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Scarlett handed Albert a musty crusty mouldy bottle “drink up luv” she said with a menacing whisper , Albert backed away in fear and disgust “What? I don’t want to drink—Why are you calling me…luv?” He said with a look of slight concern, a single sweat running down his forehead. Scarlett’s bloodshot eyes glared back at him “Don’t be scared Albie Walbie! It’s just some Alcohol™” Albert was horrified by her ability to act so non chalantly partake in the sin of drinking, and even more disoriented by how goofy her behaviour was!!!
Scarlett, annoyed with Alberts hesitance, grabbed the very hygienic bottle of mysterious alcohol and shoved it down his throat. The entire bottle. Albert choked on the glass but it was fine in the end, he lived because he’s not a little bitch. Scarlett pulled another, much more hygienic bottle of alcohol out of her ass and took a sip “How does it taste Albert!” She said with a grin. Albert looked at her with disgust, confused on what the hell she was doing. “Scarlett! Alcohol is the devils Juice!! How could you force me to be such a sinner!
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/13/well/mind/alcohol-health-effects.html “
Scarlett looked at him with a smile on her face, “don’t be so pessimistic—I acknowledge we’re stranded in the woods but have you considered im completely high out my mind rn” Albert looked at her befuddled at how irresponsible she was…they were stranded without food and water and she was forcing him to get drunk whilst she herself was high.
Albert began to feel w o o z y and d r o w s y, he then proceeded to leap at Scarlett and bite her leg off. “AUGEHSHSKWKKENABAHHHHHGG AGHHHH AGAHAHHHHHHHHHH” Scarlett said with slight discomfort. “That kind of hurt bro” Scarlett said with a disappointed look on her face “my fault og” Albert said because he’s just a little baby…They lay there for like 5 minutes because they didn’t have anything to do. “There’s food here btw we’re in a fucking forest you absolute dweebazoid” Scarlett said lovingly, with her eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “Anywyas do you want to drink more booze haha jk u don’t have a choice peaboy” she said as she forced Albert to gulp down more alcohol .
“……….”
“Fuck you” Albert said
Suddenly there was a shuffling in the bushes—the silly billy duo jumped in suprise. Out of the bush came out none other than Mallory himself. Scarlett then felt a shiver down her spine, experiencing the post-traumatic stress of distant memories from another fic that shall not be named. She feels the sudden urge to castrate him. “Scurvy, what's wrong?” Then Albert felt the shiver too. They knew what they had to do.
They instantly jumped on him and started kicking him in the balls. Mallory began piss babying himself even harder “Please, what else do you want? We have information! We could trade you goods! Dr Calloway can tell you about your past!” Mallory pleaded like a lil piss baby
“Isn’t doctor calloway dead you nutty nut nut nut job ” Scarlett said pulverising his balls “对于那些不得不阅读这部无趣同人小说的人，我深表歉意。我和一个朋友把它搞得一团糟，六个月后我可能会感到畏缩” Mallory said pleadingly. Albert picked up his pulverised balls, sniffing it curiously before throwing the shrivelled little thing into his pleading lil mouth.
“I haven’t done anything wrong” Mallroy says begging, The 2 musketeers boo.. He begins to walk off in shame, pulverised balls in hand. “He’s right” a voice says. He looks back, balls stuck in his throat, it’s none other than Jonathan Stroud .
“OH MY GOD ITS JONATHAN STROUD CREATOR OF HIT SERIES’ LOCKWOOD AND CO (Netflix), THE OUTLAWS SCARLETT AND BROWNE, THE BARTIMEAUS SERIES AND MUCH MORE!!!” They all said in perfect unison.
“BUT CAN HE BEAT GOKU??” Mallory challenged the 52 year old man, who had likely never heard of Goku, causing all the gen zers to gasp. Jonny Stroudathon laughed, nodding to indicate that he could indeed beat Goku. And then a howl was heard in the wind.
They all looked in terror. Scarlett and Albert felt a shiver in their timbers, but not as many shivers as before. “I’m Death. And I don't mean it metaphorically, or rhetorically, or poetically, or theoretically, or in any other fancy way.” Goku grinned threateningly. Jonathan Stroud pulled out his writing device and turned goku into a whittle baby and crushed his skull painting his brains across everyone in the premises. “I wish I could do this instead of homeschooling my 5 year old !!!” Everybody laughed because that was genuinely the funniest shit they’ve ever heard in their 2 years of existence.
“By the way we’re in the woods for some reason can you get us out?” Albert whimpered uwuingly . “Sorry Albert but I need to go get the milk” Jonathan Stroud proclaimed as he flew away because secretly this whole time, he was a fairy.
“O̸̗͎̜̽͗̕h̵̦̿͑̇ ̷͎̃n̸͎͎̩͊̈̒ö̶̬͙͗͠ ̴̜̒ŵ̷̮̳̎͘h̷̬̬̿̈́̅a̶̬͌̏ṯ̸̝̣̅̌̔ ̴͇̟͚̓s̵̹̔̅̄h̷͚͇͖̑̚͝ä̷̧̧̠́l̴͎̲̽͂̓l̸͖̓̏̚ ̶̰̏̋̋ẁ̶͖͙ȇ̵̠͔̀̈ ̶͔̪̅̽d̶̝́o̸̯̎!̷̡̳͊̇ ̷̳̉̍̓M̶̱͑á̶̤̙͑̕ͅl̷̢͎̀͐l̴͔̖̈ǫ̷́̈ṟ̵̨̒͝ý̵̞̱ ̶͕̠͑F̷̘̘̐̚A̷̰̞͒Ţ̵̭͔͝ ̸̱́A̴̘̮̰̒́͗S̵̼̩͌͊̒S̵͔̊ ̴̢̝͔͐͝ȓ̵̨͚͎̌͋a̷̖̫̽̈͜v̵̼̪̂͠á̸̘͌̀g̶̬̗͊e̴̥͋͐̈d̴̖̺͈͝ ̷͙̩̣̀̀͝ẗ̸̛͖́̿ḧ̸̹͎́͝ȅ̴̼̤͜ ̵̘͌͆͗e̶̢͎̫̒̐͂n̵̤͓̒̕t̷̡͚̙̃̄i̶̺̓͑ṛ̴̹͙͒̚è̵̡͉ ̵̛̪̐͠ẘ̴̛͙̥̮̑ȯ̷̫̙͇ṓ̴͕͙̐d̷̦̭͒͝s̵͚͂̋̅ ̵̞͔͗͒ͅö̷̤̣̻f̷̟̰͠ ̶͍͚̯̈́̚i̵̹̰̹̍̄t̶̘̺́̀š̴̫͐ ̵͚̅̓͋f̷̳̖͛͠ǫ̷̢̥̆o̸̬̰̓͊͘ḏ̴͖͆̃͘ ̵̡̡̪́̈́s̶̛͇ǘ̴̯̗̣̑p̷̧̈́̓̆p̸̨͙͙̃ĺ̷̫̰̻̑̌ÿ̵̲̭̼́̐͒!̵̹̔̕ ̷̨̛͚̕͝W̶̱̳̥͠e̴̲͓͆̃͘’̷̰͉̑͛r̶̪̻͌è̵̙͇͝ ̷͍̹̐̒g̸̞̬̅̅͘o̴̯̲̘̚n̷̩̐̇̚n̸̨͈̮̅̿̊à̵͔̎͠ ̸͎͖̔͂͘s̵̜̝̊͐̚t̷̝̋͋͒ȃ̴͈̟̌́ṙ̷̹͇v̵͔͛̒̾ȩ̷́͝!̴̱̝̋͝!̴̯̥̮̈́!̵̣̅̈́̏͜!̵͙̫̓ Vriska from homestuck said.
“Don’t worry we can feast on goku baby’s corpse!!!” Scarlett said happily. And everyone had a happy ending, even Mallory with his abilities to make babies gone.