Chapter Text
Day 1
Lara Jean
The nurse comes in with Ethan for his first feeding. I've been waiting for this impatiently, I can't believe Peter is not here!
I reach for my baby the moment I see him but say, "Can we wait for his dad to come back? He's just in the bathroom!"
Before the nurse says anything, Peter opens the door. "I'm here! I'm here!" He sounds breathless, which makes me think he had run back. He really wanted to be here for this and made me promise that we wouldn't start without him.
"Awww isn't that nice?" The nurse coos to Ethan. "Both mommy and daddy are waiting for you. They love you so much, don't they!"
She has no idea! I thought I was in love before but now... there are no words to describe this. When she places Ethan in my arms, the world around me literally disappears. I'm not aware of the nurse, nor of Peter. I'm pretty sure if a football stadium number of people are surrounding me now, I wouldn't even have noticed.
Ethan's eyes are closed and his jet black hair lies softly around his head like it's painted. He's so small, bundled up in a hospital blanket and his smell, so new yet so strongly familiar, brings tears to my eyes. I love him so much I never want to be away from him, not even for a second.
I don't realize I'm crying for real until Peter's strong arms wrap around me and my son, like he's promising me that he'll always be there to keep us both safe.
"Peter! I love him so much!"
"I know! I love him so much too. So much it can cover the entire world." He has tears in his eyes too.
It takes a moment for us to calm down and realize that the nurse had left us to have this private moment. When she comes back, she helps me take a breast out and holds Ethan's head so he can take the nipple. It takes a few tries before he gets a good latch and starts feeding. The sensation is... weird! A little ticklish but not exactly. I start smiling. It feels like something is tugging at my breast at first, which is expected, but then sharp pain starts to pulse every time he suckles and I start to wince, then hiss.
"Something is wrong!" Peter's worried voice comes from right above my head.
"He's just not latching right. Don't worry, we'll try again," the nurse says and holds his head to let me pull away. Ethan starts to whimper and make distressed noises. My heart twists for denying him his food. I want to put him back and damn the pain, but the nurse insists that we only need few adjustments. She places him higher in my arm and presses on my shoulder lightly to adjust the angle of my breast, then we try again. This time, he doesn't seem to be able to draw any milk and starts crying.
Oh my god! What if I can't feed my baby!!
"There's no need to panic," the nurse says calmly. "It's normal to take some time to learn how this works for both you and the baby. But I'm here until we figure it out, OK?"
We try different positions and angles and holds, and after about 20 minutes, when the nipple starts grazing his upper lip, he latches on almost immediately and starts to suckle with enthusiasm. I wait few seconds for the pain to return but it doesn't. Instead, I feel the most amazing, magical sensation I could never describe and my eyes are misty again. My baby is nestled in my arms, and my body is feeding him and nurturing him.
I look at the nurse like she's an angel and she smiles warmly. "Looks like the little guy is doing a good job now. I'll be back later."
Peter and I rest our foreheads against each other's as we look with fascination at the tiny human-being we just made. So perfect. So loved. So complete.
Day 3
Peter
As soon as I turn the engine off, I quickly get out of the car and go to open the back door for Lara Jean and Ethan. He's sleeping peacefully in his baby carseat with Lara Jean's arm draped over him. I can't believe I'm saying this but this is my family! This image of them is burned into my brain and I just know that there's nothing, absolutely nothing under the sun, that I wouldn't do for them.
I take Ethan out in his seat first then help Lara Jean out. The doctor said she's recovering nicely but there's still a little discomfort in her movement. The nurse assured us that it'll go away in few days.
Now out of the car too, she reaches into the carseat and takes Ethan in her arms. Since the moment he was born, we've been fighting over who gets to hold him and have him rest on their chest. Being the mom, of course, means that she wins most of the time, but whenever she's resting or napping, I have him all to myself. For this though, Lara Jean insisted that she wanted to be the one walking him into his home for the first time. Looking at them together, I don't have the heart to take this away from her, so I walk closely behind them, making sure that not even a gust of wind can disturb my beautiful family.
Trevor had told me that they will be having a welcoming party waiting for us and he wasn't kidding. The first thing we see when we walk in is a giant sign that says, "Welcome to the World, Ethan!" in glitter letters. All our closest friends and families are gathered at the back of the living room and as soon as they see us, they throw balloons and blow party whistles - very quietly though - and "yell" in hushed voices "Welcome home!" They don't want their celebration to scare a new born baby. They really all are the best!
We are immediately swarmed by everyone wanting to meet the newest addition, cooing to him who they are and how much they already love him. But surprisingly, the loudest demand to have access to the new baby is coming from Ellie. Chris is carrying her and trying to hold her back but she keeps launching herself in Ethan's direction and screams at anyone standing in her way. Under everyone's watchful eyes, and very carefully, Lara Jean and Chris edge the two babies closer to each other. When she has her eyes on him properly, Ellie quiets down and concentrates on Ethan, who has woken up in spite of everyone's efforts and is now watching her back curiously. Ellie looks back at her mom, then Lara Jean, then Ethan again. She points at him with her tiny finger and says, "Ada!" Then looks at her mom again, like she's making sure that she got it right. "Ada!".
The moment is so wonderful I wish I had caught it on camera, but then I look around and at least four or five cellphones are up filming this. My eyes meet Trevor's and our expression of pure joy and pride is a mirror of each other's. The thought that our own children can grow up to become best friends just as we did has an irresistible pull. Seeing it happening right in front of our eyes feels like a physical manifestation of our own bond.
Even though I was warned, I'm still surprised by how many people are actually there. Trevor and Chris are of course expected, so are Lizzy and Mat. I could've guessed Mom, Dan and Trina would be making the trip too but I had no idea that Kitty was flying over from Vancouver and Owen from Seattle for this! Even Margot and her family are digitally present through the huge screen Trevor had setup for them so they can be here for this moment.
Lara Jean too is overwhelmed for seeing everyone being so eager to surround Ethan and make sure he knows they are there for him. When we look at each other, we both know that we have the same thought running through our minds. We might both have grown up missing a parent, but seeing this now, we know that Ethan will have all the parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts who have no boundaries when it comes to loving him and supporting him.
How did I get so lucky to call all these people my family?
Day 9
Lara Jean
I can't believe how big he's gotten in just over a week! And so much more alert. When he was born, he only had his eyes open for few minutes at a time. Now, he can't stop looking around, wanting to see everything. And he gets excited when I change his diaper. It's like he couldn't wait to be free and starts to stretch out his whole body immediately. When he lifts his cute little feet now, I just have to run a finger over those tiny little toes. Then the most incredible thing in the world happens: he giggles! Very soft, small and short, but for the first time ever, my baby boy giggles. I squeal and jump around. I'm too excited to keep this to myself so I call his dad.
"Peter! Peter! Come quick!"
Peter comes up the stairs running. "What is it?! What happened? Is everything OK?!"
"He giggled! Ethan giggled!" My voice is squeaky but he still understands what I'm saying.
"He did?!" His excitement matches mine and he turns to Ethan. "You had your first giggle already? Can you do it again for Daddy?" He coos to him and strokes his belly and hold his fingers, trying and failing to get him to do it again. "What did you do to make him giggle?"
"Uhh... I think I played with his toes?"
Peter starts touching his toes. "Like this?"
"Yeah... I think so."
We're both watching him expectantly but he's just looking back. No giggle or anything. This does not discourage Peter though. For a solid five minutes, he tries everything he can come up with: holding his toes, stroking them, kissing them, tickling them and a hundred other things. And still no giggle.
He finally gives up, looking very dismayed. I try to console him by telling him that it's going to happen again but he just grumbles. He really wants to be there for every little one of his firsts. We both know it's not feasible but this is the first one he has missed and he seems to be taking it hard. I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it though so I leave him with the baby while I go get a new diaper.
With my back to them, I suddenly hear Peter's excited yelp. He jumps up and fists the air. "He did it! Did you hear? He did it!"
His baby boy giggled for him!
Day 12
Peter
I wake up suddenly and check the clock. 2:14AM. Ethan had woken up and was feed and put back to sleep less than an hour ago but I still feel compelled to go check on him. I move carefully so as not to wake Lara Jean up and go to the nursery. I approach the crib with my heart racing, but he's sleeping peacefully with one arm above his head and I can clearly see his chest rise and fall with his breathing. I breath a sigh of relief and go back to sleep.
Lara Jean
Is Ethan crying? No, it's quiet. Is it too quiet? What time is it? 2:58AM. I turn to check on Peter but he's snoring softly, so I get up quickly and head to the nursery. He's till on his back and just moved his arm a little. I let out the breath I was holding and go back to bed.
Peter
I need to check on Ethan! My eyes are suddenly wide open. I look at the baby monitor and notice the clock beside it. 3:35AM. No sound is coming from the baby monitor. Why is there no sound coming from the baby monitor? I quietly get up and walk to the nusery. He looks relaxed in his crib, stretching both his arms and legs. I sit down on the floor and rest my head against the rails to watch him for a minute before I got back to bed.
What?! Is this Lara Jean?
"Peter, what are you doing here?"
"Uhh... I came to check on Ethan. I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?"
"4:30. Was he crying?"
"Nn... Not exactly..."
Lara Jean narrows her eyes at me. "How many times have you been here to check on him tonight?"
"Mmmm... maybe three?"
She sighs and sits on the floor next to me. We're speaking in a hushed tone so we don't disturb his sleep. "This is my third time too. We must have missed each other." She looks at me quizzically. "Are we doing this for the same reason?"
"Depends. Did all this talk about SIDS on the New Parents forum on the internet spook you too?"
"Terrified me! I didn't know babies could just... I don't want to say it." She stretches her neck to look at him but he's still breathing rhythmically. "They talk about it like it happens everyday, how come we've never heard of it before?"
I put my arm around her and pull her against me. "Let's call the doctor in the morning... well, normal people morning, and ask about the actual risks."
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. But what are we going to do until then? I don't think I can go back to bed."
As an answer, I reach for a blanket and throw it over us both. "Neither can I."
When our son wakes up an hour later demanding to be feed again, we don't need the baby monitor. We're already there, ready to give him whatever he needs. Always.
Day 15
Lara Jean
I'm losing my mind! It's in the middle of the night, Ethan has been crying for half an hour now and I have no idea why!
"Maybe his diaper needs changing?" Peter says, sounding just as distraught as I am.
"We already did that!"
"Maybe he's hungry?"
He's been here with us the entire time! Doesn't he understand how irritating it is to keep repeating the same things over and over again?!! "We've been through this! He's changed and feed and burped. He's not hot nor cold. We've been both holding him and rocking him! I don't know what to do! Maybe it's time to call the doctor?"
"Let me try one more time, then we'll call the doctor."
I hold Ethan upright as I hand him over to Peter. Before he takes him, his hand makes a little tap on his back and Ethan lets out the biggest burp he's ever made. Then everything goes quiet.
Peter and I freeze, our eyes blown wide. Ethan starts to look around between us... then giggles!
Bewildered, Peter and I look at each other... then burst out laughing.
These past two weeks really have been a roller-coaster ride, but I wouldn't have it any other way.