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Fucked up. She was fucked up by everything. Negan looked at her as if through a glass, into the void. The child was crying and asking for Daddy's hands. Negan took the baby in his arms: "Daddy loves you very much, Joshua." Annie's eyes involuntarily filled with transparent dew. "Yes, son, Daddy only loves you." Negan stared at his wife. How did he feel about her? Gratitude for the child. A long time ago, he and Lucille considered the option of surrogacy. Now for him, Annie was something like a surrogate mother who carried his child. But Annie loved Negan, wanted him, wanted to give him love those rare nights together. But he did not demand this love.
At first, he did not want to disturb her vagina torn by childbirth, then their moans could wake up the child, then the child could see and ask what mom and dad were doing. Negan found a hundred excuses for not taking a wife. And so for three years. And the wife was not a fool. She knew that her husband jerks off secretly. And I guessed whose bright image he represents at these moments. The girl who owned his dreams. Whose name he involuntarily repeated in dreams: "Maggie."
"How is she better than me?" - Annie cried to her husband in tears when, once again, dressed in a nurse's suit without underwear, she did not receive the necessary affection from her husband. "Cover your shame, the child will see," Negan grimaced and turned away to the wall. He himself did not know how this inaccessible girl, to whom he had caused so much evil and pain, was better than his wife. Maybe because his stomach was cramping from her green eyes? Is it fashionable that when she was flooded, her cheeks were filled with blush? Maybe because he dreamed of kissing all the moles on her perfect body? Or maybe the fact that he still, after so many years, remembered her smell, it measured him, did not give him peace. She was just a dream. He could count on his fingers the days when he had the opportunity to catch her lips, but he did not do it. And at the same time cursed fate and thanked God that this did not happen.
So the days, weeks, months of Annie's hopeless family life went by. Just a mom, just a hostess. But not a beloved woman. On that day x, she was unsatisfied again. And when Negan left with his son for supplies, she just invited three men she knew into the house. They were visiting marshals from some community. The company drank a couple of bottles of whiskey. The man looked at Annie passionately, the way Negan had never looked at her. A kiss from one, stroking the hips from the other. And now the third one gives her his cock in her mouth. Annie came several times in a row, this has not happened to her for many years. The door was unlocked. Negan, who entered the room with his son, abruptly closed the child's eyes and took him outside to "Play." He probably had no right to hit these men. He had no right to Annie's intimate life at all. But the fact that it was in my house, the fact that my son could see it... Negan beat them half to death.
Annie was not sorry for these guys, she received from them in full, all that she had not received from her husband for many years. "Are we going to continue our happy family life as before?" - she asked her husband. "No, you're free, I know it's my own fault, but as you can see, I can't do anything." Negan took his wife to the next train, she went to Missouri to her sister, with whom she kept in touch. Negan desperately wanted to keep the baby with him, but he understood that it was selfish that Joshua needed a mom. No one could stop his dreams of Maggie now. Except for the marshals who have a grudge against him.
When Negan saw Maggie chasing him, he almost died on the spot from a broken heart. Of course, he didn't show it. But he was just shaking from the realization that the object of his lust was so close. And how hard it was for him to lie when he said why he sent his wife and child "in ebenya"*. Allegedly, she was raped, and he did not want to be the cause of her further problems (he lied as if he did not know how to lie at all). But how difficult it was for him to keep himself close to this girl, paid for the appearance of a fallen angel, how difficult and at the same time sweet!
* I will introduce you to this word. "in ebenya" [v ebenya] - means a distant, hard-to-reach place, a city, a settlement located far, far away. (Fuck how far away.)