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soonyoung picks up on the fifth ring, wonwoo thinks that it was unusual since its soonyoung, but he is still thankful that his best friend did.
“i’m not drunk, i’m at home, you don’t need to worry.” he starts. “i miss him so much.”
wonwoo sniffles, letting out a dry chuckle as his mind brings him back to memories filled with eyes turning into crescents when smiling and a laugh that fills wonwoo’s heart with so much joy, only now, it brings him a tightening in his chest and being close to crying as if wonwoo hasn’t been crying before he made this call, or the past few weeks for that matter.
“i miss him so much.” he doesn’t know how many more times he repeats it until he thought that its enough for this conversation—his heart shouts that its never enough though, for maybe, if he repeats it some more, chan might actually come back, but wonwoo stops himself. for now.
wonwoo sighs, trying his best to calm himself before continuing. “i want him back, soonyoung, but i don’t know if i still have the rights after everything.” the thought makes wonwoo tear up and he tries to stop them, but he still has words left unsaid and tears to shed, so, like clockwork, he sobs painfully. he clenches his chest to try to ease something, anything, but the pain is there and it gnaws in every inch of his body.
“i don’t think i will ever forget him, i know i won’t even if i tried. did it have to hurt like this?i’m so tired, i don’t know when will this turn into something different, if it ever will, but right now, it just hurts so much.
“and i know, i know we ended things mutually, but i really wish we didn’t, i wish i could have done something more, i feel like i haven’t done enough. i feel like maybe, if i just show up at his doorstep and beg it will all work out, but i know that that would be wrong and it won’t really change anything, but i wish that it can.”
wonwoo tries to wipe his cheeks with his free hand, but it proves to be a struggle when his tears won’t stop. “ha, you’re probably really sleepy right now so its okay that you’re not saying anything, but thank you for listening, really.”
the stillness from the other line somewhat irks wonwoo. by now, soonyoung would have hummed in acknowledgment or chuckled, unless the boy fell asleep—wonwoo reached for his glasses that he put down beside him somewhere along from all the crying he did, he took his phone away from his ear and a chill run down his spine when he checked it.
he stares at the otter emoji blankly. it takes him a second before he’s scrambling to a kneeling position, clutching his phone and placing it directly in his ears before swallowing the lump in his throat.
“hello?” wonwoo feels his skin prickles, he says the words like a prayer for something he doesn’t know for. he’s unsure of what might what’s happening brings, but he hopes it doesn’t add more hurting.
“wonwoo.” the voice is trembling. “wonwoo, i’m sorry.” he closes his eyes, feelings all mixed up upon hearing the voice from the other line. its already like this with just your voice. wonwoo thinks. what more if we’re face to face?
“chan.” he whispers, tears falling again and wonwoo wonders if they ever stopped in the first place. “chan.” he repeats, almost begging.
“wonwoo.” chan’s voice feels like a sanctuary, even if wonwoo doesn’t know if wether what the boy will say next will bury him six feet under the ground or be his saving grace.
“wonwoo, we can’t.” the crash went down instantly, and wonwoo finds himself curled up on the ground, still doing his best to maintain the phone by his ears.
“please.” he wails, and he doesn’t care if he sounds pathetic, he’ll do anything to try and save anything that can be saved. “please.” he almost couldn’t let it out.
“please.” chan sounded tired and equally as desperate as wonwoo. “ please. ”
the line cuts, the tears are still falling and wonwoo silently hugs himself in the middle of his bedroom floor. he isn’t sure what to make of what just went down, he isn’t sure if he wants to think about it, really. he doesn’t want to think about what chan meant or if it even meant anything.
please.
he closes his eyes, his mind bringing him back to flashes of the sun shining brightly at him, wonwoo trying to reach out, only for him to stray further away. wonwoo tightens his hug onto himself, trying to hold himself together as if his body will fall apart if he loosens even for a bit.
his phone rings, but he doesn’t pay attention to it, it won’t be chan anyway , he breathes deeply before letting all the fight left in him go.
please.
his mind whispers, begging him, and its the last thing he thinks of before he lets himself go to sleep.