Chapter Text
it was a bright afternoon on 6/28 when orochimaru and kabuto hopped in the car they'd stolen and made their way towards the nearest Pizza Hut, according to the gps sitting on the dashboard. it was the day of their wedding anniversary, and they always went out to lunch at pizza Hut on their anniversary.
kabuto diligently followed the directions given to him by the robotic voice of the gps.
"turn right" it said. he turned right.
"turn left" it said. he turned left.
kabuto was so focused on following the directions, he didn't bother stopping at any traffic lights. at one point, just as Madara Uchiha was crossing the road, kabuto didnt stop driving and ran right into him. he kept driving.
orochimaru looked up from his cellphone. "who was that?" he asked
"who was what?" kabuto replied.
orochimaru sighed, shoving his phone in his mouth and swallowing it whole, like the nasty, nasty man he is. "never mind."
"recalculating…" chimed the gps.
kabuto gasped, immediately glancing towards the gps nervously. "what...?!" he said, frantically tapping on the screen. he wasn't sure what he was doing, or where he went wrong.
"recalculating…" it said again.
"no, no, no!!" kabuto shouted, stopping the car in the middle of the road and grabbing the gps. "this can't be!"
orochimaru looked over at the distressed kabuto. "what have you done, kabuto?" he asked.
kabuto began to sweat ferociously. he was so embarrassed. "I.... i don't know!!!" he said.
"recalculating…"
a line of cars began to form behind them, all of their horns honking repeatedly. orochimaru was getting impatient. he put a gentle hand on kabuto's shoulder. "leave this to me" he said.
he then extended his neck, breaking open the roof of the car. he turned his head to face the cars behind them.
"SILENCE!!" he shouted. the horns stopped.
he turned back to the front, his head now like 800 feet in the air. he scanned the horizon until he spotted the nearest Pizza Hut.
back inside the car, his hand pointed in the direction of the restaurant. kabuto floored it. They were off.
but alas, orochimaru's neck was still extended 800 feet outside the car, and his head was thus thrown back with the velocity of the car. he screamed, head flapping in the wind, but kabuto did not hear him.