Chapter Text
"In this world, it's just us...you know its not the same as it was"
Spring had come. The air was crisp and sweet, even with the sun hidden behind a thick blanket of ominous grey clouds. Two kids sat near the ledge of a sidewalk, their knees muddied and their hands sticky from the melting popsicles they grasped. The pavement was littered with colorful diagrams of rocket ships and mechanical parts, drawn intricately by both of the children.
"Say, Hange?" One hummed, chin tiled up to the sky. Neither of them feared the rain. In fact, they welcomed it with open arms.
"Yeah?" The other kid responded, their brown eyes wide with curiosity.
"Do you think our rocket ship would work?" (Y/N) asked as she snapped her popsicle stick in half. "Because, I dunno if we got the parts right and the sun seems really far away."
"It will," Hange promised. They had always been so optimistic, so full of hope. Sometimes, it was contagious. (Y/N)'s heart would bloom with their instilled hope, and she'd find herself looking forward to their shared future. Or at least, what she hoped would be a shared future.
"How long do you think it'll take?"
The thunder rumbled overhead, the branches of nearby trees swaying in the wind. (Y/N) inhaled greedily, taking in the fresh scent of air before rainfall. It was safe to say that spring showers had always been her favorite weather.
"Maybe years. Like ten years?" Hange shrugged. They leaned back on their arms, their fingers brushing (Y/N)'s. She didn't move, comforted by her best friend's touch. "But it'll be fine. We'll build our rocket ship, go to the sun, and become famous. Everyone will know our names. They might make fun of us now, but ten years in the future, they'll be begging to take a ride on our ship."
At the tender age of nine, both Hange and (Y/N) had experienced the lengths to which kids could be cruel. The two were just a bit different from the rest. They might have enjoyed hobbies that other kids could have deemed peculiar, but that didn't mean they deserved to be picked on. The two had found each other that way. In the playground, all alone, with no one to talk to.
"Will we be together then?" (Y/N) asked, although she already knew the answer. She and Hange were inseparable. She didn't need any other friends. She didn't need anyone else. If Hange was by her side, she would be happy.
"Of course!" Hange exclaimed. "We have to be together. You promised me you'd help me on this, right? You can't back out now, (N/N)."
"I'm not," (Y/N) promised, linking her pinky with Hange's. "I'll always be by your side."
The promises that the two made on that cloudy day in March would soon be forgotten. Years would pass. Both would grow. They'd stay together for a long time. The two would be best friends for years to come, never needing anyone else. But things changed. Somewhere along the way, the promises were broken, and their inseparable duo would break apart.
--
The ground shook, the floors vibrating with the low bass of the loud music. The air hung heavy with the pungent scent of sweat and alcohol, and (Y/N) found herself frowning at the thirty-so people crammed into her apartment. She stood near the door to her bedroom, eyes scanning the room in search of a familiar face. The first day of the semester was tomorrow. She had preparations to make. How was she supposed to concentrate when all she could hear was blaring music and the sound of someone puking their guts in the nearby bathroom. Once again, Sasha hadn't consulted her before throwing this party. Once again, her roommates had completely ignored her desire for peace and quiet.
"(Y/N)!" Finally, a familiar face. It was Mikasa, her lips curved into a frown as she pushed through the dancing bodies. "Have you seen Sasha?"
"I was looking for her right now," (Y/N) sighed, rubbing at her temples. This was going to be a long night. She had an eight am lab tomorrow morning. Yeah, she had subjected herself to the torturing of a morning class, but she hadn't anticipated she wouldn't be getting any sleep at all.
"Did she tell you about this party?" Mikasa yelled over the loud music, gesturing to the random people in the shared apartment. She, (Y/N), and Sasha had moved into the apartment two years ago, the spring of their freshman year. At the time, it had seemed like a great idea. They had all been close friends. Rent would be split. But...as time passed by, (Y/N) began to realize that their personalities were very different.
"No! I came home to this after my shift," (Y/N) shook her head. "How many times do we have to tell her not to throw these things without getting our approval first?"
"There she is," Mikasa pointed to the corner of the room. Sasha was dancing, her brown hair pulled back into a high ponytail, a light sheen of sweat on her skin. Besides her were her two other friends—Connie and Jean.
"Sasha!" (Y/N) shoved her way through the crowd, her desperation to get some quiet time to relax fueling her to keep going.
"(Y/N)!" Sasha beamed when she turned. "Hey! You made it back just in time. We were about to—"
"How many times do I have to tell you to at least ask or give a warning before you throw these things," (Y/N) huffed, exasperated. "The first day of the semester is tomorrow and I don't—"
"Oh, c'mon, (Y/N)," Sasha threw an arm around (Y/N)'s shoulders, cutting her off promptly. "This was our last summer before we graduate next year. Our last summer as undergraduate students. C'mon, we gotta end it with a bang!"
"A bang being this party?"
"Exactly!" Sasha cheered.
(Y/N) sighed. She knew, and Sasha knew, and just about everyone else in the room knew, that she couldn't stay mad at Sasha for long. The two had been friends for almost four years now. She couldn't blatantly say no to Sasha. The girl was too sweet for that. Perhaps (Y/N)'s frown had grown deeper, since Sasha began to pout.
"I'm sorry," Sasha's smile faded a little. "I didn't want to make you mad...you're always so tense all the time, and I just wanted to help make things a little fun before another semester of torture."
(Y/N) smiled a little and squeezed Sasha's arm reassuringly. "I'm not mad at you. Promise. And it's alright you threw this party, just next time...give me a little heads up so I don't have to have a huge shock when I see my apartment overflowing with people I've never met?"
"Yay!" Sasha threw her arms around (Y/N), giving her a quick squeeze. "I promise I'll warn you next time. Do you want a drink? Connie made the punch!"
(Y/N) cringed. Connie Springer. Everyone knew to stay away from his punches since the 2019 fruit punch fiasco. A year later, people still shuddered whenever talking about that incident. "Nah. I'll pass. I'll go back to standing in the corner with Mikasa and guard my room to make sure no one sneaks in there to...do nasty stuff."
Sasha giggled. "Yeah. Locking your room would be a great idea. Once, Jean puked in my room and I couldn't get the smell out for weeks."
"That's gross."
"Yeah...oh, (Y/N)! I had to tell you something," Sasha grabbed onto (Y/N)'s arm and pulled her farther into the corner, away from the prying ears of their other friends. She leaned closer to whisper in (Y/N)'s ear, her hot breath brushing against (Y/N)'s skin. "There's this girl—"
"Oh no. I know where this is going," (Y/N) groaned. She struggled to free her arm from Sasha's grip, but the brunette dug her fingers into her arm. "Sashaaa, quit trying to set me up with people!"
"I didn't even finish," Sasha whined. "At least give me the chance to say what I was going to!"
"Fine. I'll give you one minute. Speak."
Sasha grinned, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief. "So, actually there are two girls. They are exchange students from that prestigious university abroad...what was it called? Malley? Macenta?"
"Marley?"
"Yes! Marley University! I saw them at one of the sorority meetings, and oh my gosh (Y/N), both of them seem to be your type," Sasha gushed. "One's extremely tall with blonde hair. She is like so scary. I swear she spent the entire time glaring at me. I bet she's like a tsundere or something. You like that, don't you?"
"I—"
"Anyway, the other has black hair I think and she's the sweetest! She's so cute, (Y/N)! I just know you'll love her," Sasha bounced up and down excitedly. "Do you want me to give them your number? Set you up on a date? Which one do you want? Or perhaps you want both...?"
"Calm down," (Y/N) couldn't help but chuckle. "No one is going on a date, Sash. I'm busy with studying and then my job. Dating is a hassle I can't afford to get into right now."
"Aw but I don't want you to stay lonely forever," Sasha frowned. "You're amazing, (Y/N). And I'm sure many other people think that way too."
(Y/N)'s expression softened, and she squeezed Sasha's hand. This is why she could never be mad at Sasha for long. People entered and left (Y/N)'s life constantly. She'd been the so called 'best friend' of many people in the past. With time, she learned that even sometimes friendship doesn't last. That sometimes, even those you call your friends would trample over you to get what they wanted. But Sasha was different. At least, (Y/N) had hoped she was.
"Thanks, Sasha," (Y/N) cleared her throat. She hadn't expected feeling sentimental during her confrontation with Sasha, but there she was, overcome with appreciation for her friend. Did she particularly enjoy the many failed blind dates that Sasha had set up for her? No. But she loved her friend for trying.
"Sash!" Connie called out, waving his arm. "Jean just dared me to do a keg stand! Wanna come watch? I bet you a hundred bucks I can do it!"
"And I bet two hundred he won't!" Jean said, his voice smug.
Sasha grinned. "I'll be right over!"
She turned to (Y/N), giving her arm a squeeze. "Just think about it, okay? The girl with the dark hair is totally your type. She's so cute and so nice, and if I wasn't already dating Niccolo, I would have totally asked her out."
"In your dreams, Sasha," (Y/N) shook her head, amused, as she watched her friend race off to witness Connie do an impossible task. She was sure he was about to make a mess in the living room later. Well, that was her cue to leave. (Y/N) turned around and headed back to where Mikasa was leaning against the wall.
"Did you reprimand her?" Mikasa asked.
"Yeah...you can say that."
Mikasa raised a brow but left it at that. Even she couldn't say no to Sasha often, so she understood (Y/N)'s inability to shut the party down or to demand answers.
The rest of the night, the two stood near their bedrooms, guarding it from the strangers that were practically wrecking their apartment. The mess would be tough to clean in the morning. But she would deal with all that later.
--
Many people feared first days. For many, it was an anxiety-inducing situation. But not for (Y/N). No, she was prepared, with all of her printed syllabi and filled out planner. It was her last first day, and this semester was going to be her semester. Summer had passed, and it was time to return to her classes. Was she dreading the year? Of course. While she may have been passionate about learning, she was still a tired college student. But she wouldn't let that get in her way. Not when she had plans. She was graduating next year, and her resume was pretty sparse. This year, she had to step up her game.
The lab smelled like antiseptic and mold. (Y/N) carefully laid out her laptop and planner in front of her, ready to attend her first class of the day. Molecular biology lab. A pain, if you asked (Y/N). At least the class was with Dr. Shadis.
"Ugh all the other sections had been filled out," a student behind (Y/N) groaned. "I don't want to take this class with Dr. Shadis! His ratings sucked."
Ah. Of course, not all usually agreed with (Y/N). She had worked with Dr. Shadis before and enjoyed his presence. He was, after all, quite knowledgeable.
"Stupid classes have to fill up so quick," the student grumbled. "I already know I'm going to fail."
(Y/N) tuned out of the conversation behind her and focused on the laptop screen up ahead. Her head throbbed a little from lack of sleep, but she tried her best to ignore it. According to the syllabus, the first exam was in exactly one month. She had already read through and wrote up notes for the four chapters the exam was on. All she had to do now was pay attention to the lectures and then she would be set. A few moments later, the door to the classroom swung open and Dr. Shadis walked in, followed by two girls. One was short with eyes that seemed to sparkle under the fluorescent lights and hair that seemed soft to touch. The other was much taller, with choppy blonde hair and an intimidating gaze.
Both were insanely attractive. The shorter one turned in her direction, her eyes locking with (Y/N)'s. She was really pretty. Insanely pretty. She began to walk towards (Y/N)'s direction, and (Y/N) paused. For some strange reason, (Y/N) felt a wave of deja vu.
"Hi," the girl's voice was soft and sweet. "Can I sit here?"
(Y/N) gave a sharp nod and pulled her stuff closer to make room for the two other girls.
"Thanks! I'm Pieck and that's Yelena," the girl nodded towards the blonde.
"(Y/N)," (Y/N) cleared her throat. She hadn't expected lab mates. She typically kept to herself in classes and was usually partnered off with whoever the professor decided.
Pieck opened her mouth to speak yet was cut off when Dr. Shadis began turned on the projector. Lab was starting. Conversation could be made later. (Y/N) turned to the board, ready to tune out everything else.
--
Hours passed and (Y/N) finally finished with her classes. Since it was still the first week, she didn't have any of her regular club meetings and even her job let her take a few shifts off to prepare for the semester. It was still warm as (Y/N) walked through the campus quad, enjoying the brief moment of peace she had gotten since that morning. Her head throbbed and she yearned for her bed. She hoped Mikasa and Sasha had cleaned up the apartment from last night. She didn't have the energy to clean.
In the beginning of every semester, (Y/N) would feel dread. All of her classes had begun. They were all difficult classes. Would she do well this semester? She had loads of assignments. She had to find an internship. She had to apply for grad school. Could she handle it all?
Of course, she would. (Y/N) would make sure she got good grades. That was who she was. That was her identity. If she didn't have her grades, she had nothing. But even with her previous successes, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel stressed. Maybe Sasha was right, and she needed to let loose more often. The sound of loud laughter caught (Y/N)'s attention and she looked towards the benches and colorful chairs that were littered throughout the open grassy area. Students were out and about, laughing and enjoying their time.
All the way in the corner, in the area where the laughter had come from, (Y/N) spotted two girls sitting on a bench. They were huddled over a phone, leaning into each other, as they giggled over something. (Y/N) felt a pang of longing. She wasn't sure why, but she often felt lonely when she saw moments like these. Yes, she had friends. Sasha and Mikasa were her closest friends. She loved them. But they weren't her other halves. She wasn't their first choices. Sasha had Connie and Jean. Mikasa had Eren and Armin. And (Y/N)? Well...(Y/N) didn't really have anyone else. She was no one's first choice.
She used to. A long time ago. Once, even she had someone she would consider her other half. Someone she could tell anything too. Someone she had planned to grow up with. But that was in the past. It didn't matter anymore. (Y/N) shook her head lightly, trying to physically shake away her thoughts. Why was she being so sentimental over friends lately? It was probably the weather. It didn't matter anyway. She had better stuff to do.