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“I wanna go to therapy.”
Price looked up from his reports to see Ghost had crept silently into his office and was staring at him. Spooky bastard.
The Captain took a breath. Simon was finally asking for help and he needed to say the right thing. Any response too shocked or excited could make the Lieutenant change his mind.
“Okay.” He said simply, keeping it neutral. “What kind of therapy you thinking?”
“CBT.” Simon answered immediately. It was clear he’d thought about this and knew what he wanted.
Price nodded to one of his old armchairs. “Wanna take a seat?”
Ghost awkwardly sat down on the sagging cushion and looked up at Price, his eyes vulnerable through the sockets of his skull mask.
The Captain took his hat off. The gesture was an attempt to return the trust Ghost was giving him, in his own odd way.
“Have you thought about talking therapy?” He asked. Price knew Ghost had made up his mind and that he couldn’t change it, but he’d still like to understand the decision.
“Too much.” Simon answered simply, shaking his head. “Talking about everything, it’s just-”
Simon cut himself off.
“I understand.” Price let him off. He did understand, it was scary to take a jump that big, that quickly.
Simon nodded. “I want to do it online.”
“That can be arranged.” Price nodded. He tried not to show how nervous he was to ask his next question, he didn’t want to scare Simon off. “What, specifically, would you want to tackle with a cognitive behavioural therapist?”
“Depression and Anxiety.” Ghost answered quickly, like if he said it fast enough Price wouldn’t have to hear it.
“Okay, I’ll get that sorted for you.” The Captain smiled minutely. He was so proud of Simon, though he knew the Lieutenant would hate it if he said that.
“I do have,” Simon hesitated and looked at a paperweight on the desk instead of meeting his eyes. “You know, a diagnosis for depression I’m not just making the call myself.”
“I know, lad.” Price reassured. “And I know you’ve started taking you’re meds for it too.”
Ghost’s eyes snapped back up to him, defensive. “How did you know I wasn’t?”
“You never ordered more after you were prescribed them.” Price smiled. “And now you do, once every couple months you get the next batch shipped into medical.”
“Right.” Simon said, still clearly uncomfortable. “I started taking them and it’s better but everything I’ve read says the drugs alone aren’t enough, you gotta have the counselling to go with it.”
“I’m really glad you’re reaching out for help Simon.” Price couldn’t help it, he needed to give his soldier some god damn positive reinforcement.
Ghost shrugged. “‘Bout time.”
Price looked at Simon, really focused on him. He was tense but determined. Asking for help was hard, trusting others was hard but Price could see now that Simon wanted it.
He wanted to get better in a way he hadn’t before.
“Can I ask what’s brought this on?” Price asked. “Why now?”
He thought Ghost wasn’t going to answer, was going to get up and leave for asking something like that. There was a long pause.
“I want-” Ghost cut himself off and Price could see the beginnings of tears prickling in his Lieutenant’s eyes. The Captain stayed silent and waited for his to continue. Ghost took a deep, shuddering breath. “I want to be Simon again.”
The tears fell, silent and haunting like their creator’s namesake. Simon leaned forwards in the chair and hung his head as he let out a single, broken sob.
Price could Imagine it was… freeing to finally say it out loud and he stayed quite as Simon cried opposite him. He’d only seen the Lieutenant cry once before, when he was severely injured and mostly unconscious. This was… different. It was more.
Price thought about when the first order of new anti-depressants had came through, almost right after Chicago, after they’d killed Hassan, after Ghost and Soap fought together in Las Almas.
“Do you,” he started, hesitated then continued. “Want to be Simon again for him?”
“Yes.” Came the short answer then Simon sucked in a breath, tried to calm himself. “And for me.”
“That’s…” Price trailed off, not sure what to say next.
“Fraternisation.” Simon finished for him. “It’s obviously not allowed but-”
“I think that’s amazing.” Price cut him off. “Are you two already…”
Simon nodded, then his eyes became glossy again. “I want to be Simon for me with Johnny.”
“I think he’ll be good for you.” Price said.
A tear ran down what was visible of Simon’s face and disappeared further behind his mask. “He deserves someone better.”
“And you’re gonna be someone better.”