Chapter Text
Arizona, the copper state and cactus sanctuary of America (probably, though I have never visited, nor do I have the funds to do so). But we are not here to learn about the sixth-largest state in America.
Our story actually begins with a boy—Remus John Lupin, named after the ill-fated founder of Rome. Remus was a lanky, skinny introvert and probably the palest person in Phoenix, Arizona. He hated the heat, he once got severely sunburnt, and refused to go out unless it was to his stepfather's minor league baseball games. It's safe to say Remus hated the sun.
Remus sat on the front porch of his mother’s house, potting a small cactus from the garden he and Hope made together and contempating life and death. Thinking about it Remus never gave much thought to how he would die. He thought about how the selfless way of dying in the place of someone you love seemed the best way… or not. He wasn't afraid of death but wasn't quite ready for it. He had made a promise to live his life to the most even though the past ten years were all a haze, the same thing every day, but then there was a chunk of his life missing. He wasn’t sure why. Remus thought that his life was so boring that he just saved on memory and never remembered, but it didn’t half hurt his heart the strange tightness he felt when he thought about the last time he went to Forks it was painful like someone put burning rocks and knocked the air from his lungs. He tries to remember whatever happened. He wanted to know if he had his first kiss, his first love and his first heartbreak and that was the reason he was always in pain? Remus wondered if this next year in Forks would give him a few of his firsts. His life up to this point was just surviving because he had to.
“You nearly ready to go, honey?” Hope’s soft voice cooed from behind him.
Remus pulled himself up from the ground, dusting his hands on his trousers. Swaying a little from the sudden movement. Hope snakes her arm around his waist, steadying him. He was going to ask if she was going to be okay when he was gone, but Hope knew her son; she had known him for 16 years and could see the question written on his scarred face.
“I will be fine. As for you, Mr.” Hope was stern, but her face melted when she looked up at her son. “I made sure I packed your walking stick and not your lousy collapsable one, the good one your grandfather left you. It's better for your hip.” she finished her mini lecture by pecking the tip of his crooked nose with a kiss, Remus sighed. On the outside, he hated it. He hated his hip and the fact that he was 16 and needed a walking stick because of his stupid, no, good hip. But inside, he was grateful Hope may have been a scatter brain and not always there for him but when was there it meant the world to Remus. He would never admit to anyone out loud but on the inside he would miss his erratic mother who made him her entire world.
“Okay, bags are in the car. Let's go! I love it, but we have a plane to catch, and I have a highway to battle.” Phill’s voice rang.
Remus liked Phill; he was nice to his mum and a great stepfather, as far as secondary parents go. And even though Remus loved his parents, he felt he was stopping his mum from being truly happy. Phill wanted to take Hope around America on a honeymoon road trip, so Remus spent the rest of the year in Forks, Washington, with his actual father, Lyall.
Deep down, Remus was struggling with a crippling amount of regret and doubt; what if his dad didn't like him anymore? What happens if he doesn’t make any friends? Not that it really mattered. The kids at his school in Phoenix held a small goodbye party last Friday, but it was a very last-minute job. A box of cheap pink sugar cookies and a goodbye card you would get your least favourite co-worker, but Remus looked past that and saw the genuine side that they did kind of care… care in the way that they couldn’t pay him to do their homework anymore.
“Rem! Come on, let’s go!” Phill shouted again. Remus chuckled to himself. Picking up his cactus, he slid into the car. Hope watched as he looked out at the rolling hills and houses of the cul-de-sac passing by.
They sat in a comforting silence, each scared that if they said anything, they would burst into tears. Hope was the first to bite through the silence.
“You know, if you change your mind, I’ll race back here from wherever we are.” Her soft hazel eyes met Remus’s amber ones in the rearview mirror. Remus knew the sacrifice his mother would have to make.
“I won’t change my mind.” Remus gave her a reassuring smile.
Hope analysed his words as if she could see his true intent. “You might; you never really liked Forks. You never really liked anywhere with too much of something,” Hope chuckled at the memories of her little boy moaning and complaining that Colorado had too much snow after some older kids threw snowballs at him and the time New Mexico had too many Cacti after he fell into a patch by accident
“It’s not about Forks; it’s about Ly-Dad. I mean, I only see him two weeks a year; we barely know each other.” Remus looks at Hope again, noticing the maternal panic in them. “Mum, I want to go. I’ll be fine.” Hope sighed; she could see the anxiety written all over Remus’ face and in his words. For someone she see’s as strong and independent he wasn't without his flaws always anxious about something or nothing but he would always hide it well behind that wall of Lupin anger.
It wasn’t long until they pulled into the airport; Phill checked in Remus’s bags and escorted them all to the terminal. The three sat until the last possible minute. Hope bit back tears as she squeezed her son one last time, and Phill even pulled Remus into a tight hug, much to his surprise.
“You promise you will call me the moment you land?” Hope wiped her face, fanning her eyes dry. Remus chuckled at how dramatic she can be.
“Can I at least text you?” his voice was quite trying not to let the sob out, the last thing he needed was to give Hope a reason to cancel the entire trip because he was sad, scared and nervous about moving away from her for the first time in 2 years.
“Fine. Give my love to your father, and I’ll see you in a few months,” Hope choked out. She peppered Remus in kisses before he broke away and pushed him through the gate, waving him off. “I LOVE YOU!” she shouted. Remus held it together as best he could, giving his parents a final wave and boarding his flight. Next stop, Washington.
Remus looked out through the tiny plane window watching the bright sunny skies darken, the rain had started light and as they descended it hit the plane, His hip was crying out a little, and his legs had gone numb. For 3 hours on a flight with zero legroom wasn’t the best book-reading location. One of the kind stewards took pity on him and tried to get his seat upgraded, but no one would budge. Remus didn't mind much; he expected it.
Lyall Lupin, a bee-keeping aged copy of Remus, awkwardly mulled around the arrivals gate; still dressed in his police chief uniform, waving at the occasional familiar face. A layer of anxiety lined his stomach. It had been a good two years since he had seen his son. He was worried Remus had already passed him, but he hadn’t. The overhead tannoy announced his son’s flight. Good, Lyall thought, only thirty minutes until he walked out those doors. Thirty minutes to face his son, who he hasn’t seen in two years, and only exchanged a phone call every Thanks Giving and Christmas — not his birthday. They don't celebrate those since the accident.
Lyall let out a long, shaky breath as he stopped pacing, putting his hands on his hips. “Fuck”, he didn't mean to say it out loud, but it did; the colour drained from his face so fast that an off-duty steward from a random airline jogged over to him, ensuring he was okay. Lyall was a lot like Remus, or Remus was a lot like Lyall. Both were introverted and didn’t enjoy constant unwanted attention. Lyall waved the kind woman off, and the arrival doors swung open. Families reunited, and businessmen hurriedly typed firing messages off left, right and centre dragging well used hand luggage behind them, and there he was. Remus came out, backpack slung on one shoulder whilst his free hand dragged his suitcase. Lyall noticed the slight limp his son was supporting.
Remus looked around the floor; it didn’t take long to spot the police chief. He locked eyes with his dad. Something inside of him hurt a little, but he brushed it off to being nerves moving closer to him. They didn’t embrace each other in a hug, not like Remus would with Phill,
Lyall was the first to speak letting out a horse “Hey”
“Hi,”
Short and sweet, that was their relationship.
They sat silently most of the way home, letting the radio do most of the talking. As they pulled into Forks, Lyall had enough courage to ask questions. He looked over at Remus, who was staring out the window, his mirrored reflection displaying his pain.
“You let your hair grow out; it looks good. Guess you got the Lupin family curls.” Lyall laughed. Remus ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly, his fingers caught in the knots from where it had matted during his flight. He hummed his amusement, and they returned to blissful silence as they pulled up to the house.
Lyall’s house was a nice, simple white picket fence kind of place. It wasn't expertly decorated; it definitely missed that woman's touch that most family homes had. The decor was dated and screamed ‘Man Cave,’ but it was home. They grabbed the suitcases from the car. Remus said he was fine to get them, but his body fought back, and the effects of a 3-hour flight was showing.
“Hey, I’ll get these. Just take a seat and relax, kid.”
Remus opened his mouth to protest but just caved. There was no point making mountains out of molehills. So he followed Lyall around the house like a lost puppy. Time may have changed Lyall, but it hadn't changed the house much. The flat screen was new, but the rest was still the same large taxidermy hunting trophies and the proud stag's head still hung above the living room archway. The same picture his mother had of a happy family sat on the fireplace an inch of dust on them, Lyall never got rid of them the smiling, happy family that no longer existed only in a photograph, Remus wondered where they had gone, that happy family of four. They headed upstairs to the room Lyall had set aside for Remus, the master bedroom.
“Got you a new bedframe from Ikea. I didn’t think you would appreciate the bunk bed. The err sales guy picked the bedsheets out. I told him you like Bowie and stuff, hence the Union flag..” Lyall stuffed his hands in his pockets to ground himself. Remus just soaked in the decor of his room. Not much had changed; his old Ziggy Stardust poster, which had seen better days, was still on the wall. And the rocking chair by the bay window was still going, though it looked like it had a new lacker put on it in the last few years.
“Thanks… it’s great.” Remus pivoted on his heels. “Is the desk new to?” He looked over at the desk. It was dark and littered with books that hadn’t quite made it to the bookcase, which was still sitting in its box. Lyall smiled, scratching his stubbled chin.
“it’s your grandpop’s found it in storage and thought you might want it, if not we can head to Ikea to get you a new one,”
“No, it's fine. Cool. I remember Pops letting us sit there a few times.” Remus smiled at the memory. “I can build the bookcase if you want.”
“Don’t worry about it; you just relax. I'll make some dinner.” Lyall left Remus with a smile; that was one thing Remus liked about Lyall; he didn’t linger. Remus flopped onto his new bed, the soft mattress swallowing him whole. He didn’t know when he drifted off to sleep, but he knew one thing: maybe staying in Forks would be better this time.
Remus stirred to the sound of a honking car and Lyall bantering with a familiar voice. He peered down at the commotion below: Lyall was chatting with a guy he vaguely remembered and a girl around his age. The three looked up at the window, spotting Remus; he gave them a short, curt wave before heading downstairs.
“Remus, you remember Derrick McKinnon, right?” Lyall leaned against the beat-up Chevrolet truck. Derrick smiled from his wheelchair.
“Yeah, Big D from the logging huts?” Remus offered his hand. Derrick took it, shaking it. “You’re looking good,” Remus smiled.
“Well, I'm still dancing”, Derrick laughs. The girl playfully punches his shoulder. “Lyall hasn’t shut up since you told him you were coming.” Derrick said looking up at his life-long friend, Remus shoved his hands in his back pockets, holding onto his smile; maybe his dad missed him all along.
“Keep exaggerating; and I’ll wheel you down the hill.” Lyall playfully pulled Derrick back in his chair, picking up momentum down the drive.
“Not before I ram you in the ankles, Lupin”, Derrick retorted, taking control of his chair and trying to catch Lyall out; despite their ages, they were still teenagers.
“Are they always like this?” Remus asked the girl as they watched their dads fight in the street
“Honestly, I think it gets worse with old age,” The girl holds her hand out. “Marlene, we use-”
“Used to make mud pies, I remember.” Remus brushes Marlene's open hand off and goes in for a hug; he could never forget a girl like Marlene. Blond hair now with piercings and the casual flannel and homemade jean short shorts, give her a pair of cowboy boots and a stetson and she would fit right at home on a ranch.
“It’s so good to see you, Rem. Can’t believe you're still a skinny bastard,” Marlene giggles. Remus joins her, laughing. Nothing has changed between them. Derrick and Lyall return, panting and snickering still.
“Well, Remus, what do you think?” Lyall pats the bright Red truck, causing a bit of rust to dust his hand; Remus looks at the car and back at Lyall, his eyes going wide with excitement.
“No way? For me! Really?” Remus couldn't help the infectious grin spreading across his face.
“Yeah, bought it of Derrick, your homecoming present if you-”
“Dad, it’s perfect!” Remus beams and Lyall soaks in the smile, not realising how much he missed his son.
“I rebuilt the engine, so she runs nice and smooth. You just have to double-punch the clutch, and she rides like the wind.” Marlene hands the keys to Remus, who eagerly hops in the driver's side, starting the engine, listening to it purr.
“So, can I offer you a ride to school tomorrow?” Remus looked over to his old friend.
“I don’t go to school here; I’m homeschooled.” Marlene focuses on the air freshener hanging from the mirror.
“Ah, shame would have been nice to know at least one person.” Remus sits back, pulling the key. Marlene hides her frown, biting her lip as if she was hiding a secret.
“But I can let Dorcas know you're going; she’s… let's just say she’s a good friend. I'm sure she can show you the ropes.” Marlene grins. Remus smirks knowingly but doesn't want to press. Friendships as old as theirs are fragile in the beginning.
Going to a new school was always daunting, but when you join at the start of the spring semester, it doesn’t really help confidence. The Red truck chugged its way up to the school car park, drawing more unwanted attention from the other students. Perfect. Remus thought he really didn’t want this, but he had to try. He just had to get through one day. That was it. Get through your first day, and tomorrow will be better. He took a deep breath, collecting his bag and hopped out of his truck. Today was a good day. His hip was good, and he was not in pain despite being cramped on a plane the day before. He could breathe and walk with no issue so it was a good body day nothing could stop him.
He took a deep breath and made his way up the steps towards the school's grand entrance. The hallway had a swanky trophy case filled with cups and plates from the sports teams, the usual high school crap. Remus pulled out his timetable, trying to make heads and tails of the room names and numbers. Fuck.he didn't want to be the lanky nerdy tall kid escorted to class by some old custodian of the school, not like he cared about his reputation but soon word would get out he was the police chiefs son and then it's just downhill from there, Remus could feel his palms go cold as anxiety washed over him — “Hey! You must be Remus Lupin, right? Hi. I’m Dorcas. The eyes and ears of this place. Anything you need. The tour guide, lunch date, shoulder to cry on.” Dorcas just smiles at Remus while he snaps out of the anxiety spiral and realises Dorcas. Dorcas!
“Oh shit, hi. Yeah, um, Marlene told me about you. I’m kind of the “suffer in silence type.” Remus huffed as they began stalking the halls; Dorcas seemed nice, with manicured nails, perfect makeup and intricate braids with beads in the high school colours; Marlene did mention she was the captain of the cheer team.
“Good headline for your feature - I’m on the paper, and your news baby, front page.” Dorcas smiled, looking ahead as if she saw the paper before her. Remus stopped, eyes bulging. He stuttered, his mind racing no, no, no, no.
“Please, no- really, I'm not that interesting-”
“Relax, no feature.” Dorcas smiles. “Marlene warned me you would hate it, but I just had to be sure, anyway.” She peered down at Remus’ timetable. “Looks like you have gym first and then math. I guess I will see you at lunch. Don’t worry, though. You’ll get to see everyone else.”
Remus looked up, tilting his head, confused, but before he could ask, Dorcas was already skipping away to her first class.
The rest of Remus’ day was pleasant; he didn’t have to suffer through gym class and breezed through math, so now it was a test of the social hierarchy. Dorcas thankfully waited for him outside the cafeteria doors.
“Hey, so how was your morning?” Dorcas smiled, holding the door open for Remus.
“It was good. If Marlene is bugging you about me, you can tell her to piss off. It’s fine.”
Dorcas laughed, grabbing trays they lined up for the salad bar.
“Nah, she means well. But you're holding up, okay?” Remus nods, piling salad onto his plate and following Dorcas to the centre table. Popular, he somehow made it onto the popular table. Shit.
“Hey, guys! It’sRemus; Remus, this is Mary, Lily and Frank,” Dorcas pointed to the rest of the table. Mary had black hair tied up in a ponytail. She was sitting next to Lily, the redhead gushing with Frank over plants; they all looked up, waving. It turns out Remus panicked over nothing. They all seemed so familiar, like he already knew them another lifetime ago, as he sat around the table discussing random topics. It was nice, refreshing even, but then the cafeteria went from a buzzing hive into a murmur as a group of well-dressed teenagers entered. Remus was curious about the commotion as he watched the group breeze in.
“Who are they?” Remus didn’t want to come off rude, but if your presence makes an entire hall full of cliquey teenagers silent, there has to be some gossip, and Lily looked like she had the scoop.
“The Potters”, Lily whispered. Mary moved closer to the table, entering her gossip era.
“Doctor and Mr. Potter’s foster kids. They all moved down here from Alaska two years ago.” Mary started; Remus couldn't help but crane his neck to stare as they walked by.
“They kind of keep to themselves,” Lily added, more interested in her tomatoes; Mary rolled her eyes. Andromeda walked by, commanding the room's attention. Her brown hair, perfectly curled, bouncing as she walked in heels. Remus looked at the heels and then back to Mary for answers: “Honestly, she treats this place like Milan Fashion Week.” It was Lily who answered him: " My mum would kill me if she saw me strutting around in six-inch heels.”
But Andromeda wasn't the only Potter. Ted, a big chunk of a guy built like a weightlifter soon followed her, but his playful smirk pulled Remus in.
“Why do they keep to themselves?” Remus's voice was low. He so wanted to focus on the croutons on his salad, but this family really caught him in a trap.
“Because they’re all together. Like, together together. The brown-haired girl, Andromeda. and the big dark-haired guy carrying the bag of eggs, Edward, goes by Tonks or Ted…”
“Mary, they are not actually related.” Lily sighed, clearly tired of the attention they all get.
“But they live together.” Mary looks at Lily, who just rolls her eyes again. Remus watches as two more Potter siblings or lovers or whatever they are walk-in “And the guy who just walked in, wild brown hair and the glasses, that's James; he’s a little weird, but the guy next to him that looks like he’s in pain? That's Regulus.” Mary moves closer to Remus. “Regulus acts like James is like the sun or something. It is super weird” James walks past, leading Regulus. His smile fades as if he heard what Mary said. Surely not? Right. “I mean, Dr. Potter’s like this foster Mum slash matchmaker.” Mary finishes her gossiping. Remus watches as the Potter family takes their seats, but Mary forgets one of them.
“Who’s that?” Remus nodded his head to the last Potter to enter. His face looked like it had been carved from marble, and how he looked in that leather jacket. Remus had to ground himself; he was staring. Fuck. Mary looked over, biting back her smile.
“Oh, him. That’s Sirius Black. He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently, no one here is good enough for him.” Sirius breezes by, his eyes locked with Remus’s amber ones; he smirks at Mary's comments and joins his adopted siblings at their table. “Anyway, don’t waste your time.” Remus looked back at his salad, finding the beetroot more entertaining. But Remus couldn't help but steal glances at the Potter table. Something about the way Sirius stared at him unnerved Remus. Sirius looked at him as if he were meek prey and Remus hated it.
The bell rang out, signaling the end of lunch. The students scattered to their respective classes, but Remus couldn’t help but shake off this feeling of being hunted throughout English and then. It was Biology. As they walked to class, Dorcas met him in the hallway again; Remus could see why Marlene liked her so much. Dorcas had the aura of a rebel art student. He liked her; he, in fact, enjoyed the whole popular table, it seemed.
“Hey, Mr. Molina, this is Remus” Dorcas left Remus with the quirky biology teacher.
“Ah, Mr. Lupin, sit next to err Mr. Black over there.” Remus followed to where Mr. Molina was pointing. His eyes fell on Sirius, who covered his face as if he smelled something horrible. Remus frowned, anxiety bubbling inside of him. He made his way over to the empty stool, offering Sirius a tight-lipped smile as Mr. Molina started the class by handing out dishes with zombi worms. Sirius takes the plates, pushing one to Remus, acting like he is contagious. That really knocked Remus from his tower of confidence. He now slowly wanted to shrivel up and die. Remus took the dish, leaning on his arm to put a wall between him and Sirius. But he looks down at Sirius's hands. They were balled into fists like he was trying to stop himself from doing something stupid. As the class continued, they stole awkward yet endearing glances at each other until the bell rang. Before the chimes ended, Sirius had bolted out of the room.
Remus got up to leave, but Dorcas stopped him. “Hey, so the last thing you need to do before you leave is head to the admin office. Don't worry; I’ll meet you outside” Remus nodded, collecting his bag and b-lining for the office down the corridor only to find Sirius there. He was talking with the clerk about changing classes; what did Remus do? he didn’t even say Hi to the pretentious gorgeous arsehole. But what really pissed Remus off wasn't the fact that there was this random hate towards him. No, it was the comment.
“I guess I will just have to endure it”, and the way he stomped out of the office, purposely bumping into him like he never even existed. That tipped Remus over the fucking edge.
Remus had anger issues. He knew that, so he always lived a very passive life by not getting himself into situations where his temper would flare, but that moment just then. That fucking did it.
Remus stormed after Sirius; what the fuck was this guy's problem? Remus thought. Who just sits there staring- no drooling with his perfect eyes and perfectly carved face, just staring at him for an hour during an AP biology class? Sirius fucking Black, apparently. Remus was stuck in his head, his thoughts and temper blinding him, not even noticing Sirius's cold and powerful hands pulling him into the cleaning cupboard.
Sirius couldn’t contain himself; he ran his eyes over the boy in front of him, who was awkwardly avoiding the buckets and mops. They were panting; why was it so hard to breathe suddenly? Then it just happened. Sirius and Remus's lips crashed together as they fought for dominance. No one knew who instigated it, but Remus grabbed Sirius by the collar of his pretentious leather jacket, slamming him into the door. Sirius moaned. He fucking moaned. His mouth moved from Remus’ as he snaked his way down to Remus’ neck and sucked.
Remus woke up from his trance. Oh, oh fuck no, he was not getting a hickey today. He pushed Sirius off him, and the raven-haired twat dared to look offended as he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. They didn't even exchange any words. Remus communicated his thoughts wordlessly to Sirius. The. Fuck. Sirius didn’t even reply his hand fumbled for the handle and left the cupboard. Remus just stayed still, panting. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but his head was spinning with so many questions, so much fucking anger, then the bell rang. Was school over already? Remus straightened his clothes, leaving the cupboard. To his surprise, Dorcas was there in the hallway, looking around.
“There you are! Had me worried for a sec Remus. I do not know what Marlene would do to me if I lost you on your first-” Dorcas stopped, her eyes going wide “You're bleeding!” Remus tilted his head, bleeding? “Your neck here, let me,” Dorcas pulled out a tissue and held it to his neck. Remus moved his hand to the tissue, pulling it away. A small amount of blood was on it, as if a mosquito or something had nicked him. Dorcas looked worried
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I'm okay.” Remus looked back at the cupboard as if he could see the sins of his encounter. “Just it’s been a long day; I guess probably caught a scab or something” Remus met Dorcas’s gaze; worry lingered in her eyes. She was so ready for Remus to lose his temper. He looked like he was about to snap, the way his jaw clenched and the primal rage that was slowly creeping into his amber eyes. Dorcas didn’t know what possessed her when she blurted out:
“Please don’t kill Marlene for telling me. But she told me about your hip and-” Remus held his hand up to stop her ramblings. That rage and anger melted away.
“It's fine, Dorcas, really. Thanks for looking out for me,” Remus offered her a reassuring smile. “Marlene was doing the right thing… you need a lift home?” Dorcas let out a breath finally reassured that Remus wasn't about to do something he was likely to regret. She nodded.
“You don’t mind going to the lumbar yard?”