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"i felt your arms reach for help, and not a muscle in my body could keep me from holding onto you so tightly"
You never usually went out on the weekends. It's always been that way. Maybe once a month, you'd entertain the occasional invite out for dinner and drinks, but it had been a while since you'd gone out so casually with your small group of friends.
Clubs were always dark, and you were never the type to run into the crowd. So there you stood by the bar, watching your friends as you nursed your beverage, the sweat from the glass dripping down to the floor. You wanted so badly to have fun, but this just wasn't your scene anymore.
After the departure of your ex-boyfriend, you realized just how much you missed out on. Your friends no longer waited for you because they'd just expected you to say no. It took over a year to realize your relationship had grown toxic, and no partner should ever keep you from experiencing life. Being in a relationship meant sharing a life - not becoming someone else's.
The need to be alone washed over you, remembering the last argument with your ex over reprioritizing your life. To him, friends came second. You just couldn't live like that anymore.
You're free now - and you still haven't adjusted to that feeling.
Club patrons would stand next to you and try to strike up a conversation, but as cold as ever, you avoided their gaze and sipped from the now watered down beverage, still dripping down your hand.
One in particular didn't try to talk to you. In fact, he stood at the bar much like you did, checking his watch, his phone, whatever he could to seem occupied. He glanced at you every now and then. Through the chaotic lights, he'd catch your eye, and he'd smile.
All you could see were the faint hints of the freckles scattered across his cheeks.
After about the fifth time noticing him check his phone, you leaned over. "Did your date bail on you or something?"
He chuckled. "No. I'm just killing time, so my friends stop bugging me about hanging around their apartment so much."
The conversation died as soon as it started, but you two stayed in place. You'd toast with him to every new glass, and then you'd go back to how you were - standing by the bar, killing time.
"y/n - "
Steadying yourself, you looked past your freckled partner only to find a familiar - unwelcome - face.
Staring your ex in the face for the first time in three months, the only thing you could do was stare. Your legs locked in place, and it felt like this club was just another nightmare.
"What are you doing here -" The familiar stranger took a step towards you.
It was a reflex.
All at once, you dropped your glass and found yourself gripping onto the denim sleeve of your drinking partner.
The blonde looked down at you, noticing the vice grip on his arm. He swore he could feel the tension built up within you as you just stood there, holding onto him like a scared child even though he was nothing but a stranger for the night.
Your view changed, and now you were looking at his back. Your drinking partner stood in front of you, his hand holding yours protectively.
"Can I help you?" He said to your ex who merely examined the sight before him like it couldn't possibly be happening.
"You her boyfriend?" Your ex spat with a matching sneer.
"I said, can I help you."
Trying to maneuver around your shield, he laughed, and it was a cruel sound. "So two years just in the fucking trash, and now you've moved onto this guy?"
You whispered into your protector's sleeve. "Please leave."
"Go - " The still nameless blonde nodded his head towards the crowd. "Before I call security for harassment."
"No need." Your ex took a swig of his drink. "You can have her."
The interaction only lasted a minute, but you swore you couldn't breathe. They never tell you about this kind of aftermath from a bad breakup. You were supposed to feel elated that this villain was out of your life after years of over-controlling behavior and manipulation tactics. This was supposed to be your new life.
Still stuck in place, you followed robotically as your protector pulled you up the stairs and out into the street. It was only then that he let go of your hand to cradle your face, wiping away the tears from your cheeks with his thumb.
"Are you okay?"
"I -" You let out an uneasy breath. The fresh air almost hurt to inhale. "Yes, I'm fine. I just didn't.... expect to see him so soon."
"What's your name?"
"y/n"
"y/n, my name is Felix. Have you eaten yet?" He took off his hat and placed it on your head, securing it tightly like it was a new shield to keep you safe.
Shaking your head, you let him lead you down the street to the closest night market. It was a little past midnight, but it was still crowded. Bumping into patrons, Felix grabbed your hand again and led you through the crowd.
Stopping in front of a dessert cart, he guided you to stand next to him. "Well?"
"It's fine, I should go."
Felix squeezed your hand. "Come on. It's late. You're clearly shaken up. I don't think anyone should be alone like that."
He was right though it pained you to admit it. Your fun Friday night went from decent to shit in less than five minutes, and now this handsome freckled stranger was the one to try to comfort you.
"I have a thing about sweets." Felix looked up at the selection of ice cream. "Brownies and ice cream - it's like my comfort food."
"Mine, too." You finally noticed how warm his hand was.
He held up two fingers to the part-time worker before letting go of you to grab both of the treats.
"I can pay you back." You took a spoonful of vanilla. "I'm sorry. I think I ruined your night out."
Felix shook his head, clearly enjoying the frozen treat. "You didn't ruin anything. I'm just sorry your night got cut short because of... your ex, right?"
You nodded quietly. "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?"
"Well, I - "
"I've only known your name for ten minutes, and you've apologized to me twice already." Felix's freckles were much more visible now, and it suited him. He looked kind, and his smile was bright before softening to concern. "Did he make you feel like you had to apologize for everything?"
Poking your spoon around your ice cream, you couldn't find the words. Felix took your silence as a 'yes.'
"That doesn't seem like any way to treat your girlfriend."
"I mean, some of it might have been my fault - "
Felix interrupted your excuses with a spoonful of chocolate. "Stop."
"But I -"
"- am single now. And I am not him." He grinned again. "So just erase everything he made you feel like you needed to do, and just be in the moment with me. Okay?"
"It was just," you tried to find the words. "I don't know. I haven't done this in a really long time, and I know not everyone is like that. But I don't even really know you."
Felix placed his hand on your head, his smile still comforting and genuine. He pulled you close to him. "Well, I guess we're going to have to change that."
It was another Friday night, but now these nights were taken up by Felix dropping by your apartment with freshly baked brownies and a new movie.
He never passed the boundaries of holding hands and hugs. It almost made you wonder how you ended up here with this person who was nothing more than a fellow bar patron at some point.
"Can I ask you something?"
Felix was scooping ice cream onto the brownies. He offered you a spoonful, "What's up?"
The words got caught in your throat again. It's only been two months. You hadn't returned to the club since, and you were finally sleeping well again. It was almost like having Felix kept the nightmares away. Simply knowing he was there did more healing than anything else ever did.
You didn't want to ruin it.
"Never mind." You grabbed your bowl and settled in front of the TV.
Felix looked back at you. Lately, it was like you always started out tense in front of him, and he was dying to know why.
An hour into the movie, Felix finally noticed that you weren't paying attention. Your dessert was left half unfinished which was unusual. You just sat there beside him, staring at the floor.
He poked your cheek before reaching over to pause the movie. "What's on your mind?"
"It's nothing."
"y/n, come on." Felix sighed. "What is it? Are you having nightmares again? Did you see him again?"
It shouldn't feel odd, but you didn't expect him to find you so predictable. "No, I just have a lot on my mind."
"Okay, so tell me."
The silence filled the room again.
"Is this something you can't tell me?"
"That's not it, I just don't know how to tell you -"
"Try!" Felix laughed. "I haven't seen you this speechless since the night we met."
Thinking about that night brought so many mixed feelings. It was like seeing the evil witch and meeting your prince charming all at once. After your ex said those things, it was like something just held you back. It just always seemed too soon to say anything - no matter how much you liked Felix, no matter what he did you help you heal and just be happy. If this is what a relationship is supposed to be like, you didn't know how to operate. This was a book on love you'd never dared to read before.
"It's nothing." You said quietly.
Felix almost looked disappointed. He looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet together. "Should I leave?"
"What? No -"
"I just feel like I'm bothering you."
"You're not bothering me!" You grabbed his hand. There it was again, one of the two romantic gestures that wouldn't be pushed any further.
Felix held your hand gently, stroking your thumb with his. "So do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"
You leaned forward, resting your head against his arm so he couldn't see how flustered you were.
"I just don't know when the right time is."
"Meaning?" Felix had every right to be confused.
"How long is long enough to be over someone and move on?" You kept your head down. You didn't want him to see you crumble like this. You felt so weak and tired at the thought of exposing yourself like this.
You and Felix sat in silence for a moment. His grip on your hand was tighter than usual, but his demeanor was difficult to read.
"Is that what's been bothering you? You don't want me to think you've moved on too quickly?"
You nodded against his arm, still hiding your face.
He pulled you up and into his arms again, holding you securely. He smelled like vanilla and musk today. He hid his face in your neck, and you stayed like that. This was the safest you've ever felt, and being here with him finally stopped that awful feeling of not knowing what it was to want to share your mornings with someone. Felix wasn't a burden. He was the sunshine, and his warmth was your safety.
Taking a deep breath, Felix finally sat upright nodding to himself. "Okay, so let's talk."
"Talk away." You almost giggled at the flush on his cheeks.
He brushed the hair away from your face, keeping hands cupped on the sides of your neck.
"There is no time limit for being ready, okay?"
Felix's eyes stayed on yours.
"If you're over him, then you're over him. Fuck that guy, he was awful. And I know you think that with the timing - meeting me that night - it was a burden, wasn't it? Because there was no way you could ever tell if you were ready or if you'd just found a distraction." Felix smiled softly. "Do you trust me?"
You nodded quietly, eyes feeling awfully heavy.
"Well, I trust you. And I trust you know that this burden of never knowing will go away on its own, okay?"
"I just don't want to hurt you." You tried to pull away with no avail.
Felix released another heavy sigh.
He searched for something in your eyes before making his decision.
His kisses were like his hugs - warm and comforting. He was gentle, rubbing the edge of your face with his fingers. The small pitter-patters of his breath against your cheeks tickled.
Felix kissed you sweetly in silence. The moonlight had already set on the apartment, but he just stayed with you in the moment, feeling like if there was ever a time, it was now.
Leaving a final kiss on the tip of your nose, he sat back.
"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."