Work Text:
the hands covered in henna calibrated the knife. the point of it met the raw wood, and the knife went even deeper. the wooden had become a shelter by then, only the gruff rustle was heard from the song playing from the sizzling radio.
the dim wasn't a revelation to the dark-skinned, young woman sitting at the table. she was harshly holding the unprocessed wood as if she were struggling with herself and she was pushing the knife forward as if she wanted to reach her own aorta. after her third plain coffee, the heat on her temples started running down as sweat. she continued with digging the core, feeling like she was carving herself, throbbing to reach inside. firstly, the undelled knife was going to take a look at her insides; and then, she was going to be stabbed in the palms, just before the knife was going to make its way through the woman's veins. she was going to tremble till her breath was sticking in the craw, yet she was going to be sure of something she's done, for the first time.
with the fury of the out-of-place thought; the wood was laid under the hard, thick knife in agony. it wasn't to shape it, but to get rid of unnecessary since the wood seemed wicked. to get rid of the moist parts, the young woman wiped her forehead and with her shaky hands, she pushed her hair back; which was devastated from cheap hair dye. her fingertips hit the accosseries running down her ear, and even though she expected them to hurt, she felt nothing. the wetness on her back was disturbing her skin way worse. another brand new pain was repeating itself when she thought how the knife wouldn't hurt, if it were to suddenly dig through her hand.
"hazal, ziyaretçin var."
she couldn't guess the sentence would lay her under more agony than either.
after the open door, came the word. her older brother, who was obsessed with arranging the tools inside the shop adherent to the workshop, called the guest with his mouth surrounded with stubble. hazal was already uncomfortable, since she didn't like it when people ended up as guests without letting her know; and the fact that his brother called the uninvited guest in, without asking her, made the woman even more furious.
when a familiar face entered her vision, her fury was eased, but her voice told the exact opposite. "iselin." the confisuon she tried to hide rather than anger was hid with the name of the woman who just came in. nevertheless, she didn't stop carving the wood, nor looking at her. "i told you not to come," she said, almost scolding; and then, she let go of light blue orbs to look at the wood she was struggling with. her goal wasn't to pierce it that time and she was rather messing around with it. placing the knife in it, she tried to get rid of the unnecessary.
"i know," murmured iselin. she was just slightly different since the time hazal last saw her. her wheat-colored bangs had grown longer and were messy on her forehead, reaching down to her dark eyebrows. the life on her face was gone, so was the burden under her eyes. it was probably thanks to the accumulative missions ending.
"i've exhorted you to do so." hazal frowned before taking a deep breath and turned the wood over and over. meanwhile, iselin was watching her cautiously, trying her best to not inhale out of anxiety.
"i know that too." the blonde's voice wasn't oriented towards peace, but there was sweetness under her sentences. iselin's weakness towards her was hale and hearty, but only hazal was able to hear that.
after letting the wood go, she brushed her hands off and didn't look at iselin, even with the corner of her eye. cleaning the crust on her wrists, which were full of epithelised scars, she met her eyes. she didn't utter a single word, just pointed to the single, wooden chair in front of her desk, with her eyes. iselin obeyed and she came closer as hazal averted her eyes once again.
when iselin sat down uncomfortably, hazal stood up under her stare and cleaned the front of her apron, the dust and the little pieces of wood fell down on the messy desk. meanwhile, she murmured, sounding like she was complaining: "i'd be surprised if you listened to me..." when her hands went back to untie her apron, her stare met with iselin's hollow eyes and she smirked slightly. "and i'd be lying if i said my eyes weren't looking for you."
iselin, who weren't so surprised of her sudden mood changes, wanted to rip the issue from her insides and throw it away. "we have to talk," she said, point-blank.
"i'm aware," said the dark-skinned woman and a displeasant expression ended up on her face. after taking the apron off carefully, she hung it on the rack behind the desk and took a deep breath.
"why are you doing this to yourself?" iselin openly asked just to regret it in seconds.
hazal blew it off. or rather, it wasn't going to feel comfortable to talk in such place. in the carpenter shop they owned with her brother, she didn't even want to look at one of the biggest marks in her past. her workshop wasn't a place she was supposed to feel sentimental. her desk, filled with the unnecessary and scratches, wasn't supposed to be a tool in her endless daydreams.
"let's not talk here," she said, calmly. then, she leaned onto the corner of her desk and pointed outside with her head. "let me treat you a coffee, and then we can talk." her facial structure softened, she looked at the blonde; but for that time, iselin wasn't eager.
"i don't want it." a tapid voice. neither freezing nor melting the dark skin. it was just standing there, hovering in dry air.
"tea?" even though hazal was smiling cheekily, iselin didn't move an inch.
"hazal. i'm serious." the harsh response made the dark-skinned frown, too. "in case you haven't noticed," she added before averting her eyes.
"surely i have, but having a talk in the workshop didn't attract me at all."
iselin raised her head and looked at hazal and mildly shrugged. "to be honest, it doesn't matter to me," she murmured.
"as you can see, it's not the same for me."
"coffee, then."
hazal laughed behind her sealed lips. "that's what i thought." when she leaned towards the door, iselin also stood up in a hurry and followed her. they got out of the workshop with no words spoken between them. hazal looked at her brother in the place, which linked the workshop to the shop itself. he was busy and didn't even look at them, so iselin thanked god for it and continued following her. "what's the hurry? you weren't like this," said hazal, trying to ease the tension.
"could it be because it's urgent, hazal?" with the sarcastic comment, the questioned woman frowned. she was right, at some point; but it was so out of character that hazal felt like she was talking to someone else. iselin, who always took her time, even if it were painful; was in flames to talk. if it was back then, she wouldn't behave like this and wouldn't even end up in her door. she would definitely find hazal's phone number and would call her in her free time. when the turkish was buried deep in her thoughts, the blonde continued: "i mean, not the situation, but... the talk, is urgent." even though she sounded like it was just an excuse, hazal softly nodded because she knew the blue eyes were pierced on her. the cheeky expression was erased from her face and she was exploring new tastes with the sourness she felt.
it didn't take much time for them to arrive at the turkish coffeehouse, so did placing themselves to a table. hazal was the most continual customer of the coffeehouse, surrounded with wooden furniture and ethnic images; that's why it took just a couple of seconds for them to find a place, with the help of a worker.
they sat across each other, and even though the low table and the little stool softened hazal, the tension of the upcoming talk was all over her. after all that time, coming across a familiar face was making her anxious enough, and to crown it all, she had to make the same explanations over and over again. it was troubling to talk about why she did what she was heavily regretting.
"iki orta." after smiling at the worker who led them to the table, she sighed and the slight smile on her face was swept away. she looked into iselin's eyes, who was watching her and leaned forward before intertwining her own hands on the table. "talk it out, i'm listening," she said softly.
"don't you think..." when the norwegian was so enthusiastic and desperate to talk, her stop felt weird to the both of them. it was unexpected, yes, because iselin was itching to spit it all out but then, she stumbled. "something is left unfinished?" she asked, looking at hazal's blue orb before moving onto the brown one, cycling between them.
"like what?"
the blonde frowned her fuzzy eyebrows. "stop playing dumb." she was aware of her own rudeness, but thought it was understandable. to ease her stress, she pushed her shoulders back and tried to sit straight like she always used to, but her fingers landed on her knees and she held onto her own body. she bowed her head down in silence.
"i'm not, i'm asking for real." hazal slightly cocked her head to left and looked at her. "don't hesitate, tell me." her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed. "what's left unfinished?"
iselin didn't bother to raise her head and looked at her from downwards.
"us."
the turkish one unintentionally laughed, and even though it was strong, it wasn't loud. maybe it was iselin, who averted her eyes, was too sensitive. who knows. "is this urgent? really?" hazal asked, making fun of it.
iselin inhaled in exhaustion and then murmured audibly: "it might not be for you. no... i know you don't care." after gulping, she gained enough confidence to look into hazal's eyes. sweat ran down her temples as she tried to not drown in odd irises. "but, for me, it's more than urgent."
"who told you that i don't care?"
hazal's rough question was answered more softly, but also more painful. "your behaviour. the way you talk." blue eyes ran away from hazal with disappointment once again. "it's so obvious." she gulped, but it didn't help, the knot in her throat didn't seem to run down. "you never cared about me as much as i did, anyway."
the woman in front of her sighed and it was unbearably long. even though she didn't want to sit down and talk about about something she had explained countless times, it hurt to see iselin like that, being a mess with embarrassment. "i had problems." she looked around for the order. "i still do."
iselin's hands on her own knees grasped herself tighter, and her fingers were strongly shaking. "i know. perhaps i know better than everyone else." she looked right into hazal's eyes in agony. "it wasn't an issue for me."
"then why are you talking about it now?" hazal asked harshly, and despite the fact that she sounded loud, it was just loud enough for both of them to hear. "you're telling me that it wasn't a problem, and before that, you're telling me how i careless i was." iselin bowed her head down in embarrassment and inhaled, still shaky. "what's your purpose?" asked hazal, and then snapped: "of course i did care about you." with the sentence she uttered, her eyebrows trembled and her bottom lip joined them. "and i can't measure how much i did." after murmuring inside her mouth, she repeated the things she had way before: "the timing was wrong. i couldn't have focused on you during protocol. that's all."
"now, it's over." knowing that iselin meant the protocol and her brother, hazal stopped and gulped. "why didn't you give us a chance?" with her own question, the blonde's eyebrows furrowed again, still tremulous.
"because i still have issues," her voice sank deep, and wasn't planning to come out of the dirt pretty soon. "and, i didn't want to ruin another relationship because of my selfishness. i still don't." her face was buried in sorrow, her eyes ran away again and the blonde couldn't help but watch her with thorns growing inside herself. "please, respect my decision."
"i'm trying to."
"thank you." she wanted to change the subject, and the coffee wasn't there yet, so she asked the question in her mind: "how did you find the location of the workshop?"
even though iselin didn't like the sudden change, she smiled unintentionally yet sincerely. "a close friend of yours helped." hazal slightly smiled back and raised her left eyebrow, and then nodded with the name that ended up in her mind. i'm gonna break your balls, amir. as her thought filled with rage grew, she wasn't sure if she were grateful to her friend. she was actually amazed by iselin ending up there; but on the other side, she had a burning pile inside of her whenever she looked at her, feeling like she couldn't reach the nightstand and put the fire out.
a pair of coffees landed on the table. seeing the rose flavored turkish delight next to the tiny cups, hazal furrowed her eyebrows. her anxious eyes wandered on other tables, and all the other coffees had mint flavored next to them. she looked at the worker in fury before seeing the warm smile on her face. hazal's expression also softened, she sighed deeply and her eyes went lower, meeting iselin's.
the blush spreading from her cheekbones were still vivid. her face would turn red, either from the cold or embarrassment, and hazal had witnessed them more than necessary. she left another worn out exhale, averted her eyes and grabbed the holder, bringing the small cup closer to her mouth. she took a sip from the thin layer of foam, and left it back in dread.
"hazal, i just..." with iselin's call, her eyes went up to the blonde. "i just wanna know if you still have a thing for me."
with the question, her sorrowful eyes left the woman. she just gulped, and answered honestly with her hoarse voice.
"more than a single one."