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Laura woke up to the sun beaming down in her eyes. After a week of being woken up by droplets splashing against the window, this was a nice change. She groaned when she tried to open her eyes, blinking at the strong light. The thin white sheet grazed her naked body as she stretched. A smile appearing on her face, memories of the previous night flooding back to her. She let her arms rest above her head, not caring that the sheet had slipped and only covered half her body now. She turned her head toward the other side of the bed, expecting to see a bush of wild near-black hair in contrast to the pale skin of the girl it belonged to.
She jerked up when she saw there was nothing there, her head giving her a sharp pain at the sudden movement. The white pillow case didn’t have a single fold in it, and it looked like no one had ever been there. Because there hadn’t. Laura’s smile fell as she realized it had all just been a dream, her imagination getting her hopes up. Her hands clutched the sheet, covering her up entirely. She suddenly felt very cold, and sadness wept over her as it had every morning since she’d left.
She drew a shaky breath in an effort to strengthen herself once more. As usual, it didn’t do much. It only reminded her of how close she was to crying. She brought a hand to her lips as she swallowed in an attempt to make the lump in her throat disappear. The tingle in Laura’s lips was ever present as the memories of how the girl’s lips had felt against hers. It had always been there to remind her how much she missed her kisses, her touches, and her love. She lowered her hand and looked around the room. It was the same room she had been staying in for over a week now, probably the longest she’d ever been able to stay. Saint-Tropez’ shores greeted her when stood up with the sheet tied around her body. The windows were big and allowed her to step out onto the balcony, greeting the fresh ocean air. She liked this place more than she’d liked any other town or country or god forsaken place she’d stayed in for the past two years. Two years it’s been and still, she haunted her every waking moment. Even worse, she still dreamed about her. There was no escaping her.
Laura had lost contact with LaFontaine and Perry a few months ago when she’d destroyed her phone. She had one of her angry outbursts and took it out on the only thing holding her back, her connection to everyone she knew. The only number she knew by heart, and had written on a little note in her wallet, she hadn’t called in 17 days. 17 days since she’d last spoken her dad. That was the longest she’d gone without talking to him as well. 17 days she’d been completely cut off from her old life and it was going well so far.
She didn’t really want to know how LaF and Perry and their little bundle of joy were doing because it was the same every single time. They were doing well, but they missed her and wished she’d come home soon. She’d told him the same thing she’d been saying for the past two years. She’ll come back when she’s ready. And she was far from ready.
She turned her back on the beautiful view, threw the sheet on the bed and walked into the ensuite bathroom. Maybe a shower would help. She knew it wouldn’t.
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Laura took her fourth drink of the night, followed suite by her fifth as she motioned for the bartender to poor her another one. They didn’t know her here, it didn’t matter that people stared at her and whispered about her. She’d leave tomorrow anyways. She whipped her head around at the sound of a glass shattering behind her. A flash of black hair and white skin made her dizzy and quickly turn her attention back to the bar, where there was another drink waiting for her. She downed it and blinked her eyes a few times, trying to get rid of the flashes of pale skin, dark eyes, and red liquid that clouded her mind. She was beginning to feel the effect of the alcohol as she threw the glass back with her seventh drink burning in her throat, the feeling going unnoticed as she desperately tried to distract her mind.
At moments like these, thinking of her friends only made her feel worse. They told her she shouldn’t have rushed into their relationship once all the trouble was over. They told her to talk with her love instead of just wanting to forget about what happened. She didn’t listen, and she was happy with that decision. For a while.
For a while she’d been in a state of bliss. A place she liked to refer to as wonderland. A place she so desperately wanted to return to. But no amount of alcohol had ever managed. Only her touches, her kisses and her moans had helped ease her worry. The way her arms had twisted around her when they lied in bed, trying to catch their breath. The way she’d pressed a kiss to her hair before falling asleep in each other’ arms. Because of her, she’d been able to sleep soundly again. For a while.
She left the bar when the bartender refused to serve her any more alcohol and made her pay her tab. She made her way back to the hotel slowly, swaying on her feet. She was pretty sure she was going in the right direction but she couldn’t care less if she wasn’t. Wait, how did she end up in the middle of the road? She cracked a smile and swayed back to the side of the road as she kept walking up the hill.
The sky lit up in front of her and she frowned, halting in her tracks, hear still spinning. It was still night time, right?
The bright light of the car headlights made her mind flood with memories of that morning exactly two years ago. The way she’d woken up like she always had, only there was something missing this time. Her arms were not around her. Her smell didn’t linger in the air. The curtains weren’t closed. The sunlight shining brightly into her eyes, blinding her for a moment before realizing she wasn’t next to her. She’d jerked up, much like she had this morning, sheet clutched to her chest as she saw the closet doors standing wide open, a huge part of clothes were missing. She’d jumped up, ran into the bathroom only to see her toothbrush and toiletries gone. Feeling the lump forming in her throat she ran back into their bedroom. Upon seeing her yellow pillow missing from its usual spot, she’d screamed her name, hoping to hear an annoyed grunt asking her what was going on. Silence. The eerie silence greeted her as she felt tears welling up in her eyes.
The sound of the car honking as it just barely missed her snapped her out of her memory, the guy yelling something about getting her ass off the road. Maybe she should just crash in the forest next to the lonely road. Wasn’t like she hadn’t done that before.
She made it to the top of the hill and saw the hotel coming into view. She took a few steps forward but was surprised by a rock in her path that sent her stumbling forward. Unable to catch her balance with the amount of alcohol in her system, she fell on the hard concrete road. Her hands sliding along the little loose stones, cutting into the palm of her hand. Her head was pounding now. The blow of the fall not having helped her state. Her palms were wet and hot. She tried to push herself up after a second, but groaned as the pain of her cut open palms was too much. She managed to get herself into a seating position and studies the damage. Since when did she have four hands? She blinked a couple of times to try and get a relatively normal vision again. She saw a layer of red coating her hands. Blood. She was bleeding. She inspected her pants and found a red stain on them. Weird, there wasn’t any pain in her leg. A droplet dripped from her eyebrow onto her pants. Then another one followed. She reached her hand up to touch it but seeing as her palms were full of little stones, she grazed the back of her hand along her forehead. Bad idea. A sharp hot pain made her weak and she groaned. This was not good.
After a minute of trying to wipe her hands on her jeans as carefully as she could, she managed to get up and continue her way back to the hotel. The stairs up to her room were a challenge but she managed with a stumble or two. Eventually she got her door open and swayed into the bathroom. She found it too much trouble to clean up so she just drank some water to try and get the lump in her throat to go away. She did wash her hands a bit, the water giving her a stinging, yet relieving feeling. She didn’t bother taking off her clothes as she landed on the bed, falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
A black cat hunted her dreams this time. It was nearly as heartbreaking as she herself appearing in Laura’s dreams. It was only a little easier than her human form simply because she never had happy dreams when she was in her cat form. She saw those fierce eyes burning a hole in her heart and suffered more asleep than she did awake. When she dreamt those heavenly dreams of her not ever having left, she’d wake up and reality would be even worse.
The morning was easier today than it had been yesterday. She snatched her bag out of the corner of the room and searched it for a change of clothes. Her head was pounding but she was used to it by now so she ignored it. It wasn’t until she regarded herself in the mirror that she saw the dried up blood along the side of her neck, all the way into her hairline. She sighed as she grabbed some tissues in order to clean up the blood. She got a band aid and covered up the wound after trying to get it clean. Her hands were full of little cuts but they were already on their way to healing.
She didn’t even realize she was on her way to the place she had once called home until she was checked out of the hotel and walking along the same road as the night before. After two years, the search for something to make her feel like what they had was over. She knew she’d never find it again. She didn’t really want to find it again. She was still not how she wanted herself to be. She was still broken mess in the favorite country of her former lover, forever out looking for her. It was time to give up. Her nineteen year old self would probably be disappointed at her right now. She hadn’t given up back then, and look where that got her. It was time to give up, and let her go. That hole that was left in her heart would never mend, and it was time to accept it.
Laura kept walking, an emotionless expression on her face, never glancing back at the city she just left, and her eyes only on the uncertain future in front of her. She would probably get a lecture from LaFontaine and Perry when she managed to get back. If she ever got back, and if they even wanted to speak to her again.
She stopped at the nearest payphone by the side of the road, a little down the hill and dialed the number she knew so well.
“Dad?” her voice cracked. “Yeah, I know – I’m sorry. Listen,” she paused and sighed, “I’m coming home.”