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"I'm sorry too…"
And he really really was… after all, he had wanted Sebastian to suffer with his words, but then, he hadn't realized just how deep his pain already was. So just as he knew it would, regret was now starting to gnaw him whole.
"No, don't…" Sebastian had stopped crying a while ago, but they had stayed like that, embracing each other on the stone cold ground of the Undercroft, not daring to move in case they would suddenly crumble apart.
"I don't deserve it…"
"No Sebastian, you do. I… shouldn't have said those horrible things to you." He buried his face on his neck, breathing him in.
"And I should have listened better, to what you were silently telling me with every kiss." It was something that could only be heard by a heart after all, and he felt like his had failed him. He had never felt so disabled as he did right now. He felt truly blind, in every way.
"I'm sorry… maybe… if I were able to see… I could have perhaps…"
"No!" Sebastian cut him off. "Don't you dare say that. Never… please…" he had tightened his hold. Soon after, Ominis started to notice the pain on his knees and the numbness from the cold and stillness they had been in.
"Here… let's go to the couch." He got himself and Sebastian to their feet and somehow guided them both to lay together on the much more welcoming surface.
He held Sebastian close to his heart, allowing himself to get lost in his soft and wavy hair. And they stayed like that for a while, until Sebastian's voice filled his senses again.
"Ominis…" He sounded so tired, his heart clenched a little.
"Yes love?" It felt so natural to call him that. Like his lips had been made to whisper those words to him every day… he was his love after all… He felt Sebastian's hand grip his shirt tighter.
"You called me love…" His voice was almost wishful and bewildered, like it had been such an incredible thing for him to hear.
"Of course love…" He said with a smile, burying himself deeper into his hair as Sebastian tangled himself further within his embrace. "Rest now… I'm here."
"Thank you…" Sebastian's voice almost a blur now. And then they softly drifted together into a perfectly warm dream.
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It was the first time they had slept together in each other's arms. And despite the harrowing event that had been yesterday, they dreamed of heaven and a future.
He was slowly coming into his senses now, taking their current sleeping arrangement in. His focus went straight to Sebastian's steady breathing against his chest and his natural scent enveloping him gently. Soon enough, he found his thoughts drifting to last night's revelation.
He had finally said it… the words he'd longed to hear for so long… and as soon as the beautiful sound had reached Ominis ears it was like the weight of all that he had endured had lifted from his shoulders. It wasn't that he would somehow forget or suddenly erase all that had happened, all the pain he'd felt. But it was like somehow it had all been worth it…
They had both made mistakes… and neither was perfect, but they were just human after all and had done the best they could at the time. And now… he knew that if they simply loved each other with everything they were, there would be nothing they wouldn't be able to face together and emerge stronger on the other side.
But first they needed to say it all… lay everything out there, and swear to each other and themselves that they would never hide from the other again, they would say it all… even if it hurt sometimes.
The silence somehow didn't feel so jarring anymore, but rather like the calmness of the sea after a storm had passed. Lulling them softly back to shore. And now that it felt safe again, they would tread together the way back home.
"Good morning love." He softly whispered to Sebastian while lovingly stroking his hair. Ever so gently coaxing him back from his slumber. Thank Merlin it was a Saturday so they could simply stay like this all day if they so wished it.
"You said it again…" Sebastian mumbled against his chest. Ominis couldn't help the light chuckle that escaped him.
"Do you like it?" He was still caressing his hair, he loved the feeling of his silky locks running through his fingers.
"I love it..." Sebastian held him tighter again, and his heart filled with warmth. He realized how much he loved the puddle that was Sebastian while waking up.
It felt like a dream. Like they were still inside this bubble of time and space where only the present moment existed, where they could forget about the past, the pain, and the uncertainty of the future.
He knew they would have to wake up at some point. Go back to talking about what happened, what they both felt. Finally, have a thorough and honest conversation with each other. But he would make this moment last as long as he could. Savoring its easiness to the last possible drop. Just the two of them, raw and untainted… just for a bit longer.
But then the unfairness of it all. The irony behind such things… because now that he had though about it, the bubble had swiftly been popped, and the mist, the only remnant that was now proof it ever existed, was now too, softly dissipating away.
"I think we should talk now…" He laid a tender kiss on Sebastian's crown and gently separated himself enough so he could hold his face in front of his. Because even if he couldn't see him, there was still something very intimate about being face to face.
He could sense the defeat in his lover's body as he slowly adjusted himself for the upcoming situation.
"I'm afraid…" Sebastian whispered. Simple and to the point. "I'm afraid of what it means to love you, and for you to love me back… for what it makes us... what… place we have in this world."
He sounded so defeated about it… so sad and alone… It made him almost cry thinking about how he might be feeling.
"It's okay Sebastian…" He gently stroked his hair again. "I'm scared too… of the future and what will happen once we are thrown into the world to fend for ourselves." He closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, breathing each other in.
"But we are not alone now… and as long as we are together… I truly believe that everything will be alright." He took a deep breath. "Even if there are harder times ahead, I'll be glad to face them all with you by my side."
"You dont think its wrong? For us to be this way…" His voice still so raw and uncertain.
"No. It could never be wrong, not when it is the only thing in my life that makes absolute sense to me. I truly believe it Sebastian, and if others wish us death because of it, then to hell with them… for I am never letting you go now. Not as long as you love me back."
He hugged Sebastian tightly. He felt a new sense of determination fill his soul, he would protect and he would cherish and make sure that this love they had would only grow and strengthen itself. Because even if the world was perhaps not ready for them, they were ready for each other and no one would take that away from them.
"I love you more than anything in this world, Sebastian." He whispered into his ear, his hand back to caresing him. "And I forgive you for everything, if you promise me to never hide yourself from me again… from now on… we do this together, no more secrets, no more pretending… not while we are here in the safety of our world."
He felt Sebastian's silent tears soak into his shirt.
"I promise" His voice now full of conviction too. "You are my world Ominis…" Sebastian's hands were gripping the back of his shirt tightly, pulling him even closer. "I love you so so much..."
He couldn't help smiling, they had somehow finally arrived, safe and renewed. And now they would build their sanctuary together, just the two of them…
"Kiss me Sebastian…"
And he did. Their lips joined for the first time in absolute understanding and complete devotion for the other. Softly yet full of passion and unrelenting yearning, to finally give themselves completely, relinquishing every last piece of fear or uncertainty. So that only they remained. Consumed by the fires of their passion.
And it was finally heaven. To give themselves fully to the other, body and soul, nothing left to taint their bond. And as they came up for air, only separating enough to breath, he felt a shiver run through his body.
"Now… before we continue…" Sebastian sensually whispered against his lips. His body now reacting strongly to the heat of their embrace. But then just as fast, he felt the coldness of the room sip between them as Sebastian untangled himself to get up.
"Can we please just go to a bloody bathroom? I think I might just die from pee poisoning." There he was… his strong and charismatic Sebastian, the one that never failed to amuse him.
"You truly are an idiot Sebastian…" He couldn't hold in the burst of laughter that overcame him.
"Yes… but I'm your idiot" He could hear the cocky grin in his mouth. And felt so glad to have him back to his regular self. "you're stuck with me now"
Ominis softly chuckled and smiled, the world somehow feeling normal again. He knew they were both changed after this, but he believed with all his heart that it was completely for the better.
"One can only be so lucky…"
And he thanked the gods for their kindness, for giving him Sebastian, to love and be loved by him. It was truly as lucky as he could have ever gotten. Them... together at last, against this usually dark and unforgiving world… No…he would never let go, as long as he lived. Because he knew, with every inch of his being, that he had finally found his true home.