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“Touya, why is that tree covered in ice?”
Touya startled at Kohane’s voice at his shoulder, plastering an innocent smile on before turning around. “…I don’t know what you mean.”
She shot him a disbelieving look before shaking her head, a small smile breaking through. “Was it on purpose?”
“Sort of. I didn’t mean to cover the whole thing, just the bottom.”
Kohane craned her neck slowly to look up the trunk, stopping at the frost-covered leaves at the very top. “Well, uhm…you tried?”
He sighed, watching the thin layer of ice fade away in the heat. “It’s quite annoying.”
She hummed, patting his shoulder in sympathy. “You’ll get it! You’ve only been practising for a few months. Akito was still burning stuff when we met. And we all know what his part of the table looks like.”
He shook his head at the reminder, a smile tugging at his lips. “But still, I am an adult. I should be able to do this.”
Kohane frowned at the ground, lips pursed. “You are, but in terms of magic, you’re still… a baby?”
Choked laughter tore itself from his throat and he shot her the most incredulous look he could muster. “What?”
A snort, before Kohane doubled down. “A baby. You haven’t used magic for very long, so you’re still at baby level. And besides, none of you thought less of me for not knowing a lot about the world outside my village. We didn’t care that An didn’t know how to survive in the wilderness, or that Akito takes ages to learn new things. So why would we care that you’re not some ice sage already?” She took a deep breath, cutting off her rambling before grabbing his hands in hers, holding them up. “We all have things we’re good at and things we’re still learning. So it’s fine. You’re actually doing really well compared to other people.”
Her hands were warm.
“Alright, I understand.”
“Good!”
Their arms dropped, but neither let go.
“Why did you come to find me, anyway?” he asked, eyeing the melted remains of his magic.
“Oh!” Kohane jolted. “Lunch is ready, sorry. An is probably freaking out thinking I’ve died on the way.”
He hummed, already walking toward the house. “I suppose we should fix that.”
Kohane’s words were meant to soothe his worries. And they had, don’t get him wrong. But they brought up something he’d been ignoring for months.
He was a prince. He was smart in all sorts of things—most of which were irrelevant in this new life. He could play the piano and violin better than all save the king. Excelled in all studies; from maths to history to etiquette. Knew how to read and write and craft his own stories and poetry. How to sway people with those words and who to use that power on easiest. Could dance for hours and still come out smiling on the other end. Though only two people had ever been able to see it was fake.
But here? Outside the castle walls, in between trees and throngs of people; what use was all that?
He could barely cook or sew and knew almost nothing practical. The others spent more time teaching him than anything else. And sure, he had improved. But they could still do anything he could ten times better.
And that was the problem. There was no instrument here to play (in the event he could drag himself to actually touch them). No one to woo, or fancy balls to dance at. Even his vast knowledge was only incidentally useful. All those ‘talents’ and nothing to show for it. Nothing real.
So what was he actually…good at…anymore? What did he even contribute to them?
He sighed and rolled over in his bed. If he kept thinking any longer, Akito would think he was still scared to fall asleep. And as much as he loved them all, the thought of being in a bed with them right now made his skin crawl.
The candle on his drawer burnt low, barely anything more than a puddle of wax at this point. He couldn’t see the moon quite yet though, so it couldn’t be that late. Or early. Sighing wearily once more, he closed his eyes, flame flickering behind them as he let it lull him to sleep.
The problem persisted throughout the day. All he’d been able to think about was what he couldn’t do—or do anymore.
Kohane and An had left for town in the morning. He’d offered to come, but they said they didn’t have much to carry. Akito went outside soon after, axe swinging loosely in one hand and a tarp in the other. Touya didn’t even bother asking; he wasn’t strong enough to cut or carry wood.
So instead, he sat in the garden at their table, at the first thing he’d ever made. Though ‘made’ may be giving him too much credit. They all guided his every move, told him exactly how to cut and glue the wood. He absolutely didn’t want to sound ungrateful—everything was a gift he greatly enjoyed. He was only ever upset at himself for not just…knowing. It irked him to no end, supposedly the smartest of them all, and yet simultaneously the stupidest.
He leaned over the table, resting his cheek on its rough surface. He wanted to do something for them…serve them…serve. Servant? What did servants do? He perked up. Maybe he had finally figured something out. They cooked and cleaned; they did the chores around the castle. Things he did regularly nowadays. He drummed his fingers on the table absentmindedly. Someone cleaned the house most days here and there. Sweeping and airing out the house once a week or so. Things he could confidently do, and something the others couldn’t do any ‘better’ than him. It didn’t really feel anywhere close to what they’d done for him, but it was a start. The others all complained at some point over cleaning, but he quite liked it. He glanced at the sky. He had a few hours to himself, and there was no time like the present.
He pushed the chair back in and went inside, throwing the windows open. It was late summer—the chill of autumn a few weeks away—and he’d never tire of letting sunlight fill the space. It was market day, so he could do a little more than dust without arousing suspicion. He grabbed the duster, making sure to cover even the tiniest corners he knew were barely touched. He spent several hours like that, even when Akito came back. Touya simply moved around him until Akito rolled his eyes good-naturedly and went outside to lie in the grass and out of the way. The floor was shining by the time the girls returned. Their thanks were all he needed to know he was doing something right.
It continued like that for a few days. Whenever he was alone, he’d tidy up, usually small things—he didn’t have time or a reason to do the more laborious tasks right now. Anything they wanted done he’d volunteer for—grab that bag, move this, chop that. He couldn’t quite be sure it was working the way he intended beyond their initial surprise. It’s not like he was taking a great burden from them in the first place. It would probably be back to the drawing board soon enough.
Sooner than expected, apparently.
He was folding the towels when a shadow fell over him. He looked up to find Akito with his lips pursed.
“Can you come into the living room?” Akito eyed the laundry with a look he couldn’t decipher.
He frowned, but put the towel to the side and let Akito pull him up. Kohane and An were in the kitchen when he came down the hall.
“Sit.” An pointed at a lone armchair, dragging the couch around to face the chair.
He sat meekly, waiting, as they all plopped onto the couch. It felt distinctly like a council meeting and he was being interviewed.
Akito spoke first. “What’s wrong?”
He blinked. “Nothing?”
An crossed her arms. “Uh-huh. So you just really like chores now? The floor is so clean and slippery we could go ice skating early on it.”
“You keep volunteering to do the dishes,” Kohane added. “And when we go to clean something, it’s already done…”
“Are you…complaining about me doing housework?” He knew they were onto him, but it was a little funny to pretend otherwise.
“No, we just can’t think of a single reason for you to do it all. ‘Cause that’s what you’re doing. We all know it,” Akito said. “So, did something happen? Is our cleaning that shit you need to fix it?” He was joking, but his voice trembled slightly.
“Of course not,” he sighed.
Akito made a gesture like ‘then what?’
He clasped his hands in his lap, eyes locked to his fingers. “I’ve just been thinking that I need to contribute more. So I thought maybe doing all the chores was a solution.”
That seemed to only baffle them more.
“Solution to what?” Kohane asked.
“You literally gave me a better life. But I don’t know what I can do for you all.”
“You don’t need to do anything!” Kohane and An instantly protested.
He shook his head before they could argue further. “That’s not true. You’ve all done so much for me; how could I possibly not do anything in return? And no”—he held up a hand as Akito opened his mouth—“I’m not saying my worth is determined by what I can provide. But I want to do something. Anything. To repay the impossible favour you have all done for me.”
“You don’t. It’s not like we’ve done anything special,” Akito argued. “And even if we had, that doesn’t mean you gotta…what? Make up for it in labour?”
He sat forward in his chair, looking them in the eyes as if that could get his plea across. “I want to. I need to show you how much I lo—” he stuttered, “care for you all.”
“Touya…”
“I’ve never been allowed to express that. I had too much to give and only two people to give to. Frankly, you’d be doing me a favour. Another one.” He deflated, one more for the pity tally.
Kohane cocked her head. “But you are expressing that?”
“No?” he frowned. “I can’t cook as well as An. I can’t cut the firewood, or tend to the garden like you. I sit here and learn, but I don’t do anything that helps you all.”
They sat in silence for a few seconds as his words sunk in.
“Oh. I get it,” An murmured. She glanced at Akito before laughing. “You know, Akito's and I’s love language is violence, and we both know we don’t mean it, so it’s fine. Kohane can’t always get us to stop, but you can. You’re our voice of reason.” Her voice quietened, and he had to strain to hear. “And you make me feel loved. Everyone around me always did because of my dad. I was just ‘Ken’s little daughter of the town.’ But you came here—with no idea who I was—and did it anyway.”
He wasn’t quite sure where An was going with this, but apparently Kohane did. She nodded, fiddling with her fingers. “An and Akito are loud—”
“Hey!” said loud people shouted, completely proving her point.
She was unable to stiffen her giggle. “—And that’s fine. But I can be quiet with you. If I wanted to sit together and read they’d get restless after a few minutes. They just can’t appreciate the silence like you do. We can simply be. I’m content when it’s just us.”
She and An looked expectedly at Akito, who rolled his eyes but settled back into the couch. “I’m a bitch t—”
An shrieked with laughter, waving her hands in Akito’s face. “Stop! Stop there! We’re done here we can just leave it at that—”
With a growl Akito shoved his hands over An’s mouth, pushing her face into the couch and looking at Touya like nothing was wrong. “—To other people. But you make me…softer. I think I’d rather die than be mean to you. But I like who I am with you a little more. You make me feel worth something.”
He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. He might need to steal Akito’s spot as a fire mage. “Are you all trying to kill me?” he managed faintly. “Also please, An is suffocating.”
Akito laughed but let her out. An took several exaggerated breaths, Kohane looking worried for a second before catching on.
“You balance us out, Touya.” Akito sobered up.
“It’s not always about what you can literally do for someone,” Kohane agreed. “It’s just about being yourself with others. That’s why you don’t need to do anything; you’re already doing it just by existing.”
“I—” He let out a slow breath. Oh. “I understand. I suppose I just didn’t see that as tangible enough. Or as an option.”
“Well,” An grinned. “I’m not saying you can’t always do the cleani—ow!” She cut off with a yelp, both Akito and Kohane digging an elbow into her ribs. “I was kidding! But to be honest, seeing you happy and doing new things is all we want…”
“Woah. Cringe,” Akito snorted.
An ignored him. “We could make a list of things you wanna do?”
Akito shot her a dirty look. “Don’t people only do that when they’re dying?”
“No. Shut the fuck up.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t mind doing that. But are you…really sure that’s okay?” He can’t say he completely understood their point, despite knowing it was the truth. He simply had never experienced it. Nothing new there. So, he had to confirm it. He’d probably keep confirming it again and again. That it was fine, that he was enough for them.
“You’re our partner, Touya.” Akito reached over and grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards them. “Not our pet project. Not our slave, or our charity case. We don’t lo—” he swallowed. “Love you because we have to. It’s our choice. And we’ll keep choosing it. Choosing you.”
“Hooly shit. Who possessed you?” An choked, as Touya blinked away tears.
Kohane giggled and wrapped an arm around him. “It’s true, though.”
He knelt there, on a rug in front of the three people he loved, and who loved him in return. Whether it was the same kind of love, he could only hope.
But it was enough.