now. He moved his hand to his chest before starting to stand. He leaned forward so his back pressed the roof of his container. It took all his strength, but he broke through standing to face exactly what he had always seen. This time with all his vision working. They couldn’t block him from seeing the faces of the people they wanted him to kill. Or from him killing the ones he wanted.
“Subject 829. Freeze and return to rest. We will be reinstating the restraints.”
Ryder ignored the order. He looked all around, no one was close. The second he was growling they backtracked on sending someone to wake him up. He moved his feet, crushing the container they hid him in every night until now. Every day they sent him out into the woods. Chasing a red silhouette. One he never could quite bring himself to attack.
“Subject 829! Return to rest!”
He stepped towards the tower. It was smaller than he realized. The metal on his eyes had been making things bigger. He moved his hand, seeing his brothers again. They looked so small. Too small. He couldn’t tell if they were even adults yet. How long had he been gone?
Another step forward, he could smell the fear from the tower. Everything in him wanted to pull out the weapon they made him use. The weapon they forced on him. To use it against them. He looked at his brothers, his tiny tiny brothers. Not even the size of his pinky. He brought his hand to his shoulder again, tipping it so they sat there again. His hair had grown long, they would be able to hold on.
Ryder grabbed his weapon and drew it. He couldn’t tell what it was. Until now it was a tool to him. He held it how they made him. They ordered him. He glared at the tiny tower. The easy thing to destroy. He crouched, it was still so small. He wasn’t sure their home would fit him. Vitus said it always would. He’d grown so much. This tower didn’t used to feel so small.
A small noise from him and the tiny hands on his neck were digging into his skin. He remembered them using his hair, just faintly. His hair tied around their waists as he walked. Just in case. He held the weapon steady, next to the tower. He could see terrified faces staring up at him. How much of him was because of his genes versus what these people did?
Ryder swung. The sound of the slice echoed in the air. He glared down. Before long he stood up straight again. He turned on his heel, stuck the weapon back and took a step. Screams sounded behind him. The tiny hands dug into his skin again. He thought they might even draw blood despite his thick skin.
“Ryder… what did you do?” Rhys asked. He could hear the tiniest bit of fear. It was understandable it had been a long time. He walked away, refusing to turn back.
He kept walking until he reached the spot where the results of his destructive steps ended. He looked around, seeking out the target. The one they said wasn’t real. The small form had already taken to running. How close had he come? How many years had this been? Have they known? Fed him?
“Ryder?” Felix this time. Worried, not scared. Felix was stoic, stoic and trusting. “Why won’t you say anything? What happened?”
Ryder couldn’t make himself speak. It was worse than childhood. Worse than the years Vitus took teaching him words. The only one he managed on his own was brothers. He didn’t take out his sword, he didn’t swing. Instead he crouched, crouched and held out a hand. The small form he was still catching glimpses of actually stopped.
Out of the shadows came the one thing he hoped was wrong. It made sense. This whole time he was hesitating because he knew. He knew the scent of his own family… Knew the scent of their fear. His senses had gotten better near the end of his time with that family. He didn’t… he didn’t belong there.
Vitus walked up, his white hair a mess. His clothes were tattered, but he didn’t look unwell. He walked right up to Ryder without hesitation. Stopping at his fingers, looking up through the trees. Ryder didn’t even know if Vitus could see him.
“A new strategy or really you?” Vitus said. Ryder could hear. He thought he’d heard it before. Vitus had spoken to him other times. Other times when he hesitated. When he swung too high. When he was shocked for failing. All this time he had done this. He had attacked his dad. “Silence gives me my answer.”
Ryder was going to just grab him, but Vitus climbed on his hand. Ryder curled up his fingers, near tears that his father still trusted him. As soon as his hand cleared the trees he saw the bright green eyes that had saved him. A set of eyes that didn’t hold any anger or malice despite everything. Ryder slowly climbed to his feet again. Holding Vitus at his eyes.
“You broke out then?” Vitus said.
Ryder shook his head, grabbing the tiny bodies on his shoulder. He felt the tug on his hair as he pulled them free. Strands likely coming undone. He dropped the brothers from his hand onto his palm. He had no right to view them as family after all of this. Putting the two in danger, attempting to kill Vitus, destroying their lives. He… maybe all he was good for was acting as a weapon.
“Dad!” Felix and Rhys called in unison. Ryder watched the reunion unfold. The two gripped Vitus, they were so much taller. A tall that still looked too small to him. They were only a head smaller than Vitus now. Last time he saw this it was so much more. It had been too long.
The reunion was cut short as something started to shoot at him. He pulled his hands close to protect the humans. Another growl slipped out of his chest. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t go back, he’d keep them safe.
“Subject 829. Release the practice targets and return to containment!” Ryder turned to face the plane. He bared his teeth in a sneer. His voice refused to work.
“We’ll break him free again. Let him go!” Rhys shouted. Ryder stared down at the tiny human. Climbing to the farthest point of his hand. “Just let our brother come home!”
“Subject 829. I repeat. Release the practice targets and return to containment. This is your final warning.”
Ryder growled again. He turned to face them. The roof of the tower sat leaning against it. He should have finally done what they wanted. Killed innocents. Proven he was merely a weapon. A weapon that could be used against them.
“My son has a name! You can try all you want. I'm not giving up on him! Let us all go!” Vitus’s shout made him jump. Even after all of this they trusted him. They saw him as family.
“Subject 829 is a weapon. Humanizing it is why you will remain the practice target. Until it has lost the attachments you introduced we’ll be continuing this exercise indefinitely.”
Ryder’s chest vibrated with a growl. The tiny beings on his hand backed into his chest. It reassured him. They trusted him. He could do this for them. Something in him changed. His body burned and he felt stronger. The growl grew in volume as he glared at the plane. Words bubbled in his throat, his mind.
“I…” It was wrong, guttural. It didn’t sound like his voice. “I am…”
“Subject 829. We will fire on the count of 10…
“I am… no…” His voice still wouldn’t work. Hands tapped his chest, he looked down. Tiny eyes on fire. Eyes promising to stand by him.
“9… 8… 7…”
“I am not…”
“6… 5…”
“I am not a…”
“4… 3… 2…”
“I am not a weapon…” Ryder cupped his hand over his family. The family that hadn’t given up on him.
“1. All units fi-”
“I. Am. Not. A. Weapon!” Ryder roared.
His voice was guttural and deep. It wasn’t how he sounded in his memory. It had changed to sound more like his growl, but it worked. The plane went flying from the force of his voice. He drew his weapon, aiming it towards the tower. His family spoke, but he couldn’t hear them. In that moment is mind had one focus, a memory of his name... ‘ it means knight or warrior’
“I am not a weapon.” He tightened his grip on the weapon… the thing they called a tool. He flattened his palm to look at his family. They weren’t scared, he would keep going. “I am a knight… I am Ryder.”
He stabbed the tool into the ground. Glared at the thing that bound him. What they wanted him to use to hurt others. He closed his eyes for a minute. Just accepting what he’d said. Then he looked straight at the planes he could hear approaching.
“I am Ryder, a knight.” He took a deep breath. “And I will never be your weapon!”
Something happened when he shouted that. The planes stopped, frozen in the air. He didn’t question it, turning to walk away. He’d get his family home and decide what to do later. Aware of himself he could avoid the destruction. He could be careful. Looking down he could see the damage he’d caused to at least Rhys and Vitus… Rhys was only one grab. Vitus had been years.
“Subject 829. Stop. We will hunt you down. You were handed over to us specifically to be a weapon. We aren’t going to release you.”
Ryder looked at his family. The ones that taught him he wasn’t just a weapon. That the world existed and he could be part of it. There was something in the eyes meeting him. Something that pushed him to move forward. To take the steps.
“Ryder, if you try to let them take you again we’re going to come get you again. Mom will even show up this time and you don’t want her angry,” Felix said. That broke the last of his hesitation. Putting on the face of a weapon he turned once more to meet the ones who tortured him.
“Come for me, threaten anyone innocent around me, and I won’t be a knight anymore.” He curled his fingers over his family. Their hands grabbing at the tips hovering above them. Reassurance despite the fingers dwarfing them. “I’ll be a weapon that works against you.”
He could feel a change in himself after he spoke. The threat was far from empty and it was enough those people had to know. He left, taking a path carefully through the trees. Avoiding the destruction these people encouraged constantly. He wasn’t like that. He didn’t like violence or using his strength against others. He wouldn’t be used, not anymore.
After walking aimlessly for a long time, he sought out a clearing. It wasn’t that big to him, but it would work. He sat, ignoring the way the world responded. The way everything reacted to him now felt wrong. Slowly he brought his family up to his eyes again. He rested the elbow of his free hand on his knee, resting his head on that hand.
His family was small, they could all fit on his hand. His mother wasn’t here, but she wouldn’t change anything. It was hard to think of this as his family. He didn’t belong with them anymore. All of them sat in silence… A heavy draining silence. Ryder’s eyes started to blur as he stared at them. The three of them only stared back.
“I…” Ryder took a deep breath. “I’ll get you all home…”
“You mean us right?” Rhys asked. “Us all… You’re going home too.”
“I can’t, I-”
“Ryder,” Vitus stopped him from speaking, “The house will fit you. I knew how big you’d get. We all did. They knew before I broke you out.”
“No… I…”
“Yes, all the things Rhys did and I followed him into were just to find dad now we can just walk away to a house fit for a nearly three hundred foot tall giant for no reason,” Felix snarked. “I’ll be sure to tell mom we found Ryder and dad, but Ryder ran off because he got too big.”
“That…” Ryder’s blurred eyes finally cleared. The tears rolled down his face as he stared at the three that wanted him around. “I… I’ve been hunting dad since they took me...”
The words cut through his own heart. It was what they did. As their weapon he spent time hunting the man who tried to save him. His body shook as the tears fell stronger and faster. He lifted his head off his hand to add stability to the humans in his grip. He was born with something that made him bigger, stronger, and who knows what else. All of that added to this mess. He would be better as a thoughtless weapon.
“And in five years you never caught me,” Vitus said. Ryder barely managed to look at the small man. The one who named him. The look he used to envy was staring at him. “I think if you weren’t fighting them I wouldn’t be here, would I? So, there’s no reason you can’t go back like nothing happened.”
“I could have killed you, they might come back…” Ryder pulled the stable hand away to wipe at his eyes. He froze up when he felt one of his family members climbing on his arm. “I don’t want you hurt… What if-”
“What if, what if, what if-” Rhys was climbing up the cloth on his arm. Ryder hadn’t even realized he wore a jumpsuit. It made sense. “What if I jumped off your arm? You wouldn’t let me fall would you? What if Felix suddenly took your height, you’d stay with him. You were just as bad when you first came home too.”
“What do you-”
“What if I grab you too hard? What if you fall? What if this thing that we can only deal with if it happens happens.” Rhys glared up at him. Ryder reached forward and grabbed Rhys off his arm. As soon as he moved to let Rhys off, Vitus grabbed his fingers.
“You didn’t hurt us when we were kids. You’re you again. Plus you didn’t do anything to us when we snuck in. Would have been the best time to prove how likely you are to hurt us then…”
“Ryder. If I thought you were dangerous I wouldn’t have climbed on your hand. I wouldn’t have trusted Rhys and Felix were safe when I told you to run. Let’s go home. I’m sure your mother is terrified with all of us gone now.”
“I…” Ryder’s tears didn’t stop, but the warm looks from the humans on his hand stopped him. He gently pulled his finger free and brought his face close to his hand. He moved them quickly, something he did a few times before. Then pressed them against his cheek. “Ok… let’s go home.”