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Minho wakes up to the sight of Chan sitting by the window, on the comfortable armchair where he likes to read. But Chan isn't reading this time, he is shutting down, Minho can tell by the way his eyes seem to be devoid of any light.
This helplessness of not being able to do anything to bring him out, to reach out for him, to wake him up from this shell he refuses to come out of. Minho hates it. Hates feeling so powerless, hates that can't do anything. So he stays and talks to him even if he knows he won't get an answer. But he tries and waits patiently.
It happens far too many times, too often for Minho's liking. He hates it with all his heart, it pains him. Hurts him. It shatters his heart each time he witnesses this.
Minho is powerless. He wants his Channie back, the one who laughs breathlessly, smiles so bright he could outshine the sun, the one who does little shaky fists when he eats something he enjoys. The one who cannot help but hug him all day and night. Minho really wants Chan to hug him now.
There is no point in asking him what's wrong. Chan doesn't like to open himself up, unless he has no choices. And with the state he's in, he will only get ignored anyway.
Chan is only just a shell of a human right now. And Minho has to witness him like that again. It's not the first time, but he will never get used to it. It's so painful to see Chan's empty eyes, looking out of the window. Head turned toward the blue sky but his eyes were unfocused, unseeing. Lost somewhere in his head.
Minho takes Chan's hand in his, drawing circles on the back of it.
His Chan would have teased him for the rare show of affection, and he would have threatened him with a blush blooming on his cheeks, reaching even his ears. Painting his face a soft pink. Maybe he would have kissed him to shut him up. It always flustered Chan, even after years of dating.
But there was no reaction, not even a little startle or a chuckle. Nothing.
Minho wishes these moments would disappear and never come back. He wishes nothing but happiness for Chan. His Chan, his dear leader who went through so much, who has so much on his shoulders. His Chan who deserves the universe.
He could feel his throat tighten at the sight, but he fights it back.
With a shaky sigh, he crouches down in front of him, Chan's hand still in his as he plays with the jewel around his ring finger. A proof of their engagement. A proof that they will always be there for each other.
It was nothing fancy, not even a proper engagement ring... But it was enough for them.
They stumbled upon a set of two rings one day, one was a vague geometrically shaped bunny, and the other was a wolf, just as geometric as the first. So they bought it, and asked each other in marriage in the park near the shop.
For anyone else, it would have been very underwhelming, nothing like the romantic proposal they heard about, but to them, it was perfect. They didn't want anything fancy. They liked the simplicity of it.
Minho smiles at the precious memory. "I will never forget the day we told the kids about our engagement, and Hyunjin almost fainted because "this isn't how you're supposed to propose !" he’s so dramatic" He chuckles, replaying the memory in his mind.
"The way he apologized as soon as I glared at him. It was funny." He continues, his gaze lost on the wolf ring Chan wears.
There is a silence before he speaks again. A silence he hates, because he knows it causes Chan to spiral down, to lose himself further into his mind. And Minho can't seem to find him, to bring him out. It’s like trying to find him in a thick fog and he feels just as lost.
"What's inside your pretty head..." He whispers, feeling the helplessness hitting him again. He lifts Chan’s hand closer to his lips and gently kisses his pale skin before he gets up.
He wanted to make pancakes for Chan, knowing how much he loves eating them in the morning. Thinking of his cute shaky fists while munching on pancakes brings a smile to Minho’s face. He’d cook and bake anything to make him happy, but it’s even better when Chan graces him of his presence, playing the ukulele as he produces pancakes after pancakes and they eat in comfortable silence. Too tired to talk, just content to exist in the same space.
He feels a light tug on his sleeve when he starts walking away and he finds himself rushing back to his previous position, crouching in front of Chan. This time, he isn't looking out the window, but he isn't looking at Minho either, his eyes down, still unfocused, unseeing as Minho searches for him. A fragment of his Chan, of his soul. A hint that he is starting to wake up from whatever trance he was in.
"Want me to stay?" Minho asks softly.
Chan nods slowly, Minho smiles, just a little. "Okay, I'll stay then..."
"Are you back with me?"
Chan shakes his head. Not yet, but soon.
He's a little more expressive, frowning and eyes moving. Still unseeing, but moving. As if Chan was fighting whatever demon was haunting him.
Minho brings a hand to his soft curls, petting his hair to comfort him, telling him he is still here and he won't leave any time soon, unless Chan asks. His hand lowers to cup his cheek, soothingly caressing his soft pale skin with his thumb.
Ever so slightly, Chan leans in the touch, his eyes closing. Minho wanted to pull him into a hug, to kiss his sadness away, but he waited for Chan to come back to him. To wake up again.
Minho hums, a soft tune his mother used to sing when he was sad or upset as a kid. It stuck with him until now and he likes to sing it to Chan whenever it's just the two of them, no one else has heard it but him. They stay like that long enough for Minho to finish the tune.
"Would you like some pancakes?" He asks, hoping for an answer.
He notices Chan's brows drawn together in a frown. He was almost pouting, the way he does when he thinks of something. And then he shakes his head, having made his decision.
"Do you want them later?"
Minho was expecting a movement, but instead, he hears a soft "mmh" and his heart quickens a little. Chan is coming back to him.
"Okay, later then."
Minho brings his hands to Chan's, resting on his laps. He cages them inside his smaller ones, warming Chan's cold fingers as he waits patiently.
"M'sorry"
He hears, and his eyes snap up. Chan was looking at him, focused on Minho, on his eyes. A rueful smile on his lips.
Minho gently cups his cheeks. "You're back..." He whispered to himself.
He felt Chan trying to nod in his hands, and happiness washes over him. His Channie is back, maybe not fully, but he isn't just a shell anymore.
"Come. The pancakes won't make themselves." He says, holding Chan's hand to try and get him up. Chan follows, with a tiny chuckle. Just a little one. Minho could notice he wasn't fully there yet, but he will be patient.