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He’s in love, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Part of him knows, part of his brain is screaming at him, telling him that all of this is wrong. They’re not in love, it won’t last, he just doesn’t love her.
What he loves is the affection, someone proving to him that he is worth something. That out of everyone in the world she chose him, he’s important to someone. He knows it’s not real love, because he knows he doesn’t love her, Lando just can’t bring himself to lose what he has. Without this he has nothing.
Lando has spent his entire life watching his friends fall easily into relationships when no one has ever liked him like that. They make it look so easy, make love look so easy, and Lando doesn’t get it. Even now, with a wonderful girl going home with him every night, Lando is confused.
He can’t sleep when they’re sharing a bed, the feeling of her hands on his skin is painful. He isn’t good with touch, never has been, but he thought that would have changed when he met her. That falling in love is going to change that, it hasn’t, it’s just another reason why Lando knows this isn’t love.
There's no compromise. She says it's too hot when they sleep with a blanket as well as the duvet, so Lando just lets himself get cold. He's always run a little cold, wearing jumpers and hoodies when others are just in t-shirts.
His weighted blanket is pushed off the bed, off the sofa, she complains it's too heavy. Lando tried to say that was the point once, but she just scoffed and Lando learnt to stop talking.
He keeps all of the thoughts to himself, bottling everything away for long nights where she is just a little too close for comfort. Reserving those thoughts for when he needs to work hard, pushing all the anger and confusion and disgust into races and workouts. Jon is always most impressed with him when his mind is screaming at him.
They go out, and Lando drinks way too much. He knows if he doesn’t he might admit the truth, at least drunk he can pretend everything is okay. She makes sure he gets home safe, and he says yes. Lando’s not really sure why, he doesn’t enjoy it, but that’s just part of a relationship, or maybe that’s just another thing he’s trying to convince himself.
He throws up in the morning, the headache a lasting memory of something Lando’s still not sure he wants.
-
Lando wishes he could just love her, but he doesn’t know how to, he doesn’t know how to let her down either. Because he’s not ready to lose what he’s got, he doesn’t want to go back to being the only one not in a relationship. He’s been that person for years, Lando doesn’t want to go back to that, third wheeling and spending too much time on his own. If he can convince himself it’s better like this, he’s better now he’s not alone all the time, it might make all the bad bits worth it.
He somehow still manages to be the one that fucks it up. He’s exhausted after a doubleheader, and when he finally makes it home, all Lando wants to do is sleep. They're cuddled together, she asks him for more and he says no. While he’s desperate to please, he can’t right now, he’s barely slept all weekend, Lando needs to sleep.
It leads to an argument, her screaming at him while Lando begs her to calm down. She calls him selfish, and the pain stabs into his chest for days. Part of him wants to retaliate, but he’s also terrified of making it worse. She just seems so angry at him, and Lando can’t work out what he’s done. He said yes every other time, is he not allowed to say no?
She storms off, leaving him alone in a bedroom that’s never really felt like his, despite his name on the lease, wide awake for what feels like the millionth night in a row. He can’t let himself fall asleep without knowing if she’s safe. So Lando waits. He waits until three pm, at which point she finally returns home, and he buys her flowers, and apologises like it was all his fault. He says yes the next time.
-
He can’t lie to himself anymore, there’s no point, but he still keeps the thoughts bottled up. He wonders if either of them were ever in love one night, while lying on the floor of a hotel room that feels more like home than his flat does. Lando decides he must have been at first. And even if he was never in love with her, he knows he was in love with the idea of it all. Maybe that’s why it all went downhill so fast, how were they supposed to work out if neither of them know what love is?
She’s drifting away, and Lando wishes he had the energy to stop her. He ignores a comment from Daniel, about how he hasn’t seen her around in months, a quick jibe about her finding out how boring he is, and Lando pretends it doesn’t hurt. Because he’s not sure if he’ll ever find someone, and if she’s all he’s supposed to have, why can’t they love each other?
Her things line the walls in his flat, she holds parties while he’s away, he’s a stranger in his own home. He wants to ask why she keeps him around, but Lando’s already pretty certain he knows the answer to that. Because it doesn’t matter how tired he is, she wants him when he gets home.
It slips out one night. He’s drunk, again, because it makes later more bearable, and the words tumble from his mouth before he’s even thought about it.
“Do you love me?”
The silence that follows is heavy, stilted, and so uncomfortably quiet, that it makes Lando feel sick. She can’t meet his eyes, and Lando knows this is it. He’s finally broken a cycle, he’s given himself an out.
“It’s cute you think this is love,” comes the response, sharp and bitter, it hurts.
“Did you ever love me?”
“I don’t think it’s possible to love you, I don’t think anyone ever will.”
-
They part, Lando collecting the few things he has left in his flat and leaving it for good, there’s no point in staying there anymore, it hasn’t been his home for so long.
He books a flight on the way to the airport, gets a headache from the lights inside as he waits. It gives him time to think, Lando really can't believe he ever thought this was love. His chest feels hollow and empty, he's never felt so alone.
It's only now he's out of the storm that he can see it for what it was. Lando has been slowly shutting everyone he cares about out of his life, only focusing on her, because that's what she wanted. And he wanted it too, because the other option was being alone.
His mind is screaming as he sits on the plane, his hood pulled up over his head as he tries to get comfortable. There's a level of exhaustion that's been sitting with him for months, a discomfort within his own skin.
It's almost like Lando has forgotten who he is. He feels like he was something else before her, and now he's just lost. Lando wants to believe that person is still within him, that he just lost track of it for a while, but he is a shattered person, he can't even begin piecing himself back together.
The flight back to the uk doesn't take that long, and soon he's in the back of a taxi, ready to go home. It’s been so long, Lando can't wait to go back home.
-
Lando's heart is pounding in his chest as he knocks on the front door. It's been way too long since he's been here. There was a time he practically lived here, but now it just feels like a distant memory. All of Lando feels like a distant memory.
There’s something about his body that isn’t quite working properly, he can’t quite breathe, can’t quite see, he feels like he’s dying. The door opens, and Lando is tempted to run away. He doesn’t remember ever feeling like this, not around him anyway.
"Mate, it's been ages," Theo says as he opens the door.
It's too late to turn back, though Lando is desperate to run still, despite the warm, homely glow from the hallway lights.
Lando is pulled into a hug, and he tries not to flinch away from the contact. It's not that he doesn't trust Theo, he's just a different person now.
"Yeah, sorry, I've been busy," Lando apologises sheepishly, as they pull away.
He can see Theo checking out his hair, it's been so long since he's been back for a haircut, Lando hates himself for staying away for so long.
Theo nods his head, almost like he knows what Lando means, "Max is upstairs, we can sort out the barnet later."
"Thanks, mate," Lando says with a small smile, dragging his small suitcase behind him as he comes into the house.
He doesn't need to be shown where to go, Lando doesn't even wait for Theo to shut the door, before disappearing upstairs. There's one person he wants to see, and now he's moving, Lando doesn't think he can wait any longer.
He opens the door, and there he is. Max's head shoots up, looking angry for a second before he realises who it is. His features instantly soften, and Max is out of his chair, arms around Lando before either of them have said a word.
"Hey," Lando says, and he instantly wants to punch himself. They haven’t spoken for months, and Max is holding him so tightly, and he can't think of anything to say. Any reason, for being the worst friend ever.
"I hate you," Max mumbles against his shoulder.
Lando nods his head, "I hate me too," he replies, letting himself sink into Max's embrace. He feels safe, he feels right again, like all the pieces have fit back together, he's missed this feeling.
-
Max forces Lando to shower, claiming he smells too much like airports to be around, then Lando sits on the bed, hair still wet, and nausea is building in his stomach. There was a look on his face, one Lando had seen all too many times.
Max will see through all of his lies, he will get the truth out of him, because that is just what Max did. It was why Lando had cut his closest friend out of his life so quickly.
"Why are you here, Lando?" Max asks, a hint of resignation in his voice.
Lando doesn't blame him, he's been gone for months, only texting him a couple of times. He can understand if Max just kicks him out.
"She," Lando begins, his voice trailing off. Because this time yesterday, they were fighting, this time yesterday, Lando could keep pretending.
"What happened?" Max says, concern in his features that Lando doesn't deserve.
"She left me, it was a long time coming, but-"
Max cuts him off, "it still hurts, it's allowed to hurt."
Lando nods, not really sure what to say. Because he's not really sure if it does hurt, they were never really in love anyway. The thing that hurts the most, is the reminder that he is unlovable.
"What really happened mate, what aren't you telling me?" Max asks, and Lando hates him.
He hates that Max always knows what's going on in his head, always able to get Lando to say exactly what he's so afraid of saying.
"She never loved me, Max, I dedicated everything to her, and she never even loved me," Lando says, biting down hard on his lip.
"Did you love her?" Max asks, looking at Lando like he can see right through him.
Shrugging his shoulders, Lando makes sure to look anywhere but at Max, "I think I liked the idea of being in love with her, I cared about her a lot though."
He's surprised by his honesty. But then again, it's Max, and Max has always been different from everybody else.
-
It's a couple of days before Max makes him talk again. They're both sitting at the kitchen table, breakfast finished a long time ago.
"What are you gonna do now?" Max asks, pushing his bowl away as he rests his arms on the table.
Lando shrugs, "I might stay in England for a while, I can't go back there yet," he says, unable to look at Max.
He wants to stay with Max, feeling safe for the first time in months. It's weird, it's like everything's normal when he's with Max, like everything just falls into place.
"What aren't you telling me, Lando, you haven't been yourself in ages," Max says, looking directly at him.
Lando tucks his knees up to his chest, "she used me, Max, I stopped talking to everyone because she needed me, I did everything she wanted because I thought she wanted me, it didn't matter what I wanted, I didn't matter at all."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Max asks, looking upset.
"What was I supposed to say, Max?" Lando shouts, clenching his hands into fists, "I thought she loved me, I thought that's what a relationship was."
"Relationships don't involve you forcing yourself to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable," Max replies, raising his voice to match Lando's.
Lando gets up quickly, hiding himself away in the bathroom before Max can say anything else. The panic hits as soon as the door is shut, he's too honest with Max, he can't help himself.
-
He reemerges almost two hours later, shuffling into Max’s room with an apologetic look on his face. Lando's not sure what he's sorry for, but there has to be something, how else can he fix it?
"I'm sorry," Max says before Lando can say anything, "I shouldn't have pushed you."
Lando stands there shocked for a moment, before sitting beside Max on the bed, "I'm sorry too, I've been a bad friend recently."
He tucks one knee up to his chest, his head falling against it. Lando is so tired, and yet he can't let himself rest.
“Are you okay?” Max asks, in a tone that almost sounds like he’s begging, desperate for Lando to admit how not okay he is.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Lando asks, chewing on his thumbnail, “who else is going to want me? She used me, and I needed to be with her to prove to myself that I was worth something.”
“Why her?” Max says, and Lando curls completely in on himself.
“I’m unloveable Max, no one has ever loved me.”
It hurts to admit. Lando can feel an ache in his chest because it’s why he held on for so long. He didn’t need to, but the fear of being left alone outweighed all of the bad moments. And now he was alone, what was left to lose?
-
Lando is dreading the race. He’s tired, and not really feeling like himself, and dealing with all the press obligations drains him. Most of all, he wants Max to be there, but Lando wasn’t sure how to ask, so he didn’t. After moving into his house for a few weeks, the last thing Lando wants to do is burden him any more.
Jon is overly nice to him, aware that something is wrong despite Lando not saying anything. It’s obvious enough that something is wrong, Lando knows he’s not his usual self right now, but it’s still annoying. Lando doesn’t want or need to be babied, he just wants to go home, but he’s not really sure where home is right now.
He races, and does well enough that he doesn’t beat himself up for it. He may have scrutinised his performance enough that some of the team are concerned, but he doesn’t beat himself up for it.
Lando snaps at Daniel when he tries to make a joke. It hurts in a way he can’t quite articulate, his thoughts are way too jumbled to deal with anything. Lando is tired, and lonely, and so fucking terrified, even a simple joke is enough to send him over the edge.
He doesn’t apologise, even though he knows he should, and when he arrives back in the uk, Lando almost can’t bring himself to go back to Max. Because Daniel’s comment has helped him realise where home is. Home is Max. Max is his home, he always has been, and that scares Lando more than anything else.
He’s happy to remain unloveable as long as Max stays his home, stays his everything. Lando can’t face doing anything without Max.
It’s raining, and Lando is completely drenched when he finally brings himself to knock on the door. His hair is dripping, and the thin waterproof he put on when he arrived isn’t really doing anything to help. Part of Lando feels like he deserves this, the freezing cold rain dripping down his back, he doesn’t really care that he can’t feel his fingers anymore.
Max opens the door, and he smiles sadly at Lando, “please come back to me, Bob,” he says in a small voice, pulling Lando into his arms.
Lando melts into his embrace, falling apart the second he can feel Max’s hands on him. This is his home, and it is all he needs. He can’t stop the tears that fall, and Max just lets him sob into his shoulder, not seeming to care that Lando is soaking wet. They stay like this for far too long, Lando terrified of letting go in case this all ends, in case Max sends him away. He can’t take that risk, he can’t lose his person.
“I love you, Bob,” Max whispers, squeezing Lando even tighter, if that is even possible, and then he slowly lets go.
“Please don’t leave me,” Lando replies, wiping his eyes, not that it makes much of a distance.
Max reaches out his hand, and places it on Lando’s cheek, “never, I would never, you mean the world to me.”
-
Max’s mum tells them to come inside, to stop letting the heat out, and Lando is shivering by the time they make it up to Max’s room. He is soaked to the bone, and the tips of his fingers have gone numb, he’s freezing.
Lando is forced into the shower, Max getting his fluffiest hoodie, and a thick pair of joggers for him to climb into, wrapping a blanket around him to help him warm up. He’s still shivering as Max begins to talk, the space between them almost non-existent.
“You’re not unloveable,” Max begins, and Lando is ready to start crying all over again, “I have never cared about anyone as much as I care about you. It kills me that she hurt you so badly, that she’s convinced you no one can care about you the way I do. I can’t imagine my life without you. These last few months have been fucking awful, without you talking to me every day, I missed you so fucking much, I need you, Lando.”
“I,” Lando begins, and his voice cracks, “you’re my home Max, you mean the world to me.”
It’s not quite as profound as Max, but Lando is crying again, his voice shaking thanks to the shivers still wracking through his body. Max is everything he needs, he’s everything Lando wants, and maybe just this once, they’re allowed to be happy.
“I love you, Lando.” Max reaches out and touches his cheek again, the gap between them somehow getting even smaller.
“I love you too, Max,” Lando says, “I love you so fucking much.”
“Come here, Bob, you’re absolutely freezing,” Max says, pulling Lando into his arms.
It reminds Lando of when he was small, back in his karting days, when he and Max would fall asleep together on sofas far too small for the both of them. Curled up closely to one another, they’ve never really grown out of that habit.
Max has always been the only person Lando is truly comfortable with touching. Even if Max initiates the touch, Lando has never minded, in fact, he actively seeks out Max’s touch, it making him feel comfortable, like nothing else has ever been able to.
He's never complained about Lando's need for a blanket, and makes sure there's a weighted blanket for Lando there if he needs it. Max even knows when he does, and will silently get up and find it, dumping it on Lando without feeling the need to explain himself.
Max knows everything about him, and that’s a comfort.
Right now, Lando feels like he can almost be okay. Everything has fallen into place, it’s working out, why can’t Lando be happy too?
-
Lando tells Max he is coming to the next race, he needs his lucky charm with him. He keeps Max close by him, feeling fragile, and not quite like himself, and Max helps with that feeling. He apologises to Daniel for the week before, and tries to stay focused on the race.
Something about Max being there makes everything feel easier. He finishes P3, he's on the podium, and it feels amazing. It feels a little surreal to be on the good end of things, and when he returns to the garage, and Max wraps him up in the tightest hug, Lando knows that everything he went through makes up for this moment.
“I’m so proud of you,” Max whispers, squeezing Lando even tighter.
"Thank you for being here," Lando replies, "I love you so much."
They pull away before anyone gets too suspicious, and Lando has to get changed out of his race suit before debriefing. Max waits for him, and lets Lando drive him to the hotel at the end of the day. They curl up on the same bed, neither asking whether it’s okay because they both know it is. Lando wants Max near him, he doesn’t want to be alone, he just wants this safe cosy feeling to last forever.
“You’re amazing Lan,” Max says, running his fingers through Lando’s hair.
They’ll get food later, Max will try and get Lando to have a cheat meal, say he’s earned it after today, and Lando will dig his heels in. It happens every time he gets home, after a good race Max will say Lando deserves it, and after a bad race he says it will help.
Lando misses living with Max, he misses being around his best friend, the love of his life, and he wants to spend every second with him.
“I love you, Maxy, I think you should come to every race with me. You’re my lucky charm,” Lando says, curling deeper into Max’s chest.
It’s funny, they’ve kind of always been like this. He’s closer to Max than anybody else. In all those months he spent sleeping in someone else’s bed, he never felt as comfortable as he does right now. Max is different from everyone else in his life. He’s special, and so important to him that it makes Lando’s stomach swirl.
They were close when they were younger, Max was his first friend, the first person to actually be nice to him, Lando really couldn’t imagine his life without Max. He didn’t want to.
-
Lando isn't really sure at what point he's become so content with his life. How he's gone from just existing, getting through each day as it comes, to actually enjoying his life. He's feeling so much more like himself than he has in years.
Before there was this muffle, dampening every moment of his life. He can feel it all in full now. It's terrifying and exhilarating, and so many things Lando doesn't know how to feel. And it's all Max's fault.
Not that it's a bad thing. It's certainly much better than before, but it's still different, and that scares him.
Max has become his whole world. He motivates Lando to race better, to train harder, to accept himself for who he is. It's something he's always encouraged Max to do, but he just can't follow his own advice.
He's got so much better in the car, finishing the year off so much stronger than he expected at the beginning. The car isn't quite there, but Lando knows how to get the best out of it, extracting performance that isn't supposed to be possible.
Max comes to almost every race. He waits eagerly in the garage for Lando to return, a delighted grin and the tightest hug possible waiting for him. Lando honestly can't wish for anything else.
He's pretty sure the smile and the blush that heats his cheeks whenever anyone asks about Max, is enough for everyone to work out what's going on. They don't say anything, which Lando is grateful for, he's not ready to be out yet.
They've told the important people, Lando's told his family, and so has Max, he's still not really sure if it went well. After being told by everyone that it's 'about time,' and they 'weren't fooling anyone,' he realises it has always been Max.
His mum pulls him aside, telling him he's the last one to know, that he and Max have always been a little oblivious.
He's living, and it is the most amazing thing Lando has ever experienced. It still terrifies him, but when Max holds his hand, all that fear simply drifts away.
-
The nightmares begin during the off-season, Lando rarely goes a night without one.
He and Max have moved into a house not too far away from Max's parents, it feels much more like home than Lando's flat ever did. It's different from their previous house because it belonged to Lando before Max moved in. And sure, they made it a space for both of them, but it wasn't quite the same.
The bags under his eyes are slowly deepening, so much so that Jon tells him to take a day off, and spend the day resting instead.
Lando doesn't sleep through the night. In his dreams, he finds himself back in school, the butt of a joke so everyone laughs at him. He feels the walls close in on him, suffocating him, and unable to stop the world getting tighter.
Most of all, he finds himself alone, in a dark pit he can't get out of. Lando hears people laughing at him, the disembodied voices of his friends, family, his ex, and even Max sometimes.
He wakes with a pit of dread in his stomach, his head spinning as he tries to get ready. Lando feels sick, the constant feeling of anxiety and exhaustion is breaking him down slowly, he's not really sure how long he'll last before falling apart completely.
-
The answer comes less than a week later. Lando gives up on trying to sleep just after 3 am, instead trudging down to the living room, curling up on the sofa as he watches a random series on the tv.
He's not quite sure how long he stays there, eyes firmly open despite the exhaustion, but eventually Max comes to join him, stifling a yawn as he speaks.
"What are you doing up, Bob?" he asks, sitting by Lando's feet.
"Couldn't sleep," Lando replies, sitting up and resting his head on Max's shoulder.
"Is something wrong?" Max asks, his fingers dancing up and down the younger's shoulder, "you've not been sleeping well recently."
"I just," Lando's voice trails off, "I've been having nightmares," he mumbles, sitting and turning to face Max.
"Worse than you used to?" Max asks, tracing over the darkened skin under Lando's eyes.
Lando can't help but close his eyes, feeling himself relax for the first time in weeks. "Yeah, I guess. It's every time I close my eyes, Max, I haven't slept properly in so long."
He doesn't want to cry, but there's something about exhaustion that heightens your emotions, and Lando feels like a child, unable to control it.
Max wraps his arms around Lando, holding him so tightly. It feels so safe that Lando finds himself crying harder. He hates that Max cares about him so much, that Max has this effect on him. Most of all Lando hates that he's terrified of accepting how perfect all of this is. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for Max to see him as he truly is and decide that Lando isn't worth his time, he's fucking terrified of being alone.
"Hey, buddy, you're okay, I've got you," Max murmurs, rocking slowly from side to side.
They stay like this for a while, until Lando calms down enough to breathe.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles into Max's chest, "I'm just so tired."
Max nods, "I know, love, I know."
-
Jon suggests that Lando goes back to see his psychologist, and it helps. He starts talking about things, and the more honest he is, the fewer nightmares he has. It's funny, Lando thinks, that this is a revelation. He spent ages telling Max to stop bottling everything up, and yet he does the exact same thing.
He tells Max as much on a late-night drive, Lando letting Max drive for once. It's the perfect time to be honest about everything, staring straight ahead so Lando doesn't have to see Max's face as he admits everything he'd rather hide.
"I love you,” Lando says, doing his best to explain everything in a way that makes sense, “and it scares me, I’m scared that I’m gonna do something and you’re gonna leave. I’m scared that you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you, I’m scared that everything is going so well. I feel like I’m waiting for everything to go wrong, the inevitable disaster that just follows me around. I can’t, I need you Max, I can’t lose you. I’m so in love with you and it’s terrifying.”
Lando’s eyes are fixed on the darkness outside, the vague shapes of trees that blur into the sky as they go whizzing past them, and he can see tiny stars dotted all across the sky. He wonders if he and Max are trees, planted as saplings and encouraged to grow old together. He wonders if someone is going to come and chop their trees down, forcing them to be apart. Maybe they’re stars as old as the universe, with a whole solar system around them. Or maybe they’re reaching the end of their time, ready to become black holes and suck all of the light into them.
“I can’t lose you either Bob, those months after you moved to Monaco were torture. And as much as I hated you for randomly showing up at my house in the middle of the night, I was so glad you were there, that you’d come back home. You are my everything Lando, and I promise I’m not going anywhere, I love you too much to let you go,” Max replied, his eyes only momentarily drifting from the road ahead of him to look at the younger man.
“Good,” Lando says, sniffing slightly, “cause I love you a lot you muppet.” He wipes his eyes, unable to keep the smile off of his face.
Lando still feels shaky, feels the hum of anxiety coursing through his veins, but he knows Max is there, and maybe he’ll be able to trust that.
“Mate, I’m not the muppet here, it’s one hundred percent you, you muppet,” Max says, and he grins at Lando.
Gasping in mock offence, Lando places a hand on his chest, “how am I the muppet?” he asks, crossing his legs on the seat and letting himself relax. The tension eases in both of them, it was like the air was thick before, and now they’re breathing easy.
“Maybe we’re both muppets,” Max replies, taking the exit as he begins to take them back home.
“Maybe,” Lando agrees, “and Max,” he says, poking the elder on the arm.
“What?”
“Never call me mate again.”
-
Lando didn’t think it was possible to be any happier. The car is amazing, he’s regularly fighting for podiums, including standing on the top step. He has a new teammate, and although it’s a little daunting at first, Lando finds himself naturally able to do what Carlos did for him back in his first year. And of course, Max is there every step of the way.
He doesn’t come to every race, as Max has started racing again. It took a lot of convincing from all of his family, but eventually Max relented. They call each other after every race when they’re not together, and Lando makes sure to tell Max just how proud of him he is every single time. It’s probably cheesy, but Lando’s heart flutters every time he sees Max smile, he wants to see that smile all of the time.
None of it is quite how either of them pictured their lives, but Lando's pretty sure it's better that way. Life is full of surprises, and that used to terrify him, but with Max by his side, Lando is ready to face it all.
"I love you," Lando says over the phone once the race has finished.
He's got the small screen propped up on a table, and he can see Max's slightly blurry face grinning on the screen.
Max has had an amazing day, getting his first podium in the series, and Lando has another win under his belt, a great look to the championship.
"I love you too Bob, and I'm proud of you, it's so great to see you smiling like this!" Max replied, resting his head on his hands.
He's at home after a long day, and if it wasn't for Lando, he'd probably be asleep by now, but it's worth the tiredness to see his boyfriend so happy. Hair wet and skin sticky with champagne, the only thing that would be better, was if Max was there with him.
"I'm proud of you too, I can come see your next race right? I've got a weekend off?" Lando asks, spinning a ring around on his finger.
It was brought for him by Max, and something Lando rarely went anywhere without, only taking it off for races. Max had a similar one Lando had brought for him a few years ago, long before they'd acknowledged their feelings.
"Yeah Lan, you can come. You can cheer me on, and be ridiculously embarrassing," Max replies, rolling his eyes.
"I've already got a flag with your name on, you're gonna hate me," Lando grins, letting out an evil cackle.
"I could never," Max replies, "even when you're being annoying, and playing the drums for hours, or doing your dj thing at four am, or-"
Lando cuts him off, "I get it, I'm annoying," he rolls his eyes, "but seriously, I'm so happy for you."
Max nods, "you are annoying, but I still love you so so much, too much actually," he says with a wide smile, "I need to sleep, you're back tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah, we leave in the morning," Lando smiles softly, finding himself admiring Max's face, "good night Maxy, I love you."
"Night Lan, love you too," Max says, saying goodbye before hanging up the phone.
Some nights they stay on call all night, but it's usually when one of them is having a bad night, when they can't quite bear to be apart. But they're both too tired tonight, and Lando's pretty sure he'll be out the second he lies down.
He can't help but smile as he drags himself into the shower, spending just enough time under the water to feel clean, then he crawls into bed. He puts on some music, never really being able to sleep when it's too quiet, then curls up under the covers, his chest feeling warm.
Lando is happy, not that he can really believe it. He's not clinging onto false hope anymore, he's clinging onto something real, something safe, something wonderful. It's his home he's holding onto now, grasping it firmly with both hands. Lando's not afraid of losing anymore, he's not afraid of being alone. Because it's Max, and he knows Max isn't going anywhere.